Tag: Loss

Meditation 024 ~Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil~

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If I want to “pray” to someone who may or may not listen, I talk to my fur buddies. I only trust one of them. I’ll stop being so down on 2V. But today’s fear has me looking to the Spirit In The Sky… B III. Eyes on the road. Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil

Thursday, July 25, 2024

Meditation 024 ~Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil~

1271 Days Without B III, Day 712 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I was up around 2:30 AM and had trouble falling back asleep. Two guesses why…

Virgil Vivi, 2V. Not to be confused with 2B from NieR: Automata. I was more into Houkago Ren’ai Club ~Koi no Etude~ this morning. Too much information, right? B III?

But you know your Old Man. When it comes to the day of a battle, I rely on you, my boy, my Braxton, some girl’s boo… airbags. Or buying stuff. Retail therapy, you know, B. I need you, Braxton. Your support means everything to me.

Honestly “He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,” is rewarding himself a piggie potato. Hell, I’ll bring fries back for Virgil as well. Okay, I’m not promising that. The little guy has been less than helpful, seeing how I’m still thinking about beautiful women and filling my belly.

Even the Bible. There was that whole “Armor Of God” spiel. All I ever needed was you, B. You would stand in front of me, beside me, and have my back. You were there. But as the song goes, “I need you right here, right now. Right by my side.” And why is that? Well, you see everything from where you are. You remain my little guardian angel, B III.

Why do I ask? Sigh…

I’m going to the auto shop today at the dealership. And I am afraid B. To be honest, I’m always scared, but today, with everything that’s been going on… Do you remember those weeks when I would have a bag of pizza rolls to see me through the week? Of course, you always had your food. But this week, Braxton…

I didn’t even make 40 bucks. And now the car could need fixing. And the idea of driving so far, my friend. You’re going to have me looking up every movie on courage. Iron Eagle comes to mind. Again why:

“I’m right there with you, don’t forget that.” Iron Eagle

Everything happens for a reason. Though I’ll never say that about when you passed B. Now that made no damn sense. But humans rarely do. Especially your human B III.

Again, Virgil needs to be helping. But he’s a reflection of me, not a reincarnated you. Braxton, you’re… you’re what I aspire to be. Brave, bold, always in bed and burying yourself in a girl’s… yeah, you know. I’ll be brave. Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

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Let’s talk shop. I never took it in school. I took “Math in Society.” As with any other Math class, it was a fail. As for “keeping the books…” I need to keep V from dying, like his predecessor. And the house? I’m the one breaking. Virgil’s B In Shop.

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I can pay people to do… I don’t know, whatever. Resurrection, Repair, and Rough…

Better to keep that thought to myself and talk about Braxton. AGAIN!? Always and forever. But the tears in my eyes aren’t for him at the moment. I’m tired, Lunalesca. It’s Saturday at 5:30 AM, and I haven’t showered or shaved. What about the novel?

Braxton’s two novels are sitting around here someplace. And there’s “Sofía’s Nightmare” to work on… But instead, I’m recapping Succubus Lord 2. It is as if I’m retelling some sweet little fairytale. To think, two years ago, “my” fairytales included a resurrection. Or rather, the reincarnation of my son. And then finding Virgil. Lunalesca, neither Braxton nor Virgil look a thing like Jesus. But I’m not shopping for the spirit, something to stay awake. And then something to do with a nice pair of yabbos.

Should I even get a girl over? There are so many things here that need fixing. And other than a lightbulb… Yeah, I’m useless. Speaking of which, I need another lightbulb for the kitchen. And that’s after replacing the one above the stairs. No, I don’t fear death, Lady Lunalesca. If it gets me a step closer to my boy. But to leave V behind… And what about turning forty? It’s part of my routine. Something I can’t fix inside my head. And my heart?

Inquire about my life goals. And short of bringing Braxton back, it would be to never leave this bed again. But would you look at the time? It’s time to learn… “To Be A Man.”

