Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Last week I said I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19) anymore, and I’m not alone in that. Besides all the fears that come with being a black man in this country. I have to find the courage to even get out of bed. “Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage”

Monday, June 1, 2020

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Hundred And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… yep along with saying I’m hopeful. I’m sorry to say Madam Justice; all I have is the fear. Oh, and the lusts, I can’t forget about that. As the song goes, it takes two, but what do you get when you add terror and horniness? Isaku, Dark Shell, The Harvest Night? I would advise you not to look those up. So why even say their names, you ask me? Allow me this small luxury, it’s taking everything not to look at them myself, amongst other things. Tip of the iceberg I tell you but back to business.

I tell you every now and again, I am not a man of faith. At this moment, however, as the song goes. Please allow me to improvise, I’m a man of God with no need for saving. Hell, that’s the very first thing, especially with the current news, to live as I will, no allowance. From a concept to a prayer. For this week, I pray for courage not only for myself but for my son. He has faith I will return. You can even call it, hope when I tell him so. Through I shared fear sadly of the world beyond these walls, we combine our strength to survive. Madam Justice, I fear this entire week though, so wherein lies my hope. Dare I dream of my Six Impossible Things? Lies aren’t they, each and every week. I don’t hope I have good days. No, I fear that day when I’ll get myself fired.

So again, I’m looking for courage. Fear Plus Hope, but how about Purpose And Why. Here’s another song for you, Joy And Pain, as my aunt taught me? Here and now Madam Justice I am afraid, but I’m telling myself I will be better. Like at the Day Job last week, how I got birds slamming into the door now. How about the fact that my “father” is coming over? Fear can serve as great motivation, but it’s running with no destination, and your legs give, and you end up like me. Yeah, lying in bed, hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow. What do I hope for, though, and that’s pretty damn easy to answer ahem WOMEN.

My purpose, but why? When can I tell the world that, to be that brave? Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 303 ~In Lust Will Trust~

Just waking up or heading to bed, a late night shower, or before having to deal with people in the plague era. I tell myself it could always be worse, and I don’t have to ask the question, “Am I A Psycho,” great song by the way. “In Lust Will Trust.”

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Log 303 ~In Lust Will Trust~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Well, that’s because I don’t drink, though if I were a chick… Yes, I know Inspector Echo, that’s disrespectful to women. One more addiction I have, right? Well, I don’t smoke, I’ve never done HARD drugs. Unlike people in this day and age, I’ve never been addicted to social life. Hell several books written, none published. My blog will have been around three years in a few months. My poetry phase about The Winx Club when I was on LSD. I wish I could say I was only addicted to writing.

Trigging Factor: Blog 503 Error

  1. Cherry’s Glossy Lips
  2. Boob Search
  3. Katee Owen
  4. Holly Bryn
  5. Elizabeth Hurley
  6. Alyssa Milano
  7. Holly Marie Combs (Breaking Point)

Again I’m not a drinker. I figured alcoholics would drink anything for their buzz. As for me, you see, I’m always one for the “Top Shelf” HELLO. Not funny, but I do have a problem. With all this time off, I could start back with Brainbuddy, but like the WWE Network, I wouldn’t be watching it. Of course, I’ve started seeing ads again for Covenant Eyes, but “THEY” also think I’m a Republican and a Trump Supporter. Now let me say some things about Trump and watch me get into trouble. No Inspector Echo I go no further than the second circle. You know how Bruce Banner said That’s my secret, Cap. I’m always angry.

That’s my secret, Inspector. I’m always horny. Only yesterday, I was trying to convince myself that’s what love is… I’m not wrong. There’s no question.

Love is wild, insatiable, insane, at times, immoral. Don’t believe me, let something harm My Dæmon, and see that I won’t burn this world to ash to protect him. Anger, though, I can let go. We’re still amidst the plague, which is keeping me away from people for the most part. Lust though is everywhere, and I’ve told you before I can’t be the typical guy. One of those, see a naked girl, nut, and go to bed. I didn’t know who Katee Owen and Holly Bryn were until last night. If anything, that’s why I want to make LUST my profession because I practice, it’s not a phase, and I write plenty of prose.

