Gospel 117 ~Choose The Truth Over Possible~

Another depressing day, yep, it’s Monday. The truth is I’ve wasted today. While anything is possible, like me doing more… Of course I won’t, and why is that? The Walking Dead on my phone, good friends, or being lazy. “Choose The Truth Over Possible”

Monday, October 26, 2020

Gospel 117 ~Choose The Truth Over Possible~

Hundred And Fifty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so words like impossible shouldn’t even be in my vocabulary. Of course, it’s always staring me in the face come Sunday. This morning was the perfect example. The time I needed to get up, vs. the time I actually got up. Forty minutes early ain’t much, but it’s a start. To think I once made it a habit to wake up an hour and a half before my alarm; to read. While I ain’t accomplishing much, I have been reading 15% daily of whatever novel. So the question is, do I still believe in this rule?

“To the edge of the universe and back, endure and survive.” – The Last of Us

One of my motivations says, stop thinking about what you can get away with. Instead, you should ask yourself how much can you bear. At this moment, I’m tired, but I will go on. I should rest, but it’s possible to keep going and why? All the things I can’t talk about. As the song goes, Almost Doesn’t Count. The truth is, I could have finished Far Cry 5, Heavy Rain, even This War of Mine. So why didn’t I? I did say before there are so many endings? Hell, sounds like one of my novels, but we’re not there Justice. Entertainment value and everything else. Am I not entertained? Now the truth is pretty dark. No, I’m not entertained in this life, and if I wanted to… No, the possible is I could be a great man, only a man.

I will forever be a traditionalist, a realist. Yes, I keep the truth from some people, but that doesn’t mean I have not accepted it. Still, I dare to dream for more; faith, hope, and love. Yes, I could be sleeping, but I woke up early, and I’m sitting here talking to you right now. I don’t have to do NaNoWriMo. The truth is I don’t want to because I’ll be tired and stressed. Every time I finish it, there is no great victory, only the mountain climbed and no way to get down. Editing sucks, Madam Justice, so I simply refuse to attempt it. However, what am I doing with GULP then? Will I even get to it today? The truth is no, but it’s there, and it’s possible.

Who am I, Les Brown saying It’s Possible. So my question, believing the rule is an act of 1984 “Doublethink.”

Choose The Truth Over Possible.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

The good news is I’ve been writing indistinguishable crap, and that’s when I’ve been writing at all. Apparently, I’m on some mad quest to remain “Family Friendly,” except on Thursdays. NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, so… Wrongs Wills To Write.

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and no, I’m not dying anytime soon. Aren’t I dead already, considering what time we find ourselves here, 8:45 AM. I was on time at 4:00 AM. I didn’t have the WILL to rise. Dreaming left me so um, well discombobulated.

What was I dreaming about, you ask? You know I can’t tell you that. No comment until Thursday and by that day? The thing is, even in the dream, my mind knew that it was wrong. Geez, 1984, much? How about that movie, Fortress (1992)? Yet again, I can’t say. That brings me to today’s point, which will also have me sounding like a broken record. IMPOSSIBLE, IMMORAL, ILLEGAL! Only I did say nothing is impossible, or at least my Six Impossible Things. Only I’m not writing my book or anything else for real. Of course, my next novel will be typed, and that’s because I want a new T-Shirt. Hell, I’ll have to pay for it anyway. Still, when it comes to NaNoWriMo, I want to imagine that I EARNED it for doing something.

Like most of the things I create, it’s not like I’m eager to see it again. I’m worried I might lose my progress. One more reason I’m late this morning, my visions, my plots, and all my non-edited works. I’m starting to think that’s why I’m staying so um Family-Friendly.
I’m stopped from writing anything at all because, again, none of it is right. As I said yesterday, I would begin reading another A.J. Markam title. Ok, if other authors, artists, are somehow authorized to do it, why can’t I? An African-American man in America? You know how I’ve been saying, I have to stop listening to old white men, especially the two on stage? Even my music is under attack, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, Kanye West. No sign of Indiana Gone, but we’re still friends. Then all the others…

I don’t want to write anything offhand, off-topic, or offensive. No wonder my last conversations have been all over the place. Can’t talk about the songs I like, the books, or reasons for certain movies. Of course, there are plenty of worst things like Trump winning again, coming from M. Anime. What’s one good thing I can write about? Lady Lu, I’m grateful, but everything ties back into the bad. The Wrong Wills To Write.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 114 ~Willing The Story’s End~

There was a time I would read with a former friend of mine, and she would absolutely refuse to read the next book in the series. Or something else from the author because she liked the first ending. “Willing The Story’s End.”

Friday, Oct 23, 2020

Gospel 114 ~Willing The Story’s End~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I must want to live forever. Well, considering I told my “Olds” no to early voting means I could have signed my death warrant. Once again, Lady Sophia, I’m voting on Nov 3, but will I be around to tell whoever that I did so?

You know that I don’t like anyone on the ballot, to be honest. I despise MAGA hats. On top of all that SIGH, I hate my “father’s” name appearing on the phone. How about wasting time seeing where he and my mother were going? Day ruined, and it’s 9:00 am. What else do I hate reading? Besides his name and the time. I give you this Lady Sophia, “Lord of the Flies,” and “The Moonstone.” Two books I couldn’t get through the first 50 pages. Does that mean I’m STUPID, that BORED? Would the ENDINGS be worth all of it? Even in my novel, I still mourn the deaths of a family. In the second, I grieve for a dead girl and an upcoming marriage. Despite everything, I always figured I wanted to be in love and be a family man. Only that wasn’t the story’s end in any form.

So why all the talk of endings I don’t want to see? I guess it starts with last night. Being the loser I am, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a midnight “Drive.” Yeah, right, it was 7:00 pm before the debate. Anyway, I was scared you’d be reading I got smashed up good. What would M. Anime think about that? I haven’t talked to Indiana Gone forever. Still, being a married, social working college student doesn’t give much time to gab. If anything, I’m only hoping that I don’t scare M. Anime off. I’ve known her longer. However, I wish Eric Vall’s book was a bit longer, but he’s written a series of about 17 of them and even more titles. Of course, Sunday, GULP will still sit unpublished. What about all of my other series waiting?

I don’t fear failure Lady Sophia; I fear the endings. The last one I ever witnessed was Detroit: Become Human, and how many ends does that have again? Hell being a writer, means that I want to be immortal. Eternal, “Always and Forever,” a song.

You and me, um three hours. Willing The Story’s End

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 110 ~I’m Will, There’s A Way~

I didn’t mean to be so depressing today but starting yesterday evening. I looked at where I was in my life, and everything I’ve ever wanted seems so far away. Looking back, seeing a way forward, I’m Will, There’s A Way. Hopefully.

Monday, October 19, 2020

Gospel 110 ~ I’m Will, There’s A Way~

Hundred And Fifty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and of course, it seems like fate, chance, destiny. At least that’s what I was thinking about Sunday night as I asked myself, what have I become. How about at 2:30 AM, my alarm. There’s also 4:30 PM; the day was wasted. Madam Justice, I’m thirty-six, and if you asked me where I saw myself. Well, let’s say that my depression is back with a vengeance. I scorched the dining room table on the grounds of being somewhat responsible. Is that what it is? Now I looked on YouTube for some quick-fix.

Anyway, yesterday I was talking about the Six Impossible Things that aren’t. Hell, the “Big I” is simply the “Grand L.” Yeah, ask me where I’ve been besides gorging on bite-sized shrimp and reading. As I said, I scorched the table, but eating, reading, sleeping. You know I don’t even carry my laptop into my bedroom anymore because I would never leave. I keep the smartphone on the drawers, so I have to walk over and shut it off. Doesn’t matter anyway; I go right back to sleep always. My greatest victory, I can’t even explain. Stupidity, I’m still on my “Family-Friendly” lark. I can’t tell you about what I’m reading or how hard I’m fighting. There’s no way because being Will isn’t allowed. Do I blame Pinterest again? Yes, I still have it but locked all the way from any prying eyes right now.

I am such a broken record Madam Justice. My motivations say you have to know your reason and what. Add to that why and how. Now I won’t bother with the what because you’ve heard it all before, and once again, I can’t speak of it. Being Jacob or Ian? Fortunately, my why is the most innocent looking Dæmon, my Imp, lying next to me. Besides you, Madam Justice, the only woman it’s safe to talk about is my Mother. I want her to be alright and if I can help. Also, I never want to be a comedian. Motivationally speaking, how can I accomplish all this? Reading and writing. Only when’s the last time I have written anything besides our conversations. How long did it take me to write my previous book review, hmm?

THEY don’t get me, I don’t accept me, like the song, Something In The Way. I’m Will, There’s A Way.

“Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi.

I will either find a way or make one.”
― Kendall Ryan, Unravel Me

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which would mean I even have a choice in the matter. As always, seeing how we’re talking so late… 10:15 AM, I chose to sleep in. You don’t even want to know what got me out of bed. Yep “Family-Friendly,” remember?

To be as clear as my head is right now, SIGH. I was up early to read, but I can’t speak of it as I keep saying. The thing is I want to talk about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam. Hell, I even want to talk about my writing. God knows I will when I’m at the Day Job humiliated. Lady Luna, it is by far more acceptable to speak of glorious demon battles. The universal struggle of good vs. evil. I can tell you of a man that wields both the powers of the demonic and the divine. Luther Vandross sang of “the greatest power of them all” however… Every day, as a matter of fact, “Here And Now,” aren’t I living the dream? I’m writing, I have a cup of tea which I’ll get to soon. For the record, my current reading reminds me of W. Anton.

As the world burns all around us outside, in the house, I’m freezing. One more reason, it was hard to get up this morning. I’m fortunate to have My Dæmon, the firstborn, a little “Imp,” to try and keep me warm. Which name do you like? Thank the authors for Imp. Curiouser and Curiouser! You wonder why I’m not turning on the heat. The moment I do, I’ll be burning up, and this cold snap won’t last. I should start checking on the car while I have the time to. I have to go to the Day Job. If only to keep my anger and fear. None of my emotions are useful when it comes to being warm. “Hot N Cold,” am I right? I’m quite eclectic, from Luther Vandross to Katy Perry wow. You know my current theme has been to stop listening to old white guys. What about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam, hmm?

I can’t say I see most of myself wrapped up in the sheets, lying in the sun. The Imp is around here searching for comfy spots. He’ll follow for hot wings, or so I tell myself before resetting the Wi-Fi. Yet, HELLo Will Won’t Go.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 107 ~Read Dead Redemption Will~

Another week, one more book read the same subject but a different author. All I can ask is, when did I get into monsters? I guess it explains how I got inspired by Adam and his “first wife,” and I don’t mean Eve *hint*. Read Dead Redemption Will

Friday, October 16, 2020

Gospel 107 ~Read Dead Redemption Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I’ll own a vineyard someday. The thing is, Lady Sophia, I don’t even drink. Now sure I have my addictions, you know the one I’m fighting. I sleep far too much for my liking. When I was a child, it was only reading. Hell, this morning, I finished another Eric Vall title. You know I’m trying to stay “Family-Friendly,” so if you look up his name, that’s your fault. I’m also heavy into A.J. Markham. That’s about 11 bucks spent on the third book of both of their series, and that’s only today.

So why aren’t I doing more reading; that leads me to the revelation I had earlier. Upon finishing my latest book, I decided to brag on Goodreads. I had around 45 emails, and I told myself I’m only going to sign in on Goodreads. Yeah, I’ll also drop some money on Amazon and pick out new books. Sorry A.J. um Eric won this round. Only if I got an email, I would delete 5. It took me over 4 hours because I kept getting messages. It’s not that I’m not reading Lady Sophia; it’s that I’m reading honestly ungodly amounts. Excuses again, I hear you, My Lady. Those are the only things I write nowadays, like promising I’m only going to take a 10-minute nap at 12:50 PM. Here we are 3 hours later. What is with all the numbers?

Anyway, now you can see why I missed Pinterest so much. While I was in the process of waking up, I did start another board for writing. Yes, you best believe I locked it down. So my work for NaNoWriMo come November will be about fruit. That’s all I’m allowed to share with you and the present time. To be fair, I don’t have a title for it, but maybe when I get the twenty chapters down, I’ll have some ideas. Each chapter will feature fruit in the name, hopefully. Okay, so without further ado:

She’s My Cherry Pie
Cherry-pick
Life is a bowl of cherries
Cherry Condition
Cherry Bomb

Peaches and Cream
Big Melons
Lemons
Go Bananas
Second Bananas

Apples and Oranges
Apple Of My Eye
American As Apple Pie
Bad Apple
Apple Never Falls Far From The Tree

Plum Assignment
Grapes Of Wrath
Strawberry Fields Forever
Forbidden Fruit
In The Garden Of Eden

Well, I still don’t have a proper title. And this was a lot harder than it looks, but I did have fun doing it. Except I’m looking forward to WWE. I have to write a new intro for the guild that I’m now in charge of. How about how badly I’m being beaten in Call me a LEGEND? Is it still so strange that all I want to do is close my eyes? Aren’t there more important things that aren’t related to me? No Lady Sophia, you won’t be reading my obituary any time soon but Read Dead Redemption Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 103 ~Grief Tastes Like The Ocean~

I’ve been trying to drink two bottles of water a day, which still ain’t much but it beats turning all Kel Mitchell with orange soda. I actually like root beer and root beer floats, yum. “Grief Tastes Like The Ocean,” but I’m not sad, yet…

Monday, October 12, 2020

Gospel 103 ~Grief Tastes Like The Ocean~

Hundred And Fifty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be sad? Um, I’m also a black man living in the USA. It’s not like I blame mom’s cooking or anything. Yep, she was the first one to tell me not to use so much salt. Was I the only one dipping his digits in the seasoning hm? To tell you the truth Madam Justice, I’m not sad today but angry. Yet again, I wasted the day away, when we could have already had this talk. You know why I’m always so exhausted? It’s so I have the chance to cry when I yawn. Barring blood, other secretions.

Blood is salty, but I’m in no rush to spill it. I’m a writer, not a vampire, but either way, I’m a monster. Not to mock such greatness as Johnston Green… Come on, man! He was the mayor of Jericho. How about The Instructor in The Animatrix? The Operative? Entertainment, my dear Madam Justice? Again we have Jericho, a nod to The Second Renaissance and Serenity (2005). Here is my reasoning, they all spilled blood and showed remorse in having to do so. There was no time for tears but the taste of blood, always.

Interestingly enough, that’s how I see myself as an author. Haven’t I been complaining that I have no time? Come November, and with that NaNoWriMo, all my time will be spent on words. In those, I will grieve Madam Justice.

Why do you think all of my stories end up on a “specific” subject? You know what else take like salt… sweat. Of course, you know the word I want to say, but I’m “trying” to be good. Hell, how do you think I got out of bed, only I haven’t broken, thank goodness. Anyway, I don’t even like killing characters in my books. Take “The Eve of a Cherry” as an example. The first book was to know what he was losing, the second “For A Fine Cherry Spread” was acknowledgment. The third will be acceptance of the loss.

I cry for characters in books, and yes, there’s also anger. Before my inopportune nap, I read Eric Vall, and that was… something. As the song goes, “Tell me something good.” Because if I started crying about my real life, I might never ever stop. The taste is too much!!!

Grief Tastes Like The Ocean.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

I suppose I should be grateful for yet another opportunity to change. As much s I would like to admit I had plans for today, cut to Pinterest and a bout of sickness. Over one and not the other. Can you guess? Reinventing The Will SIGH.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so add doctors to the list. Here I was shaking about the Coronavirus (COVID-19), but where have I spent the last few hours? Well, yeah, in bed, sleeping until 10 AM, but I should have enjoyed it. Let’s say for now God bless Sprite, which I always keep on hand. How sick was I? It all started when I took a little trip down to Pinterest way. A new email, a new Pinterest home, and the same mistakes. The only thing that keeps me 100% fearful is my “father.” He was doing a favor, killing me.

Woah! I hear you, Lady Lu, and I’m not getting into any Halloween celebrations quite yet. What I mean is, as the song goes, you “Make Me Wanna Die.” I’m not suicidal, but back then, every single time, it was because of him. Didn’t want his progeny living in fear. Speaking of which, before I screwed up this afternoon, I was running away from my phone. Now of all the terrors it holds, friendship shouldn’t be one. Oh baby, I love you, just leave me the (blank) alone. I swear with such and such texting me I’ll write a book. Only my stomach knew I had no such designs, and when I know I’m doing something wrong, it’s all “Down With The Sickness.” I swear I felt like crying, and I’ve been getting many of these days over and over.

My dreams aren’t exactly helping. I told M Anime that they serve as messages. So my “father” a million texts, and an upset stomach, but now visions. Yes, Lady Lu, I still see myself as a young man. Well, me and My Dæmon wise. Even he was worried about me. Anyway, while dreaming, I saw a Latino man sliding down a slip n’ slide or a waterslide. Trash was on both sides, and he was scared, but he kept sliding without any real control. Hell, I wish I could tell you more, but again I’m trying to be good. So why am I on Pinterest? I see the signs. And not only in my head Lady Lu. I’m wasting too much time on nothing. You know, maybe that’s it, something fun, but it’s all garbage. What about the character, hmm?

As always, I have to be better, but again I’m trying. Reinventing The Will SIGH

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 100 ~A Will Good Read~

One more week down and one more book read, not that I will change the challenge to fifteen. I don’t have that sort of faith but shouldn’t I read at least four “Holiday” stories, and NaNoWriMo is in November. “A Will Good Read,” someday

Friday, October 9, 2020

Gospel 100 ~A Will Good Read~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and “If You Don’t Know Me by Now,” I’m building a library. Now why I don’t care much for The Twilight Zone’s – Time Enough at Last (hits too close to home). What wouldn’t I give for all the time in the world to read AND write? Yeah, and what have I been doing for the last few hours again? Hell, I should note Eric Thomas’s words of giving up sleep. At least I woke up to good news. Geez, how I have missed Skybound’s compilations.

It’s a fitting reward for finishing the novel of the week. Now you know I can’t talk about it because it ain’t Thursday. Yet the ending was satisfying enough that I might turn back to Eric Vall’s works. Speaking of things I’m not finishing. Yes, so many different series and so little time. I wish I could tell you the name of my next prominent character. NaNoWriMo begins next month, and I’m no closer to finishing GULP this week. Hell, I did spend one whole night reading through a novel, Wake Me Up Before I Kill You. Yep, that’s what they call foreshadowing. Yes, My Lady, I noticed I’ve used “Hell” twice, but what can I say, it’s one of my favorite words. I’ve got a list of my most hated words, so why not my favorites. I’ve been saying I’m going to get a brand new Pinterest. Only I won’t use any of my words there, like never ever.

I’ve been much too busy reading My Dæmon’s medications and his new food. I’m talking vittles that look pretty good… not that I’m doing a taste test or anything. Only one more reason I’m late today. I went to two BBQ joints, and that Piggie Potato sent me to sleep. So what, did I come into some money? I’m afraid not, but I did work on an off day as if I “resurrected my cashflow.” I promise one of these days, you are going to get all my pop culture references. If I ever publish a book, I’ll be able to contact these celebrity people. “The beautiful people, the beautiful people,” as the song goes. Okay, so going back to my book. Dr. Sarah Annora Haven is covering up the fact that she murdered Deanna. When Father Bridgman should have.

What, the stories over already… it’s A Will Good Read.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

People crying for money, laughing at me, and I’m sure some Trump supporters are out of relief. Sometimes I feel like tearing up, but there is something else coming out of my eyes, and that’s fear of uncertainty. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds

Monday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

Hundred And Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to get medical care like Trump. I’ll never have to hear that humming in the house ever again (yes, it has returned). How about we finish our conversation before wrestling comes on. I’m about to start sounding like Georgina from the movie Get Out. I don’t have the plague, Madam Justice. My nose is acting kind of funny, that’s all. Damn, that humming ended, I don’t know when and has started back today. We’ll still be talking when it’s time for WWE.

Now, Madam Justice, you know how I talk about FEAR, but doubt is a relative. Hell, let’s talk about the Day Job’s humiliation. I tried hanging up those doggy sweaters, got scared, and left them. So yeah, the new guy put them up no problem, and I looked SIGH, STUPID. When I came back to the house, I was all in reading the latest novel, and knowing me, all I wanted to do was fall asleep. Not because it’s terrible, but that’s what I do? Am I tired? I have another word for it, Madam Justice. If anything, I’m damn lazy, slothful, good for nothing. What about my OCD over everything? Oh, I do mean everything. I had a plan this afternoon that got spoiled because some lady was outside Walmart, begging for money. Afterward, I’m sitting there doubting I have cash for ranch wings.

That’s why I’m sitting on the sofa, lying in bed, hell, staring at my phone in a parked car. It’s like floating, you know. Madam Justice, I can’t swim, and I literally can’t float in a pool. Only when I’m right here, in bed, or a zombie, I’m keeping my head above water just so. Every day I’m fighting like crazy and then wonder why I’m going mad with a straight face. I read about this torture, where a drop of water to the temple continuously will get that result. Yet I continue to sit or lie, and I keep breathing, but how much longer? I don’t mean to sound so dark. Notice what I’m not talking about… I have such a good joke, but no. I doubt my resolve, along with everything else in my life. Has the humming stopped, or have I stopped worrying about it right now?

Sweat, blood, tears, sloppy writing. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds.

I Will Have No Fear