Gospel 104 ~Will At First Sight~

Last week I said something like, love will find me because I ain’t looking for it. If anything, I’m looking at the clock after I took too long of a nap. As I ask the question, what is there to see. “Will At First Sight.”

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Gospel 104 ~Will At First Sight~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but all I see is you. Crowns cost money. A halo shouldn’t cost anything. Of course, all my hoodies have sentimental value. Is this my way of saying I like my baby’s shine? “Well, sometimes I just can’t believe you’re mine.” To me, you are divine. Yeah, I haven’t been in a poetic mood for quite some time because I would instead study you. You know as I keep my ears open to every song (minus gospel), and all my pop culture references. Baby girl, “can’t take my eyes off you.”

Let’s say I did, and not for sleep. It’s my act of faith, hope, and love. So I ask you, do you trust me. Is that why I ask baby doll, “let me share this whole new world with you.” As long as I close my eyes and know that you’re beside me always, but you are my dream, love. Only I’m awake now, and when we first got together, well. Besides wanting the voice to sing this, “If I had one wish?” Ok, I’m going to be selfish, but I’ve always wanted a surprise party. You know how I am about E-Day, but that’s because nobody cares but you. Strangely enough, this is coming from a man that hates not being in control. Only to hear you ask me to close my eyes and when I open them to know. “Maybe, I’m amazed,” but with you, I always am.

The fact remains that even now, I still close my eyes when I pass by mirrors. Well, unless I get hurt or something. Today I checked out my ear because it got clocked by some camera rigging (my wishful thinking). Yet when I see you checking me out, well damn. When the day comes… no, I won’t even give voice to that understanding. My eyes will be full of tears. Yes, I know, I’m a broken record when I talk my eyes, his, but My Love, Your Eyes? Knowing that I’m no less of a man, that I can be, well, anything when we’re together. Now THEY say love is blind, and I’m not sure if I agree or not. It’s only the way I see you in my words, how every night you’re a starry-eyed surprise, how we are counting stars and dog hair.

Loving Will At First Sight.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

Unlike a zombie virus, I think love will find me someday. Well, I do have puppy love if you count my little pancake running around the house. Maybe it’s all his hair floating around everywhere or a change in the weather. Will Goes To L

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 097 ~Will Goes To L~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but my favorite color will always be black. While I like tigers, my favorite animal will always be my dæmon. How many secrets do I want to share with you? LOTS. The L-word Baby Doll? I wish I could say that you were the first woman I ever said that too. People can be bad influences using that word all Willy-nilly. I tell my dæmon, you, our other children every day. I love you. Look at me being all sentimental and because of a stuffy nose. I can be a big baby when I get… nope.

Let me LIVE the dream. The Impossible Dream because I’m not sick. Only when you live in the plague era for going on how many months? There were times where I merely existed from one day to another. I want to breathe because one day I’ll have lots to say. Not only about the current bit of LITERATURE I’m reading. I could talk about books for hours and how many times I’ve been, Accidentally In Love, as the song goes. We haven’t taken the kids to the library in ages, and now my favorite movie spot is about to close. It’s like LISTENING to all those 40s and 50s apocalyptic tracks that are now coming true. If something was wrong with me, I wouldn’t want you here and at that time… well, you know me, misery and company as THEY say. Yet you’re my sunshine.

Baby, You’re My LIGHT, so am I in Heaven already. Anything without you would be Hell. Damn, how serious did that get? It’s like looking on WebMD that will always tell you you’re dying. We should be enjoying the sunshine or basking in each other. Surrounding ourselves in this thing called LIFE. If I’ve learned anything from my End of the World ideology. People like me are practically immortal. Well, I got lucky; I didn’t have to wait for the zombie lot to find you. I’m the only boy, and you’re the only girl, ha. We Found LOVE in a hopeless place. Yeah, do I want to stay listening to Spotify all day. I could hear you tell me that you love me repeatedly. The kids are someone laughing at the dæmon. He would Dance On Our Graves now. Hate keeps you living; love’s worth dying. Will Goes To L

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

Babbling, Blaming but Behaving as it is Tuesday. Nobody ever blames me for making sense or being a nice guy. Anyway, I suppose my future wife is looking forward to blaming me, and yeah, it will be guilty as charged, probably. “Will You Blame Me”

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Gospel 090 ~Will You Blame Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I want to give you the world? My Love, I’ve told you, I’m a Traditionalist, and my Mom raised a gentleman. Well, she did her best. Only you can put the blame on me. Yes, baby girl, I’m all guilty about a great many things. Now I could blame society on top of being one for ahem TRADITION. I’m a movie buff. They’re all filled with men being in the wrong. I could blame um… nobody, yeah, no one at all. For the record, I never understood what I was apologizing for. How about fear?

It didn’t stop me when it came to you. Still, as the song goes, “Fear is the Heart of Love.” Only that’s my fear, and yet you’re here. We chose to share our lives, and isn’t this it. How can I give such terror to the woman I love? See, I want to say I’m sorry for such a thing. What about repeating myself over and over? I know you heard me, I know it’s okay. A man said that his girlfriend was the first person to have any faith in him. You, sweet baby doll, are the first person to ever hear me and not reject me, roar at me, or go running away. You can blame me for wishing to know everything about you. THEY say what you know can’t hurt you. Hell, I’ve told you everything, and even now, I’m sure I’m lying about that but not intentionally. It’s the guilt, though.

Will you blame me if I can’t be the husband you deserve? I love you, but I have dreams, and maybe one day you’ll be the last. You’re the one that I hope never ends, but my writing, my woman, and my world. I’m guilty of wanting everything. It’s never-ending. Will you blame me for not being the best father? I never was even when it was only my firstborn. I know that money isn’t the end all be all. Now that was my father. There’re reasons you’ll never meet him. He showed me how not to be when you wake up suddenly you’re in love. Will you blame me for losing and trying again? For knowing that you might hate me someday. Yes, for being the man you chose?

Guilty of loving you always. Now, will you blame me?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

The will to succeed and to love; if only I believe and as Whitney Houston sang, “I believe in you and me. However, these days I’m more for Whitney Wright. Only she’s not the one that cost me everything. “When Will Is Enough,” because that’s all I got

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Gospel 083 ~When Will Is Enough~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I studied great men like Dennis Hof, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, among others. Now, what was it I said about listening to old white men? Well, Baby Doll, I’m not trying to be president, and if what I do hasn’t got you running now? Anyway, you know I’ve been having a hard time as of late. One of my places got shut down; girls, guys, green of those dollars. I remain a traditionalist. A man provides, and if he can’t, then why does he have a family, to begin with.

I think back to my second best friend’s wedding. I remember the preacher man saying, this guy is terrific, but he isn’t Jesus. He said that my friend, the bride, is fantastic, but she isn’t Jesus. Now you know I have to sing, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Entertaining, am I not? I guess I’m better in book form. The will to plop down and write a story, and for what or who? It’s better now that I am a success and then something like this goes and… it hurts My Love. It’s like a physical blow that somehow hits the soul too. You know how I am with touch, and my Dæmon suffers. Having someone you love (his grandfather) kick him four feet is enough to make anybody jumpy. A bad joke but this all feels like one lousy joke, you know.

Those incredible men I mentioned above did other things. That’s before getting into the lifestyle. I am who I am. Only to this day, I will tell anybody, I’m a bad man. I suppose my mother would be ashamed of me, and yet Baby Girl, you’re still here, you’re not leaving. Everything is ripped away, and it’s not the end of the world. Dennis Hof did his homework on Dale Carnegie. Great men are made by other great men. They all had the will to keep going despite hard times, hateful people, hits that put Flynt in a wheelchair. “Cause your love is my love, And my love is your love.” How about “Love is all you need.” A woman like you heals my soul and my body. I want it to be enough, which is probably why… That’s a conversation for another time, hmm.

It worked for Christian Grey, but When Will Is Enough.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

Tell me about yourself? If only you knew how hard it is to come up with shows and movies. Yeah, I’m an open book, but I find out I’m not that likable when I’m being honest. Well, this is honest, but… “Will He Get Likes,” maybe with a special someone.

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Gospel 076 ~Will He Get Likes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because people are obsessed with me. Well, more to the point, I hope you are. Of course, I’m thinking in a Taylor Townsend sort of way… The O.C. I saw every episode of that show. One more thing I love about you is that I don’t have to explain all my pop culture references. From the poem Give Me A Chance by Beau Sia’s. Yes, I am a bit of a pop-culture whore. To Star Wars. And to this day, I still remember sending my second best friend home for falling asleep. That’s love.

The things I watch and read to those I dare to dream would make anyone want to run away. That’s why I’m an open book with you, My Love, but I keep in mind the words of my “Big Sister.” “You can’t build a strip club next to a school,” she told me. Of course, that was before we penned the best story I’ve ever had my name on. Even that, I can never share with the whole wide world daily. Maybe that’s why I’m needy? Um, that’s no good but my taste in media…

The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, WWE, Z Nation, Cobra Kai, Colony, Secret Girlfriend, Into The Badlands, Solitary, A Million Little Things, Containment, Ridiculousness, Firefly, Dead Like Me, Rahxephon, Girlfriend Reviews, Star Trek Deep Space Nine, Survivors, V, Samurai Champloo, Cowboy Bebop, How I Met Your Mother, Blue Gender, Battle Royale, A Quiet Place, In Time, Pontypool, Everything Everything, They Live, The Belko Experiment, Hunger, Star Wars Franchise, Marvel Franchise, Young Adult Franchises, Passengers, Nerve, Blindness, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, Dogma, Daybreak, Fifty Shades Of Grey, The Purge Franchise, Snowpiercer Franchise, Apocalyptic, Horror, Sci-Fi

Yes, I’m still working on my profile page, but I shouldn’t bring my work home. You kind of like my work, hell you’ve read, watched, and been a part of it for the record. All because I’m worried people don’t like me. Nevertheless, you love me very much, and what age are the kids again… teenage years SIGH. I must sound like a fossil sometimes, an old dusty book on the shelf. Still, you pick me up, and I’m not sad only; it will be a long day of hope.

Hoping is exhausting, love’s peaceful, but Will He Get Likes?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Last week I said something about people disappearing, and I don’t need the usual magic words. If you ever read what I write, it’s like Spinelli and Maxie all over again. You know, from General Hospital years ago? Willing To Say Anything to not be me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Gospel 062 ~Willing To Say Anything~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which could make me a Republican or at least a fan. No, never, as the song goes, I’ll Be (the greatest fan of your life.) Yes, I know it’s getting kind of late, and I can’t say I’m an expert at pillow talk or speech period. One more reason I’m a writer and this. I write to test out everything I want to say and to learn what I shouldn’t. Being your man and all, I know plenty of things a woman says when she’s annoyed. There are things a man shouldn’t forget. Then there’s these.

When you say nothing at all. Damn, I want to tell you everything, but I’m still afraid of how it will look. If I say nothing, then I know I can’t screw anything up, and I never mastered that courtly love concept. If you say nothing, then you’re like all the rest in my life. Obsessed with that idea, right? Baby girl, I believe love is a chemical, a drug, an obsession. You’ve seen all these people breaking up during the plague era who can’t stand to be around each other for ten minutes. I said I would share my life, and I mean it. My soul is in my writing. Do you know what it’s like to have it be seen and tossed aside like so much garbage? That’s why it takes forever for me to let you see it. I want you to be better, I want you to say something, please anything.

I tell you I love you, and you know that the phrase is used far too often. Hell, I shared one of my first books with a woman, and that scared her off quick. Such was her vanity, or so I believe. I don’t mean to complain, but how am I going to get to sleep tonight. Well, besides doing that, ha. Again the things I want to say to you, My Love or more to the point, do to you. It still surprises me that you haven’t left. There’s this movie I saw once. It’s about an artist who got married but lost his spark because his wife didn’t understand him or his work. Slaves To Passion, I guess. If I could tell you everything though… Stay With Me.

Let My Baby Stay, I pray. Willing To Say Anything.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

Nobody is ever “real” with me, it’s like everyone is a magician, and I’m an audience of one watching them disappear. I’m left echoing, “how’d they do that?” One reason I listen to so much music. “Got To Be Will,” but what about anyone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Gospel 055 ~Got To Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, I am a lover and friend, and the best daddy. Yeah, I also sound like a particular Will Smith song. Of course, I’ll never say anything negative about the guy, and you know why that is. I’m being me, My Love, I got to be Will. That’s why I love you so much. As always, another song AHEM, that’s all I “Ask Of You.” I know this week has only just begun, but I’m wishing I’d stayed in bed. Geez, I’m going to sound like one of my Spotify playlists, but would you lie with me?

I tell you I need space one day, and the next, I need you to never let me go. Yeah, I got “Issues,” and how many songs is that? I’m around 7 so far but darling “Stay With Me,” please. It’s not like I can hear anyone else and “You’re All I Need To Get By.” Are you annoyed yet? I choose every single day to share my life with you. Now, this is something I can never diminish. My firstborn has his Trump-like loyalty to me. Um, that’s scary. The kids aren’t going anywhere so soon. They grow up so fast I always hear. But “Only You” baby girl… It’s not the fact that you choose to be with me though you have, and I am forever grateful. You know I believe that “Your Love Is My Drug.” I could blurt out 1 Corinthians or talk about all your heart, soul, and mind. Yeah, me and my pride again.

If today were Thursday, and what have I said about scheduling “relations?” I can’t help it as it comes with the job. Well, Kagney Linn Karter on the set called Dane Cross her Superman. Again I look at all I have lost, the many friends, the motivation, the money, and why? I’m a moron, a misanthropist, I mention the likes of Kagney Linn Karter. My Love, I am no hero, most days I don’t consider myself a good man though it’s nice to hear you call me one. I’m only Will, and if I am to be real with you, I’m asking, would you be too. Hell, didn’t we settle this with an I Do, I Will, or something to that effect? Yes, and still I ask always, “I Wanna Know,” Got To Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 048 ~Will Needs His Space~

I get pretty tongue-tied when I talk to women, and then I go ahead and write something like this… It’s a reason I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, and people call me a headcase. Will Needs His Space.

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Gospel 048 ~Will Needs His Space~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad? Well, I know quite a few Republicans that hate so much more. Only I don’t want to speak about hate because I love you. Talk about Doublethink, I tell you all the time you take my breath away. Sometimes it’s like I’ll overflow with everything about you. Today though, it was like being in love with the stars, how high can I go. It was like loving a grave. Make no mistake, I would die for you. I was reminded of that poem Suicide’s Note.

“The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss.” –

Langston Hughes

You’re not “Equipped” to be loved this much. Well, you did marry me, after all. Now you know I come out of nowhere with my music, but today I want to share my favorite song with you, one anyway. It’s called Moondust (Stripped; EP Version) by Jamyes Young. He sings about burying his love, and for some reason, this stands out to me. It’s not only because of my novel. I named “The Business,” “The Moondust.” I’ve been thinking about how many friends I’ve lost and how I’m always afraid that someday you’ll leave. One wrong word, and it’ll be like something out of the movie “Pontypool.” You say I’m a hard man to know, and I want to be so close but not today. Hell all the movies, music, my manuscript, to tell you the truth. Okay then, I’m mad as Hell, My Love.

That’s what I’m burying, this rage that I feel at so many that I know it would send you running. As the song goes, I bury my love to give the world to you. I won’t have you rob me of my hate, but I can’t give it to you.

I bury my tears everywhere else but not where you can see them. A man ain’t supposed to cry; yeah, another song. I need to lie down, though, and I don’t know if you or my firstborn could help me.


I bury myself in my work… no, not like that. Let me work harder or, as people say, all work and no play. I need some awesome video game carnage, and does that make me sound like a kid again.

Now that’s what I won’t do? I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I keep burying the man I am, and for what? I love you.

Only Will Needs His Space.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

The beginning of a new week and even now I don’t want to talk about it. Every word I say… at least tonight, I don’t have to bother with a poem. I’m also keeping my pants firmly buttoned, or tied, sweat pants. “Will, You Button Up”

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I push buttons for a living. I have those of my characters, my customers; yours Cara mia. Funny, I should bring up Gomez Addams’s pet name for his wife. I ask you plenty of things, but today the question is, are you afraid? I know that I am. Now before I burst into a rendition of that’s all I ask of you, I have some demands. I would do Anything for Love, but I will not be made a fool of. My Love, you must have courage. What I am learning again is this. I will not beg.

You want to know what scares me? One day I’m going to return home and have to ring my own freaking doorbell. Baby girl, you know my views on cursing. Anyway, the point is I think someday you’ll go and change the locks on me and I don’t know why. It might be some other guy hell some girl than is buttoning up, my kids for school. The idea that my family might be taken away from me well. You’ve seen me with my Firstborn, and you know what I would do to protect every little hair on his head. It horrifies me, the thought of something happening to you, Baby Doll. Ask any friend, ask my father, who I hope you’ll never meet. When I say the word “always,” I mean it. Sticking with my musical motif, I would fight, lie, walk the wire, and die for you. Should I shut-up or button up?

One of my heroes, Dennis Hof, he talked about being “mother fucked.” Pardon my language, but what he said was that when a person betrayed him, they stopped existing. What if you asked me to give up my dreams? To send it all crashing down at the push of a button? My Love if with this life I did it “My Way,” I would never button my pants again. There is no way I would leave this bed being with you. Didn’t one of The Beatles pull that off? Which brings me to today or indeed last night. One more friend gone, blocked, deleted, gone. When I dared to speak of it, somebody else disappeared. Will I be a man of courage or a hard man to know? Will you say, “Will, You Button Up?”

I Will Have No Fear