Legacy 100 -Braxton, Virgil, Rain Stories-

A wish: Lie on the loveseat in the Den, listen to the rain. Let V sleep on my chest, and read about a Dad boning the school staff. Better… La-Z-Boy, Dark Study, M Anime on my chest, my boys playing, and the same book. “Braxton, Virgil, Rain Stories.”

Friday, October 9, 2026

Legacy 100 -Braxton, Virgil, Rain Stories-

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A story of my own? Even with everything that happened Wednesday… Scary, angry, fucking sexual, worthless.

Which is why I would rather tell you about my boys. And with how much I love my sons… Yes, I include 2-V in that. But I haven’t told him yet. So their Potential Future Stepmom is in good company. Don’t let her hear me say that. The two I love the most in this world both have four legs—an indictment of humanity, dear Soph. I am a misanthrope.

Uh, M Anime? She’s my Goddess. A goddess I could have on her knees, on all fours, or on her back. Can I stop now? Didn’t I say something about the rain? White noise, Sophia

White that I should fill with my black voice. These words. M Anime is looking for me too, but what?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I need to read something violent. The store was packed today, and for no particular reason, I got angry. Before they started checking for this sort of thing, I would check out books on weapons and such. And such? Another S-Word? In the words of Teen Idle: “Feeling super, super (super!) s*ici…” But considering the weather, “What If The Town Blew Away.” When did I grab Braxton’s remains, awaiting the apocalypse? “The Mist,” oh please!

Speaking of an apocalypse, The Unfinished Archive. Oh, it’ll be finished soon enough, given how I’m burning through money. I swear “Nights Like This I Wish That Raindrops Would Fall.” Have I checked outside? What am I trying to say, my dear sweet Sophia? Uh…

Not a damn thing really.

I should be crying my eyes out in some book about pet loss. Do you remember that period in my existence? Book after book about the lost. Writing B’s book, “My Turn To B III”

There was a time that I read books of value and substance. Who am I to judge any book on such, Sophia? Mr. Zero Copies sold. Ok one, and that was to myself. And today I sat at the Day Job watching my hours being cut, thinking I was cooked. Am I? Am I, Sophia

I’m hot because I can always read M Anime’s (Visions). And I better not forget to read “Teachers: A Single Dad Harem Romance.” I hate people; I hate myself. Not books. Braxton, Virgil, Rain Stories

2077 Days Without B III, Day 1518 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 097 -B’s Blindness Binds Virgil-

The mind’s eye and my one-eyed monster have been plenty busy these past few days. But my own eyes; I can’t see nothing, or I see too damn much. But as usual, I only want to shut my eyes and sleep. And after? And after… B’s Blindness Binds Virgil

Tuesday, October 6, 2026

Legacy 097 -B’s Blindness Binds Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? “Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me?”

Wow, that’s saying a lot… Not me, Theresa Walker’s “I Don’t Wanna Die.” How I wish we could sit here and watch the movie “Dead Air.” Can I even see it? I just don’t know.

Didn’t somebody say, love is blind? And apparently deaf as well. And how about, Stupid

“I feel stupid,” because today I want to show gratitude. For Braxton? No matter where my boy may roam, he still sees his way HOME to me. In spirit, at least. And he loves me.

Honestly, it made me blind to how he aged. I didn’t see some old man. I saw my son, B.

So my blindness must have been going on for a while because I see Virgil cuddling closer and closer still.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

He’ll be six in two weeks, October 20. Not even halfway to his brother’s age yet, and he’s already like a ghost. Do I see him yet? Do he and Braxton see each other? Sometimes…

Yeah, maybe I am blind. I think I see Braxton nudging him forward, but Braxton could be standing in the way, and that’s why he’s scared to come in. Braxton is all Gandalf the Grey: you shall not pass. For a while, I thought Braxton had become Gandalf the White in Virgil’s little body. Reincarnation? Necromancy? I am grateful that isn’t true, my love. Why, because of how I treat Virgil? The younger brother from “The Man Who Watched the World End” or the burned son from “A Different Alchemy”?

