Tag: Married

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

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“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

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I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

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Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

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I wasn’t a good man when Braxton was here. But I was far better than now. Listening to audiobooks. Todd discusses the difference between an orgy and a gangbang. Surprised I don’t have a wife yet. I Wish B had met her. “Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s.”

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

Saga 319 ~Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but before… Well, I was a different “man.” I’d even say less of one. Being honest

And not fair at all. If anything, I don’t want to go sounding like the GOP. But I have always been one for the Nuclear family unit. Two parents and 2.5 kids. Half? Please, Braxton! Yeah, if you don’t know by now and you do. You being you. I had to find a woman that got me. Anyway, Braxton was/is my whole world. Only this world got a lot bigger. Today marks 835 days without my firstborn son. My Braxton. How I wish you could have met him. Would it be easier? Me being a single father. Hell! Should I even say it like that? And today of all days? I’m time traveling. So it’s Sunday, May 14, 2023. How about it’s Mother’s Day? Hmm?

I wish I could say I’ve been busier. You are the mother of all our beautiful children. I did say 2.5. Right? With all the money we have… I want a lot. Fatherhood and manhood. And speaking of things I should stop thinking… My GOP ideology. But I have money. Or is it my father’s? Money equals love. Has he ever felt that? Unconditional love… I wished my Ma a Happy Mother’s Day, and she would beat my ass thinking of my Old Man as such. Only I look at what I’m asking of you. Well, that I’m hoping you’ll feel. Braxton. A love for the furry son you’ve never met, and here I have Virgil Vivi amongst all our two-legged children. “What is Love?”

I shouldn’t have to ask that, and I don’t. At least not when it comes to me pouring the Bisquick and you making pancakes. I do mean the kids that we made together. “My Love.” But why do you think I call B pancake? He couldn’t haven’t been more mine. Braxton, He’s My Son. He will always be. I sing, “Nothing’s gonna change my world.” But the “man” I am, and the woman I hold you to be… To love Braxton as I do. Virgil? I don’t have favorites when it comes to our children. Friend, favorite parent, a father. Love my Braxton. Love our kids, love me, and love Virgil. Could you love the man I was, where you were Braxton’s Mom Before Virgil’s?

835 Days Without B III, Day 276 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

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Braxton couldn’t cheat death; none of us can. On people, pay, and pleasures. I’ve never been one for Love and Happiness. But I am Hopelessly Devoted to You… if your name is grief or a specific pleasure. Cheater? Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil.

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I wouldn’t even need that to be my old man. He cheated on my Ma.

Yeah, this ain’t the week for this. Right? And this was a long time ago. I have a half-brother I’ve never met, around college age. No love there. Love and time, isn’t that right, love? Other than being a provider, I don’t want to be anything like my “father.” Never. Cheating, though? I was thinking about that Sunday, May 7, 2023. Not like that… Please! I have many views on such, but I’m not talking about love. Love. No, the other love. My B III. How often have I said Virgil’s name today compared to B’s? Uh, Good Morning. Hell! Even before you, there was Braxton. Then us… And with Virgil Vivi, there was, “V, you need a bath? I’ll take you to get one.”

It’s all that walking in the yard. At some point, it’s going to get mowed. Such a little thing, a husband mowing the lawn. I was raised on TRADITION! Fiddler on the Roof, I’m sorry. Not for the singing. Nope! That’s always been me. Pop Culture Whore… We’ll get there. I mean for cheating on life, not you, my wife but life with death. Oh, I’m in love with it. The only reason to wake up is that I move a bit closer to it. Step by Step… more music? Yeah. Ma was a big fan of The Preacher’s Wife and Whitney Houston. I remember. Anyway, I have to get her something for Mother’s Day. And you as well. A mom to such beautiful children.

I’ll forever be grateful that they take after you and not me. Do I feel cheated? Not at all, love. Now, Braxton, I swear I think he was in love with Aunt Carolina. Those boobies? Someday, I won’t be so juvenile when it comes to those. Oh, like one day I won’t think about B? That’s like telling me not to think about sex ever. Ask Cherry about that, ha-ha. It’s like me wanting to have a threesome or thoughts of us becoming “Swingers,” right? I mean, not now. And I’m not a cheat. Not with you, and again there’s B, but here is V. Like the song, Is This Love? Could You Be Loved? Braxton’s big heart. Mine’s broken. Death. Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil

828 Days Without B III, Day 269 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

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So what did I expect from meditation? Once upon a time, B’s breathing was life. The awareness of him. Then the silence. Virgil breathes too. But he doesn’t make a peep unless I leave. And what about the family I want someday? Meditations Of B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That goes to show I’m not a great man. Nowhere near. Neither peaceful, as perverted, promising

Not like Marcus Aurelius. Hell! I don’t know anything about him. (Snickers) I did watch Gladiator… The four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude, and temperance… Speaking of royalty. There is Queen Ramonda of Wakanda. “What construct does your mind create when you think of your (son)? Does it bring you comfort or torment?” Dicking around as I mourn my son. Not even watching the films but the movie reactions, love. And why not? My last meditations haven’t yielded anything. How long has it been, hmm? Braxton’s been dead for 821 days. So Virgil’s been here 262. You meant meditating. Right? At this rate, 31 days? But today, Friday, April 28, 2023, all I have done… I’ve cut on YouTube and watched fictional and/or better people.

Yes, I know Marcus Aurelius is real. I need to read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Braxton may have led me to such a book. One more book I need to read. It’s either this or Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge). I could go with MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. I’ve been meaning to get into the works of Matt Shaw. And I told Lady Sophia about The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. What’s one more title about dead fur babies? Moaning, grieving. Again, it’s Friday, so I’m in a literary state of mind despite Braxton’s passing. Always. Plus, books are a form of meditation for me. Better to spend money on books than on women’s mammaries. I have you, my beautiful wife, and my business. Happy?

You know me, baby girl. I’m never happy… Effing said that out loud? Happiness… Honestly. As the song goes, “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” And “I Believe in You and Me.” Shouldn’t I say I believe in the “Power of Love?” I believe in the power of music. Better yet, I “Believe in the Beat.” Whatever I can stick in my ears short of seeing the Doc again. The last thing I need is my ear shooting another bukkake scene. Ha-ha! But what’s the first thing I need? I can’t have my Braxton back. And meditating… Awareness and silence it’s confusing. I have no wise words for you or our children. Only I love you. That enough? Braxton’s wisdom? Meditations Of B, Virgil

821 Days Without B III, Day 262 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 298 ~Loving B’s and V’s…~

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Don’t ever ask me about my business or my B. A lie. I could talk about both forever. One more reason for V and still looking for a woman… “‘Cause our love would be forever,” like the song. And I’m obsessive in trying to be polite. Loving B’s and V’s.

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Saga 298 ~Loving B’s and V’s…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I wish I could say it’s because I loved B enough. Like V… Any other letters?

Loving B’s and V’s. Hell! I said after B, there would never be another. And being the prick, I am… There still isn’t. Love at first sight, indeed. I should have remembered that with B. I’m sure when you first heard me mention B, V. Well if I wasn’t talking about the boys; then it had to be my business. Color Me Badd… Yeah, here comes all the Pop Culture. From the idea that “I Wanna Sex You Up?” Well, I do. So why don’t I? 115 days still crying. There was a time I thought I would never have sex again. Penance, Punishment, Pressure. To love, somehow, something, someone as much as I do, my boy. I love you, our kids, and my business.

Dotting i’s and crossing t’s when it comes to business. Funny, I’d never tell you something like, “My business, my business. Stay the eff up out my business, ’cause it’s mine, oh mine.” Ludacris? really? I’m shocked that you decided to “Stay With Me.” Surprising. “Why am I so emotional? No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control” Whatever. When it comes to my son. I can’t say that I’ve even given it the college try. He was mine. And yet when it comes to the “sin” that is this place. “Take me baby, or leave me.” Uh oh! I’m not worried about this. But it’s being a grieving father. My firstborn son… gone! Baby girl, I want you involved. But “On My Own.”

Minding my P’s and Q’s. As it isn’t right to be crying all the time. But grief, my love (sigh).
It’s sort of a forever thing. Like, love? And as the song goes, “But he talks like a gentleman,” and I try. But you have to realize I had no idea who I was until I was around 21, love. Only then, it wasn’t getting drunk. “You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love.” Last song? Anyway, it wasn’t between a pair of legs. It was a ball of fluff’s finding me. Let me rephrase, ha-ha. It was the puppy stepping on my head every morning. Polite? No. But my reason. He is love. You are loved. Loving B’s and V’s…

814 Days Without B III, Day 255 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 291 ~Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil~

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Let’s show some etiquette. Have I ever? I’m cursing, complaining, or crying about my boy. Then there’s the beauty, brains, breeding, and bounty of my blood. If the wife’s a goddess and I’m rich. Promises to B and V Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Saga 291 ~Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what do people like me do with all their time? Shooting, shitting on people. Sex…

Um, some things should be separate. What was I thinking? If anything, I’m trying not to. Hell! Isn’t that what meditation is; clearing one’s mind? Except Braxton is here as always. My heart? Since I’m in a movie sort of mood. As Finn put it in Great Expectations, the (1998) edition. “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” And you know I’ve been trying to repair it for 807 days, the last count. Even though today is Saturday, April 15, 2023. Meditation has me motivated. Or maybe the lack of masturbation. But I’ve been edging plenty. Why should I do either when I have you, lovely baby girl, my darling wife? Saturday, tomorrow, Monday, now, I will mourn Braxton Barks. And all that time in between?

Beauty, Brains, Breeding, Bounty. Perfect for a “Cry-Baby” like me. If only I had time to watch the movie tonight. The two of us or the whole family. Does that mean Virgil as well? I’m still trying to figure him out. As well as myself, to be honest. Braxton, though; Braxton will always be my son. He couldn’t be more mine if he shared my bloodline. I fought with my old man once. Braxton knew my blood; I’m afraid to say. And you don’t want me to say it, but Braxton’s blood remains on my hands. I killed my effing family. Now that’s something I shouldn’t be saying out loud, but Triple B was/is my family. Today there’s you and them. Beauty, Brains, Breeding, Bounty

It won’t be a movie that lulls me to sleep tonight. I’ll need even more meditation. Sometime soon, I’m sure it will get old. But not my love, my lust, my dying from lack of you. Is that how you feel about me being the way I am, like my ideas of being a man? A husband, a father, and at one point, Braxton’s favorite. If a man cannot “afford” a family, then he shouldn’t have one. A man provides. So I have the bounty down; I always have. And I always will. Um, breeding, ha? You gave us such incredible kids, but… B III. He is my heart. You gave our kids Beauty and Brains. Love? You, kids, furbabies, always. Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil

807 Days Without B III, Day 248 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 284 ~Solve For B, V~

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I hate Math but History and Reading… Now those were my subjects. And I’m trying my best not to be a Republican should I ever make that billion I’m always talking about. Learning “my” history, love. And, oh, dead fur babies. My Braxton. Solve For B, V

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Saga 284 ~Solve For B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should love Math. Like an effing Republican, I should sing “More, More, More!”

I said Sunday… Now, what is it? You know there are some things I can’t seem to escape, love. One of those is that I’m a selfish son of a bitch. Another is that my son is dead. Or would you have me talk about Andrea True or Billy Idol? Make your choice. Mine always is grief. Crying about B keeps me from weeping, raging, or effing the whole world, which is what billionaires do. Once you’re a billionaire, why worry about money? I wish solving for X attributed something to that. Only I doubt it. Science, History. “Where Is The Love?” Oh, that’s something I have to ask the man in the mirror every day, if not every moment, to keep moving forward, love.

You. My love for you is… Well, I want to get as poetic as I want to get political, love, which is why I’m talking to you on a Sunday. That’s something, right? And the fact that I even climbed out of bed and put on clothes. Braxton’s hoody as usual, but winning. I don’t know if it’s the meditation that I’ve started. This is the 8th day. I’m always adding something new to my plate, and speaking of which, vitamins? Everything, nothing? I can’t say that I’m feeling better. But Baby Girl, you “Keep On Liftin'” me. Anesthesia? Do you remember the “Dark Nightingale” from “Rumble Roses?” Anatomy, Breasts?” Growing up, there was a time I thought sex and/or money fixed damn near anything.

And considering it’s Sunday, so 100 Days. And after B died, it was 161… impossible. I always return to the numbers. He’s been gone… WOW! 800 Days today. And I’m still alive with V 241 Days. I can’t say it’s love, but he has his appointment for shots. But as for love, “My Love,” or should I go older as I sing this AHEM, “living for the love of you.” And that ain’t ever gonna change. Even though it’s been 100 Days. And more, I hope so. Why? I had Cherry ask me that. Considering I’m always in the mood, Baby Doll. I love you, I love our family, I love my boy. Virgil’s alright. And my XXX? To love me? Solve For B, V

800 Days Without B III, Day 241 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

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Should’ve put a ring on it or something. I know I’m not looking for love; I’m no fighter. But I did watch NXT and “WrestleMania.” I absolutely hate it when the phone rings… No wonder I never found Braxton a mom, um, stepmom. Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And that ain’t ever gonna change. Hell! I have no interest in buying Twitter. But Reincarnation?

The man I used to be. Believe it or not, I was a single father before I met you… Sorry. Baby girl, I know you aren’t like one of “those” people. You’re not like anyone I have ever known before, and that’s the thing. My son was unlike anyone I had ever met. Braxton was/is love. And if it hadn’t been for him… Well, I was pretty effed up. To say the least. This explains how I’m feeling right now. The pain comes and goes. It gets worse. And the fact remains that I don’t give a damn. Um? Okay, I’m not rushing back to the Doc anytime soon after what happened last time. I can’t stand people. Most people… But as Taylor Swift sang:

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Taylor Swift

Are the kids into her? It’s not something I should have to ask if I was doing my job, ha. Not a job, being a father. For as long as I wanted to be one. How about a husband too? And a good man. I figured B III would be a part of that, as I’ve said. Many, many times. This would be a family for both of us. Except I ain’t sharing your boobs. Like father, like son, hehe. It always makes me smile when I think about him being hugged by his aunt. And as much as I enjoy Star Wars, B would not let me dress him up for anything I know. And then there’s The Walking Dead. My zombie apocalypse buddy

If anything, that’s how I feel right now. I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse. But sometime last night, it was like, DAMN. I’m staying hydrated and trying to rest plenty. Braxton would be all over me right about now. But considering this is like The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oh no, I didn’t forget. And I wouldn’t want my son involved in this. Only I would try to get well for his sake. If something happened to me? Braxton and I were all, “We ride together. We die together. Bad boys for life.” Now there’s you, kids, V. (Looks at your ring, the phone, Virgil without a collar). Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

793 Days Without B III, Day 234 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will