Gospel 324 ~Go To Bed B~

Right now, I want to go back to sleep and see if I can find Braxton. Hell, John Wick got another dog, and I dreamt I was Mr. Wick last night. It’s better than the dreams of my actual crime, and B III can’t wake me up anymore. “Go To Bed B.”

Friday, May 21, 2021

Gospel 324 ~Go To Bed B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can sleep without the money. Dare I say without the girl? But there’s Braxton.

Besides my tattoo, I’ve been thinking about getting one of those “Cuddle Clones.” Still, I haven’t been able to decide between B III sleeping or being awake. Braxton slept well. Okay, so that’s something you tell a baby, “oh, you’re such a good sleeper.” I’ve told the story of Braxton being my “pancake” and curling up in my lap as I sat working on stories. The Wednesday before he died, he didn’t take his post at the corner of my bed after I got back. He didn’t crawl on my legs, looking towards the door. B cried and my response. Father of the year says, “Go To Bed B,” like he hadn’t been sleeping all day. Still, he crawled under my arm, staying beside me.

There will always be the story of when I thought I left him outside all night. Of course, I didn’t. Only I was out running around in the morning while Braxton slept in his house. Any day when I was leaving, he would formulate a plot to get me to stay. He knew I wouldn’t leave him inside the bedroom. Denial, it seems, moving his bed and the dog gate. With the Day Job, Braxton gave up. It was too early even for him, or he knew I had made my choice like “Six: The Mark Unleashed.” The last free choice, the wrong choice Sophia. Yes, I’m still freaking out about the COVID-19 Vaccine. I’m not a man of faith; I deserve Hell… I’m there.

“I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I think you’re already there.” Jack Valentine

Because telling Braxton, he could rest either was an act of mercy or a fucking crime. I’ll tell the story of when I placed his water next to him. Braxton walked to its usual place. When he was dying, he wouldn’t sleep in the car. Braxton wouldn’t even lie down, not my son. Braxton fought for every single second of his life and what he wanted was to come home. Sometimes I’ll move his favorite toy to his spot on the bed, to the couch. I’ll keep it on my lap. Braxton was preparing me for “Times Like These.” I dreamt I was John Wick and Braxton was nowhere to be found. I slept longer, hoping when I woke… “Life finds a way;” “stuff and thangs.” Go To Bed B.

110 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Gospel 317 ~Ask Your Mother B~

Instead of looking for the perfect woman, the goddess, I’d like to think of a girl that would love Braxton as much as I do. I’m already crying enough for two, so let some woman kick my ass for what happened to him. “Ask Your Mother B.”

Friday, May 14, 2021

Gospel 317 ~Ask Your Mother B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s because I’m “creative,” or I like to think. Thinking about who Braxton’s Mom is.

She would have to be an early riser. I know I haven’t been the past few days. It’s going 8:30 AM about, which is super late for me. If there’s light in the sky, we walk him and me. Hell, I couldn’t even open the back gate a few days ago. It’s not me being sad, just the rain, hmm. Braxton would want her to be a better cook, not that he ever complained about mine. I can’t help wondering did all those McDonald’s fries have something to do with his passing. They last forever, you know. With all the food both B III and I shared, I killed him. Once again, I will never let go of that point. Then again, Mom blames herself.

Not that I would want Braxton’s Mom doing that. No, I am guilty. If she wants to blame me… It would be karma catching up to me. My Ma never blamed my “Father” for anything, and see how I feel about that man? To make B think the same of me, oh, that’s a crime, yep. On the other side of the equation, she’s not one of those “wait till your father gets home” types. Shall I imagine such love like my wife being here, and B runs from her to greet me? He chose me over everyone. He loves our kids, loves his Mom, but it’s Dad. I’m back. It took his death to turn me away from boobs, but my life… his world.

Only one woman outside the family held his sway, and that’s my second best friend. I’ve said before how she had to let him walk all over her, sharing four months of food and treats. There was a cake for his birthday and presents. Braxton’s party was an incredible time. His last days though… no Braxton, I’ll carry you, I’ll get you more water, I’ll help you. If any mother could do better, I would welcome that rather than him dying in my arms ever. Ask your Mom to save you even if you hate me for the rest of your life, son. Men save gods all the time; that’s why they’re not gods. Dog spelled backward, and Mother is God. Ask Your Mother B.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Gospel 310 ~Will Of The B-Cells~

To think that the moment of Braxton’s passing, “home” was the last place that I wanted to be. THEY say that home is where the heart is but with him being gone… It’s at least where I can say “whatever,” in peace. Will Of The B-Cells, no cure or escape

Friday, May 7, 2021

Gospel 310 ~Will Of The B-Cells~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, only I wish I could have bought Braxton that big house I promised. A yard, family…

I don’t know if you would consider Braxton lucky or like some military kid. Why does love always feel like a battlefield, as the song goes? Whether it be the two “homes” we had with my Olds and then this place, they did pay for; truth. My family’s home Sophia… Whatever do I call it now? Fuck you, ASM. My apologies Lady Sophia but whenever I say “whatever,” I’m set off by the ASM, and I won’t have him tell me how to speak again ever. Not that I’m doing much talking because I can’t even pretend that Braxton is listening anymore. Dammit, I should be ashamed of what I’ve let happen to B III’s home. I had an ant invasion; the backyard is wild. There is such filth everywhere.

Should I burst out with my best rendition of Michael Jackson’s Earth Song? Again I am sorry, Lady Sophia. I want to tell “Happy” stories of Braxton and me, but my hate has tainted everything. I would hold Braxton at night, and he was keeping my heart inside me, yeah. Now my heart died in a cage, and this broken man is all that remains. He didn’t look at this place as a Hell, a prison, or a trap. In these walls, he was safe with his Daddy despite everything. What is this? The third time I’m crying today because of those little eyes, hmm. The look that says, “Daddy can we go home?” It’s what he wanted, I keep telling myself, now smaller boxes.

There’s my urn pendant, the box that remains on my nightstand. The frame that shows our lives together. Please let Braxton be running along the Rainbow Bridge. My Braxton could be guarding the gates of Heaven or Hell. How about Braxton finding the eternal comfy spot. All it took was something inside him, killing him for five days, causing his chronic renal failure. I know it takes longer than that, but then there was the hatred that surrounded me. Love B shed and shared like so many hairs, Braxton saying, I will try to fix you. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t visit me. He can’t stand to see his Daddy like this, and I don’t blame him. This was his home, Will Of The B-Cells.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

Talk about a question I should never ask if I’m going to make a future not just for me, myself and I but also my son as well because home is where the heart is, and he could use a rest, but there is so much work to do to now. How To Stop Writing

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, did you ever stop after my long hiatus, why even call it that, didn’t I quit… strange that I don’t have an excuse for that when I have them for everything else but the stuff I don’t want to do, how many days do I miss the day job. Yesterday I figured I’d get something real done and I did begin writing my story “Apocalypse Rush” working title of course not that I’ll ever finish with editing.

I find that I have that same empty feeling as I usually do at The Closing Of The Year that promise of I’ll do better, and it never comes; if I am grateful for anything today, it’s that my “father” isn’t arriving by which I mean more time to worry next week. How about the fact that I have to cut the yard tomorrow, I have to make it dog-friendly but hasn’t my whole plan been to find us a home, I mean a real place not owned by others built by my success *sigh*. I keep coming back to this speech I heard that when you want success (wisdom) as badly as you want air, that’s when you’ll be successful, and that’s the problem.

Am I going to use suicide as an excuse, I’m not that dramatic today but how else do you stop writing because the clock shouldn’t serve as an excuse, my wants, and desires, hell the needs that I’m skimping on anyway. I can talk day and night about fear but that shouldn’t be it either, I gave in yesterday talking to GoDaddy about my blog and as Mr. Dink put it “Very Expensive.” How about the concept that I’m writing so I’ll have time for other things but for now shouldn’t everything be about writing anything other than more excuses?

Writing is more a conversation for Lady Sophia I take it, but what started all this was a BITCH, and you would think that would be enough, I don’t want to say fear or anger because that is giving her too much credit. Is that the answer, forgiveness, future, forgetfulness probably some other F words to be sure or maybe there is no end, I wouldn’t want to go all Fahrenheit 451, but I do want to play Detroit: Become Human so answer “you don’t” question How To Stop Writing.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

When I say hello to most people it’s a little obligation and when I say goodbye to those people there is nothing good about it, I genuinely wish I’ll never see the likes of them ever again, but when I first said hello to her. With Honey I’m Home

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, though honey I’m home seems a bit cliché, but so many hours talking to people I wouldn’t waste a hello on but with you, do I owe it to you or do I just love you so? On the other hand, I don’t tell you goodbye either, when it’s just the dog, and I ask him to be good, I remind him I’ll be back, to think when I take a step to leave him I’m heading back home already.

I know I’m not the most energetic person, “Good Morning” person, or have a good day, the walking in the house type of person, you’re here, so I’m happy, I don’t lie, and the last time I checked I live here. Maybe someday I’ll be greeted with “daddy, daddy” the children will regale us with stories of a better world, I’ll always read them stories before and bed and tell them goodnight before I find my way to you love. Goodbye though, the words have never bothered me because with you there is just no such thing, I’ll see you later, I’ll be back, how about I love you *sigh*?

Maybe I have high hopes for the world or higher aspirations for us that I can walk in and find you lying on our couch or in our bed and just snuggle up next to you? My name on your lips as you hold me close or we see each other next, for once that is something I would look forward to because everyone else just wants to take me away. In the morning or n the night, three little words are all I require if that because you’ll be the first thing I see when I wake and the last as I rest, who needs another cliché, just saying?

If anything I need to ask how I’ll speak to you at all, will it just be hello, hi, hey, Ha Ha, yeah my vocabulary is somewhat limited and honey… nah I can’t picture myself saying that though it would be nicer when strangers become friends and friends become lovers. Your name will mean so much, and beautiful will, of course, have a new meaning in the dictionary, but for now, I’m only trying to make my way to you.

When we’re together though; okay, one cliché, home is where the heart is so maybe when I find you there the first time, that’s the first and last time I’ll start With Honey I’m Home.

I Will Have No Fear

The Good Sip Anger

If anything I’m angry that I had to censor this or that I felt I had to censor this, I think I need a drink, but of course, I have never been a big drinker anyway. The Good Sip Anger, to put out this fire or to make it manageable.

Smoke coming out of my ears
A dragon’s tongue goes unheard

Never freed, as a mind is a terrible thing to waste
Just like a really good beer or tea
Bought by, for, about some beautiful stranger

The best you’ll never have
Happiness, joy, rapture, bliss, but who always wins the race
Tears for fears, a deal if you please
But I’ll go home to anger

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

New World Tours

A Whole New World meets Things You See In A Graveyard, I suppose someday the two will mesh at the rate things are going. New World Tours… I am no prophet or real estate agent but as the song goes come and take a walk with me.

As in welcome to the desert of the unclear
No wonder I can’t deal
A shattered king, nowhere to start
Perhaps a wherefore art
Some person, some place, something
Of course leading to nothing
Yet I walk and you follow
Will it be better tomorrow?

The light brings its doom
Here I thought you knew
Such wicked by and by
You know the fire inside
Which thus consumed the world
And the tale of the pretty girl
Now I plead the fifth
Let’s get on with it

But what’s left to be done
From a walk to a run
Imagine the moment of extinction
Still I look for distinction
For here I am alive
Wish I could say I tried
Pushing buttons and turning tables
Courageous failure or cowardly able

Because if you lived here
Would that be weird?
You’d be home by now
How would you live… how?
You’re not one of us
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Converted and born again
To die the first time friend

Does that mean I’m not dead at all
Rock bottom… a further fall
Or it could be a climb
This grave is not mine
Though I see the graveyard
Our world’s been torn apart
Are you still unsure?
I will give you a tour

Copyright © 2012, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Cupid’s Home Improvement

If a man wants an angel he must create a Heaven for her to live in… but who needs angels in Heaven? Now I don’t need saving but if my angel is on the way anyway I can at least try to make her comfortable… afterwards Cupid’s Home Improvement

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMIFljsaWvw

There’s a sale on bedsheets
A chill off the night air
or maybe I’m building a tent there
I could fly like a superhero
but I know
perhaps I should make peace
That they won’t be wrapped around you
After you… love me like you do
Only the conclusion…

Is another cold shower
Trip to Lowe’s, Home Depot…
where Christian Grey shops… I don’t know
Hell, are you really that hot
Think about you a lot
Louder and louder
The neighbors in their confusion

Knocking down my door
Doorbell warps
What are the balls and chains for?
Might think I’m insane
If I said I was building “The Red Room of Pain”
For who… don’t know anymore
Love is blind but where is Cupid

When we got this king size to ourselves
A financial mistake
Just hope it doesn’t break
While we Marvin Gaye and get it on
Because who has time to yawn
with Kama Sutra show and tell
Might need some sexual healing
After all the Home Improvement

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Yuna… Final Fantasy X [X-2], Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, “The Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James, Charlie Puth Ft. Meghan Trainor “Marvin Gaye” Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On”, “Sexual Healing”, and “The Kama Sutra” by Mallanaga Vatsyayana