Tag: Time

Saga 341 ~V Making The B-List~

WillLeave a comment

Santa’s list… way too early. The Lamb’s Book of Life? And the government. I’m sure I’ve made it on one out of the three. I can list the bad things others have done but myself. Hell, one word, Braxton. So I’m going to… But V? V Making The B-List.

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

Saga 341 ~V Making The B-List~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that must mean I only like counting money. Or should I say something pretty racist?

I want to say I’m not as bad as Cruz, DeSantis, Donald, the GOP, or MAGA. Hell! Who can keep up with all their crimes? As I time travel, I’m having trouble with my own. Inspector, not a day goes by. I don’t have something to love Braxton for. Even if it’s the fact that killing him is the only crime that matters to me. Hell! Today is Sunday, June 4, 2023. So who knows where I’ll be, come the day you read this. I get scared a bit. Only it was more for Braxton’s sake when he was alive. Who’d love Braxton, Inspector? Shouldn’t I be asking who’ll love Virgil? Do I? Inspector, he’s here… it ain’t enough. That’s one more worry today (sigh).

I would talk all the time before about what I would do to protect Braxton. If it ever was between him and the world… As the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” And I am not a god. My “begotten” son, my Pancake, would be safe. I would watch the world burn for him. Hell! I would burn the world down if it meant Braxton’s life, Inspector. Again I’m not that cruel? Do you remember “Aunt Lee-Lee?” Her husband “Uncle Anthony” murdered her on Saturday, June 1, 2002. Wow! Talk about hearing things from the grave, Echo. She never knew my son. But he set her straight, I suppose. I want to destroy the world, she said. Not on my to-do list

This brings us to today and the things I should be doing. Six Impossible Things? Inspector, I’ve already spoken to the “Man in the Mirror.” Four of those things… failures. And it’s only Sunday. If I were to do anything good? Become Virgil’s Daddy, Inspector? Oh no! I got Bitcoin, and why? Don’t I want to see my sin, “All These Things That I’ve Done?” I want to stay in bed and whine about everything I’m not doing, Inspector. Didn’t I set myself up at the dining room table this morning? Looking into the empty fridge and making a shopping list is not my cup of tea. Remind me to grab cappuccino mix. Listing groceries, ways to hurt, and being happy. V Making The B-List

857 Days Without B III, Day 298 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

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“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 338 ~Please, B Good Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Deals with the devil? A wish from a genie? Getting in bed with the GOP (shudders). The best thing I had going was with B III. I asked him to be good, and I promised I’d be back. Uh, and I ended up being his terminator. The past? Please, B Good Virgil

Sunday, June 4, 2023

Saga 338 ~Please, B Good Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hell! You won’t be this week… a Billionaire, I mean. But, like me, you’ll be wearing hoodies.

You’re the last one who should be talking about wearing anything. Life last week… disgusting. Depressing, Deviant… Is the word DUMB better than STUPID? Whatever. Dog! As in, the dog needs you. Virgil aka Virgil Vivi, aka 2V and not 2B. Ah, that name, ha. First, there’s 2B as in YoRHa No. 2 Type B from Nier: Automata. Rather pornography… Second, as you’ve seen this morning, 2V is not a second Braxton. B resurrected? Never! Did you want to cry today? It’s better out of sadness than the disgust I’ve been feeling again. Didn’t I say something to the tune of, “Guilt before we act is called morality.” Thank 2012’s Liberal Arts. Because what has Virgil done, hmm? What have I done? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Not in the slightest. I’m not a good “man.” I’m not a good… anything. And what about you today? You’re nine hours into the new week. And you can already tell you’ve failed two, three, five, and six. You keep looking at such and such, and you’ll fail four. Existence? You don’t want a good existence but a good life, and how do you start that? Don’t look at me! But isn’t that what today is all about? Braxton was/is so much better. There’s bucks. No, there isn’t because you wouldn’t be starving. And there are way too many boobs. Last week it was all about me whispering, “Please be good.” Saying that to whomever. But it wasn’t a good thing: Only Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING “Vampire Academy” 1 by Richelle Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Please be good. How long have I had the same damn list? Short of the books changing now and again. Is Vampire Academy good? Eff me! Is there goodness? Seeing as how history is being erased. Perhaps Anne Frank’s words will echo forever. “In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” Braxton, Virgil? They ain’t people, but I believe in their goodness. Okay, I’m iffy, considering Virgil’s. Meditating. You’ll do that every night (sigh). But last night, during the Loving-Kindness lesson. It was all about wishing something good for someone else. There’s also hoping for something good for yourself. But like me… What would you want for yourself and everyone? You’d never… bad words, right? Please, B Good Virgil.

854 Days Without B III, Day 295 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 337 ~What’s Past B, Virgil~

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“What we’ve done, we’ve done.” “We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.” TWD. I said I’d never be afraid again. I went to the Day Job. I’d never be a Dad again. 2V’s on the stairs. Boobs. Uh, am I awake? What’s Past B, Virgil?

Saturday, June 3, 2023

Saga 337 ~What’s Past B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Should I give up being a trillionaire? As much as I should, seeing Braxton alive again.

I can’t! Not in this existence, at least. Or, as Tupac put it, “Bury me in pieces cause they fear reincarnation.” That’s what I need today (sigh). To see Braxton’s ashes. Uh, that’s a no. I’ve said before, Lady Lunalesca. Anytime I’m afraid, awkward, or just being asinine. I need only think of my “Lost Boy,” and everything pales compared to my worst crime. It’s like when I’m meditating, and they say, focus on your breath. Lunalesca, that’s B III. Braxton wasn’t here a few minutes ago… Please! Of course, he was. Lunalesca, I know. Hell! I could hear him grumbling as I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off ha-ha. Fear is something I can never leave in the past, Lunalesca.

And you know I’m trying, but then as the song goes, “I take a look at my enormous penis and…” Hell! I might as well bust out Sade’s “Is It a Crime?” Lunalesca? Yeah. Yesterday it was the Day Job because, of course, it is. It’s like being a little boy or back in high school and busting my balls. Pretty much The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident and The Cherry Collision. That’s my STUPIDITY —confessions for Inspector Echo, Lunalesca. FEAR makes me STUPID. Strong, Speedy, Sexual… wait? We’re not talking about my first time, are we? Sick, Savage, but Salvation bound… screaming, oh my God. Okay, I’ll stop. That’s in the past. And instead of the first or last time, I had some “relations….” Yesterday?

There was my fear. And you know how I get over that. Effing! Or at least dreaming, imagining, envisioning, so I can’t forget about The Pic Phenomenon. That’s the past? Lunalesca, try this morning. How I miss my puppy. And what about Virgil, Lady Lu?

Anyway, there are all the pictures… porno. Because I can’t make a gallery for Braxton. And I only want to show that Virgil is alive daily. Lunalesca, Pornography? Something I can’t leave in the past… My feet are still planted in the veterinarian’s office. Lunalesca, my existence should be in the past, along with Braxton’s. But here I am. I’m panicking over a smartphone, spending money, and seeing plenty of Yabbos. It’s Saturday morning. The Past? What’s Past B, Virgil?

853 Days Without B III, Day 294 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

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If I could make any type of movie I wanted. I wish I could say it would involve zombies. What was the last horror movie I watched? What have I been looking at today? My supervillain origin story? And V’s been here almost a year. The B Picture Virgil.

Thursday, June 1, 2023

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

851 Days Without B III, Day 292 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can see what time it is. So how was my day? Well, I’m disgusted.

I could also say, Depressed, Disappointed, or, one of my favorites, DISCOMBOLATED. B, there’s also bereft of dollars. One more reason I’m late talking to you. Out at the movies? As if I have money to see something in theaters anyway. And there’s greatness, Braxton. Instead, you know why I feel so disgusting, dirty, and depraved. Oh, the ABCs, B. But I can’t say I’ve been reading much. I’ve started Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. So that’s a discussion for Lady Sophia. But I don’t want to talk about you or me, not this second. And what about Virgil? Have I watched any movies with him ever? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s been all about (sigh). “The Pic Phenomenon.”

I swear! I need to put the days I eff up in the phone. I’m sure your last day is in there for sure. It’s like effing dominos, you know. If you hadn’t left… There wouldn’t have been The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. So The Cherry Collision wouldn’t exist either. Braxton, I’m not blaming you at all. Only anytime I’m awake, I’m thinking about you. “Crime, it’s the way I fly to you,” as the song goes. I killed my best friend. So any others? Hell! I am so ashamed. It’s like that reporter in “Hotel Rwanda.” Wow! What a jump, huh, Braxton? I do miss watching movies with you and your Aunt. The world made sense. I was wholesome as I could be. Now?

Again, you saw me this morning. Even Virgil was hiding in your room —criminal ideas. Of course, I had them when you were here, no doubt. Only back then it was; B needs me today. And speaking of today, it would be punishment for what I have done to you. There’s everyone else… What do you want a list? Despite what they said back in school, I never made one of “those” lists, B III. And even today, it was only a dollar or bitcoin. Yeah. I remember saying if you’re going into Bitcoin and making temporary emails B III. I’m not being a Law Abiding Citizen. That’s three movies, three crimes, and my existence. Tragedy, comedy. Us, a love story. The B Picture Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton didn’t love much. Me, of course. “My” bloodline. The Aunt adopted. We both liked her boobs. But others were waiting… Yeah, right! I’m a horn dog, and for B, there were bits of food, the bucks I spent on him, and the bed. B Bucks Tradition, V

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “Money can’t buy me love.” Can’t say I’m looking for it.

And Virgil… As I told Braxton’s Aunt, “JSS,” Just Survive Somehow. There’s also “Endure and Survive” if you’re more for The Last of Us. Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam or in English AHEM, I shall either find a way or make one. “So that you understand how serious I am… I’m going to say this in English.” “English, Motherf*cker, Do You Speak It?!” Excuse me for being a Pop Culture Whore. Indeed, I’m much worse, Echo. That is what brings us together today, not marriage. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, The Princess Bride, Inspector Echo. I’m getting my movies right but not my money on this Sunday, May 28, 2023, sigh. I’m trying not to waste any more cash or… bitcoin. What am I? Smooth Criminal?

Hell! If I were, we wouldn’t be talking right now. I’ve heard sirens in the background. And while I am guilty of killing my best friend… I’ll never forget my firstborn son, my B III. How much did that cost me again? I don’t want to go upstairs, Inspector. Paperwork. Effing has me in tears. I’d be effing crying if my last deal went through. Don’t tell MILF Dos, but I cried the first time I saw her naked. So Hott! Over $300.00 some dollars. Inspector, that was some of the best cash I’ve ever spent. Player, Pimp, Pervert… Please! Now I’m an F-Boy. And if you think I was done with the Pop Culture jargon, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Teen Idle, MARINA

Cherry and I like the same song. A twenty-something poetic virgin. And the thirty-eight-year-old asshole who tried to get her to take her clothes off. I have effed up, Inspector. Again I’ve barely spoken to Braxton’s Aunt, and then there’s M Anime. The money flies. Which is why I haven’t been on OnlyFans lately. I’m tired of being the bullshit man… uh, bullshit artist. That is, if you’ve considered the people I’ve been trying to work with these days. All because of one thing? I could go a few places with that Virgil’s not around.

So anyway, love… I’ve talked about the dream I’d have. The Nuclear Family, of course. Braxton would be there. Now? Existence, Existence, never changes. Eff Tradition. B Bucks Tradition, V

“Maybe there is love out there, but it’s running from me. I can’t keep chasing it.” Jackson Smith, The Brothers

850 Days Without B III, Day 291 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of secrets, yet didn’t I say something about anonymity last week. I don’t like anybody talking about me, and that includes myself. I’m not someone to trust, yet here I am, being “transparent.” Such GOP ideology. “B A Secret Virgil”

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Saga 331 ~B A Secret Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. While you’ve become “Secret Agent Man.” One of the “Men In Black.” Or the “Snake Eater,” SIGH.

You wish… Yeah! That you could rip your damn dick off for wasting more money. Oh, and speaking of eating, what will that consist of today? Starving yourself on purpose. Been there, done that, but no. May Virgil never have to see that. Braxton did. One of the few times I was a lousy dog… friend, father, fellow, whatever. B had dirty water, and why? Oh, back then, I was too busy trying to… ok, you’re a big boy. So you can hear the words. But seeing as how you don’t need the cops at the door. I was trying to die back then, dammit. And every day, uh, these last few… You wish I had succeeded and why. Besides Braxton and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Secrets! My failing and yours aren’t. Hell! How many times did you wake up this morning only to go back to bed, and why? It’s not like you can keep yourself from the world you know. However, that is the plan if you ever make it. You’re sitting in bed… First, you woke up as punishment to reset the alarms because of your wayward dick. Around 1:00AM, you woke up because you wanted to simp for Cherry. It’s her birthday. At 4:00AM, perfect, you said you’d wake up at 4:30 and then 5:00. And when it was approaching 6:00, you got up. Why? First, there was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Then came The Cherry Collision. Now The Pic Phenomenon. Won’t help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls by Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this very moment, you’re failing #6 because of how ashamed you are. How asinine your desires are. And how much of an asshole you’re being. Have you been called out on it yet? Not in so many words. Only look at what I’ve done and what you’ll do. Goodness! Not when she turns her back on you. Trust me, the mirror, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” How many friends have I talked to last week? I only need one hand and not even all of the fingers. It Doesn’t Matter… My advice? Don’t go walking around with your dick in your hand. Now that should be a secret. But your heart remains broken in all this. Existence? B A Secret Virgil.

847 Days Without B III, Day 288 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 330 ~B A Second, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Second place, second-class, second rate… Um, give me a second to explain. Do I? What have I told Virgil? How many seconds have I saved, spent, and squandered? Even when I go out to make sure there’s food. Well, V can expect seconds B A Second, Virgil

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Saga 330 ~B A Second, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I have all the time in the world. I want it all, Lady Lunalesca.

Well, in more ways than one. I mean, I can always go to my GOP ideology… I want it all. But what about the Dems and/or Liberals? Biden’s not my first, second, or third choice. Why am I so political this morning, Lady Lunalesca? The first choice hurts too much. Braxton? He’s always looking out for me, even now. Of course, you know what my second choice was after Braxton. Should V consider himself lucky nowadays? Um, to be honest… He and Braxton… AHEM “Poor Unfortunate Souls.” Because to be the center of my attention? I swear, anything that is my first choice. “You Always Hurt The One You Love.” Braxton, Boobies, the boy? I wake up failing Braxton; been looking at boobs. Virgil’s here.

Then again, he might be second, Lunalesca. I found another fur baby before a female. Lunalesca, I don’t mean to sound like some Incel. I read something about calling women females. Everyone needs a second for everything we dictate, do, um, diddle. It seems. Ha! Not that I’m thinking about those last two incidents. I’m still imagining “The Pic Phenomenon.” Man will always choose darkness over any light. Artistic quality. Lunalesca, there is plenty of light even in the dark. But Braxton was/is my light. Lunalesca, I’ve always hated those types that have to be affected by something to see reason. Like a man having a woman to see other women as such. Second-class, never! How about putting “God’s words” above one little voice? Hmm!

Whether you’re Bangin’ on a Trash Can or trying to Think Big. Doug, Lady Lunalesca. Hell! I always have a second for some dumb pop culture reference. That’s another thing. Why must everything be second to someone else? My reasons to become a billionaire, Lu. Because only then will I have the right to be first; I feel To live instead of exist. As always, I feel like that little boy playing Mario Kart with the neighbor kid, demanding second. Now I don’t mean the food. I mean the place. Because if I were ever to get first in racing… Braxton and I were boobs. We were a beautiful pair. Damn, near perfect! Equal. Loved. Need a second? Braxton, you, Virgil. B A Second, Virgil.

846 Days Without B III, Day 287 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad