Tag: Memorial

Tale 300 ~Author B, Virgil’s Crying~

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My 300th entry in how many years of writing? I’ll have successfully failed to publish a mainstream book in a few months. Ha. B never cried waiting for me. Wherever he is, I hope he’s not. Meanwhile, V’s waiting. For what? “Author B, Virgil’s Crying.”

Friday, April 26, 2024

Tale 300 ~Author B, Virgil’s Crying~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… How did I keep Virgil alive? I wish I could write about how I kept Braxton alive. Not even in fiction.

I’m going to try and stop being mean, Lady Sophia. But considering we are talking on Sunday… I’ve had no time to listen to Master Yoda. And it was a week like this that ended my Braxton. Do I need to tell you the story of what happened to Braxton?

Euthanasia is a bad word, despite how it is defined. But if I had a choice to follow my firstborn son. Well, what would happen to 2V? I wouldn’t end up signing papers for him.

I mean to lose him instead of gain him. But speaking of gain, how about some new books, if the paycheck allows? What is reading doing for me? Between Lena Little, Michael Dalton, and Eric Vall, there are also movies…

I told the Man in the Mirror I had no time for films. But I’m still caught up in the movie “Civil War.” And how many times have I watched the movie “Share?” It’s my new repeated film. Remember, I lost myself to “The Mill.”

At least when I sit in the Den or go to the movies. I’m not hearing Virgil’s bellyaching about me. Again, being a meanie. The Day Job shouldn’t be an excuse. I will never forget what happened to my little boy. And just because I finished my book for the week today, “Possessive Stepbrother.” And I want to get a good jump on “Bikini Days…”

But with all the social media I absorbed, there is plenty to read about fallen fur kids. Kidney failure sucks more than my writing, Sophia.

And yet whenever I go to write… Sometimes, Sophia, I get the same feeling as when I head to the Day Job. But at least sitting here. Where? Is it in bed? The tray in the Den? The Dining Room? With all the stories I wrote right there. Braxton could still have a story. Two.

I would instead read about “relations” and then go back to hating myself without fail.

Why? Because I have to work weeks like this. Because I’m to exist and embrace… what, my vision? And I can’t help but be jealous when I see everyone else’s name in the written word. I admit, even Cherry. She’s 26, and I’m nearly 40, working a Day Job, Sophia.

Writing! Author B, Virgil’s Crying.

1181 Days Without B III, Day 622 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 298 ~B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke~

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My grief, sure as Hell, seems to be unlimited. I’m still crying over B. And then there’s V. Three months was not enough time. And even today, he jumped when I picked him up. And what picks me up? Something, something, girls… B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Tale 298 ~B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I do so every day anyway. But for now, I’m looking for a reason. So Girls, Girls, Girls?

Unlimited tears over my lost boy tend to make me sleepy. That’s called Depression, right?

I’m still mourning, grieving, whatever about B III, and it’s been 1179 days and counting.

A few less, considering today is Thursday, April 18, 2024. And as I’ve been telling all of the ladies. And the spirit of my son. The week in which you’re reading this is going to suck. Much like Misha Cross… Anyway, Inspector, I wish I had other ways to distract myself. I could go and find Virgil. His fear of me seems to be unlimited. Ditto, Inspector. Living in FEAR.

I need to do better, but I have 99 Problems and a… well, never mind. My grief, grossness, and great waste of time are unlimited.

But Virgil is here. How does 620 days sound to you? Besides that 3 days/3 months pamphlet, I read. I should be finding a new book to read. It won’t be anything I can read to Virgil, but at least I could try reading it in the den instead of lying in bed another day.

I told myself I would go shopping today and catch that movie Civil War. Only Virgil was caving cowardly to some cruelty that I’ve invoked upon him. Virgil was cursed to his name if you’ve ever wondered where he got it. A burning Ring of Fire. Virgil, my little guide.

From the book Dante’s Inferno… There’s a reason the 9th Circle of Hell’s about tears.

Betrayal of my best friend.

What about my country and God himself? Braxton was an angel to everyone… Laughs out loud. Okay, he was an angel to my family and his dear aunt. Of course. B III, to me, though, was a God. Love, courage, a reason to breathe. Who else has given me such?

There is a reason I’m avoiding the politics on YouTube and such. And not only because it has been acting up lately. How many times have I watched the movie “Share?” Or is it me trying to bond with Virgil? Again, anything that gets me out of this bed, Inspector. Whatever to keep me awake and alive. Woke? My B III was my apocalypse partner.

Existence is not unlimited… Heaven? Hell? B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke

1179 Days Without B III, Day 620 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 297 ~ That’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

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Life is… beautiful? Everything is… awesome? That’ll be… lovely. And how about existence? I hate this phrase, but “it is what it is.” If something is “good” for others, that is great. Then there’s my boys and their lives, Huh. That’ll B Lovely, Virgil

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Tale 297 ~ That’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But what does that mean now? That I pay? Part of me yearns for you…

Probably you want me to close my eyes, close my eyes, and relax, think of nothing tonight… That nothing is my firstborn son, Braxton. And tonight? It’s Thursday, April 18, 2024. Braxton is still gone. And this coming week? God, I want to join him.

Braxton is love. So are you. So are they. The family we have made together, this existence, the life that we share… I didn’t ask some father in heaven or one down here on Earth.

Love, I didn’t even ask the one I see staring back at me through the mirror. So, what did I want in this existence? It doesn’t come with a menu. But how much is that doggie in the window? I don’t know. Braxton was/is lovely.

And now I sit here in bed. Why… After seeing that little face. The touch of B III’s soft fur. I would hear Braxton’s happiness every time I returned. The taste of food before sharing.

Smell… please ew. In fifteen years, B learned to go outside. And “with that in mind, a soft, nice-smelling girl’s better.” With all the songs I listen to, why can’t I hear I love you?

I know you do, baby. Despite me being a baby. And you asking me anything and everything except the obvious. Because if you ever did, it would be cruel, ugly, and vile, my sweet love. And I’m trying. When I saw V, I thought, “That’ll be lovely.” A fur kid.

His life’s far from lovely.

But again, what about ours? What About Us, What About The Rest Of Us? Anyone? Indeed, everyone is asking me that. And it’s not fair to any of you. To just be lovely, like something to be picked up for dinner. I mean, there’s lovely. And then there’s, well, more. I can sing Isn’t She Lovely about each of our daughters. And what about our sons. I hope they are better men than me. Wasn’t B III, and what about Virgil? Hmm. Virgil Vivi’s trying.

Everything is lovely and awesome. But I want it to be… Well, how it never will be. Braxton should be here to see it. And if I can love as my firstborn son loved me, love. That’ll B Lovely, Virgil

1178 Days Without B III, Day 619 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 294 ~Let’s B Civil, Virgil~

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“Never go to war. Especially with yourself.” That’s in Lord of War. Friday, I went to see Civil War. It’s serious when certain people are in the theater freaking out. But aren’t I always? B was/is a good boy. Girls? Green? Let’s B Civil, Virgil.

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Tale 294 ~Let’s B Civil, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… but that money better be in Canadian dollars. Or Quid or pounds… British money, Lunalesca. Whatever.

My Braxton’s memory is a constant struggle for me. I refuse to let it become a mere memory, to be forgotten or dismissed as one of those ‘it is what it is ‘moments, Lady Luna.

But I didn’t start crying over B today, either. The movie I saw Friday, “Civil War,” did the trick. I swear all the things that I’ve given up. Like writing reviews? But the fear remains.

Sitting in the theater yesterday, I thought about the “deal” I made with these girls. JIC, or Just In Case. That’s from Fear The Walking Dead. Anyway. I told Braxton’s Aunt that if The Dead walked the Earth, I’d save her. If it’s political upheaval, there’s M Anime. In a machine uprising scenario, where’s Cherry?

I told Cherry that? What about the things I told her once upon a time? I’m not a perfect person. I don’t want to be a political one. And when I see myself in the mirror, Lady Lunalesca, Dear God! I am pathetic. And if you hear me moaning over Piper Niven and Onna Kyoushi, particularly Honoka Todo—purple-haired women, I swear, Lady Lunalesca. (Drools).

Can I try to be civil? Show some civility. For once, be a civilian. Just keep it in my pants.

It feels like I’m in a perpetual battle with myself, Lady Lunalesca, and I’m always on the losing side. But when Braxton was here? Yes, it always circles back to my son. My brother-in-arms. That was Braxton. And I rewarded his loyalty… with a box.

The picture of his final moment. There’s a reason I didn’t excel at Journalism, Lunalesca.

That was one more thing I was thinking about while watching “Civil War.” I wanted to be a wartime journalist. Can you imagine that? I don’t remember why that was.

Saturday, April 20, 2024, and I’m one day closer to forty. Now, that is something I know I told Cherry. I don’t want to be forty, but Queen said it best. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all. But I’m here. And what am I doing while sitting in this bed, Lady Luna?

To look up chicks or keep chatting away. I can play a game or make some green. With my words! Grrr! Let’s B Civil, Virgil

1175 Days Without B III, Day 616 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 293 ~Virgil Has WRITES, B~

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When was the last time I went to a bookstore? I did go to the movies to get the story a few weeks ago. So… I don’t want to read V’s story or finish writing B’s. No! I’m all into Eric Vall, Lena Little, and Michael Dalton… “Virgil Has WRITES, B.”

Friday, April 19, 2024

Tale 293 ~Virgil Has WRITES, B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… or write a review. I can share what I’ve learned about Virgil Vivi. And there’s Braxton.

Yes, there is always Braxton. He’s not the first thought of the day. And no, I don’t take that as a sign of healing or acceptance. But when I got up this morning, it was to pick up Virgil. He does better things on his training pads than I do here—any day you choose.

Don’t remind me. Next week is going to suck. Whenever I see the schedule, I’m reminded that this type of week led to Braxton dying. And I write about next week when I’ve lived… well, existed through the worst week, before my son Braxton’s Euthanasia.

That’s such a sanitized word in comparison to what happened to my son. Can I say the word out loud?

The critic wouldn’t like that. But can’t I be a critic too? Is that why I’m so exhausted every morning? Like a little boy, I tell myself stories each and every night. And since I’m not paying for the Balance App anymore… There’s also the fact that these aren’t fairytales.

Some of these books have fairies, witches, elves, demons, and other creatures sans clothing. This reminds me that I have to buy Eric Vall’s latest audiobook. What’s one more story? That’s another thing I was looking at Thursday night. I want to see “Civil War.”

Between a trip to the movies, which is around $30.00. And Eric Vall’s audiobook, $15.00.

Virgil has the right to eat. And I don’t want to. But again next week…

I have to stick around and tell you how I survived because I won’t be filling you in like some “Possessive Stepbrother” by Lena Little. Don’t look at me like that, my lady. You can blame the Kindle Challenge. And the book was only a dollar… So I’m saving money?

And what will I read next? I’m only reading about everything that is taking my money away. I wish I could do something like in the movie Share.” I have an OnlyFans… Ew. I did make $12.00. That’s my worth?

What about my YouTube channel? So many people review things. What about me having Virgil? He’s not Braxton, and he’s not supposed to be. I know it, Sophia. He’s afraid… of me… What’s Virgil’s story?

Someday, I’ll have to read it. Virgil Has WRITES, B

1174 Days Without B III, Day 615 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 291 ~Virgil’s Not Write B~

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I’m not a foodie. The BBQ place here knows my name… Dare I say the first time I drove there was after I signed Braxton’s “Freedom Papers.” Nah! But that’s a day I’ll remember. B III’s future is gone. Food. And no effing around. “Virgil’s Not Write B”

Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Tale 291 ~Virgil’s Not Write B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I haven’t given Virgil Vivi the happily ever after that dogs dream of. It’s Monday, April 8, 2024.

Eclipse Day. But I have only been out for Virgil and Chicken McNuggets. I shouldn’t read or listen to Eric Vall when I’m hungry. Oh! And there was picking up some BBQ. Talk about a bad association. Forever and always, when I think about BBQ, I think about my son, B III. A little weird? It was the first thing I ate after Braxton’s Euthanasia.

Yet I’m not here to talk about my two furry boys… Did I just say that, Echo? I know. Eww! I don’t want to talk about food, Inspector. I’ve bought enough BBQ for three dinners. What about the future crimes I may have committed on this Wednesday? The Day Job? There was the Golden Son finale, too. I’m scared, Inspector.

That’s nothing new. Only to be afraid of books? I’m not one of “those” people. Inspector a story hasn’t rocked me this much since Stroke of Midnight: A Cinderella Novel.

Whatever! You’re not Lady Sophia. And the book Golden Son is not an embarrassment, Echo. I could send it to M Anime without fear. I could tell Cherry everything, Inspector. I could even read it to little Virgil lying here. Of fifteen books, I could read Virgil, two of them. Those other thirteen? There are furry dogs or women without… Anyway, Echo, let’s discuss those stories I can’t share with my boys or female friends. Um, there’s B III’s aunt?

Why not talk about why I’m not writing Braxton’s book or any book right now?

Because you know what stories I’m on since I’m nearly done with Golden Son. All three are written by Eric Vall. There are two audiobooks and one Kindle edition Inspector.

However, let’s start with something innocent… Poor Things with Emma Stone. Do you really want to know why I’m interested in such a film? X/Twitter is not a safe space. Echo, I’ve been going on about Makio Kaneda from the Discipline series for days. Sigh. There was a series I was reminded of just this morning, Keraku-No-OH King of Pleasure.

It’s a love story… Are any of them. The thing is, I want to be that sort of author, animator, and artist. But what do I write when I write. Only Virgil’s Not Write B.

1172 Days Without B III, Day 613 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 290 ~Love Bugs B, Virgil~

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I haven’t been bitten by the love bug in some time. When’s the last time I’ve been outside other than to let V out. Or go anywhere I didn’t want to go. What bugs me the most. Breathing. I wish I could make it worthwhile. Love Bugs B, Virgil

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Tale 290 ~Love Bugs B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But while you always tell and show me, I miss Braxton—you and them. Virgil?

Money makes such a lovely sound. But is it love? For the love of money. If I had it 1,171 days ago, would it have saved my firstborn son, my B? Food insecurity? Never, love! Today, Sunday, April 7, 2024. I’m only thinking about all the problems in the kitchen. Braxton’s food still sits on the counter. Three years? Is that a problem? Frightening, Mad?

Even now, I want to yell out to Braxton to take his medicine or fill up his food and water bowls. I do that for V anyway, but it’s not the same, and it sounds stupid. Doesn’t sound like love…

Like the kitchen faucet that’s acting up, the shelf that fell down, or a messed-up drawer. This mess, I swear.

If that ain’t love, then I don’t know what love is. A well-loved house that I should fix for the living. In doing so, I would honor my Braxton. It’s slowly eating away at me.

Inspecting for termites when I would instead be blasting my way through Terminids, Automatons, and whatever else in the game Helldivers 2. What’s one more distraction? Hmm. I need anything and everything to make some noise. Grieving, Hating, but Loving…

Trying to remember what love sounds like bugs me. Only I want to hear it. You and me, always and forever, my love. I want to place the two of us under the covers. Really?
Hey, it beats me thinking about Maiko Kaneda all day. Your husband has a type.

The two of us love bugs. Those two-legged children of ours, bugging mommy and daddy. Someday, I might even look at Virgil as such. One of our kids. But he didn’t have a choice, my love. I can’t say I was even bitten by the love bug. More like I was bitten by my B. And it would have pained me to leave without Virgil. Only I was being selfish or even obtuse with love. Seriously, what’s with all my talk of bugs anyway? Extermination?

Breathing bugs me. Every breath I take. Take this morning for example. I lied here reading, and Virgil was shoving against me. As long as I didn’t look at him, I could imagine Braxton, love bug. Love Bugs B, Virgil

1171 Days Without B III, Day 612 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 287 ~B’s Wrapping Virgil’s Gift~

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The whole armor of God? I’m more the death shroud with my name on it… So the guys at the morgue can identify the body. But my son. He knows what books I’ll identify with. He sends rap when I’m in a “mood.” And helping V? “B’s Wrapping Virgil’s Gift.”

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Tale 287 ~B’s Wrapping Virgil’s Gift~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… That’d make me something more than Disgusting, Depressed, or “Dee, Dee, Dee,” as Carlos Mencia says.

Do I want to begin the day like this? As with most, I didn’t want to start the day. Period. Too bad, I’m reading a book that involves a resurrection… No! Not the Bible, Lunalesca.

Although now that I think about it. Chrissy, ha-ha, “Christ” was resurrected in book three. And here I am in novel five. That is if you want me to feel grateful for anything, dear Lu.

I will be eternally grateful for my son, Braxton. He gave me 15 years of joy and love that I didn’t deserve, Lady Lunalesca. His presence in my life was/is a constant reminder of the beauty and fragility of life. I also need to check Virgil’s vaccinations. He’s not being sick all over the place. How many things am I supposed to show gratitude about on any given day? Hmm.

Resurrection, Rebirth, Realize, B III.

I’ll stick with 3—as in my three lucky numbers… 3, 5, and 15. These numbers hold a special place in my heart, reminding me of the precious 15 years I had with my son, Braxton. I could really use a wish right now, my Lady. But more than wishing to win the lotto, I want my B back. As always, right, dear Lady Lunalesca.

How about wishing for wisdom? Or some woman, excuse me, women, HaremLit. I could wish not to hate a man named Will, who I see in the mirror every morning.

Anyway, let’s stick with wisdom. Whether I meant to or not, I’ve been studying up on resurrection. Take, for example, my last three books. Again, that is my magic number.

Lunalesca, I’m reading an Eric Vall title now. In another book, the protagonist, Darrow, returned from the dead, right… In Outbreak Rising 2, the narrative was chock full of the dead, which made me reflect on the concept of resurrection.

Every morning, I have to wake up and see the world like Joe Stevens, Bingham Madsen, or Ben. I could go on. All told, life is a gift, and the world has a nice little bow. Now, I could be all Tony Montana and talk about wanting the world Lunalesca. But I liked it when I was working towards giving everything to my only son.

But what about Virgil? What about me? Have you seen the world outside, dear Lady? Virgil spends most of his outside time sitting by the stairs, wanting to come inside.

Lunalesca, I would prefer if it was a wrap for me. I stay cold, covered, and cowardly, Lunalesca. That’s a wrap. B’s Wrapping Virgil’s Gift

1168 Days Without B III, Day 609 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 286 ~Pricing Braxton’s Book, Virgil~

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I shared a book once… A Divine Revelation of Hell. What did my “friend” do to that book? What about my words and books? Uh where? Stories of me bellyaching, seeing boobs, and the loss of Braxton. Priceless? (snickers)! Pricing Braxton’s Book, Virgil.

Friday, April 12, 2024

Tale 286 ~Pricing Braxton’s Book, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… But it wouldn’t be Braxton’s book. He was very much alive, as I tried selling, “Gulp.”

Yes, that is the name of the book, Lady Sophia. And with everything I have done with this Tuesday, April 2, 2024. Or should I say, I haven’t gotten done because of, well, um, gulp…

I meant the sound this time, like the fear that the publishing company I paid has forgotten all about me. It’s not their fault, I know. Humiliations Galore. Laziness? Sleep?

It could be me trying to survive. Do you remember the COVID era? I had about a month to work on a book—any book. And if I wasn’t going to write, I could have spent that time with my B. It was his last year alive. We were supposed to be apocalypse buddies, Sophia.

And now I’m still struggling.

And I wish I could say it’s all about that Dollar, dollar bill, y’all. But no, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, which coincides with what I’ve been gawking at, even with Golden Son.

I really hope I have finished that book by the time you read this. And more so, I hope I’m doing something other than looking up character names from video games and anime. And wasting even more time. Is it better to look at a woman or read about her? And writing about them, Lady Sophia, who am I? Once upon a time… I would have said I’m a writer. Like who, though? Writing what?

If I finished Pierce Brown’s novel last week, I should be reading Eric Vall’s. But who knows, dear Lady Sophia?

I could be weak and broken. And then I reread whatever horrible things I decided to put out into the world courtesy of A.I. Anything has to be better than my own words. No doubt.

In your own words… If it weren’t so hot, I would cry about those old-school days I had to live through. “Gulp” came from all those horrors. And they were nothing compared to what I would eventually suffer when it came to B III’s passing. (Sigh). Run And Tell That.

Better? Write and tell that. And at the very least, I could share the stories of his big brother with Virgil. He’s just glad I’m getting his name right for once. But written by Will Bradford? Pricing Braxton’s Book, Virgil

1167 Days Without B III, Day 608 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 284 ~Virgil, Addictions Can B~

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I canceled the Balance App. It doesn’t mean I’m being kept from one of my addictions, sleep. And I’m being more of a slimeball today. Seeing how far into the future I’m writing. A week? If only writing was my addiction. Virgil, Addictions Can B.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Tale 284 ~Virgil, Addictions Can B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. More than likely, I’ll face a police interrogation or a manager before my Olds, holy rollers, or doctors.

Would it help if I spoke poorly about B III? You know I’m one to pine away about my son. Braxton had three loves in his life. Should I call them addictions? Food, “my” bloodline. And like father like son, certain assets when it came to any company “invited” over. That’s a mouthful to say. Braxton liked girls. In particular, his aunt. Special K? Nah. Inspector, that was more for me. And trust me, we’ll get to women today. Unfortunately

But today is All About You. Is that what you’re telling me, Inspector? What’s today? Tuesday, April 2, 2024. And the second day of Camp NaNoWriMo. What have I done?

I’ve only dreamed of Braxton sleeping by my feet; as I said, writing is life.

I told him I was addicted to the idea of making a better life for us. Only what beat me?

In no particular order, Inspector:

  1. Excella Gionne ― Resident Evil 5
  2. Scarlet ― Final Fantasy VII
  3. Lady Alcina Dimitrescu ― Resident Evil Village
  4. Boa Hancock ― One Piece (Jahara Jayde Cosplay)
  5. Lulu ― Final Fantasy X

Honorable Mentions:
Tifa Lockhart ― Final Fantasy VII
Aerith Gainsborough ― Final Fantasy VII

A few days ago, Cherry asked me, “Is “Relations” all you think about?” Indeed, Inspector Echo. And don’t ask me how long it will be, “slightly older” women in formal attire, between reading about fancy Golds in Golden Son and then Jahara Jayde in cosplay.

Then, my usual book genre.

But even this is not my greatest addiction. What’s My Age Again? I’m nearly forty!!!
(Indiscernible verbal struggles.) Anyway, Inspector, this pathetic old man’s sleeping!

Today, like every other day, next to having Braxton back, I want to go back to bed. As if I ever left. And then I look at Virgil, who’s always sleeping. Following in my footsteps. Please! I don’t want Virgil getting sick all over the floor again. That’s me walking.

Inspector, I’m addicted to my grief, laziness, and genuine stupidity. But the worst of it? FEAR! Which is why I’m reading a book about courage? I hope I’ve finished, Inspector.

Failure is quite addicting as well. Like the touch of Braxton’s fur, the female form. Silence! Virgil, Addictions Can B

1165 Days Without B III, Day 606 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will