Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

Am I going back to that, the world is going to end in “five minutes” mentality; if died today I would be embarrassed at everything, well other than reading another Tillie Cole novel but anyway. “Live Like There’s No Tomorrow”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

Ninety-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I didn’t do two girls at the same time. Now that’s only for starters for if tomorrow never comes? Well, I’ve thought about that plenty of nights. Most nights I don’t ever plan on the morning. Okay, my knives and my car alarm say differently. Those are more for my son, though. My motivations say to start every morning with gratitude. I’m grateful Madam Justice I am. Still, I sometimes imagine waking up and starting all over again.

Do any of us wake up and live the day we would be proud to die? So I wake up this morning to the TWD Rewards people treating me like I’m STUPID. Until only now, I had forgotten about that concern. Besides talking to you, I could use a cappuccino and a slice of cheesecake. Worrying robs you of the joy you might have so I owe myself a slice. You know the days are wrong when you pray for a zombie apocalypse. Hell, I want the days I stand a chance in if anything. Again living those “five minutes” and the world comes to an end. I’ve lived far too many suicidal days. There was the day I had Taco Bell and fell asleep downing Nyquil pills attempting an overdose. I’ve starved myself for at least a week, and nobody gave a damn. I’ve studied poisons, weapons, I write dystopias ha. Ironic, I see tomorrow for everyone else but myself; I don’t live now.

If I could have today again, picture it as so. I wake up next to my beautiful wife. I go to my office, and we talk well more like Lady Sophia and me because it’s a Friday. My wife and I make love in the shower, and then she cooks breakfast. We both see the children off to school, while my firstborn does patrol of the Estate. I pop in on a few of my brothels see how business is going. I visit my studio and work on a movie. Then it’s off to interview the newest crop of models. I pick up my kids, and they tell me about good days at school. Home-cooked dinner, in a loving home. A book before bed then me and my wife ravish each other. Who would need another Saturday? Never enough time right Madam Justice but to Live Like There’s No Tomorrow.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

I don’t want to hate, which is why I spend most days alone with the exception of the dog and sometimes I believe even he is a bit iffy when it comes to me or am I just that paranoid. Hate Will Keep You Alive, and I’m still standing huh

Monday, October 30, 2017

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

Fourth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear of the two-part rule which I will discuss next week but part one is “hate will keep you alive”, so will love depending on how you define living. Love if anything is meant to be a gift but something you don’t have to work for… there is no such thing as a free lunch, isn’t that right Justice.

Hate, on the other hand, makes you work for it, makes you strive for it if anything mankind has proven time and again that we strive for our own destruction because we make love a job. Would you say humans created weapons out of love for others or hatred though I honestly believe love can be an incredible weapon in itself? Here’s something I’ve always hated, those people that say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, this is a damnable lie indeed.

I think I love plenty, okay at least my dog, I love him but most days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. If something were to happen to him though by someone else’s hand I would go to war and I would rampage until justice is done and would that not be out of love for him? How many love affairs spawned from hate, Romeo & Juliet and love for each other killed them before hatred of one another’s family. Can love be taught, hatred has to be, and I’m always on the cusp of quoting Master Yoda’s teaching on fear.

Maybe I fear myself so much which leads to my hatred, I mean I hate so many and my father is at the top of that list or so I assumed a minute ago. I hate enough that I remain in a constant state of exhaustion but is love equal, I don’t love my friends but I do work to make sure their comfortable in my presence and some days I actually hate myself more because of this I think.

Hate is literally what gets me out of the bed most mornings, working a job I hate, I look at the world and I prepare myself to stand as if I were Atlas. Why is it love that makes me a coward and hate that brings forth a zest for life, for my own survival?

It could be other people, how they look at me like they are allowed to do and say whatever and call it kidding, jokes, dame near hate speech, I know, Hate Will Keep You Alive.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 095 ~Wanna Meet A Ghost~

Why do people believe in ghosts, God, and I suppose guns help with both but I’m not being political here, I just really saw a ghost. Wanna Meet A Ghost, trust me you’re not prepared and I surely wasn’t so why would you believe me right

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Lesson 095 ~Wanna Meet A Ghost~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear and I was never one to build a snowman but I am one to meet a ghost or so I thought I did today or at least I saw one.

Would you truly like to know how to figure out you’re alive… you’re the one being haunted, you feel fear, and it’s rare for zombies to eat their own; yeah we’ll come back to that sooner or later. You feel your heart race, your blood runs cold, and then there is the good old flight or fight response, but I took a path more like Tom Petty, I swear I’m on a death kick really. Haven’t we all been Lady Lu, why is it that we only truly appreciate life so near death, I mean have I been eager to die… I know the euphoria of a failed suicide attempt after I’m not puking green for most of the day.

Anyway so about this ghost, Scrooge will be the first one to tell you that ghost aren’t exactly ones for manners, hell I could even convince myself maybe I didn’t see anyone at all but I know I did. What would I have said, the good news is I’ve pretty much forgotten what was scaring me so and then boom, a sign that I was a bad man, best not to dwell on it right?

I never pictured myself as a ghost and you know my views on reincarnation but I feel like one of those villains in “Ghost” except all I want to do is survive. Again this is true of all of us, look at you Luna at least I can hear you and I didn’t have to die, sounding crazy but that’s pretty relative in this day and age. Does one even have to die to be a ghost, every moment, every decision, every day we are born again, trying to become better than we were yesterday and that never just goes away, we are haunted by the people we were, are, and could be and so we learn to live again.

Free speech for the living, dead men tell no tales

So what have I learned today, more like another question should I open my eyes and listen, didn’t help in “Pulse”, should I run, I stood my ground today but who knows what tomorrow will bring, Wanna Meet A Ghost?

I Will Have No Fear