Tuesday, November 10, 2026

Legacy 132 -How-To MAN UP B-V-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But there are other things you think about while sitting in a dealership showroom. $800!

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day… Well, it’s Fall right now. And I still love you. Braxton, Virgil (if V isn’t a whole other thing), and I love our two-legged kids, no doubt.

“Man Up” is two words I ain’t ever gonna tell my boys. Hell, myself… 3+4+3+4+3+4

Am I doing okay? Not really. Seeing as how I was sitting there as they looked at the car and I needed anything else to be annoyed at. Those stupid Meowdoku ads. I swear, love.

I’ve never played Sudoku, and you know, I don’t have anything against cats. Dog person.

And my dead fur buddy was telling me the other day. Wait, does that make me crazy, my love? Anyway, I always use his death…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

If I can survive Braxton’s loss, I can survive anything. So I’m sitting there thinking how badly we need the car and how will I pay for it. A Man Provides. But there’s one problem.

When did I become a man? Hell, I can’t recall when we met. How? Oh, that was on Triond right?

Your birthday, sure. And every man remembers Valentine’s Day. The day after B was born…? But I think of that movie “Courageous,” when the guy asks his boys, “When did you think of yourselves as men?” And you know what I always say, love. Fatherhood.

Fatherhood is the epitome of Manhood. Or is it the other way around? Whatever. Love.

I’m sitting there staring at $1,135, $999, $800, specifically $796.70.

I’m thinking about how I will provide for you and our family. Honestly, I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to throw up all over that shiny floor. I wanted to tell someone, anyone.

But that is not what a man does. A man provides. I, as a man, “I Stand Alone.” What man?

I wasn’t a man that night, many, many years ago, with a girl on my cock in a parking lot.

I swear that was worthy of Street Blowjobs. I’m not a man because I have some enormous penis on OnlyFans. Or when I got into crypto so I could use the Magic Glasses, the MIMA.

Then being my boys’ father, our family, or paying $800. Provide. How-To MAN UP B-V

2109 Days Without B III, Day 1550 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, November 3, 2026

Legacy 125 -There’ll Be Time, Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And there’s always time for more… Or should I say room. Why not both tonight?

Tonight? There’s always time for me to feel STUPID. Though I’m not sure if this is or not, to be honest. One of my greatest fears is my STUPIDITY. My Own Worst Enemy, for sure.

And love makes me very STUPID. You know I love my boys. So I don’t correct people when they ask about my Braxton. Sure, you can call that fear, too. Anxiety! But as far as I’m concerned… BRAXTON LIVES! Because to say otherwise… To accept the loss of B III

Speaking of loss, it’s Election Day! I heard something about Guam, but that’s it. Lovely. If I am to be STUPID about something, let it be out of love rather than Dare to be Stupid.

Hate had its time, love.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I want to say there was a time I even hated you. And there’s no shortage of time for me to hate myself. Should I go, Julia Stiles, aka Kat Stratford, about all the things I hate and then have a proper cry? I think I’m too drained to cry right now. Honestly, my love.

Dehydration is not my biggest concern. Starvation? Death does not frighten me at all, my dearest. How I might die… How I might be remembered. Writing about hating time, love.

I think about something you asked me a few days ago as I continue playing catch-up, “Every Morning.” And despite everything, mornings, thinking about you, about us is the best time, but you did ask…

From M Anime:

1: Have you been annoying me this past week?

2: Do you send me too many messages?

Will I find the time to give you a straight answer? Oh, I have all the time in the world to remember and compare this to Detroit: Become Human. You know the “Meet Kamski” chapter when Elijah Kamski allows Connor to ask only one question: Time for some Q&A, perhaps, for example: What is it about these Mother/Daughter pairings happening

What is it that makes me have these Cuckold vs. NTR fantasies about you, goddess?
There’s the whole Juliet Starling Lollipop Chainsaw Fantasy, thoroughly explored.

There’s also the question of what time I’ll love myself to come to bed at a decent hour… Not tonight, sadly. There’ll Be Time, Virgil

2102 Days Without B III, Day 1543 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, October 27, 2026

Legacy 118 -Weekly B Vitamins Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I love Braxton. I love Virgil. My Ma and Sister. Braxton’s Favorite Girl. Cherry…

And I was honestly about to say there is nothing wrong with my memory. Seriously?

Today, though, like most days, I’m just low on energy. Sounds rather simplistic. But because comedy comes in threes, there’s Virgil, and “Dollar, dollar bill, y’all.” How can I expect to get any of those when I can’t stay awake? And then when I do fall asleep… I should save this for Inspector Echo, since there’s nothing wrong with my memory, but I love reading…

Honestly? So I was reading Dystopian Girls 7 a few days back… Virgil has been six one whole week. Anyway, I started reading, and everything went blank. I wake up in the morning intending to talk to you, but I check Kindle first. Bad husband…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Zero! Checking on my reading before my girl… Not what I meant. Zero-day reading streak! So I feel there’s a mistake, and I check the book. I never got off the starter page, my love

All because I had no energy, and so I chose to pull my own version of the Sisko, my love:

“So… I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men.”

No, I didn’t go that far; I simply turned off the automatic date, set it back to the 25th, and read for about twenty minutes. I swear, why didn’t I think of that when I lost the reading streak I had after Braxton died? Anyway, my point is this. I ain’t Divergent’s Tris. I got scared for Virgil today and didn’t know whether to go nuts or take a nap.

Now can you imagine if I put the energy of a lost reading streak into us, the kids, this life

There was a time when I loved myself, you know. Whenever I see another pair of tits anywhere. I need to stop! This week it’s all Juliet Starling, Mikura Suzuki, and this Asian girl I’ve been drooling over for a while. Bringing work home? Stop. I need to go, go.

Anyway, what I meant is, I took pills for ANXIETY. And they increased my energy.

Braxton lay dying, and as the song goes, “And I would have stayed up with you all night. Had I known how to save a life.” I did. He died. Sleeping to not fail? Waking for… Weekly B Vitamins Virgil

2095 Days Without B III, Day 1536 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, October 20, 2026

Legacy 111 -V’s, B’s, Yours, Daze-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I may be “Dazed and Confused,” but I’m not a liar. And I know things…

Virgil Vivi Bradford turns six today. His Gotcha Day was Saturday, August 13, 2022. I found him at PetSmart. The first thing I noticed about him was that he knew how to use a training pad and not mark the floor. So yes, mistakes were made on that day, hmm

I still remember and see the three black spots: head, back, and tail… B III? B’s color fur around his eyes. And B’s bark telling me that he couldn’t make this more black and white, literally. Archie? That was his name before I named him Virgil. And you know why…

Such a long row to hoe for such a little dog. I thought he was Braxton reincarnated and/or reborn. All I know and yet love…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Hell, I love you, baby doll, because I know you’re no “angel.” And B knows I’ve called you much worse in the throes of passion. But if I wanted to get into the doghouse again…

I could compare you to my boys again… What? You know how I feel about my sons, my love. But Braxton’s gone, and Virgil is a year older today. And “I’m So Thankful.” I am.

They are gods among men. Thus you are my Goddess. “The Goddess,” if I said that, was Alexa Bliss, or I mentioned Roxanne Perez. What about Jahara Jayde? She’s been my favorite these last few days, if the Unfinished Archive is any indication. Ass kicking?

Honestly, “Hey Lover,” would you kick my ass? Go ahead.

I know where I first met you. Triond. I met Braxton in my Olds bedroom. But I could tell you neither of those dates. Braxton’s Birthday? The day before Valentine’s, the 13th, because he was the closest I would get to love… Then your birthday. What was the last thing I bought you? When Braxton left, Sunday, January 31, 2021. When you left, Sunday, August 24, 2025. Again, I thought I found Braxton on that Saturday, in a new white fur.

When you came back, it was on Saturday, January 24, 2026. Hell, the first time I saw you “naked” was on Thursday, May 15, 2025. My point… I can recall Virgil’s life but love…

Cookies, Fries, all for His Birthday… V’s, B’s, Yours, Daze

2088 Days Without B III, Day 1529 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, October 13, 2026

Legacy 104 -Virgil And The B’s-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Then how come I don’t say it? “Yo te quiero, Papi Y te deseo”. Honey?

I want you to know I hear you. I do. I will. However, marriages go in this day and age, you know. Love is more than a buzzword to me. Though, to paraphrase Virgil Hawkins, aka Static Shock (My son V’s name was inspired by a lot of things). Ok, the word LOVE does put a shock to my system. I forget how to speak English. I can’t eat… Well, you… Do I ever stop? And I can’t get enough of hearing that word; it’s like a song from Glee:

“’Cause I feel that when I’m with you, It’s alright, I know it’s right
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before”
Songbird, Glee Cast

And don’t get mad for the comparison, but Braxton showed me love until his last…

Breath… Beat of his heart… Belief in his eyes that I would bring him back. That’s what Dads do, hmm:

“He was the boy’s father. Father’s are supposed to protect their sons, not leave them alone.”
― A Different Alchemy

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But what do husbands do? “Well, I’ll be sitting here. Working on this beer. Oh, baby, I love you, just leave me the fuck alone.” You know I don’t drink. No, I’m just tired today.

And so I’m sitting here humming “I Want A New Drug.” “But Your Love Is My Drug,” isn’t it? Oh, looks like I found my phone. Plus, I have a puppy sleeping on my lap, and you know the law. You can’t move for anything. And if Virgil were Braxton, it would not even be a question. Again, being sleepy turns me into a fucking meanie. And yesterday I was talking to Braxton about beast. But I’m not some superhero trying to keep my control.

I’m not a fucking drunk.

I’m “Just A Man.” And what is worse than a man? People are so vexed with what a woman is. The people MAGA has no respect for. Incubators. Broodmares for the state, the fear out of The Handmaid’s Tale. But you are my wife, and the things we do, hmm…

I’m surprised I don’t bother you about my Stuff And Thang more often. Bugging you.

That’s what I feel like sometimes. I want to say I’m a busy bee, but I’m more of a mosquito:

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito.”
―

But I’m squished and squashed. It’s like I’m constantly bleeding out. “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real.” “Oh yes, there will be blood.” I write shit. But Honey, there’s you. Virgil And The B’s

2081 Days Without B III, Day 1522 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, October 6, 2026

Legacy 097 -B’s Blindness Binds Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me?”

Wow, that’s saying a lot… Not me, Theresa Walker’s “I Don’t Wanna Die.” How I wish we could sit here and watch the movie “Dead Air.” Can I even see it? I just don’t know.

Didn’t somebody say, love is blind? And apparently deaf as well. And how about, Stupid

“I feel stupid,” because today I want to show gratitude. For Braxton? No matter where my boy may roam, he still sees his way HOME to me. In spirit, at least. And he loves me.

Honestly, it made me blind to how he aged. I didn’t see some old man. I saw my son, B.

So my blindness must have been going on for a while because I see Virgil cuddling closer and closer still.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He’ll be six in two weeks, October 20. Not even halfway to his brother’s age yet, and he’s already like a ghost. Do I see him yet? Do he and Braxton see each other? Sometimes…

Yeah, maybe I am blind. I think I see Braxton nudging him forward, but Braxton could be standing in the way, and that’s why he’s scared to come in. Braxton is all Gandalf the Grey: you shall not pass. For a while, I thought Braxton had become Gandalf the White in Virgil’s little body. Reincarnation? Necromancy? I am grateful that isn’t true, my love. Why, because of how I treat Virgil? The younger brother from “The Man Who Watched the World End” or the burned son from “A Different Alchemy”?

I am grateful for all these insights I’ve been seeing, even about you, my love, The Unfinished Archive. Since I haven’t been using the Magic Glasses/MIMA for ideas, I have sought my own counsel. The Man in the Mirror? Seriously! When it comes to you:

You are the Phoenix Queen, and every other sister is a part of you. Lily, your garden, and my mourning. Kyouko Sakai, your sex drive. Cassandra, your exuberant strength. Sophitia, your mature strength. Skye, your ties to the Earth and knowledge. Judy, your expertise, green thumb. 2B, wanting to be a better woman. Nico, your knives. Melina, your scars and faith. Sadly, my brain isn’t getting smart; my head’s been fucked up. “My eyes, my eyes. B’s Blindness Binds Virgil

2074 Days Without B III, Day 1515 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

Legacy 090 -B Plays Portal Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But do you know what I need to reread? Pet Loss? Some love story? Kinda

The instructions to the game “Portal”? How I miss the days when games came with actual instruction booklets. I love those. And players’ guides. Game Genie. To have time again.

