Chronicle 053 ~Lift, Step, Repeat, Falling’s Harder~

Sum up my job, pick it up, put it down. Boxes, tools, my feet, but B wouldn’t complain if I brought food. Eat first, then let him run around the backyard. I’m cleaning up as if he’ll step off the Rainbow Bridge. “Lift, Step, Repeat, Falling’s Harder”

Monday, August 23, 2021

Chronicle 053 ~Lift, Step, Repeat, Falling’s Harder~

Two-Hundred And Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I always have a soft place to land. I swear Braxton quested for comfy spots.

It didn’t take me 204 days to realize he was the cuddliest thing ever. Being as exhausted as I am, I’m always grateful for my head to hit the pillow. Braxton’s fur is long gone. Madam, at this moment (Sunday, August 22, 2021, Time-Travel), I’m in B III’s favorite hoody. His pillow is beneath my feet. Yet I’m cold AF. AC, stupidity, my B’s love? Don’t you think I should look up how to work the thermostat for once? That’s something Dads do, isn’t it? Talk about a lift. For all my failures, I once could say I’m B’s Daddy. Braxton can no longer lift my spirits, and whenever I raise my foot, I’m heading off in the wrong direction. It’s a decision, I know.

When my foot comes down, I wish I was in the ground. Didn’t I say today (again Sunday) that I must be careful with my words. Like wishing I could fly as Braxton does? How many steps must he have taken in his life? I’m 36, 37, but Braxton had four paws for fifteen+ years. The thing is, he appreciated every one of those steps while I hate mine. You ask me what the last step I wanted to take was. Not as profound as what I was thinking because of the truth. Taking Braxton to die, of course. The Hardest steps of my life. After those would be the ones, well, who knows how long it took me to walk after my “Emergence Day.”

Only I keep going, don’t I? I can’t tell you the last step I took that I was happy about. Carolina Bound would be disappointed because, in July, we all went to lunch. My friends. Braxton would be proud that Saturday I went and bought new pruning shears… What’s My Age Again? I’m trying to take care of the backyard. Braxton, come play again, please? I’ve even written it into my budget now to go and pick up lunch. McDonald’s will be pleased with $10. Taco Bell has fries. I need plenty after the Day Job shitshow; I know it. What else do I know? I don’t want to fall on my face; for scams and not in love again. Lift, Step, Repeat, Falling’s Harder

204 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

What is a second of courage, an idea, a step, eye contact, a few more seconds, one foot in front of the other, and still there are more and am I facing oblivion yet, five minutes, an hour, what is twenty seconds that? Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage

Monday, April 9, 2018

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

Twenty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, how can I be; I’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that the world will come to an end any second, so I’m forever trying to survive until the next five minutes. If I make it give five more, anyone who knows me can say I am a stickler for time unless I feel that whatever it is no longer matters, e.g., my day job, once upon a time I would show up fifteen minutes early.

Sometimes Madam Justice I can easily blame my OCD, but for the most part, it’s fear because when it comes to something like “women” as the song goes “Can We Talk.” Hell, I’m not asking for fifteen, five, hell I’m not asking for even a minute, all I need is twenty seconds, that’s the hard part. What can a man do in twenty seconds, I know women who would have some interesting answers, but men can destroy the world, or you can save a life, you can give love “If Only For One Night” and some might even offer forever.

Honestly Madam Justice I have yet to decide what type of man I will be even at my age, but unfortunately, I have yet to be a brave one, though people have seen different sides of me. Here’s the thing though, let’s reread the rule, I am focusing on “courage” when I should relish on “insane,” and that is something that most will not deny about me, this is something I utterly believe above all else. So if I can get the time right and feel what others think to be insane, as in I have great courage, what is stopping me, there is nothing.

I mean come on just today I have wasted over three hours of my life on something I believe has no value according to me… I am starting to sound like “Cherry” no matter how many times you tell her something she won’t understand. Maybe that’s the trick, thinking I’m insane when it might be the rest of the world, and I’m normal, sort of like that story that the girl told in Veronika Decides to Die: A Novel of Redemption, see how crazy I am becoming these days Justice.

I could be crazy enough to tell you why I didn’t go to prom, well more a story for Inspector Echo am I right? Anyway sometimes I think I see the bigger picture, and other times I only want to live the next few minutes well, sort of like “The 13th Warrior” but most of all I want to be the man I know I can be if I show Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

I talked about taking ten steps last week, and now I don’t know whether to stand or run, but at the end of the day I can’t lie down, but isn’t that what I did at work today *sigh* then again I might need that breath. People Lie, Don’t Stand There now

Monday, April 02, 2018

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

Twenty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, but I am not dead yet which is one of the meanings of this rule; this is but another way to say that I will not join the dead. I will not wait my turn; I will not mourn my life away or even dance on their graves as much as I may want to. The second concept of this rule is a lesson I learned again today, people will lie about you, people will want you to stand for this, but if you hold to their lies what else can you do but fall?

“ let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” Kylo Ren

Given my many chances with death or maybe just this moment, I don’t want to die, the plethora of zombie entertainment shows an overwhelming majority when faced with the dead, stand and fight, or they run, but all choose to live. I have never been one to mourn the dead, my grandmother, aunts, more family, and maybe you could call me heartless, but I do not wallow in tears or even blood, because I can’t swim, there’s a rule in there somewhere, right? Once those that hurt me are gone why do they deserve another drop of sweat, I got my quart of blood, in the end, I need only move on, always keep moving.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now call me a hypocrite but in the same token when somebody lies on me, sweeps something under the rug, I move and I find another place to stand; take my general manager today, what did he make me out to be today, a coward. A man would have moved, a man would have gotten in his face and asked him, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to, does this man think he can call me out like this, an on a racial note a black man tearing another black man down. Allow me to break a bit of a personal record since I haven’t mentioned that bitch in a while but my name is Will, capital WILL and I’m not skeevy, creepy, or some would-be obsessive. She’s not worth the time; I’m just a stupid guy that liked a more idiotic girl.

Some falsehoods should be lying in the dirt, that doesn’t mean you have to dig each one up and the ones that you do, you expose, no more skeletons will find a home in my closet. No more masks either, as I ponder which one to wear today because I know the truth don’t I, People Lie, Don’t Stand There.
“Truth is singular. Its “versions” are mistruths.” Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

Get up and walk ten steps, I heard that in a movie and those guys were fighting for their lives but I barely even pick my feet up anymore, if it wasn’t for stairs… but I imagine there will be someone up there waiting. Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps huh

Monday, March 26, 2018

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

Twenty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, even thinking for a moment that women are less complicated than let’s say most addictions, e.g., a twelve step program, the twelve labors of Hercules, hell even the twelve days of Christmas, keeping in mind when Christmas starts these days.

For most guys, it starts with the girl next door, and honestly, that’s a vast gulf, but for me, it took maybe a year to get over. Third grade was putting girls in the dirt, fourth grade was a whole new type of hitting, and by fifth grade well I was ten steps closer to all kinds of trouble. Puberty was zero to a hundred, talk about missing all the steps, and my parents didn’t help, “no face as hideous as my face” so why bother with the talk right, wasn’t like I was going out anywhere. I’ve always said my mother did her best to raise a gentleman, hell even my father didn’t approve of me smacking girls’ behinds, the rules of courtship were a complete blank for me.

For a guy wholly preoccupied with getting in some girl’s pants, perhaps I am a bit old-fashioned. Maybe I was fortunate enough to be influenced by the 90s with a mix of admiration of R&B and writing, or it could be the fact that I’m a dominant and one of the provisions of submission is to have genuine trust. Also, my standards are quite high, or I’m shallow without any right to be, but for someone of quality one must step their game up, meaning the more I want someone the harder I try, which might not sound fair. Remember though Madam Justice there is also the “Blackjack Scale” to consider, that goes to twenty-one and currently not one human walking the planet is that high. My dog, of course, lives here, has every single need met, toys galore, a myriad of comfy spots including my bed, and when we met, I didn’t have to take ten steps, just one.

So maybe I’m lazy because that love came quickly but for the right girl why not take ten steps, wanting a person is harder than my “Big Ten Inch… record of the band that plays the blues “thanks, Bull Moose Jackson. It means more though to a girl though, if you think she’s everything, knowing she’s worth the travel, truth, Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps.

“You can’t tell me you can’t do it!
Get up and walk ten steps.
– Get up and walk!” Alive

I Will Have No Fear