Careless Whisper is today’s song…

Well, Lady Lu, it was the first song that came to mind. To think. I can groove to such songs as Careless Whisper, Moondust, and My Love. Yet as I keep making my shopping list: my son’s life, lightbulbs, and add to it getting blown like Careless Whisper’s Saxophone. Ok.

So, ideas and suggestions. How about ones that don’t have to do about the story I’m writing? Will I even get to any of that today? Yesterday, I bought Cherry’s short story. But, of course, I had less than honorable intentions there. And for a dollar. Oh, and I was shopping around on OnlyFans, too. I cried. Took a ten-minute catnap. And tried not to co… Anyway. Virgil’s the only one who is “fixed” around here. Virgil’s B In Shop

1266 Days Without B III, Day 707 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

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Rise and shine! I’ve been up since four. The only thing shining is the tip of my… Enough with the Yabbos. The sun’s behind the clouds. And my son is in a box. But he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But can I rise out of this bed? Virgil, Rise, And B

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

1264 Days Without B III, Day 705 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past six in the mornin’. Six in the morning? And my day, Braxton…

Well, it could be better. It’s the usual: wake up at four, and you’re not here. There’s Yabbos… My new morning routine. About twenty minutes after that, I take a shower. Next. Seeing how V and I are going to eat next week or today. Now I would like to join you. But V has… “reservations.” He “likes” being alive.

I didn’t even get to work on “My” novel earlier. There’s so much to do, Braxton. But you always found time to eat and “play” with your toys. I’m trying Braxton. It’s part of the reason I’m upset now. I wanted to start talking to you right at six. It’s always about time or routine. Huh! V doesn’t have that. When he was sick Tuesday, he was all cuddles, but…

He got better. Now what?

In Virgil’s case, he’s back behind the gate, sleeping on his pillow. Should I be making an effort? Look at the time. I was planning on taking a nap. Sigh! It’s seven now. But what kept me from going back to sleep? That’s not for you to know… Wherever you are, Little B. Knowing you can see everything now should be more than enough for me to be okay, Braxton. I was about to say to make our dreams come true. But your dreams, Braxton…

Food, food, and more food, am I right? Am what am I going to get up for today, Braxton? (Checks the grocery list.) Bread and water. What about milk? It’s summertime and all. I’m still here, Braxton. Always and Forever

Not rising for anything but Yabbos, taking Virgil outside, and what food I can scavenge.

I do not exist in a dystopia… yet. I’m writing one if I want to call it that. But the sun is up, the sky is blue… Nope! It’s light outside, and the sky is gray. But that doesn’t excuse me from getting up. Today’s pay that I got from last week was terrible. And this week, considering I’ve been here for around three days straight. The pay will be a lot worse. Because I won’t rise. Who am I, Batman? No. But I’m still your Dad, and I should know better. Forty is coming. And with the Olds and your “actual” aunt. I should, I must… Like I’m asking Virgil. Virgil, Rise, And B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

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How many times has V seen me write at the table or read on the couch? It’s a beautiful morning. What am I doing? I’m sitting in bed writing about a son I can’t see again… Bosoms, I want to. And making some bucks writing. NOT! “B’s Written Up Virgil.”

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Well, not with how I’ve been existing, trying, and writing. But yes, Lady Lunalesca, I’ve written.

And so you ask me, “Honey, why you calling me so late?” It’s 7:30 in the morning. And I was up at 5:00… okay, a little earlier. I’ll admit that. You know Braxton comes first in my existence. And I’m still not jazzed that I had to wake up. I mean, at all. Existing, Lunalesca…

It’s like blondes vs brunettes, a pawnshop romp to a model being art herself. (Drools).

You’re asking if that is all I think about. My boys, making some bucks, and a girl’s boo… Yabbos. It worked for one of my idols, Lady Lunalesca. So… “Let me get what I want,
This time.” Please excuse me, Lunalesca. I get pretty musical when I’m holding the pen. Metaphorically speaking. Or holding Braxton.

My head is a weird place, for example. Being the defender of books that I am. But knowing that anything I write … will get me written up. I’m sure there are plenty of files from college to the can I sat in for about a week. To be young again, dear Lady Lunalesca. Only I’d go to big boy jail if I wrote like that again, Lunalesca. Dangerous words… All those that could be misinterpreted or used against me. I’m my worst enemy, Lu.

Braxton, Braxton, and more Braxton. Wanting to join my little boy who traveled to The Rainbow Bridge. Tell me, Lunalesca, which of these you prefer: “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” Or “I want to join my Braxton.” They mean the same thing to me, Luna.

You see the two women above. But what if I wanted to compare a 20-something English writer representing my youthful aspirations to a 30-something Latina, who symbolizes my current reality? Is that deep? I still like them both. Hence my story. I swear AI will inevitably end us, Lady Lunalesca.

If I stayed in college, I would have learned how to create myself, Lunalesca. Perhaps.

Unfortunately, all I can do is write. Not to my Olds. You want to add words to my scary word list. Getting a text that reads “You Home?” And what about my friends, Lu? Uh…

Well, Braxton’s Aunt is engaged… again. I don’t need to bother her. With Cherry… talk about the right words. And M Anime? Well, after her nightmare, my writing and critics:

“The part that resonated with me the most was the theme of bodies being twisted and used for sale and objectification. It is a powerful and important topic to explore in literature.”

“I thought the theme was about the objectification and exploitation of women’s bodies, specifically in the sex industry. The use of metaphors and imagery such as “bodies twisted” and “retail therapy” suggest a darker and more sinister side to the sex industry, where women’s bodies are bought and sold for profit.”

“The use of words like “twisted” and “sale” suggest a dehumanizing and transactional view of intimacy and sexuality. It also touches on issues of power dynamics and societal expectations placed on women.”

I’m surprised I’m free to say or write anything for now. This Is America. I’m a writer. Uh, my Day Job? B’s Written Up Virgil.

1259 Days Without B III, Day 700 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

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I shared everything with my son, time, tons of food, and girls with nice ti… Anyway, I don’t share my days with Virgil. We go outside, and then I spend more time cleaning up because he doesn’t “go.” There’s food. But girls? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish.

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

1257 Days Without B III, Day 698 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how my days usually go. “I’d rather be with you, yeah.” Or girls.

I have to check out MaXXXine today. Or should I start a novel based on M Anime’s Nightmare? Now that I have received my last decent paycheck for a while, It was a somewhat pleasant surprise, Braxton. Still, the general consensus is that I wish I didn’t have to wake up at all. And yet here I am with you sending me a tune from Bootsy Collins. If I taught you anything, it was great taste in music and French fries. Ha-ha! What have I been teaching Virgil these days?

Virgil must feel unwanted. Which is why he’s behind the gate in the hallway, Braxton. And here I am in bed. Wishing you were at your guard posts or sleeping by my side since I’m awake at 6:00 AM. Seriously?

Six in the mornin’? I should have been up at four, but I was selfish. Hanging with the Sandman, the dreams in which you, my son, survive, and something, something… Yabbos. Which leads me back to my writing. That’s another reason you’re missed, B III.

Remember the COVID year, the last one you were here with me? You saw the first month of 2021. I’ll never forget you sitting under the table as I wrote ‘my’ novels. Virgil doesn’t do that. Sometimes, I’ll put his pillow beside me so he won’t cry. He only sleeps.

Even if I gave him all ‘my’ time. What would we do? You knew my writing was to provide us with a better life. We’d be selfish but settled sinners. It’s a constant struggle, B.

But how did that work out? I wanted to build Heaven, and you beat me there. Not that I figured I could get in. You would need all the time you could get to plead my case. And here I am, approaching forty. Speaking of old age, your great grandma’s second ‘husband’ passed this week. Did you ever meet Woodrow? He bought me Pokémon Yellow when I was a ‘child.’ Seeing how your grandma forgot to text me about it…

Braxton, I suppose I can skip his funeral. My weekend will be all Mia Goth, a Boricua princess and a buxom English beauty. What about the rest of us, Virgil and I? We’re both selfish. How do we begin sharing, Braxton? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 005 ~Virgil And This B~

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“That thing unnerves me. I think that one day, artificial intelligence is going to kill us all.” – Queen Ramonda. Or how I feel about having a smartphone. But I’ve done worse things. Ask my boys Braxton and Virgil. Oh right… Virgil And This B.

Saturday, July 6, 2024

Meditation 005 ~Virgil And This B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… I have a better chance of seeing Braxton again in this life or the next. Lunalesca…

B, as usual, stands for my son, Braxton. I swear he woke me up this morning around 1:20 AM. While you’re wondering why I’m calling you so late. It’s only 6:57 AM. I also planned to write some more about M Anime’s Nightmare. I’m up to 2700 words right now.

But you know me. Anytime I’m feeling down… well, worse. I think about my Braxton. Lunalesca, if I can exist without my son, I can “Endure and Survive” anything. My son B was my anchor, my reason to keep going.

These Meditations are proof of that, though this is only the fifth one. Braxton has been here since I first came to this place. He was here for Lessons. He died during the Gospels. Virgil “arrived” during the Sagas. So, the Chronicle year was the one I was alone for.

What does any of this mean? I lose myself when speaking about my boys, Lunalesca.

That’s the point because today is a bad day. Comedy comes in threes, Lady Lunalesca.

Buttons, Broads, and Bucks, Lunalesca…

So a couple of days ago, Lunalesca “Girl, I’m spending my dimes, wasting my time.” It was in the Regal App. Or at least that was the plan. But now it’s not working for me. Today I really wanted to see MaXXXine. I even set up an alert for it. But the app won’t work. I was going to get a free popcorn and a soda, too. But if I go now, that’s thirty bucks.

And it doesn’t solve the problem that the phone sucks, and after Everything with Dish…

This B… got me Smokin Out The Window. I’m going to need a new phone. Okay, and how am I going to accomplish that? Even if I could ignore my Old Man. The expense, Luna.

Braxton sent this song to me this morning. My boy will always know my buttons. However, I am still trying to figure out what to do. I’m thirty-nine, and I have no clue. Lunalesca, please?

Everything! And I do mean Everything is making my head hurt. And my heart, Luna? It remains broken. I’m struggling. I’m lost. Still in bed…

While M Anime was having her nightmare. I dreamed that Braxton was standing on my chest. Again, he was waking me up. My son wants to bring me back to life. But was I ever?

Fearing, Failing, and effing about. But Virgil And This B

1252 Days Without B III, Day 693 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

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No, I can’t stop; whatever this is? Whether adding another 300 words to a nightmare, someone told me about. Or no, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t work tomorrow. Or no, we are less free now. And Braxton coming back. That’ll B No, Virgil

Thursday, July 4, 2024

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

1250 Days Without B III, Day 691 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sure your Heaven wouldn’t include fireworks. Or your Hell. I’ve been reading about Cerbie.

You know, as in Cerberus. And what about Virgil? Hell, what about you, Braxton? Sigh…

Love is a long, long road. My boys, my books, and some girl’s boo… Yabbos. This week has had plenty. And here we are… Uh, more like, here I am, B III. This Independence Day…

Well, at least you have your freedom. And what about mine? I always figured as I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. Yes, I know you still do from wherever you are. Anyway, you were supposed to be my apocalypse survivor buddy. And if E-Day doesn’t end me… Eww! I’ll have bigger fish to fry. Are you still wondering why I would rather join you, Braxton, with everything happening? This Is America.

Yeah! There are better places to be right now. But there are also much worse. And no, I don’t want to talk about me. You see it all, don’t you? And Virgil has to live it. Poor little Virgil, B.

Only I’m too busy saying NO to everything, like being a good dad, for starters. Braxton, I’m trying to stop speaking so badly about myself. And Virgil… One of the first words out of my mouth today was, no. He was outside for twenty minutes and still decided to use the training pad. Maybe if I wasn’t saying no to trying to clean the backyard. But again, this week was hard. Look at my paycheck from last week… Twenty-Eight dollars.