But no. What I’m in the mood for today is Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge): A LitRPG Series by A.J. Markam. “Give Me One Reason to stay here,” you say… May I suggest “Portal 2”? Seriously, what is it about me and portals today? And in the spirit of full transparency, I’ve never played either Portal. And I’m trying to remember Succubus 8 as best I can. This is what happens when you don’t use a woman for audiobooks. Sheesh!

Anyway, I finally got to bed last night, and this morning everything has gone cattywampus.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Your lover, your best friend, your husband, father to our children, I damn sure try!

Honestly though, a plumber, an exterminator, a repair guy, an award-winning author, my love… This is where it is written, “you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” Yes, I am guilty of saying that every day is worse than the last. But with you, our children, fur and skin, I can survive. Only today it’s like I stepped through a portal… Maybe only by a few days to show all my effing loserdom.

You don’t know how badly I want to go back right now. How far? It has nothing to do with you, my boys, our family. Just me. My E-Day wish.

Near the end of E-Day month. I wish the day never existed. Always and forever.

Honestly… I know, my love, I know. I tend to take things too far. But that’s because I want to be even farther away. Or is it further? Did I mention that my writing sucks?

Anyway, A.J. Markam’s protagonist “Ian” had powers over the “Hell Pont”; he could use portals to travel anywhere. Why do you think I chose magic in The Unfinished Archive? Necromancy, time travel, and, portals. And why yesterday was “FINE”.

Today: Ants, busted drawer, crazy toilet, and let’s not forget about the car. Loving you?

Going to see a movie, lying in bed prattling on about the Halliwell sisters. Beats Hell. B Plays Portal Virgil.

2067 Days Without B III, Day 1508 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why don’t I say it then? It sounds better in Spanish… And I’m learning.

Hell! Have I known you longer than my firstborn son? Triond? That might be older than Braxton. Back when I thought writing would save me… Would save us, not knowing.

Love, if I had a penny for everything I don’t know. Because “Hey Jealousy,” the first time I found love- I mean real- I will watch cities burn for you; I will bathe in blood for you; I will initiate genocides for you; take a bullet for you; you don’t even have to ask; make John Wick look like a freaking priest type of love was for Braxton Barks Bradford.

Darling, “He’s My Son,” period. There is nothing else. And I haven’t said “I love you,” Virgil, to his brother since Saturday, August 13, 2022.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But ‘All The Above,’ as it was with his brother. Why? Virgil Vivi Bradford. Honestly…

“He’s My Son.” I may be a shitty father. Really… Virgil took a ‘dump’ in the hallway today, and I have him on punishment. Anyway, I care for him. I keep saying, He’s My Son.

And you are my wife, my lover, my woman, my girl, “My Goddess,” the mother of our crumb snatchers. Make no mistake, we made those, as I say with Braxton. I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but he was/is my Pancake. In this case, we often talk about me pouring the Bisquick and you making us a whole flippin’ stack of pancakes. I “Don’t Mind” Love.

You know I love them all, Always and Forever, Love.

And as I said at the beginning, you know I love you, right? Again, there’s Virgil, and there is also my craft. But how do I choose to show that love? I still hate myself…

Seriously, all forty-two years. I even miss all my Ben-Hur slavery humor, you know, 41

“We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live”
From 1959’s Ben-Hur

A bad word? Slavery? I ain’t fucking MAGA. And it’s weird, you know. If I’m ‘lazy’ loving myself, I’m even lazier when it comes to hate. Everything is fucking exhausting.

Fun sometimes. Like the names I call you in the ‘throes of passion’. Cumslut? Damn!

Only, I can’t say… I can’t show. For example, there’s a… pornographic movie, Braxton’s Favorite Girl, and I watched. Well, she knows my love language? Loyalty. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

2060 Days Without B III, Day 1501 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Hell, “I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you…”

And so on, so forth. “Savage Garden”? Makes sense. When it comes to you, “Well, pardon my manners, just something about you turns me to a savage. And you love gardening, my love. The only things I know about gardening are: I don’t want to hear the neighbors complain; Braxton and Virgil hate that the weeds are above their heads; and Final Fantasy VIII MIGHT be my favorite in the franchise. It was my start, really. What’s My Age Again

Forty-two, and I’m too old to be playing video games or all this pop culture… Well, if you believed that, we wouldn’t be together. Same if you told me to forget about my two sons.

I love all my kids. I love you. But myself?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

How much I hate myself. Well, that too. “I found the greatest love of all, inside of me,” is a goddamn lie. And can I cut the playlist off for a minute or two? How I wish, especially with what happened today. Down With Webster’s “Time To Win”; can fuck right off with Cody Chesnutt’s “Look Good in Leather.” And I should stop saying “FUCK” unless it’s “Just You And Me.” I swear, love, General Hospital’s Rie Sinclair song, seriously!

Anyway, what are you going to be mad at me for today? There’s always another song, and it’s this: I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.” Do you know what I love most in the world?

My sons and our kids, you, and my craft (Writing).

But what also brings me the most grief, pain, and terror… “There Be Dragons Here.”

“I was told the Golden Company had elephants.”
Queen Cersei

Under no circumstances am I letting any of you go… Don’t I make love sound like “Obsession”. Not the 2025 Horror… No “One Wish Willow” here. However, we named one of our daughters Willow. Anyway, what is my freaking point? It’s the pain, my love.

Mental anguish. I don’t do physical pain… Smacking my ass, scratching my back, the struggle. You know what I mean; love it. It’s the mental stuff: “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.” They say an elephant never forgets. And in pain I have love. But being forgetful… There B Elephants Virgil

2053 Days Without B III, Day 1494 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Better than yesterday? I try, you know. “Do… or do not. There is no try.”

See, it’s this right here. The fact that I will still quote Star Wars at forty-two. Forty-two, my love. My first, second day of being this old, this way. And on my sister’s birthday too.

Something I shouldn’t forget, or rather, someone. As I forgot about myself long ago, hmm.

“Long ago, long ago, long ago.” I can remember snippets of the song/poem of Antoninus from the movie Spartacus as much as the words of Master Yoda. And there’s Braxton.

There is always my Braxton. And Virgil too, of course. But I’ve been thinking about something I read yesterday. Well, rather Sunday, because E-Day… We will get to that, love.

It was “Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I better be happy. And you want to know the last time I was happy? You might hate me, my goddess. I think about those words: “God has not given us the spirit of fear…”

Jesus or Jeezu, better Braxton, because he was my little god. I call you “My Goddess.” I still remember arguing with you because you thought I was saying you weren’t “Human.” You do know how I feel about humanity. Humans are assholes, accidents, abbreviations for things like life, love, or so I feel lately. “I said maybe you’re gonna be the one who saves me? And after all. You’re my Wonderwall.” You, Braxton, 2-V, family.

You’re better. To the “Man in the Mirror.” “You’re a god. And I am not.”

And when you M and everyone, my furry little ones Braxton and Virgil, their two-legged siblings that I tell every day, “Good Luck, Have FUN, Don’t Die.” Be good, and if you can’t be good, don’t get caught.” Mi familia… Hell! I’m trying to learn Spanish for you and our growing family. The one single thing today at 5:13 AM that shows me being, um

Better. Better at finishing my damn thought. When was the last time I felt happiness?

Honestly, it was being asleep and knowing that Braxton was/is watching over me. NO FEAR! Not like yesterday. I’ve wasted forty-two years of existence with the knowledge but without the know-how to be a better man. How to Git Gud. Better. B Better, Me, Virgil

“You make me want to be a better man”
As Good as It Gets (1997)

2046 Days Without B III, Day 1487 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will