Gospel 010 ~Will’s In The Sky~

The hands of the clock keep spinning, sun up and sundown. My head is in a fog because it’s after midnight. Now how many people are reading this, and how many are reading my story? “Will’s In The Sky.”

Saturday, July 11, 2020

Gospel 010 ~Will’s In The Sky~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the sky’s the limit. Well, you know me, I could go into a load of pop culture references. I could say I’m already building the Death Star. How about something to the tune of Gattaca, how badly I want to leave this planet? Am I becoming suicidal again? Hell Lady Lu, if I could end it all is a question I ask each night, but I’m not dying. Of course, I could always talk about some girl’s Yabbos, which is why I wasn’t so successful as I wanted to be today. I could keep working through the night, but Will I Lose My Dignity.

“When you’re white, the sky’s the limit. When you’re black, the limit’s the sky.” Chris Rock Bigger & Blacker (1999)

Forgive me, Lady Luna. I’m still trying to appear more coherent. Call it a lack of sleep, my hatred of spending cash, and yeah, I’m hungry. I have a thousand dollars in the next room, and I’m upset about my $9.00 sneakers getting wet. So that brings me to accomplishments today. I did walk My Dæmon this morning. On this very evening, I meant to type 4600 words but only got around to 2200. It’s my highest word count so far this month of camp. NaNoWriMo isn’t asking for any more tonight. Lady Lu, I even did some reading too. I may finish Too Late by Colleen Hoover tomorrow. Should I say today, considering what time it is? The fact is I’m rolling. I’m doing something constructive, to say the least. Oh, how about the saddest battle now, NO FAP.

Sad to say, I’m thinking about MILF Dos, Cherry, and her Mum. It’s in the context of my story, and I’m starting Chapter Four, “Like A Moth He Came.” Yes, you know I am always one to spin a title. Even with the Coronavirus (COVID-19), I’m trying to be creative instead of worried. I went to Church’s Chicken today, and none of them were wearing masks. My “father” got tested, but my little sister was in quarantine. Stop hitting yourself, Nelson Muntz would say. How about I stop repeating myself. For example, writing stories that are never going to go anywhere. Starting NO FAP because I’m disgusted being the nice guy wanting to see Yabbos and do I. Um yeah…

Have I gotten through this conversation without heading to you know where dear Lady Lu?

Giving myself more problems other than addiction, and they’re pretty high, Will’s In The Sky.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

What’s it like to be free? Would I say I’m free? I mean, I’m not at the “Day Job” for once. I could fall asleep if I so chose. Hell, I know what I really want to do, but I’m abstaining for some reason. “Will To Be Free,” of addiction, anxiety, aching

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I wish. My motivations would say, don’t chase money but follow your purpose. More to the point, I face down my goals every day, and you know what those are. Yabbos… talk about freedom and independence or maybe not.

Red eyes, my attempts at blushing, and being a horny male, prevent deep thoughts. I apologize that everything keeps returning to sex. It beats RAGE, doesn’t it. As long as it’s me and My Dæmon, whatever do I have to be mad about? Now I mentioned red eyes, and they both relate to the same “problem.” One, I’m tired because I’m all about PORN, and this will be day six of NO FAP. What am I not fapping to? Well, you know how I enjoy making my lists leading nowhere:

  1. Tifa Lockhart
  2. Aerith Gainsborough
  3. Liz Vicious
  4. MILF Dos
  5. Cherry
  6. Serah Farron
  7. Ellie, Dina
  8. Sesskasays
  9. New Purchases

That’s another thing, Lady Luna, like the word Yabbos, I’m digging on the number NINE. The NINE women I did wrong, or that’s all I can remember. Well, today is all about remembrance and celebration.

White or right… a Freudian slip or an observation? Now before you get excited, you what white reminds me of. I’m all for Black Lives Matter, but I love me a white girl. Not now, but when I start seeing with my heart instead of other portions of my anatomy. Hell, last night was touch and go because of that picture that started me on the road to Tifa. I found who made it and spent $15.00 on the collection. I swear I do everything for the Yabbos. Hold on, but I’m slobbering, spitting, snarling like an animal. So reasons I PUT ON THE MASK.

Blue Balls, though, are hurting, so I don’t have time for the Coronavirus (COVID-19). One disease or addiction at a time. The government is giving up, but I still believe I can do better. My legs crossed in bed, phone off, fighting the urges, porn is everywhere, and hiding it would break me without question. I should also mention my depression over my story, I mean how far did I get last night? I have characters to free from my mind, but then what exactly?

Red, White, Blue, I want GREEN, Will To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

I hate these words probably as much as my Day Job “Another Day,” and that means I’m still breathing and not wasting my breath trying to be, well me. One day when I’m drowning in cash. A Breath Of Will

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can breathe without it. I Can’t Breathe, are dangerous words, and that’s why I prefer to keep my mouth shut. When I take in the air to speak, um, that hasn’t been going to well lately. Hell, aren’t my fingers an even bigger problem?

As you know, I started NO FAP yet again. Yeah, I’m in that 24 Hour state of clarity. Lady Lu, as the song goes, I’ll never fall in love again. I’m starting to remember all those years ago when I discovered RealDoll. Now, this might be more of a confession for Inspector Echo, but with all, I’ve admitted? I did enter the RealDoll give away for the summer. What, are you going to change my mind? I swear Lady Luna I’m not one of these “Incel” creeps. Over the past week, though, MILF Dos isn’t talking to me, and neither is Cherry. Two other girls don’t give me the time of day. It puts a whole new spin on “take my breath away.” More like I’m giving it away, and what about GULP? Did I get enough to eat yesterday, which is why I’m energized this morning? I Can’t Breathe.

I know not funny, like that dumbass political so and so. If it’s not women robbing me of my breath, it’s My Dæmon. Yes, he’s my handsome little boy, but he’s also an old man. Yesterday I thought he was getting sick yet again. I swear I hold my breath when he jumps from the bed or uses the stairs. I wonder how do I even get to sleep at night, and he’s right here beside me. I swear if it’s not a woman talking to me, it’s watching my kid’s little chest heave, up-down. He lives, and yet I say Luna, I Can’t Breathe.

How I wish I could say something righteous or anything that might mean anything someday. Why not work on my story, make money, buy a made girl, or actual MILF? We’ll see, won’t we, when I get back walking my child. I should breathe easy now that hey, I put some new shoes on. Funny, my stinky boots didn’t bother me when I went out yesterday. With the plague and being a black man, but I wasn’t holding my breath. Walking on eggshells, broken glass, take A Breath Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 328 ~Will And The Bee~

Last week I talked about becoming Iron Will, but I would prefer Gold, and where would I spend all of it anyway, well we know that but how am I going to get it in three months, repeat it, June, July, August. “Will And The Bee”

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Episode 328 ~Will And The Bee~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and I am doing my best to make more. Only it’s hard, Lady Luna; I’m talking 53 days or 51 if we’re speaking about Brainbuddy. Hell, I did it yesterday and feel sort of awful today. Avoiding the porn, I mean it doesn’t count right. If I look up a strip club? That I’m “friends” with a sex worker. Even Pinterest isn’t safe if you see one picture of Arnold and Helga. Today I wasn’t fast enough to avoid breasts on Twitter, a second My Lady.

Not to mention Cherry being the temptress that she is. No, I’m keeping the bucks in my pocket. No potential models and still not talking to that friend. She has got named The Highest Earning Legal Sex Worker In The U.S. dear Alice Little drools. She got me on my break, no doubt. A hiatus I’m taking, my No FAP Challenge. If I’m not thinking about dollars, it’s about me breaking every day. Today is only the second without porn. Haven’t I said over and over I’m not giving it up? For some reason I want to be the best, win. As Eric Thomas put it, you have to get tired of losing. I’m watching my Life Tree on Brainbuddy refusing to grow for anything.

Behave myself; I am trying, and don’t make me quote Yoda. Okay, I am replacing one vice for another. Greed for Lust, whether we are talking about The Seven Deadly or The Nine Circles. Wanting more of everything is always worse, but This Is America. Every day I sound as bad as a Republican. Women’s bodies, again I’m pro-choice, but money gets you everything. Only at this rate, I’ll use all the cash I got to cover all the breasts in the world. No, they’re more concerned with other lady parts. I’m involved with a million. For Nevada way, we start at $2,000. Cherry thinks she’s a million; I give her credit for feeling so great. Milf Dos is looking for votes for $25,000, so on and so forth, Luna.

A governor once said I ain’t got time to bleed. Sometimes it’s like I don’t have time to breathe. So when I do catch one, I feel I’m wasting my time. Only I’m no closer to breast, bucks, or becoming more. Who is that anyway, believe Will And The Bee.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

We’re counting on you, nope no one has ever said that to me or placed a price on my head but all these numbers swimming around in my head, remind me of doing Inventory at the day job and when will I stop looking at these digits. “Win, Will It Count.”

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe when I stop counting the hours I work and ignoring those I sleep, how about doing something other than the bare minimum for my writing; when will I start adding up the victories instead of hoping for that one day. If anything I’ve Seen Better Days, this morning I was set to declare victory in the bug war, but the battle rages on, “B III” is mad about his medication for some hours and don’t even get me started about No Nut November Lady Lu.

If anything the only number that truly matters nowadays is my NaNoWriMo score, and again I’m not going to count that as a victory as of yet considering everything else that’s crashed and burned. Take my day job for example, how many days have I slid in under the wire because of a lack of sleep, the temperature, and whatever scientific products they put in all those sprays to melt ice. Should we talk about the money situation, I swear, I am doing more math than any class, but of course I have no right to complain, other than planning on a shower, why is that not happening friend, again?

Last night, definitely goes on the top ten of worse nights ever, from being in a knot about one bitch, almost getting fired, and how many sleeping pills did I take one night only to survive up until now. How many Youtube videos have I watched in the name of motivation, when’s the last time I heard from “Indiana Gone” or “Okay” and when will I go back to eating some solid meals. I don’t know what to tell you Lady Lu; it’s almost as if the price to breathe had gone up, three breaths when it was only one, a cadre of ants, when we were once looking at two, getting up at 1:55 AM because my kid threw his schedule out of whack.

An unfortunate choice of words because I haven’t gone twenty-four hours, I need something, and I wish I could say my story was that sexy or I was reading something as such but no, and hell it’s not even like I need the clarity. What can I count on that doesn’t make me miserable I ask, possibly counting my son’s breaths when we’re not fighting about his meds, that’s one, NaNoWriMo… Win, Will It Count?

“Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don’t care.” Judith Grimes

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

What do I want out of life, as a matter of fact, what is life other than one breath to the next, and why aren’t I making every single one of them count to have whatever it is I want in this world “As Badly as Air” I wonder how much I truly want.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, as we always come back to the question, what do I want, not what do you want, not what they want, what does society want but for once let me be selfish, hopeful, let me add an I to my tagline of impossible, immoral, illegal, with the word “Insane”. Not a doubt in my mind I’m there already or at least always heading in that direction, so about today’s lesson.

“When you want knowledge as you have just wanted air, then you will have knowledge”

Do you remember when I got super psyched to join up with Mensa, strange considering my grade point average or lack thereof; what exactly was I trying to prove? Honestly Lu it wouldn’t have mattered even if I got in, what would that solve, a wise man that says nothing is thought of as a fool. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t a fool, that would be a step in the right direction at least.

“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.” Yuri, Lord of War (2005)

Anyway, my point is, back then that was something I wanted, bad enough that I paid for the practice test, bad enough that I looked for the actual test, and bad enough that I felt bad after the disaster which was the practice test. What have I wanted that badly since, besides the transgressions of my biology, I mean I want plenty but I went out of my way when it came to Mensa. How about air though, we all want and need air but how badly have I wanted it, what have I been willing to do to get it, if it wasn’t around.

Lady Lu if air wasn’t readily available I would have probably suffocated by now but I have been without it and my answer is “anything” I would do anything for that next breath. “M Anime” reminded me of this yesterday, a child was willing to fight for just one more gasp, so what about now.

I told you making that list yesterday made me all sorts of giddy, it made me feel like I was a kid again, though I was never one to write a list Santa. Who do we write our lists to nowadays, like yesterday it’s all about working, what are we willing to do to keep living, another reason I write.

Like air is everywhere, I never questioned what I would find under the tree, it was there and while I might be surprised here or there, I was grateful and I never expected more. Nobody teaches you how to breathe Luna, maybe a smack on the butt counts but you simply count out and you take what you need and damn anybody else. Now, what if I applied that to everything else in my life if I want it as bad as my next breath then what in the Hell is stopping me from having it, is it just me?

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” – The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

I haven’t written anything to my parents in a month or so but the world continues to turn, and so do the lights on and off, the air conditioner, how about a dozen other things, I keep living, I keep breathing. How about the fact that all I need to do is keep breathing so that I can do my job, I must want my job pretty damn badly to keep getting up. What about us Luna, every day I write and that says something when I want to write as badly as I need to breathe, that’s something right?

Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this life thing, you know how much I hate that whole living every moment like it’s your last, if that were the case I would be ashamed of myself. How about treating everything as though you’re reaching for that last breath, everything you want is in that next breath, even if you can’t see it, just breathe in.

“I’m not that optimistic. I feel like I’m sinking down a drain and I can’t get out.

She’d say, “when you’re stuck in that spiral, you reach up”.

What if there’s nothing up there?

Just reach up.” Planet Terror (2007)

I know Luna I’m not one for motivation but this morning as I mulled over getting Braxton a new groomer, and my Amazon list I just started thinking, when I want us to have everything as much as I need the next breath what will I do to accomplish this? I’ve never been this early chatting you up I don’t think but first things first, I need to work harder.

Did you see how expensive all my wishes are, no my dear talking up a girl for one day out of the year isn’t going to cut it, though speaking of which talking up a girl at all would be something. Doesn’t that go back to being the caveman and then evolving, what’s the use of air if I’m not going to use it, I might just become one of those mouth breathers but like Braxton, I have plenty to say. What do I want as badly as I want air, I want to do something with it I want to live, the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz.

As badly as I want air, I actually want someone that takes it away from me, and I don’t mean to catch it because she will be standing there right in front of me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore with any of my breaths, which means facing down my fears, heading back to the illegal side of things because I want to stop some breaths and hearts. With each and every breath I want to know that finally, I am the person that I should be in life.

So what have we learned today, if I see anything I want, treat it as the next breath, what am I willing to do to possess and to do that, and hopefully not be arrested? Every single breath needs to matter because if you must fight for the next one at least it should be worth something and that something should be truly wanted and desired As Badly as Air.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 030 ~And Caesar Was Ambitious~

So Caesar heard nothing of the conspiracy, maybe because he was so busy talking he didn’t hear his own mind, his heart, or guts. And Caesar Was Ambitious but not ambitious enough to live a long life in his case

Monday, July 31, 2017

Lesson 030 ~And Caesar Was Ambitious~

Hey Lady Lu,
Yes, I would like to think that I am as well, you know I talk a lot about being “a simple kind of man”, “just be a man”, the everyday struggles of my life but yeah I have dreams. Not so many since these overnights but you know what I mean, Second Circle Creations, the title change, not dying alone, that sort of thing to be sure.

Anyway other than you I don’t tell many people these things, I will never discount the power of words but “don’t talk about it, be about it” but that’s from the song “Pass The Courvoisier” which leads me to a few lessons. First that maybe it’s better to be a loud mouth for a few reasons, though I wonder was Julius Caesar as such, too wrapped up in my own history nowadays. Secondly what about the stuff, that makes us so, I talk about biology but we both know there are things that while they can’t beat biology can be let’s say a deterrent of regular behavior for a bit.

Okay, let me start making sense or not because I’m about to get into my conspiracy theory and yes I sense a conspiracy to a certain degree. So we talked the other day about people filling the silence some but now they’re trying to fill my silence. In a way, I can understand girls who tell a guy as soon as he starts talking that they have a boyfriend, but they’re usually doing that because… okay before I get into that death trap, I said I love my dog, right below my dog is my love of so much silence.

If a person wishes to make me forgo my love of silence they better damn well be something special and while they are ambitious, they aren’t much else. Now why have these people become so ambitious all of a sudden, why are these people trying to “save” me from the dark paradise I have created.

Is it because I was ambitious, I’ve gone up for a few promotions and have lost them all because I am not ambitious enough and that means being a loud mouth? Now that’s rude of me but my dog is getting to be a loud mouth and what has that bought him but the sweet sound of silence in my library, one man’s heaven, can be one dog’s hell huh?

I think all these people talking to me are the symptom of a big problem, they want me to talk more and while I see the logic in such things, I just don’t want to. I want to tell people what to do but I don’t want to ring people up, doesn’t that say speak volumes to my anxiety. Of course, I want the promotion so I can make more money and eventually walk about the place when I move onto bigger and better ambitions but I can’t do the simple tasks associated with the job I’m trying to keep.

Because it hurts Lu, I mean it truly hurts, all the talking just drives me up the wall and you don’t even hear the real damage that is being done. The way my heart thunders in my chest, how I can barely catch my breath, and listening to people who look at me in some sort of way is like a bunch of knives plunging into my back. How it ended for Caesar I guess scratches him off the would be role models list doesn’t it but they say that he was ambitious.

Braxton is ambitious, and like I said his ambitious has brought him nothing but punishment, biting the hand that feeds you, haven’t I said before if I was a loud mouth, it would be nothing but a tapestry of obscenity. In a way that explains my musical selections these days, if only people could be like my musical choices, you listen to one song, you listen to another, and sometimes you just have to cut it off.

I’ve done that to myself in a way, I haven’t been taking any medication for a while and I’m thinking why did I start up again. I told “Indiana Gone” that if I did get the promotion I was going to have to be peppy, and the pills did that for a time, maybe I got a bad batch or something, so I finished them.

Speaking of medications, I’ve been thinking how best to combat Braxton’s problems as of late, what is making him the way he is, I’ve gone through the gambit of some unknown pain, a need for something, even neutering, though he’s an old dog. Is this what speaking up gets you, I’ve seen it a million times, all the loud mouths just going at it, speaking over each other, fighting for air, not to breathe but to talk. Maybe I’m just too exhausted for that type of nonsense but it doesn’t stop me from going back, over and over, because I am ambitious, I want more.

So what do all these people want from me, dare I think they actually give a damn, I’d laugh but I do enough of that trying to placate them. Everyone has an ulterior motive and that includes me, I was ambitious enough with “Ms. Seasons” so then the question becomes what do they want because I know exactly what I was looking for. Maybe I’m just a rock in the road that has to be dug up, a problem that has to be fixed to stop screwing up the universe.

Now don’t I sound ambitious, making this all about me but that’s yet another reason I talk to you because at the end of the day I don’t want Brutus or even Mark Antony, speaking for me, let them have you or simply silence. For now, what have I learned other than to want anything breeds disaster, don’t I sound like a Buddhist but I want plenty like any other person And Caesar Was Ambitious.

Eye Admire

Why people kiss… keeps them from saying something stupid, gets them moving because you admire something and not move any closer; not counting a bulge in my pants. “Eye Admire” is keeping me from the conclusion of never wanting to see her again *sigh*

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tlx0f3hNS_g

And I should try not to kiss you…
Or dream a little dream of me and you; just a few
songs like love me like you do
blasting on my car stereo
Maybe when we’re all alone
you’re be in my arms tomorrow; sun outside my window
Guess I’m not the best with secret keeping,
while I am barely breathing
and how my heart is beating
Open your eyes… it’s required
Look at her; my heart’s not a liar
How else can I be your secret admirer?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Kaori Maejima… Shusaku, The Mamas And The Papas “Dream A Little Dream Of Me”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and Duncan Sheik “Barely Breathing”

Air Cupid

I’ve asked for a pretty girl, I’ve asked for love, I’ve asked for everything, but the courage to just say hi but better to ask for air itself. Others find love with my words, the invisible man, or playing Cyrano de Bergerac. Air Cupid…

Do you think they breathe in Heaven?

Is that what this is?

Could be conserving the air supply

Saving the world, you and I

We could be heroes, if we try

For just one more kiss

Doomsday clock says eleven

fifty-nine… it’s not fair

 

When I only just found you

And you leave me breathless

But you stay with me

My atom bomb baby

Watching world war three, on pay TV

Unless

You want to love me like you do

Because I’m not scared

 

Of all the fallout

From comets or bombs, thirteen women

Yet you’re the one that I love

Only am I enough

Let’s go see, the world up above

To the stars, to the limit

Teach me, what love is all about

I want you… more than I can bear

 

Three little words, do I dare

Cause I am barely breathing

What is this I’m feeling?

Seeing you, I’m believing

love is in the air

 

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Inspired by: Mia Rose, Alesso Ft. Tove Lo “Heroes (We Could Be)”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby”, Crown City Four “Watch World War Three (On Pay TV)”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, “Fallout “Game Series”, Bill Haley and His Comets “Thirteen Women”, Duncan Sheik “Barely Breathing”, “CivilDefenseSpot” (YouTube) and a great many thanks to “Fallout 4”

 

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTmofW8nBBs

Mia Rose (Air Cupid)