Log 267 ~Will It Be Easier~

I heard in a movie a man only needs someone to love, a dreamy thought, but I’m still greedy and a bit of a control freak, and am I strange that I figured the end of the world would be different, so this isn’t it. Will It Be Easier

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Log 267 ~Will It Be Easier~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m no hero. In times such as these, there are no capes, but I see the truck drivers. People are working in retail. I still lament my local history for the record shudders. My Love, there are doctors. It’s only day two of us being in, well besides to let all the kids out. We’ve seen the restaurants, though. I’m sure the farmers are still at it. The garbagemen are working, and do we have neighbors? There are helpers all around us, but as always, I want so much more.

I thank them all but why couldn’t I have met you sooner. I’ll admit I haven’t read much these days, but I remember. If The Hunger Games, Divergent, Article 5 have taught me anything. There is always a 17-year-old girl, waiting to save us. Ask me again, why are daughters got named Katniss, Tris, and Ember? Hoping they take after you, baby doll. At the same time, a man like me dates way out of his league. You’re the Maggie to my Glenn, the Red to my 10K, my Alicia Clark. I’m Christian Grey enough to admit I have a thing for brunettes. Still, I only have eyes for you, and maybe that’s why the world doesn’t look so bleak. Why there is no place that I would rather be than home. There’s a method to my madness, my anxiety wanting everything under our roof.

It’s also easier to write about things other than the end of the world. I don’t think this is strange enough. Yet, most of my stories involve a man locked in with a bunch of beautiful women. I didn’t see my wife and kids being in the cards but call it karma. So about the question, will it be easier? Besides Indiana Gone, you’re the only woman that knows about how serious I take The Walking Dead. What about Fear TWD, Z Nation, Contagion, Containment, pretty much anything George Romero? I guess I’m also thinking about Jericho, with people arming up, but like I said two days of isolation so far. SIGH, would it be easier escaping all the voices, would the words I love you be enough? Again I’m greedy. I want to share with Indiana Gone, her hubby, and kids, all our friends.

With so much love, baby girl, Will It Be Easier?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 260 ~It’s Called Love Will~

The good news I’m not binging on toilet paper, I got enough for me, ha. While my kid, well, he has his puppy pads and grass, but the bad news isn’t I have come down with the love bug of a romantic sort. It’s Called Love Will.

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Log 260 ~It’s Called Love Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, that’s something I won’t keep a secret. Neither is the fact that I hate my father. My Love, I’ve said before as Meat Loaf sang, I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. What, reconcile with my father, give away my firstborn, give up on my dreams? Anyway, as much as I despise him, and the fact that he abused my mom, cheated on her, and other things.

The thing is when she’s hurt or sick; he’s been there, always. I want to do the same, I will, babydoll. Let me be the Francesco to your Graziana if you’ll have me, My Love.

You can thank The Gargoyle for that reference. It’s a coincidence that I’m reading a story set during the Black Death while we live in the Plague Era. One more reason to make money before we’re all trapped inside. Of course, you know me so well, for me it’s paradise. Now I’m not sick with the Coronavirus (COVID-19), but I’m no fun when I’m out for the count. You’ll tell me it can’t be healthy to watch movies like Contagion, Daybreak, and Maggie. I’ll binge on The Walking Dead and Containment. How will you ever cope? I’ve talked about how love is often akin to dying. I don’t talk enough; you take my breath away. My knees get weak; my heart skips a beat, I’m falling for you, all over again. Don’t even get me started on calling you an angel, and here I want to go to heaven now.

I can’t say I know what to do when you get sick. Like my father, I sat with my mom, but that’s all I knew. There’s a friend of mine. Now when she had “women issues,” I bought her a ton of chocolate, gave her a blanket, and we watched movies. When it was My Dæmon, I stayed up all night, cradling him and reading something more “family-friendly.” I can tell you; I’ll be right here with you. One thing with me being such a baby, nothing phases me but to see you in pain or sick? A conversation for another time when it comes to the pain, but I did cringe when my son cried out because of a tick in his ear. I don’t know what terror awaits us, dear zombie apocalypse partner.

Together, It’s Called Love Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 253 ~Willing Form Of Excess~

As the song goes, why didn’t I say, the things I needed to say, in a way I guess I’m following suit with everyone else, and the truth shall set you free, of the mortal coil that is, falling in love SIGH. Willing Form Of Excess, yep it’s too much

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Log 253 ~Willing Form Of Excess~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and as always, I want more. My Love, my heart exists in the seven pounds of fluff, that is, My Firstborn. I could hold it my IPad or Kindle when I get a new one, of course. At one point, it could fit like the chocolate on my pillow. My heart is the boom in my ears with whatever I choose to listen to. I could keep it in my wallet, in my pocket, it is every word on the screen. This heart of mine, baby girl, could fit on a computer screen, and I wanted so badly to see it in the mirror. Then one day SUDDENLY, I met you.

Yes, I like Billy Ocean, but ahem that’s beside the point. Sometimes I think I’m drowning in you baby doll. Have you ever noticed that love is always akin to dying? Knees get weak, can’t catch your breath, falling? Butterflies in your stomach, silence, fly away. I could go on, but love seems scary, painful, and torturous. So you think I’m running away from you and the children. I’ve said I’ll never be one of those men with a “Man Cave,” I prefer a Study. Okay, I will have a TV and video games. Anyway, my point is and I’ve said this enough I am afraid if you ever got to know everything. If you knew what I spent three hours today looking up? You know my businesses, my writings, my dreams, but I am a greedy such and such.

Running, I’ll admit to that, but as the song goes, take me as I am, take my life, who am I, Robin Hood? Now, If I were yours indeed, as you are mine, my heart, like the Grinch, grows three times. My Love, there wouldn’t be room for everything I feel for you and our family. I’ve said I would not destroy my vision, not even for you. I’m all Tangled with you being my New Dream. To share this with you, to never burn it away but to bathe in it. You’re my mermaid, my siren, my tsunami, and did I mention I never learned to swim. Worse is I know who I am, what I am, and like Edward, to Bella, I want to protect your soul. There is a reason I’ve always liked good girls, innocent, pure.

I build this world even greater, More, for love of you, Willing Form Of Excess.

“You’ll never be just anything. A tsunami can never be ‘just’ a wave.”
“Get off my chin.”
“I like that about you. Waves are banal. Tsunamis reshape the Earth. Under the right circumstances, even entire civilizations.”
I blink.
“You’re going to be one hell of a woman one day” Iced

I Will Have No Fear

Log 246 ~A Question Of Will~

I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding but the song, do you love me now that I can dance, well for the right woman I better learn like “American Wedding” am I right, and I have more questions. “A Question Of Will”

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

Log 246 ~A Question Of Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and an intellectual. Yeah, which one of those is truer? You know I’m a Star Wars fan, so I’ll quote Han Solo, “Never tell me the odds.” I’m one to ask questions because I want to know, and at the same time, it’s like I will never understand. If it’s not that, then I already know the answer. In a way, I do, am I the best lover and friend, the best daddy I can. Come on; you think I was going to get through this without music, namely Will Smith. Well, how about 21 Questions?

Don’t worry, my love I’m not going to bore you today with that many. I could ask you how you think my new book is doing. How I respect the NaNoWriMo community, but I’m ready to turn Facebook off. From asking about my book title to the differences between Reverend and Minister. You could ask me how was work today? I don’t want to say okay. What I do now is a million times better than once upon a time? Still, the things I looked up, the stories appearing in front of my eyes, the money, the power, the women. I’ll ask you to stay with me, and I’m frightened of what that answer might be someday. I won’t lie; it was a lack of confidence at one point. Only I know who I am and what I want, and I’ve said, I Can’t Stop.

You ask me, am I happy and I’ll ask you the same. Does the money make me happy, my dæmon, our other children, you? My mom told me once about unconditional love, but she didn’t protect me from my “father.” I will never be like him, but the fact that again you stay, you’re mine. You’ll have to excuse me, maybe it’s novels, perhaps it’s braided hair, or I could have half a brain. I’ll ask you, Real or Not Real; you love me? Star Wars and The Mockingjay, right? The strange thing is, the hardest question I asked you was, what’s your name. After that, everything else followed, but my curiosity never stopped. I will understand someday, but I have to keep asking the questions. One more song; oh darling Stay With Me, won’t you.

I don’t have much of a voice, am I so smart, A Question Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

Last night I discovered something brand new, not the kind of thing I would share with my son but with a woman in my life, the right woman I should say, finding new worlds, more “stuff, and thangs.” A Whole New World

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Log 239 ~A Whole New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m greedy. My Love, I have to admit that I am somewhat Hoity-Toity. You’re looking at a man who was upset at the La Quinta by Wyndham. All because I preferred Courtyard by Marriott. SHUDDERS, my foot still hurts remembering that long drive. I was angry at myself for not getting My Dæmon a better boarding room. There were women way before you that I would choose a hotel before my “house.” I’m trying to explain that when I think of a whole new world. A whole new me I honest to God mean better.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Sure we’ve had this conversation before. If a man wants an angel, he must build Heaven. A queen must have her throne. In my businesses, I want to provide the most beautiful, the comfiest place imaginable. As Sade would sing, “is it a crime?” You and I, My Love, as parents want to provide a better world for our children, more than we ever knew in our lives. Yes, I suppose I will be using plenty of songs today. Take another one of my favorites, “With Arms Wide Open.” One more reason I don’t want the kids to be like me, I tell them, “Be Not So Fearful” of this world before them. At the same time, baby girl, I create new worlds in my writing. Again I wish to build paradise because I know this world. I know I haven’t seen much of the world, and that’s why I want you and me together.

“You’ll never be just anything. A tsunami can never be ‘just’ a wave.”
“Get off my chin.”
“I like that about you. Waves are banal. Tsunamis reshape the Earth. Under the right circumstances, even entire civilizations.”
I blink.
“You’re going to be one hell of a woman one day” Iced

To me, my baby doll, “You Are My Home.” Not good, better, or even best, you are MINE. I become the man I want to be that I need to be, that I always should have been, because of you. Dare I say, “You Rock My World.” Understand this now. You’re my asteroid “Armageddon,” my tsunami “Iced,” my hurricane “Nerve.” You destroyed my world so that I could build the land of my dreams. You’re different, and excuse my geeky reference, but Galen called Jyn “Stardust; I call you “Moondust.” It scares me sometimes to think of the power you have and the power I found because of you. The things I will do and that I won’t do for you in this life. The more things change, the more they stay the same, looking at the man in the mirror, A Whole New Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

I can’t say that I have many friends and as I told a girl at the “Day Job,” if you say that I don’t like you, well wish granted. I like making women happy, but being a man and all how do I feel about myself. “Friend Like Me, Will”

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Log 233 ~Friend Like Me, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Disney properties. Well, couldn’t you tell that from the title? I’m going to be hard-pressed to explain buying stock in it with everything else I want to have. Anyway, today isn’t about ignoring stock options but people. Now, of course, I could teach a master class in this, and I won’t apologize for my views on people. Okay, maybe on women, but that’s business. I respect women on a personal level but in my markets? Inspector Echo I have two words, “Pure Taboo,” and if you look that up, it’s your fault. One day, I’ll have a studio like that honestly, no doubt.

Let’s start with today, and the new normal is I’m a few days ahead. Right now, it’s Sunday the 16th, but I have things to do. Do you say I should go talking to the neighbors about the HUMMING/BUZZING/VIBRATING? I did leave them a note; isn’t that a shocker? What about the people I do know? Indiana Gone and I were all blah in our texts. When it comes to M Anime and Cherry, I’m still a man possessed, so I try to be careful. It’s not panning out as well as I hoped. I continue to dream of black pantyhose on a certain girl; thank you, “Fechikano!” How about having to deal with my “Father” last week? My Dæmon stayed in his bed, either old or scared, that I wasn’t here to protect him. Yes, like a Witch’s Dæmon, I know my “His Dark Materials” folklore. Still, when I see my father that’s like, eat me, said the cake to Alice. He’s no friend.

What about what I have been neglecting to mention for days on end? How little I have spoken of Valentine’s Day. Yes, I still believe there is some girl out there that I might have left lonely. As the song goes, how could you be so heartless? If only I had a voice like Eddie Holman, “Hey There Lonely Girl.” Now I continue to believe money talks, so who am I speaking to these days? Let’s say, more creators in the adult entertainment industry. A cosplayer here or there and what was that about Pure Taboo. I know much worse Inspector Echo, of course, the kind Norton warns of nowadays.

That’s what I’m sorry for now, Friend Like Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

If I sold my soul to Hell, I suppose I would be a rich man already. I guess it’s the last thing I have to save for a future wife because “other” things well let’s say I have had some exciting experiences, some good and evil. Does Will Have Soul?

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Log 232 ~Does Will Have Soul~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’ll never be a politician. In today’s age, considering my business dealings, I would be more than suitable. Well, seeing I’m a black man, with more than liberal views. Let’s keep in mind my hero was voted to the Nevada Assembly, and he was dead. He’s also one of few Republicans I respect. Now that leads me to today, which I’m glad to say was without incident. Well, a spammer on Facebook, but nothing reported email wise. I’m a much better man than that Love.

Only I continue to worry, baby girl, my phone still has me jumping. Not in the fantastic playlist way because you know I must have my music. While we’re on the subject, I do have my “Stork The Fire” and “Grown Folks Music” playlists. Would my parents be proud? Now, as far as my palate in the realm of “Soul Food,” I can’t say I’m much of a fan. One Thanksgiving, I am going to invite my mom and my sister. While I’m not so sure about my sister’s cooking, my mom is an expert. Not saying that I want her to cook, but she made sure I didn’t starve. She also taught me respect for women. As I tell you, always there are no secrets between you and me.

My firstborn, my dæmon, won’t be spilling my confidences anytime soon. So tonight I sit here contemplating the term, SOULMATE.

I tell myself every day that I share my soul with the world. One of my rules #148 Women Always Find Out The Truth. Nobody can take all that I am, My Love. Do I doubt you, of course not, but could I be honest, you need only ask anything? I heard this song the other day, “Not Afraid Anymore” by Halsey, she sings, “Heaven gonna hate me.” My life, my businesses are things people call evil. Trust me, baby doll. Those people have no idea. At the same time, I sing, “Cause without you they’re never going to let me in'” (Heaven) I mean. If I have a soul, I will give it all to you. On the same token, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t feel so bad. I’m not the President, I know right from wrong. I have a soul; I want to be a better man for you. Does Will Have Soul?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

High to me is not falling out of bed, tripping over the walls of the tub, and remembering to put something in my stomach at some point and down, whether it be time, money, or depression SIGH. Up High, Down Will

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be depressed? It sounds like another excuse and how can I even hear it with my ear and all. From last week to this one, it’s like alarms are ringing all over. Still, I sit here, refusing to answer the call. I even have Cherry giving her best impression of Lady Mormont. I’m not getting up for anything, well a pair of black stockings, but today isn’t Thursday. It’s not Wednesday for that matter (Sunday Night). I’m still speeding through time, so no wonder I’m so exhausted.

I wish that’s all it was, and also that yesterday never happened. A slippery slope Inspector Echo and I’ll be right back to “The Day.” Anyway, the theme of yesterday was humiliation. I had to call my “father” about insurance and my humming situation. If that’s not bad enough, he doesn’t care enough to text back. It’s one thing to go begging and be told no but silence? It’s a good strategy, which is why I employ it all the time. You can ask Cherry about that. Insecure, Discombobulated, and repeating past mistakes. Is there anything I can speak to that won’t make me sound like, well I don’t want to put that in the universe. The word I’m looking for is LAZY right, because how long have I been away from The Day Job. At this rate, how will I ever manage another NaNoWriMo?

It’s like I’m drowning in FEAR, and my bed is a life raft. What am I going to do tomorrow? Go back, crawling to my father? Now didn’t I talk some about him and his ANGER? I have plenty to myself you know that much Inspector Echo. Now I’m trying not to be something, something explicit. Only LUST is pretty much the only thing keeping me anywhere near rational for a few hours, at least. It’s my high, that and the ceiling fan. How about some retail therapy? I wanted to buy My Dæmon, DogTV today, and doesn’t he deserve it, I ask. Everything that I desire Inspector Echo and what am I doing to reach it at all. My kid stands taller than me, begging me to get out of bed and go outside.

I’m sorry it’s like I’m the living dead, and Lust is my hunger. Trying to climb, Up High, Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

One day I’ll hear those words, “Help me Daddy,” yeah, I know what I’m thinking but I’m serious, I’ll always be there for my family and no, I’m not a hero. They’ll also talk about meeting the folks me and my wife. Will And “Folk” Heroes

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Log 225 ~Will And “Folk” Heroes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, even after I gave my parents a few million, so I’ll never see them again, well, dad. If I ever become my father, do what you think is right, but don’t become my mother. You don’t deserve mistreatment or anything less than to be the goddess you are My Love. The one thing I ever learned from my father was money, and he’s not a rich man. Indeed most of my heroes are rich men, and I don’t know how they did family life. With what I do for a living, most people ask how I dare to be a father.

My “Big Sister” told me once, “you can’t build a strip club, next to a school.” I wholeheartedly agree, and while I won’t keep any secrets from you when it comes to our children? Now I’m Sonny Corinthos saying my kids will never be part of the MOB. There was another woman who worked for me once and is an awesome mom. My business is one thing, but respecting her as a woman is another. People do as they like, and I wouldn’t want you or any of my family to know disrespect for my dealings. It’s hard wanting to be one man and then wanting to live the dream, and would I surrender one for the other? Again I don’t know how they do it, baby girl. Writers like Todd Michaels and S. Wolf; there are others, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

I still don’t want to be my old man, thinking I give money, so that’s love. Who has to be terrifying or full of rage to hide insecurities and anxiety. I’m never going to hit our kids or threaten them with any violence. They will never feel ashamed of themselves, and I swear if anyone ever calls them STUPID.

Now they say boys marry girls that remind them of their mothers. You can have her intelligence, her heart, and talk about courage. Will I call her the epitome of parenting? My sister has two kids with different dads, and how did I turn out? Then I look at my firstborn, and I always say I love him like pancakes. I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick myself. For all our kids, we can be the best parents, Will And “Folk” Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

Well the hum drove me out of the Den once again, no Far Cry 5, watching wrestling from bed and letting people know about my problems; as I told someone today, it’s another day. Will Changes His Tune

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Log 219 ~Will Changes His Tune~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I “know,” the Law Of Attraction is what it is and such. Now I’m not jumping back on the positivity train. Every day, haven’t I said something about the humming? Well, that makes it hard to listen to Don’t Worry Be Happy. Inspector Echo, it’s getting to the point that I don’t know what to do with myself if I don’t hear that buzz. I’m also not one to join in the Super Bowl festivities. Yes, it’s still Sunday and am I jumping three days ahead now, not tonight.

If anything, I don’t want to get up earlier than I have to again. Somehow or another, I was able to tear myself away from my latest acquisitions to talk to you. Why do I need more noise in my life? You know, half the time, breathing is a little much for me to contend with, but here I am. Only isn’t that what I was telling the neighbors this evening? Inspector Echo, that’s how bad it’s become, that I’m reaching out to strangers for help. The truth is, these are my neighbors, but didn’t I ever learn stranger danger. Don’t remind me of how my grandmother scared me STUPID that I’d get kidnapped. I remember for a few weeks, I slept with a whistle around my wrist. Nowadays, it’s a ton of hardware and a bunch of alarms about the Day Job, avoiding lateness.

Yet didn’t I say I wanted to change my tune, and this is sounding a lot like the usual. How I miss the silence “My House” once gave so willingly. At least this morning, I was panicking for another reason. The car was frozen over, and I had to fight through the ice. Still, more of the usual Inspector Echo, how I do whatever it takes to get to places that I can’t stand. So, of course, this afternoon, all I did was lose myself to a dream. Imagining the place I want to be instead of making inroads there. If it’s any consolation, I did come up with a few ideas for further conversations. Now, if I wanted to hear anything right now, it would be dead silence. I think now the problem could be the plumbing, so I want to snake the toilet.

I’m sorry, was that too much, these problems, what about solutions; Will Changes His Tune.

I Will Have No Fear