Is it destroying me, though? I’m better than this, sorry, but In Lust Will Trust.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

High to me is not falling out of bed, tripping over the walls of the tub, and remembering to put something in my stomach at some point and down, whether it be time, money, or depression SIGH. Up High, Down Will

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Log 226 ~Up High, Down Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be depressed? It sounds like another excuse and how can I even hear it with my ear and all. From last week to this one, it’s like alarms are ringing all over. Still, I sit here, refusing to answer the call. I even have Cherry giving her best impression of Lady Mormont. I’m not getting up for anything, well a pair of black stockings, but today isn’t Thursday. It’s not Wednesday for that matter (Sunday Night). I’m still speeding through time, so no wonder I’m so exhausted.

I wish that’s all it was, and also that yesterday never happened. A slippery slope Inspector Echo and I’ll be right back to “The Day.” Anyway, the theme of yesterday was humiliation. I had to call my “father” about insurance and my humming situation. If that’s not bad enough, he doesn’t care enough to text back. It’s one thing to go begging and be told no but silence? It’s a good strategy, which is why I employ it all the time. You can ask Cherry about that. Insecure, Discombobulated, and repeating past mistakes. Is there anything I can speak to that won’t make me sound like, well I don’t want to put that in the universe. The word I’m looking for is LAZY right, because how long have I been away from The Day Job. At this rate, how will I ever manage another NaNoWriMo?

It’s like I’m drowning in FEAR, and my bed is a life raft. What am I going to do tomorrow? Go back, crawling to my father? Now didn’t I talk some about him and his ANGER? I have plenty to myself you know that much Inspector Echo. Now I’m trying not to be something, something explicit. Only LUST is pretty much the only thing keeping me anywhere near rational for a few hours, at least. It’s my high, that and the ceiling fan. How about some retail therapy? I wanted to buy My Dæmon, DogTV today, and doesn’t he deserve it, I ask. Everything that I desire Inspector Echo and what am I doing to reach it at all. My kid stands taller than me, begging me to get out of bed and go outside.

I’m sorry it’s like I’m the living dead, and Lust is my hunger. Trying to climb, Up High, Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 131 ~I Will For Lust~

Between the time I wrote this and this evening, what a day is all I can say, but why should I worry as the song goes, no I should be working, and I did today, but well there is no but or let’s say other parts of the anatomy. “I Will For Lust.”

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Log 131 ~I Will For Lust~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I say that every day, but I’m not on drugs. Don’t do drugs kids, but if I’m done somewhat quoting movies let’s talk about today. No offense to those that have survived rehab, but I have that feeling right now. The impression that I want to get clean and what I did was the last time. Okay, so I’m a junkie that had his fix last night. Damn “No Nut November” (LANGUAGE), but as the song goes, “She drives me crazy, and I can’t help myself.”

Every girl I know would freak out because they would think I’m talking about them. Let me make this plain; love should be an obsession. I told my mother once that I didn’t believe in unconditional love. She read me the “riot act.” Uh oh, am I revealing my age, Ok Boomer. Am I done with history and current events? For the record, I’m a Millenial. Anyway, I guess I couldn’t take it, you know, putting five thousand words down and I was still going. One more “peek” before the end of the night, and I was looking up everything; I’ll give you a list. The thing is I keep going back and forth between thinking I have a problem and being myself. Hell, you need only read my novels, someone always owns a brothel, cathouse, whorehouse, the ideas Lu.

The Sirens:

  1. Brooke Logan
  2. Miki Hirayama
  3. Naomi Sakamoto
  4. MILF Dos
  5. Misha Cross
  6. Faith Seed

If anything, I need to treat them like the kind that I need to get away from, don’t I Lady Lu. Well, that makes sense like the “Anatomy Of Frickin’ Laser Beams.” Thank you, Austin Powers, and also the name of what, my ninth chapter. I’ve lost several “good” ideas from the shower, getting to here. I still owe myself five thousand words today. I’m so late, and I want something good for lunch. I even checked my account today, my math, when it comes to money? Yeah, I always thought I was better when it counted. The only thing I’m counting is going for one week and not caving. The “Wrist” Of Playing Chronos, still doesn’t have any sex, sense, or sanity. Chrono Crusade, Chrono Cross, so I will stick to “Chrono” Lady Lu.

The “Wrist” Of Playing Chrono, but I Will For Lust.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 332 ~Which Red Witch Will~

If I didn’t say it today, three months but I believe I can have the money by June 30th, hell I still remember when I was banking on PCH to come here, and they did, and another person won. Which Red Witch Will, I have choices a thousand, shout praises

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Episode 332 ~Which Red Witch Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Millionaire right now. I’m going to have it all on June 30th. Now before you ask me where I pulled that number from (out of my butt)? No, let’s thank PCH always. Only I haven’t played it anywhere near how I once did. The Grand Prize will get me to Nevada and if not that, well? If I Had A Million Dollars as always.

So what’s the red witch, it was making myself feel bad in the shower; no not like that. We’ll get to it no doubt, but you know how my mind works. So I have to think about the worst thing I’ve done. Look at the Episode number. Remember why I started this blog once again. I wouldn’t allow myself to fall into anger Inspector Echo. Still, it remains, and the target is usually myself. That’s why I began repeating in my head, “June 30th.” The Universe will make a way; I could feel it more today. You know how I am at work usually, but I didn’t get tired. Brainbuddy is working, or it could be the Placebo Effect. Though I wanted to be sick to leave school, I tell myself I’m fine at work.

I’m fine, I’m great, but it’s hard. I can’t stress this enough; it’s so fucking hard (Language). I wish my neck were as powerful with this head not looking down. I have no directness of purpose besides the one million dollars. Can I blush, now that’s the question? What do I have to be embarrassed about Inspector? Chasing hoes (again Will) don’t get you paid. Spend no dough on the booty. My life goal does not change. I’ve proven that the more you have, the more you worry. There was a time I only had $300.00 to my name. I was going to spend that on some brunette or blonde. Hell, I’m surprised you know who didn’t kill my love of brunettes; driving me crazy.

So what’s with redheads and me. Besides the fact that I finished watching Lolita (1997) at Cherry’s behest. One of the few times I’ll admit I cared more for the movie than the book. That’s a great sin. Now she wants me to watch Pretty Baby (1978). Well, I did get her to read Sick Fux by Tillie Cole. Greater sins always await. Sorry but still Which Red Witch Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 325 ~Will You Come Early~

Three months to go again last year I gave myself the time to make a million dollars and how was I going to do that, write a book, hell I have several but also 99 Problems, and that’s not an excuse but where did the time go? “Will You Come Early”

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Episode 325 ~Will You Come Early~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Millionaire right now. So my worst sin of today is that I didn’t do it much sooner. Indeed I have long held the belief that if you’re on time, you’re late. Just if you’re early, you’re on time. Then I got my Day Job and how that panned out.

Now it’s not Thursday yet so I WILL behave myself, but I want to explode right now. I’ve never drunk a whole lot. Cigarettes are STUPID, and I was never an addict to any particular drug. Only when it comes to PMO (Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm), I’m still on NO FAP. Still holding back and I’m even pissed at myself some. Because I thought today would be the day. I’m not reading an Erotica title, and most of the porn around I control but Twitter sigh. There’s also the fact since I didn’t have anywhere to be today, guess where I am. I can still make the bed but other than B III I haven’t left my room to go anywhere.

Speaking of waking up early, three months Inspector Echo. As always, it’s to the point that I don’t text that pretty redhead anymore. Doesn’t that show I don’t have faith that I’ll make it to Nevada. I’ll have to text her sooner or later, but I want to with better news. Also in that what about MILF Dos? Too afraid to ask her for what I desire anymore. Hell, I shouldn’t though I still believe, there is more than enough to go around, my money affirmations. If it’s not her, it’s one of several girls, but I’ve never paid for a porn star. Ahem Mia Rose but I got my money back, and that was her and Amazon’s fault anyway.

The last thing I bought from Amazon were books. Self-help and something about money. Along with that crappy WWBM title I’m sorry to say. Which brings me back to today and what I should be reading. Instead, for the most part, I’m either sleeping or yearning for The Queen of The North, Sansa Stark, Sophie Turner. You know MILF Dos reminded me of her. I wish I had gotten into Game Of Thrones sooner, but you know I watched Sophie and Maisie in; you don’t want to know ha. Forgive me, Inspector Echo for being late and still asking the question, Will You Come Early.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 318 ~What The S Will~

Indiana Gone says often enough, “Get Your S*IT Together” well not to me, but when it comes to what I write and read, well last week, I talked about being sick but not that kind of illness and considering Alabama, hell I’m delightful. What The S Will.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Episode 318 ~What The S Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but as we have seen, money doesn’t make us all decent. As much as I would love to be Captain America, Miguel or Robby from Cobra Kai. Or even one of these people hating on Daenerys. I don’t deny my sins.

Captain America never had power, so when he gained it, he knew well enough about people without it. He used it to fight their oppressors. You know I consider money a form of energy and what’s the first thing I’ll be doing with it? My “September Fantasy.” As always Inspector Echo I’m not looking to be the hero. Am I still complaining about the fact that the rich, expect the poor to help the homeless? I don’t clothe the naked, okay collars, leashes, lingerie. My charity is held for those of B III’s persuasion and girls that take their clothes off for me. Now I need only be a man of my word. Still, I have until September, or this month if I can convince MILF Dos. Today I remain silent, silly, or scared so I ask What The Hell?

Yes, that’s what I said when I went to read this particular story and found it deleted. Now I don’t blame the blog owner one little bit. Inspector you know how reading the most horrific stories about young women gets me off. I read Erotica all the time, but it’s the true ones like all that went down with Angie Varona. Quite light compared to poor Amanda Todd and then the Cosplayer’s well damn. I don’t go looking for the broken, except in fiction. But lo and behold I find this “fictional” account about how young starlets get their gigs. Chloë Grace Moretz sigh, two writers spin this tale about her, and it creeped plenty of people out but me? Again being polite; I replaced Hell with “What The Fuck?”

My language right but it burns me up, along with the money in my pocket, positive vibes. Only, they’re not stopping me from sleeping, and that is something I can’t afford. Not if I expect to keep two young ladies screaming. A world in silence reading, or making it at all in a salacious industry. It all comes back to books, brothels, busty starlets. Now I’m speeding along, wanting to keep a promise. I’m sorry I even made it but somehow, What The S Will.

“If Women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” Aristotle Onassis

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 311 ~Will Is So Hot~

How sick am I, not that kind of illness, haven’t had the flu in years, so how can I explain how lazy I’m being; happy thoughts, I’m grateful for getting back into reading, for beauty, and The Purge franchise. “Will Is So Hot”

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Episode 311 ~Will Is So Hot~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Millionaire right now, with the A/C blasting, buried beneath my covers, while blasting Star Wars videos. So yeah I’m Jabba the Hutt still trying to play as though I’m Dennis Hof. Hell, I want to be even better than he was. Another sin would be that of comparison. Can I at least acknowledge the fact that I’m not a good man? Still, I have kept the essential part in my pants; did I say that out loud Inspector Echo?

Wouldn’t it be my head, my heart, or my hands? As is the case that my mind is all over the place these days. Now my little head, well we’ll get to that. As far as my heart, I love B III and money, my hands… sigh. Between Eileen Kelly, Sesskasays, Cherry, Ruby Rae, The Five by Lily White, etc. speaking of my pants. I’ve been a begging S.O.B. lately. There’s Cherry and Milf Dos, and I would call myself selfish only thinking about me. Hell, I saw Milf Dos had a charity thing that’s gotten funded. While all I can think about is being too chicken to get her clothes off. Fear though continues to be my greatest sin. Be it singing at work, not saying what’s on my mind, all the secrets I keep; done in the dark.

Which is precisely where my fantasies are going only should I blame Lily. My libido, what gods of lust exist. Now I know you’re not Dirty Diana, but you want to hear a fantasy that’s sending me to Hell? Of course, I told you about Alice Little and Ruby Rae, The Purge. The last time I checked Ruby was nowhere near this level, ropes, blinding hoods. Adding The Purge movies themselves, now Alice hmm? So I would like to play a game, yes I’m mixing in the Saw movies, have both women, but only one walks out. FANTASY, can I stress that enough? Between The Five, The Purge, and “The Corpse of Anna Fritz” is nothing original anymore. Yes, I’ve said I want to have my Pure Taboo studio eventually., Only my fantasy come September?

Yeah, Indiana Gone is right I have to publish a book. Stop dreaming about giving my money away right? I do ask your forgiveness Inspector Echo, and there is always enough money burning in my pocket. Will Is So Hot.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

Too many sad friends to give into my misery, and trying to start this new week out of bed if I’m lucky but waiting to go to work and then after, my dose of the rage virus it seems, Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

Fifty-First Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, I wish those ideas came as fast as things I’m mad at or how quickly I get hard, though I didn’t wake up with Morning Wood, no I woke up angry that every other part of me had to get up. I read somewhere that couples shouldn’t go to bed angry, and most nights I’m not sure how I feel, though I usually tell myself stories, I go over games in my head, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time maybe Detroit: Become Human.

Back when I had a full-time school schedule, though I remember a pretty girl here, or there it is the rage I embraced the most, and now, hell I can be angry that I don’t have time for gaming, the money for it, that I don’t have a pretty girl like North, Kara, or Chloe. I’m mad that already I feel sick and what did I do wrong, I woke up right when I wanted to, ate breakfast, I’m even talking to you this morning so why should I be in pain. How about the fact that I can’t have hope, no I’m afraid which only means I need more anger to fuel me because when I get to the day job, what happens then?

Wouldn’t indifference be worse, I either want your head on a stick or your head on a… yeah it’s easier to talk about hate as always, people more often than not prefer my misery and they want it with me smiling. Me and my dumbass smile, THIS I CANNOT DO (anymore) I mean, so either I’m a pervert, a psycho, but never a person and strangely enough that makes me mad because do I honestly want to be like any person I know nowadays. Everyone I like is suffering, the man I am, I still hate, which goes perfectly with hating the majority of human beings so yes indeed I enjoy looking at beautiful things.

The Beautiful People, maybe that’s why I want anger because I want to feel something other than anything to be ashamed of right; being mad makes me damn well normal but pictures of bodies one way or another gets you kicked off Pinterest but not today. For now, I’m angry that this day isn’t going as planned but I am in more control dear Madam Justice, surprisingly this rage and Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

I always feel like, somebody’s watching me as the song goes and I wonder what they’re doing because I doubt it’s anything sexy and even if they loved me, would they admit to something like this? Do You Lust me?

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to be a sex symbol other than the entire world going blind; how I’ve found myself in the mirror plenty for a couple of days and Saturday all I can see is fear, and it’s cuter than me, dammit. When I was a teenager there was this girl that sat with me at lunch, we rarely talked, and I can’t say I was attracted to her in the slightest, but my ‘father” asks how did I know how she sees me and yeah I don’t know honestly.

I’ve known maybe one girl in two years possibly who openly told me that she wanted to fuck me and you want to know how does it feel for me to hear that, honestly they should bottle such an emotion. On the other hand, I honestly need to know when to shut the fuck up, playing games with another girl, and I got her and her giggly friend to look me up on Facebook, and that’s all she wrote there. Let’s call her Zibby to my Jesse, the same girl that got me going but no I haven’t told her off yet Dirty Diana, that’s one fear I haven’t had to face as of yet, and the thing is what if I’m still 100% clueless?

Lost Without U, I’ve said some stupid things to girls to be quite honest, and we still remember the bitch who I haven’t looked up at all this year; I’ve never tracked people down, or hidden in dumpsters. Okay this is more of a conversation for Inspector Echo, and I’ve probably already had it, and with you too, the desire to have some girl go all “Taylor Townsend” on my ass, You Don’t Know My Name, I’d even take Amber from “Kill Theory.” A dominant I am but to have the girl chase the monster and then when she finally finds me, we’ll see how badly she wants to play, but that Dirty Diana is a dream, however with my book… who knows, could happen.

One woman looked me up on Whisper and as soon as she saw my face; it’s hard to have body issues when people never get past the mask, and yeah women have some problems with men but if some woman came after me? Not in a psychotic, I want to kill you sort of way, more like U Got It Bad, how North looks at Markus (thank you Detroit: Become Human) way *sigh* asking the obvious, Do You Lust Me.

I Will Have No Fear