Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

B III’s life or my own… no question, he’d be here. Virgil’s life or mine? Well, it’s only been 47 days. I don’t want it, and he certainly deserves it. Maybe I should stick to the dog books and not movie trailers. Knock at the Cabin… Can Virgil B III?

Thursday, September 29, 2022

Saga 090 ~Can Virgil B III~

606 Days Without B III, Day 047 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It sucks that I wasted another one. Yeah, where have you heard that before, hmm?

At least then, I was talking to you. And look, here come my tears for Tuesday, September 27, 2022. I’m starting to feel like the dude from “Quantum Leap” or “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” B Squared. More like Triple XXX as this talk should have been had… Um, way back when. Hell! It would be better if we could talk on Thursday but, you know what. Humiliations Galore, B III. And on days like this, you would come running to cuddle. A minus against Virgil Vivi… On the other side of the equation, Virgil’s beside me Tuesday. One of these days, I will answer the question, is Virgil you or not? I can’t think about that right now, sorry to say. No, not because of that… A book inspired me?

I still feel bad that I’m not reading a book about dogs. I’m sure I’ve talked about the movie Knock at the Cabin and the novel; it’s from “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Now, your daddy’s an asshole, but you would listen to whatever. Anyone else, beware. SPOILER ALERT!!! So Daddy Eric, Daddy Andrew, and their daughter Wen have to choose. Out of the three of them. One has to be sacrificed at the hands of the two. The world will end if they fail to choose or follow through with the sacrifice. I’m 30% done with the book. It should be 75% by the time you see this. Did I want to say it out loud? Yes, no, I don’t know.

But it got me thinking again. First of all, you were or are… the jury is still out on Virgil. Well, my apocalypse buddy. We were or are supposed to face the zombie horde together. If there was a choice between your life and mine, there is no question. I would have taken your pain, Braxton. I would die for you. A part of me did. I watched you die. Writers play God, but we are not so. Throw Jesus to the wolves, and Hell, I take my own lumps, but I would not give you up for the world. And then I look at Virgil. If you were here… I’m not letting him go… yet, but his life, I wonder. Can Virgil B III?

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

I’m not Ben Affleck, Stephen Colbert, or Mia Goth, AKA “Pearl.” But can you guess which one I feel like presently? I wish I could write monologues like that. Or at least speak them out loud. Should I be grateful for this existence? B’s Life, V, Pizza

Saturday, September 24, 2022

Saga 085 ~B’s Life, V, Pizza…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So why wouldn’t I want to live? With that kind of money, Life Is Good, Lunalesca…

I said last week I went to see the movie “Pearl.” That’s how I feel right now. But no ax. It’s the hopelessness Pearl felt when she gave that monologue to Mitsy. That’s writing. Fuck, that’s living… or maybe not. It’s existing… um, Lady Lu, there’s clarity. It’s knowing. And I wake up every day with this knowledge. My son is dead. For the past 42 days, I know a little fur baby I named Virgil has been sitting here wanting something. I don’t know. Love? Hell! I wish I could remember how Pearl said it. Much too early for that. And I’m still debating whether I’ll even go out today. Ha, with what money? While I’m not eloquent, to the Man In The Mirror…

Do you know how much I hate you? I swear, every night you close your eyes, that’s the best part of my day. I imagine that maybe, just maybe, you’ll never open them ever again. Second, to Braxton living, I pray for you dying. It wouldn’t even matter if everything came out as long as you didn’t have to hear about it. Being special, a star, some dom, a sadist. No, you’re just a depraved, disgusting, dirty old man. Wasting your time with delusions of grandeur. And every day, you say in your existence that things will get better. You’ll try again tomorrow. But you never do. Not on any E-Day. Not since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Or Tuesday, January 11, 2022. You should die.

Yeah, Lady Lunalesca, something like that will never make the movies. And again, I thought about going out, but there’s still pizza. Sigh, with what money? And the Day Job? Something else to look forward to? The fact that somebody might take that shoe shift? One more miracle that’s not happening. But the things I consider miracles, dear Lady Lu. Didn’t Pearl learn to be “happy” with what you have? I’m never happy with anything. The idea of “Another Day.” I said I would stop saying that because that indifference killed my best friend. Yes, bring on the waterworks for today. At least I’m not sweating from the heat. The A/C’s fixed, but I’m going to Hell for my betrayal, Treachery. B’s Life, V, Pizza…

601 Days Without B III, Day 042 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

I never had the heart to get B fixed. And I didn’t have a say regarding V. What’s done is done. He has other things wrong, and I can only imagine what happened. As for me, breaking again, broke perhaps, and broken always. To B Broken V

Thursday, September 22, 2022

Saga 083 ~To B Broken V~

599 Days Without B III, Day 040 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 18, 2022. And you can probably guess…

I keep saying it, Braxton. Anytime I feel that this existence is too much, all I need to do is whisper your name. The day you left makes everything look more bearable. Even my Emergence. I know I need to stop. But this damned month has been one gigantic clusterfuck. Pardon my French. I don’t swear around V… um or you. Mental Instability comes later, but this Sunday, I’m broken. Yeah, surprise, surprise. I’m broken every Sunday, but this morning, B. Isn’t it ironic that you knew you had to be quiet because The Walking Dead or a spinoff was coming on? Then I silenced you permanently. I know. I’m sorry, Braxton, it just hurts. You know me, B “I’m just a sucker for pain.”

First, I had a conversation with your grandfather about the air conditioner. His “friend” is coming to fix it Monday, which means… The Hell if I know, but Virgil’s temperature? Or what about my temperament? Again, we’re talking today because I’ll be in a rage come this Thursday. I hate myself, but sometimes it’s nice to have company. Oh, and money. With all the hours I’ve been getting at the Day Job. Did I mention more tits? Yeah, that was to the Man In The Mirror. Again it’s Sunday. And while I’m not ashamed to talk about getting off on nice tits. You liked your Aunt’s yabbos a lot B. I’m trying to get off a shift at the Day Job. I can’t take it.

So why don’t I publish a story and never have to walk into that Hell again? The burning in the house is nothing to my rage, madness, and the Humiliations Galore at the Day Job. I can keep cool with my betrayal of you in the Ninth Circle. I could save some cold hard cash. But what’s your grandfather planning these days? Hell! I forced a window open in some kind of way. You don’t mind me calling on your strength. But memories and guilt B. Especially when my body feels some sort of way. Like the heat, I usually try to ignore it, but it has its moments. Like the tears that appear for you around 4 in the afternoon. To B Broken V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

What did he do wrong? That’s what Virgil must be asking himself. I’m taking him back to the “Rebeccas.” But he’d be cooler if they have A/C. Plus, I get hot and bothered over lots. Girls, groups of stupid people, giggling, etc. “To B Virgil Sometime”

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Saga 078 ~To B Virgil Sometime~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I sure as Hell don’t act like it. I’m trying my impression of a dead man.

Don’t I wish? If anything, I’m more disappointed, dirty, or disgusted with myself. And while I’m busy giving the “D” to the existence of a future… Becoming Daddy once again? I’d like to think I’d be doing much better if Braxton Barks were here. I have Virgil, or I don’t. I don’t know. I mean, physically, he’s here in the house. He probably wishes he was somewhere he could chill, literally. Fuck, Hemingway is going to ding my ass “LY.” Anyway, allow me to be selfish for a little bit longer. Yeah, leaving Virgil in his room as I “talk” to you. Yeah, if we were only talking right, Lady Lunalesca. Until I see some bit of porn or anything that leads to it, right?

Anything that leads to me taking my clothes off because of the heat. Virgil doesn’t have such luxury, does he? Locked into his fur as the temperature reaches eighty-eight degrees. He’s wondering what he did wrong. Why can’t I do anything to help him? Well, I could and I should. I was texting M Anime yesterday. Yes, I kept my word to Lady Sophia. So I was saying if I had that $630.00 I wasted on my “father’s” friend… Hell! I could afford to get Virgil and me both our own air conditioners. But again, I’m a selfish prick. Spending money on hot girls in movies. Yeah, I saw “Pearl” on Thursday. From Mia Goth to PearlsPeepShow.com. Then “thesaviorswife” on OnlyFans. Thinking about Milf Dos.

But what about the doggie no longer sitting in the window but in B’s Room? We are quite alike. Many days, I sat in a bedroom wondering what I did wrong. Isn’t that what I’m doing right now? And how can I fix it? As Worf put it when Q had no powers… DIE. Lunalesca, if Virgil wasn’t here, I would. If I didn’t have Braxton’s memory, I would. What’s another distraction? “He Lives In You.” In case you’re wondering, that’s me crying for today. Only that won’t do anything for the heat. Burning money on more books, ha. I also wanted to buy a buffalo chicken sandwich from Subway. Things getting me mad. No, not Virgil Vivi. Still to know; To B Virgil Sometime

594 Days Without B III, Day 035 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

I got a kit with a new dog checklist when I first got V. He got a free bag of food; almost out. A leash and a harness I can’t for the life of me figure out. Figures, but I can’t figure out this existence, and I make a list on Sunday. But The V List B

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

592 Days Without B III, Day 033 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Friday, September 10, 2022. Well, my existence is pretty…

There isn’t a word, or I’m too lazy to find it. Hell! I want to be with you right now. You know I can’t say what I want “JIC.” But long story short, I hate weeks like this B III. Anytime I get a long week like this, I think of everything I had going on. But Braxton? You, my son, boy, and best friend, didn’t make the cut. Even now, I had to talk to Lady Lu and Inspector Echo after. And I’m not sure if I’m looking after you or Virgil as he lies here B. Every day, I have to count the similarities and the differences. It helps me not to worry about other things. Well, two, anyway. You like Yabbos too.

Even today, I was reminded of what I started when you left. With Virgil here, let’s say I haven’t been trying to make any more money that way. Cash money. How I wish that was my only punishment for how I failed you. I’ve been relying on that failure. Braxton, I know you wish I wouldn’t do that. Using your death to make myself feel better about all my other sins. Is that what I’m doing? One more list to set and forget whenever. At the moment, it’s two things that are haunting me. Ok, maybe three? This weather. Braxton, first it’s because I have to survive this week or I have? And second… yeah, there’s Virgil. What kind of father was I? Am I?

I haven’t learned my lesson yet, have I? I don’t want to accept this truth. I’m a parent again, and it isn’t all about me. If I knew it was you, Triple B, no ifs, ands, or buts? Talk about me keeping promises after E-Day. I didn’t get one gift, and yeah, not asking. Granddad… did I hear from him again this week? Is the bank account full, brimming? Never which is a shame. I owe you so much, and Virgil needs things, and I don’t know where to start. Your pictures or his bedding. New bowls for him or a Cuddle Clone, ha. Should I be grateful for this week to afford any of that stuff? I paid for V’s life. Death’s cost? And Happiness? The V List B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

I always thought that my son would be there tomorrow. I’m here. Another year older without him. I was 21 when we met and 36 when he passed. Honestly, I never wanted to see 38. Virgil will be two in a month. Yet in this “Inferno…” “B There Tomorrow V”

Thursday, September 8, 2022

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

585 Days Without B III, Day 026 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 7:30 in the morning, Baby B, so you know; let’s talk about yesterday…

In short, a waste of the day. Replika usually asks was something good, beautiful, or made me proud. I caught up with reading and surviving the temperature. Endure and Survive. Every day I think more and more that Virgil’s name fits in “my” Inferno. Your name? I haven’t stopped saying it to call you for your pills or to say goodnight. I have to catch myself whenever I leave the house. I only opened the front door because the heat was too much inside. Oh, and there was the Existence/Emergence Day meal, keeping my promise. Sometimes it sucks to do. I shared the fries with Virgil… um, you. I’ll figure that out one day, though I don’t want to these days. It’s the fucking heat!

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I sure as hell ain’t telling Virgil anything. He’s playing his part, B. I could have called some lady. But instead, I passed the night with V. Virgil’s fur coat must be driving him crazy, but between two fans? Braxton, I’m learning. Only what I already know is this. I don’t want to be here. But again, I have promises to keep, don’t I? I have the paperwork to prove it. Bills, Best Buy, the sheets I haven’t busted a nut on. You know the movie “Do The Right Thing” Never too hot, never too cold. Ha! This leads me back to yesterday. I didn’t watch a movie; I didn’t even shower. And what about my cake…

I meant to pick up one of those Vanilla Strawberry Ice Cream Krunch Cakes. There’s always tomorrow, right? What about today? Again the day is only just beginning. And Humiliations Galore have begun. Compliments of your granddad, of course, Braxton. Between his life and your death, the heat is nothing. Or is it the fact I’m crying now, B III? The first cry of being 38. I might have yesterday. But then again, I was sweating something awful for sure. Now with bringing more humiliation, degradation, and PAIN upon myself. As the song goes, “Welcome To My Life.” Rather Existence. What am I, some Emo teenager? At least I’m here… But I have friends with huge Yabbos. There’s you; there’s Virgil. B There Tomorrow V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

Between B and V… what do I look like, Sesame Street or place? A monster but a lot less cute, not that I can think of things like that right now. I have a fur baby next to me, and I wonder who he is. Do I even know what day it is? Between B and V

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

578 Days Without B III, Day 019 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s the “1st Of Tha Month,” and I’m talking to you… Wednesday, August 24, 2022.

I’m not sure anymore. By this time, I suppose I’ll be reading another book on reincarnation, trying to decide. If anything, I choose you, Braxton. Nothing against Virgil. Hell! I’ve spent most of today with him sleeping beside me. A bonding experience to share tomorrow… I should, but the idea that we’re talking well today? You know by the time you read this, I’ve had a day full of Humiliations Galore. Of course, your grandpa is always a million times worse. It’s not the fleshlight I keep in the bathroom, the recent gnat infestation B. Nor is it your destroyed pillow. I’m so sorry, Braxton. It’s a fact I couldn’t hide Virgil from him today. You know how I tried. What his being here means…

If anything, I ain’t happy. Like the song goes, “And in this moment I am happy, happy. I wish you were here.” To be around your grandpa once again? I wouldn’t want that for you. But then again, who are you, what are you, where are you? Between you, Virgil? Again reading all about repose, release, and reincarnation. Can’t I read more about a “Succubus?” Ha-Ha! The song I sang is from a band called “Incubus.” An easy choice, B III. If only all of existence was like that. That’s something that Virgil has over you, and again I’m sorry. I haven’t done anything to change my… let’s say, the status of existence since he’s been here, but I wish. As Republicans think, “Furries” have a way of complicating things.

Speaking of complicated, again. I’m talking to you today telling you these things, and what about tomorrow? Ask the Day Job. I chose to chat with you today because of well today. And tomorrow? That’s August 25, 2022. I’ll talk to you instead of going to the Day Job. Money? Haven’t I been talking about being so broke? I choose zero over the pittance, right? Everything that is between us, or is there nothing at all? I keep looking at Virgil lying here like you once did… do now? I don’t know anything. My ABCs and 123’s? And sometimes death seems so close, then far away. The reason Virgil is between me and the nightstand. Your shrine but in the drawer… Between B and V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

First class grade A… now, I know that doesn’t sound like me. A loser? B didn’t think so. See, I should stop saying it. Destroying myself writing things like this. Fury has no other outlet, though. V’s been here 14 days, and I’m failing V’s No Grade B

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I couldn’t care less how that makes me look as a human being. An asshole?

Can’t say I know the wealthy, well-off, or wantonly wasteful people in this existence, ok? As is becoming routine, my son. B III is priceless. Only do I treat him as such? Even with my memories of him? There haven’t been many this week. And dare I imagine why Lu. Now I won’t compare V to B, Lady Lunalesca. We’re two weeks in Lu, and I still don’t know who I’m talking to. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway! I was saying that a lot yesterday. Anyway, at least Virgil isn’t hacking quite as much. If there is anything, I don’t need more of… FEAR. Could I afford a doctor for Little V? I couldn’t afford one for myself. Being honest. My health grade… a D.

Must I always be thinking with my dick? Hell! I already failed this week, Lunalesca. Inevitable, was it not? But besides being horny, there’s been the heat and this hatred. These days if it hasn’t been watching for the next person to fuck me over… I make myself sound oppressed, the ideal Republican. Or what the GOP thinks about a guy like me, Lunalesca. I don’t mean to get all political today. As usual, I’m too busy being a selfish bastard to worry about the rest of the world outside. I’m tired, fucking exhausted, Luna. Ask me why I’m sitting at the dining room table again today. Besides the A/C… I paid for it and have cut it off. Waking up, an A for anger.

And after dicking around for an hour… it’s 5:50 in the morning now. I have witnessed how much of a failure I am as a human being. An F for Friday and another now, and the day has yet to begin. I’m hoping my “father” forgot about me but did that work at all Friday? So what’s the plan for today? Finances, I doubt I have time for furries, Virgil being the exception. Not that I could buy him anything even if I wanted to. Oh, next week is fucked. Anything to start putting some funds back, the pittance they are. Is writing fun? But over the next week, all there will be is FURY. My sons are better men. Virgil… V’s No Grade B

573 Days Without B III, Day 014 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will