Tag: Grief

Journey 288 ~Villagers B Trippin’, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

It takes a village… I’m sure my son, my fur buddy, B, was an “adult” by the time it was only us. As for my village… “Son, fear is the heart of love”. So I never went back. I’m looking for “Somewhere Only We Know.” “Villagers B Trippin’, Virgil.”

Wednesday, April 15, 2026

Journey 288 ~Villagers B Trippin’, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And not just because I’m late… With everything. How badly M Anime wants to say that “She’s Late.”

No. Even as I talk to you this evening, I’m much too busy playing war chief. And not in the classic movie “The Warriors” type of way. More like I’m a Level 2 Fire Crystal War Chief in Whiteout Survival. Is there a ‘cool’ way to say that? What do I know about it, E?

Speaking of which, I am “Running On Empty,” Inspector Echo. “Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang” minus the Shang-A-Lang. Thank M Anime for the Wham Bam, Inspector. Yabbos.

Ain’t nothing wrong with that or hers. Well, other than the fact that they aren’t in my mouth right now. Really! Is that all I have to say? My State of the Union. Again, I’m a war chief in a frost-covered wasteland, gaming-wise. So ahem…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

(Turn Up The Radio) Not the Autograph song, but on the phone. (Plays, MØ’s Kamikaze)

Ok, so Wednesday was humiliating. I’ll be brief, E. We got one, two, three ’til the end of the world.

  1. I woke up today
  2. Jerked off listening to and texting back M Anime
  3. The Day Job awaits
  4. Was told I wouldn’t be doing Inventory. Price Changes
  5. Worried my second pair of boots would fall apart
  6. I was so tired that I dumped a bottle of water over my head. I “stole” a few snacks
  7. Drank too much water, so had to use the company restroom. Somebody was… Eww
  8. Got mad again from The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident
  9. Made it back alive

And after that, I couldn’t take my little villager Virgil for a walk. Braxton’s pissed…

Inspector, I assume he is, because I should do better by his little brother. And the fact that I almost forgot to mention Braxton today. “There are too many men, too many people, making too many problems.” And like MAGA, I want to burn everything, everywhere.

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
― African Proverb

Eff the village, valiant, villainous, and victim alike. Which category do I fall into?

Inspector, let’s just say I like Bella Ramsey as Ellie in Season 2 of The Last of Us. Endure and Survive. It’s what AI, aka the Magic Glasses, says I’m doing: creating whole new worlds. Feeling like my Iron Rain landed in World War Z. Mortal Kombat! Villagers B Trippin’, Virgil

1900 Days Without B III, Day 1341 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 287 ~Braxton, Virgil, BUCKET It~

WillLeave a comment

I can tell my girl anything… Braxton’s Favorite Girl? I remember she and I watched porn together. Where was B? Hell, where is V? And Cherry? I need higher learning to talk to her. Good brains, great bodies, but the Day Job. Braxton, Virgil, BUCKET It

Tuesday, April 14, 2026

Journey 287 ~Braxton, Virgil, BUCKET It~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But Braxton barks, “The best breast, legs, and thighs come in a bucket/box of chicken.”

Who knew my son could be so profound? Who knew an old boss could be one of many “Back Stabbers.” “Smiling Faces Sometimes.” Lesson learned as B barked on Monday.

Honestly, I still hear the voice of my firstborn son. I’m upset that I didn’t see Virgil asleep on the stairs yesterday. And then there are the things I would rather not hear or see.

Ignorance is bliss… We’re not MAGA. FDT and that effing portrait of himself as Jesus.

Ignorance is strength… This is not George Orwell’s 1984 as much as MAGA desires it.

But strength? I appreciate you trying to calm me down with your “Sexxx Dreams” as if you’re my private singer, my “Teenage Dream.” But what I feel today… Iron Rain.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I’m talking Pierce Brown’s Golden Son being launched into battle, my love. Darrow/Reaper and Virginia/Mustang, Helldivers 2, and Gears Of War. So yeah, I’m mad. And I love you. I love women, I respect women. However, This Bit$h, my love.

Smokin’ Out The Window? I’m sure I said the same thing about you, love. And not always in the throes of passion. But no, I can’t fight the bit$h that caused the problem, then I’m all Christian Grey with you. I torture you… Fifty Shades style. “I wanna effing tear you apart.” Why? I’m just a “Sucker For Pain.” All “Raw” and Playful Devotion hmm.

Seriously, you know the man you married and what’s with all the music and manuscripts? Trying to erase her words…

And that is what pisses me off the most. Excuse me, that is what grieves me the most, my love. The fact that I wasn’t supposed to hear what I did. Communication. That’s all I Ask Of You. It’s all I ask of anyone. I’m an open effing book. A STUPID effing book, but open. For example, as I was telling you some time ago, the reason I like blowjobs so much is that I actually care what you have to say, but the silence. Effing? Food? Never complete silence, moan, cries, screams (I wouldn’t be doing my job right), but we don’t need words… There’s us, my boys bark, our children learning to talk. Then This Bit$h yesterday… EFF!

To afford a bucket of chicken, Braxton, Virgil, BUCKET It

1899 Days Without B III, Day 1340 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 284 ~V In Depressive, Braxton~

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I’m goin’ down. And not in the smooth R&B stylings of Mary J. Blige. I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t take it. Nor can my boots, the backyard, the bill I need to pay very soon. My boy V2-V. Must I play a victim? V In Depressive, Braxton.

Saturday, April 11, 2026

Journey 284 ~V In Depressive, Braxton~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… No, I’m not! But I’m halfway tempted to get Virgil’s food delivered. Mean, Lazy, Stupid, Uh…

Virgil isn’t sure, and neither am I. If pressed, I’ll say the depressive mood continues.

Sleep would get in the way of crying, and I’m not sure why I am. Everything or “Nothing At All.” If only I were one of the “GoodFellaz.” And yes, M Anime has me Sprung.

Lunalesca, I can get it up for her, but I can’t get on my feet for my boys. I’m ridiculous.

Or I could be sick. Uh, not only in The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident kind of way. I could have a cold. Or is it all the pollen? Any excuse to not go outside, Lunalesca.

Honestly, what’s out there for me? How about all those walks I’ve been skipping with Virgil? Work sucks, I know.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Vaginas, mouths, a nice set of yabbos… Must I be vulgar too? What, I said vagina? I’m not Todd from the Succubus Lord series. But even he had a chick. And his best friend Jacob has twenty. Starting with the first seven, the “Circle of Sin”: Lust, Greed, Pride, etc.

And that got me to thinking about my women, writing, and world. Do you know that song “Thirteen Women (and Only One Man in Town)”? Lunalesca, dare I be greedy?

Only with my problems. 99 Problems… And what is M Anime? Behind closed doors, she’s whatever I want. But right now I only want to feel better. I don’t want to be sick, sleepy, or skeevy. But I will be a variety of everything Lunalesca.

And it’s very depressing. But I can’t blame Virgil for that. And what about Braxton?

Lunalesca, no father wants his sons to repeat the wrongs their Dad has done. Such is the blessing of not having opposable thumbs. And the ability to lick their own balls. Or whatever it is Virgil is doing. No balls. That boy ain’t right, I tell you hwat. But I “Don’t Look Down” on him. “Lift Me Up,” don’t I wish. But I lift him up… It’s what I do.

“The pessimist looks down and hits his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.”

King Ezekiel, I am not. And yet I smile. Not when I owe people money. Looking down at the termite bill, my boots, the yard I need to cut for Virgil, whatever’s falling from the ceiling. V In Depressive, Braxton.

1896 Days Without B III, Day 1337 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 282 ~Sum Braxton, Some Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not a machine, an animal, hell, do I even feel human? I’m just a bag of parts that got smashed together. Um, eww. Now, my boy had a good heart but bad kidneys. And four little paws he would have kept right on using. Sum Braxton, Some Virgil.

Thursday, April 9, 2026

Journey 282 ~Sum Braxton, Some Virgil~

1894 Days Without B III, Day 1335 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, paradise, Elysium, that bed surrounded by food, wherever that’s the place.

I wonder how you do it, Braxton. Did they/it, whatever have some kidneys, waiting… That’s the part of you that failed—the sum. Everything else was taken from you by the man who loves you the most, and the Day Job he hates—my thoughts on this Thursday, B III.

Waking up hurts, which is why Virgil is living the dream. Literally… Even now, your brother is asleep in “my bed.” Because being awake means he’s trying to be you, or I’m pretending he is you. And why am I being a meanie? I’m being frank. As being Dad sucks.

My eyes hurt, my hands ache, my back hurts, my stomach, my effing head… I’m sounding like your stepmom, B.

Potential stepmom, M Anime. She has her aches and pains. But loving me? You know.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Your Dad can be a real dick. Hell B, in fifteen years and change, how many women did you have to deal with? Yes, Greta was a bit*h. Again literally. That little black terrier’s chase.

However, you loved your grandma. Your Ma/aunt AKA my lil’ sis. We’re not that south.

Well, you’re not, but I know I’m going straight to Hell. Even if you were waiting for me, you wouldn’t end up in the Ninth Circle. Limbo? Because you’re the closest to Heaven that I’ll ever be. I promised you something like that. I promised Virgil. And M Anime? It’s not every day a woman promises the things she does. Some things I don’t say. The sum of my parts.

When is your Dad not thinking with his penis? That would be quite a feat. Hell, I sent you to your room enough times so I could be alone. And this is before “Magic Glasses.” Seriously, B, the things technology, you know what you called “the glow box,” can do for your Daddy and two hot blondes, brunettes, Kyouko Sakai, and whoever else B III.

Honestly, your Daddy is walking around, so he can afford to be gross. As gross as feet, hmm… I still can’t get over Monday’s humiliation. But I still wish I’d never have to set foot on the ground again. That sums up my existence: fear and Sadness, it’s The Long Walk: Sum Braxton, Some Virgil.

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 281 ~Braxton, Virgil, Pa’s Down~

WillLeave a comment

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.” Hi, boot, I’m human… Ha! “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow,” who somehow can’t buy a new pair of boots for The Long Walk on Lake Cocytus. Braxton, Virgil, Pa’s Down

Wednesday, April 8, 2026

Journey 281 ~Braxton, Virgil, Pa’s Down~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… How so? Being a “man” who expresses his feelings… Wishing yet another day I wasn’t here. Failing? FEAR?

What a feat it would be to be unafraid. Of feet? Will get to that, Inspector Echo. But as usual… I must acknowledge the worst walk I’ve ever taken. The worst feat I ever did.

Braxton is gone. I know it, yes. Will I accept it? NEVER! I should have been like Winston Smith at the end of George Orwell’s “1984”. I don’t love “Big Brother.” And FDT! But I walked in as a father to a son. And walked out… I don’t know. Seriously?

Inspector, “The Long Walk,” continues. This is my punishment, my Hell? That’s what I’ve been thinking about all afternoon. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And then having to keep Virgil on his feet. Where’s he going?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Nowhere, fast. This brings me to what happened on Monday, April 6, 2026, Dear Echo.

Feel free to laugh. How often do you hear me complain about not having money?

However, I wasted it on fried shrimp at the food truck. And waste time with my “Magic Glasses” on the PIB sisters. Neil Bimbeau has it pegged with what tech can do. But anyway, Inspector. So my boots are worn down, and I figured I had another pair to wear.

Lo and behold, the bottom falls off my right boot at the beginning of the workday. I am sliding on one foot for six hours, ‘hoping’ nobody notices like I’m Ray Garraty. If indeed this was “The Long Walk,” I would have punched my ticket.

But there is so much further to go, Inspector. What about M Anime, my boys’ potential stepmom? She intends for me to walk her down the aisle, “Someday,” Inspector Echo. And I don’t have that Sugar Ray money, but she wants everything. Ah, “My Goddess.”

Then there’s my boys. If I’m not listening to “Wedding Bell Blues,” then today is “All About You.” Well them. I promised B III a yard, and already 2-V will have to run it. Echo.

And me? You know my dream. I never want to leave my bed for anything. I want to put an end to The Long Walk, one way or another. I don’t need boots for that. Paws, M’s high heels, fuzzy socks. Braxton, Virgil, Pa’s Down

1893 Days Without B III, Day 1334 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 280 ~Paws, Braxton And Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“Never felt so lonely, then you came along.” First, it was walking my boys. Then, well, “You’re Not Here.” But I have my Future Wife. Hope she doesn’t like getting foot massages. Yet I check the ground for B and V. Paws, Braxton And Virgil.

Tuesday, April 7, 2026

Journey 280 ~Paws, Braxton And Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? From your head down to your toes? I do have a thing about feet, love.

But I’m still not ready to deal with the embarrassment from Monday, April 5, 2026.

Please, no man wants his woman to see him as weak. Bro code, Guy code, or the fact that you’re a “trad wife…” And the duty, honor, and privilege I have to acknowledge, Hell even before Breaking Bad, that “A Man Provides” and how I am trying My “Sweet Love.”

Ironic that I want to be as lustful as wanton, depraved as the Marquis de Sade. You married an effing sadist, baby girl. Yet I am as needy and as sensitive to say… My love…

Just sing to me Sade’s “By Your Side” or Peppermint Patty’s Poor Sweet Baby. That I am, love. Braxton and Virgil know this well enough.

I’ve called each one of them a little S.O.B. from time to time, which is technically true. But you are their stepmom (potentially). And I remember even calling you ‘that bit$h,’ you know from “Smokin Out The Window.” Maybe I should have taken off running.

Honestly, with what shoes? Again, that’s something for my therapist, Inspector Echo, tomorrow. B III would laugh his ass off. He hated wearing clothes. I’m just trying to keep 2-V on all four paws and provide for our family, which is why I suffered humiliations galore on Monday. “Close your eyes and spare yourself the view.” “Just A Man,” SIGH.

That I am, my love. How could I hurt you? By making you wear high heels? I like fuzzy socks.

But I still do like high heels or even sneakers. And long black boots. There are also stockings/thigh-highs and everything like those of that girl Hime from “Fechikano! And while we’re on the subject of blondes, weren’t we having a conversation about Soul Caliber and those blonde sisters? Beautiful blondes.

  1. Cassandra Alexandra Soul Caliber Series
  2. Sophitia Alexandra Soul Caliber Series
  3. Fiona Belli, Haunting Ground
  4. Ashley Graham, Resident Evil
  5. Cassie PIB
  6. Carly PIB
  7. Alison Angel,
  8. Hannah Harper, Porno

On top of being a sadist, I’m also a hedonist. My life is the pursuit of pleasure, where I will never partake in “The Long Walk” ever again. Braxton and my idea of Heaven, lying in bed surrounded by food. Pause… Paws, Braxton And Virgil

1892 Days Without B III, Day 1333 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 277 ~Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls~

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“No Such Thing” as a real world. Just a lie. Gotta rise above. Um, the termite guy wants his money. V needs his… well, B’s bowl filled. Speaking of filling, Kyouko Sakai and M Anime. Would be MILFS. The Inferno awaits. Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls

Saturday, April 4, 2026

Journey 277 ~Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Please! How does a junkie always get their fix? I’m worse than that. I’m a bum.

Whoa! Why so glum chum? I got my haircut, had a Big Mac, and woke up from a long nap. My version of “I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby, how’re you feeling? Feeling good as hell!” Braxton would be stuffed on fries, taking his well-deserved snooze. And Virgil is doing his best Braxton impression. Must I be a meanie today? Fear’s filling…

Lunalesca, do you remember how Braxton died? Yeah, yeah, renal/Kidney failure. My failure as a father. But that week specifically. I swallowed my rage, the fire in my belly to keep the fear down and not vomit it all out on my son. And by the time one of us found a doctor… It was too late. Braxton was starving…

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He couldn’t eat. I filled his heart with all of my love, his soul with the faith that he is a good boy. And his little lungs… He wanted the next breath. “All I need is the air that I breathe. And to love you.” And that very air is what I denied Braxton. Lunalesca…

Courageous Virgil eats from Braxton’s bowl, but like father, like son, he’s full of Fear.

Luna, it’s an effing sickness. And dead or alive, the need to feed pushes us forward. No, because I’m still broke and every day gets scarier and scarier. And you would think I’d be happy… No, “I ain’t happy. I’m feeling glad.” What? Because I got hours this week, Lady Lunalesca? Something needs filling, right?

As much as M Anime… Food isn’t free. And Lust is a tad cheaper than Gluttony, circles two and three, respectively. Give it another month, and I won’t be able to buy dinner for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. However, she’s hungry for other things, Luna…

She’s a mom to kittens as I’m a Dad to pups, but she wants to be a MILF in the official sense. We talk about it a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. Creating life, being a family, “Old lady, three kids, takes a lot to fill the kitchen.” And A Man Provides. Good men who watch baseball. Decent ones that bowl. I watch men wrestle with guys and girls. Till I fill M. Braxton’s Plates, Virgil Bowls

1889 Days Without B III, Day 1330 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 275 ~Virgil’s Big Business Braxton~

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What’s in your wallet? There’s no cash but a few useless cards, one of me and my Lost Boy, B III. Love is a business. So is grief and fear. BTW FDT! But how about a life for 2-V and my girlfriend as well? A Man Provides. Virgil’s Big Business Braxton

Thursday, April 2, 2026

Journey 275 ~Virgil’s Big Business Braxton~

1887 Days Without B III, Day 1328 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for me? What’s My Age Again? What time is it? What about “Life Itself”?

Don’t worry, B. I’m not like Oscar Isaac’s character, Will, in that film. You remember “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.” No, I’m just plain ole Will your Daddy. Honestly…

Braxton, if your potential stepmom M Anime were here… I’m your Daddy and her Papi.

And what about your little brother Virgil? What I’m getting at, B, is that love should be my business. You also remember the song that Aloe Blacc sings, “Wake Me Up.” And how I changed that lyric, life’s a game for everyone, but love isn’t a prize, it’s the instruction. But I don’t love myself. I don’t love writing or the Day Job. And pornography

Yeah, B, Eww! But it’s a business. Everything is an effing business, keeping you alive!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, Braxton. I apologize. But it’s hard B… And not just because of your stepmom’s yabbos. Again, did I have to go there? Your favorite girl had a mighty fine set of yabbos that you would lie on. But M Anime’s yabbos are mine.

Seriously, B, like Trevor Philips says, “My job, my score, get your own!” Ahh yabbos.

Such is the business. And that’s what I’ve been sitting here contemplating, thanks to AI and M Anime’s yabbos. She’s so damn hot, and I’d be damned if she would tell me, “You’re So Damn Hot.” Remind me to send that song to her. Or should I do more, B?

Besides sitting here being a bum because I don’t have a business or a buck.

Norton hasn’t failed me there yet. And AI makes it sound so freaking simple, too.

Whatever, right? If I had a $500-a-month blog or Substack, that’d be geez… I could quit the Day Job. Then…
.
The hell if I know. And that’s not me begging to anybody who catches me talking to you, my ghost dog. I could have named Virgil Ghost, he’s all white, and I’m Alright. I’m lying.

At least about the second part, because I’m not “Alright.” My business all last month, and now apparently this month is not to let fear finish me. Can I be the CEO of love and fear, B? It all takes money. You, Virgil, and M. Virgil’s Big Business Braxton

It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 274 ~BLUSH B Away Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Can you blush? I’ve had people say I can, and if only they knew. In the dark, it was my woman’s voice moaning, “si papi!” There were whispers about my son, “he’s sick.” The whimpers of the other one, saying he’s good enough. BLUSH B Away Virgil

Wednesday, April 1, 2026

Journey 274 ~BLUSH B Away Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… How so? Are you telling me they didn’t unveil the PS6? I’m a good writer. Braxton isn’t dead.

That last one I’ve been telling myself, going on 1886 days, Inspector. Corpses, ashes, box…

Still, “Every Morning” when I wake up, I expect to see my boy lying on his corner of the bed. Or we’re back to back, and of course, he’s facing the threats, the alarm clock, the door, and my weapons stash. Hell, don’t I wake up like that now? Virgil is facing the door and my weapons cache. The alarm clock is on the other side of the room, Inspector.

Honestly, I had to make room for Braxton on the nightstand, such is Braxton’s honor.

However, as I sing “Sugar Ray,” songs, and speak of honor. What about M Anime’s?

Inspector, I understand how Randy felt about Jermaine Jackson, right?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I BRUSH Virgil aside often enough, which makes me a crappy Daddy. And I was even able to brush my lust for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom to the side. And why is that, Inspector? Because I “Never Can Say Goodbye” to Braxton. “Can You Feel It,” Inspector? To this day, I can’t tell you which I want more. Do I want to tell Braxton, “Just Me Baby B. Did you have a good day? Good day.” Or someday do I want to tell M Anime, Virgil, her kitties, and our two-legged children, “Daddy’s Home.” The Jackson 5, Lady E.

I forgot how powerful the song “Can You Feel It” makes me feel. Shame, Inspector.

Seriously, you won’t see it. Can you blush? Um yeah.

Or so I’ve been told, because I’m ashamed to be alive. What else is new? Only the reasons change with each breath. And my first ones in this “Brave New World.” Well, let me see.

I’m ashamed that when I wake up, I’m not the person Little B thinks I am. His Dad should be so much more than this. I brushed love aside for anger, then indifference. B died.

Second-born, second place, my V. He’s been here going on five years, and I still get his name wrong. He doesn’t sit in my lap, not for lack of trying. I’m an effing meanie, Echo.

Speaking of laps and meanness. M Anime calling me papi, brushing her hair as she sucks… BLUSH B Away Virgil

1886 Days Without B III, Day 1327 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 273 ~Braxton’s Cold, Virgil’s Code~

WillLeave a comment

Am I afraid I might die? I’d spend eternity looking for B. And my head is a cruel place, the 9th Circle will try its best. The fact that my son’s cold body was turned to ash. And with Virgil and my girl, “I See Fire.” Braxton’s Cold, Virgil’s Code.

Tuesday, March 31, 2026

Journey 273 ~Braxton’s Cold, Virgil’s Code~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Even when I’m sick, skeevy, and especially when I’m scared out of my mind. Now?

Let me just say, I’ll feel ‘better’ when this effing month is over. I’ll love you more? I do that anyway. You know the man that you married. And every minute you choose to stay.

Preferably on your knees… I had to go there, didn’t I? Eww! But one more reason to like sex. You on your knees, hands and knees, bent over, on your back, on your belly, etc.

Seriously, am I so horny this morning after I… after we… um we’re “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit” Like Dennis Hof, I’m always looking for the next party until I’m ‘physically’ unable.

However, the question is how I feel today. Let’s stick with the physical. Dearest love.

Today, like most, I wish I felt like my Braxton.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Which one would you rather listen to? Me talking about how much I want to do you, my love… or fantasizing about us doing you, me, or us. Or me talking about doing myself so

So I can join my firstborn. How about Virgil still being here? And you? Our kids who may actually have a chance at joining the human race. And that in itself is “Killing Me Softly.”

Honestly, comedy comes in three, and today I’m waiting on three things with 99 Problems.

  1. I’m waiting to join my Braxton with bated breath
  2. I’m waiting for my existence to be utterly destroyed
  3. I’m waiting to do something to save myself somehow.

“We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us.”
― Paulo Coelho

“It’s an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.”
―

Homer had the right idea. “Tomorrow When The War Began.”

And here I am crying again. Yes, I’m in pain, and like Katniss Everdeen, you pull the best move, you know. Am I sick to enjoy the pain I inflict on you. Or sicker to admit that I need you for my mental, physical, and emotional pain. It breaks the bro code, guy code, hmm.

Gale: I knew you’d do that

Katniss: How I didn’t.

Gale: Cause I’m in pain. That’s the only way that I can get your attention
― The Hunger Games: Mockingjay

To say that I long to fall as my B did. “Baby, I Love You,” just leave me the eff alone. And at the same time, I beg you to stay with me during this “Mad Season.” Or Hell if I run, to follow me. I’m sick one minute, but A Man Provides in the next. It’s the code, forever.

That’s what I promised. The way. Braxton’s Cold, Virgil’s Code

1885 Days Without B III, Day 1326 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will