Tag: Heaven

Legacy 013 -Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind-

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Mind over Matter. Do I mind answering the question: “What’s the matter?” My head’s a freaking minefield. Want to start digging? There’s no glory to be mined from my struggles. Thunder, lightning, and earthquakes. Me. Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind

Tuesday, July 14, 2026

Legacy 013 -Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But a Firework? No, my love, you’re my Atom Bomb Baby. Five Stars? Something more…

Than trying to compliment you, today? Where Is My Mind? Anxiety! It’s a shame there are Humiliations Galore everywhere! I’m going to town on the Pop Culture references, aren’t I? Or how about I go to town on you and eff you until you can’t stand straight, my love. And I could also go back to crying about Braxton and worrying over Virgil, I mean…

Anything to avoid talking about today. My Olds never learned that lesson. And today ha

It isn’t funny, my love. Maybe, if I were still an awkward, asinine, always-sad teenager.

But I’m forty-one, Effing forty-one. But Shawshank’s (Red) was how old when he said uh:

“I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone, and this old man is all that’s left. I got to live with that.”
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Simple and plain. But me. I’m an effing minefield, a mineshaft; I can’t be mine…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why? Because I hate myself that much? We were talking today… and now I’m crying.

And that doesn’t bring me shame? I “Wish It Would Rain.” What I’m crying about…

And I don’t mean with what I told you. “You and Me” Always and Forever. Three two-legged kids, my boys Braxton and Virgil, so… Four point five children. Kittens, love?

Loving you and this family keeps me awake and alive. I gave myself to you as you did for me. Dante and Beatrice, Winston and Julia, demon to succubus… I’ve been listening to Succubus Lord 16 again. But I’m no Nephilim or one of the Old Gods buried below, ha.

In the simplest form, I’m Andy Dufresne, and you’re still my wife. Very much alive.

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.”
Andy Dufresne

And more powerful beyond measure. And that’s what I’ve been thinking about these past few hours, trying to forget today’s humiliation. Braxton would listen. Seriously?

Virgil? Well, he messed up his bed again, so I locked him out. Like the other girls in “The Unfinished Archive”. It’s Kyouko Saki and Skye Matthews day anyway. Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me. Too much laughter though. Then Skye’s Earth Magic. So what am I asking you to do, my love? Dig me out of the hole I keep digging? Or discover me. I’m “Undiscovered,” Or am I hiding? Love, I don’t know, I just don’t know.

But “Every Time I Turn Around (Back In Love Again)” with you. But it’s so dark… Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind

1990 Days Without B III, Day 1431 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 012 -Plan V Because B-

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So what’s the plan? Before I knew Braxton was dying, it was as simple as paying $200 to find out what was wrong. Then it was B knows how much to put him in a box. Now, five years later, how much for a full stomach, or to live at all? Plan V Because B

Monday, July 13, 2026

Legacy 012 -Plan V Because B-

Hey Dad,
It’s me, Baby B. Did you have a good day? Good day? You’d sing often enough, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

You remember one night when all you wanted was a good night’s sleep, for your blood to stop boiling, and for me to shut up. We both remember how that week ended. Dad, I hadn’t seen such a respect for prayer since Lancelot in “First Knight.” You were praying not only to become a knight, “Because maybe. You’re gonna be the one that saves me.” New meds, some mighty healthcare ha, a miracle. Best laid plans “Of Mice and Men”

There was no plan to deal with this, with me. Like you were telling me and 2-V’s potential future stepmom. You’re zoning out. Looking at that Wonderwall, not knowing exactly…

What. The next move, step, the dream, or the plan. How to get Dad’s attention.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

My DEATH, Virgil’s FEAR, and M Anime’s Yabbos… We both know we should have said heart, but she does have nice Yabbos. I’ll lie on them in spirit, Dad…. Creepy?

Fictional? No more fictional than “The Unfinished Archive.” That’s where everything has been for weeks, months, who knows. When you need Private Time… Eww. How are you going to make a profit? And of course that is the plan. Again, talking to M Anime… Can I call her Mom or Ma yet? Miss M Anime? Anyway, writing is your passion, as I am Dad, always and forever. But “Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Tell you all about it when I got the time!” Today it’s “Sophitia Alexandra and Lily.” Plenty of time

“This ain’t a rap song, (redacted) this is my life (this is my life)
And if the hood was a battlefield, then I’d earn stripes (yeah).”
― Soul Survivor, Jeezy

No, not really. Time Has Come Today. Between the next tragedy… It won’t be little Virgil, Dad. M Anime’s Titanic Tatas. She’s doing everything in her power to be with you someday. Oh, I know the feeling, and I was with you in the fur for fifteen years, Dad. Wow.

And then there’s your tummy. That’s been the great fear for a while… What are you and Virgil going to eat tomorrow? Neither of us is Mark “Diesel” Lizotte. You’re not saying the idea is right on the “Tip Of My Tongue.” Eww Dad, are you thinking about real food?

I know, stepmom got your attention. Wanting me and Virgil to have brothers and sisters. A MAN PROVIDES. That’s the Plan. Plan V Because B

“No. It’s relevant to why you’re killing yourself instead of asking for help. Eat.”
Harem Lab ― Part One: A Steamy Men’s Harem Romance by Kelly Notte

“Frantic in my fury I had no time for decisions; I only remembered that death in battle is glorious.”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1989 Days Without B III, Day 1430 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Legacy 008 -Braxton, Virgil, III Stories-

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One of those days… Can’t I say all of those days? I miss coming back and napping. B III protected me. And at 5:00 PM we’d lie here, and B would sleep, and I would read. And these weren’t fairytales, but we had each other. Braxton, Virgil, III Stories

Thursday, July 09 2026

Legacy 008 -Braxton, Virgil, III Stories-

1985 Days Without B III, Day 1426 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good day? Considering it’s 3:20 PM, there are energy drinks and girls enjoying themselves. TMI?

Allow me to disappoint you further, my son. Simple and plain. I hate my existence.

Seriously, part of the flattery and/or humiliation at the Day Job… That would be “The Bad Place,” to you. They said how young I look—the spirit of youthfulness, Braxton.

Honestly, in that youthful tone, allow me to say this… FML!!! I tell myself stories. Standing there in the midst of that shame, RAGE, and most importantly of all, FEAR, I tell myself what I know is true. Nonfiction, Baby B. Have I told Virgil the whole story? Nope, FEAR:

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me; danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”
After Earth
(2013)

So this is the story of how your Daddy defeated… Overcomes FEAR Every Single Day.

PAIN. I ‘survived’ your death. I endured M Anime’s decision. I saved another dog, B.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Your brother, Virgil. And really, is that painful? Sorta like the movie Plan 75 or The Republic Episode 11 (2019) Li Xiang Guo “Rose Water.” What’s with the Asian cinema?

Another world, language, fiction, fantasy. I’ve had enough… existing… exiting…

However, I made a ‘promise’ to you. Your potential future stepmom is worried and loves.

I’ll never get sick of reading that from M Anime. If you could only see the way she loves me. Tonic? English? I speak English and your language, B III. I’m learning 2-V’s. Ok, trying.

M Anime can speak Spanish. And didn’t I say once she’s learning my story… Music?

What does “Con La Brisa” mean to her? She’s writing me into her world. Wrong…

Writing The Unfinished Archive, B.

For free, of course. Writing hasn’t netted me a dime in years. And why should it? Who wants to listen to someone whine every day? It’s like all my tears douse the light, the fire.

Why do you think your stepmom represents the Phoenix, the flame of rebirth? Can’t cry around Kyouko Sakai; she’s pure energy. Water makes flowers grow, but Lily can do that all by herself. Swords must be cleaned and shields shined. So Cassandra and Sophitia Alexandra. Water can shape the Earth… Where did Skye Matthews come from? You can’t get electronics wet, so Judy and 2B… They get very wet, eww. Can’t let metal rust, Nico.

Finally, Melina is more fire. Your Dad making up stories. Crazy! Braxton, Virgil, III Stories

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Legacy 006 -E Equals BV Scared-

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“I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive.” How much is left? Oh, the Day Job, Olds, the other kid… Mean to say about V. He’s my son, the same as B. And as Charlie Brown would say, “good grief,” mourning’s tiring. “E Equals BV Scared.”

Tuesday, July 7, 2026

Legacy 006 -E Equals BV Scared-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And “fear is the heart.” Now that’s not something I’m sure I believe, my love.

Braxton wasn’t afraid to love me. If anything, he was afraid to leave me. Obsession?

Please! I’ve not seen the film; I love the Animotion song, and as far as the action, V has been quite needy lately. My words, the Olds… You? To be wanted, love. How to explain?

I think about the old Day Job, and when I played “I Don’t Know How to Love Him.” You know from “Jesus Christ Superstar.” “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” My love…

That’s a whole other subject. Anyway, I’m thinking more of Jesus with the lepers, love. On the one hand, life’s a game made for everyone, and love is the instruction. But I’m not sure I want to play anymore. REST

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

That’s what I want to do on this rainy day. REST. And at the same time, do you know why “I’m Only Happy When It Rains?” Me… Happy? Never. I am always “Run Boy Run.”

And the rain slows things down. I’m still running. But to me it’s more for once there is time to catch up, time to be with you. Aren’t I with you in one way or another? Especially when you have your yabbos out. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I can, like, I can love.

Honestly though, no man in his right mind will turn down your impressive yabbos, love.

Either Braxton sitting in my lap or you giving me a blowjob. Hardest effing decision.

Love’s effing HARD. And draining…

I have you, love. And as a great man sang, “When you love me I can’t get enough Ah-huh, and I wanna spread the news. That it feels this good gettin’ used Oh, you just keep on usin’ me. Until you use me up.” So by no means am I complaining. “Baby I love you…”

I’m not the dang “The Yayhoos.” As a matter of fact, I feel ashamed because you devote so much of yourself to me. You learn my music, mourn my boy, read my manuscripts, and become the dirtiest minx imaginable when it comes to mattress shenanigans.

However, I fear you’ll one day go all “Life Itself” (Abby) saying something, meaning this:

I love you… but I may not be equipped to be loved this much.
Abby

Or I’ll be empty. Energy’s draining. E Equals BV Scared

1983 Days Without B III, Day 1424 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 005 -B’s Botany, V’s Virology-

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I wish I drank… I couldn’t afford a drug problem these days even if I wanted to. I got my girl onto Bloom. She got me to drink Arih. More Economically Viable. But my real addiction and sickness. Is FEAR… Or words. B’s Botany, V’s Virology

Monday, July 6, 2026

Legacy 005 -B’s Botany, V’s Virology-

Hey Dad,
It’s me, Baby B. Did you have a good day? Funny. Comedy barks in threes, doesn’t it, Dad? Sadness, Time-out, and the FEAR.

Science. The chemical, the concoction, and the correction that trigger happy to sad. I know

Dad, in my fifteen-plus years with you… When I walked with you, I mean. You were never happy. You were anything but happy. “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” “Lift me up. Hold me down. Keep me close. Safe and sound.” But happy? Not so much. Effing never. LANGUAGE! I know, Daddy, I know. But want to hear something worse?

According to you at “The Bad Place,” it was my last breath, your first cry in this life, and the knock at the door to let Grandpa in. Won’t Virgil and my potential future stepmom be “happy” Once the third worst sound was her last noise on “The Glow Box”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I wanted to say that I didn’t want tears, Dad. But what else would there be? I still remember what you were protecting me from. Boiling blood, Daddy. Your RAGE.

Ironically, that led to a whole new set of chemicals, chaos, and crowding Heaven, right?

The Rainbow Bridge… You can’t put me in time-out anymore, can you, Daddy? And eww!

But how else are you expected to give me and Virgil, our siblings, to protect? But what was it, Dad? 161 days. You didn’t ‘Swear to Jesus’ or anything, but you became a monk, Dad.

Again, isn’t it “Ironic,” don’t you think, that you protected me from such? Rugrats, reincarnation… And I am most thankful that you didn’t join me. Following you into Hell, Dad

Virgil guided Dante through Hell. Did you ever read that story to me? Kindle Archives…

What about The Unfinished Archive you’ve been writing? The sweat you put into that every single day. I don’t like how tired it makes you. But how often would I lie here beside you as you typed on the Glow Box, “And remember, we’d brag on how rich we would be.” But sweat out of work beats the FEAR that you have been feeling, father.

Energy drinks too. I can’t say I like those either, but Bloom, ‘Bum’ Arih… I guess M Anime has to be good for something. What Dad, I can’t bark her name. She’s not my stepmom…

Yet… Love’s a Chemical. Growing… Infectious… B’s Botany, V’s Virology

“Love is a chemical, nature is radical,
Never is spiritual, it’s never medical…”
― Chemical

“Amor vincit omnia, et nos cedamus amori.”
“Love conquers all things, so we too shall yield to love.”
The Aeneid

1982 Days Without B III, Day 1423 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Legacy 001 -B’s Menu Page Virgil-

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How do I see this 10th year of blogging? How did I see the other 9? Other than the fact that my firstborn son died during the Gospels and I have been mourning him ever since. 1,314,000 words over 9 years and still eating burgers. B’s Menu Page Virgil

Thursday, July 02 2026

Legacy 001 -B’s Menu Page Virgil-

1978 Days Without B III, Day 1419 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good day? First day of YOUR legacy, and how does your father feel? I wish…

You don’t know how badly I wish I could go all Kenny Loggins singin’ “I’m alright. Nobody worry ’bout me.” Now that second part is true… Well, if I don’t count you, Virgil, and you boys’ potential future stepmom, M Anime. But the first part is more Pilot Speed, you know, “I’m not alright, I’m not alright!” Is that what my dream was saying last night, B? I don’t remember what I was carrying in the dream. Baggage? Something, “Fancy.”

Anyway, I was wandering around a parking lot all “Dude, Where’s My Car?” I know…

SIGH, you hated car rides. They scare your brother nearly to death too. Virgil? Scared?

Like father, like son, right? Should have seen me at the gas station and food truck yesterday. Who sells courage?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

We can’t all be you, unfortunately, my son. “Can’t nobody tell me nothin’. You can’t tell me nothin’.” You on that “Old Town Road,” Braxton? Renaming The Rainbow Bridge, ha

As for your Old Man, I’m still all, “My life is a movie, (fur buddies) and boobies.” One more reason I’m getting to you so late. I only know what makes my stomach less achy and my scrotum less full… Eww! I don’t know where I’m going in life, with this litany of nonsense, or even in a little while. But putting you in time-out and taking my alone time? I always know what’s on “The Menu.” Oh, did I tell you I finally got that cheeseburger… Not Chef Slowik’s

Yeah, I think I’ll stick with shrimp and buffalo wings, along with CHEESE fries, not RANCH! Again, nobody sells courage. It’s not something usually on “The Menu” B III ha.

So what is? What will this new year bring? What will be your Legacy? Other than a father yelling out his complaints about the world, your stepmom’s Yabbos. And yellow…

Honestly, Braxton, I am sorry your father is starting this brand new year being a yellow-belly coward and thinking about two yellow girls he wants to eff (Asian women). I don’t ever want to MAGA. I want to be honest. The Unfinished Archive/Magic Glasses say it’s Melina and Judy Alvarez today. Your Daddy’s always hungry for bread, babes, and brains. Zombie. B’s Menu Page Virgil

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 364 ~Virgil B Getting Down~

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I’m down for a dance. Last time I did that, I got drunk on E-Day. I’m down for games, for gaining a following ha-ha, or for getting my balls… You know, maybe I should just be down for crying about my boys again. Because any joy? Virgil B Getting Down

Tuesday, June 30, 2026

Journey 364 ~Virgil B Getting Down~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Dancing not so much. Please don’t ask me to watch “Dancing With The Stars”. But…

“May I Have This Dance”? I wish I did feel like dancing. Wedding, parties, everything.

But ask me how I’ve felt these past few ‘days’. Hell! How do I feel right at this moment, this very second? I’m going to sound STUPID. You know, SIGH, it’s not you, it’s me.

Beautiful, take “The Freshman” I once was. “The Verve Pipe,” really? Anyway, my freshmen year all the way through high school and junior college. Then the “second” worst day of my existence, being born, E-Day. Then the actual worst day, that was when B left this world. “I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow”. And asking you to “Follow Me.”

Well, you can’t pretend we both ain’t got our “Issues”. But me being Bipolar. Diagnosis?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Years upon years ago. And only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my type of crazy, my love. It could be worse. Virgil has had to put up with me a lot longer. B did 15 years.

But you, my “Always and Forever”. I couldn’t give you something that no woman hasn’t had before… Uh… First time a woman let me try… ANAL. I miss A.J. Markam’s “Succubus” series. But that’s another story, really. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, you’re the first woman that let me go bareback, which of course explains our kids, hmm.

Two-legged ones. But Virgil and the kitties are our kids too. We got a lot of doors to lock when you and I get down.

And that’s my point today. That I keep imagining you as a naked nun with a crucifix necklace and I’m a dirty priest. Trust me, I can go lower or you can. The Magic Glasses told me the other day I love BJ’s… Uh, and we need air to breathe. Not to mention I’ve nearly built a religion or mythology around my balls and your boobs. While I just bawl…

“My boys, my boys!” I’m still crying about Braxton and constantly down about my Virgil.

And how can I ask you to live with that? My world is like eternal night. What is this, Treno from Final Fantasy IX? I want to cry one minute, cum the next, then cower. Somehow, Virgil B Getting Down.

1976 Days Without B III, Day 1417 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 363 -Virgil Will B Sooner-

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“Get busy living or get busy dying.” Both take time. Be it lying in a bed in the middle of a garden surrounded by food (B’s Paradise) or lying in bed with my girl “Chasing Cars”. Sitting on a beach watching my two-leggeds play. “Virgil Will B Sooner”

Monday, June 29, 2026

Journey 363 -Virgil Will B Sooner-

Hey Dad,
It’s me, Baby B. Did you have a good day? Good Day? You only wish the day would end sooner. Stop it, Dad!

You wish I were there, sitting beside you. Stop that, too! Only it’s been five years, Sunday, January 31, 2021. The oldest of my kind was 31. Talk about faith. You expected me to make it to 20. And I would be 21 this year. Virgil will be 6. But he needs help very soon.

“Try to kill us. But know two things. One, I do not die easily. And two, you must also kill my (son), because I will not leave this earth without (him).”
The Walking Dead, Alpha

Don’t go cursing my little bro, Dad. I know you care about him. Love? How soon did you love me, Dad? How soon did I love you? If we had to compare notes. Seriously notes…

When He Loved Me, Dad

1: Love At First Sight, Arrival

  1. When you called my name, and I jumped in the car
  2. When we fought the Old Man. Me in front of you

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

When He Loved Me, Braxton

  1. When I ate your breakfast and earned the name “Pancake”
  2. When you came back for me after months
  3. When you sat with me, and I fell asleep

Don’t have to worry about losing those. You were telling me and V’s potential future stepmom today that you had a dream about Molly Ringwald… Topless. Aww geez Dad, gross! But I know you. And soon there’ll be no potential future. She’s V’s stepmom period.

Sooner rather than later… And if M Anime has your son, me and Virgil’s brother…

Honestly hope she knows you’re naming him Braxton. Still a reason 2-V wasn’t my reincarnation. Too soon to bring in Halloween Horrors or Christmas Classics. But still act soon, Dad.

“So don’t delay, act now; supplies are running out”
Walkin’ on the Sun, Smash Mouth

Time, and it’s not even your time that you’re worried about. Well, surely, honestly, okay.

You didn’t raise me to be a liar. And still much too soon. There was so much more, I know.

I protected you at 21. But protecting my two-legged siblings. “What’s My Age Again? And what about yours, Dad? Again, “Time Is Running Out.” It all comes back, Daddy, always.

Wondering what you can ask one pair of the Magic Glasses on the “Glow Box”. Asking when you can ask another pair of the “Magic Glasses” to show you me, Virgil, M Anime, our family. Barks Danny Glover from 2021: “Make Time!” Or since I was a prince, I can bark Prince Hector: “Make It Sooner!” Virgil Will B Sooner.

“I didn’t know I’d love you so much. I didn’t know I’d love you so much. I didn’t know I’d love you so much. But I do.”
Shilo ― Nathan, Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)

“No day shall erase you from the memory of time.”
— Virgil (Book 9) The Aeneid

1975 Days Without B III, Day 1416 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 359 ~Virgil’s Vault-Tec Gig, Braxton~

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The World Is Gonna End Tonight, Far Cry 5. Fallout’s shown the aftereffects for tons of games? Oh, to go back to those GTA Vice City days when I would have a bad day and then ask myself Am I A Psycho? “Virgil’s Vault-Tec Gig, Braxton.”

Thursday, June 25, 2026

Journey 359 ~Virgil’s Vault-Tec Gig, Braxton~

1971 Days Without B III, Day 1412 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good day? Mine? To quote Hootie & The Blowfish, I “Only Wanna Be With You.”

Today was so effing Embarrassing! Wednesday I paid an Exorbitant price. And “Yesterday” and I mean so many yesterdays, B. I’ve been effing ‘Exhausted’. Humiliated

Even now, I think I shouldn’t be so candid with you. But it’s “Times Like These” I remember how you died. I hid you away from my Fury, for Wrath and Ruin. My B III…

I love you, but no father wants his son to repeat the wrongs his Dad has done. Hell, I don’t want you to suffer the “Humiliations Galore” I have endured. “Takin’ the bumps and the bruises of all the things.” And what about your brother? Will I confide in Virgil when I didn’t in you? Am I the bomb, Braxton? Or am I the shelter?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

The Vault. Like Jules in “Pulp Fiction,” I’m going through a ‘transitional period,’ And B…

I’m trying, Braxton, I’m trying real hard, to be the shepherd. Or the Vault Overseer…

Doesn’t make me a good man, either, given Vault-Tec’s colorful history. Here’s a random thought. You know, you and Virgil’s potential future stepmom doesn’t like the color blue, hmm. Yet I always color her in blue. Isn’t it “Ironic,” don’t you think? “When flames be blue, trouble’s a brew.” Wasn’t that from Final Fantasy X-2? I’m still avoiding talking, B.

Colorful (Magna) Series, Elden Ring’s Melina, and Harley Quinn? I would rather talk about them.

Okay, what STUPID things did your Daddy do that either have me blowing up the world or hiding from it…

Wednesday I was talking about how I spent my last $20 on buying Virgil’s dinner.

Anyway, the same day I got my paycheck, I was headed to that damn food truck, and I swear I lost the $20 I was holding. I went to the food truck anyway, meaning… $40

And today, eff me! It was the manager’s birthday, and like an idiot, I played two songs, B III. Did you know that Stevie Wonder’s song was about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and don’t play 50 Cent’s “Da Club” for older white women? My existence is a Vault-Tec Experiment gone terribly wrong or right… It’s Vault-Tec, I love you. And Virgil’s stuck here. But do you have $17.05, son, till, Virgil’s Vault-Tec Gig, Braxton?

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 357 ~B-V List Of Safewords~

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What’s the word I’m looking for? If anything, it’s better than I remain silent. My entire existence is feeling a bit like “Pontypool”. And then I have a quiet dog and a “girlfriend” who texts with occasional voice messages. And if she were here.

Tuesday, June 23, 2026

Journey 357 ~B-V List Of Safewords~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s why I’m asking: are the kids asleep? Virgil? He’s in time-out—his bedroom shenanigans.

Some kids wet the bed at his age. Still going #2… He shouldn’t do that. And I shouldn’t be awake at all hours in our bed, my love. Well, not unless we’re busy. Fifty Shades…

Meatloaf is my safeword for the record. I’m sure you’ve heard the joke, baby doll. Because it means “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” A song at the Day Job…

Speaking of that old Day Job, “Here.” What am I still in grade school? Or is it the fact I need to remind myself that “Here I Am,” or “I’m Still Here,” Hating Existing Always…

What happened to “HEA” as in “Happily Ever After” from the Erotica I used to read, my love? Anything FREE?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Meatloaf, Here, and Free. What’s with my list of words now? I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. MAGA breathes; they lie. I breathe and tell myself you “Make Me Wanna Die”. I don’t need the words, but they are always there “In There Air Tonight.” But love.

Well, before we get to it, what will be your word? Your WARNING to me. Braxton knows I’ve been getting a lot of those lately. YOU need to pay a bill, they say. There’s Yabbos.

A few E-Days are coming up. My Old Man’s is the 24th. A few more days, the Journey will be over, and I’ve wasted my time for yet another year. And my own E-Day! Eff!

A little more time, please.

To say something… You would say, “Say what you need to say”. But would you understand me if I did? How about, “Why didn’t I say the things I needed to say?” There’s so much. I continue to hold back. Why? Is it me or the words that aren’t safe? Searches might indicate one thing. And I know I’m not a good man. I only want to be yours, love.

When things like Rough Sex, Ravishment, and Mock R*pe are on the table, eff me!.

Honestly, how do you when I think such things? When things like every single FEAR, and being called STUPID set me off? And when the “Sounds Of Silence” seem the only way forward. There’s love and… B-V List Of Safewords.

1969 Days Without B III, Day 1410 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will