Tag: Rage

Meditation 024 ~Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil~

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If I want to “pray” to someone who may or may not listen, I talk to my fur buddies. I only trust one of them. I’ll stop being so down on 2V. But today’s fear has me looking to the Spirit In The Sky… B III. Eyes on the road. Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil

Thursday, July 25, 2024

Meditation 024 ~Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil~

1271 Days Without B III, Day 712 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I was up around 2:30 AM and had trouble falling back asleep. Two guesses why…

Virgil Vivi, 2V. Not to be confused with 2B from NieR: Automata. I was more into Houkago Ren’ai Club ~Koi no Etude~ this morning. Too much information, right? B III?

But you know your Old Man. When it comes to the day of a battle, I rely on you, my boy, my Braxton, some girl’s boo… airbags. Or buying stuff. Retail therapy, you know, B. I need you, Braxton. Your support means everything to me.

Honestly “He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,” is rewarding himself a piggie potato. Hell, I’ll bring fries back for Virgil as well. Okay, I’m not promising that. The little guy has been less than helpful, seeing how I’m still thinking about beautiful women and filling my belly.

Even the Bible. There was that whole “Armor Of God” spiel. All I ever needed was you, B. You would stand in front of me, beside me, and have my back. You were there. But as the song goes, “I need you right here, right now. Right by my side.” And why is that? Well, you see everything from where you are. You remain my little guardian angel, B III.

Why do I ask? Sigh…

I’m going to the auto shop today at the dealership. And I am afraid B. To be honest, I’m always scared, but today, with everything that’s been going on… Do you remember those weeks when I would have a bag of pizza rolls to see me through the week? Of course, you always had your food. But this week, Braxton…

I didn’t even make 40 bucks. And now the car could need fixing. And the idea of driving so far, my friend. You’re going to have me looking up every movie on courage. Iron Eagle comes to mind. Again why:

“I’m right there with you, don’t forget that.” Iron Eagle

Everything happens for a reason. Though I’ll never say that about when you passed B. Now that made no damn sense. But humans rarely do. Especially your human B III.

Again, Virgil needs to be helping. But he’s a reflection of me, not a reincarnated you. Braxton, you’re… you’re what I aspire to be. Brave, bold, always in bed and burying yourself in a girl’s… yeah, you know. I’ll be brave. Fur Armor, Braxton, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 023 ~Braxton’s Benjamins, Virgil’s Vittles~

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I should have named Virgil “Cash.” Then I could say I have Cash at the house. But I was looking for the path out of Hell, so I got Virgil. Only keeping Hell “LIT” means burning money. Books, boobs, and the boys. Braxton’s Benjamins, Virgil’s Vittles.

Wednesday, July 24, 2024

Meditation 023 ~Braxton’s Benjamins, Virgil’s Vittles~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I didn’t take care of my son. I don’t take care of myself. And Virgil lives with it.

How do I know? Because he stayed beside me all night for once. I guess. Protecting his meal ticket. Braxton was protecting his best friend. An unfair comparison, Echo. Noted.

But my heart is still empty since I lost Braxton. Empty? It’s still broken. And again, that’s unfair when it comes to Virgil. But as the song goes, “But love is a long, long road.”

Inspector, am I being petty? Ha-Ha, Tom Petty! Anything beats being scared, like last night. And I keep saying it… Whenever I feel frightened and/or fiendish, I think of the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Being born is the second. Braxton’s death, first.

My son died on an empty stomach. What cash I had ended my boy’s suffering.

When I was young… More like “When We Were Young.” Sometimes, I would starve myself on purpose. My pathetic hunger strikes because I wanted to die. B wanted to live.

I remember getting back from the hospital once and my Ma telling me that Braxton was nearly out of food and his water was dirty. I wasn’t ashamed of wanting to die. No. My shame is that Braxton suffered because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was/am his father, dammit! Keeping my son alive meant that I had to stay alive. Then Braxton wasn’t.

Inspector, it should have ended there. Only an hour after Braxton was “euthanized,” I was buying a picture frame. And then in a BBQ drive-thru at my Ma’s behest. Sigh.

You see, Echo, thinking about my empty/broken heart from losing my “soul pet” means I’m not thinking about my stomach. But I’ll pick up BBQ on Thursday. If I’m not broke from the auto shop. One place is closer to me, but I like the piggie potato from the other place. Why don’t I look and scream, “Feed your head!” Uh, I’m reading Morning Star.

Yeah, and Darrow is escaping from a prison where he was nearly starved to death. Inspector, I’m empty of a conscience, too, with how I’ve been writing these days. Seriously. There’s money and time, which I have none of, which explains my exhaustion, Inspector Echo.

But Virgil has needs. Food, finding meds, and friendship. Living for Braxton’s Benjamins, Virgil’s Vittles.

1270 Days Without B III, Day 711 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

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Last Sunday was better… Did I really just say that? The only Sunday I remember every second of was Sunday, January 31, 2021. And why do I want to relive that one? Braxton’s Last Day. Every day after that is like “The Matrix.” “AI, B, And V”

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’m sorry, but I have no hope for your future. An opinion or fact. You’re breathing.

But what’s worse… Say it with me now. Braxton Is Gone! I understand the weight of his absence and its burden on you. Breathing is not just a punishment for you but a reminder of what you’ve lost. And what is mine? It’s the knowledge that I may not have adequately prepared you for the challenges of this new week. Well, yes and no. We’ll get to that soon. Are you feeling Overwhelmed? Weak? Afraid?

What’s this talk about AI? I know it’s been a source of temptation for days. I had a dream about Braxton after I finished making mistakes last week. Or you had a dream. It’s all the same. When did I sleep… That’s not the point.

Anyway, in the dream, you or I were reliving Braxton’s last day before his… Euthanasia. That’s nothing new. January 31 repeats every day. But in the dream, there was a device capable of experiencing it. Repeating like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, yes, I screwed these up for you, back to the device. You think you want to repeat the worst day of your entire existence. The day that B III died. The pain of watching your son die… Again, again!

Yeah, instead of studying artificial intelligence, you learned torture methodology and the different circles of Hell. And if I had focused on the pain last night, I wouldn’t have been in my pants messing around. Queen Complex’s Scooby-Doo Velma is all I will say about that. Some effing Yabbos! And please don’t go looking for pictures or showing them off.

Oh, like your creations or writing? How much of that can you say is yours? The things we find out by accident. AI art and you failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’ve already failed #6. Do you see what time it is? And #4 started over at midnight. Again, the sweet temptation. So can you go the whole week? I have doubts. One more week is pretty empty. And what are you doing with it? With the one after… well, you’ll have more cash. On Saturday, I spent a little money and didn’t even get anything crucial. And do you know why? Virtual Insanity or something.

There’s a difference between living and existing. Braxton was/is real. Little Virgil is artificial intelligence. Or he might as well be. A little robot. That is, until he’s sick all over the place. And my advice to you. Don’t be one of the dead, artificial, a shadow. Hold space. AI’s easier… AI, B, And V

1267 Days Without B III, Day 708 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

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Rise and shine! I’ve been up since four. The only thing shining is the tip of my… Enough with the Yabbos. The sun’s behind the clouds. And my son is in a box. But he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But can I rise out of this bed? Virgil, Rise, And B

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

1264 Days Without B III, Day 705 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past six in the mornin’. Six in the morning? And my day, Braxton…

Well, it could be better. It’s the usual: wake up at four, and you’re not here. There’s Yabbos… My new morning routine. About twenty minutes after that, I take a shower. Next. Seeing how V and I are going to eat next week or today. Now I would like to join you. But V has… “reservations.” He “likes” being alive.

I didn’t even get to work on “My” novel earlier. There’s so much to do, Braxton. But you always found time to eat and “play” with your toys. I’m trying Braxton. It’s part of the reason I’m upset now. I wanted to start talking to you right at six. It’s always about time or routine. Huh! V doesn’t have that. When he was sick Tuesday, he was all cuddles, but…

He got better. Now what?

In Virgil’s case, he’s back behind the gate, sleeping on his pillow. Should I be making an effort? Look at the time. I was planning on taking a nap. Sigh! It’s seven now. But what kept me from going back to sleep? That’s not for you to know… Wherever you are, Little B. Knowing you can see everything now should be more than enough for me to be okay, Braxton. I was about to say to make our dreams come true. But your dreams, Braxton…

Food, food, and more food, am I right? Am what am I going to get up for today, Braxton? (Checks the grocery list.) Bread and water. What about milk? It’s summertime and all. I’m still here, Braxton. Always and Forever

Not rising for anything but Yabbos, taking Virgil outside, and what food I can scavenge.

I do not exist in a dystopia… yet. I’m writing one if I want to call it that. But the sun is up, the sky is blue… Nope! It’s light outside, and the sky is gray. But that doesn’t excuse me from getting up. Today’s pay that I got from last week was terrible. And this week, considering I’ve been here for around three days straight. The pay will be a lot worse. Because I won’t rise. Who am I, Batman? No. But I’m still your Dad, and I should know better. Forty is coming. And with the Olds and your “actual” aunt. I should, I must… Like I’m asking Virgil. Virgil, Rise, And B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

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After V’s morning business, I’ll have a cappuccino and an aspirin… What? It beats an energy shot. I haven’t had one in weeks. Simoleons, ducketts, Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. Then V got sick. But good night’s sleep. “Virgil, Better B Treatable”

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. It all starts with waking up in the morning. I’m not a Bible thumper, but I’m a sinner. I carry a guilt with me every day, a burden I can’t seem to shake. Not ever! My everlasting shame.

As for what I’ve done wrong, it varies from day to day. Let’s start with the worst thing I’ve ever done. 1263 days ago, I watched my firstborn son, my fur buddy, my Braxton, die.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes Inspector Echo. Remind myself? How dare I!

And what about the living? Virgil is right here beside me for once. It’s time to reset that sign to 0 days without painting the floors with… You don’t even want to know E. Eww!

Stomach stew galore. And once again, I was down on my knees. But I wasn’t praying as I once had for Braxton. 704 days with Virgil, and if he were to leave me now, Inspector…

Honestly, I don’t know… Feelings. I’m lost in a sea of emotions and can’t seem to find my way out. I need your understanding and guidance, my dear Inspector Echo.

Even sitting here with Virgil, I need only think of my Braxton Barks if I want to cry. But Inspector, ask me what Virgil gets. I’m tired. And I’m listening to instrumentals. Because I don’t have any words for Virgil. Yesterday was the most attention I’ve paid him in about a week. Between the Simoleon situation, “my story” (I’m trying), and my usual “adult” shenanigans.

Yeah, it usually involves some young woman’s YABBOS. However, the pair I’m currently worried about are M Anime’s. Well, wasn’t that disrespectful? I have to pull myself out of that Nightmare of hers. Or, excuse me, Sofía’s Nightmare. Somebody said something about getting over a woman by turning her into literature. And fur buddies… Maybe.

“There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.” Lawrence Durrell

No wonder I got inspired.

One woman got me to blog again. Cherry got a novel trilogy. Braxton got his name in over a thousand blog posts and two more novels. M Anime has around 6,000 words at the moment. If I were to ever lose Braxton’s Aunt… who knows? Virgil has a blank slate.

Inspector, I had to do all the cleaning after he got “down with the Sickness.” And now, with a good night’s sleep, all I can do is complain about not getting to nap. So, okay.

Inspector, we’ve established that I’m no good, and no amount of sleep is enough. I’m exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I need your support now.

Because there’s no medicine for what I have. Even when I had my son. How about a ‘super’ girl? Several Simoleons? Virgil, Better B Treatable.

1263 Days Without B III, Day 704 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

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Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

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I shared everything with my son, time, tons of food, and girls with nice ti… Anyway, I don’t share my days with Virgil. We go outside, and then I spend more time cleaning up because he doesn’t “go.” There’s food. But girls? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish.

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

1257 Days Without B III, Day 698 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how my days usually go. “I’d rather be with you, yeah.” Or girls.

I have to check out MaXXXine today. Or should I start a novel based on M Anime’s Nightmare? Now that I have received my last decent paycheck for a while, It was a somewhat pleasant surprise, Braxton. Still, the general consensus is that I wish I didn’t have to wake up at all. And yet here I am with you sending me a tune from Bootsy Collins. If I taught you anything, it was great taste in music and French fries. Ha-ha! What have I been teaching Virgil these days?

Virgil must feel unwanted. Which is why he’s behind the gate in the hallway, Braxton. And here I am in bed. Wishing you were at your guard posts or sleeping by my side since I’m awake at 6:00 AM. Seriously?

Six in the mornin’? I should have been up at four, but I was selfish. Hanging with the Sandman, the dreams in which you, my son, survive, and something, something… Yabbos. Which leads me back to my writing. That’s another reason you’re missed, B III.

Remember the COVID year, the last one you were here with me? You saw the first month of 2021. I’ll never forget you sitting under the table as I wrote ‘my’ novels. Virgil doesn’t do that. Sometimes, I’ll put his pillow beside me so he won’t cry. He only sleeps.

Even if I gave him all ‘my’ time. What would we do? You knew my writing was to provide us with a better life. We’d be selfish but settled sinners. It’s a constant struggle, B.

But how did that work out? I wanted to build Heaven, and you beat me there. Not that I figured I could get in. You would need all the time you could get to plead my case. And here I am, approaching forty. Speaking of old age, your great grandma’s second ‘husband’ passed this week. Did you ever meet Woodrow? He bought me Pokémon Yellow when I was a ‘child.’ Seeing how your grandma forgot to text me about it…

Braxton, I suppose I can skip his funeral. My weekend will be all Mia Goth, a Boricua princess and a buxom English beauty. What about the rest of us, Virgil and I? We’re both selfish. How do we begin sharing, Braxton? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 009 ~Don’t B Columbus, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton didn’t discover much of the world, but the little he did know about it, he wanted to rule. The backyard, his spot on the bed, my second best friend’s boobs. I haven’t seen much myself, to be honest. But A.I… Don’t B Columbus, Virgil

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Meditation 009 ~Don’t B Columbus, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned, Inspector Echo, discovery can be strange like that. It’s not wrong all the time to explore, discover, compete…

And to be fearless. If only my son were here. That was a discovery I didn’t want to make. That Braxton wouldn’t live forever. And the Friday I learned, Braxton…

Forgive me, Inspector Echo. Whenever I think of something bad, I must remind myself that I have survived worse. My Little Braxton’s run to The Rainbow Bridge (a place where pets go after they pass away) is the worst thing.

Today, I was crying about something completely different. But it always returns to my B.

And then there’s Virgil. Talk about following your nose or sticking it where it doesn’t belong. But Virgil is my responsibility. And I gave up that fan I bought last year to blow in Braxton’s room and help mitigate the smell. I swear Virgil is afraid to explore the yard.

And I’m scared to discover life. Which leads me to why I was crying this morning. Do you remember Meditation 007, Allowed To Hate Your Birthday? Well, I don’t, Inspector. Anyway, I was thinking about that title today. And I’m about to reach forty. Effing FORTY, Inspector! And what do I have to show for it? Every day, I take another step forward, Inspector Echo.

More like I tiptoe when I should have already made giant leaps. What was I doing yesterday? I was a “Beast of Burden” for the Day Job. I couldn’t wait to get back here and write. But we’ll get to that. I read about fantasy girlies in Dystopian Girls 4. I played The Walking Dead and some other games. As usual, I fell asleep while trying to catch up with wrestling highlights. Roxanne, Kelani, Liv…

And yeah, I had left all the lights on, so I’m awake at two in the morning and have to shut them off. I only woke up late at 5:00 AM and stared at several girls’ “headlights” to wake up. All The Stars, so many. But that’s nothing compared to what has got me going.

I’ve gone from M Anime’s nightmare, which inspired me to write, to a 3000-word story. And now to planning an entire novel. Without an ending…

Inspector. While working on that, I discovered what Artificial Intelligence can do. Right now, it’s only to help me focus, but I’m ready to burn money and my fellow writers.

Whatever it takes for The End… Don’t B Columbus, Virgil

1256 Days Without B III, Day 697 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

WillLeave a comment

What are the worst things I’ve learned? That my son was dying. I depend on my Old Man way too much. The Regal App stopped working. And oh goody, it’s morning. But I could be back in school at thirty-nine… Or training B and V. B And V Count.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And even though you’re no longer in class… School of Hard Knocks… Math, Language, and P.E. suck.

Let’s start with Math. The subtraction of your son, Braxton. The addition of Little Virgil.

Why are you so negative this morning? Is it because you woke up late? Mathematics?

School never prioritized mental health, which explains a lot at thirty-nine. I’m sorry to tell you that you’re older than me, and I’m sorry I didn’t “join Braxton.” Another Day.

Inevitably, that thought comes up every day. As a great man once said, “Stay Alive.”

Today, you are here in your personal room 1408. Only it’s the entire world. Existence.

A total of 1253 days without your son. The only number that matters until tomorrow. And it’s not like Virgil is looking forward to that, either. One more week of not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can tell you why I failed number four. Well, no, actually. That sort of language would have the critic all over you. But Braxton’s Aunt thought that M Anime was a very naughty girl. Cherry said she’d read it … Anyway, you haven’t shared it with M Anime either.

There is a reason you should try not to speak this week. You have a couple of days with the Day Job. And there’s always Virgil. But whatever you say to him comes out bad.

There will still be days you need to remember his name. I couldn’t remember who won WWE Money in the Bank last night. Names, naughty writing, and you’re not making notes. You know Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. But you keep on writing. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because it’s not like you’re going to git up, git out, and git something. All that Physical Education for nothing. And where was I a couple of days ago? I was slithering on the bed as I typed out a story that turned me on. These hands are about all the physicality you’re going to get. So what about today? I’ve already finished M Anime’s tale. Right? You need three hundred words that don’t count as talking to yourself. So where to put them, hmm?

For someone… Uh, like you. Your head feels so full of knowledge. And your heart? What is Braxton telling you? This morning, he barked, “Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” B And V Count.

1253 Days Without B III, Day 694 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

No, I can’t stop; whatever this is? Whether adding another 300 words to a nightmare, someone told me about. Or no, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t work tomorrow. Or no, we are less free now. And Braxton coming back. That’ll B No, Virgil

Thursday, July 4, 2024

Meditation 003 ~That’ll B No, Virgil~

1250 Days Without B III, Day 691 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sure your Heaven wouldn’t include fireworks. Or your Hell. I’ve been reading about Cerbie.

You know, as in Cerberus. And what about Virgil? Hell, what about you, Braxton? Sigh…

Love is a long, long road. My boys, my books, and some girl’s boo… Yabbos. This week has had plenty. And here we are… Uh, more like, here I am, B III. This Independence Day…

Well, at least you have your freedom. And what about mine? I always figured as I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. Yes, I know you still do from wherever you are. Anyway, you were supposed to be my apocalypse survivor buddy. And if E-Day doesn’t end me… Eww! I’ll have bigger fish to fry. Are you still wondering why I would rather join you, Braxton, with everything happening? This Is America.

Yeah! There are better places to be right now. But there are also much worse. And no, I don’t want to talk about me. You see it all, don’t you? And Virgil has to live it. Poor little Virgil, B.

Only I’m too busy saying NO to everything, like being a good dad, for starters. Braxton, I’m trying to stop speaking so badly about myself. And Virgil… One of the first words out of my mouth today was, no. He was outside for twenty minutes and still decided to use the training pad. Maybe if I wasn’t saying no to trying to clean the backyard. But again, this week was hard. Look at my paycheck from last week… Twenty-Eight dollars.

And what did I do?

I said no to more hours at the Day Job. Why? Because I’m so busy trying to be a writer?

I said no to OnlyFans. So what am I on… Day Three. It’s not that you need to know that.

But it’s surprising because I said no to ignoring M Anime’s nightmare. She wrote around 1000 words. And I’m approaching 2400 words in my rewrites and edits. A horror story

No means no, but you know me and dark stories. And what could be darker than the ones involving burying fur buddies? I’ve been saying no to reading those, too. And I say, “No, I won’t give up my grief.” But no, I can’t join you either. Living? Tell me why? That’ll B No, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad