Tag: Denial

Saga 273 ~Those B Notes Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

This is the song that doesn’t end. When I am talking bout my friend. That’s why I didn’t sing to V. Or tell my boss to eff off. How about telling the truth? Kindle says I finished the story. Oh, WrestleMania. I should be reading Those B Notes, Virgil

Friday, March 31, 2023

Saga 273 ~Those B Notes Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. If I had a dollar for every time I listened to the Succubus Lord series, hmm?

Hell! I’ve listened to all 19 books, and I’m just breaking over four times… Republican? Sophia, like them, I pull facts, figures, and fuckery out of my ass. Things Braxton knows. Why? Because I would talk to him each and every day. I still do. But what does that mean for Virgil? That’s what I was thinking about. Today as I got his name right. Inevitable. Sophia, I’m surprised I even remembered his name with my reading habits. Today wasn’t a good day for that. And yes, you can tell I’m trying to avoid the subject of 2V if I’m being honest. It feels wrong somehow. But I did try talking to him while walking in. Humiliations Galore I’ll tell you about and never read.

Again and never. Let’s start with the Day Job. First, there was the lady with all the boxes in her car. There was the one that I couldn’t help finding curtains for. Remember the utter silence when I had to load the truck this afternoon? Black history, I AM A MAN. Anxiety—a vet appointment. There’s also computer literacy. And these vitamins aren’t working, Sophia. All the things I need to read. And that includes “A Black Women’s History of the United States.” I “finished” reading it yesterday, but you know… Not the Notes, Index, Photos, and Copyright. I’m an effing liar, Sophia. Or it feels that way. You know, editing and the like (sigh). And if only Braxton were here right now for me.

He couldn’t speak the words, share in my sins… well, ask his Aunt Carolina about our love of boobs. Braxton couldn’t sign. But every day. I did take note that he loved me… loves me. Not one word. But what do they say about actions, ha? Right, because I’m wrong. I was standing in the kitchen as Virgil waited for me, and I didn’t burst out into singing as I might have for Braxton on occasion. I continue to call for him and his medicine. Yesterday or the day before, there was an email about him needing his shots Sophia. Today though, I was making notes that I want a life without people in it. Or myself. Note effing shut up. Those B Notes Virgil

789 Days Without B III, Day 230 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I think I should write all I need to do for the day sometimes. Don’t I do that on Sundays? But change the air filter, fix the fence, and find the funds for meds. Then there’s the freeloader, um, Virgil. Teaching him and me. To B Instructional Virgil.

Friday, March 24, 2023

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike most nowadays, I can’t say I started with such and such amount of money.

Don’t get me wrong. I know Lady Sophia. Plenty of people pull themselves up by their bootstraps. as THEY say. You know I want to be all, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Hell! All day yesterday as I wandered the Day Job, ha. Welcome to your manhood. Nobody teaches you to be a man. Or should I say a good one? The stuff I do, Lady Sophia. Is it sad that Braxton, to this day, is my most tremendous success? Greatest Grammarly… And, of course, how did B III end?

“Pain in my heart but I put it in the grave
Pain in my soul but I put it in the grave
Nowhere else to put it, that’s the way that I was raised –”

Well, you can see what I’ve been reading lately. Stormzy’s Interlude. Do I need to remember Thursday, March 23, 2023, as the date I started listening to Spotify again? How about finding a pet psychic?

What? To read to me about my boy? Hell! I have two books about my son that I won’t even read. No, because I “want” to go to the Day Job instead. And then I’ll return here and read about all the Humiliations Galore I suffered all day. Next week is going to be bad. How to be a horrible human being. I have a plethora of books about that. But I can come up with some “original” ideas. But my Republican tendencies. Then again, I could try, you know. Like last night. I was thinking about how to beat my illness without hospital intervention. This led to me looking up naughty nurses and wanting to eff a particular girl in a hospital gown. Who?

I’m no doctor, do-gooder, or even a dog trainer. V would agree wholeheartedly. I’m sure. No, Lady Sophia. I’m an effing “deviant.” Or, at best, a DOM. Even worse, disgusting. Only I’m not trying to heal anybody, teach, and what about love? Braxton taught that. Yet, like all those dead fur baby books, I’m not reading anymore. Sophia, this week’s title… A Black Women’s History of the United States. Finishing it next week, I hope. That’s the only way I’ll read. I complete another Kindle Challenge, and for what, my Lady? I’m reading paychecks and bills, showing my idiocy. Instructions on how to die, Sophia. The clock tells me what to do, and I wonder why I fail. Myself, Braxton, Virgil. To B Instructional Virgil

782 Days Without B III, Day 223 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Busy living or dying? I exist. And it’s getting harder to breathe. Not that bothered B III. But I won’t ever write that what I did was right. Not when I’m writing about everything wrong with me. Going on with V. “Write Way, Braxton, Virgil”

Friday, March 17, 2023

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t have any health issues. But you know I’m an effing liar… sometimes. Often?

The biggest lie I ever told? As I was telling Braxton the Wednesday when he was trying to get my attention. The Friday as I put him in the car to go to the vet. There was the Saturday night I lay beside him. And Sunday, January 31, 2021, as I carried him back to the vet… Like the song goes AHEM, “We gon’ be alright.” And here we are, 775 days later. Well, one of us. Today is one of those days I want to be with my son. Well, that’s every day, to be sure. Only today, even more so. I heard something interesting this morning. You know that word unalive? “THEY” use it to keep their content. The almighty dollar, as always.

Since I can’t use the effing S-Word because I don’t need the cops showing up at the door… um again. I’ll only say I want to be with my son. The freeloader… Virgil Vivi’s here. Sophia, it’s the only reason I’m not buck-naked lying here with some chicken noodles. Hell! All of the times I almost died before I met Braxton. Relax, Lady Sophia, you can say I’m quoting a movie. How about a book? Remember I said I’m an effing liar, I believe. According to the Kindle Challenge and now Goodreads, I read “How to Be an Antiracist.” Everything but the Notes and About the Author sections. And what about watching The 1619 Project. I need my eyes for that, don’t I? SIGH trying.

But today, let’s start with the basics. The Cherry Collision once The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident is kicking my ass. How the Hell did I survive the Day Job. Eff Me! On that subject, it’s why I’m late talking to you, Sophia. I was writing Cherry and reading M Anime. At least for a few minutes, I didn’t feel like joining B. Women and fur babies. But then we get to my eyes which have been itching and burning. Effing maddening. When I returned, I immediately popped a painkiller and shared some fries with Virgil. Would Braxton be proud of me? It shows I’m trying to keep existing. Talking to you, looking up drugs. Knowing my son is dead, but today. Write Way, Braxton, Virgil

775 Days Without B III, Day 216 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

WillLeave a comment

If I end up burning in Hell… more than likely, “All These Things That I’ve Done.” I wouldn’t destroy one word of my son’s story. Then again, women, family, the Day Job, and other assorted crimes. Not killing B III. “Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…”

Friday, March 10, 2023

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I wanted to start today off with another lie? I don’t have time. There’s Virgil…

Please! That is the only reason I’m sitting here on the loveseat instead of in a “comfy” bed. It’s because of V. I couldn’t stand him lying on my leg. For some reason, it was annoying ok. Do I feel like being a meanie today? One more morning, I didn’t wake up in Hell. Or did I? What is this place? I’m so damn tired, and that was after an energy drink. I did pass out for five minutes before I took it, though. And if it wasn’t because of reading bottles… Sophia, I’m still reading How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. I swear! One more thing making me want to burn this Mother Effer to the ground. This is America. Right?

I haven’t been brushing up on any song lyrics. But I’m still pissed. I said sometime last week that the first song I played on Spotify this year was Butterfly. Me and my wayward dick. In case you’re ever wondering where I am when I should be talking, Lady Sophia. To you, to Braxton, to the other girls. The Man in the Mirror. Ain’t like he ever listens to me. Again that’s with being pumped full of energy drinks. I was up at 4:00. Billionaire? Burning daylight looking up Lucy Tyler, Kiara Gold, and Amilia Onyx, to name a few. Sophia, I could burn every Playboy and Penthouse in the world… can’t stop the signal. And so I’m here. 10:00 in the morning. Time wasted!

But that doesn’t mean we should go around burning books. What about B III’s novels? Did you think I was going to forget about him today? What about Braxton’s auntie? Sophia, does she mourn her fur baby as I mourn mine every day? All the tears in the world couldn’t douse the fire I have for writing. Oh no, that would be The Cherry Collision. Yes, it looks like I will continue to suffer from that. Yep, with all these money issues. Something else I was doing this morning. I looked at all the cash burning. Such is failure. It might also explain why I won’t publish Braxton’s works. Burning. Someday I might end up burning them. Black writer, Republican tendencies… B’s Burning Books, Virgil’s

768 Days Without B III, Day 209 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve dropped a book a few times in the tub. A girl snatched one of my books and threw it at some guy. Bloody pages. And I’m sweating bullets in public. Reading is my place of peace… or so it is/was with Braxton. And Virgil? Virgil’s Bookish, B III

Friday, March 3, 2023

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t plan on becoming transphobic like J. K. Rowling. Or ripping people off somehow.

Please. For that kind of money… or less, I’d throw whatever morals I have out the window. I haven’t been doing a lot of reading. But I’ve watched every episode of “The Last of Us.” I’ve said I would burn the world to the fucking ground to save my Braxton. Hell! He’s not asking for that. And he wouldn’t even ask for me to be happy. My son knows me. If anything, B wants me to have peace. And when did that ever happen, hmm? Reading on the loveseat in the den. After a hard day of guarding the house and protecting me while I napped. He would curl up with me as I read. Did I need a reason to cry today with everything?

The Ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery. And is said to be frozen with the tears of the greatest betrayer, Lucifer. I’ll know sooner or later. At least, I hope so. Lady Sophia, I’d like to be correct for once. Besides my tears, I’ve been spitting nonsense at Cherry. Me looking and then; being STUPID! Next to Braxton dying, to be stupid is the worst. Then dad… the Day Job. Sweating up a storm at those things. But the Day Job for most of this week. Only better sweat than blood. My blood has been boiling with rage at that place, Sophia. The stress, sins, and sickness. All coming from trying to exist in this place, Sophia. One more reason to read. Knowledge and power?

I can’t say I’ve found much solace in “How to Be an Antiracist.” Was I looking for that, Sophia? And “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Beginning” is an excuse for me to be lazy. All so I can have my one-book-a-week streak. Or should I say, as the song goes, “I be strokin’.” I know, reading the energy bottle, I should be up until at least 2 this afternoon. So what should I be reading until then? Yep, stress, sin, and sickness. But here’s the thing, My Lady. It wouldn’t matter what I was reading. Braxton and the freeloader… Virgil. They want to be a part of it. I’m a better “person” while reading. You can’t get books wet. Buying a Kindle… Virgil’s Bookish, B III.

761 Days Without B III, Day 202 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m a writer. That’s starting to become a lie. Now “I’m a Slave 4 U.” It’s not like Britney wrote that. And it takes much worse to turn me on. And why do I need that? I should be writing since Virgil got in trouble last night. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

Friday, February 24, 2023

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not for writing. Not today. But as they say, brevity is the soul of wit.

I’ve gotten more mileage from the words “Braxton is dead” than anything else. To exploit my boy like that? Never. And I’m not trying to start something. I’m not Sophia. Only if you’re wondering where I’ve been. I wish I could say it was all cute dogs and such. Hell! I need them considering my day often starts off in tears. But reasons may vary. Dog memes, voiceovers, and I wish I could say books. I am rather enjoying “NSFW: A Novel.” Of course, you know why that is… Virgil is making that easier. Punishment. Today or rather last night, is the first time I had to place him in time-out. Peed on the floor. Anyway, I was able to read in peace. Not really.

And that’s because I’ll always miss Braxton. But as the book implies. NSFW, Lady Sophia. I still get off on horror stories concerning women. Why did I join Court’s Patreon? Yesterday I read about how the boss got that girl to take all her clothes off in a “trust exercise.” And the narrator was fingered by that guy Julian. Digital Penetration? I mean the way some things get described. And again, there’s courtwithconfidence. I swear, she told her true story, and all I wanted was to see her naked. How much was that, hmm? Oh, and what? I want to spend money on Johnny Sins videos. Him talking about sleeping with a former teacher of his. Wow! So few words, and I’m here banging away.

On the keyboard and not the bed. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident of January 11, 2022. The Cherry Collision on February 16, 2023? I thought about going to the doctor. Please. I woke up too late, which means… well, not a damn thing. But I don’t want to go. I have way too much writing to do anyway. The question remains, what gets done today. I have to text my old man about what the termite guy said. After my humiliating showing at my granddaddy’s funeral. I’m thirty-eight, Lady Sophia. Sad writing it again. There’s working on the cash—three groups of three hundred, then a hundred for me. A grocery list, promises I won’t keep, you, the other girls, Braxton. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

754 Days Without B III, Day 195 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 231 ~B, The Story, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Last week, I was writing about the need to go shopping. But, Ah shit, here we go again. I did finish reading a bit. One thing off the to-do list. How about getting to know V? If he’d been earlier. I’m too busy making myself sick. B, The Story, Virgil

Friday, February 17, 2023

Saga 231 ~B, The Story, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I wouldn’t invest in FOX News, OAN, NEWSMAX, etc. No, I believe in the truth.

I would say I write the truth. For example, what I live with every day. My son B is dead. Try waking up to that. I don’t remember the last day I wanted to wake up to. I was on time today for the most part, but I had a reason. Oh, Lady Sophia, I fucked up. But we’ll get to that in a bit. And do you know why? I’m trying to hold off being a meanie. His name is Virgil. In a minute, I’m going to sound like one of those men from Fight Club, ha-ha. His name is Virgil Vivi, you know. Begins chanting, “his name is Robert Paulson.” Virgil’s here; God, don’t have me writing again… He’s not eating or drinking.

V is very much alive. And he wants to stay here with me. So you know what that means. No edging or masturbation. Hell! Why couldn’t Virgil get here sooner? I got to ask Sophia. I always talk about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident of January 11, 2022. How about The Cherry Collision on February 16, 2023? I can’t say that anything is wrong yet. Lady Sophia, I could hardly walk when the Incident occurred. But the Collision ain’t right. Next thing you know, I’ll be reading another doctor’s bill and the medication… $100 ha. Trying to make myself the story instead of Virgil. I keep wanting to say something. Freeloader, Fiend, Fido? My Braxton is my guardian, my goodness, dammit, the word of God.

My Fighter, my friend, and always and forever. I have books that say that, but no. What am I doing? As I’ve said, I don’t have cash for anything. And yet, more books, more books. And what’s sad is I’m reading books I am not interested in; in a place that isn’t the loveseat in the den. With a fur baby, I keep asking… why are you here? Asshole? Probably. I’ve already mentioned Fight Club, and The Day After Tomorrow, so how about M3gan? I feel like Gemma with her niece. With me and V, I’m not his Dad. Then what am I then? Virgil Vivi and my story… I don’t know. Besides worrying, I started reading for Kindle Challenge (sigh). B, The Story, Virgil

747 Days Without B III, Day 188 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 224 ~The B-List, Virgil Wishes~

WillLeave a comment

Hmm, I didn’t have to put deodorant on the list. Dog food should be at the top. And treats. How else will Virgil learn to use the stairs? Hell! I only go down because Braxton needed me, and he climbed the Stairway to Heaven. The B-List, Virgil Wishes

Friday, February 10, 2023

Saga 224 ~The B-List, Virgil Wishes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike most of them, I don’t want to be a monster, a mistake, or a murderer. And yet, Where’s Braxton?

Millions, billions, trillions of dollars, so I can be a misanthrope. Today’s not that day. The day I long for.

Monster, am I not. Hell, I write about monsters. Well, men who own brothels and treat women a “certain” kinda way. But if I was any good at it… what’s the word published? Well then. I wouldn’t have to go shopping today. Hell! I could have it brought Lady Sophia. Instead, I’m talking to you instead of being out already. I ignored Braxton for the Day Job, remember? And now here we are. It was a Friday I found out Triple B was dying. Virgil? As I said the other day, he’s strong. If anything, he’s hungry, so to the store I go. I think. There is always delivery Sophia.

Mistake. One big fucking mistake. I said Thursday I had a dream about a funeral. I couldn’t pay for the services, and they didn’t want to perform them either. Oh, I got more “M’s” for ya. Money, mammaries, and masturbation. That’s three mistakes. Fail. Lady Sophia, I don’t have enough cash to start ordering things all Willy-nilly, you know. Did you see the paycheck this week? You know, something’s wrong when I’m checking math. Then there’s what I want to spend money on. Lady Sophia… I Love Titties. How much did I save last year? And then I spent a part of that trying to see some girl naked. Masturbation? No, that was my dream last night. I thought I’d spoiled my streak. Wet dreams…

A murderer in the sheets, which is all this bed is good for. And yes, I have washed the sheets several times since B III’s death. I didn’t want to. That’s for sure. My Braxton. How would he feel about how I’m treating Virgil? Can you believe I was about to say, “he’s not going to die?” How many times did I say that about Braxton? Where is he now? More like, where should I be? At the store, picking up food for Virgil. Or at least ordering it from someplace. I need to make a grocery list, but Triple B remains always and forever. And Virgil? I wish I knew what he wanted. At present, a full food bowl. But The B-List, Virgil Wishes

740 Days Without B III, Day 181 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 217 ~Nosey About Virgil, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say I did much showering the days after Braxton passed. Or maybe it’s all the sweating I’ve been doing trying not to… well. I could sue Degree Deodorant. Have I died alongside my boy? Is anyone nosey about this? “Nosey About Virgil, Braxton.”

Friday, February 3, 2023

Saga 217 ~Nosey About Virgil, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Okay, I need to buy a book on the subject, at the very least. Reading it…

Yeah right! My grandmommy bought me a book written by Chick-fil-A’s founder. I’m too lazy. Can’t even go upstairs and go fetch it. Braxton… well, he wouldn’t. But I miss him. Now my Granddaddy… How long am I going to talk about him, Lady Sophia? I read his obituary and found out he had “four” grandchildren. Guess I need to read up on the family. But I should have read up on deodorant. Yes, I’m still on that too. Who knows where I’ll be when we finally finish this conversation? It’s Wednesday, February 1, 2023. I shouldn’t be working so hard today. But all the times I’ve cried over Braxton. The story of Little B. Have I already forgotten the title with everything going on?

Stinking up joints and whatnot? B wouldn’t care. How many days was it? B III would cuddle next to me in my arm or by my legs. Knowing it’s my turn to protect him. Sophia, sometimes he may even show an interest in what I was reading… when appropriate. Which it hasn’t been. And considering it’s Friday, February 3, 2023. So time to finish our conversation. And, of course, I’m late, considering I worked a whopping four hours Thursday. I fell asleep at one in the morning. And what time is it now? Um, it’s 7:45. What have I been reading or, rather, watching… Hey! It’s been some words. Japanese.

  1. Miyajima Tsubaki -Saimin Seishidou
  2. Haji Shinchishin
  3. Kanojo Wa Dare To Demo Sex Suru
  4. Otogibanashi no Onigokko
  5. Muttsuri Do Sukebe Ro Gibo Shimai no Honshitsu Minuite Sex Zanmai
  6. Muramata san no himitsu
    To Be Continued…

Yes, Lady Sophia, I wanted to make a list. Virgil provides that time having “accidents” on the floor. I didn’t talk to him hardly at all yesterday until he grew the courage to check. Or did he smell the dead body that I have become? Seriously Lady Sophia, deodorant. Cherry and M Anime might appreciate it, not that I’ll be seeing them anytime soon… in a certain way. I’m as nosy as Atrioc; who got in trouble watching Deepfakes of girls on Twitch? I hope not. Everything else in this existence? I should keep my nose and smell to myself, Sophia. Nosey About Virgil, Braxton

733 Days Without B III, Day 174 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 210 ~Mediums B, V, Granddaddy~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say that writing is a “release.” Too much porn for that. It makes things bearable. There was no one to talk to about Braxton’s death. And Virgil’s life is sitting in the dark… My granddaddy’s passing? I don’t know. Mediums B, V, Granddaddy

Friday, January 27, 2023

Saga 210 ~Mediums B, V, Granddaddy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But is being a trillionaire too extreme? That’s what these days feel like. To the extreme

This coming from the “Lazy Ass” sitting in bed at six in the morning. At this time in 2021, I should have been paying attention to B. Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~ Well, I wasn’t. And even today, with so much to do, Lady Sophia. I wonder how Braxton felt while I was worried about “Shawshank.” Shows what kind of Daddy I’d become. The one that let him die. No, correction! The one who killed him. Euthanasia. Killing? Yesterday I brought up to B III the differences between Treachery and Betrayal. Braxton’s still dead. Um, that’s something I should bring up to one of these “animal communicators,” oh yeah. Before I go, get Braxton’s story tattooed on my flesh. But I know the story.

And V’s is in the process of being written. It’s not a very good one so far. I’ll admit it. Hell! Last night I left him in the Den, thinking he would go to the pillow in B III’s room. He might even decide to come to bed. This was at nine last night. So, where was Virgil this morning? I can’t even say he was the first thought I had. Being Virgil’s Dad, (scoffs). Besides missing Braxton… There was a blonde in a bikini. Sabrina Nichole’s “first sex tape” getting ready to come out. Don’t forget; there was Aphrodite from “Record of Ragnarok.” Anyway, when I got in a better headspace… Did I say that? Well, I got up. There’s Virgil on the couch.

He’s dealing with his stuff. But if he was B III… Honest, these pornographic passions? Braxton would have listened to me all last night as I talked about granddaddy. What can I say? That’s the thing bothering me. Talking about Braxton, always and forever. And I still want to learn even more about him. The spirits, seers, say something. I’m listening. I can tell you stories about Virgil. Only they won’t be good ones, Lady Sophia. Though I do imagine he might be able to sift through this existence. Somehow, someway… Granddaddy? The last time I heard from him, he said he didn’t know me. Um, that’s a ditto from me. So I sit with his death knowing nothing, Answers, release? Mediums B, V, Granddaddy

726 Days Without B III, Day 167 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will