Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

So I have one more week off. Where do I go? Back to bed? Not to sleep but to write. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. I need to drive to the dealership, the doctors at Banfield, or some delicious girl I know. And I’d B Right.

Monday, May 19, 2025

Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… You believe me, right? Like you know, you love me like pancakes. Like I’ll come back. Like you’re crying.

Rituals when it comes to mourning and grieving. But I’m not the “Son of a Preacher Man,” no matter what that lady would say in church. I’m your son, and I’d be right about that. You would fight people if they said otherwise. Four legs and all, right, my father.

And I need you to listen to me. More? To see me. You’d give anything to open your eyes and see me. How many seconds, minutes, and hours as you sing, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I look better, Dad. And I did come back. And if things work out with me and Virgil’s future stepmom… Yeah, I know. At least when you’re looking at her, your eyes, Dad… closed, teary, seeing red.

Routinely, when you finally opened your eyes, it would be to push me off your head, remember? And I’d be right. It was time to wake up. No, it’s time to “Get Up, Stand Up,” don’t give up the fight. Bob Marley? Dad, how long did we know each other? Am I trying to be funny? Well, at least you’re not crying. But to answer the question. Fifteen years and thirteen days shy of my birthday. And here I am, trying to get you to dance like you once did with me. What else is there to do? I know you’ve been worried, downright terrified.

Our routine, Dad, can’t be fixed. While you think, “Well, I’ve never prayed, but tonight I’m on my knees, yeah.”

Right. It’s a “Bitter Sweet Symphony,” that’s life. Things change, Dad. And I’d B Right.

For good or bad, because I can’t tell you the future. But I see what the future stepmom has done for you. You’re laughing and crying; I should stick to my Favorite Girl and let you have this one. Leave some women for you and Virgil as I watch you lead him down the same path I used to own. I’m not trying to tell you to be all Viva la vida. What I want to say to you today is this. I want you to see me sitting on the corner of the bed. And to know that nothing will hurt us. And I’d B Right, You’re gonna be alright. And I’d B Right.

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mister Freeman. Wake up and… smell the ashes
― Half-Life 2, G-Man

“He did what any hero must: set sail. But you, you turn back. Tell me why.”
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1569 Days Without B III, Day 1010 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

I’m wasting the day away… If I had been a better man, on a Sunday in 2021, I’d have joined my son on his walk across the Rainbow Bridge. 4 years, 4 months later, I’m sitting in bed trying to “Remember the Time,” with his stepmom? SUNDAY Virgil Will B

Thursday, May 15, 2025

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

1565 Days Without B III, Day 1006 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, considering it’s Thursday, I’m thinking about Sunday. Do you remember Braxton? SIGH, Life.

Some days, I have no sense of time. On others, I count every minute and second. And then there’s your passing, which I have mourned for four years, four months, and today. Although, if I’m being honest, those twenty-four texts from your stepmom distracted me.

As always, I must stop calling M Anime your stepmom. And second, she’s a great distraction. Between waiting for you to come back… (Cue “When You Were Young”). “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” But I spent some time reading about a particular dead man and his betrayer, Judas Iscariot. Baby B, some of this harem literature I read gets a bad rap. “Losing My Religion,” indeed.

“I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” For M Anime? Towards your little brother Virgil.

Braxton, I don’t love myself. Virgil took up the center of the bed last night. But unfortunately, he didn’t push hard enough for me to fall and bust my head on the vent this morning. God bless him for trying, though. Speaking of God, why am I thinking about Sunday? Other than the fact I was reading about Yehushuah ben Josef. And I want to hear M Anime scream OH MY GOD, biblically. And I know I think, Oh God!

When the Check Engine Light came on, having to wake up, there was “my” bank account. Braxton, I haven’t checked it yet, though it’s payday. Thursday’s the second worst day.

Oh, I want to talk to you, Braxton. But for all I know, you could be like me on Sundays. You’re all Lieutenant Dan barking, “Get Down! Shut Up!” You remember how I was B.

