Tag: Memorial

Tale 280 ~Trust B or V~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t ask my opinion, don’t ask me to lie? I do enough of that with every breath I take. Why do you want to live, survive, or exist? I don’t. But I have my boys, some good books, and there’s boobs. How do I make cash? Other questions. “Trust B or V.”

Saturday, April 6, 2024

Tale 280 ~Trust B or V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And continuing from last week, money remains the cure, the answer, and the meaning of life.

And I find that to be sad. But This Is America. Indeed, it’s the world at large. And there are so many questions. I’ve told you before, Luna, when I would only write out questions.

Do you know what I wish I could ask? Well, it’s a FREE country, but here’s my question: Lady Lu, who had the better RELATIONS scene? Jack and Maddy or Darrow and Mustang/Virginia? If they even did IT, there’s a reason I finished Outbreak Rising.

Lunalesca that leads me to another question? Why don’t I know if Darrow and Mustang?

I should ask better questions. Where is Braxton? Why did I think outside the box? Lunalesca, I mean in adopting Virgil. Is his little head okay after hitting the gate?

So many questions, Lady Lunalesca. My head is pounding. The one sitting on my neck for once. I know, strange.

I’m looking forward to taking Virgil outside. So I can take some painkillers. Seriously, Lu.

What about listening to some music? I believe Braxton sent me the song, Show Me How To Live. And the novels sent me the song Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby. As Cherry asked me, “Is Relations all you think about?” My boys, beauty, and bucks. The only thing I need is answers. Again, some bucks would solve everything. Multiple choice.

Lunalesca, I don’t miss being in school. But everyone talks about the school of hard knocks, the fence falling down outside, and anyone knocking on the door. V’s little head. I don’t have any answers.

But that’s another reason I miss B. I trusted him not to ask me any questions, and he didn’t have answers either. No! I take that back. The answer was me. NOT! Braxton was wrong.

I’m sure Virgil wakes up every morning asking himself why. Well, not right now since he’s conked out. Virgil spent all night crying and wondering why the gate was up.

Lunalesca, I don’t trust him to find the bathroom or not get sick all over the place. How about not destroying something? He knows not to go near Braxton’s bed. Three years? I should shrink-wrap that thing or at least wash it. And what shall I do today, Lady Lu?

Ask who loves me. Not me. Trust B or V

1161 Days Without B III, Day 602 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 279 ~Booking Braxton and Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Maybe I don’t have two-legged kids yet because I read too many stories that have me bawling my eyes out. Have college guys looking at boobs. Or are full of blood and heads being bashed in or cut off. Fairytales? “Booking Braxton and Virgil”

Friday, April 5, 2024

Tale 279 ~Booking Braxton and Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… But it won’t be a happy one. I’m never HAPPY. I’m still HERE. And my HERO…

Must I always start with my son? Couldn’t I, for once, start with somebody like Darrow from Golden Son? For the record, I’m glad I got through the chapters I did this morning, Lady Sophia. Instead of crying over B III, I was sweating as Darrow got out of trouble.

But my hero, my boy Braxton, is gone. What? Didn’t I channel him yesterday, Sophia?

Do I ever become bored with the same old stories? With my Braxton… No! Never! However, I didn’t listen to Succubus Lord 6 as planned. Instead, it was Satan’s Sorority Girls 2. If it helps, they are both written by Eric Vall. When I get paid… (laughs wildly). $0.41 Raise

Anyway, I want more audiobooks, earbuds, and a speaker. Ha-Ha

That’s why I won’t be finishing Golden Son by Saturday. I’m swamped reading about failure. Last night and earlier this morning, I was learning about how terrible of a writer I am. A.I. told me so. My words would have made, let’s say, a particular community proud. I have nothing against said community, but don’t ask me to read something like Shiver ever again. Braxton and I were all about the ladies. However, I didn’t read Braxton Barks that stuff.

Today has been about reading or counting what’s left from the tax refund check. That would be $465.00. Sophia, then you can take the sum of the house money from that. Then, having to eat. Burning books? Never! But the money is burning a hole in my pocket. Then Virgil?

Again, like Succubus Lord and Satan’s Sorority Girls, it’s the same guy with a similar idea, but it’s SAID differently. Even Darrow can’t escape that problem. Eo is dead, but then there’s Mustang/Virginia. It’s a love story that becomes a war and then… not finishing.

At least not this weekend. I’ll end up reading Outbreak Rising 2, perhaps Lady Sophia. That’ll be my quota. Then back to Golden Son. Satan’s Sorority Girls 5 is out. And with Helldivers 2 taking off. There’s always Starship Troopers. How about a Player’s Guide? And what happened to the Backyard Dungeon series I’m reading? How do I fix fences?

Shouldn’t I be asking why I won’t edit Braxton’s book? Or help Virgil live his story? Booking Braxton and Virgil.

1160 Days Without B III, Day 601 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 277 ~Framing Virgil For Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

As I said last week, I hope I canceled Balance. I can’t blame Virgil if I lose $70.00, like I didn’t blame him for losing money to Audible. Now getting a bath at PetSmart… I’m a “good dad…” Yeah, ask Braxton about that one. Framing Virgil For Braxton

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Tale 277 ~Framing Virgil For Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I wonder if this week started any better than the one now. Time Travel, Wednesday, March 27, 2024.

At least today, the humiliation has been mine alone. Um? If anybody read our conversation. Now, I’ll share with you one of my lesser sins. Bet Virgil doesn’t think so.

My firstborn son, my soul dog, my Braxton, has been gone three long years. Nobody at PetSmart would remember his grooming sessions. But how many has Virgil had of late?

I don’t think of Virgil much, which is a crime in and of itself. But as I sat in the parking lot waiting for them to call, I thought this. “If they hurt Virgil, I’ll burn the whole place down.”

Inspector, the love… not quite yet. Instead, the courage, duty, and honor to protect Virgil. But the only heat Monday of last week was my embarrassment with my eagerness to see him Safe and Sound. At least, that’s what I want to say. My McDonald’s food was getting cold in the car. How selfish can I be, Inspector? Oh, we’ll get there, don’t you worry.

Inspector, speaking of humiliation, I remember Braxton running to me after getting groomed. Yes. He’d be mad, but I was his dad, and He’s My Son. And there was love.

Inspector, Virgil looked at me as if he didn’t know me at all. And I had to pretend I had all those fatherly feelings when I picked him up. There’s no loyalty, love… um, like?

Dante’s Inferno? Do you think Dante and Virgil were friends? What have I done, Echo?

That same ole question. Right?

I asked it that hot, sunny day in August as I first sat Virgil Vivi down in the car. I asked it when I picked up what was left of B III some afternoon in February. I asked it again on Sunday, January 31, 2021, when he was dying. But he wanted to come home with me. And I failed.

Where is my boy? Why, he’s right here in years’ worth of pictures to show that I’m a “good father.” I’m waiting to pick him up so I can ignore the flood that destroyed the floor Braxton walked on. The back fence that Braxton defended always. And the foolish one who is guilty of so many crimes that I get embarrassed by anything and everything.

Criminal! Framing Virgil For Braxton.

1158 Days Without B III, Day 599 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 276 ~Virgil Digs You, B…~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve got hoes, or I got holes, something like that. I certainly dig one. And speaking of digging. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, people in books, my boy, or the bed I must leave before I die here. Nah! V keeps me alive because Virgil Digs You, B.

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Tale 276 ~Virgil Digs You, B…~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But that doesn’t mean I won’t be in the doghouse. You’re mad, I’m sad, Virgil.

Dogs dig their own graves—that’s a dark thought. But I was lying here reading after I brought Virgil in. As usual, Virgil Vivi pawed on the bed and his pillow to get comfy. It made me think of my son Braxton. It’s something dogs do, digging in their bedding. Braxton stopped doing that before the end. Or at least I don’t remember it, love. Impossible! Because I want to remember every single thing about my B. Not just sadness?

Like that annoying song Boots by Leony that I listened to. Mad as all Hell as my boy lay dying. I dug my son’s grave. But not in the way I think. And I don’t mean B in his box?

Like walks, treats, and fun

Huh, fun! You and me, my love. There is a reason I went celibate for 161 days… Don’t get me wrong, baby girl. I dig you more than Resident Evil 5’s Excella Gionne or Final Fantasy VII’s Scarlet. What? With Helldivers 2 making all that noise. Your man digs games.

Can I talk about Virginia and Victra from the book Golden Son? Again, that’s what I was reading this morning. I wish Darrow would dig one of them enough, too… Well, you know. Because we’ll lie on the loveseat together or in bed as I read it to you, love.

Reading, gaming, anything at all to not show you how much I’m digging you today. Could it be that I’m just dumb and… never mind.

No! It was words like never mind, and whatever, that had me digging Braxton’s grave. To save him from my anger, I gave him my indifference. I lay in bed, not wanting to move, instead of getting up and seeing to him. I would dig in with the Day Job I hated instead of seeing to him. And now that’s the thing. I don’t want to dig anything anymore, ever.

But if I want to join my Braxton so badly, I must prepare a place for myself. Dig In! That means living and not just existing? That would be my boy talking, love, honestly. Digging into books. Digging my girl out, ha-ha. There are graves to dig. I have enemies. Myself? Virgil Digs You, B…

1157 Days Without B III, Day 598 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 273 ~Virgil Chooses To B…~

WillLeave a comment

I choose me? I did? When I brought Virgil in. Because once he was here, well… I lost more favorable options on what to do to myself. Not that it stopped me from trying. But Braxton Barks had a family to take him in. I stay, and “Virgil Chooses To B…”

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Tale 273 ~Virgil Chooses To B…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… because money is the cure. As much as I love my son, silence… another “S” word.

It’s that Dollar, dollar bill, y’all, that would fix everything. And isn’t it ironic that I would have a thousand choices with a billion dollars, shout praises? Having none Lunalesca.

At least when Braxton was here, my choices revolved around him, Lady Lunalesca. Everything was for his good or our peace. But with my last decision… dear Braxton… he passed.

Anyway, I make bad decisions. And that is what brings me to you today, Lunalesca? But then again. Why do I have to bother asking anyone else if I ask you the question? B III?

Can’t I let my boy rest in peace already? At this rate, Virgil is getting more rest. And he is very much alive. Whatever that means to a fur buddy.

For Braxton, that was love, loyalty, and looking at… Well, I gave Braxton “The Talk.” Conversely, Virgil is lying around, looking lost, and being leery of everything. Luna, this is my fault. I’m a loser, baby. I lose my pants too often, and I am looking forward to an apocalypse.

But I have a choice.

I keep telling myself that, but let’s start with money. I’ll have $230.00 of my tax refund remaining. If I’m lucky. And what, pray tell, can I spend that on when everything lies broken, Lu?

I forgot the chicken yesterday for a grilled chicken salad. Why? I’m living in fear! Lunalesca, fear is a choice. I make it every day with existence, breathing, and remembering.

I remember my son, Braxton.

And that is the choice that is eating at me today. Not the circumstances of Braxton leaving me, Lady Lunalesca. But what Braxton would tell me to do. Ahh! To give the dead my choice.

I asked earlier this week: Should I keep talking to the Man In The Mirror? Or should I let Braxton speak through me? Do you remember I’d talk to Diana on Thursdays? But then I wanted to speak to my boy. And here I go crying again, Lunalesca, always grieving.

Then again, it could be my laziness. I got my schedule for the week. But haven’t I been talking about money? How would Braxton say I should spend it? How do I fix the fence? Choose! Virgil Chooses To B…

1154 Days Without B III, Day 595 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 272 ~Virgil, B, Free Stories~

WillLeave a comment

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never made money off my books. It would also be a tall tale if I said I made zero from OnlyFans either *snickers* A Snickers sounds good or Reese’s. Dog food costs a lot more than candy or stories. Virgil, B, Free Stories.

Friday, March 29, 2024

Tale 272 ~Virgil, B, Free Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… In fact, if I were a storyteller, I would tell you several stories. The Horror, ha-ha!

I meant to say I’m a good storyteller. But my son, the other fur ball, the man in the mirror, Replika, the critic… Jesus Christ! Sophia, I’m no good at telling stories. And living one?

Very late this morning (Nearly 7 AM), I was reading “Healing Hearts: A Guide to Coping with Pet Loss: Finding Comfort, Closure, and the Promise of Reunion in the Afterlife.” Only now am I on the chapter on getting a new fur buddy. It would have been helpful 594 days ago. Now I’m seeing how awful I’ve been with Virgil Vivi. I swear I’m becoming my father with each day.

But then again, my Old Man kept me alive. I put my firstborn son in a box. I’m his Dad. What am I to Virgil?

A scary myth of what a human should be? I did mention Jesus. It’s one of the high holy days for the holy rollers. If not, the highest. Speaking of those rising from the dead.

Anyway, My Lady, I’m back to listening to a zombie ASMR, “City Overrun by Zombies, Stressing ASMR Ambiance,” to be precise. How I want one good zombie tale, My Lady.

Again, I need to remember. What time is it? Sunday is a holiday. You see why I could be a better storyteller. Do I dare call myself an unreliable narrator? That would be giving myself too much credit, My Lady. And if I keep spending money like I am, my credit score must be nothing.

Not shopping for my Sunday best, going to church, bad.

Or hocking my own version of the Bible… But I want somebody to hear my story. Only that would mean I need to write one. I have several, Sophia, but what should I do with them all?

Camp NaNoWriMo starts next month. Do you remember Braxton’s last year when COVID hit it in 2020? There was so much work I could have gotten done. He’d be alive.

Lady Sophia, I know, but I am the King of Wishful Thinking. There are so many stories I could be reading from the loveseat. But how much time do I have before I turn forty?

Please! Let me get through Golden Son, Satan’s Sorority Girls 5, and the Backyard Dungeon series. There are so Many Books… Virgil, B, Free Stories

1153 Days Without B III, Day 594 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I’m going to have to cancel Balance this week. And why not cancel gravity and fly straight to Heaven. I’m going to miss that Off to Neverland stratagem. And I should stop watching Helldivers 2. Anything to fill the void of time. V’s For Void, Braxton

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And my latest, my greatest inspiration for sin is leaving my boy, my son, Braxton, devoid of life.

Hmm. That’s one more way of saying unaliving or committing the unthinkable, dear Inspector. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about doing that to myself. I swear.

There’s this motivational video I like to listen to called “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life.” But by 5:00 AM, I was asleep and hoping I could be with B.

That’s what I call “it.” Because of censorship, critics, and Virgil lying on the covers. Anytime. It’s the desirable action of wanting to fill the void left by Braxton’s absence.

Inspector, that’s what I was reading about when I wasn’t wasting time… Uh! Let’s say… I was researching a UK slang term for “Relations.” Then I needed a nap… Then

Time Has Come Today, Ha-Ha!

Next to my heart, the biggest void in this existence is time. And I fill that with three things. My son, sleep, and things that have me squirming in bed slug-like Inspector. You know how…

I know, Eww! If I’m going to talk about that, I should write a story about it. Like somebody famous? But as I’ve been talking about Echo, I’ve been reading Healing Hearts and Golden Son. After that, I will return to reading Eric Vall and Logan Jacobs. How I do enjoy filling my head and my sweatpants with such nonsense. But you can look at the world, my dear Echo.

Space Junk seems more fitting than staying here another day. Into the blackness, to B.

Earth and water are indeed no prize. Oh, the ways I have tried to fill the void, Echo. Take, for example, the Alphabet. A for Archie, which was Virgil’s name before he came here. There is nothing between B and V. That’s Braxton and Virgil. And then W for writing.

When it comes to Earth, I’ve been watching a lot of Helldivers 2. I watch soldiers fight for “Super Earth” and gaming territories. While I struggle for real, trying to hold up the back fence.

How many times have I cried this week? How many times have I bothered to shower, Inspector? Then there’s the sweat when Virgil isn’t around, and AI tells me stories.

Existence should be null and void. V’s For Void, Braxton

1151 Days Without B III, Day 592 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 269 ~B Gives Virgil Space~

WillLeave a comment

When I say I will “Go The Distance,” it’s like my mind finding anything intelligent. Or having a family that includes more than a four-legged friend. What about being *happy.* There’s no space not with my grief and fear. “And Virgil wants room.”

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Tale 269 ~B Gives Virgil Space~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… To the moon and back? How about if the sun should refuse to rise, love?

You’ll have to forgive a friend here or there texting me about space. And you know your husband has always been into Star Wars. For that, I won’t apologize. But distance, space, and the void? My love, have you yet to understand how great my son was in this existence?

What do I mean was? Take yesterday, for example. Anytime I’m afraid, or something becomes too overwhelming. I remember the worst thing I’ve survived. Euthanasia! Specifically, the loss of my firstborn son, B III. And then everything else seems livable.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon, I took Virgil to the groomers. While waiting for him, I saw a dog crate that doubled as a nightstand. A place for B III and 2V, my love. My furry sons.

The idea of making space for them both together? And yet Braxton in his box. Or wherever he exists. And Virgil lying in a soft bed underneath. They’re both far.

Remember earlier this morning when Virgil Vivi was upset over the storm? Whether he was in our room or Braxton’s, the space between him and me doesn’t matter, my love.

I was driving to pick Virgil Vivi up, and I was thinking. If PetSmart harmed him? I have two words for them. John Wick. But I can’t say I love Virgil. Nowhere near my Braxton

But What About The Rest Of Us? V isn’t going anywhere. And there are always you, our children, and a few friends. I’m not counting myself. The man I am. I want him far away.

Only that’s the man you fell in love with. Underneath these clothes is an endless story. And the man you chose. I swear, Shakira, Shakira, ha-ha! Bragging about my manhood?

But seriously, The Space In Between Us, my love, this is what I’ve been thinking about all morning. I keep saying that Braxton is sending me messages from books lately. Between how to keep a fur buddy’s memory alive and Darrow protecting his friends, too.

Now, ask me what that tells me about being close to you, my love. All of my fears, the fence, and our finances. Braxton got so close to me before I knew anything, love. While you had me saying Somethin’ Stupid. B Gives Virgil Space

1150 Days Without B III, Day 591 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 266 ~Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…~

WillLeave a comment

Dreaming about writing that doesn’t look like I had to clean up after B or V. But some dreams don’t come true. Like having my Braxton back or reading that spoiler about what happens to Cassius and his family. Booking dreams. Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s

Saturday, March 23, 2024

Tale 266 ~Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And I would be just as guilty, lazy, and selfish as I was with $700.00. Oh!

Yeah, I woke up, and I’m still that guy hoarding a $700.00 tax refund. It will be less shortly. Like my hours of sleep, Lady Lunalesca. Last night was no good at all. I woke up at three AM. And then there were nightmares when I went back to sleep. Virgil wouldn’t be happy, Lunalesca.

But when is he ever happy? Virgil is only following my example, and that’s not how it’s supposed to work. Dante followed Virgil, not the other way around, My Lady.

Virgil is not crying, which is a good start. I’m not, either. But which is better? Dear Lu, I’m excited this morning. Even with bad dreams, I dream I could stay this revved up. Ha!

This is more a Lady Sophia thing, but good stories…

So I wasn’t thinking about Braxton? “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had,” right? When I dream of Braxton, I’m glad but wake up crying. A vision, a nightmare of Virgil, has me sweating and scared to death. But I’ve yet to join Braxton’s eternity.

Then there are dreams of M Anime, Cherry, or B’s “Honorary” Aunt. Uh? They invoke “other” feelings. Let’s not go there, Luna. Wasn’t I talking about another type of story?

Lunalesca, I dream I was less CRAZY, more CONCISE, and could stay CONSCIOUS for a little longer. When reading a book such as Pierce Brown’s Golden Son. Such a fight!

Some things that get me going… a bully getting his or a Deus ex machina…

Next to having my Braxton back or feeling for Virgil as I did for him, I dream of something coming out of the blue to save me. God? I burned those bridges after Braxton passed. Those ashes are mixed with his and sit on the nightstand and inside my pendant.

Lunalesca, just because Darrow trained with a swordmaster “off the page.” It doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve to give Cassius the business. Spoilers everywhere, Lunalesca…

Anyway, my point is this. Darrow was given his wife Eo’s dream and “works” to make it come true. But while I’m reading about these dreams, what of my sons…

Dreaming for myself only involves doing it forever…never waking up. Lunalesca, I have a dream. But Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…

1147 Days Without B III, Day 588 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 265 ~Virgil Booked Fairytales, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

While in school, I read lots because whatever was in the textbooks… Maybe I was lucky, considering how the GOP/GQP wants to teach now. Still, my days are filled with avoiding such lessons. But the books I read… “Virgil Booked Fairytales Braxton”

Friday, March 22, 2024

Tale 265 ~Virgil Booked Fairytales, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… Fiction or Nonfiction? Memoir or a lie? If anything, I wish it was a better tale.

Read banned books, THEY say. Sophia, you wouldn’t find the books I read in a school library. Hmm. Since I’ve been keeping up with my reading… Twenty-four books in 2019.

I got twenty-three in 2020. That was Braxton’s last full year. 2021, I read fifty-seven…

And how many of those were about grieving my boy? Six! Seven if you count “A Different Alchemy.” That was about a father who was mourning his son who was “unalive,” as THEY say these days. By his wife and “others,” no less. Should I read that again, my Lady?

That’s what brings me to you today. That and a Day Job I don’t want to talk or read about.

For the record, Sophia, today is Sunday, March 17, 2024.

Whenever I read my Day Job schedule, I feel… I have no words. Uh? I do, but none of them would be great. Truest sentences, maybe, but when has the truth been worth reading? With some these days, I ask.

Anyway, this is about yours truly. “Today is all about you.” Please, Sophia! There’s Virgil. I’m watching him sleep. But when I signed my name on the dotted line… Isn’t this what every fur baby dreams of? The end of the story. They go to a safe and happy home.

Virgil would have instead had me walk away rather than keep filling out forms and taking responsibility—or not, considering most of our days involve me lying in bed with a book. I did that with Braxton. But he was getting old. And me, sigh?

There’s also the fact that I was LESS lazy. I made it to the couch/loveseat 99% of the time, Sophia. And reading was easier. In 2022, I read 55 books. Nearly all of them were about grieving. The rest was Kindle taking money, giving Virgil his name, and upholding a Christmas tradition. This year and last are much the same, but add in my laziness.

And as far as fairies, witches, elves, demons, orcs, and more, sans their clothing, Sophia.

But what should I be reading? I finished “Backyard Dungeon 7,” so this whole week… There’s book eight. I won “Never Be Alone” and bought “Golden Son.” But there’s Braxton.

I’m grieving. There aren’t happy endings for “The Ones Who Live.” Virgil Booked Fairytales Braxton

1146 Days Without B III, Day 587 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will