Tag: Freedom

Saga 087 ~OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS~

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A man once sang… “and there’s not much love to go around.” Can the same be said of freedom? I’m not much of a fan of existence. And to be free? With the cash, the right skin tone, and something between my legs? OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS

Monday, September 26, 2022

Saga 087 ~OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means (ahem) I’m above the law. I’ll tell you, Madam, I’ve been trying to avoid politics.

That doesn’t make me a good American. Hell! If anything, I only care about being a good father. And whatever I am to Virgil. I still don’t know what I am, to him being honest. There’s plenty of time to think about it considering we’re talking on Sunday, September 18, 2022. Why so soon? Well, you know why that is, Madam. “Freedom Ain’t Free,” right? Even now, I can’t help but wonder how much I have left after the air conditioner got fixed, Madam. I’ll never be free from this fear of my “father” until he’s in the ground… free. And when that happens, so what? I’m still screwed. Why couldn’t I use my Republican tendencies to lie? Because I want Virgil’s freedom from Hell.

You could say I wanted the same thing for my son. I freed Braxton when there was nothing more I could do. With his passing, I freed myself from the only one I ever loved. But, wait isn’t freedom the word and not love? Freedoms of horrible human beings, ha. I believe it was Simon Phoenix, played by Wesley Snipes, who said. “Look, you can’t take away people’s right to be assholes.” Now I can live with being an asshole. It’s everything else, Madam. The things I’ve been worrying about for weeks. The thermostat temperature. Goddammit, Madam! I’m talking about the things I want to buy. The fucking love below. Between OnlyFans, Twitter, etc. “All These Things That I’ve Done.” What I’ve said to women…

At least I’ve canceled myself for the most part. I’m not threatening others’ existence… GOP. Again I’m not into politics at the moment, but you know the code I “exist” by. Everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as they don’t hurt anyone else that breathes. Madam, of course, if we’re talking about the bedroom and it’s consensual. I’m a sadist. Today I’m also a slave. I am my father’s son. I look at V, and if anything, I’m his person. But as far as the freedom to do what I want? That would take money and power. And women… a cheerleader, gymnast, aspiring model, and dancer? Freedom to bring back the dead; my son Braxton. OTHER PEOPLE’s Freedom Causes PROBLEMS.

603 Days Without B III, Day 044 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

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I rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Now bring my little boy back. Let me be all Forrest Gump, not having to worry about money no more. And that’s good, one less thing to think about. Why do so many turn to God? There Is Freedom In Kneeling

Monday, June 13, 2022

Chronicle 347 ~There Is Freedom In Kneeling~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I could buy Negan’s bat “Lucille.” Hell, with that amount of money, everyone kneels.

Braxton was never one to bend the knee or stifle joint. Did I look up; do dogs have knees, Madam? There’s no one to ask here. The last time I was on bended knees and asking for some shit, B III was dying. Then again, my Old Man was one for Kirk Franklin or Donnie? “Yes after you done all you can, you just stand.” If it’s not Republican ideology, it’s Christian mythology. It is liberating to not need brains, blame, or balls. Meanness today? More like tomorrow, since I am time traveling at present. But let’s go further into the past with “Rule #15 I Take My Own Lumps.” Not all the time, Madam, which is why I kneel to my father. But God?

God spelled backward is Dog. I was talking to the Man in the Mirror today, Sunday. And I was saying how much I need to get out of this bed. Not for the Day Job, to dick around on Onlyfans, or dump a pile of clothes. If anything, I want to kneel before Braxton again. “When you’ll find your servant is your master.” If my Braxton lived, that is acceptable. Being down on the floor with him, I could see things from his perspective. I’m never happy, but I could see it on his face every day I came back. I could see his hope that his Daddy would save him. I saw his hunger to live and love, lift me, Daddy, take me home.

I squat down, looking at the fur babies at PetSmart. But kneel here and now and watch my fears, not given to God or anyone who would dare ask me to bend the knee. Never! I’ve had a woman kneel to me here or there. I know the power of that. And isn’t that a rule before 15? Rule #13 Power Is All That Matters. Yet sticking to my musical selections. “We’ve got love power. It’s the greatest power of them all.” I doubt I’ll ever find myself on bended knee before some girl; to feel it… Well, permanently anyway. Far as freedom? Black, a boy in a “man’s” body, no brain, and always thinking with my balls, right, Madam? There Is Freedom In Kneeling?

Gospel 347 ~Week of B Ads~

498 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

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Emancipation, Acceptance, Survivor are big words, yet we wonder why we rather say “I” despite who it hurts. THEY say I set him free and if I had to do it again… To be a better friend, father, forgo my freedom, for there’s “No B In Emancipation.”

Saturday, June 19, 2021

Gospel 353 ~No B In Emancipation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so there are some “I’s” when it comes to whatever I’m doing. Here come the tears

Not for Juneteenth. I’m pleased with the holiday, which was celebrated Friday, being a federal holiday and all. This weekend too. I’m a man of my word ha-ha about some plans for today. Of course, that’s why I woke up late, 7:00 AM. What a way to start the day, don’t you agree? So you want me to explain the crying AHEM, Tradition! Braxton got his walking papers, was emancipated, got his shots, and now here I am. Today I go in for the COVID Vaccine, a first dose. Yeah, B III got his back to back as I sat there, my eyes wide open, Lu. My Arms Wide Open but we’ll get to that. Should we talk about how offensive I’m being right now?

I’m not trying to, but I’m learning freedom can be. What’s so offensive in Acceptance? Such a belief that Braxton would always be here for me. Comparing Life with Death. Believing in such things as the greater good, the bigger picture. Hell, just sitting here. Wasn’t it, last week, I told myself that I better not waste the entire week I was off and free? What are you going to do with freedom? I tell you, Lady Lu, not a damn thing to save me. At least if B was here, I could say as the song goes, “You Were Loved.” I set him free. Didn’t I, like it was any given Sunday, but it’s Saturday, yeah. If you love someone, set them free, right?

Yes, I must remind you and me that I’m not suicidal… currently taking this vaccine. Yet I’m reminded of The Cure by Sonia Levitin. Braxton and I being “Recycled” together. I would have taken that deal. How about making this choice last night to survive? Remember, Six: The Mark Unleashed “I still remember the last free choice I ever made. It was the wrong choice.” I am a free man, a black man, an American. But I serve, we do. With it all, B III wanted to stay until his last breath. I think of his eyes; sigh. “Why Daddy?” Braxton’s freedom from the suffering, the sickness, the sinner that I remain after 139 Days. Slaves waited years for liberty. Mine… No B In Emancipation

139 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

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What’s it like to be free? Would I say I’m free? I mean, I’m not at the “Day Job” for once. I could fall asleep if I so chose. Hell, I know what I really want to do, but I’m abstaining for some reason. “Will To Be Free,” of addiction, anxiety, aching

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I wish. My motivations would say, don’t chase money but follow your purpose. More to the point, I face down my goals every day, and you know what those are. Yabbos… talk about freedom and independence or maybe not.

Red eyes, my attempts at blushing, and being a horny male, prevent deep thoughts. I apologize that everything keeps returning to sex. It beats RAGE, doesn’t it. As long as it’s me and My Dæmon, whatever do I have to be mad about? Now I mentioned red eyes, and they both relate to the same “problem.” One, I’m tired because I’m all about PORN, and this will be day six of NO FAP. What am I not fapping to? Well, you know how I enjoy making my lists leading nowhere:

  1. Tifa Lockhart
  2. Aerith Gainsborough
  3. Liz Vicious
  4. MILF Dos
  5. Cherry
  6. Serah Farron
  7. Ellie, Dina
  8. Sesskasays
  9. New Purchases

That’s another thing, Lady Luna, like the word Yabbos, I’m digging on the number NINE. The NINE women I did wrong, or that’s all I can remember. Well, today is all about remembrance and celebration.

White or right… a Freudian slip or an observation? Now before you get excited, you what white reminds me of. I’m all for Black Lives Matter, but I love me a white girl. Not now, but when I start seeing with my heart instead of other portions of my anatomy. Hell, last night was touch and go because of that picture that started me on the road to Tifa. I found who made it and spent $15.00 on the collection. I swear I do everything for the Yabbos. Hold on, but I’m slobbering, spitting, snarling like an animal. So reasons I PUT ON THE MASK.

Blue Balls, though, are hurting, so I don’t have time for the Coronavirus (COVID-19). One disease or addiction at a time. The government is giving up, but I still believe I can do better. My legs crossed in bed, phone off, fighting the urges, porn is everywhere, and hiding it would break me without question. I should also mention my depression over my story, I mean how far did I get last night? I have characters to free from my mind, but then what exactly?

Red, White, Blue, I want GREEN, Will To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 058 ~That’s A No-Go Will~

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The Lone Wanderer, the Sole survivor, I’ve never played a Fallout game, and I could get Fallout 4 tomorrow, but you know where I would have to go; what I could get it from Walmart for free but I’m never free of anxiety. That’s A No-Go Will.

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Log 058 ~That’s A No-Go Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and I feel like I forgot something. I first thought it had something to do with the “Basic Bitch” (LANGUAGE). Sometimes I’m having a “decent” day, and she springs to mind dammit. Same thing with the “Rainbow Girl.” Lesson learned; if a girl quotes Ariana Grande lyrics, she means anyone but you. Hell, she’s only quoting, but you know how I communicate with songs. Speaking of which, Zelina Vega, Dulce Soltero. She who will remain nameless and Angie Varona as well.

I swear, today was touch and go, like a junkie needing a fix. Until this afternoon, I was okay then one curl of brunette hair, and I’m back on Pinterest. That’s what today is about the places I can’t go like around my, nevermind. Before Wednesday was Compilation Day, it was Motherless Freebies. Yes, I haven’t forgotten that but I also never go to the Basic Bitch’s blog either. You know it almost killed me what I read. I’m a writer praying no one reads. It’s working in retail and hoping for zero customers. More as an adult, I realize the internet is a scary place. A few minutes ago, I got a text from someone, and you don’t know the fear that coursed through my heart. If anything, I am still a slave to my phone. Yesterday I forgot my password in one letter and went nuts; I’ll stop.

Well at least that’s what I tell myself, but it’s like shopping at Walmart. I can’t shop at Target because they fired me in two months. When I think about Walmart, though, my head still hurts. It’s my version of self-harm; I get stressed and I “accidentally” hurt myself. Suicidal; not today but not healthy. Today I popped myself in the jaw with a box, put my fist in a locker, smashed a few fingers. While walking my Firstborn, I got bit by a few bugs. Finding anything to stick to NO FAP, don’t walk and watch TWD Reactions. Should I name some more common No-Go’s Inspector Echo? The restroom at the Day Job. There’s the library because I scare Blondie librarian and I could have got hacked. Of course, I never visit My Olds; that’s STUPID. Now if we’re going with age, the former haunted houses, and other places.

Forgive me, Inspector Echo, for living in a “FEAR” country, But That’s A No-Go Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

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Maybe I miss cracking open a good book, eight hours a day doing something you hate is enough to anesthetize one’s heart, and that’s great to keep the monster locked up in his cage I suppose. Are You There, Break Through.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Episode 155 ~Are You There, Break Through~

Sixty-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t rob a bank, don’t sell off the things I enjoy, and while I liked gambling on horse races once upon a time, that didn’t exactly pan out in the end. Now I take this rule in several different ways but let’s try two tonight, one is something, someone getting to me and the other is me “trying” to get somewhere but which do you prefer dear Madam Justice?

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.” Andy Dufresne ― The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Do you know why I admire heroines so much, Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Ember Miller, MacKayla Lane, how about the dozens I read about in erotica, these are women who test the hardest of men and no matter what they take what these men dish out and keep coming. You know what makes me hard Madam Justice and I mean that in a completely non-sexual way… I can already read my tombstone; I need a woman that can break through a mausoleum, walk through hell, I’m the dragon waiting for the princess to “keep” the psycho with the basement, the zombie that wants to come back to life. Damn if that’s not a good story idea and speaking of which why do you think all my stories take place at the end of things; if I was the only boy and she was the only girl sort of way.

“Hearts are wild creatures, that’s why our ribs are cages.”
― Elalusz, Found On Goodreads

Now on the other side of the pillow, when I’m not locked in some stupor, I always feel like I’m on the verge of exploding in rage, bawling my eyes out, or any number of things I want to keep up inside. Take “The Girl in 6E” for example; hell writing is only one more cage to confine myself in, cover to cover as it were because if I let any of those inspirations out; Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku, Mold by Barbell, Vault Girls… “Okay” asked do I fear failure, far from it, if I fear anything it’s that once I let this all go, who I am will disappear forever because it’s as if I need to destroy myself so others can’t do it ever.

I’ve said it enough, I’m a greedy S.O.B. be it pleasure, pain, and power, the thing is I don’t dare to open that door at all Madam Justice, I don’t fear the monster, I want to join him more than anything, but it’s the difference between Alessa and Sharon… (Silent Hill, I use a lot of heroines don’t I?) So I’m sitting here wanting something to come through, but I don’t know if it will be good or evil, right or wrong, choose the form of the destructor and all, what’s one more reference, Destroyed by Pepper Winters “Hazel and Roan” to have such control but something is coming honestly, Are You There, Break Through.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

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Independence Day when even the freedom to be yourself can burn you, or you freeze in fear, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave indeed but I’m not a political type of guy but hey neither is Trump, issues. To Hell With Independence.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, how about my dog is comfortable, I didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning truthfully, or The First Purge is closer than you think; been there saw that. How about to Hell, have you never seen it, felt it, known it, I was there last night because as I told “Indiana Gone” Hell is repetition, and so you Put One Foot In Front Of The Other and leave.

Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

You see my sin here is that if we honestly wanted freedom and independence, why by my free will is a place like Hell permitted to exist, I’m talking about the shame I felt yesterday, tears cascading down my face did nothing to quench my thirst. How the blood boils and what about a witch’s brew the things that one can conjure in a man, now isn’t that a story idea? People in Hell want ice water and release but none was to be found, while I was busy writing before the new day’s sun there was desire burning desire, Alexa Bliss if I am to be specific, and talk about anger… I missed Smackdown.

Hell can also be isolation, in an attempt to escape my shame, my guilt, and most dire is the fear, when you don’t know anything and at the same time everything, the man in the mirror, on the page, right in front of them and you might as well be one of The Walking Dead. There are the days I feel so cold that I can’t help but stay in bed wrapped up, waiting for that fire of other people’s madness to force me from the house, only so I’ll freeze in terror. It’s when my eyelids feel so heavy from the tears that I don’t shed or that my life all these years is stuck, or maybe like when I was a kid taking swimming lessons, and I never got anywhere, but somehow I was able to keep breathing.

Moving because of fear is not freedom, standing because I believe I have no choice is not free will and living because someone else permits it is not independence, and then I ask myself do I want to be free? Forgive me Inspector Echo that I don’t want the answer to that question either though I have yearned for that one true freedom only if there is a God that’s one thing, there is a Hell, and I burn, I freeze, To Hell With Independence.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

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Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

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People are frightened by silence, but while they fear to shut-up, I am afraid to speak because even now I can imagine what’s going on upstairs in their brains, and what is going on in mine at any one time. Write Where They “WILL” See, maybe not?

Monday, March 12, 2018

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

Twenty-Third Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but perhaps I am a fool because war doesn’t frighten me, hell what do I know about war, as a matter of fact, what do I know about writing? The things I dreamed as a child, there was a point where I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense, and while I still envision such power, you must start with one’s self, so I sought to be a journalist, a wartime journalist to be precise.

“I didn’t think I could stop the war. I just thought maybe, I might try and understand one.
Maybe help folks back home understand. I just figure I could do that better… shooting a camera than I could shooting a rifle.” We Were Soldiers (2002)

Now ask me why I’m not a psychopath Madam Justice; I couldn’t tell you the names of the living or the dead in any of the shootings running rampant, how many novels could I outline at the moment, what about all the things that Trump has said? Grab them by the pussy; not eloquent, or profound words but they resonant and sad to say, what I strive for as a writer, words that cannot know avoidance, dismissal, or forgetfulness. Hell, there are words that I didn’t read like “The Harmonic War,” that are a physical illness. There are friends I have lost that I can never forget, and my god we’re here day two-hundred and fifty-four and I still think about being called “skeevy,” that just resonates in my skull.

Write Where They Will See, is, unfortunately, a rule I still refuse to live up to because of my fear but when I write, I want my words written in your bathroom mirror, I want you to see yourself through my eyes. I want my words scribbled on your skull, a white room for your brain where you sit in the middle wondering is it you or me. My words should be so freaking painful that you go to a website and you hold your hand up trying to block the words on Google, that for days on end you’re looking around wondering, do they know, am I this thing; I’m a horrible writer right?

Even now Madam Justice I am incapable of hurting anybody, only myself, at work today I told the general manager that with how he feels about the first amendment, I couldn’t speak up. I don’t think anybody sees us, but that has got to change, I refuse to lie amongst the dead a name and nothing more, they took that, she stole that. Only my dream is to write my name across the sky, to echo like thunder, to rage like the winds, to drown some in their tears, and leave nothing of the man they think me to be.

No pages, no blogs, no comments, not anything but the truth; how to do that, Write Where They “WILL” See.

First Amendment Bill Of Rights

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

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Every day I count one more link in the chain, Mr. Scrooge only knew greed, but money is not my evil, lust, guilt, fear, hate, I need to make a list, but hopefully, I’ll stop with seven, my slave masters. Meant To Be Free

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Lesson 225 ~Meant To Be Free~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, merely disappointed though it’s not your fault, not yet… though I’m sure you’ll have a few disappointments honestly, especially considering what week this is and my you will be busy. If it’s any consolation you are a wanted man, like masters wanted slaves, as comedians need jokes, and by women, as a gay best friend, and for other things, if you thought about one in such a way.

Speaking of thoughts, last week it was all worry, but blood and tribulation, fire and glory, the day of the writing in the sky and all I could do is keep my head down because like some slaves I asked what the hell am I going to do with freedom? I’m trying instead of doing, here I had the damn stage, but all I could hear was laughter; yes I laugh at myself, and I cry, well actually I sleep to keep from crying. What about the women; even if I could keep it in my pants, they wouldn’t want it, and unless you do something about it Wednesday you’re going to be alone again.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 02 No Fap) Okay
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
Partially Complete, Employed But Wrong
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
Failed
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
Failed
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

As you can see, I can’t be free of my demons, but you have to be free of me, so maybe the goal should be, don’t be like me, I imply that every week don’t I? Don’t let freedom scare you, but how hard did I fight to stay a slave, how much ass did I have to kiss, how I caved to everything but know this, your soul is worth more than $10.20 an hour. There are times I don’t think I even have a soul but then I remember that this is Hell and even if you choose to be here, as they say, better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, so don’t be blind Will.

Now this week what are those six impossible things and I know again, this is going to be a busy week, but you’ll do better.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Figure Out HR
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

“dependin’ on me, sometimes we ain’t meant to be free” ― I Am, Jorja Smith

It seems so simple doesn’t it, like dropping a chain, running away, it’s a disease, just like lust, guilt, fear, and now slavery, you might as well be Gus Mancuso from Passengers, every infliction under the sun, I know right?

I’m not expecting a miracle but the keyword this week is “FREEDOM”; four work days right, but one day, I don’t know when just know we’re Meant To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear