Gospel 052 ~A Loss For Will~

All my life, I have listened to people with nothing to say. So when I do ask for an explanation, they’ve got nothing. Hell nowadays, I don’t have much, but I refused to beg for once. A Loss For Will, maybe

Saturday, August 22, 2020

Gospel 052 ~A Loss For Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’d be wealthier if I’d stayed awake. So what woke me up in the first place? More often than not, if it’s not work or women, it’s my whiny dæmon. I love him like pancakes Lady Lu but SHIT, pardon my language, it’s all shit.

My motivations talk about having something that gets you out of bed each morning. Well, In How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Dale Carnegie says you must accept the worse possible scenario and get past it. Jail time or death? Let’s start smaller, Lu.

“First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” – Dale Carnegie

“The willingness to walk away, above all other factors, does more to tell a woman of your high value than any amount of money can. You must be prepared to follow through and to fully believe that you’ll never see or hear from her again, because women instinctively know when you’re faking.” ― Roosh V

Well bigger, I’m equal opportunity coming to Yabbos. Sabrina Nichole, Paige Steele, Azur Lane, or MILF Tres? Only yesterday I was talking about when she’s gone, that’s it, move on. I haven’t heard from anybody like MILF Dos, Okay, or Cherry. So out of the blue, here’s MILF Tres saying, “Good Evening.” I gave her nothing but room to explain. After her “Okay fine” and an opportunity to talk, that was it. I’m at a loss when it comes to talking to pretty girls, but I chose. You takes your chances, and makes your choice.

Hell, I don’t think that way when it comes to the Day Job. Christians talk about people accepting Hell. Do you recall the movie Full Metal Jacket, “a world of shit,” right? Again I wake up and take that and why. It’s always fear or laziness, both? I was attempting to burn my eyeballs out of my head to check my schedule. You know I even tried to schedule my car getting repaired and why. All so I can go someplace that I hate Lu.

Yeah, like Whataburger is so impressive the way they screwed up my order this morning. What about Walmart? This goes back into my laziness, but I’m going to miss part of NXT, perhaps. I have to get up and fetch food. Well, doesn’t that point everything out? I’m going to get food for a life that I would indeed not live. My firstborn has to eat so he can continue crapping it all out like last night. Not his fault, of course, I choose him over me all day every day without out fail Lu.

Only I’m failing everything else, losing MILF Tres and now Specs too. I don’t know where to start. Answer anywhere but A Loss For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 272 ~Not Good At Goodbye~

A picture is worth a thousand words, but now that I have no pictures does that mean that I have no words, perish the thought, perhaps Pinterest did me a favor but on the other hand… “Not Good At Goodbye” I know that

Friday, March 30, 2018

Lesson 272 ~Not Good At Goodbye~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today, and if I’m perfectly honest, I may be a bit worse than most days because as they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so with what happened, I’ll need to get a lot more writing done. What would I do if only once I had the opportunity to say goodbye, trust me I’ve been on the brink before… no worries, I’m not there now, I’ve been called to explain myself for any number of reasons.

Speaking of the brink though, I’ve never felt the need to explain, or to say goodbye, I have a lifetime of work to answer for me, and I still don’t think that it’s enough, it probably never will be. There have been plenty of aspirin and sleeping pills, for doctors to tell my parents what was the exact proportions that did me in and yet there would be a million questions if I figured they cared that much. Talk about a search history that should have put me away years ago and files with the police, but maybe it will be a picture that finally does me in this time.

I’m sure I sound like a whiny baby, but at this time yesterday, despite the many wins and losses that day brought the gravest loss… besides PCH and another $10.00 is the fact that I lost my Pinterest account. Yeah, I hear you, I’m honestly writing about losing Pinterest, but hey they didn’t write about taking it either, and it hasn’t been twenty-four hours yet, depended upon when I decided to drag my carcass out of bed again yesterday. It’s only now 5:30 AM and the loss is Pinterest, but the win is another idea for a book, perhaps a novel of suicide notes or maybe my protagonist in the book I’m writing will use some suicide note in one of his crimes maybe, possibly?

Here’s another thing, as I said I’m not good at goodbye, but if I’m anyone of merit, a man of my word, I need to say goodbye to my free time, for when it comes to writing you know I have to start writing my novel for Camp NaNoWriMo. Instead, here I am sniveling over Pinterest because there was no explanation, no warning, and no goodbye, so should I grab a tub of ice cream and change into comfy well comfier clothes, maybe you think?

I could get some real writing done, I’ve got books to plan and reviews to write and like I said before, Lady Sophia you know I’m Not Good At Goodbye.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 198 ~I Take My Own Lumps~

Pain has plenty of points, something wrong; you’re still alive, you’re stronger because you’re not letting it kill you, the same can be true of a scar, too bad no one can see my scars on the inside, I’d be one badass man I Take My Own Lumps

Monday, January 15, 2018

Lesson 198 ~I Take My Own Lumps~

Fifteenth Rule Madam Justice,

“I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is.” ― Forrest Gump (1994)

I Am Not Afraid Anymore; perhaps the truth is my forte *snickers* I feel sort of like Sota from “Sota’s Brave Confession of Love” I am not brawny, reliable, or able to say things outright, but… I take my own lumps. Madam Justice I endure the pain I deserve, the pain I don’t, I pay the price for myself and others, and I feel that is just what a man does, what would I know.

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young ― When You Were Young

There’s no doubt in my mind that I ain’t Jesus, nowhere near Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, my greatness is definitely in question, but I don’t ask anyone to fight for me or to sacrifice if I am the cross you have to carry then put me down. I was ready to die when I was a child if I wasn’t the person my family wanted then why keep me… love, expectations, investment? Even now much to my shame I’m still not self-sufficient, if I lost everything well, there is a reason I have what I call my Alamo Fund. A way to meet my end with dignity, a five-star hotel, hookers, my favorite foods, and some kick-ass drugs or as the song goes perhaps Happiness Is A Warm Gun.

I’m just an average man, with an average life
I work from nine to five; hey hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone in my average home
But why do I always feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone ― Somebody’s Watching Me
Rockwell

As much as I loathe humanity and I long for the day the dead walk the Earth or maybe Trump will legalize the annual Purge it’s always been about hurting myself rather than anybody. You know it’s stupid I came up with this rule years ago when I wrecked my car against a tree, then drove to work with screwed brakes, and afterward drove to an auto shop, all because I didn’t want to inconvenience, my “father” or my job. Do you want a confession better suited for Echo or Diana; what makes me an incredible sadist is the fact that I’m a fantastic masochist, maybe I get off on my pain and thus when I enjoy the occasion I choose to share it honestly.

I heard on a TV show once; we cannot learn without pain or what about the saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… or better start running. Trust me I don’t yearn for adversity, trial, and tribulation, the slings, and arrows but like I told my mother a few days ago as old as I am, I’m growing up, and I’m not that bad, I Take My Own Lumps.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ― Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Say what you need to say, have I been doing that lately or just talking to talk, I guess it’s good she was reading because I would have never guessed and what did that get me really? Is Atlas Complaining Yet, what’s one more stone

Monday, August 7, 2017

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Hey, Lady Lu…
No Fear, but I don’t like boats and I haven’t been on a plane in a long time, not since that stint in the military and with the ways things are going there are bigger fish to fry. The lesson today is more, the more things change the more they stay the same type of deals, because what happened today or rather yesterday is something I know I need yet another lesson in because I’m not learning.

I guess I have good news for you, she saw you, “Miss Seasons” or at least people she knows and well that’s the bad news, burn it down and salt the earth, great minds huh? The only difference here is, I wasn’t the one that went scurrying off, personally I don’t blame her one bit but it still hurts, destruction is beautiful but loss… Let’s hope there is no more of that for a while but we ran in the same circles so if others abandon us I wouldn’t be surprised if anything the question is what set her flying?

It’s sort of like Amazon too, you can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what’s wrong, but it only took two times with Amazon though I have no idea what they didn’t like. Miss Seasons is different, I did wrong, I felt bad, apologized and then… yeah, I sort of lost my mind but you always want to know what ended it. Do I really need to rehash “Senseless” or the “Harmonic War” how about “Sweetness”; as you know I’ve got plenty of issues? It’s seven billion people in the world Lu and I have alienated three, really why I am I upset over any of this at all.

“’Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems” Issues

You know I’ve been on a journey of finding my voice once again and maybe the purpose is to become the person I am here to the rest of the world without the screen. I don’t think I told you about what I said at work about my music and the playlist that stops me from becoming a psychopath, remember how scared I was then?

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself
‘Is it true?’

At the second, ask
‘Is it necessary?’

At the third gate, ask
‘Is it kind?’”

– a Sufi saying (all I know)

I’ve been focusing on just talking at all lately but let’s focus on Miss Seasons when we worked together, I barely spoke but if I did it was honest, always out of necessity, and she said it herself that I was kind, then we started writing and here we are.

I’m trying to go back but everything I said about her was true, I don’t spread rumors or anything and I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I was a dumbass. Was I angry at her, of course, again my fault and I can’t dispute anything about it but I could be mad, those were my feelings? Anything else, hell Luna I want to win this blogging thing, she has everything and I have nothing but I am fired up, I could publish a poetry book, should really edit my novel, success is winning, right?

Necessary, Luna my dear I think we’re all going to Hell, an apology was necessary and everything else… why am I even talking to you now? If we all were left to necessary do you know how quiet the Earth would be, how much weight would be lifted, nobody can promise that except maybe monks?

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” Four/Tobias, Divergent

Is it kind… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I tell one girl she has nice boobs and she smiles, another one shuts me out, flowery words get one girl and then she sleeps with a guy that says bitch get in the car. Poetry almost got me fired, showing attraction but not stating the obvious made me out to be skeevy and worse. It’s a toss-up between not needing to be kind to anyone and not saying anything at all and being considered unkind, or being rejected, not to mention high school all I ever got was backhanded compliments from nearly everyone.

Today words are too damn light and they are supposed to be heavy, I imagine it’s fear but maybe it’s thinking about what you say.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, that’s bullshit, of course, the pen is mightier than the sword is something I can get behind, for I have seen what words can do. You want to know why the world is so heavy, because with all these words being thrown here come the stones, we should build roads, like “Indiana Gone” says, “Communication” but no we get hit and we throw back, we harden our hearts, we bury our enemies, we erect caves to hide in, praying the world doesn’t come crashing down on us.

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” – Schindler’s List (1993)

If I had remained silent Luna where would I be today, I would have another friend, hell would I rather have an enemy, I rather she not just walk away or fly away which is the last thing I know about her new job and all. She’s not the only one though, she won’t be because I’m not going to be silent any longer, I can’t be and if it isn’t you, it will be a book I publish or something else. If saving a life is saving the world, then what about destroying one?

Friends are so hard to come by Luna and I suspect I will be losing quite a few more in the coming days, two hundred and two now and took me less than a day to find out who I had lost. I can’t walk on eggshells anymore… yeah, I am an eggshell when I get upset, better a live chicken than a dead duck is what I’m always saying. At least we know that people are reading and if there not liking, yeah that’s something I’ll have to change, another thing I should be upset about, my book review got no likes but yeah today is about the girl.

So what have I learned today other than to stop pissing women off and that means to stop talking or control my temper? Another day that started off with such promise but at least I have the option of walking to the next but I wonder Is Atlas Complaining Yet.

I Will Have No Fear