Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

I was never able to read Lord of the Files. There was this book, The Moonstone, that bored me to tears. I’ve only ever finished two books in the bible, John and Revelation. And now I can’t read my own future out of fear. “Will’s Yearly Eye Exam”

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford the best of the best. Yet every day, as the song goes, “I’m So Thankful,” that love is a gift and not a prize. That’s especially true these days, as I look at you. I’ve never been one to worry about my health, you know, except for my eyesight, best feature. A yearly exam usually around August, but in the plague era, it was November. The things I’ve seen. That I’ve yet to see, that I shouldn’t have ever. But with you, my Dæmon, our other children. Again I’m forever grateful.

Even if it’s through my glasses. To think of what scares me now, I mean right now. It reminds me a bit of William and Jocelyn. He speaks to her as though she had died. I live by the words of yet another song. “It’s better to say too much. Than never to say what you need to say again.” One more reason I’m not as “witty” as I would like to be. “Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess that’s why they call it window pane.” The idea that I don’t want to get contacts, or I might never look outside my Study window again. Hell, I was out yesterday (Thursday, it’s now Friday), and I saw the cops. Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for now. Not admiring my first road trip to my friend’s wedding. The time I welcomed another friend. Our first family trip to Disney World… TRADITION!!!

I’m even scrapping some of my rules I usually keep because my eyes are tired. Only you need not worry. “I won’t go getting tired of you; I’m not getting tired.” I think I love my wife. No, I love my wife. I’ll always love you, and please, I’m trying not to break out into Whitney Houston. I don’t need to be thinking of the term “breakout” either, but if I had a million dollars. Well, I have over a billion, and I still have you, my family, everything in the world. But I’m always worried about leaving you, and not to death, a dream, some desire in the future. Here I am talking about it, though, because should Tuesday come, I want to spend all my time loving you.

Seeing you always, Only You, please. Will’s Yearly Eye Exam.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 202 ~Sell You On Will~

I always say that I’m an open book. Some books aren’t meant to be open, some things, I don’t know what, but you can’t ask people to stay afterward. For now, I’m free, and yet here I am. “Sell You On Will.”

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Gospel 202 ~Sell You On Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m not in my nineties, and you’re much more than a P.Y.T. I take it. As a ton of songs goes, “You’re Beautiful.” Only today, I want to focus more on “that’s what makes you beautiful.” I CAN put my finger on it, My Love. However, as always, I tend to make everything about me. Hell, what keeps me sane half the time is “Your Eyes.” Will, I ever quit with the songs? If you help me forget. My Love today, hell this whole week, who knows but, I’m SCARED.

The smartest woman I know, I’ve told you before. You’ve got to have an answer. Of course, some things shut my mind up completely. Hell, the day I don’t want you will be that—pure Hell. Only, for now, I’m not in the mood… ok, a lie, but my fear, baby girl, it’s not ok. Say something, only I’ll never give up on you. God knows I’m silent most days. Perfect for cops. If only I could go a few minutes without thinking something so heinous. I haven’t even been able to sleep. Um, one more reason this has been a day, and who knows. Might sheets be the answer? Not those kinds I mean writing, reading, editing. What I wouldn’t give right now to walk into the study and put everything to the page. To have it out there and you tell me that I’m a good man, I’m yours, now and always love.

Sold my soul to the Devil, I fear. Baby girl, you’re the one I saw first, and yet there are things I will never escape. One way or another, I convinced you of me. You were a dream, and everything I thought I needed you gave me. Love’s a gift, not a prize… Aloe Blacc. Stay is a powerful word, and my Dæmon never need ask, neither have our other children. You’re the only human who has ever asked that of me. Now I ask it of you. Stay With Me, no matter what. Yet I would understand if you didn’t. Always and forever, please. Strength is something no one thinks I have, and maybe they’re right. It’s why I ask you to lend me yours though I don’t deserve it. Again you give anyway.

Maybe I’m free. I hope to Sell You On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

THEY say love is an open door, and I’m an open book. But this afternoon, as I was dreaming my life away, I saw all my sins… well, no, a portion I like to think I’m more “imaginative,” and no woman would put up with that. “Nobody But Will’s Wife”

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be “the bad guy, duh.” But am I a great man, a good one, well I’m alright. You, My Love, damn if I was to scream out to the world, all that you mean to me, I better hire some more songwriters, ok. Everyone! Now I say scream because that’s what woke me up from today’s nap. I’m being a bit dramatic, but at first, I was afraid; I was petrified. Yes, another song, but I can’t shake the dream, and that’s where you come in. I want to be a man, but man’s not meant to be alone, somehow.

Nobody but my dog, my firstborn, my Dæmon, the little Imp puts up with me, sigh. Hell, he has as many “pet names” as you; more so. Anyway, I can tell him everything… well no. Like any of our two-legged kids, I keep things out of his eyesight. Does that make me weird? I’m awful. Nobody but my “dad” would say that. (Cough) bullshit, bullshit (cough) pardon my French. The thing is with him, yes, I keep secrets, but I’m wrong. It’s all on the grounds that I exist. If you wonder why I can be a black man in the USA with Republican leanings, it’s him, so you know Nobody, but my government is that bad, though. The last time I checked, my “father” is Democrat. Now, I’m a pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-sex worker, um, let me see. I’m for free healthcare, LGBTQ supporting, meat-eating, environmentalist. And yes, women’s rights.

Nobody but my mom, for the longest time, saw any goodness and me. However, that’s from a distance. I thought all women were like that, which leads me back to my nightmare. Every single secret, “All These Things That I’ve Done,” dreamed, discovered, dammed me. Nobody but you, Will’s wife, that’s not all you are. You’re the smartest woman I know, and what do I mean by that. Hell, I could go in every single direction. I hope you don’t mind me calling you beautiful, sexy, hot as Hell. I always believed the woman I chose, the woman who must also choose me, would be my muse. Only never involved in my business or before a camera’s lens. It’s not that I’m jealous. I watched my sins: your strength, love, baby girl. I’m not a thing like Jesus, heh, but seeing all I am and staying, Nobody But Will’s Wife.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

The world is noisy, and that’s why I love my Dæmon so much; he’s quiet. If he does get loud barking, it’s to help or be hardheaded, but he doesn’t bark to breathe. People spend time talking to acknowledge existence. With love? Such A Squeaky Will yep

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Containment. Am I already becoming so confusing at the start of this New Year? Do I mean the show, our home, how I live my life? All three? It’s why I don’t talk much. I’m a hard man to know. One for an epiphany? While I was Just Cruisin’ sometime last week, still angry at Serra Hyundai. Hell, we’re rich. Why am I even driving myself? Yes, I’m tempted to burst out into Cars by Gary Numan. Thanks for noticing. Only I’ve never been a car guy or a much for love type. The thing is Love’s Loud.

You remember that campaign “Love is Louder”? With all the noise in the world, I don’t ask for your love to compete. Okay, this brings me to my epiphany. Driving, I started thinking about when we began dating. I enjoy quiet movie nights, music, museums. Always I remain a hopeless romantic. Forever Hopelessly Devoted To You. A fool for the idea of Love At First Sight. I’m not one to kiss and tell. You know Saving All My Love for You. Geez, might as well create another playlist. Baby Girl, you make my heart sing. People talk too much, and when it came to us because Only God Knows Why, those three little words I Love You are wasted. Of the women I’ve known (GULP), I’ve only meant them four times. To my Mom, to a high school girl, a YouTube starlet, and to you.

Then I found out that love is louder. As I said to the women, I’ve known, but I tell my Dæmon I love him every day. I say it to all our kids. Me, a “Soccer Dad” well, maybe they’ll stick to quieter pursuits. Either way, I’m down. The pitter-patter of tiny feet all over. Those Saturdays, where we can lie together and listen to my “Nuclear” playlist. It seems more prudent than ever. Oh, and why did I have to soundproof our room again? Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do is all I’ll say. I’m trying to not make you get loud now. Then yeah, I always told myself I had to marry a woman that was a singer. A chef because kids are always spoiling appetites. The Dæmon is looking at his full bowl SIGH. But butterflies.

Telling you baby, I love you, Such A Squeaky Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

I have no clue what I would want once I found love, well to protect that love, of course, but once I have Jeff Bezos’s bank account and a woman to share it with, and 5.5 kids would I be HAPPY? A Happy New Will, can’t I just be happy now, a long story

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t make me a great man or a good one. Most days, I would settle for alright. Remind me, when I’m done with “Into The Badlands” to watch “Firefly” again if you got that reference. Today though, I’ve been thinking about “Equilibrium.” I mean, I hate fireworks, the Dæmon and I both. I don’t drink much; ask my BFF about that. Staying up till midnight is usual for me, so no coffee required, eww.

Complaining and lies are habits I should leave in 2020, right? There are fireworks between the two of us, ha-ha. When we take the kids, minus the Dæmon, to see them at Disney World (ahem) Tradition!!! That will be one of those times I’ll have to be just Dad, hmm? Maybe the two of us can dance beneath the sky to a little “Drunk On You,” which is all I’ll ever be. I think it’s rather strange that I want to be a stand-up guy, a superhero. Yeah, and a million other things, and yet I get weak in the knees, butterflies with you even now. Staying awake is no longer a problem when I’m living my dreams, you know. I also don’t intend on sleeping even after midnight, if you know what I’m saying. Yes, the kids are still around, so keeping it clean.

Anyway, you know how I am with being HAPPY, forever, and always. I’m glad, I’m satisfied, hell I even talked about being good. Geez, many years ago, it was always another day. One more year, one more day didn’t make a difference “Endure and Survive.” However, here we are at “The Closing of The Year.” Should I cool it with the music and movie musings? You tell me I better not, right? So how will I be a better man than the one that I am at the moment? I’m the man that is currently planning my first book of the new year. What will be my first song? Of course, there are some things I want to remain. Kissing You, not that I keep track, but there’s always room for one more kiss. A night in your arms. We’re counting how many kids already?

Looks like I’m entering the new year as confusing as ever, but happy is different. Happy is good, happy works okay, A Happy New Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 174 ~Oh, Christmas Tree Will…~

Another long nap, but you try listening to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You all day and not want to switch off for a few hours. Although if it made the family, I want someday happy… Oh, Christmas Tree Will…

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Gospel 174 ~Oh, Christmas Tree Will…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so yeah, I’m somewhat of a thief. Well, considering all the decorations on this house, how much do I give back? Yes, it’s almost Christmas, but it will take a little while longer to find the spirit of the holiday, I suppose. But I will, promise. You don’t know how many years it’s been. There were times, there wasn’t a tree to be seen in the house. A Charlie Brown Christmas, A Christmas Story, A Diva’s Christmas Carol. Some others were Christmas favorites. Still, I would be busy watching YouTube again.

I still enjoy reading Christmas stories. Some, of course, aren’t child friendly, not even to our dæmons. It’s a tradition I do want to keep alive with us, lying in bed with you. That’s after we invite the kids to watch Santa make his way with the online map, Tradition! Is hot chocolate a Christmas drink? I don’t know, but there is an art to it. Milk, the GOOD Chocolate mix, marshmallows, whip cream, the works. No chocolate chip candles. God bless my mom, but I don’t want the kids getting mad at grandma as I did as a kid. Maybe we’ll be invited to Christmas brunch. My Olds quit asking me when I wouldn’t leave my dæmon behind. Hell, there was a time I had to leave him for hours on end but never again with my new job.

A job that means I’ll have to learn how to trim a tree again. Multiple Trees if I have my way, and I’ll even leave my Gomez Addams persona at the door. “The scent of pine,” ha. I’ll have to learn some holiday movie quotes, but the kids want the tree first; I can’t wait. I want our power bills to be outrageous because of all the lights on the house. Driving to look at people’s decorations. Getting gas should be “truly, truly, truly outrageous.” If you get that refrence, um, I love you even more now. Of course, that’s pretty easy, ain’t it, yep. Speaking of music and a show, I haven’t decided on the “religious” aspect while I’m all for Santa. Presents were something to keep me in church, the same with Easter. I don’t think we should care, but you know how people are high holy days.

I can forget about that but, Oh, Christmas Tree Will…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 167 ~It Will Be Christmas~

I took a nap today, “dang” it, but I didn’t dream of Christmas. It was more The Walking Dead: World Beyond, and I don’t remember Christmas Time in any zombie movie… Maybe I Am Legend; it was almost Christmas. It Will Be Christmas, so I want Hallmark

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Gospel 167 ~It Will Be Christmas~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be able to buy Santa’s Workshop. I’m not trying to be all Jeff Bezos EVIL. Yet here I am. Baby girl, I’m saying that I hate CHRISTMAS. If it’s any consolation, you know that I hate most holidays, even when I can afford them. How’s that for the Christmas spirit? It’s less about Christ and more about Capitalism, or so I was taught. I’m sorry, it’s been a hard day. The idea of a “Biblical Purge,” sigh. Um, I’ve never been one for fake smiles… I love masks. But our holiday will be a freaking Hallmark movie, promise.

I own a piece of them, too, by the way. For everything I do, am I still trying to buy my way into Heaven. My love “without you they’re never gonna let me in” as Nickleback sang. Why yes, I had to bring out a song, and we will have plenty of Christmas playlist tuneage. I’m sure you still haven’t met my “father,” but I will have to ask him how he made those gallon jug lights as Christmas. I want to decorate, and we’ll have the most gigantic tree. I definitely wish for wrapped presents. I suck doing those, but I’m my mother’s son. Speaking of my mother, while she didn’t wrap gifts ever, she could cook up a storm. Creepy thought, but they say guys go for girls that can remind them of dear ole Mom. So you can cook and sing, of course. Sunday brunch, yes, please.

I want tons of pictures. It might explain the business I’m in some. I don’t have one photo of my “family.” So wanting photographs of the family that we have. It’s not a dream, I know, but I want those memories. Those smiling faces, happiness, friendship, of being, sigh loved. Where I once worked, we sold pajama sets for families. It sounds goofy but seeing all of us matching, including our furry dæmon or our dæmons, everyone hugging. Yeah, I won’t say the holidays I once had were all wrong. I’m never going to be a Christian man. There’s tons of debate about AMERICA. Hell, I never had the Christmas I envisioned, yet I still call myself a traditionalist. I once believed in Santa. I wasn’t always the Grinch or a Scrooge, sweet baby doll.

Christmas is about family, so yes, It Will Be Christmas.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 160 ~Through Your Eyes Will~

It’s nearly 3 AM, and I can barely keep my eyes open, so it looks like I’ll be wasting tomorrow well today. If only I had someone to waste it with that didn’t have four legs. “Through Your Eyes Will,” I have four eyes, so I’m complaining because

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Gospel 160 ~Through Your Eyes Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still haven’t seen it all. Don’t get it twisted; I’ve looked at every dime of my money or ours, I should say, right? I’m all for 50-50, the 80-20 concept, and 20-20 vision, though after this year. So much to say with foggy glasses. People say that love is blind. Others say it was love at first sight. As for me… when I close my eyes, at least it isn’t the tune of an old white man. You knew I had to break out with Kylie Minogue’s Love at First Sight and Janet Jackson’s That’s The Way Love Goes.

I have always been one for tradition. My love, I am one for the fairy tale. Now no one teaches you to fall in love. As “silly” as it sounds, I always figured one day I would see “Her,” and that would be the end. First time I ever felt that… high school, senior year. Well, you can say that’s when I found my type. Are you that, are you the dream that I imagined. To be honest, you know my musical taste, so I can be open to a lot. On that note, how about another song, I Only Have Eyes for You. Then you ask how was work… However, I find Abby Knox’s book a lot more fascinating and how Bear’s character is. That’s exactly how I fell in love, minus the snowstorm. While I’m loving the masks, if I’m cold, the only place I’ll be looking is to a roaring fire and my warm bed… well, ours.

Only that’s not the reason I’m so late tonight or this morning. I have three words for you, Quest For Camelot. Garrett was blind, and he fell in love with Kayley. He’s another man I can relate to, seeing how he was a hermit until he met her. And Here I Am with you. Yeah, you knew the white men would creep in from Bryan Adams to Vasily Zaytsev and Evan and Jaron (Crazy for This Girl). You would think with all this music, I would be more for my ears than eyes. I’m no one for religion, but I swear I’ve heard God in song. Colorado All-State Treble Choir (Down in the River to Pray). Still, I don’t expect to see him or her anytime soon, for, um reasons…

Baby Doll, you’re like a book. That’s high praise, you know I want to get a tattoo of my dæmon’s name I can read every day. I write books and poetry for a living, amongst other things. So I want to read you Always and Forever. Now I have nothing against Audible these days but actually seeing every line, every curve. I have to see. Still, the two of us here in the dark together. When it comes to you, love, allow me… I want to know what love is; I want you to show me. Through Your Eyes Will

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 153 ~Will Love Every Day~

Smile every day, laugh every day, and if you ever hear me say eat, pray, love or talk about reading that book, punch me in the face. The only thing I wanted to love today was my bed, but I have my Dæmon, and I have to keep living. Will Love Every Day

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Gospel 153 ~Will Love Every Day~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and even if I wasn’t AHEM, “I will still love you.” That’s the only thing that will never change. To be honest, I spent most of today thinking it was Monday. It’s the first day since the end of NaNoWriMo, and I figured we should do something special. Instead, I’ve been adulting and “celebrating…” Uh yeah.

Yeah, is that what I call it buying another NaNoWriMo T-Shirt? So it turns out they were right. I have shirts from 2019, 2018, 2017. 2020 means four victories. How long have we’ve been married, My Love? A loaded question.

As I said, I’ve been handling business. I set up an appointment for my Dæmon at the groomers. Talk about my priorities as a father and a husband, hell as a creator. I owe him an apology as I look at his nails and his mouth. Did I ever tell you I love wearing masks? I remember saying that I love my work creating, and I don’t mean the old Day Job. God knows I’m glad that NaNoWriMo is over, meaning I might get a decent night’s sleep. It’s still early evening. Last month I gave everything I am to my novel and barely made it through. But like that song Muzik by Knoc-Turn’al, my work, my world, my wifey. Some men so much better than I talk about what a man needs, food, sex, and silence. How about sports, music, food, and ladies. If you can name the two black men who said it…

I’m still listening to a few old white men SIGH R.I.P. Sean Connery. Anyway, he said, as King Arthur that “I can’t love people in slices.” So what is it? Am I trying to say? That I love you, I love us, I love every day, here and now, always and forever, yes my phone again. It’s only that some days are better to love than others. Some people need more of me than others sometimes. Inky Johnson said something like he deserves to give people the best version of him. It’s like John Legend’s All of Me. Anita’s, Giving You The Best That I Got. Am I saying my love is like some movie or music? Shall I start to be your Romeo and swear on the moon or compare thee to summer’s day?

The point is I’m here and Will Love Every Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Tell me I didn’t say that, write that, or even choose to think. You see why I spend so much time sleeping or living vicariously through others. As the song ask, would you lie with me and just forget the world? “To Be Silently Willing.”

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but must I tell everyone? There was a time I played PCH for hours. Time better spent reading, writing, and “Lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.” Now was that a little too much? Is that somewhat an insult within honesty? Can’t I just say right now, My Love, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep much last night after working on the novel late. So yes, I’ll say STUPID things (cringes) from time to time. I suppose that music won’t be my salvation. Minnie Riperton’s musical stylings?

It’s one of the reasons I love how you’re a reader like me. It’s why I buy books for our kids all the time. I’m sure the Dæmon doesn’t mind, old man these days. I value your mind, and when we say something. Not sounding like the President but zero responsibility. Though, I’m not tossing away the music. Have I told you about the time I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding? You know I can name hundreds if not thousands of songs, Not one got me to move on the dancefloor because I was afraid SIGH. Indeed, I’ve told you my dirty little secret of actually enjoying the plague era. I’m going to miss wearing masks. Now with all of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, still facing the man in the mirror. That’s the hardest thing to do. Name something that masks prevent?

Kissing You? At this rate, I’m going to have a whole new playlist now, including Des’ree. For the record “I’ll Always Love My Mama,” and I’ve worked for a few black women I can’t stand. Anyway, kissing you is an excellent way to shut me up with everything in life. Also, my Dæmon and I like to eat. I’m not one for the holidays, but on Thanksgiving, my Mom cooks. Hell, I even have memories of E-Day steak and baked potato. Anything that keeps my mouth shut and makes me want to see the world one more day, My Love. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t get loud, but there are days like today that I can’t say anything right. I want to be like Elton John, John Legend, Bruno Mars, the guy from W.I.T.C.H. and write you a song.

Worked out well. But silence is my kindness, or “Les Fleurs.” To Be Silently Willing

I Will Have No Fear