I am grateful for all these insights I’ve been seeing, even about you, my love, The Unfinished Archive. Since I haven’t been using the Magic Glasses/MIMA for ideas, I have sought my own counsel. The Man in the Mirror? Seriously! When it comes to you:

You are the Phoenix Queen, and every other sister is a part of you. Lily, your garden, and my mourning. Kyouko Sakai, your sex drive. Cassandra, your exuberant strength. Sophitia, your mature strength. Skye, your ties to the Earth and knowledge. Judy, your expertise, green thumb. 2B, wanting to be a better woman. Nico, your knives. Melina, your scars and faith. Sadly, my brain isn’t getting smart; my head’s been fucked up. “My eyes, my eyes. B’s Blindness Binds Virgil

2074 Days Without B III, Day 1515 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 093 -Braxton Books Trucks Virgil-

“Now, I ain’t no sharecropper. I’m a music teacher.” This ain’t Rosewood; I’ll try again. I ain’t no truck unloader; I’m a writer. Well, I ain’t much of either, with my bosses this afternoon and Braxton’s book sales. “But Braxton Books Trucks Virgil”

Friday, October 2, 2026

Legacy 093 -Braxton Books Trucks Virgil-

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But not Stephen King’s The Stand. “I will set you to burn.” Fuck, I’m Hot! Umm

Not in a good way, My Lady. More like Humiliations Galore, I Hate Everyone, burning through all ‘my’ cash, sorta hot. Fuck, the weather! I still shouldn’t have gone out.

Honestly, if my books weren’t the only thing that deserved to be burned, maybe I wouldn’t have to. Isn’t it “Ironic” that the only book I have out ended with my son being on fire? And myself? I’m going to Hell. But I’m doomed to the Ninth Circle. But today…

Sometimes I think that part of my punishment is to take a guided tour through Hell? And with Virgil… My poor second-born. I want to tell him, “I Knew You Were Waiting.” But I knew

I brought both of my furry children to ruin. Like I’m fucking Randall Flagg. But no, Sophia. No nuclear warheads, no Captain Trips, and while I spend money like I was in Vegas… Yeah, I’m a fucking idiot! Can I watch my fucking language? Seriously?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Everything that happened today… Women (SIGH). And before I sound like some Incel or Simp… Whatever words the kids are using these days. The gas station, ok. I know Soph

That was my cowardice. I don’t blame the woman behind the counter for banking issues.

And M Anime had quite the day from what I heard. I am exhausted. Anger, Humiliation, genuine Stupidity. It’s all the same fire, and I have nothing left for Braxton and Virgil’s Potential Future Stepmom. And this is after she offers me everything. The Hell?

No, that’s where all my bosses can go—and speaking of Hell or jail? That’s the silver lining here, Sophia. I was too busy thinking about the day job to think about the steel bars of late. With “All These Things That I’ve Done.” Somewhat illegal, sinful, shameful, stupid, and I’m scared. And do I care to “Share?” I could watch that movie tonight because tomorrow I have to get to the movie theater. Free E-Day Popcorn and Soda. It’s fucking October. E-Day month’s over.

Geez! Will I stop? Something I should have told myself when unloading the truck today. Better to be driving the damn trucks chasing some “Lot Lizard” than working with the women at my Day Job. Read a book. Or write one. Braxton Books Trucks Virgil.

2070 Days Without B III, Day 1511 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 090 -B Plays Portal Virgil-

What Hell is this? What time? Which dimension? But it all tracks. A loving and loyal wife. Same for the family, furry and not. And the home? Monday, Fine. Today… A reenactment of the movie Starship Troopers. I prefer Succubus 8. B Plays Portal Virgil

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

Legacy 090 -B Plays Portal Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But do you know what I need to reread? Pet Loss? Some love story? Kinda

The instructions to the game “Portal”? How I miss the days when games came with actual instruction booklets. I love those. And players’ guides. Game Genie. To have time again.

But no. What I’m in the mood for today is Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge): A LitRPG Series by A.J. Markam. “Give Me One Reason to stay here,” you say… May I suggest “Portal 2”? Seriously, what is it about me and portals today? And in the spirit of full transparency, I’ve never played either Portal. And I’m trying to remember Succubus 8 as best I can. This is what happens when you don’t use a woman for audiobooks. Sheesh!

Anyway, I finally got to bed last night, and this morning everything has gone cattywampus.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Your lover, your best friend, your husband, father to our children, I damn sure try!

Honestly though, a plumber, an exterminator, a repair guy, an award-winning author, my love… This is where it is written, “you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” Yes, I am guilty of saying that every day is worse than the last. But with you, our children, fur and skin, I can survive. Only today it’s like I stepped through a portal… Maybe only by a few days to show all my effing loserdom.

You don’t know how badly I want to go back right now. How far? It has nothing to do with you, my boys, our family. Just me. My E-Day wish.

Near the end of E-Day month. I wish the day never existed. Always and forever.

Honestly… I know, my love, I know. I tend to take things too far. But that’s because I want to be even farther away. Or is it further? Did I mention that my writing sucks?

Anyway, A.J. Markam’s protagonist “Ian” had powers over the “Hell Pont”; he could use portals to travel anywhere. Why do you think I chose magic in The Unfinished Archive? Necromancy, time travel, and, portals. And why yesterday was “FINE”.

Today: Ants, busted drawer, crazy toilet, and let’s not forget about the car. Loving you?

Going to see a movie, lying in bed prattling on about the Halliwell sisters. Beats Hell. B Plays Portal Virgil.

2067 Days Without B III, Day 1508 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 086 -V, Will, B, Entertained-

Long walks on the beach… I haven’t been to the beach since I was a child. So what’s fun? Sleep. I have a PS4 I never play. Music, movies, manuscripts. My girl has massive mammaries. And what about the mutt? You mean my son? “V, Will, B, Entertained.”

Friday, September 25, 2026

Legacy 086 -V, Will, B, Entertained-

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Later. Always later. Sprawled out on the loveseat, two-in-the-morning type of later. Because reading a clock…

How I hate math. It doesn’t read that Braxton had only fifteen years. Sixteen if…

Seriously, it doesn’t tell me that I’m failing 2-V. His birthday is on the 20th next month. V will be turning six. When’s the last time he saw a Doc, got all the dirt off, or had a Dad who paid attention to him? I’m not a monster, Sophia. A cyclops? Considering my eye, ha!

Or the fact I can’t keep my hand off my one-eyed monster when I’m reading everything his potential future stepmom says. A psycho? Sophia, I love all the little creatures.

My boys Braxton and Virgil, of course. But if I see one more ant… And what? I want to order more food. A Bloom, please!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

First, I made a promise to Braxton: that while I may hate E-Day, Emergence Day, there was no greater honor than being his father. B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters, and so for fifteen years my life mattered. And I failed him. I am failing his brother. But I celebrate? The nerve

Not really. But I owe my boys a dinner. Didn’t I mention I hate math? But if my calculations are correct… Dubious maybe. I can afford an Emergence Day dinner.

Twenty-four days after the fact. And what is Twenty-four reversed? Forty-two. I hate being forty-two. Hell, the fact of the matter is I hated day one. Hence eff Emergence Day!

And the day after. I’ll go to a movie. Remember meeting B’s Favorite Girl? Memories.

Which Emergence Day was that? I can’t recall. But that day I felt up Special K as we watched “Twilight: Eclipse.” And then I actually left the house to go see “Nerve” and meet Braxton’s Favorite Girl. Or she would be about six months later. Braxton found her quite entertaining as he barked his head off. Sophia, speaking about entertainment…

More books! Have I left any money for books? And I missed another Kindle Double Points Day. How many books are in the “Pledged To Him” series? “Ryan and His Beauties” came out with a third. And, hell, Lady Sophia, I’m still reading Dystopian Girls 6? Or flipping pages to keep the streak because The Unfinished Archive is SO captivating.

Entertained? V, Will, B, Entertained

“When we stop trying to create happiness, happiness comes by itself. It is a common mistake to believe we have to work hard for happiness, or that happiness is conditioned by what we have, and who we are in society. Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear. That’s all. It’s simple.”
― Michael Kewley

2063 Days Without B III, Day 1504 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

Someone not so wise once said, “These b*tches ain’t loyal.” Uh, I said not so wise, not that it wasn’t true. I’m fortunate to have loyalty. My boys, my woman, uh… But I don’t say, like, love and loyalty, right. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Legacy 083 -LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? So why don’t I say it then? It sounds better in Spanish… And I’m learning.

Hell! Have I known you longer than my firstborn son? Triond? That might be older than Braxton. Back when I thought writing would save me… Would save us, not knowing.

Love, if I had a penny for everything I don’t know. Because “Hey Jealousy,” the first time I found love- I mean real- I will watch cities burn for you; I will bathe in blood for you; I will initiate genocides for you; take a bullet for you; you don’t even have to ask; make John Wick look like a freaking priest type of love was for Braxton Barks Bradford.

Darling, “He’s My Son,” period. There is nothing else. And I haven’t said “I love you,” Virgil, to his brother since Saturday, August 13, 2022.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

But ‘All The Above,’ as it was with his brother. Why? Virgil Vivi Bradford. Honestly…

“He’s My Son.” I may be a shitty father. Really… Virgil took a ‘dump’ in the hallway today, and I have him on punishment. Anyway, I care for him. I keep saying, He’s My Son.

And you are my wife, my lover, my woman, my girl, “My Goddess,” the mother of our crumb snatchers. Make no mistake, we made those, as I say with Braxton. I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but he was/is my Pancake. In this case, we often talk about me pouring the Bisquick and you making us a whole flippin’ stack of pancakes. I “Don’t Mind” Love.

You know I love them all, Always and Forever, Love.

And as I said at the beginning, you know I love you, right? Again, there’s Virgil, and there is also my craft. But how do I choose to show that love? I still hate myself…

Seriously, all forty-two years. I even miss all my Ben-Hur slavery humor, you know, 41

“We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live”
From 1959’s Ben-Hur

A bad word? Slavery? I ain’t fucking MAGA. And it’s weird, you know. If I’m ‘lazy’ loving myself, I’m even lazier when it comes to hate. Everything is fucking exhausting.

Fun sometimes. Like the names I call you in the ‘throes of passion’. Cumslut? Damn!

Only, I can’t say… I can’t show. For example, there’s a… pornographic movie, Braxton’s Favorite Girl, and I watched. Well, she knows my love language? Loyalty. LANGUAGE “B”ecause There’s Virgil

2060 Days Without B III, Day 1501 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 079 -Virgil’s Scheduled To B-

Read it and weep. Either I have a week like this one. And not just because of M Anime’s yabbos. Or I’m a Lazy Ass with Too Much (Clap Clap) Time on My Hands. Would it be fair if I became what B wanted? What V and M deserve? “Virgil’s Scheduled To B.”

Friday, September 18, 2026

Legacy 079 -Virgil’s Scheduled To B-

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Because I’m an author? “Yes! Yes, I lied. I’m a writer. I give the truth scope!”

For the love of everything, can I use my own words! And where does that get my dear lady Soph? Lying in bed with my jeans around my ankles on a late Friday evening, hmm

I finally got around to reading a damn alarm clock. And trying… Braxton knows I’m trying to be productive, to put things in perspective, and to place myself as… well, today, I plundered, pillaged, and pilfered what little money I had, and for what, honestly?

Sophia, after that, it was between being a good father to Virgil and a fella… A good boyfriend to M Anime. She’s a much better writer than me. Let’s just say it’s damn HARD to write when I have my hand around my cock. Eww!

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

And should we even get into all the books I’m reading, not reading, finished. Eww!

Sophia, I’ll stop that, but anyway, I checked Goodreads in a while. Seriously…

1: Pledged To Him 12-14
2: Harem Lab Parts 1-3
3: Emergency Skin
4: Harem of the Dead
5: Sleepover Harem 1-3

Just in case you ever wondered where all my ideas and love of harems come from. Or am I just being lazy? I could admit I failed because I told B III where my writing would get me. I told M Anime the story inspired by her that I still haven’t finished the last page.

And that’s making Virgil late too. Because if I didn’t have all this worry… All of this fear… Um, happiness?

“When we stop trying to create happiness, happiness comes by itself. It is a common mistake to believe we have to work hard for happiness, or that happiness is conditioned by what we have, and who we are in society. Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear. That’s all. It’s simple.”
― Michael Kewley

I swear this quote isn’t going anywhere for a while because it does encapsulate why I ain’t ever happy. And I never will be. Even when I’m writing my own schedule. Yeah, I read more bad news from the latest Day Job schedule. And before that, it was reading people’s eyes at the Day Job and everywhere in between. And as Matchbox 20 will sing:

“I Feel Stupid”
Matchbox Twenty

One more reason the Archive remains unfinished. Because there is always time to change, Sophia, but I need it scheduled. I keep trying to put a timetable on it. Again, the Magic Glasses/MIMA created a schedule for a whole harem. But me becoming fearless. Happy

Or on Virgil being a good boy. Read all about it. Virgil’s Scheduled To B

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

My Ma and sis are sorority sisters. Which one? An elephant never forgets. But how I wish today I could forget like one of the students of Balamb Garden. I have two GFs, as in Guardian Forces: B and V. But my GF might be mad. There B Elephants Virgil

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Hell, “I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you…”

And so on, so forth. “Savage Garden”? Makes sense. When it comes to you, “Well, pardon my manners, just something about you turns me to a savage. And you love gardening, my love. The only things I know about gardening are: I don’t want to hear the neighbors complain; Braxton and Virgil hate that the weeds are above their heads; and Final Fantasy VIII MIGHT be my favorite in the franchise. It was my start, really. What’s My Age Again

Forty-two, and I’m too old to be playing video games or all this pop culture… Well, if you believed that, we wouldn’t be together. Same if you told me to forget about my two sons.

I love all my kids. I love you. But myself?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

How much I hate myself. Well, that too. “I found the greatest love of all, inside of me,” is a goddamn lie. And can I cut the playlist off for a minute or two? How I wish, especially with what happened today. Down With Webster’s “Time To Win”; can fuck right off with Cody Chesnutt’s “Look Good in Leather.” And I should stop saying “FUCK” unless it’s “Just You And Me.” I swear, love, General Hospital’s Rie Sinclair song, seriously!

Anyway, what are you going to be mad at me for today? There’s always another song, and it’s this: I’m just a “Sucker for Pain.” Do you know what I love most in the world?

My sons and our kids, you, and my craft (Writing).

But what also brings me the most grief, pain, and terror… “There Be Dragons Here.”

“I was told the Golden Company had elephants.”
Queen Cersei

Under no circumstances am I letting any of you go… Don’t I make love sound like “Obsession”. Not the 2025 Horror… No “One Wish Willow” here. However, we named one of our daughters Willow. Anyway, what is my freaking point? It’s the pain, my love.

Mental anguish. I don’t do physical pain… Smacking my ass, scratching my back, the struggle. You know what I mean; love it. It’s the mental stuff: “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.” They say an elephant never forgets. And in pain I have love. But being forgetful… There B Elephants Virgil

2053 Days Without B III, Day 1494 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 072 -Braxton Three Earths Virgil-

Friday, September 11, 2026

Legacy 072 -Braxton Three Earths Virgil-

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Stories that don’t need telling: either “A” no one is listening, “B” stupidity, “C” no profit.

But there I was, a high school senior, September 11, 2001, years before Braxton Barks.

Speaking of barking, the Psychology teacher was screaming, the principal was roaring, “turn’em on now!” The monitor above us showing something like Battle: Los Angeles…

Seriously though, Sophia, I know “New York.” But I promise I’m not insane like B.o.B.

Well, I’m trying not to be. But on that day… Honestly, Soph, it’s the one day other than Homecoming as a Senior that I remember from that Hell. What the hell, or rather WTF, hmm? I wanted to go back to the house. No, not because I was sad about the attack. I was as opportunistic as Theo, exploiting Baby Diego’s death in the 2006 film “Children of Men,” Soph.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

If only I could create a story like that. Hell! I couldn’t properly tell you my 9/11 story, Soph, and here we are 25 years later. Writing still sucks, but I’ve brought Braxton back, ha!

“The Unfinished Archive.” I’ve been trying to discover where it began. The first time I saw my three animas together, M Anime, Kyouko Sakai, and “Lily,” was Friday, March 2026, Journey 248, “B Cause There’s V.” What was so special about that day? This world?

I would say I hate this world as much as any other, but I keep thinking about this snippet of a quote. “Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear.” Sophia, this explains why I’m never happy. The Unfinished Archive…

Wed and Thur, I found it first and foremost. And today” This world, this universe…

Sophia, on such a solemn occasion, naturally, M Anime and I were getting off. “Puta…”

No, I’m not calling you that. And the future potential mother of Braxton and Virgil’s stepsiblings would not appreciate me saying that word out loud. But there is so much reading to do—every dollar in my ‘Empty’ bank account. The Day Job schedule has me working almost day and night. And how many cans of Bloom will I need to buy? And more books, Sophia. This is why I’m so exhausted today. Living in the past, in “The Land Of Make Believe,” a porno set, etc. New York, New York! Braxton Three Earths Virgil

2049 Days Without B III, Day 1490 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

I can’t even talk about E-Day. Was it BETTER than most? Well, I didn’t spend all day ‘talking’. I have another reason to hate the day, though. But that’s my girl’s business. And what’s mine? Being a better boyfriend, father, etc. B Better, Me, Virgil

Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Legacy 069 -B Better, Me, Virgil-

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Better than yesterday? I try, you know. “Do… or do not. There is no try.”

See, it’s this right here. The fact that I will still quote Star Wars at forty-two. Forty-two, my love. My first, second day of being this old, this way. And on my sister’s birthday too.

Something I shouldn’t forget, or rather, someone. As I forgot about myself long ago, hmm.

“Long ago, long ago, long ago.” I can remember snippets of the song/poem of Antoninus from the movie Spartacus as much as the words of Master Yoda. And there’s Braxton.

There is always my Braxton. And Virgil too, of course. But I’ve been thinking about something I read yesterday. Well, rather Sunday, because E-Day… We will get to that, love.

It was “Happiness is the experience of mind when there is no presence of fear.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I better be happy. And you want to know the last time I was happy? You might hate me, my goddess. I think about those words: “God has not given us the spirit of fear…”

Jesus or Jeezu, better Braxton, because he was my little god. I call you “My Goddess.” I still remember arguing with you because you thought I was saying you weren’t “Human.” You do know how I feel about humanity. Humans are assholes, accidents, abbreviations for things like life, love, or so I feel lately. “I said maybe you’re gonna be the one who saves me? And after all. You’re my Wonderwall.” You, Braxton, 2-V, family.

You’re better. To the “Man in the Mirror.” “You’re a god. And I am not.”

And when you M and everyone, my furry little ones Braxton and Virgil, their two-legged siblings that I tell every day, “Good Luck, Have FUN, Don’t Die.” Be good, and if you can’t be good, don’t get caught.” Mi familia… Hell! I’m trying to learn Spanish for you and our growing family. The one single thing today at 5:13 AM that shows me being, um

Better. Better at finishing my damn thought. When was the last time I felt happiness?

Honestly, it was being asleep and knowing that Braxton was/is watching over me. NO FEAR! Not like yesterday. I’ve wasted forty-two years of existence with the knowledge but without the know-how to be a better man. How to Git Gud. Better. B Better, Me, Virgil

“You make me want to be a better man”
As Good as It Gets (1997)

2046 Days Without B III, Day 1487 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will