Gospel 199 ~Black And Blue Will~

Now I’m sure I talked about my Dæmon last week but what about me? Am I ever so selfish? More like another dreaded S-Word, and of course, there’s another word that might offer some release. Food, Fun, um… Nah. Black and Blue Will

Saturday, January 16, 2021

Gospel 199 ~Black And Blue Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how can that be true when I got eight hours of sleep last night. Even now, my eyes are still red. So um, more excuses? Don’t mind if I do. I would say my mind is in gray fog, but no, I’m crystal clear on what I want. Yet another reason I’m talking to you so late. It’s not COVID as the song goes… “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.” This brings me to the red, white, and blue? How about my STUPIDITY of BLM. Black Lives Matter or Blue Lives Matter, oh duh, am I right?

Now I apologize that Black and Blue doesn’t have the same zing as Black and Yellow. I’m no Wiz Khalifa. It’s hard to make rhymes when my brain is fighting all the time. Of course, sitting on my ass all the livelong day, suppose my brain figured something needed punishment. Now from one head to another. Cherry, a LONG TIME AGO, would have asked why I’m punishing myself. Let’s just say somethings are very blue. This probably explains why I looked up Rei Ayanami earlier (Blue Hair). Blonde, brunette, redhead, EVERYONE!!! Lady Luna, did I mention the latest book I’m reading? I’m trying to be a “good boy,” so I can’t tell you the title. Anyway, it’s by Maximo Montoya. Hell, he’s a saint in comparison to Nakayohi Mogudan. I’m sure I butchered that, but hey, the art has words…

Oh, and you know I can do worse but again, let’s start with my STUPIDITY with flags, Well the color blue, ok Lu. You know I’m in 100% support of Black Lives Matter. Of course, Blue Lives Matter are some racists, so and so’s. In conclusion, the letters match (mind-blown). I hate having to write when I miss something so obvious. Yeah, when I’m writing anything at all. Which at this moment are all the artists I’m going to bankroll. No wonder my belly is like a void. Yeah, I know what hungry is, even starving. $500 of green… However, I remain a greedy SOB. Why am I going to spend coin on my stomach? There are other parts of the anatomy that interest me. Yeah, my poor blues. Hopefully not the Po-Po. I’m not a Trumptard, just a black man. Black And Blue Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 198 ~Will A Medieval Hour…~

Is it the dark ages, the middle ages, the renaissance, the plague era? Somehow or another, I get up to read whenever, but I also want to learn. I’m a father who loves his son as much as Jeffery loves Galen, but what time is it. “Will A Medieval Hour”

Friday, January 15, 2021

Gospel 198 ~Will A Medieval Hour…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should have plenty of time to read. How about listen, listen, hear, and understand. Well, first off, I don’t like listening to books I’ve never read, sorry Audible. Second I can go to sleep to “almost” anything. Yeah, I told myself I should stop reading in bed. At least I’m going to write a short review on this loveseat instead. Hell, what time did I go to sleep last night, and still I couldn’t get up at 4 AM? What did I read again?

Willing Trying A Different Alchemy
All that glitters is not gold. Sometimes it’s a fire in the night sky. It could be both the beautiful and tragic memories of the human mind. Yet it could also be the bedside lamp, the glow of a screen, and the dawn of a new day. A guy has to read when he can, and I’ll try to remember what I can about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. A story of a father’s love for his child mixed in with several tales of that father’s life. Heartbreaking and yet awe-inspiring in one. So why only three stars, hmm?

I enjoyed how the story is told through Jeffery’s eyes from both the current and within flashbacks. There is also a view of the world that has been decaying. All due to the Great De-Evolution which is going on. Look at it as the living dead meets “Me Before You.” Jeffery is a military man that undergoes a tragedy, and really how does anyone get over it. He runs in one direction. While the rest of humankind heads in the other. Besides the ability to get by on his own, he has one more advantage. It’s a tank. So he goes leaving his wife Katherine and the remnants of society.

On a personal level, the relationship between him and his son Galen shook me. My son isn’t a “block,” but he’s got half-blind. Oh, and I have to carry him around sometimes, clean-up after him, feed him, etc.

We see joys and sorrows of Fatherhood and then taking care of an invalid. This novel should make everyone think about what that would be like. Then imagine those invalids are the reason the world is coming to an end. It was too many of them like there were too many smaller stories I’m having trouble remembering now. Jeffery’s mind, the thoughts of his poor boy, will stick, though. Willing Trying A Different Alchemy.

Reading Will A Medieval Hour

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Things I can tell my dog and not myself *AHEM* I love you. That’s why hurting myself is nothing, but it’s all panic mode when something is wrong with him. He’s my heart, but what else is there. Money, friends, women? Love Is The Ultimate Torture

Monday, January 11, 2021

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Hundred And Seventhly Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while in Idiocracy, “I like money,” understand “I love money.” Of course, I afforded myself a huge nap this afternoon, and here we are. So either I love my sleep, or I’m not exactly in a lovey-dovey mood. Love hurts, sometimes… There are so many places I can take that. But as always, I’m trying to be a good boy. Speaking of which, that’s the only time I mention love these days when talking to my Dæmon. I didn’t listen to my motivations today, but my son is always my WHY.

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” That tune is pretty dated. Now, to be honest, it’s one of the reasons I avoided Daily Wellness and motivations. Spotify is bonkers with that old school stuff blasting repeatedly. I’m supposed to speak about my firstborn, trying. Funny, this morning, I was reading again about Jeffery and his boy Galen. How he’s failing as a father, but he loves his kid and failed him. Galen never reacts being a “Block” and all but my son… I look at his furry face and the idea, this hurts me more than it hurts you…

It’s bullshit Madam Justice. I know he’s pained, playing pretend, praying. Better than most women. Okay, this is where the rubber meets blacktop SIGH. Once again, I have to stay on the up and up. I’m not in love with any particular girl at the moment. I’d be worse. The things I say when I’m attracted have nothing on what’s in my heart. Only the words “I Love You” wreck any of my wit. Better to remain silent. It’s again a reason we talk like this, Madam Justice. But my Pinterest boards are starting to regain my usually troubling flair.

My heart, though, remains in a cage. I can tell you truthfully that no, I don’t love myself. Yet, I love freedom. That’s why I keep my secrets, unlike the Trumptards going to jail. Money is still fantastic, so I haven’t been “helping out” Alice Little. Lost her court battle. Addiction pains me every day. Only I’m not spending anything on a fix, yet… Jul3DArt, Love Wolf, QOC, Ero3dLight. I wouldn’t advise looking those up. I want to love the man I’ll be, the woman I’ll have, and the Dæmons siblings. To love me now… Love Is The Ultimate Torture.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 192 ~Will Seconds That Emotion~

My firstborn is good, or at least the vet didn’t say anything and handed me more of his meds. My second Saturday of the new year starts off like the others, nuclear pop and me being lazy. Will Seconds That Emotion, but I’m usually DEAD last

Saturday, January 9, 2021

Gospel 192 ~Will Seconds That Emotion~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I bet that still wouldn’t be enough. No, I wouldn’t convince Spotify about how much I like or, let’s say, am annoyed at Old School Soul. Considering I looked up Smokey Robinson right now, I’m not helping my case. As if I would do anything to help myself? Didn’t I say when it comes to caring about me, “I rather stay home in bed?” The Day Job, the Dæmon, or the “daddy” (take that however you like). I’m always wide awake and raring to go. I always come second, Lu.

Now “a second” isn’t always a bad thing. Only people think I’m STUPID, SLOW, or I SUCK because I need a few dozen. That is when it comes to me. Hell, I want to go all Rod Stewart and scream, “Do Ya Think I’m (you know). I’m a discombobulated Elliot Moore. My second, of course, isn’t a wifey like Alma Moore. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve now turned to 2008’s “The Happening.” Anyway, my second is my Dæmon. As he lies here nestled against my legs, I wonder how he puts up with me at all. SIGH, senior years. Seconds tick by, and what am I doing with them besides sitting here. Again I was up so early yesterday to make sure the Imp got to the vet. Doesn’t matter how long I sleep. It’s as if I never rest. I rather become Tony Stark than Elliot Moore. Um yeah, he had Pepper Potts.

Trump’s seconds haven’t been “decent” people until recently. Pence, I mean damn, and I’m trying so hard only to say her name… Stormy Daniels. In their own times, they might have staved off the apocalypse. How did I become the leader of a billion fans/men? In my continuing efforts to not put black women second. Or not listen to another rich white guy. I can say I feel a bit like Iris Bennet. Ok, maybe I have a type, and yes, you should invest in Pop Culture quips. Again um, I put everyone first, and I ain’t even second here. I’m last when it comes to the artist’s work I want to buy this morning, for what purpose hmm. Last, as I see the stores empty out. Why is that?

Wish I could say I was Dauntless or Abnegation. I’m Factionless. Will Seconds That Emotion

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~

If only my own thoughts were as thorough as my book reviews. Oh wait, what time did I get up this morning? Yeah, my Dæmon has a vet appointment. Plus, I’ve been reading and watching my country go to Hell. The Island Will What

Friday, January 8, 2021

Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and once again, I’m going to buy the best bed ever. Yep seeing as how I work from it all the time, and Hell, I know I shouldn’t. My island… speaking of which I owe a book review, so I’ll try.

THEY say no man is an island. From many a story of any man or an island, it rarely works out well. And whatever you do, don’t put said man and a pretty girl on said island. You won’t find a love story in Gary Paulsen’s work of The Island. Okay, maybe a tiny one. Yep between Our protagonist Wil, and Susan but that’s left somewhat up in the air. I find the author to find love in nature and learning. A young man… SIGH teenager all by his lonesome explains why this remains a favorite of mine even now.

Wil Neuton, a “typical” teen at 15, moves out to the boonies with his family and finds an island. No real complexity, and at the same time, one of those you have to see it or read it to believe it. It’s one of those moments of self-discovery every teen goes through, minus the good fortune of avoiding outside influences. Wil has the middle of nowhere to figure things out, but things can’t ever be thus. It wouldn’t be much of a story, cut to farm girl Susan, scared parents, a bully. There’s no outrunning life, but this book helps.

Now It’s rare for me, at least, to read a book that I relate to in such ways. Hell, I lived parts of this story. Most of it, I had no choice… “school” sucks, I know. Again everyone goes through this period at some point. Then yeah, “pretty, pretty, girls.”

The novel is full-on believable. Not the, oh, I’m suddenly a guru portion but the idea of coming into one’s own. The fact that thinking in new ways can terrify people, especially those closest to you. The whole somewhat romance being pushed to the side. If anything, I only didn’t like the tale sort of being left up in the air. I guess I got spoiled by the author’s “Hatchet” series, which I still haven’t read the last one. I’m 36. Where does the time go? The moon and stars, the basement, ha. But Five Stars, The Island Will What…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

The first Monday of the new year. Same job, redundant emotions. And with my “Republican Tendencies” leftover feelings of hate for humankind. It took me a while to calm down after my cray day. Good thing I started this Sunday. Panic Does Not Serve You

Monday, January 04, 2021

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

Hundred And Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and in other things, I wish I knew. How about being scared to death. I’m terrified, now seeing how I’m coming on or off (with time) another lousy shift. It’s still Sunday, but speaking to Lady Lu, I wanted to take my son to the vet. As I told the Man in the Mirror, it was a night of puppy cries and puke in my bed. He’s had some good hours, no vomit, no cries. Making up for lost time. It seems Madam Justice this year has started off with confessions and another. I saved some money.

Do you remember when I was pissed at Serra Hyundai about wanting another $500? Hell, I still am, but as I was driving away after saying no, I was frightened. Spent the whole ride listening to “Sixteen Tons,” “Working in a Coal Mine,” and “We Will Go Home” for real. Speaking of which, the “Song of Exile.”It’s at the forefront of my mind whenever I head to the Day Job. I carry a plastic bag and a Sprite in my backpack. Yes, I might puke when I get out of the car to start the day. Even now, I’m shaking knowing the coming week. Right this second, I panicked when a friend was a bit upset with me about my views on Trump. I know Madam Justice, it didn’t take long, and here we are, day three or four into the brand New Year SIGH.

Speaking of “Republican Tendencies,” why is it again that I feel that money will solve my problems. Because I would be “Takin’ Care of Business.” I hear my first playlist this year. It doesn’t change the fact with the right amount of money, well who knows, hmm. I do. Last night while fighting addiction, I thought, would “Capital A” forgive me for wanting? Well, what a boy wants. With enough, I would make Target, Serra Hyundai, and the “Day Job” AHEM “quake with fear” or panic. Maybe funding other businesses. How about my panic? What’s the cure there? Again something I can’s share and can’t do anymore but twenty minutes, where am I, in bed. There’s also my Anger and Rage. Please don’t make me quote Yoda. Nowadays, I’m focused on how old I am.

Time is on my side, well no, so yeah, yikes… Panic Does Not Serve You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 185 ~Here I Am, Will~

Saturday, January 2, 2021

Gospel 185 ~Here I Am, Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This is me, the man I want to be. Sorry for talking to you so late… 6:55 PM. Where does the time go? Indeed, where does “The Will” go. To be honest, it started this morning. I contemplated looking good for my TWD Guild or sleep. People always have a way of making you more… Accountable? As much as I brag about my Republican tendencies, turning my back on all humankind is not my strong suit. Neither is leaving my Dæmon hurting, but we’ll get to that this evening, I hope.

Next to him is my work, my writing, my will be done. So how about this new year. Yep, it’s time to make some New Year’s Resolutions. I did think about waiting till tomorrow, talking to the man in the mirror as it were. Yet, at this rate, who knows where I’ll be. Better, let’s see if anything has changed.

  1. I AM Seeing My Dæmon Through Another Year
    Completed (2020)
  2. I AM Writing A New York Times Bestseller
    Failed
  3. I AM Making One Million Dollars
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing 400 Words Everyday (Goal 120,000)
    Completed (2020)
  5. I AM Visiting The Moonlite Bunny Ranch
    Failed
  6. I AM Beginning To Make Investments
    Failed
  7. I AM Producing An Adult Film For Sale
    Failed
  8. I AM Participating In NaNoWriMo
    Completed (2020)
  9. I AM In A Relationship or Sleeping With A Girl At Least Once A Month
    Failed
  10. I AM Becoming Free Of Parental Oversight (Rockford, Grandma, The Car, etc.)
    Partial Completion
  11. I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life
    Failed
  12. I AM Starting Work On Life Goals “Episode 345 ~You Got Will’s Number~.”
    Failed
  13. I AM Fearless Now
    Failed

Yes, Lady Lu, this list still applies, and as you can see, I only completed 1,4 and 8. At this particular moment, it’s #1 that worries me. Tomorrow I’m going to have to get the Imp checked-out. I don’t know what’s wrong but sometimes being here ain’t enough. I told myself again I wouldn’t be writing to you so late. It’s like how the holy-rollers say the spirit is willing, but the flesh SIGH. Last year, huh, a “Sucker For Pain.” A lady at the Day Job told me I looked skinnier. I’m here, “now fight” Sucker Punch, yeah. Here I Am, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 184 ~A Few Words Will~

Happy New Year, but I’m still me, tend to ramble on too often, follow many writing rules nobody does, and confuse as all Hell. Of course, you know my views on the word Happy, but I am trying; it’s only one word. A Few Words Will.

Friday, January 1, 2021

Gospel 184 ~A Few Words Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, should become “I AM Happy right now.” Brevity is the soul of wit and all that. Still, I have to write four hundred words. Okay (takes a deep breath) Happy New Year, Lady Sophia. As the song goes, “Just Got Paid,” I’m working on downloads, and I found my favorite book in Kindle form. How’s that for gratitude starting today, right?

Now you’re saying I’m not sounding like myself. A talk with Lady Lu will clear that up. Let’s say that I’m trying something new and leave it at that. Of course, speaking, AHEM, it gets easier, I know it. No, um, I got to be me, and I literally need some air, but I tried. Lady Sophia, do you remember that movie, “The Pagemaster?” The way Macaulay Culkin had the three books? They were characters, Adventure, Fantasy, and Horror. I’ve seen this done in various ways and even in my writing, um, Gospel 170 Will Rings The Belle. So for a brief second there, I was thinking about giving in to one emotion, which was “Happy.” Yeah, no, Now I wasn’t joking about replacing the Billionaire shtick. That’s if I remember to. If I do have a billion, and by the end of my blogging year, I should get busy.

Speaking of which ha, my New Year’s Resolutions. Yesterday I brought up Log 188 Bold, Willing, And Able. Number eleven on that list was “I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life.” I got a bit carried away, new year trying to ONLY be positive… Newspeak. Honestly, My Lady, I was beginning to feel like Alaria when Ian wanted to change her. Or when Veil told Sunny that we are slaves to our nature, something to that effect. While I was caught up not reading the novel I purchased, I saw this quote from my downloads.

“A man chooses, a slave obeys.” Andrew Ryan – Bioshock

Well, this morning, I chose to put myself to the hazard of reading twenty-five books this year. No wonder I decided to go with something safe. The thing is, “safe” is only one more word. Should I have gone “crazy” and fired my gun like all the other people yesterday?

The word I focused on last night after finishing my final book of the year was happy. You know that word, and I don’t get along. But one little word, yep, A Few Words Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

I’m sensing a pattern when it comes to my body these rules. Today is more like what I allow into my mind, heart, and soul. I do plenty to protect my eyes, and I always have my earphones in, and why is that. “Don’t Be Fated To Lies,” I can’t hear you.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

Hundred And Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not a lie. In a way, I look at it as having less than $20.00 in the bank. The money is there, only I can’t access it yet. I could tell you what’s in my closet right now. Let’s say that I’m missing a few essential parts; that’s all, ha. However, I have never been one for the philosophy of AHEM, “Fake it till you make it.” On the other side of the coin, why believe that I’m doomed when it comes to going to work? Worse is walking around like Faith Seed. “I know you’ve heard stories about me.”

As always (sigh), I want to apologize for being so down, but that’s the thing. The new year is almost here, and for right now, there’s no story to tell. Now I could say that’s because of time-travel. It’s still the 27th… this week will be hard. My parents didn’t tell stories. To be fair, I would choose nothingness over the things they say at the Day Job. Say it with me, Madam Justice “Humiliations Galore.” How many fights have I had with one of my managers “silently.” Will didn’t say that. Now he wishes you would shut the fuck-up. My little Dæmon sits here without a word, yet I know I could be a better dad. So what I carry him downstairs. I pay for his heart medication, and he convinced me to give him hot dogs along with treats. He sleeps in my bed nightly. Yeah, I’m a pretty crappy father, aren’t I?

I won’t lie to you, Madam Justice. “Lies of Omission?” Okay, yes, but the things that make me feel Muy Bueno, like a million bucks or even blissful. Remind me to shop Amazon for a new outfit. Anyway, those things people say are BAD. Those people, I believe, are liars. At least that’s what I want to speak. With my OLDS, I want to say that I do exist. They would fire back, “yeah, your name is on these bills.” I sound like an ungrateful bastard, don’t I? Pardon my French this afternoon. More importantly, pardon their lies about me. I should now have this conversation with the man in the mirror. His lies are the hardest because he goes out and listens to everyone. The Devil Is A Lie. Don’t Be Fated To Lies.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 178 ~Willing A Plan B~

A quiet Christmas and a quieter day after. Someday excuse me one day; I hope they’ll be some bleeps and bloops around the house. Maybe my kids might play outside as I did, or they’ll be reading and yell at authors. “Willing A Plan B.” Plan A’s better

Saturday, December 26, 2020

Gospel 178 ~Willing A Plan B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I’ve been planning for a while. Okay, so one sentence before the bad this morning. Well, it can’t be any uglier than the stuff going on in the country, right? My one big gripe about today is I meant to wake up earlier, ha. Plenty of motivations say things like, you have to make a plan, set goals, let’s not talk about dreaming. My Dæmon and I do far too much of that—neither one of us imagining sugarplums dancing in our heads. Now I’m going to have to look up a sugarplum; wow.

Yesterday wasn’t so much, but I’m going to tell the whole truth. My only real plan for Christmas Day was waking up at 7:00 AM.

Say it with me, Fiddler on the Roof fans (ahem) TRADITION!!! I also made cooked shrimp and baked potato for dinner. I’ll cook steak someday.

This brings me to my point but let’s continue with the Christmas recap. I talked to Lady Sophia, who has inspired me to write, SIGH “Happy.” I’m not talking a full story, somewhere around 7500 words. It could also be the ongoing Christmas novel reading. Of course, I took a nap; went shopping at Amazon for Indiana Gone and the Dæmon. You know my favorite TWO. I caught Ragnar the Terrible in Far Cry 5. Um, I got back into watching “Into The Badlands.” When I was young, I planned on being a Kung-Fu Master.

Again my point. I want to become some legendary writer, and I should read, of course. Still, I can’t get it up to write a happy story. Hell, I love zombies but won’t write a new intro for The Walking Dead guild. Now I talk to you and the girls daily, but I’m sitting in bed. Yeah, Plan B is I’m going to be unloading trucks for the rest of my life. It makes me think of what Will Smith said that having a Plan B distracts from Plan A.

Our Founding Fathers to Rick Grimes, and Marcus “DBH.” Liberty, Victory, Freedom, or Death. Hemingway said to write the truest sentence. The Beatles sang about taking a sad song and making it better. Is it a coincidence that the story I’m reading now has a Jude? Yeah, but I’ve written so much sadness to downright evil. A Tale of Innocence?

“Happy,” Willing A Plan B.

I Will Have No Fear