And what did I do?

I said no to more hours at the Day Job. Why? Because I’m so busy trying to be a writer?

I said no to OnlyFans. So what am I on… Day Three. It’s not that you need to know that.

But it’s surprising because I said no to ignoring M Anime’s nightmare. She wrote around 1000 words. And I’m approaching 2400 words in my rewrites and edits. A horror story

No means no, but you know me and dark stories. And what could be darker than the ones involving burying fur buddies? I’ve been saying no to reading those, too. And I say, “No, I won’t give up my grief.” But no, I can’t join you either. Living? Tell me why? That’ll B No, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 364 ~Virgil Will B Happy~

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What would have made Braxton happy was not good for him. I could have told the vet to pump him full of drugs that would make him dive face-first into his food. But that’s not what happiness is. The dictionary skipped it. As did I. Virgil Will B Happy

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Tale 364 ~Virgil Will B Happy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Or at least I was until I spent forty dollars on Virgil’s medication. Uh… What (BLANK)!

If only Braxton knew what that was like. What about some lady friend of mine… Lunalesca, there’s M Anime. But I still think about Cherry’s Yabbos. And that’s the thing. I tell myself that I’ll gladly pay for some woman sans her clothing but at the end of the day… Well, I misspelled healthy because, hopefully, Virgil will be with his medicine. But B had some meds of his own for his heart. And kidney failure took him from me.

So, as the song goes, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” But it’s not even that, Lady Lunalesca. And, happy? It’s just a word. A word that eludes me. It’s not getting any easier. But with my Little B III?

Whatever I was with him… I want to be that again. Instead of joining him?

I’m trying to avoid that, Lady Lunalesca. Which is another reason I bought Virgil’s medicine. Now, there’s no medicine for what I have. Sleeping pills? Do you want me to join Braxton today? I was planning on going to the movies. Strange, I’m sure, but that won’t make V happy. Ha! So we have meds, me going to the movies. A woman’s mammaries? For sure!

B had all that when his “honorary” aunt was around. Braxton couldn’t stand the maid. However, I didn’t want her standing either. Kneeling? Is that all I can think about? Lunalesca, I’m trying to find a reason to get out of this bed other than Virgil being hungry, healthy, or helpless. Happiness never factors into the equation for me, Lunalesca.

Hard, Horny, Horrified, that’s existence. Braxton Barks Bradford deserves happiness. Virgil Vivi Bradford? Their full government names. My only “sons” so far in this world.

Lady Lunalesca, I find myself in a world that doesn’t bring me joy, a world that makes me yearn for Tyrion’s wish for his Ending:

“In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.” ― Tyrion Lannister

Even then, Lady Lunalesca, would I find happiness? If I could go to bed at night feeling proud of what I accomplished in the day. But I’ve squandered this one, and it’s only 10:00 AM. I was up at four. And what was I doing? Would I be happy if it was something productive? I’m only relieved Virgil didn’t force me out of bed. But since he was here, I could only read. So, hooray…

Naughty books, M Anime’s dreams, nightmares… Virgil Will B Happy

1245 Days Without B III, Day 686 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 362 ~Virgil Writes B Papers~

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How would another dead tree bring Braxton back to me? Would it erase the worries of Virgil’s dog food receipts? And if anything, could I write enough so I would never have to step foot in the Day Job again? I promised B! But “Virgil Writes B Papers.”

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Tale 362 ~Virgil Writes B Papers~

1243 Days Without B III, Day 684 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m here. So you know what that means. I would rather be elsewhere. With you…

I’m only one note away, on any given day, B. But I’m too lazy to write a “going to join my boy” letter. Know what I mean. And I’m sure everything I’ve written would be lost online beneath you, yabbos, and the yellow of my cowardice. Speaking of which, Virgil…

Am I going back to worrying about the Day Job? Nah. I’m keeping it. But the pay is not doing me any favors. And if it isn’t the green of those dollars, it’s the yellow of training pads for Virgil. I will have to switch out an energy shot habit, for Virgil Vivi being afraid.

Shouldn’t he be? Look what happened to you? How much paper did it take to put you in a box?

I shouldn’t be so mean, B. But I’ve been beating myself up all this week. Do you remember when you would play around with your toys? I swear! Braxton, your tail or Little B would fall off when your aunt was around. Virgil Vivi doesn’t have those boy problems. Ha!

He’s only drinking and eating from your bowls. He’s using your old carpet. And your training spot? I swear he can’t aim, or he still smells you around. I’ve tried washing it several times. And for all the reasons, I brought Virgil here. One was that he could go on the paper. Was that me being lazy again? Sounds better than I heard your ghost…

Ghost stories, tales about girls, GULP. My writing is bad.

I told you I’ve been beating myself up in more ways than one. I was writing to this girl yesterday. Not “your mother” material. Anyway, I told her the truth, and you can guess what happened. With you, B, money was no object. But B, I’m frugal with girls’ Yabbos.

Only there’s food, financing a book habit, and paying for stuff with a fur buddy. Dear Braxton, be honest; would it help if Virgil didn’t have these reminders of you? What about if I wasn’t all about effing all the time because… I got 99 Problems and with some paper…

Cash, cleaning supplies, an actual copy of some book I’ve written. All these letters to you, my only son… Uh, Virgil? Virgil Writes B Papers

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

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It’s Only A Paper Moon… Nope. According to the publisher, it’s been six years. So, the moon is very real. Moving the tides but not turning the pages of all I’ve written. About love? No, Braxton left three years ago. “Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper”

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Tale 360 ~Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I wake up every day with a heart bursting with love for you. But today, my love, I also woke up with something else. Hmm…

Hope. Such mad hope. But there it is. Huh. I’d rather wake up with a fervent hope, a desire to see my son Braxton. Alive, thriving, and brimming with the joy of life once more.

I love you and our family. I’ll Always Love My Mama. I have a younger sister and two nephews. I’d only need a little paper to make a list of all those that I love.

Speaking of which, why did I wake up with hope… Do not worry, my love; despite my business leanings, I haven’t gone all out, like the characters in ‘Succubus Lord, ‘Satan’s Sorority Girls, ‘Bikini Days, ‘and ‘Backyard Dungeon. ‘ These are just some of the books I’ve been reading in my free time. Love, didn’t I say I have a lot of time to read?

Today, I woke up with a glimmer of hope. It was sparked by a dream, a memory from six years ago when I heard from that publishing company. The dream, though fleeting, brought back a surge of emotions and a renewed sense of possibility. Really?

Time has a way of slipping through our fingers, doesn’t it? I’ve spent the past three years in mourning, and I know there will be more. But please, don’t hold that against me. I yearn for a different kind of love. One that’s not confined to paper or literary aspirations. I want to be a lover, not just a lyricist… sometimes. I want a tangible love that I can hold in my arms and feel in my heart every day.

Someone You Loved… I hope someone you love shouldn’t require so much paperwork, Baby Doll. But again, with all my extra time, there is a lot of it. Now you know why I would rather look at shapely Yabbos all day. Or dream that my Braxton is watching over me.

But I can write this all down. And what does it mean to you, love?

The critic says it’s a mess. My account hints that I need more paper. Every time you hand me something to read, Darling… Well, that’s rare. But being a parent with all our children’s drawings, dealing with grades, and deciding that they want to follow in my footsteps… with writing at least. I don’t want to be their dad on paper or with our DNA. I want to be their dad in every sense of the word, guiding, supporting, and loving them unconditionally. I must.

You, love? Well, you’ve always been more of a More Than Words type of woman. You’ve been my inspiration, strength, and reason to keep going. Writing about us would be enough to put all those books I mentioned to shame. And then there’s the studio, “selling” experiences, and several cosplays. Such love for my business.

Braxton, though, you and our family. Virgil. While I’m a paperboy. Virgil, Braxton Makes Paper

1241 Days Without B III, Day 682 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will