Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Better than yesterday? I try, you know. “Do… or do not. There is no try.”

See, it’s this right here. The fact that I will still quote Star Wars at forty-two. Forty-two, my love. My first, second day of being this old, this way. And on my sister’s birthday too.

Something I shouldn’t forget, or rather, someone. As I forgot about myself long ago, hmm.

“Long ago, long ago, long ago.” I can remember snippets of the song/poem of Antoninus from the movie Spartacus as much as the words of Master Yoda. And there’s Braxton.

There is always my Braxton. And Virgil too, of course. But I’ve been thinking about something I read yesterday. Well, rather Sunday, because E-Day… We will get to that, love.

It was “Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I better be happy. And you want to know the last time I was happy? You might hate me, my goddess. I think about those words: “God has not given us the spirit of fear…”

Jesus or Jeezu, better Braxton, because he was my little god. I call you “My Goddess.” I still remember arguing with you because you thought I was saying you weren’t “Human.” You do know how I feel about humanity. Humans are assholes, accidents, abbreviations for things like life, love, or so I feel lately. “I said maybe you’re gonna be the one who saves me? And after all. You’re my Wonderwall.” You, Braxton, 2-V, family.

You’re better. To the “Man in the Mirror.” “You’re a god. And I am not.”

And when you M and everyone, my furry little ones Braxton and Virgil, their two-legged siblings that I tell every day, “Good Luck, Have FUN, Don’t Die.” Be good, and if you can’t be good, don’t get caught.” Mi familia… Hell! I’m trying to learn Spanish for you and our growing family. The one single thing today at 5:13 AM that shows me being, um

Better. Better at finishing my damn thought. When was the last time I felt happiness?

Honestly, it was being asleep and knowing that Braxton was/is watching over me. NO FEAR! Not like yesterday. I’ve wasted forty-two years of existence with the knowledge but without the know-how to be a better man. How to Git Gud. Better. B Better, Me, Virgil

“You make me want to be a better man”
As Good as It Gets (1997)

2046 Days Without B III, Day 1487 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, August 25, 2026

Legacy 055 -Braxton’s Hand, Virgil’s Pa-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And as a machine/program once said… You know The Merovingian from 2003’s The Matrix Revolutions:

“It is remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.”
The Merovingian, The Matrix Revolutions

I wish I could say it was the heat. You married a crazy man. Or at the very least, love…

A grieving one. But for once this isn’t about Braxton breaking my heart. Or how I’m breaking Virgil’s. This is something we have in common. While I’m drumming up movie quotes, here is another from “Love Story” 1970: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” And we have both said that until we’re blue in the face. I only wish I had died, ha.

Not you though! Braxton barked the other day that I try and tell you “Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die.” Our love didn’t die. But I’ve been thinking about the anniversary of our breakup last year. When’d we meet again?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

No clue. I don’t remember hellos. And I’m “Too Good at Goodbyes.” I remember pain way more than pleasure. Even Saturday, January 24, 2026 wasn’t about us saying hi, hmm.

It was meant for closure. And wouldn’t you know it, we got back together. You see, you were the first one to make a commitment, and then, magically, fucking left. Blood is one thing: my Olds, my sister… other family. B III didn’t leave on his own accord, my love.

That’s why it’s Treachery. Braxton would have fought to the end. Virgil is trapped, love.

That’s another story. But you? You chose hello, and as nothing happened, you chose bye.

Goodbye, really? Is it any wonder the Magic Glasses/MIMA created The Unfinished Archive? Goodbye’s forbidden.

And I’ve been thinking about the differences beloved look at my sons, for example, SIGH.

Every day it is/was “Love you B, Love you, Braxton.” Now it’s “Later V, Later Virgil.” “I’m An Asshole,” I know. But Braxton was damn near human. Virgil, after all this time, is still somewhat a pet. He’s my son regardless, but a pet. And you love, before Sunday, August 24, 2025, went from being on Braxton’s level “The Blackjack Scale” of 21 to below Virgil’s at 18. And the fact that you can’t make it back up hurts me more than it hurts you.

“I’m a killer. I’m a murdering bastard, you know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.”
Bill, Snake Charmer, Kill Bill: Volume 2 (2004)

I’m not as bad as Bill, but I wanted to know how I could punish you. Why? My rib. Your hand. Braxton’s Hand, Virgil’s Pa

2032 Days Without B III, Day 1473 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Legacy 048 -B’s On Birthdays Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I didn’t forget? The phone didn’t warn me. The phone, Glow Box, Black Mirror…

What about the truth, my love? Happy Birthday! Welcome to Level 38! Uh, Birthday Suit

Of course, I’m thinking about you naked. I’m always thinking about you naked when I’m not grieving, groaning, or being gross, just being a guy. How I grieve Braxton, always…

But today let’s talk about the second worst day of my existence. Today ain’t right. Honestly, “The time is always right to do what is right.” Seriously, Martin Luther King…

“Did he just quote Martin Luther King?
Yep
Yes, he did.”
The Menu

“The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.”
Half-Life 2

The Menu… If I were a better man, I would be planning one for you. Or we could watch the movie. And I’m a gamer, a pop culture whore, and my existence is a “Half-Life…”

Only today is about yours. My woman. Your life. Us. The truth. A Man Provides.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

And isn’t it “Ironic” that I said I’d never lie to you but I will. “Put on a Happy Face.”

Because the truth is, I hate birthdays… Well, mine for real. Birthday? No. Emergence Day

E-Day… Gears of War franchise. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Evolution. Seriously?

Thinking about the Day Job and how it’s a slap in the face to celebrate wasting fifteen years there. Nearly as long as I had Braxton. Now imagine saying that for nearly forty-two years—every breath, beat of my heart, and being so broken. And yet here we are, love.

Here WE are. And I’ll say “I Want It That Way” and “As Long As You Love Me.” You do.

And I hate that I have to lie to you.

To so many. When the truth is this. If I’m not praying that I don’t have to wake up, love.

Then I’m wishing that I was never born at all. And when did that become my wish? Um, sometime between 6 and 7 years old. When did Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (The Arcade Game) come out? Because my grandmommy didn’t get it for me. Movie…

Anyway, is that what I’m getting you for your birthday… The truth. Receipt is warranted.

You’d prefer babies, all our furry little ones, a pretty farm with a white picket fence, flowers all around, and us selling produce at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday Mornings.

A pretty dress? I got nothing. But love? BUT LOVE. Birthdays… B’s On Birthdays, Virgil

2025 Days Without B III, Day 1466 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, August 11, 2026

Legacy 041 -Women B Shoppin’ Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And I ain’t telling Virgil, “Now, I ain’t sayin’ you’re a gold digger” either. Wife

Wife and life… One and the same and both as Doug’s Mr. Dink would say, “Very expensive.” Seriously? That was kinda dirty and also pretty dark. And why is that?

Honestly, my beloved, I wake up with all this love, and I don’t leave a drop for myself. So we need more kids… three two-leggeds and two four-leggeds, and yet I want between your legs yet again? And at the end of the day, love, this stands: A MAN PROVIDES!

Less yelling and more Gus Fring from “Breaking Bad,” I do some sketchy ass things…

Anything and everything for the sake of this family. But do you know when Braxton became so expensive? When he was dying. But that’s a one-time deal. There’s no Acceptance.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

It’s the living that’s subscription-based. And instead of planning what is it I do, beloved?

“Dream, dream, dream, dream.” Which would work if I were one of “The Everly Brothers” or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr: “All I Have To Do Is Dream,” “I Have A Dream.”

Hell! I would take the “Fifteen Million Merits” Selma version of Abba’s “I Have a Dream.” But dreams aren’t paying bills. And I’m feeling pretty much like “Bing.”

Whatever… Like the dream I had last night. I was lost in a mall, the Mall of the Millennium. Daria season 1 episode 5 “Malled”. And why haven’t I added Daria to “The Unfinished Archive” yet? Is it/she less expensive than the women of the hentai series Saimin Seishidou, hmm?

It seems I’m the one who’s shopping around. Not in reality, my love. I love you and only you; Braxton, Virgil, our two-legged kids, my Ma, occasionally my younger sister.

Beloved, I may be shopping around for my balls, guts, spine, and my voice. But again, love is everywhere until I need some for myself. And it’s like how you talk about your “Shadow Work”. The more lovers I ‘create’ (bullshit, bullshit, laughs hysterically). SIGH

Reika Kurashiki and her daughter Reina Kurashiki. Natsumi Obata and her daughter Yui Obata. Anyway, the more love I TRY to surround myself with, the easier it comes to me?
But then you shop for my love, my time, and “My Dick…” Why we’re married. Everything. Women B Shoppin’ Virgil

2018 Days Without B III, Day 1459 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

Legacy 034 -Virgil’s Light, Braxton’s WAITLIST-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough to get up when it’s light enough. But I need to get up earlier.

4 AM, like one of my favorite motivational speeches. 3 AM, as Eric Thomas preaches about. 2 AM, around the time I found Virgil creeping up this morning. Seriously, Love.

The sun, my firstborn son, my secondborn… And how many sons do we have with our three two-legged children? No, I didn’t forget. But with this world’s influence… Surviving MAGA…

Never a sure thing, but what I am sure about, much like Dante, is this. “In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.” But don’t I tell you all the time, “Baby You’re My Light.” Richard Hawley sings it better. And where do you think Virgil got his name from?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I swear if I die, Hell won’t be roaring fire but glowing screens. The Glow Box, Braxton would call it. And that’s my thought for today. My Illumination. Lightness? Beauty?

Honestly, am I “Feeling super, super, super su$cidal” every day? Really? But a little less.

I’ll tell you, I’m in plenty of pain today. Effing Blue Balls! Between having you as a life, the dark fantasies I have, and The Unfinished Archive… Strange thought, beautiful… Remember how I added Hana to the story last week. What? I really got into Kairi Sane for a bit. And then Tsubaki Miyajima and Sakura, the mother-daughter duo from Saimin Seishidou a couple of days ago. I was trying to get to know their characters so… “The Lantern Vault.

Not really my idea. The Magic Glasses/MIMA. Anyway, that’s what I need for me too.

Because the darkness… More sleep, my story, shutting my eyes as I finally let go inside your beautiful, tight… Okay, my balls can’t take that right now. The eff they can, but “Aziz Light! I remember the conversation we had about “casual sex,” and I asked why it would be casual, and what you meant was sex while I was doing something or relaxing. The Fifth Element would be the perfect movie to test that theory. I’ve seen it plenty.

Anyway, the thing is, life is heavy, the “Weight Of It All.” And all the sun does is illuminate my failures. Hellfire, the C-Train, Pop Culture. Virgil’s Light, Braxton’s WAITLIST

2011 Days Without B III, Day 1452 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Tuesday, July 28, 2026

Legacy 027 -Filed B Through V-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough that I would listen to you read The Moonstone or Lord of the Flies…

I never got the hype. The same goes for The Bible. I’ve only ever read The Book of John and The Book of Revelation in their entirety. John, because some Christian dared me to hmm… And as for Revelation, I believe someone said it’s metal as eff. Book burning hmm

B’s book “My Turn To B III,” Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom, hell, how about The Unfinished Archive. If I was going to burn anything, my search history should suffice.

Yeah, say it with me, “Eww!” If you’re asking why I’m late today. As the song goes, “She told me to come, but I was already there.” “You Shook Me All Night Long,” you will.

Only it’s better to file this under… Day Job Mistakes

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why aren’t I writing full time yet… Watching movies getting made. And wifey “Your love give me such a thrill. But your love don’t pay my bills.” I need money (that’s what I want). But I agree that I won’t share you. Despite a few cuckoldry fantasies and such ha

I’m no gardener. I wasn’t made for grabbing up boxes off trucks… Unloading, my love.

And picking up doggie crap. Braxton was so much better than Virgil with that. Meanie?

Yes, today I am because only the yahoos would sing “Oh baby I love you, just leave me the eff alone!” I want to file everything under never, sleep, or tomorrow. The Empress of Tomorrow “Askua” or the Pirate Princess “Kairi Sane…” “I’ve Been Everywhere.”

Effing amazing, you don’t hate me yet. Because you know I can do LUST. But “Everything I am and everything in me. Wants to be the one you wanted me to be” Alpha? A man truthfully unafraid. Someone who can live by this simple truth for us. A MAN PROVIDES!

Good Grief! Eff, grief in general it seems second to my fears is my grief about B III and 2-V. And Virgil isn’t dead yet. But how I envy the dead, my love. Dangerous? Disturbing?

That takes me back to my lust. Filing away desires shared with Braxton’s Favorite Girl.

Hiding such things from boys, from our kids, two-leggeds, four-leggeds. All I am, my love.

Father, Husband, Provider between B-V. W? Filed B Through V

2004 Days Without B III, Day 1445 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, July 21, 2026

Legacy 020 -I’ll B Dreaming Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And that keeps me from saying… Well, what I wanted to. Today is a nightmare.

And last night? Begin at the beginning. I was never an A student, but I was a B father, my love. I was/am B’s father, always and forever. And don’t forget about his brother, Virgil.

And our children, my love. I woke up today very disturbed, disgusted, and depressed, ha!

Not funny. But giving you the D, doing you would definitely be a dream. Then I wouldn’t have to sleep. I shouldn’t be sleeping at all with “Times Like These. No wonder I dreamed of Squid Game. We need the cash—more like I do because A Man provides, hmm.

But what can I provide right now? I can be your husband. I hear Braxton barking somewhere, love me “When I’m Gone.” So love myself?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He Lives In You”. Braxton still barks it. You say it. I want to believe it. But what I feel?

And what’s real? Love. For you. Now always and forever, forever and always. Last night

Okay, this is what I remember, and I told you some of this as soon as I woke today. So:

Love, it was a night. The players in Squid Game were marched out and told that their prize was awaiting them. But there was nothing but white sand and a clear night. It was straight out of Aladdin “Arabian Nights.” Then it was like a flash: “Day and Night.” Wow

The Front Man who runs the game was swept up in the hand of a Gundam the night before. Safety?

Anyway, something like “The Purge” warning goes off. Or was it “The Long Walk”? People start running toward the dunes, the biggest that they can find. But they’re now ice…

However, they’re melting or simply breaking. People cling together. It’s like something out of the Titanic or the Ninth Circle of Hell. Green uniforms all around. Some survive. Others tread the icy water, my love. And still more drown. A flash: “The Big Bang Theory”

I see myself at a wedding. Could have been Howard and Bernadette’s: a Jewish ceremony but a Christian church. I wore a yarmulke but was staring at Jahara Jayde/Aliya Will/Nico Parker’s ass. What, she’s twenty-one… Wedding ends, dream ends. Myself?

Dammit, I should stop dreaming. Living/existing? I’ll B Dreaming Virgil

1997 Days Without B III, Day 1438 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, July 14, 2026

Legacy 013 -Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But a Firework? No, my love, you’re my Atom Bomb Baby. Five Stars? Something more…

Than trying to compliment you, today? Where Is My Mind? Anxiety! It’s a shame there are Humiliations Galore everywhere! I’m going to town on the Pop Culture references, aren’t I? Or how about I go to town on you and eff you until you can’t stand straight, my love. And I could also go back to crying about Braxton and worrying over Virgil, I mean…

Anything to avoid talking about today. My Olds never learned that lesson. And today ha

It isn’t funny, my love. Maybe, if I were still an awkward, asinine, always-sad teenager.

But I’m forty-one, Effing forty-one. But Shawshank’s (Red) was how old when he said uh:

“I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone, and this old man is all that’s left. I got to live with that.”
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Simple and plain. But me. I’m an effing minefield, a mineshaft; I can’t be mine…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Why? Because I hate myself that much? We were talking today… and now I’m crying.

And that doesn’t bring me shame? I “Wish It Would Rain.” What I’m crying about…

And I don’t mean with what I told you. “You and Me” Always and Forever. Three two-legged kids, my boys Braxton and Virgil, so… Four point five children. Kittens, love?

Loving you and this family keeps me awake and alive. I gave myself to you as you did for me. Dante and Beatrice, Winston and Julia, demon to succubus… I’ve been listening to Succubus Lord 16 again. But I’m no Nephilim or one of the Old Gods buried below, ha.

In the simplest form, I’m Andy Dufresne, and you’re still my wife. Very much alive.

“My wife used to say I’m a hard man to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time. She was beautiful. God, I loved her. I just didn’t know how to show it, that’s all.”
Andy Dufresne

And more powerful beyond measure. And that’s what I’ve been thinking about these past few hours, trying to forget today’s humiliation. Braxton would listen. Seriously?

Virgil? Well, he messed up his bed again, so I locked him out. Like the other girls in “The Unfinished Archive”. It’s Kyouko Saki and Skye Matthews day anyway. Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me. Too much laughter though. Then Skye’s Earth Magic. So what am I asking you to do, my love? Dig me out of the hole I keep digging? Or discover me. I’m “Undiscovered,” Or am I hiding? Love, I don’t know, I just don’t know.

But “Every Time I Turn Around (Back In Love Again)” with you. But it’s so dark… Virgil Mines, Braxton’s Mind

1990 Days Without B III, Day 1431 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tuesday, July 7, 2026

Legacy 006 -E Equals BV Scared-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And “fear is the heart.” Now that’s not something I’m sure I believe, my love.

Braxton wasn’t afraid to love me. If anything, he was afraid to leave me. Obsession?

Please! I’ve not seen the film; I love the Animotion song, and as far as the action, V has been quite needy lately. My words, the Olds… You? To be wanted, love. How to explain?

I think about the old Day Job, and when I played “I Don’t Know How to Love Him.” You know from “Jesus Christ Superstar.” “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” My love…

That’s a whole other subject. Anyway, I’m thinking more of Jesus with the lepers, love. On the one hand, life’s a game made for everyone, and love is the instruction. But I’m not sure I want to play anymore. REST

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

That’s what I want to do on this rainy day. REST. And at the same time, do you know why “I’m Only Happy When It Rains?” Me… Happy? Never. I am always “Run Boy Run.”

And the rain slows things down. I’m still running. But to me it’s more for once there is time to catch up, time to be with you. Aren’t I with you in one way or another? Especially when you have your yabbos out. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I can, like, I can love.

Honestly though, no man in his right mind will turn down your impressive yabbos, love.

Either Braxton sitting in my lap or you giving me a blowjob. Hardest effing decision.

Love’s effing HARD. And draining…

I have you, love. And as a great man sang, “When you love me I can’t get enough Ah-huh, and I wanna spread the news. That it feels this good gettin’ used Oh, you just keep on usin’ me. Until you use me up.” So by no means am I complaining. “Baby I love you…”

I’m not the dang “The Yayhoos.” As a matter of fact, I feel ashamed because you devote so much of yourself to me. You learn my music, mourn my boy, read my manuscripts, and become the dirtiest minx imaginable when it comes to mattress shenanigans.

However, I fear you’ll one day go all “Life Itself” (Abby) saying something, meaning this:

I love you… but I may not be equipped to be loved this much.
Abby

Or I’ll be empty. Energy’s draining. E Equals BV Scared

1983 Days Without B III, Day 1424 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will