Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

Rise and shine! I’ve been up since four. The only thing shining is the tip of my… Enough with the Yabbos. The sun’s behind the clouds. And my son is in a box. But he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But can I rise out of this bed? Virgil, Rise, And B

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

1264 Days Without B III, Day 705 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past six in the mornin’. Six in the morning? And my day, Braxton…

Well, it could be better. It’s the usual: wake up at four, and you’re not here. There’s Yabbos… My new morning routine. About twenty minutes after that, I take a shower. Next. Seeing how V and I are going to eat next week or today. Now I would like to join you. But V has… “reservations.” He “likes” being alive.

I didn’t even get to work on “My” novel earlier. There’s so much to do, Braxton. But you always found time to eat and “play” with your toys. I’m trying Braxton. It’s part of the reason I’m upset now. I wanted to start talking to you right at six. It’s always about time or routine. Huh! V doesn’t have that. When he was sick Tuesday, he was all cuddles, but…

He got better. Now what?

In Virgil’s case, he’s back behind the gate, sleeping on his pillow. Should I be making an effort? Look at the time. I was planning on taking a nap. Sigh! It’s seven now. But what kept me from going back to sleep? That’s not for you to know… Wherever you are, Little B. Knowing you can see everything now should be more than enough for me to be okay, Braxton. I was about to say to make our dreams come true. But your dreams, Braxton…

Food, food, and more food, am I right? Am what am I going to get up for today, Braxton? (Checks the grocery list.) Bread and water. What about milk? It’s summertime and all. I’m still here, Braxton. Always and Forever

Not rising for anything but Yabbos, taking Virgil outside, and what food I can scavenge.

I do not exist in a dystopia… yet. I’m writing one if I want to call it that. But the sun is up, the sky is blue… Nope! It’s light outside, and the sky is gray. But that doesn’t excuse me from getting up. Today’s pay that I got from last week was terrible. And this week, considering I’ve been here for around three days straight. The pay will be a lot worse. Because I won’t rise. Who am I, Batman? No. But I’m still your Dad, and I should know better. Forty is coming. And with the Olds and your “actual” aunt. I should, I must… Like I’m asking Virgil. Virgil, Rise, And B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 014 ~Just Kidding Is No Excuse~

What are SOME of the worst sounds in the world? My son’s last breath. The silence when his heart stopped beating, and I came back alone. My breathing, realizing I’m alive. The alarm clock. Laughter! And then, “Just Kidding.” Just Kidding Is No Excuse

Monday, July 15 2024

Meditation 014 ~Just Kidding Is No Excuse~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… and jokes are meant to be funny. How I wish it were true; a comedian died today.

Better myself than my son. And people might think it’s funny to die for my son Braxton or to kill for him. I am/was his daddy. That’s my job, and I failed Madam. No doubt.

Braxton’s absence is a reality I wish I could turn into a joke. I wish I could jest that I’m the biggest bully and that his return is imminent. But it’s not a joke. Braxton is gone. And with him, the laughter and joy he brought. I would give anything for him to return and reclaim his place, even if it meant Virgil had to leave. Braxton might reconsider… It’s a cruel joke, this reality.

That’s what I called it when I heard Braxton’s voice tell me to save Virgil’s life. Virgil must think his life is a joke, and soon, he’ll have a better human rescue him. Poor Virgil.

When I’m not telling Virgil, No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’m asking him if he is kidding. I take him outside four times a day. We’re out there for twenty minutes. Only for him to decide to “go” in the house. And every time I lay down… I swear, Madam. Braxton would cuddle close to ensure I was safe and then take his post on the corner of the bed to protect me. I know Virgil is not Braxton reborn because Virgil jumps off the bed and leaves.

The demands of my Day Job are like a joke, forcing me to bend to its will. I look at my schedule for this week and the next, and I wonder, where’s my relief? That’s why I’m reaching out now.

Time may be on my side, but the reality is that I’m in a desperate financial situation. I’m left with no choice but to plead for more work hours. It’s not a joke, Madam. I need money if Virgil and I are to have a meal after today, Wednesday, July 10, 2024. And to earn it, I should write, which also requires some financial investment.

Well, if that website I found is any indication. I could even attend Camp NaNoWriMo.

Now, that’s the biggest joke of all. My existence. Every morning, I wake up Madam telling myself I’m going to Live Brave, Do Better, Be A Man. The Man in the Mirror is a bully!

And I’m just kidding when I fail, like today or Monday. But no, Dear Madam, Just Kidding Is No Excuse.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1261 Days Without B III, Day 702 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

I shared everything with my son, time, tons of food, and girls with nice ti… Anyway, I don’t share my days with Virgil. We go outside, and then I spend more time cleaning up because he doesn’t “go.” There’s food. But girls? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish.

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

1257 Days Without B III, Day 698 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how my days usually go. “I’d rather be with you, yeah.” Or girls.

I have to check out MaXXXine today. Or should I start a novel based on M Anime’s Nightmare? Now that I have received my last decent paycheck for a while, It was a somewhat pleasant surprise, Braxton. Still, the general consensus is that I wish I didn’t have to wake up at all. And yet here I am with you sending me a tune from Bootsy Collins. If I taught you anything, it was great taste in music and French fries. Ha-ha! What have I been teaching Virgil these days?

Virgil must feel unwanted. Which is why he’s behind the gate in the hallway, Braxton. And here I am in bed. Wishing you were at your guard posts or sleeping by my side since I’m awake at 6:00 AM. Seriously?

Six in the mornin’? I should have been up at four, but I was selfish. Hanging with the Sandman, the dreams in which you, my son, survive, and something, something… Yabbos. Which leads me back to my writing. That’s another reason you’re missed, B III.

Remember the COVID year, the last one you were here with me? You saw the first month of 2021. I’ll never forget you sitting under the table as I wrote ‘my’ novels. Virgil doesn’t do that. Sometimes, I’ll put his pillow beside me so he won’t cry. He only sleeps.

Even if I gave him all ‘my’ time. What would we do? You knew my writing was to provide us with a better life. We’d be selfish but settled sinners. It’s a constant struggle, B.

But how did that work out? I wanted to build Heaven, and you beat me there. Not that I figured I could get in. You would need all the time you could get to plead my case. And here I am, approaching forty. Speaking of old age, your great grandma’s second ‘husband’ passed this week. Did you ever meet Woodrow? He bought me Pokémon Yellow when I was a ‘child.’ Seeing how your grandma forgot to text me about it…

Braxton, I suppose I can skip his funeral. My weekend will be all Mia Goth, a Boricua princess and a buxom English beauty. What about the rest of us, Virgil and I? We’re both selfish. How do we begin sharing, Braxton? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 007 ~Allowed To Hate Your Birthday~

I’m sure I’ll regret writing this about E-Day. I regret waking up today. And I can hear all my motivations talk about gratitude. 39 years? Well, Braxton was here for fifteen. And his loss trumps E-Day by a mile? But… Allowed To Hate Your Birthday

Monday, July 8, 2024

Meditation 007 ~Allowed To Hate Your Birthday~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-First Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… But not this one. No! Never! I’m approaching FORTY! What a world? Waste? Why? But not today!

Madam, today isn’t even today. It’s Thursday, June 27, 2024. Will I ever stop lying? Madam, my Existence ended on Sunday, January 31, 2021. That’s the day I “joined my son.” Braxton passed away in his bed at the vet’s. Here I go, crying again. But I rather have the pain of my son’s life ending. Than that of my Existence beginning. So am I saying I’ll take the greater pain? In dog years… yes. That entire week was bad. But it’s not like this week has been any better. But again, I’ll always start with Braxton. He deserves it.

Madam, I remember the day I got my son back… in a box. Uh! And what about my Braxton’s birthday? February 13? A made-up day…

Like, I wish the word “birthday” was only made up? I swear! I have a list of words that don’t mean anything to me. Happy, Home, Birthday… I’m telling you I’m going to quit saying that regarding me. For me, it’s E-Day. Emergence, Existence, and if I ever get lucky…

Extinction. But we’ll get to that. Emergence is what matters. But no, I’m not one of those political types. Yes, I have views. But allow me to be selfish and think only about myself. AHEM…

Madam, I HATE EMERGENCE DAY!

Twenty-one years with nothing to show. Fifteen more? Well, I was Braxton’s Dad, for sure. And how did that turn out for him? And every other day, Madam. Inevitable, Imaginable.

I watched Braxton die! Unimaginable.

Please, King Kong, ain’t got nothing on me or my son. But still, I shut my eyes because tomorrow… What about today? I’m talking to you now because of the horrors this day will bring. It’s hard existing through that. Instead of embracing oncoming horrors…

Madam, I dwell on the worst moments. I survived my son’s loss and my becoming. Whatever doesn’t finish you makes you stronger. But I’m not, Madam. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think about joining my boy. However, now I have Virgil.

Everyone calls it Gotcha Day, and that’s coming up soon. The only thing that would change about “my” rule would be to name Braxton’s loss the most hated day ever.

Allowed To Hate Your Birthday

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1254 Days Without B III, Day 695 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

What are the worst things I’ve learned? That my son was dying. I depend on my Old Man way too much. The Regal App stopped working. And oh goody, it’s morning. But I could be back in school at thirty-nine… Or training B and V. B And V Count.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And even though you’re no longer in class… School of Hard Knocks… Math, Language, and P.E. suck.

Let’s start with Math. The subtraction of your son, Braxton. The addition of Little Virgil.

Why are you so negative this morning? Is it because you woke up late? Mathematics?

School never prioritized mental health, which explains a lot at thirty-nine. I’m sorry to tell you that you’re older than me, and I’m sorry I didn’t “join Braxton.” Another Day.

Inevitably, that thought comes up every day. As a great man once said, “Stay Alive.”

Today, you are here in your personal room 1408. Only it’s the entire world. Existence.

A total of 1253 days without your son. The only number that matters until tomorrow. And it’s not like Virgil is looking forward to that, either. One more week of not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can tell you why I failed number four. Well, no, actually. That sort of language would have the critic all over you. But Braxton’s Aunt thought that M Anime was a very naughty girl. Cherry said she’d read it … Anyway, you haven’t shared it with M Anime either.

There is a reason you should try not to speak this week. You have a couple of days with the Day Job. And there’s always Virgil. But whatever you say to him comes out bad.

There will still be days you need to remember his name. I couldn’t remember who won WWE Money in the Bank last night. Names, naughty writing, and you’re not making notes. You know Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. But you keep on writing. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because it’s not like you’re going to git up, git out, and git something. All that Physical Education for nothing. And where was I a couple of days ago? I was slithering on the bed as I typed out a story that turned me on. These hands are about all the physicality you’re going to get. So what about today? I’ve already finished M Anime’s tale. Right? You need three hundred words that don’t count as talking to yourself. So where to put them, hmm?

For someone… Uh, like you. Your head feels so full of knowledge. And your heart? What is Braxton telling you? This morning, he barked, “Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” B And V Count.

1253 Days Without B III, Day 694 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

No, I can’t stop; whatever this is? Whether adding another 300 words to a nightmare, someone told me about. Or no, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t work tomorrow. Or no, we are less free now. And Braxton coming back. That’ll B No, Virgil

Thursday, July 4, 2024

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

1250 Days Without B III, Day 691 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sure your Heaven wouldn’t include fireworks. Or your Hell. I’ve been reading about Cerbie.

You know, as in Cerberus. And what about Virgil? Hell, what about you, Braxton? Sigh…

Love is a long, long road. My boys, my books, and some girl’s boo… Yabbos. This week has had plenty. And here we are… Uh, more like, here I am, B III. This Independence Day…

Well, at least you have your freedom. And what about mine? I always figured as I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. Yes, I know you still do from wherever you are. Anyway, you were supposed to be my apocalypse survivor buddy. And if E-Day doesn’t end me… Eww! I’ll have bigger fish to fry. Are you still wondering why I would rather join you, Braxton, with everything happening? This Is America.

Yeah! There are better places to be right now. But there are also much worse. And no, I don’t want to talk about me. You see it all, don’t you? And Virgil has to live it. Poor little Virgil, B.

Only I’m too busy saying NO to everything, like being a good dad, for starters. Braxton, I’m trying to stop speaking so badly about myself. And Virgil… One of the first words out of my mouth today was, no. He was outside for twenty minutes and still decided to use the training pad. Maybe if I wasn’t saying no to trying to clean the backyard. But again, this week was hard. Look at my paycheck from last week… Twenty-Eight dollars.

And what did I do?

I said no to more hours at the Day Job. Why? Because I’m so busy trying to be a writer?

I said no to OnlyFans. So what am I on… Day Three. It’s not that you need to know that.

But it’s surprising because I said no to ignoring M Anime’s nightmare. She wrote around 1000 words. And I’m approaching 2400 words in my rewrites and edits. A horror story

No means no, but you know me and dark stories. And what could be darker than the ones involving burying fur buddies? I’ve been saying no to reading those, too. And I say, “No, I won’t give up my grief.” But no, I can’t join you either. Living? Tell me why? That’ll B No, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 366 ~Happiness On Anyday But Birth~

Eight years. Around three and a half of them without my Braxton. And that’s what I remember. But of the eight years, were any of them Happy? Maybe I should have named Virgil that. But E-Day is coming up in a few months. Happiness On Anyday But Birth.

Monday, July 1, 2024

Tale 366 ~Happiness On Anyday But Birth~

Three-Hundredth And Fiftieth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Along with some ideas. Like finding happiness at all. In Lessons, Episodes, Logs, Gospels, Chronicles, Sagas, Tales…

Tomorrow will mark the eighth year of what, you may ask? Well, a little over a week from now since today is Friday, June 21, 2024. And I can’t remember why I even started. Nor do I want to, Madam.

But for you, Lesson 001 ~Look Who Grossed Up~ Eww!

Think of happier days? Now, Madam, you know that’s not how I operate. The rule we need to discuss was “adopted” on Saturday, September 8, 2018. Please don’t remind me…

Yet I remember the day my Braxton passed away. That was Sunday, January 31, 2021.

But a happy day? There have been good days and bad. When’s been the last day, I didn’t think, “Why not join Braxton?” And seeing how we’re talking today, you know Monday’s been… pretty effed?

Anyway, Braxton loves me. So that Saturday, August 13, 2022, when I found Little Virgil… I’m sure it made Braxton happy because it meant I wouldn’t be following him… sooner.

Madam, we all make mistakes.

I made one today, but I’m unsure whether to “come” clean, Madam. Let’s say this: It involves a dirty blonde, a bathroom cabinet, and looking up black lights on Amazon. Doing such things brings joy but not happiness. Didn’t I say something some time ago about words like happiness, home, and acceptance? That’s one more reason I read—new words.

Speaking of which. I will need a new title if I want to talk to my Dear Future Wife. Right?

Tomorrow will be a new start. Yeah, keeping say that.

Meditations? In honor of Marcus Aurelius. How dare I, right? And Virgil was also a Roman. And considering “my” country is going the way of the Romans… But not today. I’m much too busy being anything but happy. But Madam, baring that, coming so close…

First and foremost, it was holding my son. Knowing that someone loved me. That’s happiness? And then knowing I saved a life. That loving Braxton got me to save Virgil.

The nights when Braxton, his honorary aunt, and I would watch movies on the couch. What I may or may not have done this afternoon staring at some beautiful woman…

Quoting Mad World, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Happiness On Anyday But Birth.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1247 Days Without B III, Day 688 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 365 ~B To L, V~

To this day, the Roman Empire is remembered. What about anything I have written? Anything I have done. I had the better part of the week. And before that? It’s about to be eight years. Three crying for Braxton. And complaining about losing… B To L, V

Sunday, June 30, 2024

Tale 365 ~B To L, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the last time I checked, you didn’t become a Roman overnight. Is B A Roman Numeral?

That’s a weird question to begin with. And search bars aren’t just for looking up Yabbos. But, um, you only did a little of that this morning. Being lazy, lewd, and a loser. But first…

Braxton. His absence is still deeply felt. I find myself writing his name here, at ‘The Closing of the Year,’ more times than I can count. And since this is a leap year, there’s always ‘Tomorrow.’ But you don’t want to be reminded of that, especially how I wasted all of last week. And now your week… You need Braxton more than ever. He was/is a daily necessity in existence.

Braxton, Broads, Books, and finally booking it out of bed for Virgil’s sake. And then what happens? You know what happens, sigh. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 12, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 016, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

As the song goes, “I’mma give away the end. Partner, y’all about to lose.” Losing! Now, that’s a word I know far too well. But what about you? Do I have any words to inspire?

Ladies, Loot, a Little Dog?

You’re trying desperately not to lose the ladies you have. That’s why you were tempted to send M Anime your story and work on her nightmare/fantasy. You talked about A Quiet Place: Day One with Braxton’s Dear Aunt… if Braxton and my story were ending.

He should have been spared, and I should have faced whatever the afterlife offered… Was that a spoiler? In the movie, the cat got away. And… Anyway, I haven’t heard from Cherry lately. And you? You have Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And still, V needs to make the list. If it wasn’t for adding a new book to the list every week… And I am accepting defeat with #4. Since, once again, you’re about to start a new writing year. And a new month. But what comes next for you today? Do you have a plan, hmm? It’s crucial to have a plan. More than dreaming…

What can I tell you? There’s a lot. But like you were thinking with M Anime. None of it will be helpful, yet you keep lambasting this page with words. What a Loser! Stop It!

Seriously, let me try that again. Uh, STAY WOKE! And that means both politically and physically. It’s like you’ve been dreaming ever since B III. Now that is a nightmare. But I’ll appreciate your efforts.

Please keep moving forward. There’s always hope for a better tomorrow. B To L, V.

1246 Days Without B III, Day 687 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 362 ~Virgil Writes B Papers~

How would another dead tree bring Braxton back to me? Would it erase the worries of Virgil’s dog food receipts? And if anything, could I write enough so I would never have to step foot in the Day Job again? I promised B! But “Virgil Writes B Papers.”

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Tale 362 ~Virgil Writes B Papers~

1243 Days Without B III, Day 684 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m here. So you know what that means. I would rather be elsewhere. With you…

I’m only one note away, on any given day, B. But I’m too lazy to write a “going to join my boy” letter. Know what I mean. And I’m sure everything I’ve written would be lost online beneath you, yabbos, and the yellow of my cowardice. Speaking of which, Virgil…

Am I going back to worrying about the Day Job? Nah. I’m keeping it. But the pay is not doing me any favors. And if it isn’t the green of those dollars, it’s the yellow of training pads for Virgil. I will have to switch out an energy shot habit, for Virgil Vivi being afraid.

Shouldn’t he be? Look what happened to you? How much paper did it take to put you in a box?

I shouldn’t be so mean, B. But I’ve been beating myself up all this week. Do you remember when you would play around with your toys? I swear! Braxton, your tail or Little B would fall off when your aunt was around. Virgil Vivi doesn’t have those boy problems. Ha!

He’s only drinking and eating from your bowls. He’s using your old carpet. And your training spot? I swear he can’t aim, or he still smells you around. I’ve tried washing it several times. And for all the reasons, I brought Virgil here. One was that he could go on the paper. Was that me being lazy again? Sounds better than I heard your ghost…

Ghost stories, tales about girls, GULP. My writing is bad.

I told you I’ve been beating myself up in more ways than one. I was writing to this girl yesterday. Not “your mother” material. Anyway, I told her the truth, and you can guess what happened. With you, B, money was no object. But B, I’m frugal with girls’ Yabbos.

Only there’s food, financing a book habit, and paying for stuff with a fur buddy. Dear Braxton, be honest; would it help if Virgil didn’t have these reminders of you? What about if I wasn’t all about effing all the time because… I got 99 Problems and with some paper…

Cash, cleaning supplies, an actual copy of some book I’ve written. All these letters to you, my only son… Uh, Virgil? Virgil Writes B Papers

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad