Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I think I should write all I need to do for the day sometimes. Don’t I do that on Sundays? But change the air filter, fix the fence, and find the funds for meds. Then there’s the freeloader, um, Virgil. Teaching him and me. To B Instructional Virgil.

Friday, March 24, 2023

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike most nowadays, I can’t say I started with such and such amount of money.

Don’t get me wrong. I know Lady Sophia. Plenty of people pull themselves up by their bootstraps. as THEY say. You know I want to be all, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Hell! All day yesterday as I wandered the Day Job, ha. Welcome to your manhood. Nobody teaches you to be a man. Or should I say a good one? The stuff I do, Lady Sophia. Is it sad that Braxton, to this day, is my most tremendous success? Greatest Grammarly… And, of course, how did B III end?

“Pain in my heart but I put it in the grave
Pain in my soul but I put it in the grave
Nowhere else to put it, that’s the way that I was raised –”

Well, you can see what I’ve been reading lately. Stormzy’s Interlude. Do I need to remember Thursday, March 23, 2023, as the date I started listening to Spotify again? How about finding a pet psychic?

What? To read to me about my boy? Hell! I have two books about my son that I won’t even read. No, because I “want” to go to the Day Job instead. And then I’ll return here and read about all the Humiliations Galore I suffered all day. Next week is going to be bad. How to be a horrible human being. I have a plethora of books about that. But I can come up with some “original” ideas. But my Republican tendencies. Then again, I could try, you know. Like last night. I was thinking about how to beat my illness without hospital intervention. This led to me looking up naughty nurses and wanting to eff a particular girl in a hospital gown. Who?

I’m no doctor, do-gooder, or even a dog trainer. V would agree wholeheartedly. I’m sure. No, Lady Sophia. I’m an effing “deviant.” Or, at best, a DOM. Even worse, disgusting. Only I’m not trying to heal anybody, teach, and what about love? Braxton taught that. Yet, like all those dead fur baby books, I’m not reading anymore. Sophia, this week’s title… A Black Women’s History of the United States. Finishing it next week, I hope. That’s the only way I’ll read. I complete another Kindle Challenge, and for what, my Lady? I’m reading paychecks and bills, showing my idiocy. Instructions on how to die, Sophia. The clock tells me what to do, and I wonder why I fail. Myself, Braxton, Virgil. To B Instructional Virgil

782 Days Without B III, Day 223 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 265 ~Heal B, Heel V~

WillLeave a comment

When I got put off my Olds health plan. Many, many years ago. My Ma said I didn’t get sick or hurt often. I’ve been good for eye exams here. Shots for Covid there. A bacterial infection. I had my boy and a few good chicks. But now Heal B, Heel V

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Saga 265 ~Heal B, Heel V~

781 Days Without B III, Day 222 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve had a surprising one here or there. At least, sometimes. I’m healing. I think.

That doesn’t sound like much. I know. Considering I couldn’t save you. Your life’s work. It was keeping me safe, B III. I’m still breathing. So how dare I mock it, right? Hell! I still call V the freeloader. Ha! I can hear your voice… “I Think I Can. I Think I Can…” um, telling me, not cool, bro. Hmm. It isn’t, I know. But I did try and block off that gap in the fence. That’s for his protection. But when it rains, it pours Little B. Little V needs so many things right now. Well, you did too? And when did I start to care? Too late! Again I know. If I’m so bright, I should have been a doc. I did want to be a vet once.

A reason to get up in the morning. But these days, it has nothing to do with the new day. I’m usually sick. That’s TMI. At least I’m sleeping at all, right? I can say that. It always comes back to you, Braxton. I should live as though I’m watching you all night long B. When’s the last time I got a good night’s sleep? I love being asleep, B III. Allow me to be like that little girl in Blue Gender. Something to the tune of… I wish I could go to sleep for a long time. Because when you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. To sleep forever. That’s what I thought about at the Day Job today. Being antsy, Angry, Anxiety Braxton.

Both heads are a mess these days, my friend. Yet I want you, B, to rest in peace. Good Luck. Only you’re no doctor. A hero, not a heel, but a healer. If only I could tell you about today. Yes, we’re talking early because by the time you see this… Thursday will be horrible; Wednesday, March 22, 2023… other than begging to get off early when I need money. There’s a body to fix, a fence, and the freeloader. The word keeps popping up. I’m sorry, Braxton. Anyway, Virgil’s been summoned for a vet appointment. It still gives me chills, or is that The Sickness? I mean, mine, Virgil, is okay. Only shots, I think. Fixing; um, saving me. Running. Heal B, Heel V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 264 ~ Virgil’s Escape, Plan B~

WillLeave a comment

I thought Virgil didn’t have initiative. He’s been sniffing at a gap in the fence after learning to navigate the stairs. I’ve taught him to run away. But for me, welcome to Hell. I know I’m not escaping and even fun things… “Virgil’s Escape, Plan B.”

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Saga 264 ~ Virgil’s Escape, Plan B~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to fix the fence. Virgil’s already sniffing around, looking to escape.

But of course, me being the selfish A-hole I am. Let’s talk about me and my plan B as in… Yeah, you guessed it. I want to be with my boy. I should have followed Braxton. Oh, how many days has it been? 780 days and counting, Inspector. All I do is count these days. Effing inventory! But that’s for another time. What was I doing Monday, March 20, 2023; well, after kicking Virgil out for some alone time. No, Echo, not to masturbate, thankfully. Only I did lie in bed naked and thought of something that hadn’t come to mind in so many years. I imagine it was during my religious phase. Or let’s say, um, spiritual… “Astral Projection.” And so I tried it.

I’m going to have to buy some new books on the subject. I’ve forgotten everything. Inspector, how books were once an escape from life. I can’t even do that anymore; reading anything I want? And don’t get me wrong. I’m not hating on current material. Monday, I’m reading “A Black Women’s History of the United States.” Sunday, was “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation.” Before I read “How to Be an Antiracist” and “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Movie Theater.” Black skin, white titties. And to be honest with you, Inspector Echo, I want to read about more dead fur babies. But that’s not an escape. Is it? Ask me where I want to be; it’s simple. Holding breathing, Braxton. To escape my grief… NEVER.

Hell! I don’t even know where to run to anymore. “Run To You,” right, Inspector? Writing in general. I mean, I hate the Day Job. I wish to honor my son. I need a doctor. What about providing for the freeloader… um, Virgil. Again I also need a new fence. Letting Virgil escape? One way or another, he’ll end up in a box. Right beside my Braxton, won’t V? Funny he sleeps on the left side. So even now, Braxton is there looking over him. I’m not looking at other “boxes,” if you get my meaning. Pornography, effing no. Effing Republican, am I right? Keeping him away from XXX. But the gun’s in the drawer. Hedonism, Sadism, a release, escaping existence. Virgil’s Escape, Plan B.

780 Days Without B III, Day 221 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts? A song that I’ve never liked but rings true. Since I’m never happy with it. I’m always hungry in one way or another for it. And effing horny. Well, except when I’m mourning my son. For 161 days. And to hurt anyone else. “To B Hurt Virgil”

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I will never be hurt again. Oh, sure, I’ll claim victimhood like a Republican.

“I believe I can see the future,” as the song goes. Do rich people have time machines? I still want my Braxton back but damn. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, I keep telling myself today. Today is Sunday, March 19, 2023. Time Travel! But today, Trump is supposed to be arrested. Is anyone hurt? And who? If anything, the pain has become my constant, my love. Hell! Am I becoming like M Anime? Before Braxton died, I can’t say I was ever at 100% at any time. It was more of a “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” Does my singing help, or does it hurt your ears? My ass is kicked thinking about my “Lost Boy.” Always Braxton.

Remember when it was only these ears hurting me? Saying “I love you,” always, forever? Braxton couldn’t speak such a thing. But he was the only man I ever listened to. Talk about “love is louder.” What’s with all the pop culture references today? Well, I did climb out of bed to talk to you instead of watching whatever and being lazy. My eyes hurt. Better than talking about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oops! I should be looking for medicine. But love, you don’t know how badly I want some. Uh, sexual healing. Or some tacos. The doctor said I should cut out the spicy. But yesterday… yeah

After I was done reading, of course. In a “Study,” not a Man Cave. Braxton’s Mausoleum? Dammit, with all our money, you know I would build one. Failing to save Braxton? Hurting that never goes away. But what about you and me? I can save us. I can fix this. I can save you… Not a day goes by that I don’t think I should have joined my B in death. But you, our children, there’s even Little Virgil upstairs waiting. I don’t know what for. Love? My love. A sadist? Yes, I am, my love. But I take no pleasure from the pains I know. Braxton has known for fifteen years. But always and forever love. I’m just a sucker for pain. One more song. To B Hurt Virgil

779 Days Without B III, Day 220 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 262 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

WillLeave a comment

I’m going to break a hand someday. Will it be on the shower tile, a Day Job locker, or will I finally go all out? Everything happens for a reason. When my ears were stopped up, and I couldn’t hear people’s jokes? Your Punchline Means My Punches.

Monday, March 20, 2023

Saga 262 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Forth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And hopefully, I don’t get as raw-dogged as all the others. Always practice safe sex, guys ha-ha.

Why am I laughing? For all the people that make fun of me, you know who’s the worst. I think Taylor Swift had it right “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” Braxton’s knowledge. That’s why he would stomp on my head every morning. Oh, look, here’s my tears for this morning. All I have to do is remember that his purpose was to protect, save, and love. And if punching me in the face with those little legs did the trick. Well, then do it. My Braxton. While I’m all in a musical mood, “It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy.” Braxton protected me from bullies. The two biggest being my old man and me.” The mirror Madam… SIGH

Nah! “I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror.” Hah! Do I not want to eff Taylor Swift anymore? Trust me, Madam. We’ll get to that. Trump was staring at the sun. He’s one sad joke. But I’m usually up before the sun. Even if it’s not at 4AM as I planned. Now if I were a better man, I would change “sun” to “son.” Braxton’s eyes served as a mirror. Only within them, I saw a much better man. Somebody I wanted to be. Not now. Every day if I don’t start the day thinking, “my son is dead,” it’s, “I’ll join him, my B III.” It wouldn’t be a punch in the gut to anyone. Then again, no more jokes.

Punchlines! And here’s another one, Madam. The phone has become the sun. Oh, the light. And I spend at least a half hour punching at the bedsheets. Wayward dick Madam. Staring at orbs, I want more than any sun. Those are called breasts, tits, yabbos, fun bags, dirty pillows, etc. To think of such a release Madam. But instead, I get so angry. Please! Not at women. It’s the fact that I have to punch into the Day Job, and for what now, hmm? It was wanting to throw punches in that Hell. Even after saying the comedian is dead. Myself. But no! I let those bastards’ punchlines go unpunched, and Braxton paid the price. Virgil’s no joke, me neither. Your Punchline Means My Punches

778 Days Without B III, Day 219 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What really annoys me? Air. Being a black man in America, I shouldn’t say that. But I continue to breathe in and out. I listen to members of the GOP that… um, anyway. B III, of course, is missing out, but what is Heaven? While I’ll B Annoying Virgil.

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Saga 261 ~I’ll B Annoying Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are… well, you want tacos. What’s one more thing not to share with Virgil Vivi?

I shared with Braxton all the time. And look where that got him. I’m sure Virgil doesn’t want to hear about it. Well, that is, if you REALLY talked to him at all. Today or tomorrow? At the moment, you’re only annoyed with yourself, to be honest. Or with me. Apologies. I didn’t learn from The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. And yes, you’re still sick. To think, brave people, brainy, and God knows better, would be recovering somehow. You hate wearing a watch because you’re clocking your time in Hell. What? 777 days? There are your pendants of Braxton. Oh, your hoody or Linus’s blanket. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “How to Be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like everything you wear to “act right,” it’s annoying to report my failures every Sunday. And, yes, these are my failures, but Hell! You’ve already failed six, getting out of bed this morning. You won’t have the time for five. Again look at the watch. Sit still! Four was you annoying Virgil by kicking him out of the bedroom. I uploaded all those movies yesterday, and you took advantage of yourself… But like Norah Jones sang out. “I don’t know why I didn’t come.” There’s no time for three, either. And even if you had the whole week, you wouldn’t do anything. As for two, didn’t I say I uploaded new porn? Who are you, Lou effing Bega. Talk about, One-hit wonder… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation” John Lewis
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums (One Day)
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I like Rebekah, Scarlet, Chanel, and Audrey, A little bit of… It’s annoying being pathetic. How about downright STUPID when it comes to M Anime and Cherry? There’s B’s Aunt. And what do you want me to tell you? I’ve read from two highly educated and influential black men. Yeah fuck you Ron DeSantis. And while we’re on the subject fuck Donald Trump too. Do you want to know what else is annoying? Hoping Trump will get what’s coming to him. Only did he ever kill a fur baby? If you weren’t looking up porn. You might know these things. But besides that, you’re looking up medicine and the time. How much does Virgil have? Will you love him like Braxton? I’ll B Annoying Virgil

777 Days Without B III, Day 218 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 260 ~It’ll B Saturday, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I complain that I don’t have time, and when I do, like today? Hell! If I treated every day as if I were looking for B III. Oh, he’s right there on the nightstand because Virgil… sigh. Had one messed up Saturday 217 days ago. It’ll B Saturday, Virgil.

Saturday, March 18, 2023

Saga 260 ~It’ll B Saturday, Virgil~

“It is an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.” Tomorrow, When the War Began

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. When will be the day I won’t have to lie about that? I’d be a Republican.

Lunalesca. That means either a; I’ll always be lying about history. It’ll become all 1984. Then there’s B, as in billionaire, big breasts, maybe even bringing back B. Futurama (sigh). Didn’t I talk last week about being forgetful? And now the things being remembered, Lu. And no, I can’t blame St. Patrick’s Day. The only thing I was drinking was my tears because my eyes hurt. And holding back gushing all over… well, I know a lot of pretty girls. Ha! Um, knowing them might be subjective. Even this morning’s conversations Luna. There was a time, Lunalesca, I would already be up and about, looking for Braxton. Today’s without purpose. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Will I quit?

If I’m going to keep going back to those days, along with Sunday, January 31, 2021. And Saturday, August 16, 2022. Again I ask, which day will I become a billionaire? Oh, look at the time. Hell! Whenever I think about time, it’s between being sick and healthy, Lady Lu. You know Lu. I still hate that Stevie Wonder song “Someday at Christmas.” We don’t need “it” at Christmas but now. Right now! Health, Happiness, and Hedonism. But I can’t have that. If anything, like I, said last night. I’d settle for being naked in bed, eating a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup with a Sprite. Give me a slice of Strawberry cake for dessert too. But it’s Saturday or Challenge Day. Well, my ass is kicked. Yet again.

“Nothing’s difficult. Everything’s a challenge. Through adversity to the stars. From the last plane to the last bullet to the last minute to the last man – we fight. WE fight! We FIGHT!” – Joe ‘Lightning’ Little, Red Tails (2012)

More like getting punched in the dick, Lady Lunalesca but TMI? Jesus effing Christ. Lunalesca, did Virgil think that when I “chose” him? I keep having to remind myself of the brown fur around his eyes. There are the three black spots… reminders of Braxton, And I remember telling Braxton’s Aunt. It was like Braxton himself spoke to me, Lunalesca. “Daddy, I can’t make this more black and white.” I should go all Michael Jackson, Luna. I was about to make a crappy joke about Michael. But then, how much was MJ worth? How about at the moment? My Braxton is worth everything. And on a Saturday morning, I watched it slip from these hands. Another Saturday, I effed up Virgil Vivi’s Universe. And for today? It’ll B Saturday, Virgil.

“I said if you’re thinking of being my baby
It don’t matter if you’re Black or White
I said if you’re thinking of being my brother
It don’t matter if you’re Black or White”
Michael Jackson – Black or White

776 Days Without B III, Day 217 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Busy living or dying? I exist. And it’s getting harder to breathe. Not that bothered B III. But I won’t ever write that what I did was right. Not when I’m writing about everything wrong with me. Going on with V. “Write Way, Braxton, Virgil”

Friday, March 17, 2023

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t have any health issues. But you know I’m an effing liar… sometimes. Often?

The biggest lie I ever told? As I was telling Braxton the Wednesday when he was trying to get my attention. The Friday as I put him in the car to go to the vet. There was the Saturday night I lay beside him. And Sunday, January 31, 2021, as I carried him back to the vet… Like the song goes AHEM, “We gon’ be alright.” And here we are, 775 days later. Well, one of us. Today is one of those days I want to be with my son. Well, that’s every day, to be sure. Only today, even more so. I heard something interesting this morning. You know that word unalive? “THEY” use it to keep their content. The almighty dollar, as always.

Since I can’t use the effing S-Word because I don’t need the cops showing up at the door… um again. I’ll only say I want to be with my son. The freeloader… Virgil Vivi’s here. Sophia, it’s the only reason I’m not buck-naked lying here with some chicken noodles. Hell! All of the times I almost died before I met Braxton. Relax, Lady Sophia, you can say I’m quoting a movie. How about a book? Remember I said I’m an effing liar, I believe. According to the Kindle Challenge and now Goodreads, I read “How to Be an Antiracist.” Everything but the Notes and About the Author sections. And what about watching The 1619 Project. I need my eyes for that, don’t I? SIGH trying.

But today, let’s start with the basics. The Cherry Collision once The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident is kicking my ass. How the Hell did I survive the Day Job. Eff Me! On that subject, it’s why I’m late talking to you, Sophia. I was writing Cherry and reading M Anime. At least for a few minutes, I didn’t feel like joining B. Women and fur babies. But then we get to my eyes which have been itching and burning. Effing maddening. When I returned, I immediately popped a painkiller and shared some fries with Virgil. Would Braxton be proud of me? It shows I’m trying to keep existing. Talking to you, looking up drugs. Knowing my son is dead, but today. Write Way, Braxton, Virgil

775 Days Without B III, Day 216 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 258 ~Virgil’s A Pain, B~

WillLeave a comment

Pain’s a big subject that I could never do justice to. Well, except once… Hell! A week. But I knew Wednesday. I thought nothing about it Thursday. Friday, we saw a vet. And Sunday, my son died. That’s pain. Not this and not now. “Virgil’s A Pain, B.”

Thursday, March 16, 2023

Saga 258 ~Virgil’s A Pain, B~

774 Days Without B III, Day 215 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How can I while being such a meanie? It’s more like because of the pain.

You’re dead, Braxton. Anytime I feel like it’s too much. When I finally decide I don’t deserve this, I become all Tammy Rose meets Yuri Orlov, with some Robert Neville. “My son is dead,” “My brother’s dead,” “Everybody! Every single person that you or I has ever known is dead! Dead! There is no god!” My suffering, betrayal, and treachery. B, this is it. And sadly, it keeps up existence. My Republican Tendencies, B III. Who needs hope, hmm? Not when there’s sadness and rage. And my personal favorite, FEAR. A lot more without you. That’s your daddy, alright. Always being the selfish prick I am. Oh, and speaking of… There’s The Cherry Collision from Thursday, February 16, 2023. A month since my idiocy brought…

“Pain, Pain…” I know there’s some song that goes like that. But finding it? Well, Triple B, if there’s one thing I’m an expert at finding, it’s Triple X. Looking up a word like sadism. “The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.” All but two seconds, B. Timing my bathroom visits? Yes, I know, TMI, dude. But you were the Todd to my Jacob. I started reading that series Succubus Lord when you were alive. Now I listen to it every day. Audible sees a problem. But anyway, I never got anything from hurting you. And killing you. Ellie and Joel… Braxton, you know I could go all in on that. Mental, Physical, Emotional, poor me…

But I haven’t learned, have I? Virgil is upstairs by his lonesome. It’s not fair for me to say he’s a pain in the ass after he has learned so much. Ending suffering, misery, and training. That’s for both of us. Only he ain’t you, and that’s “What Hurts The Most.” I sense another playlist, Braxton. You know I’m still pissed about Crazy Town’s Butterfly selection? Humiliation Braxton, and I was the only one who heard it. Effing mental anguish, Braxton. Only again, that’s nothing compared to the physical right now. Too late to see doctors. Then there’s how others feel. I’m ignoring your aunt, what I did to Cherry, again there’s Virgil. But you and I? And yet I’ll say Virgil’s A Pain, B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

WillLeave a comment

I haven’t cried today. I can’t afford it. But you know how I begin the day. If I had billions, I wouldn’t be doing “that.” The Day Job pay is crap, but I find the time to teach 2V to go down the stairs so he can take one. “Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time”

Wednesday, March 15, 2023

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This leaves me more time to cry… or not. I wouldn’t be one for servants. Norman…

You know, the butler from “The Big O” series. If it was between Bruce Wayne’s “Alfred and Roger Smith’s “Norman?” I’d choose Norman, I know. Debates in the shower. Inspector, that’s when I’m not jerking it to Madison Paige. Oh, we’ll get to that soon. Today’s point is Inspector: I can’t stand the pain even though it’s well deserved. Inspector, it’s Times Like These; I want to spill any other fluid. Endure and Survive. Sunday, so the last episode of The Last of Us, which I’ve been thinking about. That and the fact that I like the sound of the rain. Drowning out all the hurt in water, Inspector? One of “my” greatest fears is drowning. (Shudders). I even have a deal with Braxton’s Aunt.

If the end comes by “The Way of Water,” she will fetch me with a boat. How did Noah do it? It wasn’t a boat big enough for all the tears I shed when B died. Have I cried today? I’m sure Braxton’s Aunt has. She and her husband lost their fur baby, Midnight, Inspector. If it’s not grief, then it’s fear. I’m sure I brought up what some reactor said about the three emotions of sadness, fear, and anger. Of everything I have to be scared of today. Cherry wrote a play that shows what a fucked up person I am. Abusive stories Inspector. Only I’m not angry at her at all. If anything, I’m mad at myself for several reasons. Spitting, Sweating, Sick

But as long as V’s ok? He can use the stairs by himself for the most part. V lacks initiative. Well, not when it comes to the gate. He’ll go on the carpet if I leave him on the floor. Inspector, I could kick him out then… back to Braxton’s Room and be alone edging. Which, of course, is how I ended up sick. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Last week I thought I was healing… Inspector, it’s a million times worse now. And now I go back and forth between needing a doctor and saying I got what I effing deserve. Effing dark. Inspector, what becomes of Virgil without me? Braxton? Virgil’s time? Mine? What do I do? Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time

773 Days Without B III, Day 214 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will