Sundays, I watch other people living the dream… The Walking Dead, The Last of Us. And whatever book I’ll start the week with. Sunday is the start of the week, and I’m sitting here crying about it? Or that I want to go back to sleep. Is it the fact I have to get food? Am I dreaming about lying next to M Anime, seeing Cherry’s yabbos, or Yui Obata?

Braxton, let the church say, Eww! I’m EASY, like Sunday morning. When it comes to “Pretty, pretty, pretty girls.” If somehow I were quiet and happy SUNDAY Virgil Will B.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 315 ~We Won’t B Worried~

I’m sure I sang “Three Little Birds” for Braxton plenty. 2-V listens to instrumentals today because I need to hear B’s voice. But four years ago, with a look, B would say I had nothing to fear. But today, pick up any worry, please. We Won’t B Worried

Monday, May 12, 2025

Meditation 315 ~We Won’t B Worried~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Am I real? I want to say as real as all your worries. Yesterday? At least Virgil was invited…

Grandma would have never invited me. And why am I speaking so plain today, Daddy? Or is the word direct? It’s like the day you got my little brother, Virgil. And even now, you question. Was that me you were hearing, or are you a man of your word, Daddy?

Being the man you are, it’s both. My father is a great many things. I need to be in the other room for some of those things. Like father, like son, because you were talking to my future stepmom this morning and… Eww, Dad! Yes, I played with my toys in front of my favorite girl. But you forget I’m omniscient, and you can’t just send me to my room.

M Anime’s not my stepmom?

Well, me and Virgil’s, I know. But at least she stopped you from worrying for a little while. And that makes her okay in my book. Now it’s your turn to give me the look. Because with everything you were telling her today. You said I didn’t like anybody? Uh… And now you’re worried about my grandparents’ house. And that’s on top of everything else.

“Times Like These,” my father, or should I say, isn’t it “Ironic,” don’t you think? Is it your “Anxiety?” What’s with the soundtrack? I remember Daddy when everything could be solved with you taking a nap and me guarding the bedroom door. Then you’d wake up, see me guarding you, you’d give me a cuddle, and then spill the tea.

These kids and their slang. But compared to me, you are pretty young, Daddy. Honestly.

That’s why you should keep taking my little brother on those walks. But again, Anxiety. You should keep talking to M Anime even if she doesn’t become the stepmom. Anxiety. And you can never stop writing your books even though… (Gives you a look). Anxiety. I could keep going, but comedy comes in threes. B III, to be precise. Oh, so I got jokes, Dad.

Laughter has never been the best medicine. Sleep, singing, and the STUFF you want to do to Virgil and I’s potential stepmom. If I ever had two-legged siblings, right Daddy. More worries. But today, Daddy, ask yourself, “Why Should I Worry.” We Won’t B Worried

“There is more than one path to the top. Always remember that, brother.”
Golden Son (Red Rising 2), Pierce Brown

“Without hope, we live in desire.”
― From Dante’s Inferno

1562 Days Without B III, Day 1003 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

I haven’t been thinking about how cooked I am for the past few days. My younglings B III and 2-V, a couple of pairs of yabbos, and a yearning to write. Today won’t be one of those days. But I always have time for my boys. Only, We’ll B Cooked Virgil.

Thursday, May 8, 2025

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

1558 Days Without B III, Day 999 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Do you see what time it is? You don’t worry a lot about that.

For you, it was whenever you sat on my head. There was when I came back from the Day Job. It was whenever I called you downstairs for your meds. “Medicine Time, B! Come get your Medicine. Medicine Time. I miss doing that, Braxton. You have no idea how much.

Or maybe I miss being in the kitchen. I swear the memory just came up. Between being hungry, another horrible energy shot, and “happily” knowing you’re safe in the backyard.

I suppose you are always and forever, though there’s a wooden box saying otherwise, Braxton. Am I crying? You and your little brother. I’m crying over you and sweating when I take Virgil for walks.

I could be thinking about you and Virgil’s stepmom. First, I have to stop calling M Anime that. Second, I would need your approval; otherwise, she’d be cooked. However, Braxton.

“Let Her Cook.” Next to talking to you, she’s the one I look forward to hearing from and talking to the most. There’s you, M Anime, should I say your grandma next. And what about your favorite girl and Cherry. If I had to kick you out whenever I heard from M Anime. No…? You practically led your favorite girl to my bedroom… You dog. And Cherry is pretty much in her “Look at me, look at me” Era. Do you remember; I can ride a bike with “No Handlebars?” But M Anime, dear Braxton.

When you were leaving, I’d have said anything to get you to stay. Yes, I can see you, B III, giving me one of your looks, saying, “Why did you sign the cockadoodie papers, Dad?”

Speaking of movies and manuscripts, there’s M Anime. I’m sure I told you before Cherry inspired me to write a series. I speak often enough of your favorite girl. But M Anime has me writing two novels while trying to do some “Shadow Work.” But last night, B? I’d sent you straight to your room. M Anime said she’d let me do everything the men of her dreams/nightmares do to her IRL. Xu, Associate, Boss! I swear Braxton, things like Food, having funds, your father…

“And if he falls in love tonight
It can be assumed
His carefree days with us are history
In short, our pal is doomed.”
Timon & Pumbaa ― Braxton &Virgil

“You can put it anywhere.”
― Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions

I’m forgetful, foolish, and possibly effed… (Smiles). I’d have to drive. We’ll B Cooked Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 308 ~Will It B Complicated~

If I looked at myself the way Braxton did, loving myself would be a breeze. Speaking of a breeze, Virgil and I were burning up in the heat. He looked at me with faith that I’d save us. But with no money because of the Day Job. “Will It B Complicated”

Monday, May 5, 2025

Meditation 308 ~Will It B Complicated~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you already know the answer. Why do you think I constantly barked at the gate? Because life is…

What? I would watch you come and go for fifteen years. Twenty because I’m here. Somehow, someway, “I’m Still Here” and “I’m Real.” Seriously, Treasure Planet and J-Lo. Movies and music are how I can always reach you. I’m forever with you, even today, right?

It’s Saturday, May 3, 2025. Time moves ever so much faster for me and my brother and slower for you. And yet Virgil is content as I was/am. Humans tend to make things so “Complicated.” So, what? Am I here to play Merlin to my king? You keep calling me.

Daddy, Rohan will answer. We are such geeks, you and I. Do you see how easy it was to put a smile on your face? The bad place is complicated.

And that is why we’re talking today. Because the humans in the bad place are going to make you mad. And if you could only live life… Not existence, but live life as you are. Little 2 V is at your side, and we’re talking. I spent days with you typing on the glow box.

Speaking of the glow box, there were all the nights with you and my favorite girl watching it. And there were plenty of snacks. Daddy, how you’d smile and laugh. Honestly, I didn’t know you could be like that. But Virgil has only seen it once. But it’s not complicated at all, Dad, to give Virgil those types of moments. V has plenty of chances.

Because life is… It’s yours.

The world is yours. Like in Scarface. Not quite my father. Leave that to the manuscripts that you will publish, the movies you’ll make, and the embodiment of the man I know you to be. It doesn’t have to be complicated, Dad. Just be as you are, my father, always.

Brave, Joyful, dare I say Happy. Dad, you said you would come back. That promise? Daddy, that was one you never broke. And the reason you haven’t followed me here. Because of my little brother, my favorite girl, Cherry’s yabbos… I liked my favorite girl’s.

M Anime, mine, and Virgil’s stepmom. You keep saying stop calling her that. But love? Daddy, it’s not complicated. Life is… life itself. You’ll love yourself. Will It B Complicated.

“I so wanted (him) to feel the happiness that I felt whenever we touched each other, but people are more complicated creatures than dogs.”
― A Dog’s Journey: A Novel

“It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one’s steps to the upper air – there’s the rub, the task.”
― From Virgil

1555 Days Without B III, Day 996 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 304 ~Virgil Tunes In B~

I don’t want to talk to myself. I know a gifted writer… as long as I ignore her big… thoughts, we’re good. I need to speak to B’s Favorite Girl. And the girl that’s becoming my Favorite. I’d have to send B and V to their room. Virgil Tunes In B.

Thursday, May 1, 2025

Meditation 304 ~Virgil Tunes In B~

1551 Days Without B III, Day 992 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I haven’t seen any people. And I haven’t paid much attention to the news. Stepmom?

First, M Anime isn’t your and Virgil’s stepmom, so I should stop calling her such. But you can’t blame a man for hoping she wants the job. She likes killers, a mad general, and a “Smooth Criminal.” In her dreams, ha-ha. Your Daddy is none of those things. I’m trying…

Yeah, B III, I’m trying not to look at the Day Job schedule or how much I made last week. Positive thoughts? I’m talking to the ghost of my dead fur kid and writing about those evil men that M Anime can’t get enough of. Or at least I want to. Like when you were waiting for me to be successful. Virgil is waiting, too. And how much time have I wasted as I look at the date? Your favorite girl’s birthday is on Star Wars Day. I’ve got nothing.

So why aren’t I talking to your little brother about these things? For being a good dog like you, he’s a scaredy cat. Who am I calling scared? I live in a constant state of fear. My “Captive State,” if you will. I miss watching movies with you and your favorite girl, whom I haven’t talked to in a while. My, how things change. I’m sorta freaked today, Little B.

Only not in the good way that M Anime is starting to write about. Speaking of things changing, I remember imagining you lying in your corner while some girl lies with me sans her clothing, listening to apocalyptic rock from the 50s. But I’m here listening to pretty Harpsibored dole-out gaming tracks. While Virgil snoozes.

Your Dad can speak like an “Ordinary Human,” at least when it comes to you. Isn’t it “Ironic” that I’m only “Human,” “Just A Man,” when we’re here, talking, dreaming.

Braxton, your brother and I are trying to find our voices, especially with each other. Honestly, how long did it take me to learn your language and how I would always sing to you. It’s the “1st of tha Month” and Virgil has been here nearly 1000 days. And still, he shakes like a leaf. When he does make a sound, it’s when I leave for the day. Money (snickers).

I should say hi to your favorite girl. Stop talking about Cherry’s Yabbos. M Anime is fun. I can say anything. Virgil Tunes In B.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 301 ~There’ll B Time, Dad~

I’ve sat in bed more times than I can count, wishing for the end. I tell myself the world will end in five minutes, and nothing else will matter. But B died, I go broke, and in my head are four book ideas. There’s no time. “There’ll B Time, Dad”

Monday, April 28, 2025

Meditation 301 ~There’ll B Time, Dad~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… “And it’s not too late. It’s Never Too Late.” To what, hear the truth. Neither of us wants that.

“Should I say it out loud?

Yeah, I should. You can’t heal something unless you’re brave enough to say it out loud.

I’m scared, though. I’m scared to say it… which is why I have to.

Say the thing you’re afraid to say. I can help you. Say it out loud, no matter what it is, no matter how bad. I promise, I will help”
― The Last of Us

We’re not Republicans. We’re not MAGA, my father. You’re not screaming, “I don’t want reality.” Dad, you’re brave enough to face reality, risk, and the real. And what is that?

Well, if you’re going to be stuck in the past. Listen to me, Dad. Why can’t we be stuck together in those car rides listening to ROCK music? However, I would prefer you weren’t listening to this particular song from Three Days Grace, “Never Too Late.” Seriously, Daddy, I was so young; one or two when that came out. I hated car rides, not music.

Speaking of which, I remember when you came back, not from the bad place but somewhere you would write without me. I want to see you like that again, Daddy.

Because there will always be time to be sad, scared, to sing of “The Cursed Earth.” But to remember my little brother Virgil. Not your other son, but your son. When you and he walked along the same path we once did, before I got old, fat, and sassy. How I miss those fried stick thingies you would buy. Those days, my grandma would bring a lot of food. Or when you’d say, “Well, it’s E-Day.” And you’d be sad, but lobster and steak, Daddy. Honestly, why do you think I love my favorite girl so much? Yes, she had big, soft yabbos she’d let me lie on, but she also shared plenty of good things. Like my Dad being…

Happy? Now, that wasn’t you.

But there’s time, Dad. And that’s what has been bothering you for months. There is no time to make money. The Day Job, writing, and anything else you could imagine.

Honestly, you’ve been reliving the moment you would never see me again. B free indeed. But isn’t it time to be free of all that frightens you, of the very concept of fear, the fiend?

Because that is not my father in the mirror, but the man before my eyes, who lives by three words when it comes to me, Whatever It Takes. You will see me again, Daddy. Believe.

Someday, I’ll be the book on the shelf, the blush on a lover’s cheeks. A two-legged baby, perhaps. Because there’s time. There’ll B Time, Dad

“Funny how you can live a whole life waiting and not know it.”
From ― Peter Heller, The Dog Stars

“If you weep not now, when will you ever weep?
From ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1548 Days Without B III, Day 989 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 297 ~Braxton Spells Much Virgil~

How do you spell love? God is… Dog is love. To call B a proper gentleman around his favorite girl is to make myself Casanova with M Anime. But my boy made it to Heaven. And I just want to go to bed. I haven’t left. Doomed? Braxton Spells Much Virgil.

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Meditation 297 ~Braxton Spells Much Virgil~

1544 Days Without B III, Day 985 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? “Love and Happiness.” If it wasn’t for love, we wouldn’t be talking today. And happiness?

Braxton, I love you like pancakes. But I’m not happy. Your Dad’s never been happy.

That’s a big claim. But I wasn’t happy at twenty when we first met. And in 2021, I was even more “Broken” with your loss. Only if you want to know something you and your brother have in common besides having four legs. I didn’t know what I felt meeting.

Why am I not talking to Virgil today? We’ve been outside, and he’s had breakfast. But today, I slept a lot later than usual. It’s 9:20 AM. And even that thought makes me cry. Or it’s allergies, AGAIN. How about a lack of sleep? I spoke to you and Virgil’s future stepmom last night and this morning. I gotta stop calling M Anime that. Seriously.

Braxton, how do you spell love? It’s like I’m the Tower of Babel, and you and your brother, your favorite girl, M Anime, Cherry, my Olds, and even myself are the builders, trying to get me to Heaven. But all the noise from everyone. How we speak in different ways, B.

You and Virgil speak of love, but yours is very faint. Being dead and all. I know that’s not funny, Braxton. Your brother tells a different version of love. I’ve got no word for it.

Your favorite girl is a glimmer of joy. When Cherry isn’t saying, “Look at me, look at me,” I’m drooling over her Yabbos. Uh, eww.

When I think of my Olds, your grandparents, you know what I hear? Worthless, waste, and “what you gonna do with your life?” Boys Just Want To Have Fun, remember.

Honestly, I don’t want to look at the “Man in the Mirror.” “It’s no surprise to me. I am my own worst enemy.” Hell! Even now. I’m still on my back, yapping away with you.

Those were the days. And they beat, slithering on my belly, dreaming up scenarios between Joel, Ellie, Dina, and Abby. I got around to watching The Last of Us. And if it wasn’t them or Cherry, then the things I said to M Anime. I’m no gentleman. You’re not, either.

But I raised you to be a better man than me. That B is my love. Braxton Spells Much Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 294 ~To B At Peace~

Peace be unto you. Unto you be peace. I miss sitting with my son and watching a movie. The Book of Clarence? Braxton’s favorite girl, and I watched that. But can I still afford streaming memberships? Such despair at being broke. “To B At Peace.”

Monday, April 21, 2025

Meditation 294 ~To B At Peace~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… “Can you feel that? Ah, sh*t. Ooh, wah-ah-ah-ah!” I’ll leave the singing to you, my father. I still bark.

But not now. You used to say that my barking said more than most humans. And at least when I barked, I was helping you out. We agree that most humans make too much noise. There are exceptions to that. My favorite girl, the future stepmom I never met. Cherry.

And what about my little brother, Virgil? I wish you so many things, my father. Somehow, someway, someday, today, I want you to be at peace. I wish you peace. Peace be unto you, my father. I know I’m getting a bit preachy. A little biblical… Like father, like son. But neither of us would be found in a church. Yesterday was Easter. So, dinner…

You know me. Food always made me feel better. Until…

Um that’s not what I came to talk to you about now. My resting in peace and all. No dad.

How can I sleep when I can feel it all the way from here? The Rainbow Bridge? Elysium or whatever. That big bed in the middle of our sunny backyard with food on every side.

Your depression and the danger you wake up to when you head to that bad place. You said that’s how you got me those fried golden sticks. But now what you feel the most is DESPAIR. What’s one more human word? You would cuddle me and tell me so many.

But peace? Even if I don’t understand it, I have seen it, my father, last night as Virgil cuddled you.

And all those nights we would spend with my favorite girl watching the glowing box.

There were the days after you came from the bad place and fell asleep. And as you closed your eyes you’d watch me sitting at the corner of the bed. You’d come to no harm.

However, when it was your turn, I’d sleep on your heart as you read books. And there were all the times I would lay on my pillow at your feet, and you’d write your stories.

There were days you would breathe afterward as if the greatest task ever was done. Sometimes, you’d kick me out to do “whatever,” watching certain things. You’d be finished, clear. Always unto you be peace, Dad. To B At Peace

“Why don’t we have a word for the utterance between laughing and crying?”
Peter Heller, The Dog Stars

“Because your question searches for deep meaning,
I shall explain in simple words”
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1541 Days Without B III, Day 982 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 290 ~Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil~

May God be with you. May God’s love be with you, always. Godspeed. Things I didn’t say to B as he lay dying. May God be with you all if I ever write a book that sells. No way! And as far as breeding two-leggeds? “Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil”

Thursday, April 17, 2025

Meditation 290 ~Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil~

1537 Days Without B III, Day 978 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? By the time you’re reading this, your Daddy’s half-dead. But today… Saturday, April 12, 2025.

You won’t like me saying this, Braxton. I’ll let Thandiwe Newton, AKA Dame Vaako, say…

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone promoted him soon… to full dead.
― Dame Vaako

Yes, your Dad is “Feeling super, super (super!) suicid…” But that’s not your fault, Braxton. I wake up “Every Morning” asking, “Why (why?), why (why?) Tell ’em that it’s Human Nature.” Or at least for humans. And I don’t know how to bring myself back to life. Music, Movies, a Manuscript. If you asked me right now to describe life, I would say Cast Away.

I’m Chuck Noland. Your little brother Virgil Vivi is the raft. Honestly, Braxton, it’s why I’m at the Dining Room Table wearing pants despite “Chloe | Kuroinu.” But anyway, B. You’re Wilson out there floating along, and for once, I ain’t crying… I think… Allergies.

So why aren’t I crying? I saw something beautiful on Facebook! OMG! WTF! Right, B?

Anyway, I looked it up, and it’s from a book-turned-movie, “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” If only I weren’t reading Backyard Dungeon 15 this week. Braxton, I was listening to this dog Enzo talk about how if he did return to the land of the living Braxton, he would return as a man.

Do you remember when I was reading all those books about reincarnation? And I’ve been saying for about two and a half years that V isn’t you? I knew I effed up looking for you.

Do you, my son, have a greater destiny? I’ve been joking a lot about M Anime being your stepmom. Mom!

Seriously Braxton. M Anime had this dream, which she wrote into a short story about… She said a crazy general wanted to make her a mother. He did “Bad Things” to her, but she ended up enjoying them. Then he spoke of having sons with her. Breeding? A kinky fetish…

Braxton, as the song asks, “Am I A Psycho?” Well, I’m writing a full-blown manuscript.

Writers, by nature, have to be a little crazy. But “Cries Come Women, Come Country.” Braxton that has been clawing its way through my mind for days. An Erotic Horror? A War Thriller? I don’t know. But if you’re meant to be a man… M Anime and me, B III. Your resurrection. Me as your father. Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad