Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

Why do people even care, is my face not enough, my anxiety, how I move or talk, and today I’m getting all these personal questions, and I would say I don’t want to talk about me because Hell the don’t get me. “It’s Okay If They Don’t.”

Monday, November 12, 2018

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

Fifty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars? If anything don’t apologize for how you make it, Tupac Shakur said it best “whether rhyme or crime I’m getting mine” but here’s the thing, if you’re going to be a worker be the best damn worker. If you’re a thief, then accept it; pornstar, writer, jock, don’t be sorry. My General Manager told me once that people didn’t get me *sigh* I should have said “where in my job description it is written I have to help people understand me hmm” so don’t.

Being honest this is the second half of Rule 057: They Don’t Understand Your Shit; so the premise is that people won’t understand you regardless of it being good, bad, or otherwise, you have to be okay with you. If it means, you have to cut people out, or they walk away, don’t change for nobody; my “father” used to tell me to be myself, and he didn’t like me, to this day I meet people he knows, and they say “I didn’t know he had a son.” I’ve grown to accept my status as an “Unperson,” and the thing is people don’t understand why anyone doesn’t want to be like them; have you seen how many “Trumps” we have?

I’ve also told you about how tired I am saying sorry because in a way it merely serves as another excuse for things that I know nothing about and even if I do we all handle things differently than others. One of my coworkers was telling me about his dog passing away, his love leaving him, his truck finally giving up on him and what am I supposed to say, what knowledge can I impart *ahem* Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom, ironic hmm? If something happened to “B III” the last thing I would be doing is working, can’t say a girl I love has left me, I’m perpetually studying that word, and I have two cars and as long as I’m not staying at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving…

Finally, it’s the idea that people aren’t okay with themselves and their “Stuff And Thangs” so they have to make something wrong with you, so they appear normal, and the sad thing is, the world in which I have come to understand makes them “Average Joes.” The big question, is it okay if I don’t understand me, do I understand my shit; my answer is a resounding “Hell to da Naw,” and one day I have to look into the mirror and say, it’s okay if I don’t know and It’s Okay If They Don’t…

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 078 ~Find People Worth Suffering For~

Today’s word is ow, I should probably say sin, sacrifice, and suffering but yes pain encompasses all that, and I’m not suffering for anyone but me and who the Hell am I honestly? Find People Worth Suffering For

Monday, September 17, 2018

Episode 078 ~Find People Worth Suffering For~

Fiftieth Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or is he, she, or it worth that much honestly but haven’t we already covered my little boy with Rule Twenty-Four Be Who My Dog Deserves, which was also Lesson 261 I’m just saying.

Now sure I want plenty of things and there was a time I spent afternoons at the track for horse racing, and then I fell into Blackjack, Poker is a bit more complicated but speaking of which I’m sure I’ve told you about the Blackjack Scale I use when it comes to people… Anyway this morning I was thinking about The Purge and The V Games from “Ven” by Ker Dukey and K Webster, and it’s a tossup between what I would do to protect another person over what I would do for let’s say revenge. Either way, people bring about sin, sacrifice, and yes suffering and while I would go through Hell for a laugh what would I do for another’s happiness, in the end, be the joke *sigh*?

I look back at some of my poetry, and I can see that while in one way I so wish to honor women, I do the exact opposite, but still, those words were hours off my life, things better left unsaid perhaps but women are always talking about a man’s time. Hell Madam Justice, the time I have spent doing things this morning, I’m not proud of, but like most of my gender I am an idiot and believe you me every day I’m Hustlin’. Nah the keyword is suffering.

So what makes a person worth suffering for; as I clued in “Indiana Gone” a friend is a girl you haven’t slept with yet or a guy willing to throw punches in your defense and as always I’ve avoided doing any fighting. Hatred is suffering, but so is love, so the real question is which hurts more, and I answer love but what person do I love, does need even count, I hope not. If I’m breaking this rule by not searching for somebody to like, is there anyone out there looking for me, and I’m sure the Christians would say Jesus, but you do know you’re talking to someone skilled in all manners of Torture Methodology Dear Madam Justice.

Of course, I have no problem finding people to hate, but that fire, while it burns, is but a candle for today because what will I be doing after this… suffering still especially if I plan on going to the movies tonight; what might happen, Find People Worth Suffering For

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

Talk about a question I should never ask if I’m going to make a future not just for me, myself and I but also my son as well because home is where the heart is, and he could use a rest, but there is so much work to do to now. How To Stop Writing

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, did you ever stop after my long hiatus, why even call it that, didn’t I quit… strange that I don’t have an excuse for that when I have them for everything else but the stuff I don’t want to do, how many days do I miss the day job. Yesterday I figured I’d get something real done and I did begin writing my story “Apocalypse Rush” working title of course not that I’ll ever finish with editing.

I find that I have that same empty feeling as I usually do at The Closing Of The Year that promise of I’ll do better, and it never comes; if I am grateful for anything today, it’s that my “father” isn’t arriving by which I mean more time to worry next week. How about the fact that I have to cut the yard tomorrow, I have to make it dog-friendly but hasn’t my whole plan been to find us a home, I mean a real place not owned by others built by my success *sigh*. I keep coming back to this speech I heard that when you want success (wisdom) as badly as you want air, that’s when you’ll be successful, and that’s the problem.

Am I going to use suicide as an excuse, I’m not that dramatic today but how else do you stop writing because the clock shouldn’t serve as an excuse, my wants, and desires, hell the needs that I’m skimping on anyway. I can talk day and night about fear but that shouldn’t be it either, I gave in yesterday talking to GoDaddy about my blog and as Mr. Dink put it “Very Expensive.” How about the concept that I’m writing so I’ll have time for other things but for now shouldn’t everything be about writing anything other than more excuses?

Writing is more a conversation for Lady Sophia I take it, but what started all this was a BITCH, and you would think that would be enough, I don’t want to say fear or anger because that is giving her too much credit. Is that the answer, forgiveness, future, forgetfulness probably some other F words to be sure or maybe there is no end, I wouldn’t want to go all Fahrenheit 451, but I do want to play Detroit: Become Human so answer “you don’t” question How To Stop Writing.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 111 ~Will’s Write of Way~

Why aren’t you writing, well what do I call this, like today walking around my job trying to drown myself at the water fountain because I was in pain, I suppose people look at my writing in much the same way. Will’s Write of Way, just the facts.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Lesson 111 ~Will’s Write of Way~

Hey Lady Sophia
No Fear, at least not anymore, still I wonder what scares me more the truth or the fiction, it has definitely been the truth that has been wearing me out honestly when it comes to my own writing. I heard somewhere if you have a choice between the truth and the legend, then always print the legend but still reality and today.

“Indiana Gone” might kick my ass for not working on my own novel… again but I can write excuses like nobody’s business so what shall it be today? I honestly put in a solid eight hours, what’s to be said for any man that does that, isn’t that just the way of the world? My writing technically is only supposed to take seven but that doesn’t pay well, or even at all not to mention all the spam lately, which brings up another point, what about my blog lately *sigh*.

Having to wake up at two in the morning isn’t helping the cause but you want the truth, how about this, why wake up at two for a job I hate and yet lie on my ass until who knows when for something I actually enjoy doing, somedays at least. That also brings up why I’m not reading today either, did I mention eight hours and then having to do this bout of honesty, if anything at least I have been keeping my word to write every day even if it’s crap. Don’t get me started but I’m looking at that candy bar I had for breakfast; what I always have one at work but that will be another rule at some point, food plus my anxiety equals no fun.

Then there’s my wannabe, Casanova antics, okay maybe I shouldn’t go that far but I haven’t been this busy with women since the days of America Online, may it R.I.P. now a day doesn’t go by when I’m not busy not getting busy, did I just show my age? Last but not least all this new hacking this and gotta be careful that, sometimes I wish I could go back to before the internet and writing god knows how many pages of a novel involving turkeys overtaking the whole world.

If anything at least I’m writing, not a lesson but always a statement of fact because of my creativity… truth is Will’s Write of Way.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 104 ~Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes~

Do I really want to “cheat” with writing, if anything it is the truest sing I know, even if what I write is fiction, at least to a certain degree no doubt? “Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes” when I should be writing something more substantial, maybe?

Friday, October 13, 2017

Lesson 104 ~Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, though this is a video game reference, infinite lives, and cheat codes, I haven’t picked up a controller in months though, years possibly. I’m a sucker for a good story though which is what brings us here, with the term good loosely defined of course.

I swear one day, not someday I’m going to write down every single reason I want to be a writer, but wouldn’t it be better spent writing out my story. Shouldn’t I be working on my novella, “Degrees of Falling” that, of course, is a working title, I’ve also so considered’ “Hot Air” and why did I start working on this story again? Maybe I’m getting all warmed up for NaNoWriMo, do you think I’m honestly going to go for it this year Lady Sophia?

Too bad I can’t write excuses for a living, the latest being my hands are exhausted, seriously they are so sore, and I wish I could at least tell you I punched someone in the face or that I have been doing something productive, other than making money, do I even have a rule about making money. Isn’t that the point of all this, is I was writing to make money then I suppose it wouldn’t be worth it, not to mention what sort of man would that make me; perhaps an educated one if I were reading at least. What about if I ever get famous, I’m going to have to be signing books, so would I complain about my hands then, that’s funny.

Unlike my novella, no wait that can be awfully funny too that I think I’ll ever get anywhere with it, yeah I’m talking to you because I need to talk about my work but I still don’t have to be positive about it, do I? That’s yet another reason that I want to be a writer because maybe I got it all wrong you know, I speak about immortality but maybe you build a life, you lose it, and repeat.

It certainly would explain how weak I get after each go-round or maybe I’m just channeling “Happy Death Day” another review I should be writing but I’m barely keeping up here. Should the question here be, what have I written today, besides talking to you, *sigh* there is always tomorrow indeed, Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

Bask in the glory, of all our problems as the song goes but what are we crying about because there is someone that always has it worse and we’re being selfish? “What Validates A Problem”, is this yet something else I can’t answer?

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Lesson 088 ~What Validates A Problem~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but an answer to a question, how do you solve a problem, I mean any problem in this big wonderful world of ours and I answer, create a bigger problem.

I was talking to “M Anime” today and I feel really bad because I consider her a friend and she feels really bad for considering herself instead of others. Now why do we do that, we’re not allowed to feel bad because other people feel worse, what sort of world is it when we can’t even own what selfishness, I can’t worry about me because I have to worry about you? Don’t get me wrong, she’s dealing with something serious, her family is in Puerto Rico, but she can’t worry about her job because she has to worry about her family but is her worries no longer valid… problem solved.

How about those of us who are the problem, someone considered me a problem and then there was a hurricane and needless to say someone might have bigger problems which in turn solved my problem as well. If anything President Trump is a master at this, have one problem and then try to play the hero, but what happens when you cut off a hydra’s head? The only question is which head is worse, all of them are the same, all of us are equal so why can’t all our worries, concerns, and troubles, be ours without feeling bad honestly?

Then there are the problems we know we have, addictions, phobias, mental, physical, financial, anything and everything and we simply turn our backs on them, because we don’t want our problems we want someone else’s, we fail and that’s on them. If you asked me right now my three biggest problems I’d say swearing off any sexual activity, always worrying about my job, and seeing that Braxton is always looked after. Maybe that’s sort of what my novel was for, create a big problem for some future date so I don’t have to worry about the present to be sure.

Back in school, I would just write math problems, again and again, never having a solution and then I had bigger problems, my father beating my ass, failure, summer school… So what have I learned today, the more things change, the more they stay the same, a problem is a problem regardless of size, sometimes solutions fall out of the sky *shudders*, every single one of us Lady Luna, we are What Validates A Problem.

“Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” Noah Lennox, Beyond Series

I Will Have No Fear


Lesson 014 ~ Measure of a Man~

Just one “man’s” opinion and still I can only wish that it was a better one where it concerns myself but that’s life. Measure of a Man, I don’t know if I hear more “Rocky IV” or “Clay Aiken” but what separates men really

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Lesson 014 ~ Measure of a Man~

Afternoon My Lady Lu,
So is this how long my resolve is worth, less than two weeks since I broke yesterday but then again I’ve seen “40 Days and 40 Nights” and according to the Bible forty is a solid number which puts me in good company. Anyway you know since “the incident” I swore off some “stuff and things” and this being day two, I’m wondering am I becoming that same “man” again.

If you’re asking me right now, I truly don’t want to be, I’ve talked a lot about heroes and what it means to be a man… what it’s a big question don’t you think? I’m not kidding myself to say I’m there yet and one of the reasons is because of all I’ve been through in this life; I don’t think it’s enough. Now you can’t measure your problems again anyone else’s, even if it does make you feel just a little bit better that hey I’m not that guy.

“All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others”. – Animal Farm

The thing is Luna, most of the things that these men can put up with, I might not even have a chance, again why can’t I grow up and just do what needs to be done. When it comes to taking care of Braxton, I find that my anxiety, my fear has no place, so if I’m not a hero I’m at least better than the man I was. How about the time my brakes cut out on me and I crashed into that tree backward and instead of running to my “father” I somehow got to work and afterward got the car fixed up.

Okay maybe that was downright insane but what I’m thinking is some of the best leaders, the best among us are in truth, bad men. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty good men in the world, highly respected and that again goes into how you define the concept that we call manhood these days.

“You are a good man with a good heart, and it’s hard for a good man to be a king.” – Black Panther (Feb 2018)

I hope you don’t mind my somewhat philosophical chats but I present to you three questions, what do I take a man to be, how is man defined, and what is the difference between the good and the bad man.

I think a man is someone who looks out for his family… yes I know women do that too but to a man, his family comes first always, and that’s the man I want to be. Now my “father” is the same but I would never consider him a good man, he’s guilty of the greatest crime I know but that’s another story but he does look after his family. I talk about a man being a leader, a man that commands respect, not by force or terror but by sheer force of will, the man he is, the alpha male that I’ve read about.

“A good man draws a circle around himself and cares for those within. His woman, his children. Other men draw a larger circle and bring within their brothers and sisters. But some men have a great destiny. They must draw around themselves a circle that includes many, many more. Your father was one of those men. You must decide for yourself whether you are, as well.” – 10,000 BC (2008)

The text book definition of a man is a human male but then I look at myself all squirmy and fidgety and of course, that’s because of one part of my anatomy. I deny myself because a woman would choose to deny me, and while I am a man in the physical sense I would not be recognized as a good one for these feelings.

That’s the problem with society, the definition of men, in general, is constantly evolving or maybe devolving because men are being denied their birthright, their place in the universe, hell their right by God however you want to spin it. So men are made to feel bad or become bad purely on the grounds of such rejection and there are really some men that are honestly bad but because this world has become such they are all labeled. I say they because I’m so much worse, I’m one that sees it but I’m not willing to do anything, even when it comes to my own life, part of the problem.

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” Fight Club

Some men though choose to become greater and while it might not make them good men it makes them great in other areas and that is how they are measured.

How do they say “d**k measuring” but is that really fair and since men don’t really do that what are we comparing, a simpler time those cavemen days though I wouldn’t say that much fairer either? I read that men are always found to be wanting and that we must prove ourselves worthy of a woman, with the cavemen the best hunter got the woman, with the code of chivalry, came this concept of “courtly love” I actually followed once.

When we aren’t talking about women the caveman approach remains constant, men are forged in battle, and that is how you know a real one. Hell for all my years of fighting I’m still waiting for my turn, and sometimes I think to win or lose, stand or fall has to be better than this. In another way, being a man in one way makes me a bad one in another but that’s two different women in two different circumstances.

“Because only Spartan women give birth to real men!” 300

So why am I questioning my manhood today, I suppose because if I wanted a woman I could have one right now and while that sounds great, the ideas of what makes a man stops me. Last night there was this woman that got sloppy drunk and said she wanted me bad, so why have I never taken her up on that offer? Maybe it’s the fact that tomorrow I will lose all my bravado because I have to go to work and I will try to stand tall Luna but I will fail again.

Maybe that’s the lesson of today, a man falls and he gets up, now this could apply to everybody but as the song goes this is a man’s world. This is my world to quote another song and I’m the man right but what’s the Measure of a Man right?

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968