Raphael’s Redemptive Rage Ravishment Review “Book Review”

This is a long-overdue sequel to my review on The Fallen Genesis. Yet, it shows how long this story has stayed with me and how I still listen to the soundtrack from October… of 2019. Raphael’s Redemptive Rage Ravishment Review, when lust becomes love

Raphael’s Redemptive Rage Ravishment Review

“Chastity will cure Lust.” Raphael

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.” ― 1 Corinthians 13:11 (Bible)

Well, when I was a child, the name Raphael meant one thing. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles though I always thought of myself as more of a Donatello. Until I got clued in, I wasn’t that smart, so my thoughts on Tillie Cole’s book Raphael? I can tell you I liked it, and since I’m not one to waste time, I gave it five stars. Of course, that’s not why you’re here. It’s not for my philosophy on life or art either. So I promise you I’ll do what I can to explain the novel. How dare I, but okay, SIGH.

Raphael is the sequel to Tillie Cole’s novel The Fallen: Genesis. That’s the prequel to the Deadly Virtues series. I take it to mean that each story will be another of the Seven Deadly Sins. I know Ker Dukey is doing something like that too, but that’s neither here nor there. As far as Tillie Cole, I’ve read three of her tales. Sick Fux is still my favorite, but Raphael is in second place, no doubt. If you know my biases, you will understand why. I should add I’m not one for religion even though I am hoping for the second circle if there is a Hell. What guy doesn’t and you’ll have to excuse me, I lost myself in Far Cry 5 for a while. Is that why this review took so long? On that note, Raphael is full of lust with some madness and mayhem that I won’t give away until the end. So the first book in the series covered Gabriel; this is more of Raphael’s story.

“Hardships aged the soul even if the skin your body wore told another story.” Raphael

Now living up to the promises of the first. We see Raphael has come into his own as a man. Doing what seems to come naturally, he has become a proficient killer and is sent on the hunt by his big brother. Again there isn’t much bloodshed until such a point and time. And that’s because he comes face to face with his little rose. Maria, a nun in training who finds herself in the wrong place at the right time. A monster, a miracle, but a must-have for Raphael. Can’t say I fault the man at all because I liked her too. Now, I didn’t like the Brotherhood, which makes them the best kind of villains. If you told me such a group existed in reality, I wouldn’t argue. Oh yeah, they do, they’re called the Catholic Church. I also admire an author that will take a shot at the “faithful” at any time.

I am a fan of the His Dark Materials series of books, well the three I read. Haven’t I come up since then reading these types of stories? I guess you shouldn’t answer that. There are also a few excellent touches of BDSM in Raphael as far as Maria’s neck is concerned. She also comes with quite a dark past that she doesn’t want to look “BACK” on; that’s a hint. It is pretty gruesome. Yet nobody gets into this expecting everything to be sweetness and light. For me, it was another incredible take in an ongoing erotica genre motif.

“What must it be like to live a life of such darkness?” ― Tillie Cole.

For the most part, the novel speaks about Raphael and Maria. The two protagonists, a lust story that turns into a love story. I say lust gets a bad rap, but again it’s the second circle but the first where any punishment gets dealt out. We see that from Raphael and the other Fallen members. And The Brotherhood, as they begin to launch a counterstrike. I was quite excited to see how far this war would go. As anyone could have guessed with Raphael and Maria’s future trials. Their tribulations.

Except for being a killer, Raphael is a pretty decent human being. A man with a fetish for some lengthy hair, a lean neck, and long stem roses. He also frequents sex clubs. For ravishing good times, to reveal his psyche and his revelations. I’m not sure if they received mentions in the first book, but it’s what Gabriel has named his assignments. You see that in Raphael that every target is tailor-made for the brother who goes. I’ve heard of honor amongst thieves. And that was something that disappointed me about his character. I swear I turned lawyer as soon as “it” went down but still for Raphael to pull such a stunt. Yes, ladies, all men are that dumb when it comes to a particular girl. Another way of saying it would be, am I my brother’s keeper. Yes, I am, although I could name a few celebrities I know here or there.

“You have taken everything we are, the blood oath, our brotherhood, our commandments, and turned your back on us. All for a woman.” Tillie Cole

Maria, on the other hand, was portrayed perfectly. The naïve young woman with a past, a promise, and a pact with the Devil to boot. She is Raphael’s fantasy made flesh, and from the moment he sets eyes on her, they were both goners. The only problems she had were all the results of men. From the monsters who handled her to those, she found herself with eventually. Well, maybe not, but that’s for another story, I suppose. Maria made the perfect submissive. How it makes you think about religious women in general. She had daddy issues, but also the rest of the family suffered the same fate. The family issue is better, well no. Could we call it a suspension of disbelief with some of the calls she made in this tale? I’ll say so, but her love for Raphael, I swear if a woman found me so captivating, marriage wouldn’t be far behind.

Still, Raphael swore himself to his brothers and Maria well? There are reasons I don’t trust the church anymore, and no, I was never a catholic. I felt terrible for The Fallen, and it was upsetting that Maria gave in to how she lived such a life for so long. Together though, against the world, well, that’s the sort of love I know we all want. One more reason I read these types of titles, oh, and seeing The Brotherhood and The Fallen face off. Was that a spoiler, well I hope you’re ready for more, or you could stop right here if you like.

“Sin is simply due to the absence of love.” Raphael

Five stars all the way around and not only for sex. Yes, there’s horrific violence. Of course, none of that was aimed at Maria; did I say that out loud. She signed up for it when it came to Raphael, which wasn’t violence but their consensual kink. Right up until the end of the title.

“He was a sinner. He was going to hell. But he was sure this was how heaven would feel. Warmth and bliss and whole-body pleasure.” ― Raphael by Tillie Cole

Okay, OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING, are you ready, are you? The sex is top-notch, but it’s the last bit when Maria is looking at death in the face. She wants to fulfill Raphael’s most fantastic fantasy. To be honest, I have told women some of mine. 50% of the time, it works every time, haha. Maria lives and “dies” his. If you don’t literally see that scene when you’re reading it, the fight with the Brotherhood. The Fallen standing together, how many movies wish they could set the stage so well. Puts me in The Matrix or John Wick, state of mind. To quote, Keanu Reeves ahem “GUNS, lots of guns” and other assorted hardware. At the very end, when Maria takes her place amongst The Fallen, how I’ve needed a sequel since yesterday. Now, I doubt they will ever make this a movie… did I mention the sex? Anyway, Tillie Cole has an excellent soundtrack.

So seeing as how I’ve given this novel a five-star rating, there can’t be anything wrong with it? Once again, I mention the lack of a sequel, and I’ve only read three titles from this author. Sick Fux will always be my favorite but never say never. Where could the author go with The Fallen? However, I would have thought there would have been more of a trial aspect. When Raphael broke the rules of The Fallen. That’s not a criticism, but I was already getting my arguments set up when it came to how they operated. If anything, it was a tad glossed over, um yep. It would have also been cool to hear about the rest of the Revelations. But again, there was a huge battle. There’s also the fact that it is set up ready for a sequel. I know I’m repeating myself but come on, we’re all still waiting and hoping.

If you’re what I think of as a “Holy Roller,” you’ll hate this book. I’m not one for hymns or spiritual music, but I would never have given it a chance if it wasn’t for this book. Yes, even I will listen to “Abide With Me.” You can even see the scenes in your mind in correlation to the soundtrack. Somehow I remained amazed that women like stories like this? Once again, not a criticism, only being a black man in America and I would never meet a girl like Maria. It’s like women searching for Prince Charming on the Disney Channel. Yes, the narrative is fictional, but one wishes. Interested, I hope so because this is a must-read. The type of story that stays with you and my word, how long has it taken me to get this full review out? I guess I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. My idea of Raphael’s Redemptive Rage Ravishment Review

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Last week I said I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19) anymore, and I’m not alone in that. Besides all the fears that come with being a black man in this country. I have to find the courage to even get out of bed. “Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage”

Monday, June 1, 2020

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Hundred And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… yep along with saying I’m hopeful. I’m sorry to say Madam Justice; all I have is the fear. Oh, and the lusts, I can’t forget about that. As the song goes, it takes two, but what do you get when you add terror and horniness? Isaku, Dark Shell, The Harvest Night? I would advise you not to look those up. So why even say their names, you ask me? Allow me this small luxury, it’s taking everything not to look at them myself, amongst other things. Tip of the iceberg I tell you but back to business.

I tell you every now and again, I am not a man of faith. At this moment, however, as the song goes. Please allow me to improvise, I’m a man of God with no need for saving. Hell, that’s the very first thing, especially with the current news, to live as I will, no allowance. From a concept to a prayer. For this week, I pray for courage not only for myself but for my son. He has faith I will return. You can even call it, hope when I tell him so. Through I shared fear sadly of the world beyond these walls, we combine our strength to survive. Madam Justice, I fear this entire week though, so wherein lies my hope. Dare I dream of my Six Impossible Things? Lies aren’t they, each and every week. I don’t hope I have good days. No, I fear that day when I’ll get myself fired.

So again, I’m looking for courage. Fear Plus Hope, but how about Purpose And Why. Here’s another song for you, Joy And Pain, as my aunt taught me? Here and now Madam Justice I am afraid, but I’m telling myself I will be better. Like at the Day Job last week, how I got birds slamming into the door now. How about the fact that my “father” is coming over? Fear can serve as great motivation, but it’s running with no destination, and your legs give, and you end up like me. Yeah, lying in bed, hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow. What do I hope for, though, and that’s pretty damn easy to answer ahem WOMEN.

My purpose, but why? When can I tell the world that, to be that brave? Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 273 ~Faith, In You, In Something~

Well, a different rule but repeated actions. I had faith that I would write something, look at the book, go shopping, and back to it being 3:00 PM trying not to look at women, playing TWD until 5:30 PM. I believe I’m lazy. Faith, In You, In Something

Monday, March 30, 2020

Log 273 ~Faith, In You, In Something~

Hundred And Thirtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how many times do I have to say it before I believe it? When I was so young, I grew up in the AME church. I remember saying something to the tune of, on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Those were about loving God and loving your neighbor. Now I can’t say I do much of either anymore, but what two things do I repeat every day. I AM a Millionaire, Billionaire, Trillionaire, and I Will Have No Fear. The Law of Attraction. Allow me to try my best “Trinity” impression.

I believe “that girl” from last night wasn’t playing me for a fool. (Friday Night) I met this girl on Whisper. She was sweet, a mom, pretty, etc. So you’re asking me why no cute nickname? Well, haven’t heard from her at all today, and of course, that could mean anything. Do you see how quickly the negative thoughts come through? I could get played; I wasted the day, I’ll never get to sleep on time SIGH. I believe that we’ll have this conversation, but that doesn’t take much faith at all. Here we are, another day, okay, I promise I’ll stop it with the negativity. I believe AHEM I believe that I’ll go out tomorrow and gather much-needed supplies. We’re not starving, of course, but you know what it means when I set my clock for a twenty-minute nap? Not a “dang” thing ever.

You don’t know quite how badly I want to belt out the Blessid Union of Souls’ version of “I Believe.” Ironically, I believe by Monday night; when I finally post this, I’ll have a new gun. Life in the plague era and I’ve never once thought about getting sick; oh yeah, that Regal Popcorn. Anyway, I believe that I can keep “it” in my pants, and no, I’m not talking about a gun. I’m still working on my novella “The Eve of a Cherry,” and the two female leads well. It’s not like I’ve ever needed an excuse right, but at least I fixed two hundred errors today. Last but not least, ha-ha, I want to say that I believe in myself. I was talking to Cherry the other day and repeated all my dreams.

Why shouldn’t I, I ask, a man with “something” to do? All I need is Faith, In You, In Something.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 210 ~Telling Will Mustard Seed~

It’s telling that my faith in myself is a mustard seed and as for 99.9 of humanity, well what’s smaller than that; a virus, anyway I wish I was as wealthy as whoever owns mustard, and if Johnny Appleseed could do it. “Telling Will Mustard Seed.”

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Episode 210 ~Telling Will Mustard Seed~

To Will:
How To Make A Million Dollars, tell yourself that you want to make that kind of money and considering the “Herculean” tasks you ask of yourself every week… let it already be said that I have failed again. I think I spoke of the purpose of one seed once that the Motivations get wrong, a seed is meant to know burial, it gains nutrients from the dirt, from the rain, people march over it, animals seek it, but if it lives its purpose, a seed will grow up.

My “big sister” Dreamswoven told me once; you can’t build a strip club next to a school which is true and morally right, only she was talking about my words, one more demonstration in the power of writing that people won’t understand you or me. Do you know that Johnny Appleseed’s apples were not exactly for eating but instead hard cider and Applejack and that it was prohibition that sought to bury that part of his legacy? In the movie Lord Of War Nicolas Cage’s character Yuri Orlov talks about there being one gun for every twelve people, and he asked himself how does he go about arming the other eleven; men with little “concepts” building empires, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 028 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 035 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Big things, small packages as it is here in the gospel of “THEY” such glaring failure when I ask so little, hell when I enjoy so little… snacks (Peanuts, Sour Gummi Bears, Ranch Wings), several video games (TWD No Man’s Land, Far Cry 5 and Detroit: Become Human ((watching)), and sex don’t even get me started from True Teen Babes, “Taboo” and tits fantastic from the MILF. There are enough big things out there seeking to destroy you, your pillow; I suppose your PENIS can fit into that category but most importantly of all, so many people. Now the question is your faith, your belief in yourself, sometimes it’s as big as your head, above or below, sometimes it’s as small as the characters blowing away walkers and then it’s in the middle, sitting here planning again, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 035 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Call it Joseph Seed who at the end SPOILER ALERT was right about the end, and that’s the good ending. Maybe you’ll be no better than those charlatans preaching the “Prosperity Gospel” or perhaps when you’re done drooling over some nipples, I’m asking for something as small, sporting, and sinful as the seed that plants you here every day. You know how I hate saying try, but you continue to believe and if something as tiny as your “Will” (yeah you did see the Fapping win) is enough for you to keep going as THEY say you can move mountains high, Telling Will Mustard Seed.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 209 ~Ye Of Little Will~

Things I want to believe someday, I Love You, I Need You, I Miss You, I Believe In You, hell maybe that fourth one will be the hardest, and if I can’t say it to myself, why think anyone else will, WHY — Ye Of Little Will

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Episode 209 ~Ye Of Little Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, BELIEVE, now that doesn’t sound so hard does it; considering everything I choose to have faith in, that I’ll wake up at a decent hour, maybe I’ll be done by five, or that “Negan” coming for a visit will be good.

I shouldn’t use Negan in the context of my “father” because I like Negan in a way and speaking of things I believe in; the Dead, Walkers, Zombies, the virus known as Solanum. It’s out there in development by someone or something. It wouldn’t surprise me if we had The Happening, hopefully, better made and I do believe in aliens, “Indiana Gone” told me once that Earth is the planet aliens ride by with their windows up, perhaps there’s a Covenant, watching us right now. I’ve spoken a bit about watching Far Cry 5 playthroughs. Lately, The Project At Eden’s Gate, hell Lady Luna compare that to the world we see daily, the great collapse.

Now that is the question, how does one lose faith and that is something I can answer, WHY; when I was in the A.M.E. church I began asking why and aren’t I always saying it’s the questions without answers that get you. Why are you here, when your parents don’t want you, when everybody sees you as less than a person, and when you don’t want to get out of bed in the morning no wonder people believe that there is something out there bigger.

I didn’t mean to get so dark, but there are things I wish I could believe in, I believed in Santa until I was ahem nine and then I was terrible for taking that lie away from my sister; what about God… now that’s a big subject. There’s also B III, I believe, he’ll be with me until every one of his hairs turn grey, he’ll grow a beard and I’ll be explaining to a little girl and a little boy why their big brother, my little boy, and best friend won’t come home and then my wife will find me broken. My point is everything has us looking down, we all know we’re going to die and if you want to be up, to look up, pick up your feet, see that man in the mirror, lift that pen, punch those keys, please read that story and edit Will.

For now, if you asked for my gospel Lady Lu, I am a follower of “THEY,” what did they say, mean, and do, will THEY send me to Heaven or Hell, will I want to look at the sky or lay down and die, who will THEY be tomorrow but me… Ye Of Little Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Merry Christmas that is if Santa finds his way in, does he work for Amazon, is he delivering a pizza, sure he’s magic right, though it hasn’t hit me on today of all days, where once was the faith of a child is now this. With A Little Faith Maybe

Monday, December 24, 2018

Episode 176 ~With A Little Faith Maybe~

Sixty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, wasn’t it only yesterday I mentioned the Prosperity Ministry, how about finally publishing a book, and thinking about today I could create a holiday or merely exploit one. Before I forget, because I surely will, it’s Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow… ah Christmas, talk about having faith when I was a child, I believed in a fat man with presents, that is until I thought my parents wouldn’t know I played with my Nintendo 64 and put it back in the box and I knew I wouldn’t feel like this, no I loved Christmas.

Notice that I said I loved Christmas, I never loved Jesus or God, even when I worked for that Christian bookstore and had my “incredible” religious phase, the “Left Behind” series, hell Madam Justice all my work in Erotica has undertones of Christianity. Once upon a time I believed we would have flying cars by now and all sorts of technology… well greater I suppose but then I look at people, I look at myself. As far as Christmas goes, I want to have faith that I’ll get everything I want tonight, a clean house; I need to talk to you and the Future Wife, and tomorrow… well, that explains why I feel sick, why I’m afraid gasps new people.

Is that my problem with the holidays, with almost every single one, with a little faith maybe we are meant to be new people, Christmas we’re supposed to become Santa, New Year’s we have a chance at a clean slate, Valentine’s, etc. Every morning I wake up wanting to be someone better I know that but according to one of my Motivations, faith without work is dead, but you need that belief to get started idea vs. execution. I have thoughts, wishes, and hopes but they all get jumbled around until it’s a mess of grey and that is the road I tread right now.

Madam Justice I am far from believing in Santa on his sleigh in the skies above, I don’t think I’m walking in the sand with Jesus and do we need to talk about my swimming aversion, wisdom, and success as much as you want air… I believe that we are never alone in this vastness, that at this moment there is some killer virus waiting to get out, how about that The Purge can happen and we may face a zombie apocalypse, so why not look to me to live; Merry Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas, With A Little Faith Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

Magic, Day Job, Al Bundy, Fear, Words, Humanity, Desperation, Friendship, Vices, Faith, Therapy, Lesson, Journal, Lady Lu, Will Bradford Jr.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, if this was Hell and you were a goddess I would say no… do you see what happens when you get the answers you seek, and though this isn’t Hell per se and I like to think of you as only a girl, you’re getting pretty close. Two more worries but maybe that’s the wrong word, the right one as always is Fear and Lady Luna I am afraid of what’s next.

With everything that has happened this week the fact that I have lost my faith in magic should “worry” me more or at least I thought I had until last night, I made not have faith in God but how often have I found a friend in Satan. I said to “Okay” if I could know anything it would be the time of my death and even now that seems considerably better than what I do know; “Cherry” did a Tarot Reading and said that a change was coming in my job. A horrible shift though she didn’t know all that and I already feel stupid for how I’m taking this, but I am idiotic regardless, come not this week but the next, I’m Al Bundy, I’m Alone With Doggie.

Two full days of working in the Shoe Department, now my anxiety nearly got the best of me and like when Negan was hiding from the dead I almost “rubbed one out” so I could calm down. Sex or masturbation always helps me sleep, mindless violence revs me up, drugs can keep me grounded, and pain; I’m no cutter, but actual kicking and punching inanimate objects brings me focus. There’s also the idea of burying this great fear under an avalanche of worry, all the work that I need to do, losing another friend on Facebook, I don’t think “Psychopath’s Prey” is helping with that and what about that photo of “Eileen Kelly” almost like finding “Little Lupe” once again.

If I had never got that Tarot Reading what would I think today, would I blame my stupidity in making my schedule, perhaps I have some enemy I don’t know about, you know I have to protect my “Energy” or is it my time for this shit? Talk about motivation, because other than my dog sadly I think I’ve had a somewhat decent week but today I have to “Hold On,” A Black Magic Worry.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 311 ~Want It That Way~

How many ways can someone say those “three little words,” and in how many different ways, so many others seem so much better at it, and when it comes from me, it’s me saying it but can I be more? Want It That Way, if I could?

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Lesson 311 ~Want It That Way~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, as if you ever stopped or would, and “I Swear” and not “By the moon and the stars in the skies” or shall I quote the bard:

“O, swear not by the moon, the’ inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circle orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.” William Shakespeare

My love threatens to consume me, to hold me to this place that is by your side and yet grows to everlasting and so I’m always searching, reaching, and chasing after you, “Hanging By A Moment” okay, and now I will put down my phone.

To think I would have you love the world before me or if I loved myself the way you love me, I’ve become a broken record, a remix, it might be downright theft, but it only reminds me of the day we first met. The man I was before then became lost to better words, ideas, images, not that I could ever lie to you, no I wanted the distance, not that I feared you either, so was it the chase? Here I thought I was the one to do that and maybe that’s why only now I’m starting to catch up because I wasn’t running towards you, I was running away, waiting until I was sure; takes a lot.

“I just, I know we don’t know each other all that well or anything.
But circumstances are making it, so we’re all getting kind of close in here.
You know? So don’t let me run, OK?”

“OK” ― Containment 1×04

Seems dumb I know so far into marriage, how long has it been, how many kids, my dog getting old in the tooth but what am I not sure of after all this time. What reason do I have to doubt the woman who has stood beside me, shares my bed, and who has given love meaning? How can I challenge the man I am today that’s somehow managed to accomplish this, to live “The Impossible Dream” to be more than an “Escape” … see I’m still copying what am I trying to say in my words, my dearest love?

I love you… I can say that forever, and a day only I always want more, if I were a man of faith, I would say I’m reaching out to God to thank him for you, but I would go to Hell happily “For The Love Of You,” “My Goddess.” Yes take my hands in yours, make me forget to think of anything or anyone but you and I here and this will be enough, my gift, the man that disappeared so many years ago, his story every last word; you’re making it all possible.

So before I break into the Backstreet Boys, Sam Smith, or croon “Let My Baby Stay” speaking only as your husband, your love, take all the time you need to love me now, then, and in the future and know I Want It That Way.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 304 ~Can’t Buy Me, Love~

Maybe I shouldn’t work so hard after all I have all I need. Only you’re a gift and why do I continue to try to wrap you up, I’m not “Cyrano de Bergerac,” not anymore. What about a library, I can love books and you. “Can’t Buy Me, Love”

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Lesson 304 ~Can’t Buy Me, Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today; I’m a traditionalist, I’m classic, flowers and candy, oaths of love and sometimes I regret there are no dragons to fight… not a Game of Thrones fan but we can sit here and watch The Walking Dead or Into The Badlands. How much is it I wonder to get into Walker Stalker or to buy costumes, I mean real outfits and not what’s already in the closet.

Now allow me to sound cliché when you ask me what I want, and I answer “All I Want Is You, ask me what I need and “All You Need Is Love” but you want to know really, you roll your eyes at me which brings out my Christian Grey. No not his budget which never mattered to you, but what do women want, and I would say everything, and in one way this fits us perfectly. You may not want it or need it and my dear I already have it in you but can you knock me for trying, blame the knights of old, those princes in the fairytales, or blame Tony Montana.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” ― Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

Every day I ask how I got so lucky that I met a woman that appreciates terrific cinema, and classic ideas, not conservative as we have so much love to give and maybe that’s why I feel this need to have more. “Baby, I’m Yours,” and you’re mine but am I so hungry, so selfish for you that I need to hoard every one of your smiles. Every idea, your eyes in the mirror, because it gives me a reason to smile, another beat of my heart when it’s not skipping, every breath in this body. A guy could save the world just for the honor, the pleasure of being right here with you, and still, I would give you the stars if they weren’t in your eyes. The moon if you weren’t so high above me, and the planets, well I already have Venus my goddess of love Aphrodite.

Would you stop me from building you a library, from turning our home into a garden, how about having a house at all, a castle, a vault, somewhere to keep “my favorite, favorite thing” your heart? I must be on my way to Hell with how I want to long for you, my greed for you, wanting to lie here with you and never leave. How I’m so proud to call you mine, how envious that I want the world to know you and then no, not to mention a ton of other sins and maybe that’s why I don’t get religion, speaking of blasphemy…

Why would I await treasure in Heaven, I found you angel, and that’s enough, no one else, not even God itself gets me, you love are priceless and timeless to me, Can’t Buy Me, Love.

I Will Have No Fear