Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

I was never able to read Lord of the Files. There was this book, The Moonstone, that bored me to tears. I’ve only ever finished two books in the bible, John and Revelation. And now I can’t read my own future out of fear. “Will’s Yearly Eye Exam”

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Gospel 209 ~ Will’s Yearly Eye Exam~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford the best of the best. Yet every day, as the song goes, “I’m So Thankful,” that love is a gift and not a prize. That’s especially true these days, as I look at you. I’ve never been one to worry about my health, you know, except for my eyesight, best feature. A yearly exam usually around August, but in the plague era, it was November. The things I’ve seen. That I’ve yet to see, that I shouldn’t have ever. But with you, my Dæmon, our other children. Again I’m forever grateful.

Even if it’s through my glasses. To think of what scares me now, I mean right now. It reminds me a bit of William and Jocelyn. He speaks to her as though she had died. I live by the words of yet another song. “It’s better to say too much. Than never to say what you need to say again.” One more reason I’m not as “witty” as I would like to be. “Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess that’s why they call it window pane.” The idea that I don’t want to get contacts, or I might never look outside my Study window again. Hell, I was out yesterday (Thursday, it’s now Friday), and I saw the cops. Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for now. Not admiring my first road trip to my friend’s wedding. The time I welcomed another friend. Our first family trip to Disney World… TRADITION!!!

I’m even scrapping some of my rules I usually keep because my eyes are tired. Only you need not worry. “I won’t go getting tired of you; I’m not getting tired.” I think I love my wife. No, I love my wife. I’ll always love you, and please, I’m trying not to break out into Whitney Houston. I don’t need to be thinking of the term “breakout” either, but if I had a million dollars. Well, I have over a billion, and I still have you, my family, everything in the world. But I’m always worried about leaving you, and not to death, a dream, some desire in the future. Here I am talking about it, though, because should Tuesday come, I want to spend all my time loving you.

Seeing you always, Only You, please. Will’s Yearly Eye Exam.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

Monday; Thursday at the time of this writing, and I’m still scared to death. In a way, that makes me part of the majority. How many people have sped, hit a dog, who’s been inside a cell? Three separate incidents. “Collective Madness Is Called Sanity”

Monday, January 25, 2021

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

Hundred And Seventy-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I must be insane. Well, indeed, I am not the only one to believe in time-travel. So I can’t give myself too much credit. Only here we are on a Thursday, and I want to talk to you right now. Yeah, it’s more like I’m scared. Is it because I agree with everyone else about a particular subject? True enough, but I might be making myself sick over nothing. Either way, the guilt… Dare I say it’s real? How do THEY say, choosing between what you feel and what’s real, right?

PARANOIA! Madam Justice has taken the place of Depression, Anxiety, and, let’s say, any “Joy-Joy Feelings.” I’m the one who looked out the window earlier because I heard voices near my door. I’m lying here relishing the concept that if it gets “real,” who’ll witness? Dammit, don’t let them hurt my Dæmon. Who and for what? That’s why it won’t go away because I won’t face it. Wasn’t it Dale Carnegie who wrote about accepting the worse outcome? Yeah, I haven’t done that exceptionally well. I can’t, Madam Justice, never. Believing such a prospect is too much. Like when I got that speeding ticket and thought I would instead kill myself than tell my Old Man. There was the time I hit that dog… instead, the dog slammed my car door (again with speeding). Oh, my time in Juvenile Detention.

Everyone agrees that getting speeding tickets is wrong. Still, who would go out shopping for sleeping pills or would turn to rob their relatives. I embraced both, of course, and now I can get proper drugs. I have other methods available. I must be insane. However, I thought I was normal when I was driving and then, bam with that dog. I was a dog killer. Mom and daughter could have found my Olds; they could have called the cops. Only the dog lived but again with the memory of what I’d done that afternoon. While I sat in the day room in the detention center after my Olds begged for my release. I won’t do that again, Madam Justice. As much as I hate my “father,” I can’t do that. Yet I agree that what I’ve done or might have is madness, everyone says.

Living this way is crazy. The Paranoia won’t go away. Collective Madness Is Called Sanity

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 202 ~Sell You On Will~

I always say that I’m an open book. Some books aren’t meant to be open, some things, I don’t know what, but you can’t ask people to stay afterward. For now, I’m free, and yet here I am. “Sell You On Will.”

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Gospel 202 ~Sell You On Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m not in my nineties, and you’re much more than a P.Y.T. I take it. As a ton of songs goes, “You’re Beautiful.” Only today, I want to focus more on “that’s what makes you beautiful.” I CAN put my finger on it, My Love. However, as always, I tend to make everything about me. Hell, what keeps me sane half the time is “Your Eyes.” Will, I ever quit with the songs? If you help me forget. My Love today, hell this whole week, who knows but, I’m SCARED.

The smartest woman I know, I’ve told you before. You’ve got to have an answer. Of course, some things shut my mind up completely. Hell, the day I don’t want you will be that—pure Hell. Only, for now, I’m not in the mood… ok, a lie, but my fear, baby girl, it’s not ok. Say something, only I’ll never give up on you. God knows I’m silent most days. Perfect for cops. If only I could go a few minutes without thinking something so heinous. I haven’t even been able to sleep. Um, one more reason this has been a day, and who knows. Might sheets be the answer? Not those kinds I mean writing, reading, editing. What I wouldn’t give right now to walk into the study and put everything to the page. To have it out there and you tell me that I’m a good man, I’m yours, now and always love.

Sold my soul to the Devil, I fear. Baby girl, you’re the one I saw first, and yet there are things I will never escape. One way or another, I convinced you of me. You were a dream, and everything I thought I needed you gave me. Love’s a gift, not a prize… Aloe Blacc. Stay is a powerful word, and my Dæmon never need ask, neither have our other children. You’re the only human who has ever asked that of me. Now I ask it of you. Stay With Me, no matter what. Yet I would understand if you didn’t. Always and forever, please. Strength is something no one thinks I have, and maybe they’re right. It’s why I ask you to lend me yours though I don’t deserve it. Again you give anyway.

Maybe I’m free. I hope to Sell You On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

I said love hurts, and yeah, lust does as well, but it’s pretty fun too. Though, I’m not having any. In fact, I’m scared to death. Some people live to eat; others eat to live. I only write, and what else is there? Legs Breasts, There’s Always Chicken

Monday, January 18, 2021

Gospel 201 ~Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken~

Hundred And Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so oh god, OH GOD, what have I done!!! Why did I not take this rule to heart? It was inspired by my son, my Dæmon. I should turn to Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. When’s the last time I felt so bad? Well, in “modern history?” I would say when I read something from the “Basic Bitch.” Before that getting called into the office at the Day Job. There was that time in junior college. What about my stint in juvenile hall? Trumptards are scared and running.

Not that I’m one of them. Hell, at times, I’m um worse, and I can’t even tell you how horrible. If anything, I’m hoping that I’m here with you to read this in a week. For the moment, I’m time traveling. You know what I said wakes me up every morning, but Fear, yeah, works. Now, as I state in rule #15, “I Take My Own Lumps.” It means I take the hit I don’t make excuses. If I’m guilty, so I am. The thing is, I don’t even know if I am. There’s a difference between thinking and actions, and no, I’m not trying to be all motivational now.

Okay, usually I save confessions for Inspector Echo, but she waits till Wednesday. How about other cops? Well, I’m a thief, for starters. You know all those artists I have yet to pay and the ones I have paid? Well, I found a place where I did a bit of an art heist, not all. Oh, you know I’ve been stealing pictures and videos ever since I discovered, um, the (H-Word). I blame Tenchi Muyo, but I gave my Olds computer a virus many years ago. Yeah, I couldn’t hide that, but I have lied about being a better man. Doesn’t that affect only me, hmm? Today, no, not with my Dæmon. I swore to always be here for him. It’s him and me until the end. It wouldn’t be a crime to leave him but committing one leaves me no choice for sure, Justice.

He likes eating, and I like… well as the song goes, I hear you singing, “I know what boys like I know what guys want.” Much ado about nothing, hopefully.

For release Madam Justice, I stumbled down the rabbit hole… Legs, Breasts, There’s Always Chicken.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

THEY say love is an open door, and I’m an open book. But this afternoon, as I was dreaming my life away, I saw all my sins… well, no, a portion I like to think I’m more “imaginative,” and no woman would put up with that. “Nobody But Will’s Wife”

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be “the bad guy, duh.” But am I a great man, a good one, well I’m alright. You, My Love, damn if I was to scream out to the world, all that you mean to me, I better hire some more songwriters, ok. Everyone! Now I say scream because that’s what woke me up from today’s nap. I’m being a bit dramatic, but at first, I was afraid; I was petrified. Yes, another song, but I can’t shake the dream, and that’s where you come in. I want to be a man, but man’s not meant to be alone, somehow.

Nobody but my dog, my firstborn, my Dæmon, the little Imp puts up with me, sigh. Hell, he has as many “pet names” as you; more so. Anyway, I can tell him everything… well no. Like any of our two-legged kids, I keep things out of his eyesight. Does that make me weird? I’m awful. Nobody but my “dad” would say that. (Cough) bullshit, bullshit (cough) pardon my French. The thing is with him, yes, I keep secrets, but I’m wrong. It’s all on the grounds that I exist. If you wonder why I can be a black man in the USA with Republican leanings, it’s him, so you know Nobody, but my government is that bad, though. The last time I checked, my “father” is Democrat. Now, I’m a pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-sex worker, um, let me see. I’m for free healthcare, LGBTQ supporting, meat-eating, environmentalist. And yes, women’s rights.

Nobody but my mom, for the longest time, saw any goodness and me. However, that’s from a distance. I thought all women were like that, which leads me back to my nightmare. Every single secret, “All These Things That I’ve Done,” dreamed, discovered, dammed me. Nobody but you, Will’s wife, that’s not all you are. You’re the smartest woman I know, and what do I mean by that. Hell, I could go in every single direction. I hope you don’t mind me calling you beautiful, sexy, hot as Hell. I always believed the woman I chose, the woman who must also choose me, would be my muse. Only never involved in my business or before a camera’s lens. It’s not that I’m jealous. I watched my sins: your strength, love, baby girl. I’m not a thing like Jesus, heh, but seeing all I am and staying, Nobody But Will’s Wife.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Things I can tell my dog and not myself *AHEM* I love you. That’s why hurting myself is nothing, but it’s all panic mode when something is wrong with him. He’s my heart, but what else is there. Money, friends, women? Love Is The Ultimate Torture

Monday, January 11, 2021

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Hundred And Seventhly Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while in Idiocracy, “I like money,” understand “I love money.” Of course, I afforded myself a huge nap this afternoon, and here we are. So either I love my sleep, or I’m not exactly in a lovey-dovey mood. Love hurts, sometimes… There are so many places I can take that. But as always, I’m trying to be a good boy. Speaking of which, that’s the only time I mention love these days when talking to my Dæmon. I didn’t listen to my motivations today, but my son is always my WHY.

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” That tune is pretty dated. Now, to be honest, it’s one of the reasons I avoided Daily Wellness and motivations. Spotify is bonkers with that old school stuff blasting repeatedly. I’m supposed to speak about my firstborn, trying. Funny, this morning, I was reading again about Jeffery and his boy Galen. How he’s failing as a father, but he loves his kid and failed him. Galen never reacts being a “Block” and all but my son… I look at his furry face and the idea, this hurts me more than it hurts you…

It’s bullshit Madam Justice. I know he’s pained, playing pretend, praying. Better than most women. Okay, this is where the rubber meets blacktop SIGH. Once again, I have to stay on the up and up. I’m not in love with any particular girl at the moment. I’d be worse. The things I say when I’m attracted have nothing on what’s in my heart. Only the words “I Love You” wreck any of my wit. Better to remain silent. It’s again a reason we talk like this, Madam Justice. But my Pinterest boards are starting to regain my usually troubling flair.

My heart, though, remains in a cage. I can tell you truthfully that no, I don’t love myself. Yet, I love freedom. That’s why I keep my secrets, unlike the Trumptards going to jail. Money is still fantastic, so I haven’t been “helping out” Alice Little. Lost her court battle. Addiction pains me every day. Only I’m not spending anything on a fix, yet… Jul3DArt, Love Wolf, QOC, Ero3dLight. I wouldn’t advise looking those up. I want to love the man I’ll be, the woman I’ll have, and the Dæmons siblings. To love me now… Love Is The Ultimate Torture.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

The world is noisy, and that’s why I love my Dæmon so much; he’s quiet. If he does get loud barking, it’s to help or be hardheaded, but he doesn’t bark to breathe. People spend time talking to acknowledge existence. With love? Such A Squeaky Will yep

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Containment. Am I already becoming so confusing at the start of this New Year? Do I mean the show, our home, how I live my life? All three? It’s why I don’t talk much. I’m a hard man to know. One for an epiphany? While I was Just Cruisin’ sometime last week, still angry at Serra Hyundai. Hell, we’re rich. Why am I even driving myself? Yes, I’m tempted to burst out into Cars by Gary Numan. Thanks for noticing. Only I’ve never been a car guy or a much for love type. The thing is Love’s Loud.

You remember that campaign “Love is Louder”? With all the noise in the world, I don’t ask for your love to compete. Okay, this brings me to my epiphany. Driving, I started thinking about when we began dating. I enjoy quiet movie nights, music, museums. Always I remain a hopeless romantic. Forever Hopelessly Devoted To You. A fool for the idea of Love At First Sight. I’m not one to kiss and tell. You know Saving All My Love for You. Geez, might as well create another playlist. Baby Girl, you make my heart sing. People talk too much, and when it came to us because Only God Knows Why, those three little words I Love You are wasted. Of the women I’ve known (GULP), I’ve only meant them four times. To my Mom, to a high school girl, a YouTube starlet, and to you.

Then I found out that love is louder. As I said to the women, I’ve known, but I tell my Dæmon I love him every day. I say it to all our kids. Me, a “Soccer Dad” well, maybe they’ll stick to quieter pursuits. Either way, I’m down. The pitter-patter of tiny feet all over. Those Saturdays, where we can lie together and listen to my “Nuclear” playlist. It seems more prudent than ever. Oh, and why did I have to soundproof our room again? Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do is all I’ll say. I’m trying to not make you get loud now. Then yeah, I always told myself I had to marry a woman that was a singer. A chef because kids are always spoiling appetites. The Dæmon is looking at his full bowl SIGH. But butterflies.

Telling you baby, I love you, Such A Squeaky Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

The first Monday of the new year. Same job, redundant emotions. And with my “Republican Tendencies” leftover feelings of hate for humankind. It took me a while to calm down after my cray day. Good thing I started this Sunday. Panic Does Not Serve You

Monday, January 04, 2021

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

Hundred And Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and in other things, I wish I knew. How about being scared to death. I’m terrified, now seeing how I’m coming on or off (with time) another lousy shift. It’s still Sunday, but speaking to Lady Lu, I wanted to take my son to the vet. As I told the Man in the Mirror, it was a night of puppy cries and puke in my bed. He’s had some good hours, no vomit, no cries. Making up for lost time. It seems Madam Justice this year has started off with confessions and another. I saved some money.

Do you remember when I was pissed at Serra Hyundai about wanting another $500? Hell, I still am, but as I was driving away after saying no, I was frightened. Spent the whole ride listening to “Sixteen Tons,” “Working in a Coal Mine,” and “We Will Go Home” for real. Speaking of which, the “Song of Exile.”It’s at the forefront of my mind whenever I head to the Day Job. I carry a plastic bag and a Sprite in my backpack. Yes, I might puke when I get out of the car to start the day. Even now, I’m shaking knowing the coming week. Right this second, I panicked when a friend was a bit upset with me about my views on Trump. I know Madam Justice, it didn’t take long, and here we are, day three or four into the brand New Year SIGH.

Speaking of “Republican Tendencies,” why is it again that I feel that money will solve my problems. Because I would be “Takin’ Care of Business.” I hear my first playlist this year. It doesn’t change the fact with the right amount of money, well who knows, hmm. I do. Last night while fighting addiction, I thought, would “Capital A” forgive me for wanting? Well, what a boy wants. With enough, I would make Target, Serra Hyundai, and the “Day Job” AHEM “quake with fear” or panic. Maybe funding other businesses. How about my panic? What’s the cure there? Again something I can’s share and can’t do anymore but twenty minutes, where am I, in bed. There’s also my Anger and Rage. Please don’t make me quote Yoda. Nowadays, I’m focused on how old I am.

Time is on my side, well no, so yeah, yikes… Panic Does Not Serve You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

I have no clue what I would want once I found love, well to protect that love, of course, but once I have Jeff Bezos’s bank account and a woman to share it with, and 5.5 kids would I be HAPPY? A Happy New Will, can’t I just be happy now, a long story

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Gospel 181 ~A Happy New Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t make me a great man or a good one. Most days, I would settle for alright. Remind me, when I’m done with “Into The Badlands” to watch “Firefly” again if you got that reference. Today though, I’ve been thinking about “Equilibrium.” I mean, I hate fireworks, the Dæmon and I both. I don’t drink much; ask my BFF about that. Staying up till midnight is usual for me, so no coffee required, eww.

Complaining and lies are habits I should leave in 2020, right? There are fireworks between the two of us, ha-ha. When we take the kids, minus the Dæmon, to see them at Disney World (ahem) Tradition!!! That will be one of those times I’ll have to be just Dad, hmm? Maybe the two of us can dance beneath the sky to a little “Drunk On You,” which is all I’ll ever be. I think it’s rather strange that I want to be a stand-up guy, a superhero. Yeah, and a million other things, and yet I get weak in the knees, butterflies with you even now. Staying awake is no longer a problem when I’m living my dreams, you know. I also don’t intend on sleeping even after midnight, if you know what I’m saying. Yes, the kids are still around, so keeping it clean.

Anyway, you know how I am with being HAPPY, forever, and always. I’m glad, I’m satisfied, hell I even talked about being good. Geez, many years ago, it was always another day. One more year, one more day didn’t make a difference “Endure and Survive.” However, here we are at “The Closing of The Year.” Should I cool it with the music and movie musings? You tell me I better not, right? So how will I be a better man than the one that I am at the moment? I’m the man that is currently planning my first book of the new year. What will be my first song? Of course, there are some things I want to remain. Kissing You, not that I keep track, but there’s always room for one more kiss. A night in your arms. We’re counting how many kids already?

Looks like I’m entering the new year as confusing as ever, but happy is different. Happy is good, happy works okay, A Happy New Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

I’m sensing a pattern when it comes to my body these rules. Today is more like what I allow into my mind, heart, and soul. I do plenty to protect my eyes, and I always have my earphones in, and why is that. “Don’t Be Fated To Lies,” I can’t hear you.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

Hundred And Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not a lie. In a way, I look at it as having less than $20.00 in the bank. The money is there, only I can’t access it yet. I could tell you what’s in my closet right now. Let’s say that I’m missing a few essential parts; that’s all, ha. However, I have never been one for the philosophy of AHEM, “Fake it till you make it.” On the other side of the coin, why believe that I’m doomed when it comes to going to work? Worse is walking around like Faith Seed. “I know you’ve heard stories about me.”

As always (sigh), I want to apologize for being so down, but that’s the thing. The new year is almost here, and for right now, there’s no story to tell. Now I could say that’s because of time-travel. It’s still the 27th… this week will be hard. My parents didn’t tell stories. To be fair, I would choose nothingness over the things they say at the Day Job. Say it with me, Madam Justice “Humiliations Galore.” How many fights have I had with one of my managers “silently.” Will didn’t say that. Now he wishes you would shut the fuck-up. My little Dæmon sits here without a word, yet I know I could be a better dad. So what I carry him downstairs. I pay for his heart medication, and he convinced me to give him hot dogs along with treats. He sleeps in my bed nightly. Yeah, I’m a pretty crappy father, aren’t I?

I won’t lie to you, Madam Justice. “Lies of Omission?” Okay, yes, but the things that make me feel Muy Bueno, like a million bucks or even blissful. Remind me to shop Amazon for a new outfit. Anyway, those things people say are BAD. Those people, I believe, are liars. At least that’s what I want to speak. With my OLDS, I want to say that I do exist. They would fire back, “yeah, your name is on these bills.” I sound like an ungrateful bastard, don’t I? Pardon my French this afternoon. More importantly, pardon their lies about me. I should now have this conversation with the man in the mirror. His lies are the hardest because he goes out and listens to everyone. The Devil Is A Lie. Don’t Be Fated To Lies.

I Will Have No Fear