Gospel 266 ~B III Of Numbers~

I’ll be broke again “financially,” speaking soon enough. I’m still “broken.” It’s been seven weeks. A lost son times 7 weeks, plus $1400, divided by a week in a “different” Hell the (Day Job). B III Of Numbers, not as long as I’m still breathing

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Gospel 266 ~B III Of Numbers~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, with an extra $1,400 to spend. I’m not ungrateful, but what happened with my last check?

Is it a sin to keep retelling the same story? For now, Inspector Echo, consider it my confession, my condemnation. Perhaps one day my coup de grâce because it kills me to repeat it. Yet I’m in Hell now, and someone said that’s what, Hell is my dear, repetition. I still hate math, but here we go. So I have $600, and $100 of that goes for B III’s annual check-up. I put $500 in savings because those fuckers at Serra Hyundai tried to get it. That was late last year. January 27, a Wednesday, I ignore Braxton. He cries that night but by morning seems okay. That evening I worry. Friday, we’re at the vet, and there goes the other $500… running his tests.

I didn’t want to spend the money; I was mad. I called my mother, and she sent an additional $150. Then there was one day, that Saturday, I would have given up everything to save him. Banfield isn’t Serra. They never asked for $500 flat-out. Then there was only $323.60 and one word, Euthanasia. After that, the money, my sweet buttery Jesus, the cash. It didn’t mean a damn thing anymore. I still have the Day Job, of course. It’s Saturday now as I’m writing this because, as I said, this week is sucking, right? So I wonder how much of my Stimulus Check is left in only, yeah, a week. You know, The Triage Method… more like the Braxton method. His wants, wishes, Will

I want to tell you I’ll spend most of it on him. If I paid it before, it wouldn’t be on frames, candles, a headstone. I’ve looked at things I can put his face on. My own “Scarlet Letter.” No, I shouldn’t say that about Braxton, but I want to get a tattoo with the ashes. Inspector Echo, does that creep you out? I’ll take that over living the life of a selfish man. Make no mistake Inspector Echo, I still am as I look for distractions. Hell, aren’t I a good American wanting to spend the Benjamins as soon as possible? Tossing cookies already? Worse yet is How To Save A Life. Mine or some furry soul… after seven weeks? B III Of Numbers.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 245 ~Dollar Every Time Braxton~

I’d be broke is the answer, but what is the question? If I had a dollar every time, I thought of myself rather than him. One dollar for when Braxton showed me loved me, well then I wouldn’t just be rich, I would be wealthy, Dollar Every Time Braxton.

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Gospel 245 ~Dollar Every Time Braxton~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still shop at Walmart. When’s the last time I went to Macdonald’s? Missing PetSmart…

Every day I’m missing Braxton. Hell, I miss being “broke.” I am growing into the brokenness of my heart and mind. Well, I still don’t have any money, but I’m wasting what I do have on books that make me feel worse. For real, I’m saving money which is horrible to admit. I know why. I could have bought Braxton stairs for my bed. Now I’m looking for a headstone. Didn’t I say before, I’ve finally started going back into Walmart but only for chicken and Subway. Inspector, I’m spending money like there’s no tomorrow. Oh, I wish there wasn’t. I get sick often enough because I’m always eating and still hungry. Maybe I could spend money on a new bed to be exhausted in. My “father” would appreciate furniture.

One of these days, I will finally frame these vet bills. It was $100 to tell me he’s still alive. $500 to tell me he won’t be. $300 and “I See Fire.” I’ve been second-guessing everything, like his food and water. I bought cheese and hotdogs for “medicine time.” To this day, I continue to live the life of a selfish man. How dare I.

On the one hand, Inspector Echo, I’m pulling an “Eastman” from The Walking Dead. I’ve believed I’m going to Hell. I know this is Hell. Now I’m trying every day to avoid it because I want to see Braxton. I hope someday. Once again, I spend every dollar to punish myself because nothing I have now is making things better. When you kill, right, Inspector?

The price is too damn high. I swore I would pay anything to make Braxton okay, and didn’t I? Only all the dollars in the world aren’t going to bring him back. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it… Another furry kid, but I’d only want a Deer-Head Chihuahua. Inspector Echo, I don’t know how much my “father” paid for Braxton, but to me, he was priceless. All dogs deserve homes, but I’m of the hoity-totiy sort “Pureblood.” What the Hell am I going to do? All my distractions catch up at the end of the month, no doubt? Most of all, I can ill afford this black mark on my soul. Betrayal, Treachery… Ninth-Circle offenses, now if only I had a Dollar Every Time Braxton…

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

A round of applause to the alarm clock, but you want to know what got me up this morning? Nope, and if I told the whole truth, well, I’d be as bad as whoever looked up such and such on my blog, finding nothing. “Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that can be forgiven or buys forgiveness. At the very least makes people forgetful. Of course, I apologize to you, my Dæmon, one day I should add my mother. Hell, sometimes I think about the whole world for being an addict. So what am I addicted to? What would I know about it in the first place? If anything, what am I sorry for today? Oh, let me add one more AHEM; why can’t I forgive myself? I should be thrilled right that I actually got up at 4:00 AM.

How did I spend the first forty minutes? Inspector Echo, it’s like keeping a bottle in the house. The man who tucks a cigarette behind his ear “JIC” (Just In Case). I’m like Pookie in New Jack City. Wanting to do good but putting me in a room with… everything. Inspector, I tell you all the time it’s how I want to spend my life. I want to produce stories, movies, “inspirations” like I’ve been looking up all morning. God, I want businesses that employ the likes of Alice Little and Jill Kassidy. The idea of that starts every morning. Jesus, it’s what I have to think of to keep from falling back asleep. It’s not that I don’t love reading, which I did after those first forty minutes. Now didn’t I say I love money, but that didn’t keep me at the Day Job for two more hours now, did it? I am incorrigible.

Only again, I keep saying it could be worse. Being 19 days in, I’m heading into my angry stage. You stay clean the first week, and it does get easier, but yeah, I’m still lost. So why am I laying all the guilt on now? Bringing up Alice Little, I’m still upset about her case. Now it could be the fact that, as you know, I’ve been cleaning out my phone. Then I found pictures of such and such. I did talk about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. Jeffery is still lamenting about the passing of his son Galen. Dammit, I could be keeping busy. Reading up on the loss of Alice’s livelihood. I should have headed her way long ago. Instead, I’m sick and twisted with many ideas.

At least it’s not Covid or drugs; still, I’m… remember positivity, Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Things I can tell my dog and not myself *AHEM* I love you. That’s why hurting myself is nothing, but it’s all panic mode when something is wrong with him. He’s my heart, but what else is there. Money, friends, women? Love Is The Ultimate Torture

Monday, January 11, 2021

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Hundred And Seventhly Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while in Idiocracy, “I like money,” understand “I love money.” Of course, I afforded myself a huge nap this afternoon, and here we are. So either I love my sleep, or I’m not exactly in a lovey-dovey mood. Love hurts, sometimes… There are so many places I can take that. But as always, I’m trying to be a good boy. Speaking of which, that’s the only time I mention love these days when talking to my Dæmon. I didn’t listen to my motivations today, but my son is always my WHY.

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” That tune is pretty dated. Now, to be honest, it’s one of the reasons I avoided Daily Wellness and motivations. Spotify is bonkers with that old school stuff blasting repeatedly. I’m supposed to speak about my firstborn, trying. Funny, this morning, I was reading again about Jeffery and his boy Galen. How he’s failing as a father, but he loves his kid and failed him. Galen never reacts being a “Block” and all but my son… I look at his furry face and the idea, this hurts me more than it hurts you…

It’s bullshit Madam Justice. I know he’s pained, playing pretend, praying. Better than most women. Okay, this is where the rubber meets blacktop SIGH. Once again, I have to stay on the up and up. I’m not in love with any particular girl at the moment. I’d be worse. The things I say when I’m attracted have nothing on what’s in my heart. Only the words “I Love You” wreck any of my wit. Better to remain silent. It’s again a reason we talk like this, Madam Justice. But my Pinterest boards are starting to regain my usually troubling flair.

My heart, though, remains in a cage. I can tell you truthfully that no, I don’t love myself. Yet, I love freedom. That’s why I keep my secrets, unlike the Trumptards going to jail. Money is still fantastic, so I haven’t been “helping out” Alice Little. Lost her court battle. Addiction pains me every day. Only I’m not spending anything on a fix, yet… Jul3DArt, Love Wolf, QOC, Ero3dLight. I wouldn’t advise looking those up. I want to love the man I’ll be, the woman I’ll have, and the Dæmons siblings. To love me now… Love Is The Ultimate Torture.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Being a black man in America, I’m not a statistic… I got up early, six instead of ten, you can thank my furbaby for that. The stimulus came through yesterday but besides my kid, my day job, and car people where’s the money going? Don’t Count On Will.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which must mean I hate you. Well, I don’t think that way about you, Inspector Echo, or any of the other girls. Okay, so the Man in the Mirror, but as I’ve been saying ad nauseam, it’s a New Year. I’m working on myself… I’m trying.
The thing is, I’m asking myself, am I too late? If it isn’t the money, then it’s been my age these days. I’m 36, and if I were to tell you all the things I haven’t done, even this morning. As the song goes, “Time, time, time. See what’s become of me.” Money, Age, Time…

I could wrap that all around my favorite subject in the whole wide world. Well, after my Dæmon, of course. Looks like my Imp’s going to get that vet appointment anyway. Geez, right after I got my stimulus payment. Republican Idiocracy tendencies, “I Like Money.”

Okay, so my favorite subject, I swear I have missed out on so much. When it comes to… well, how do I say this and remain a nice guy? Again I support artists and, in the same breath, thieves. Even with the motherlode of “artwork,” I’ve I miss out on galleries, gathering, and grabbing up all I can. Do you remember after the last Pinterest Suspension/Purge, I was upset about a specific board I lost? I found a few pieces of it the other day but not the whole thing. I would say I find nothing more annoying but that would make me a liar. It’s like finding the perfect “movie” and not being able to download it. How about what happened to such and such a website? What about being so anxious for something and then having it snatched away with fear? Mine… hers?

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.’” Cloud Atlas

I feel like Nicolas Cage/Yuri Orlov; I’m always five minutes too early or five minutes late. Being black, I was taught to be early always. As for being a man, I was taught “nice guys finish last” (12 Days, fingers crossed). I’m forever a day late, a dollar short, that is if I want something. I hate being late for the Day Job. Now I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but I got out of bed not by “force of will” but because my son needed me, meds, cleaning, potty.

Hate has my number, but love… Don’t Count On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

One day I swear I’m going to sit in a room and type all day, pocket my cash, and send an army of mercs to silence anybody sending me spam… well, that got dark pretty quickly. “Humiliation’s A Number Will,” and next year I want it to be zero

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so um, I still hate Math? Considering I’ve taken no sick days or vacation days. There’s the concept of dinner around here, becoming a big event. I have a yearly eye exam, which is the extent of my medical care. Yep, I still hate my teeth. Okay, say it with me, “This Is America,” how about I am a “Real American.” You’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo. The Stimulus Talk and my usual complaints, numbers have been on my brain. With enough cash, humiliation doesn’t matter, enough not to count.

Let’s start with me and My Dæmon. I’m 36, goddammit, my son’s 15. Now I’m trying to stay clean, Inspector Echo when I talk to you, but I’ll put the question out there. When’s the last time I’ve had sex? Meanwhile is the Dæmon living the life, meds, food, yes… However, he could have more, but where’s the money going? Let’s say I’m “supporting” three artists. Depends on how you define art. I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on the random “expressions.” Or how about the money that went towards “Capital A” SIGH. Well, make more money, you say; how long have I been at the Day Job? Nine years, Inspector, taking orders. And each and every day there, I’m either depressed, destructive or damned. What about all the money I paid to not publish a book now?

I mentioned Capital A, but how many women have stopped talking to me this year alone? I’m going to say three, but even that’s a shot in the dark. Better to keep my mouth shut, but tomorrow, of course, is The Closing of the Year. Pop Culture is much served. While fighting off my addictions. You know within Six Impossible Things, “5 Days” so far. Doing everything to keep my mind occupied, and you see how that’s going. Remember, I had to wipe my phone of such and such, still leaving six thousand pictures altogether. Again I think about writing three NaNoWriMos between two camps and November. Four hundred words daily for the year is around 146,000 or nearly three NaNoWriMos. Not one dollar earned doing what I love still.

Before I forget, two Pinterest accounts are gone. Another “explicit” account wrecked. More sugar daddy/momma accounts blocked between Whisper and Goodreads. Big numbers Inspector Echo still Humiliation’s A Number Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

Every day, “How are you,” another day, even with Emergence, or Free Candy, and what about Christmas. When I get massive amounts of green one day, I’d like to think I can afford to bring a tree inside. I can now but Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday yep

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still making one more dollar cue Homer drool. Now you know I’m not one for the holidays. Long story short, PEOPLE. During this time of the year, you might call me Mr. Grinch, Scrooge, or “Cross.” Didn’t care for “Scrooged.” Bless Indiana Gone for trying her best. She did send me a Christmas card. Now don’t tell her I told you, but she did forget about MY “Emergence Day.” Okay, so that’s the point, hmm. I never tell anyone. Hers is Star Wars Day, oh, um, a good holiday ha.

Anyway, so I say people, but I should also say with money, things get complicated. Take now, It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, as they say. Yesterday I envisioned the Christmastime I hope to share with my family someday. Okay, one day, motivations. However, I shared the truth of my current situation. There isn’t a tree up, no lights, no wrapped gifts, we’ll get to that. There isn’t any “Roast Beast” in the fridge. Truth is, I’m still living, for the most part, with leftover Turkey. I don’t mean to complain so much. Inspector Echo, I have money. Is it all this talk in the news lately about stimulus this and that? The idea that I’m beginning to believe Serra Hyundai (assholes) pardon my French has been lying to me. My biggest shame is that I haven’t even bought my Dæmon a gift.

I shouldn’t talk about gifts because that reminds me of Emergence Day. Hell, I should probably put Gears of War on my Wish List. Okay, you already know that Emergence Day is the worst day of my life, and it’s why I spend most of it in hiding, hating life. Now, if I cared to make a list of worst holidays, after Emergence and Christmas would be Valentine’s Day. What, am I trying to be in love at some point. And again, I’m not exactly buying gifts, AHEM, two. Let’s not put women and any money in the same idea. Where will that lead to? Besides wanting a family and what about taking kids to trick or treat. I don’t need little monsters at my door when kids scare the crap out of me anyway.

So I’m keeping people away and money in my pocket. I don’t need the ghosts for Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 092 ~Now Willy, It’s Only~

Why can’t I be happy with the few streaming services I have? No, not one of them is Pornhub, but I have paid a few artists, I have books galore with erotica, and am I’m counting free OnlyFans subscriptions. Now Willy, It’s Only $15.00, $10.00, $5.00?

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Gospel 092 ~Now Willy, It’s Only~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can subscribe to several OnlyFans accounts. You might find this hard to believe, but I’m not subscribed to any… that you have to pay for. Okay, sure, when I signed up for OnlyFans, I did pay to see Jada Jinxx. Oh yeah, and Mia Rose, who’s legendary. Karlee Grey got me. Even now, I got a message from a girl for a free thirty-day subscription. Fortunately, and sadly, I’m a lot more reasonable than I was last night. Yes, I broke again, but I did save $15.00.

It’s only $15.00, I kept saying to myself and for what. Dirty Diana, I can’t even estimate how many photos I have of Tifa Lockhart’s Yabbos. Now seeing her Yabbos in a wedding dress. I’ve imagined plenty of Yabbos in wedding dresses with Pinterest suspension. Hold on, it’s only logical. You remember how I was with Dear Future Wife, and I often had interracial married couples. In fact, I broke yesterday because of something innocent… I said something once about “Kleenxing Knockers,” I remember. Entertainment SIGH only about some blond girl on a bridge in a purple dress that I can’t find for the life of me. Instead, I broke to another blonde in blue, and here I am clear-headed and pretty damn disappointed. Now not in her but myself.

It’s only natural, Fapping that is. Hell, I’m trying not to because I sent a message to that girl about the subscription. Now I’m sitting here $5.00 lighter for seeing her tits. A great man talked about his balls and his word. However, there goes $10; I promise I’ll stop. Incredible that it’s only that easy to get me to spend money. Fuck Dirty Diana, if it were that simple with Cherry, M. Anime, MILF Dos (COUGH) $300. Where do I get off saying I’ve never paid for sex? Um, Uncontrollable Lust, SubscribeStar.adult, my investment. As Heather Nova sings, “It’s Only Love,” and plenty have said that money can’t buy me what, love. I told a friend that I’m not looking for it. To this day, I believe my purpose is… what Yabbos, that’s sad.

It’s Only me, reading a book called Succubus by A.J. Markam. One of my novels made women into monsters out for bucks, balls, and blood. How much more will they get? Now Willy, It’s Only

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 084 ~Not Easy Being Will~

How many times this month will I ask the question, “What’s My Age Again?” Speaking of ripping off a song, what about Kermit, the Frog? I’m also trying to remember my colors, while but one really matters, GREEN. Not Easy Being Will

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Gospel 084 ~Not Easy Being Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m not a Republican. Now I like GREEN as much as the next guy. Yes, I can be as YELLOW as any one of them. God help me when it comes to WHITE women. I can name two BLACK ones. One’s my 2nd BFF, the other’s iffy, so I wish. If I’m going to focus on something in my pants, let it be the money. I’m still time traveling, so today is Monday, Inspector Echo. My first sin is being a liar about the cash. No, I would have stayed at the Day Job. Hell, I wouldn’t have slept all day away, but I did.

Fortunately for most people, when I see RED, it’s at myself. One more reason I hate looking in mirrors. Tom Bilyeu, a motivational speaker I’m into, said this: “No one will ever hate you with the intensity that you can hate yourself.” That’s some honesty. Enlightening, I say, like all of a sudden noticing the BLUE sky. Only Existence Day, well all of Existence Month has been nothing but BLUE. I don’t need to look up once for raindrops, bird droppings, and dust to cover me. Um, yep, I need an eye check-up soon. Always on the lookout for my Oldman and the PURPLE of his fraternity logo. If I want to talk about PURPLE, how about the mature dress covering Tifa’s Yabbos or how it’s removed. That’s the one good thing I’ve seen all day besides my Dæmon’s face.

Oh yeah, what about the PINK bra that Cherry was wearing. She’s still not talking to me. If I were her, I wouldn’t be speaking to me either with all the “edging” I’m doing. I did get in contact with Indiana Gone. Also, I owe M. Anime a yarn. Nope, I only slept away, SIGH.

None of my friends deserve the SILVER medal. Even that Inspector Echo reminds me of yet one more board I lost. St. Louis Luxurious Wheels Azur Lane. I told you I had to scrap the Pinterest App with my muscle memory going on. My thumbs know my mind, ha, ha. Everything is keeping me from the GOLD, but it’s only me. Haven’t I done something with all the Colors of the Wind before? I’m sure I have when I should be focused on BLACK & WHITE. Not Easy Being Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 077 ~Turn On The Will~

I’ve been in the zone writing today or more to the point, making three lists and checking them twice. Now it’s only September, and the Christmas stuff is coming into the Day Job, and here I am with a “wish list?” Turn On The Will.

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Gospel 077 ~Turn On The Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which would actually put me ahead of the 1%. How I wish money turned me on as much as hmm… Let’s say Thora Birch’s Yabbos in American Beauty. Now before I go apologizing for the thought because today ain’t Thursday. Hell, Inspector Echo, it’s not even Wednesday. Only today, we’re chatting away. The wonders of time-travel, or should I say hard work. Even if it’s only 1200 words between you, Dear Future Wife, and Madam Justice.

What should I apologize for? It’s using you and the other ladies to get my such and such project off the ground. It’s like I’m back on one of those dating sites or something. The question is, has anything changed about me? It’s like I’m some Playmate listing Turn Ons and Turn Offs. Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag as far as Turn Ons go. If anything, this is only one more step or the wiggling of my big toe as it were. You know everything I want out of life besides piles of money. Only here I am about to spell it out to save time in more ways than one.

A good cook, Beautiful singing voice, Affectionate, Empathy, Intelligence, Reading books, Appreciation, Laying my head in her lap, Loves movies, Likes to watch video games, Kindness, Eclectic in music, A good listener, Able to be quiet, My dog likes her, Wearing my shirts, Serving as inspiration, Sitting in my lap, Brunettes, Dark Hair, Dirty Talk, Matching lingerie I can tie her up in, Cosplay, Pigtails, Glasses, Schoolgirl look, Any colorful clothing that can serve as ties, Thigh Highs, Knee Socks, Hentai, Likes watching porn, Hentai, Teen, Sex Dolls, Toys, Voyeurism, Submissiveness, Summer Dresses, Exhibitionism, BDSM, Ravishment, Chokers/Collars, Littles/Middles, Talking Fantasies.

I told someone some days back, if you want your house clean, say to a man he’ll get laid. Looks like something else Steve Harvey got wrong; remember Family Feud. I will blank for sex. Make no mistake. Still, I agree with him on the other answers. I’m saying what it took for me today to get up and do all this writing, so yabbos? Yeah, being verified and putting all my business out in the street. I didn’t take a nap though today because I’ve been all focused and tuned in the zone, yep. Sorry, Turn On The Will.

I Will Have No Fear