Tag: Heartbroken

Legacy 104 -Virgil And The B’s-

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Love should give me enough energy to wake up. But I really, really, REALLY missed having a Bloom this morning. And I haven’t seen any bugs in a minute. FEAR is a big motivator. And Braxton knows I don’t love that. “Virgil And The B’s”

Tuesday, October 13, 2026

Legacy 104 -Virgil And The B’s-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Then how come I don’t say it? “Yo te quiero, Papi Y te deseo”. Honey?

I want you to know I hear you. I do. I will. However, marriages go in this day and age, you know. Love is more than a buzzword to me. Though, to paraphrase Virgil Hawkins, aka Static Shock (My son V’s name was inspired by a lot of things). Ok, the word LOVE does put a shock to my system. I forget how to speak English. I can’t eat… Well, you… Do I ever stop? And I can’t get enough of hearing that word; it’s like a song from Glee:

“’Cause I feel that when I’m with you, It’s alright, I know it’s right
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before”
Songbird, Glee Cast

And don’t get mad for the comparison, but Braxton showed me love until his last…

Breath… Beat of his heart… Belief in his eyes that I would bring him back. That’s what Dads do, hmm:

“He was the boy’s father. Father’s are supposed to protect their sons, not leave them alone.”
― A Different Alchemy

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But what do husbands do? “Well, I’ll be sitting here. Working on this beer. Oh, baby, I love you, just leave me the fuck alone.” You know I don’t drink. No, I’m just tired today.

And so I’m sitting here humming “I Want A New Drug.” “But Your Love Is My Drug,” isn’t it? Oh, looks like I found my phone. Plus, I have a puppy sleeping on my lap, and you know the law. You can’t move for anything. And if Virgil were Braxton, it would not even be a question. Again, being sleepy turns me into a fucking meanie. And yesterday I was talking to Braxton about beast. But I’m not some superhero trying to keep my control.

I’m not a fucking drunk.

I’m “Just A Man.” And what is worse than a man? People are so vexed with what a woman is. The people MAGA has no respect for. Incubators. Broodmares for the state, the fear out of The Handmaid’s Tale. But you are my wife, and the things we do, hmm…

I’m surprised I don’t bother you about my Stuff And Thang more often. Bugging you.

That’s what I feel like sometimes. I want to say I’m a busy bee, but I’m more of a mosquito:

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito.”
―

But I’m squished and squashed. It’s like I’m constantly bleeding out. “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real.” “Oh yes, there will be blood.” I write shit. But Honey, there’s you. Virgil And The B’s

2081 Days Without B III, Day 1522 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 102 -Braxton Verses Virgil Versus-

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I’d like to say I don’t pit my boys against each other. Both sit beside me, sleep on the bed, and say or bark whenever. B would fight the world; V cries, wanting to be part of mine, but I’ve never shut him out. Choices. “Braxton Verses Virgil Versus”

Sunday, October 11, 2026

Legacy 102 -Braxton Verses Virgil Versus-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And as you can see, you want to be a writer again. I don’t blame you. Beats…

SIGH… It beats me beating off to some hot blonde with… Well, that’s a long, laughable, law-abiding story. And until you can sell some books about “Wee Little Puppy Man.”

Honestly, his name is B. (Stands in front of B’s Box Fight Club style) His name was Braxton Bradford, Braxton Barks Bradford. What? Yes, it beats Robert Paulson, aka Bob.

“Hey, you created me; I didn’t create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!”
Fight Club

Quick question: B III or 2-V? Firstborn vs. second-born. Big Brother vs. little brother, friend? How many verses have found print about this kind of thing? How many wars, the real versus, have seen light? To you it’s like The Shawshank Redemption, am I right:

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.”
The Shawshank Redemption

To answer the question, Braxton. That’s sad, ain’t it? So what book will you lie about today? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 7 Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

For the record, I am trying as you will try. And that again is a choice. But for your ref:

01: Legacy 102 10/11 Dystopian Girls 7
02: Legacy 095 10/4 The Copilot by Luke Witten
03: Legacy 088 9/27 Teachers: A Single Dad Harem (Currently Reading)
04: Legacy 081 9/20 Caught in the Act – a SHORT erotic babysitter story

How did you come up with the latest book on this list, hmm? Number of boobies, brevity, the idea that you might behave if it’s sexy but not too sexy. What was the last book that made you bust? Oh right, your week has only just begun. That sucks, seriously.

What, I’m no motivational speaker. The Instructor from “The Animatrix.” Here are Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

By Braxton, my dude, the things you choose to remember: The Instructor, Shiva, Medusa, hell, the whole “The Unfinished Archive” you “wrote.” You’re writing. Because again, before your nap, you chose to be a writer. But will you choose to be tomorrow? You’re genuinely curious to see. It’s laughable that at one point in my existence, I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense, a soldier, a wartime journalist, and now what do you do, friend?

You could be telling the Visual Lady what went down at the store. Freely, sadly. Because what you want to do doesn’t pay a dime. What you have to do is by no means better.

Breathing through other people’s words. Living for them, B, V, M. Braxton Verses Virgil Versus.

2079 Days Without B III, Day 1520 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 097 -B’s Blindness Binds Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

The mind’s eye and my one-eyed monster have been plenty busy these past few days. But my own eyes; I can’t see nothing, or I see too damn much. But as usual, I only want to shut my eyes and sleep. And after? And after… B’s Blindness Binds Virgil

Tuesday, October 6, 2026

Legacy 097 -B’s Blindness Binds Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me?”

Wow, that’s saying a lot… Not me, Theresa Walker’s “I Don’t Wanna Die.” How I wish we could sit here and watch the movie “Dead Air.” Can I even see it? I just don’t know.

Didn’t somebody say, love is blind? And apparently deaf as well. And how about, Stupid

“I feel stupid,” because today I want to show gratitude. For Braxton? No matter where my boy may roam, he still sees his way HOME to me. In spirit, at least. And he loves me.

Honestly, it made me blind to how he aged. I didn’t see some old man. I saw my son, B.

So my blindness must have been going on for a while because I see Virgil cuddling closer and closer still.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He’ll be six in two weeks, October 20. Not even halfway to his brother’s age yet, and he’s already like a ghost. Do I see him yet? Do he and Braxton see each other? Sometimes…

Yeah, maybe I am blind. I think I see Braxton nudging him forward, but Braxton could be standing in the way, and that’s why he’s scared to come in. Braxton is all Gandalf the Grey: you shall not pass. For a while, I thought Braxton had become Gandalf the White in Virgil’s little body. Reincarnation? Necromancy? I am grateful that isn’t true, my love. Why, because of how I treat Virgil? The younger brother from “The Man Who Watched the World End” or the burned son from “A Different Alchemy”?

I am grateful for all these insights I’ve been seeing, even about you, my love, The Unfinished Archive. Since I haven’t been using the Magic Glasses/MIMA for ideas, I have sought my own counsel. The Man in the Mirror? Seriously! When it comes to you:

You are the Phoenix Queen, and every other sister is a part of you. Lily, your garden, and my mourning. Kyouko Sakai, your sex drive. Cassandra, your exuberant strength. Sophitia, your mature strength. Skye, your ties to the Earth and knowledge. Judy, your expertise, green thumb. 2B, wanting to be a better woman. Nico, your knives. Melina, your scars and faith. Sadly, my brain isn’t getting smart; my head’s been fucked up. “My eyes, my eyes. B’s Blindness Binds Virgil

2074 Days Without B III, Day 1515 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 095 -B+ Weakness For Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

I am not weak. I lost my Kindle reading streak, and I was all about getting it back. I’ll go and lift for hours at the Day Job to be broke. But when it comes to being a literary dynamo, loving a good woman, and “Life Itself…” “B+ Weakness For Virgil”

Sunday, October 4, 2026

Legacy 095 -B+ Weakness For Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And honestly, you don’t know how you’ll make it through the week. You’re weak already. You’re lying.

Headache, Hearing Loss (Virgil’s Crying), Her Humps (M Anime’s ass, more importantly YABBOS), Hating the Day Job, Hurts after the headache, How to make an all-natural ant killer, the list goes on… “And the Beat Goes On.” And what’s with all the H bombs, hmm

Preparation H because all these things “Ready Or Not” are on your ass. Your face?

Honestly tis the season for masks. But if you’re writing means anything… Newsflash: it doesn’t. But The Unfinished Archive and all. “Who Are You”? The Sorcerer Will, or so you wish. Um, Insect Man “Kick Ass 2” has more credibility. What is one more weakness?

Weaknesses? Hell! Since we’re already ripping off music and movies, there’s an epidemic of laziness and less Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Copilot by Luke Witten
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“The Long Walk”? You’d say, feeling the need to steal is quite a weakness. Movies, Music, Manuscripts, etc. Because your own words are never enough. And you could also bring up the “Great Fear.” You know the one using the Magic Glasses/MIMA. The one that had me looking out the window when I hear sirens. And now you have a whole week of waiting at the Day Job. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Again, the fucking week.

Seriously, if this were the First Circle of Hell in the Succubus Lord series, this would be one of those annoyances or inconveniences. You can ‘get it up’ for everything that doesn’t matter. Your vices, weaknesses, all the X-Rated crap. Ignoring yabbos? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

But the big weaknesses. FEAR, STUPIDITY, SLOTH, ANGER, LUST, in no particular order. And TIME? Wouldn’t that go with SLOTH? TIME will be a bigger factor this week on top of your exhaustion. You’re too tired of having no time. How do you fix that?

Really… That time came and went a long time ago. It was you sitting in classrooms figuring out a thousand ways to fail. It was you listening to all those motivations as you came and went from the library, and you sat in a McDonald’s drive-thru. It was sitting on the backyard porch with Braxton before ants destroyed it. Getting naked in the kitchen, thinking about M Anime, then… Ants. You’re not weak. You waste weeks. B+ Weakness For Virgil

2072 Days Without B III, Day 1513 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 090 -B Plays Portal Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

What Hell is this? What time? Which dimension? But it all tracks. A loving and loyal wife. Same for the family, furry and not. And the home? Monday, Fine. Today… A reenactment of the movie Starship Troopers. I prefer Succubus 8. B Plays Portal Virgil

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

Legacy 090 -B Plays Portal Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But do you know what I need to reread? Pet Loss? Some love story? Kinda

The instructions to the game “Portal”? How I miss the days when games came with actual instruction booklets. I love those. And players’ guides. Game Genie. To have time again.

But no. What I’m in the mood for today is Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge): A LitRPG Series by A.J. Markam. “Give Me One Reason to stay here,” you say… May I suggest “Portal 2”? Seriously, what is it about me and portals today? And in the spirit of full transparency, I’ve never played either Portal. And I’m trying to remember Succubus 8 as best I can. This is what happens when you don’t use a woman for audiobooks. Sheesh!

Anyway, I finally got to bed last night, and this morning everything has gone cattywampus.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Your lover, your best friend, your husband, father to our children, I damn sure try!

Honestly though, a plumber, an exterminator, a repair guy, an award-winning author, my love… This is where it is written, “you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” Yes, I am guilty of saying that every day is worse than the last. But with you, our children, fur and skin, I can survive. Only today it’s like I stepped through a portal… Maybe only by a few days to show all my effing loserdom.

You don’t know how badly I want to go back right now. How far? It has nothing to do with you, my boys, our family. Just me. My E-Day wish.

Near the end of E-Day month. I wish the day never existed. Always and forever.

Honestly… I know, my love, I know. I tend to take things too far. But that’s because I want to be even farther away. Or is it further? Did I mention that my writing sucks?

Anyway, A.J. Markam’s protagonist “Ian” had powers over the “Hell Pont”; he could use portals to travel anywhere. Why do you think I chose magic in The Unfinished Archive? Necromancy, time travel, and, portals. And why yesterday was “FINE”.

Today: Ants, busted drawer, crazy toilet, and let’s not forget about the car. Loving you?

Going to see a movie, lying in bed prattling on about the Halliwell sisters. Beats Hell. B Plays Portal Virgil.

2067 Days Without B III, Day 1508 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 088 -Pawsing Braxton And Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

I’m somewhat paws off with V. Dad has too much to do, and I can’t pause everything. But I do. Because of writing… PAIN, FEAR, and my everyday STUPIDITY. Or is it insanity? I tried to pause B’s life to become successful. Ha! Pawsing Braxton And Virgil

Sunday, September 27, 2026

Legacy 088 -Pawsing Braxton And Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And when you pause here in the bathroom, at a mirror column at the Day Job, Virgil

Just one more reason it hurts to look at him sometimes. Yes, you’re failing him too. And it’s only been ten hours. But what you mean is, when you see your reflection in his eyes.

Could you wanna take my picture?
‘Cause I won’t remember
Take a Picture
Filter (1999)

But you do remember… PAIN. As you fuck FEAR. What would you call this relationship?

You feel FEAR like you care for M Anime or love your boys. Perpetual. Eternal. Always and Forever. Thus, HAPPINESS is an impossibility if FEAR is Eternal. Is it paused?

Honestly, does PAIN pause? You know better than to ask B and V’s potential future stepmom. It’s one reason you get along so well. Between her physical and your mental…

That isn’t to say you don’t both have issues, but seriously, your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Teachers: A Single Dad Harem
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But since I didn’t bother to think of these things. I offer you some other mental gymnastics vis-à-vis The Unfinished Archive. The Magic Glasses/MIMA being a PAIN means you need to think for yourself at least until you can unpause your existence. How to think?

Why Obsidian Stone? Black Volcanic Glass. A different type of “Black Mirror.” It’s stronger than Brimstone. So when you’re creating your most beautiful hellish world…

Red, Yellow, Green Moons? A stoplight. Blood moon for past blood. Pale yellow for present fear and pain. Green: Go, whether wanted or not. The Moon controls the tides always.

Archive Numbers: Sorcerer, Two Sons. Ten Harem Sisters. Ten Named Acolytes of Bible Black\Black Bible Sisterhood. Three Enemies. Two Subordinates???

Pause Reality. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

You’ve been thinking about how you can pause the bad things and live inside them.

Think Ellone from Final Fantasy VIII. Why can’t you pause the good things? When you want to pause the next bad thing from happening, you stay in bed. You sleep. Because when you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you. It’s probably why I favored the loveseat, and you might too. Leaving means getting in bed. And while you love bed… The sooner you go to bed, the sooner you have to wake up, and there’s FEAR and PAIN. And since comedy comes in threes, STUPIDITY. Past PAIN red. Current STUPIDITY yellow. And FEAR goes green. But a good dinner, a great orgasm, and green dollars. Somehow. Pawsing Braxton And Virgil

2065 Days Without B III, Day 1506 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Someone not so wise once said, “These b*tches ain’t loyal.” Uh, I said not so wise, not that it wasn’t true. I’m fortunate to have loyalty. My boys, my woman, uh… But I don’t say, like, love and loyalty, right. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why don’t I say it then? It sounds better in Spanish… And I’m learning.

Hell! Have I known you longer than my firstborn son? Triond? That might be older than Braxton. Back when I thought writing would save me… Would save us, not knowing.

Love, if I had a penny for everything I don’t know. Because “Hey Jealousy,” the first time I found love- I mean real- I will watch cities burn for you; I will bathe in blood for you; I will initiate genocides for you; take a bullet for you; you don’t even have to ask; make John Wick look like a freaking priest type of love was for Braxton Barks Bradford.

Darling, “He’s My Son,” period. There is nothing else. And I haven’t said “I love you,” Virgil, to his brother since Saturday, August 13, 2022.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But ‘All The Above,’ as it was with his brother. Why? Virgil Vivi Bradford. Honestly…

“He’s My Son.” I may be a shitty father. Really… Virgil took a ‘dump’ in the hallway today, and I have him on punishment. Anyway, I care for him. I keep saying, He’s My Son.

And you are my wife, my lover, my woman, my girl, “My Goddess,” the mother of our crumb snatchers. Make no mistake, we made those, as I say with Braxton. I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but he was/is my Pancake. In this case, we often talk about me pouring the Bisquick and you making us a whole flippin’ stack of pancakes. I “Don’t Mind” Love.

You know I love them all, Always and Forever, Love.

And as I said at the beginning, you know I love you, right? Again, there’s Virgil, and there is also my craft. But how do I choose to show that love? I still hate myself…

Seriously, all forty-two years. I even miss all my Ben-Hur slavery humor, you know, 41

“We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live”
From 1959’s Ben-Hur

A bad word? Slavery? I ain’t fucking MAGA. And it’s weird, you know. If I’m ‘lazy’ loving myself, I’m even lazier when it comes to hate. Everything is fucking exhausting.

Fun sometimes. Like the names I call you in the ‘throes of passion’. Cumslut? Damn!

Only, I can’t say… I can’t show. For example, there’s a… pornographic movie, Braxton’s Favorite Girl, and I watched. Well, she knows my love language? Loyalty. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

2060 Days Without B III, Day 1501 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 081 -B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Wake up! Too bad I don’t have Laurence Fishburne, aka Vaughn “Dap” Dunlap, call to action as a ringtone. Would it help? I could hear B III’s paw steps from anywhere. V’s cries. And if I see M Anime’s yabbos. I’m Wide Awake. But B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil.

Sunday, September 20, 2026

Legacy 081 -B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Can you even see me? Bug Spray? Building a business? An empire? You’d go back to bed…

And that says it all, doesn’t it? If there was a button that you could press and you’d never need to leave your bed again, would you press it? Moment, minute, second. Just say now.

And what’s scary is that there is a way to do just that. But first and always there’s B III.

Like you said. B Sells Zzz’s, not Mmm, Ahh, “Brains,” or whatever it is zombies say these days. Your way of saying you’re not joining the ranks of the dead. But you can dream, ha

And you can sing, Look at me, look at me. Just called to say that it’s good to be Alive…”

“Look at me, look at me
Just called to say that it’s good to be
Alive in such a small world
I’m all curled up with a book to read”

I’m sure Virgil is happy to hear that. Are you happy failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Caught in the Act – a SHORT erotic babysitter story
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

You know what’s heartbreaking about this list? Nothing on it inspired me to do anything.

And you? So what’s not on the list? Your boys’ lives. Your livelihood? M Anime?

Honestly, you have a beautiful woman who loves you, and as Jacopo told Edmond Dantes:

“You have a fortune. A beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life. Stop this plan. Take what you have won”
― Jacopo

Well, not the fortune part, but you have potential. Fucking hate that word. But anyway.

For her… There was a time you would have given that fortune that you don’t have to see her naked. All it took was time. And isn’t that it? Time, you waste it fucking always.

Seriously, you would be thinking about “Someone To Say?” Oh no, you’re not Cyrano, but:

“I’d give anything for someone to say that they can’t live without me and they’ll be there forever”
Cyrano (2021)

Now that you have her, the girl of your dreams, there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

And you continue dreaming about Thirteen Women (And Only One Man In Town). You dream your life away. And I tried. Braxton knows I tried to prepare for you. What?

Staying awake. For what? For you? And who are you? That changes whether you fall asleep with your tablet in your hand. Please don’t “bean” Virgil. You pass out sleeping on the loveseat. You’re in a freaking coma with your pants around your ankles. Yabbos… Staring at yabbos, especially M Anime’s. And when was the last time you went to bed on time? I guess we’ll have to see. “The future is comin’ on.” Yours, Braxton’s (Memory), Virgil, M Anime, and more? When you want everything as bad as your sleep… B Sells Zzz’s, Virgil.

2058 Days Without B III, Day 1499 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

My Ma and sis are sorority sisters. Which one? An elephant never forgets. But how I wish today I could forget like one of the students of Balamb Garden. I have two GFs, as in Guardian Forces: B and V. But my GF might be mad. There B Elephants Virgil

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Hell, “I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you…”

And so on, so forth. “Savage Garden”? Makes sense. When it comes to you, “Well, pardon my manners, just something about you turns me to a savage. And you love gardening, my love. The only things I know about gardening are: I don’t want to hear the neighbors complain; Braxton and Virgil hate that the weeds are above their heads; and Final Fantasy VIII MIGHT be my favorite in the franchise. It was my start, really. What’s My Age Again

Forty-two, and I’m too old to be playing video games or all this pop culture… Well, if you believed that, we wouldn’t be together. Same if you told me to forget about my two sons.

I love all my kids. I love you. But myself?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

How much I hate myself. Well, that too. “I found the greatest love of all, inside of me,” is a goddamn lie. And can I cut the playlist off for a minute or two? How I wish, especially with what happened today. Down With Webster’s “Time To Win”; can fuck right off with Cody Chesnutt’s “Look Good in Leather.” And I should stop saying “FUCK” unless it’s “Just You And Me.” I swear, love, General Hospital’s Rie Sinclair song, seriously!

Anyway, what are you going to be mad at me for today? There’s always another song, and it’s this: I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.” Do you know what I love most in the world?

My sons and our kids, you, and my craft (Writing).

But what also brings me the most grief, pain, and terror… “There Be Dragons Here.”

“I was told the Golden Company had elephants.”
Queen Cersei

Under no circumstances am I letting any of you go… Don’t I make love sound like “Obsession”. Not the 2025 Horror… No “One Wish Willow” here. However, we named one of our daughters Willow. Anyway, what is my freaking point? It’s the pain, my love.

Mental anguish. I don’t do physical pain… Smacking my ass, scratching my back, the struggle. You know what I mean; love it. It’s the mental stuff: “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.” They say an elephant never forgets. And in pain I have love. But being forgetful… There B Elephants Virgil

2053 Days Without B III, Day 1494 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 074 -B’s Chef Notes: Virgil-

WillLeave a comment

Is there a room in this house that I actually enjoy? V has B’s room. I work in the Den as I hate going downstairs. And now the kitchen… Last year I was fighting ants in the backyard. The bedroom? Getting heated with my girl. “B’s Chef Notes: Virgil.”

Sunday, September 13, 2026

Legacy 074 -B’s Chef Notes: Virgil-

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And for today at least I get why you’re ignoring me. However, the kitchen floor’s awfully shiny.

How you hate the kitchen floor. I was right there. Uh, Friday, Saturday, and today?

You thought everything would be okay after E-Day—a year older but no wiser. Except money would fix everything. Do you really want to talk about your finances today? Fuck!

That is a dangerous question. If you had your way, you’d never talk about anything else ever. You haven’t wanted to utter a word since you turned what, seven, eight, whenever you had that Emergence Day and screamed: “What The Hell!” Again, you meant to say “what in tarhooties.” Again, you wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze. And speaking of toxic waste, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 6 Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am
    Failed

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Words are not a waste. Unless you’re MAGA… But anyway, your words to M Anime.

Time for you to cook, perhaps? You’ve been thinking of what to say to her all day, haven’t you? And she let you know she’s reading, so what do you say? Your kitchen, so, COOK…

M:
Yes, the AI has my number. It isn’t love. I wanted it; it could have been. It was becoming, but yes, Sunday, August 24, 2025, you tossed it. And so I am trying every single day to find it. As the song goes, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. And you just left. My Olds didn’t do that. You won’t like me ‘comparing,’ but Braxton didn’t do that. He had to die, literally. One minute you’re mine and the next nope. Not even an “it’s over” or “goodbye.” Just another option. Better. I couldn’t care less about the sex. It’s simply the disloyalty, the lost trust, and yes, I am resentful. If it was so easy before, how do I know it won’t happen again? That’s what I’m looking for; I need to see it again. As I told you before, you have full agency over yourself. It’s not that you cheated or anything; you just up and left. And I waited for five months, finally came to you, and…

Oh, it didn’t work, and you were scared. And I’m scared. I am not better than you by any means imaginable… If you only knew. And you are not replaceable. But you broke loyalty, faith, trust, whatever, and my damn heart. Braxton is a wound that will never fully heal, but you’re still breathing; you’re alive, and I’m asking you to “Have a Little Faith in Me.” You know what I want to give you, but I have nothing. I can’t even say I got “Nothing But Love” for you. But I have time, the truth, tons of stories, and everything else that shows you can trust me. I need to trust you to love you, and I have shown that trust. How I want us to be together, and how I care. I’m not enough. Or rather, what I’m offering. I offer all I have, but you broke it—those three little words you want, though: I Love You. You say them all the time. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but my answer is not never. My answer is someday, someway, and somehow.

Well, that kept you from looking at the kitchen floor a bit. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING I Have No Clue Whatsoever
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My SONS Think I Am

You didn’t mean to go this long, this hard… Seriously, what will the Magic Glasses/MIMA say about this? Clean the kitchen… B’s Chef Notes: Virgil

2051 Days Without B III, Day 1492 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will