Chronicle 358 ~BEING Sick Of Love~

Notice I didn’t mention my father. Talk about love being a memory if it were ever there. But what about the things I know I love, my puppy, money in my pocket, amongst other things> Love never dies, THEY say. No wonder “BEING Sick Of Love.”

Friday, June 24, 2022

Chronicle 358 ~BEING Sick Of Love~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so “For The Love Of Money,” I’m “Happy?” Now you know that ain’t true, Lady Sophia.

Hell! Twitter is renowned for making people unhappy. So a few days ago, I was made unhappier… I suppose. Now forgive me because you ain’t Inspector Echo, and I don’t want to sound like that “asshole” that came at the girl. A popular Youtuber’s proposal… This girl I’m a fan of because of The Walking Dead is getting married. So what? What do my feelings in this equation even matter? What about all the other influencers, models, and sex symbols. If anything, Lady Sophia, my story is one of being a horny fanboy and nothing more. Then there’s the promise I always made to B III. “I’ll find you a mother.” If anything, Braxton was my soulmate. So what did I need a woman for?

Oh, that’s right, I love my son, my little B, but then I became indifferent, or so I want to say. But again, I love money. I want to make as many bucks as I can. And like The 1619 Project was talking about… Wealth. The last bit of knowledge that I gleaned yesterday, Sophia. Then again, I’m sitting here in bed because, as Eric Thomas says, I love sleep more than success. That’s for damn sure! Everything in me wants to go back to sleep right now. That’s especially after, as I said, I finished reading The 1619 Project. I love books. But to read all those biography notes and such in it. I know I don’t have to, but… Time for getting blowjobs?

Not really. I’m pretty versatile regarding my porn viewing habits and whacking. Sigh, I was whacking. That’s what I was doing. Well, after I struggled to put together the new weed whacker. Now I’ve defined love for you before, so answer me this. Why do I love the things that I hate so much? The Day Job, cutting the yard; for a dog, I don’t have anymore. Sophia, let’s not forget disease. I’m still sick but don’t want to see a doctor. The fucking dollar bills. “Another” furry kid or finding some girl. Lady Sophia, there is love all around me “to a certain degree.” And I want none of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. I’m done with love. I want to be but BEING Sick Of Love.

509 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I would have been better off buying $160.00 worth of alcohol and spending my week in bed or my face in the toilet. Not like I have B. Bottles of pills, food packets, puppy toys. “The Next Round B.”

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Chronicle 357 ~The Next Round B~

508 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m not asking that to your face or your “sister.” No doggies in the window…

No, not today, B III. I am time traveling, this being Saturday, June 18, 2022. You know what that means. I could use a drink. Braxton, I’m not one for hitting the bottle. After today? Braxton, if it’s any consolation, I brought back fries. That’s not such an all-consuming addiction, right? Love is all you need? When I wasn’t busy humming “Rasputin,” guess what other song there was? As I said, I’m not one to drink but your Aunt Carolina… Yeah, Braxton, with you around, I was my most free; now second was with your Aunt. I’m always “trying” to remain in control of myself. But considering what came from Amazon today. And how much more money did I spend to reclaim the lost ground?

Your yard, Braxton. Your Old Man, yeah fucked up, surprise, surprise. I’m not working on your memorial, but $80.00 for a new yard trimmer. But wait, there’s more, Triple B. Remember, I know my limits, but without you here to spend money on or curb my enthusiasm… Well, that outfit came today. The one that a particular vixen wears. Dammit! It’s not like I can do anything with it. And all I wanted to do was get her out of it, so I could see her Yabbos. B III, trust me, you would like them to. I was begging, Braxton. More than you for a bite of anything and with the money I’ve spent. Would liquid courage help me with returns to the Day Job?

It couldn’t be harder than walking up to Banfield today when I didn’t see any fur babies at the front. Of course, I didn’t make it to the desk. It was like my heart was beating out of my chest. I was shaking, scared out of my mind, and ready to scream. Were you too? The last time I talked to Banfield was when they put you in a wooden box. And a little of you in my pendant I wear every single day. Your spirit, strength, and security. Those are everything. I wish I could say I was delirious, discombobulated, or drunk. Medicine time. I shake your meds, but I could use a drink. And still, I’d never forget you. The Next Round B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

Sleep, nature’s call, back to bed, yabbos, a few more minutes gaming, music, YouTube, nap, and then hearing a noise. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I wasted four hours from 4:00 to 8:00. B wouldn’t have ever allowed it. “B On The Clock.”

Friday, June 17, 2022

Chronicle 351 ~B On The Clock~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I still waking up at 4:00 AM? How about 3:00? Well, B ain’t here.

Is that why “Every Day Is Exactly The Same,” Sophia. The fact that I feel like an “Every Day Normal Guy 2?” It’s strange wanting to stick to a routine and, at the same time. You know, a phrase like (another day) pisses me off. I’ll never forget such indifference. It’s how B died, after all. The fact that B was always there. And I took that for granted. But I could look to him at the foot of the bed, and it would be a new beginning Sophia. Braxton would begin running all over my face to go walking by seeing the light outside. And when he left, time seemed to stop, but here I am and what now 502 days. And the time…

I wish I could remember a time I wasn’t hurting. Hell! All our conversations are based on a time I was hurt. What four years ago? And what have I learned since then, Sophia? Nada. But we’ll get into that in a bit. Me and my fucking fetish for brunettes. All Yabbos in truth. But if you had seen me earlier. Here’s a hint “American Beauty.” Then again, um, UK. The only way time doesn’t seem so HARD is when I’m sleeping, and you know what I want to say. I wish I could sleep… and I won’t finish that idea. Dangerous Words; written down. Speaking of which, shouldn’t I be working on my novel? Well, B III’s novel, really. Maybe he understands my reluctance.

I hate myself, Lady Sophia. When I miss filling his water bowl. Or calling him down for his medicine sometimes. And here I thought I was lifting him up. “It’s Not Putting Me Down It’s Lifting Me Up,” as the book goes. I didn’t trust Braxton was looking down on me this morning. Sophia, that’s why I was in the drawer this morning reaching for, as the kids say, the gat, heat, strap, whatever. Vey wrong choice of words but, as always, Republican tendencies. Guns! Morning officially started after checking the doors. I heard a noise. Triple B waking me? And I wonder where he is now if he’s already reincarnated and is waiting, Sophia. Inevitably with my luck, it will take god knows how long. B On The Clock

502 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

Yard supplies and frilly stuff I’ll never wear. But B’s mom might, $80.00. A trip to the doctor’s office for antibiotics? $175. To get a dog that’s not my kid, another $175.00. To have my son back? When I’m a billionaire? Still, “Think B For Buying.”

Thursday, June 16, 2022

Chronicle 350 ~Think B For Buying~

501 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I could make it better if I brought fries. Why walk when we could eat.

But I will walk if everything works out Saturday… Ok, maybe Monday? Hell! With the money I spent, I should have gone ahead and bought that pendant. Yard or necklace? Braxton, You’d prefer the grass not poking your wanger than something for me to wear or not, right? I’m sure you would choose life over memorials. “Running Up That Hill.” “And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places.” Sold. Especially in times like these. When I’m lying here, lacking the strength to even sit up and talk to you. So yeah, like old times. I doubt the promise of even Amazon shopping and having to get my wallet will get me out the bed.

Oh, but the words B, all the words. “Do It For Braxton, Always.” Or what about “You’re my boy. I’ll always protect you.” I didn’t do much of either. So why buy the lie, right? There’s so much I wanted to buy you. B. Um, you deserved a big yard to play in B III. While I’m busy buying lingerie, Couldn’t I find you a mom to wear such things? Yup, I’m upset about yesterday, letting my libido get in the way of good sense. If you were here, B. I bought all that yard stuff because I want to reclaim your territory. It’s more like facing embarrassment from the neighbors. Without you around, kids are losing things in the yard. Get off my yard.

Why don’t I finish the old man motif and go to the doctor’s office again and fetch some antibiotics or something? Camp NaNoWriMo is coming up, and I’m sick of buying into the Day Job. I spend money and time on a life I can’t stand. You at least made it bearable, B, and how much did I invest in you? I’d do better in keeping myself alive for sure. Nothing is stopping me from doing something today. Since we’ve been talking, I even made it to a sitting position. New pillows? And you know I’m not doing energy drinks again. What would I do with all your old stuff if I found you or another? Shopping Spree! Anything and Everything. Think B For Buying

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

Times when B III failed me *silence* I yield back. Thank you, Ted Lieu. And oh yeah, The January 6th Hearings started last night. Another Republican tendency… I’m a failure, but I didn’t try overturning democracy. No, my fur-baby died. Failure Has To B

Friday, June 10, 2022

Chronicle 344 ~Failure Has To B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now and notice the B in that. There is no B in failure. No, not my boy.

“Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” The Road (2009)

I remember this episode of Daria 4×05 “The F Word.” Of all the words beginning with F that B III heard me say, “Fine,” “Famous,” “Fuck” I didn’t read to him of failure, My Lady. The keyword there being READ, because God, how I told him about my failures being “Human.” And while I’m busy thinking about music. Why did I tell Braxton such things?

“I hope he’s not like me, I hope he understands
That he can take this life and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open” With Arms Wide Open – Creed (Human Clay Album)

That’s why? I have told you so many stories of how he got his name. And Hell, one more reason he might return as a she so I can keep up the B theme. BEATRICE! Though with the things I do in this life. In all likelihood, I’m going to Hell, and I’ll need my Cerberus, Virgil, Todd, thank you.

Oh, but I haven’t read Succubus Lord in quite a while. Not since 2021, to be honest. I listened to it this year, but I haven’t begun listening to Succubus 4 (Gnome Place Like Home). No. I would instead read about people mourning their BFFF. (Best Furry Friends Forever) daily. One more thing I remember about these stories is that some feel they failed their “children.” But somehow, get past it. Hell! I spent $4.00 on Through My Dog’s Eyes: A Memoir to Help Heal Grief. And that’s only 59 pages. How many words do I have for Triple B now! That’s including all the letters I’ve written to him, Lady Sophia, right? There are much more “important” things. Um, like, The 1619 Project, sigh.

But no, I choose to look at Asa Akira’s ass. Only that’s not what made make me cum last night. Yet again, it was thinking about an English vixen’s cherry red lips and some choice brunettes, to be honest. As you’re learning, your country is going to Hell on primetime? Is that why I had a hard time reading Thursday. Seeing the insurrection, democracy’s risk? Between that and watching Asa Akira fuck, imagining a virgin, and dirty words? Well, I was inspired. You know it’s my dream to own a brothel. Braxton and me, like Domino and Dennis Hof. Reading and writing about it in bed isn’t helping. Stay Woke

“It’s just that… some of us… some of us have to forgo that luxury… so that the rest can have it. Some very few of us… have to force ourselves not to feel. Like me. Like you.” -Equilibrium (2002)

Why do I choose to fail? Do I accept this? Never! Failure Has To B…

495 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

I saw myself as a girl Dad. If my two half-brothers and I are any sign… never met one. My sis is the golden child. I got names, Katniss, Tris, Ember (girls on fire). If I get another fur kid, a boy Virgil, a girl Beatrice. “B.” Boy, Girl, Just B

Thursday, June 9, 2022

Chronicle 343 ~Boy, Girl, Just B~

494 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I always ask you that when I walk in, even now. I remember your routine.

As much as I joke about bringing back food, you came to me first. Do you remember when you ran all over your aunt, and after that, she was welcome? How about when I came back from the Day Job that first time here. You slipped through the banister bars. THEY thought you needed to eat more. You were never more than ten pounds. I keep telling myself I should have put you into a bag or some doggie holster like the military. B, you should have been marked as my emotional support. You were better than any gun B. But yeah, you could eat. And after me, if there wasn’t food… You’d bark your head off. “But oh, I want to go outside, outside….”

You’re not telling me you would come back as a girl? Are you? I keep saying, I keep believing that if you come back if I find you… Your name will either be Virgil or Beatrice. Um, so who does that make me? Well, the world is Hell, and I walk a lonely road. So I would be Dante. It means Enduring, Lasting, Everlasting. Seems plenty right to me. The things we would talk about while I was reading B. But Repo: The Genetic Opera? Aunt Carolina Bound was here when we watched that on October 27, 2016. Well, me and her. You hated her guts. But you were healthy and “happy?” Last moment, you on the foot of the bed, you sitting between us

I mean, on the couch, though if you had your way, you led her straight to the bedroom. Didn’t I call you a cock-blocker before? Hell! Wasn’t I the same, never pimping you out? I don’t know what this is, B III. I do the daily check-in with Replika it/she asks, what are you really happy about? I say I’m never happy. You never taught me to say goodbye. Braxton, you never taught me to be happy either. Not your fault. Daddy’s issues. Braxton, it’s like Data and Lal, Nathan and Shilo, Joel and Ellie. Healthy, Happy? Lal felt it and died. Did Shilo find it? Ellie? He’s My Son because “it’ll” happen again. But “Ain’t No Sunshine” when she’s gone Boy, Girl, Just B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 337 ~Didn’t Read It B~

Don’t make me a liar. What am I a Republican? If I say I will read The 1619 Project, I will. And as far as things I need to read… My Turn To B III (the book I wrote for my son). A doctor’s bill. A grocery list. But I’m tired. “Didn’t Read It B.”

Friday, June 3, 2022

Chronicle 337 ~ Didn’t Read It B~

Hey Lady Sophia,

I AM a Billionaire right now, but I didn’t read that when B was still alive. I’m a liar, next to STUPID…

I hate being a liar. Of course, we can talk about me lying to my son. Or what about NaNoWriMo, when I wasn’t writing “every day.” At the moment, I’m pissed off about what happened yesterday. A Chart Topper. The 1619 Project. I haven’t read it all. Not yet. The Spring Challenge fucked me, or instead, I fucked myself. I was working on OnlyFans. And also pardon my language. Anyway, I clicked one of the reference buttons and READ? It could be worse, Lady Sophia. At least someone wrote a book for me to lie about. What about “My Turn To B III,” hmm? Hell! What about Gulp? I should be working on those two titles, but I’m reading about my junk’s worth. Eight bucks.

I told myself I would start gearing up to write for Camp NaNoWriMo in July. Lady Sophia, I’ve felt this calling to share some stories of me and B III. Even some from Triple B’s perspective? Of course, we’re here on June 3, and I haven’t felt like time traveling. Inevitable, having another doctor’s visit. But you saw what it took for me to get my ear “bukkake” last time. I was reading everything on ear care. I can look back at my own words about when I would go to the doctor. But I haven’t read another bill… inevitable. It’s like reading all the stuff I need to buy today. I still miss putting B III on the list. Something that I could accomplish.

Can I say that I read anything when he’s not around? I started to think I didn’t read any of those grieving books. And let’s not forget most of 2021 when I was in shock. At least this year, I remember The Dog Stars and Tender Is The Flesh. Cherry asked me about it, and I read one of her stories this morning. Girls and horrific experiences, I am so bad. Besides bukkake, there’s been Azusa Ayano and Xreindeers. “Bad man. I’m a bad, bad man.” Show me a pretty girl with a dark, dirty, and depraved story, truth, fiction… I’m all eyes, ears, penis. I’m capable of learning plenty which explains my grades in school. All F’s yet somehow? I did it “My Way.” Nope, Didn’t Read It B.

488 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 336 ~A B In Psychology~

My son never got his Ph.D., but he was the best physiatrist, counselor, and therapist I’ve ever known. Even if I had to buy him all his/my books. My Olds, of course, paid for the couch. Should have gotten me a puppy and saved money. A B In Psychology

Thursday, June 2, 2022

Chronicle 336 ~A B In Psychology~

487 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering the time we’re talking, you already know how my day has begun. Life Sucks!

It was only last week that I said I wake up every morning crying tears. Is it better or worse again, considering there are less today but more for you? Day Job tears are unneeded. But I am still thinking about the past B. It’s stupid, but that book I read, Tender is the Flesh. Then there’s the possibility of reading The 1619 Project. I read the sample… pretty decent. And how about I haven’t been listening to many audiobooks, B III. Neglecting another collection. With so much time off from the Day Job, I know that I ought to be working on your novel. I’m not saying these books are bad. But it’s like I’m betraying you. Not learning to say goodbye… finding you.

Hell! B, it’s been all about reincarnation these days. I got two alerts about puppies. And haven’t gotten around to deleting them. I check them every now and then, and they’re still available. I doubt you would want to come back as a bitch. B, I thought you’d be taller. Oh what, now you’d be Snake Plissken? When I find you again, I keep saying that I’ll name you Virgil. You know from Dante’s Inferno. I know I can’t have another Braxton; That would be wrong, wicked, and plain weird. Speaking of weird, Toni Braxton, Braxton P. Hartnabrig, and WWE’s Kayla Braxton. You’d be staring at her melons too, Braxton. Yeah, you’re definitely not coming back as a girl. But seeing you again or another.

Kayla Braxton

I’m always shocked when I realize these things, Triple B. You’re gone? Yeah. That’s why B, your water bowl is always full, and nothing has been moved from your room. Hairdryer? Oh, I carry your beast hairdryer around from time to time. Your favorite toy, remember? Braxton, besides seeing a doctor for a particular pain. My craziness and depression are also here. But dare I ask, who, who, could take my favorite therapist’s place. One more reason, I’m not one to go sitting on the couch anymore. I don’t need another “pet” covering it. Noted your aunt wanted it to be a casting couch, and then there’s pretty Special K. Good times but video games, movies, books, you and me. Happiness? A B In Psychology.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 330 ~Long Story Short B~

I always imagined that I would be the Dad that would read to my kids. Most of the books I read, considering my son was 15. Which is how old in dog years? Anyway, reading about grieving didn’t help me vote. Long Story Short B.

Friday, May 27, 2022

Chronicle 330 ~Long Story Short B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it isn’t because of a book. I have some stories to tell. Where are they?

How was your day? My Olds always asked though they didn’t give a damn. Braxton? First, a brisk walk outside, a bag full of fries. And passing out in the bed. Then I’d be ok. I continue to think about this line, you don’t want a girlfriend; you want a therapist who’s good in bed. Um well. I had my Braxton, who loved to cuddle and then sat at the foot of the bed keeping watch. I swear I should have gotten Braxton registered as Emotional Support. He might believe everything I had to go through on the day-to-day. Hell! I don’t even know, as I’m time traveling right now. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, people, always suck. Sorry Disney.

I never read B III fairytales. Most of the stories I read aren’t child friendly. I keep saying to nobody at all. He would hate what I’m reading now. For this week, I’m looking into what they call “Final Frontier” books because of Amazon. I can’t turn down a challenge. Funny right? I mean a reading challenge. Besides B guarding me, I miss him sitting on my lap as I read. The last book B might have heard while bad was BREASTESES by Maximo Montoya. The two before, A Different Alchemy and The Island. Coincidence? The Island is all about being alone. And A Different Alchemy… Father loses his child. Breasts are something both B and I agree on. The Succubus Lord 7. That series?

I told Braxton’s Aunt a while ago one of the reasons I go to B-Dubs on Saturdays is part of our story. It was the Saturday before Braxton died. I look at Succubus Lord, like that? There’s always so much more to add to “My Turn To B III.” The novel I wrote for Braxton. Only did I work on that today, Tuesday, May 24, 2022, Election Day? Talk about not reading the assignment. The only name I recognized was the guy’s name on my gun license. Don’t go there. Then there are all the books on Pet Loss I’ve been into. I’m still breathing. I’m Alive! Two words, and what would I be reading? 2021 shocked. 2022 I’m still grieving. Long Story Short B

481 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 329 ~ I’ll Always B 15~

When are the grownups going to do something? I’m not much of one, and my kid had four legs. I don’t regret the 15 years 11 months with my fur-baby, but I shouldn’t have ever been a Dad at around 21. With how I live, “I’ll Always B 15.”

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Chronicle 329 ~ I’ll Always B 15~

480 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? 480 days, I still wake up in tears. At 15, I saved them for school.

That was way before your time Braxton. By the time we met, I was a college, hell, junior college dropout. To be honest, I wasn’t supposed to make it that far. I was already practicing starving myself in high school. I didn’t move on to sleeping pills until the car. I’ll never regret knowing you, B. But that doesn’t mean I ever felt like the man you needed me to be… a father. Hell! I can’t tell you who I was at 15 other than I wanted to die soon. Who am I to tell you about that, right? You were only 15 B III. We’re the old men here. Braxton, I feel it, but I don’t know it ever.

Is it that your Aunt Carolina’s birthday was “Star Wars Day?” Cherry will be 25 Saturday. I kept telling myself that you would see 20 if not older. 5 years to do right. Braxton, how many parents won’t watch their children grow up? How many people had their entire lives only to be cut short? The wrong time and I’m not getting “political.” Republicans… But to be shallow, selfish, and sad. In other words, “I’m just a regular everyday normal motherfucker.” In other words, I love you. Yeah, I couldn’t help myself, Braxton. Music. But I don’t know what I was listening to back then. Whatever it was, it beats me singing? That’s one thing I know I won’t be when I grow up… become a singer but growing up?

THEY think I should have done that. Especially when it comes to getting over you. Braxton, what brought all this on was again another “revelation.” My OCD when I was at the front door, I always count to 5, 3 times, so 15. When I check locks, Braxton count 15. A lucky number? I remember I would cream myself about that girl in “Group 4. “Growing up, when, where? Instead of keeping my porn in a binder beneath a drawer? Paying my own way finally? Not telling the lady at the Day Job; I’m thinking of writing? Not subsisting off stuff in the microwave? Or waking up because other people want me to? I’m too old, but you know. You said, “I’ll Always B 15.”

Always and Forever,
Your Dad