Tag: Knowledge

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I think I should write all I need to do for the day sometimes. Don’t I do that on Sundays? But change the air filter, fix the fence, and find the funds for meds. Then there’s the freeloader, um, Virgil. Teaching him and me. To B Instructional Virgil.

Friday, March 24, 2023

Saga 266 ~To B Instructional Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But unlike most nowadays, I can’t say I started with such and such amount of money.

Don’t get me wrong. I know Lady Sophia. Plenty of people pull themselves up by their bootstraps. as THEY say. You know I want to be all, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Hell! All day yesterday as I wandered the Day Job, ha. Welcome to your manhood. Nobody teaches you to be a man. Or should I say a good one? The stuff I do, Lady Sophia. Is it sad that Braxton, to this day, is my most tremendous success? Greatest Grammarly… And, of course, how did B III end?

“Pain in my heart but I put it in the grave
Pain in my soul but I put it in the grave
Nowhere else to put it, that’s the way that I was raised –”

Well, you can see what I’ve been reading lately. Stormzy’s Interlude. Do I need to remember Thursday, March 23, 2023, as the date I started listening to Spotify again? How about finding a pet psychic?

What? To read to me about my boy? Hell! I have two books about my son that I won’t even read. No, because I “want” to go to the Day Job instead. And then I’ll return here and read about all the Humiliations Galore I suffered all day. Next week is going to be bad. How to be a horrible human being. I have a plethora of books about that. But I can come up with some “original” ideas. But my Republican tendencies. Then again, I could try, you know. Like last night. I was thinking about how to beat my illness without hospital intervention. This led to me looking up naughty nurses and wanting to eff a particular girl in a hospital gown. Who?

I’m no doctor, do-gooder, or even a dog trainer. V would agree wholeheartedly. I’m sure. No, Lady Sophia. I’m an effing “deviant.” Or, at best, a DOM. Even worse, disgusting. Only I’m not trying to heal anybody, teach, and what about love? Braxton taught that. Yet, like all those dead fur baby books, I’m not reading anymore. Sophia, this week’s title… A Black Women’s History of the United States. Finishing it next week, I hope. That’s the only way I’ll read. I complete another Kindle Challenge, and for what, my Lady? I’m reading paychecks and bills, showing my idiocy. Instructions on how to die, Sophia. The clock tells me what to do, and I wonder why I fail. Myself, Braxton, Virgil. To B Instructional Virgil

782 Days Without B III, Day 223 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts? A song that I’ve never liked but rings true. Since I’m never happy with it. I’m always hungry in one way or another for it. And effing horny. Well, except when I’m mourning my son. For 161 days. And to hurt anyone else. “To B Hurt Virgil”

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I will never be hurt again. Oh, sure, I’ll claim victimhood like a Republican.

“I believe I can see the future,” as the song goes. Do rich people have time machines? I still want my Braxton back but damn. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, I keep telling myself today. Today is Sunday, March 19, 2023. Time Travel! But today, Trump is supposed to be arrested. Is anyone hurt? And who? If anything, the pain has become my constant, my love. Hell! Am I becoming like M Anime? Before Braxton died, I can’t say I was ever at 100% at any time. It was more of a “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” Does my singing help, or does it hurt your ears? My ass is kicked thinking about my “Lost Boy.” Always Braxton.

Remember when it was only these ears hurting me? Saying “I love you,” always, forever? Braxton couldn’t speak such a thing. But he was the only man I ever listened to. Talk about “love is louder.” What’s with all the pop culture references today? Well, I did climb out of bed to talk to you instead of watching whatever and being lazy. My eyes hurt. Better than talking about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oops! I should be looking for medicine. But love, you don’t know how badly I want some. Uh, sexual healing. Or some tacos. The doctor said I should cut out the spicy. But yesterday… yeah

After I was done reading, of course. In a “Study,” not a Man Cave. Braxton’s Mausoleum? Dammit, with all our money, you know I would build one. Failing to save Braxton? Hurting that never goes away. But what about you and me? I can save us. I can fix this. I can save you… Not a day goes by that I don’t think I should have joined my B in death. But you, our children, there’s even Little Virgil upstairs waiting. I don’t know what for. Love? My love. A sadist? Yes, I am, my love. But I take no pleasure from the pains I know. Braxton has known for fifteen years. But always and forever love. I’m just a sucker for pain. One more song. To B Hurt Virgil

779 Days Without B III, Day 220 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Busy living or dying? I exist. And it’s getting harder to breathe. Not that bothered B III. But I won’t ever write that what I did was right. Not when I’m writing about everything wrong with me. Going on with V. “Write Way, Braxton, Virgil”

Friday, March 17, 2023

Saga 259 ~Write Way, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t have any health issues. But you know I’m an effing liar… sometimes. Often?

The biggest lie I ever told? As I was telling Braxton the Wednesday when he was trying to get my attention. The Friday as I put him in the car to go to the vet. There was the Saturday night I lay beside him. And Sunday, January 31, 2021, as I carried him back to the vet… Like the song goes AHEM, “We gon’ be alright.” And here we are, 775 days later. Well, one of us. Today is one of those days I want to be with my son. Well, that’s every day, to be sure. Only today, even more so. I heard something interesting this morning. You know that word unalive? “THEY” use it to keep their content. The almighty dollar, as always.

Since I can’t use the effing S-Word because I don’t need the cops showing up at the door… um again. I’ll only say I want to be with my son. The freeloader… Virgil Vivi’s here. Sophia, it’s the only reason I’m not buck-naked lying here with some chicken noodles. Hell! All of the times I almost died before I met Braxton. Relax, Lady Sophia, you can say I’m quoting a movie. How about a book? Remember I said I’m an effing liar, I believe. According to the Kindle Challenge and now Goodreads, I read “How to Be an Antiracist.” Everything but the Notes and About the Author sections. And what about watching The 1619 Project. I need my eyes for that, don’t I? SIGH trying.

But today, let’s start with the basics. The Cherry Collision once The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident is kicking my ass. How the Hell did I survive the Day Job. Eff Me! On that subject, it’s why I’m late talking to you, Sophia. I was writing Cherry and reading M Anime. At least for a few minutes, I didn’t feel like joining B. Women and fur babies. But then we get to my eyes which have been itching and burning. Effing maddening. When I returned, I immediately popped a painkiller and shared some fries with Virgil. Would Braxton be proud of me? It shows I’m trying to keep existing. Talking to you, looking up drugs. Knowing my son is dead, but today. Write Way, Braxton, Virgil

775 Days Without B III, Day 216 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve always given examples of how I know Braxton loves me. One I miss the most is him sitting at the corner of the bed, watching the door. Loving anybody else. The things I do. But I prefer the Word always to love. Always here. Virgil, B, A Word

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And for the love of money or rather why I love money, and you, B, family…

You know that song “More Than Words?” The most romantic way to ask for a blowjob. Whoa! Sorry about that. But I didn’t mention the other B-word, did I? Braxton? Sunday to Tuesday, and every other day that ends in “Y,” time travel. So we’ll always come back to him. I want to talk about “You and me – always – and forever.” What about How Long Will I Love You? And again, More Than Words? Showing you. Well, the words are still there, Baby Girl. All the I love yous and such. You know how I feel about those words. Even though I mean them with everything I am. Will they keep us together? You’re here, and that’s enough. I’m still here. Always, forever…

And so is my Braxton? You have to understand. The one that couldn’t speak a word was also the one that loved me the most. Or at least I hope he still does. Braxton’s, wherever. My Olds might have said the words, “I love you” at some point. My Ma, in particular, I believe. Only it wasn’t the words. It was the fact that they kept up my existence here. Good or bad, the reality is there weren’t only words. There was action from them. Even if I regret it now. Honestly, my love letter to the world would be to never speak, Baby Doll. Everything I said to Braxton when I should have followed him, like taking a walk. Fucking darker than I intended.

Well, today is Sunday. I don’t feel too good at the moment. I’m scared right now. If I’m being honest. And not only because it’s the series finale of The Last of Us. Children, right? Our kids need me, us for sure. And that’s not me being some asshole, Republican. Fucktards screaming about family values. There are all types of families. As long as there’s love. Even if it’s not in so many words. I want them to always know that I do love them. I love them like pancakes, as I always said about B. Really pouring the Bisquick. Yep, into the love of my life. And we made them. So I love you, them, myself, Braxton, the world. Virgil? Virgil, B, A Word

772 Days Without B III, Day 213 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

WillLeave a comment

If I end up burning in Hell… more than likely, “All These Things That I’ve Done.” I wouldn’t destroy one word of my son’s story. Then again, women, family, the Day Job, and other assorted crimes. Not killing B III. “Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…”

Friday, March 10, 2023

Saga 252 ~Burning B’s Books, Virgil’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I wanted to start today off with another lie? I don’t have time. There’s Virgil…

Please! That is the only reason I’m sitting here on the loveseat instead of in a “comfy” bed. It’s because of V. I couldn’t stand him lying on my leg. For some reason, it was annoying ok. Do I feel like being a meanie today? One more morning, I didn’t wake up in Hell. Or did I? What is this place? I’m so damn tired, and that was after an energy drink. I did pass out for five minutes before I took it, though. And if it wasn’t because of reading bottles… Sophia, I’m still reading How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi. I swear! One more thing making me want to burn this Mother Effer to the ground. This is America. Right?

I haven’t been brushing up on any song lyrics. But I’m still pissed. I said sometime last week that the first song I played on Spotify this year was Butterfly. Me and my wayward dick. In case you’re ever wondering where I am when I should be talking, Lady Sophia. To you, to Braxton, to the other girls. The Man in the Mirror. Ain’t like he ever listens to me. Again that’s with being pumped full of energy drinks. I was up at 4:00. Billionaire? Burning daylight looking up Lucy Tyler, Kiara Gold, and Amilia Onyx, to name a few. Sophia, I could burn every Playboy and Penthouse in the world… can’t stop the signal. And so I’m here. 10:00 in the morning. Time wasted!

But that doesn’t mean we should go around burning books. What about B III’s novels? Did you think I was going to forget about him today? What about Braxton’s auntie? Sophia, does she mourn her fur baby as I mourn mine every day? All the tears in the world couldn’t douse the fire I have for writing. Oh no, that would be The Cherry Collision. Yes, it looks like I will continue to suffer from that. Yep, with all these money issues. Something else I was doing this morning. I looked at all the cash burning. Such is failure. It might also explain why I won’t publish Braxton’s works. Burning. Someday I might end up burning them. Black writer, Republican tendencies… B’s Burning Books, Virgil’s

768 Days Without B III, Day 209 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

WillLeave a comment

So when did I know… love? When I told him to get in the car? Standing between me and my father, fangs ready to protect me. His guard post on the corner of the bed. And how did he know? With his aunt, he knew he loved her easily. “Virgil Loves That B”

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But my love, at the end of the day, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Still?

No! You would never be so cruel to think it. But to love is to understand. Or at least try. Right now trying to understand why the tears are falling from my eyes. Time travel? Today’s Monday, March 6, 2023. It’s day 765 without B III. You know where I am… There’s no leaving Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yet I couldn’t tell you the day I met my firstborn. There’s no telling the day that it became Braxton and me against the world. Hmm. We could even debate his birthday. But I go with Sunday, February 13, 2005. The day Braxton died, though. I’m like Finnegan Bell from 1998’s Great Expectations, heart and all. Only from all the books I actually read. Well, love…

I’ve been trying to figure out how Braxton knows love. Again I can’t remember the happy days. Yet I remember when Triple B fell in love with his Aunt Carolina. It involved him going all Triple X, X-rated… whoa not that far. Ha-ha. She let him climb all over her. The next thing I knew, he was in love. Or he really liked her boobs. My son the dog; like father like son, ha-ha. I can’t recall when he fell for fries. Particularly McDonald’s. “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” Especially when he started getting older. And he always had that choice of going for a walk or waiting for fries. It could have been that he only wanted to be near me, always and forever.

Working the old Day Job… well, that was fucked up. Hell! I think Virgil understands how I “felt” about that place. Virgil understands? But what about love? Let’s try stairs. Anyway, Braxton didn’t love saying goodbye. Yes, more tears. To think he has that in common with Virgil. Now even with Braxton’s last day. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Those mornings imagining the former Day Job, Virgil will howl and cry for a while. Honestly, my love. Me and those boys, we don’t say goodbyes too well. Nope. Never. Only how do we say hello? I suppose I could crawl all over you. B III, and I know boobs. I could stop running away. We could sit here together, love. Virgil Loves That B

765 Days Without B III, Day 206 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve dropped a book a few times in the tub. A girl snatched one of my books and threw it at some guy. Bloody pages. And I’m sweating bullets in public. Reading is my place of peace… or so it is/was with Braxton. And Virgil? Virgil’s Bookish, B III

Friday, March 3, 2023

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t plan on becoming transphobic like J. K. Rowling. Or ripping people off somehow.

Please. For that kind of money… or less, I’d throw whatever morals I have out the window. I haven’t been doing a lot of reading. But I’ve watched every episode of “The Last of Us.” I’ve said I would burn the world to the fucking ground to save my Braxton. Hell! He’s not asking for that. And he wouldn’t even ask for me to be happy. My son knows me. If anything, B wants me to have peace. And when did that ever happen, hmm? Reading on the loveseat in the den. After a hard day of guarding the house and protecting me while I napped. He would curl up with me as I read. Did I need a reason to cry today with everything?

The Ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery. And is said to be frozen with the tears of the greatest betrayer, Lucifer. I’ll know sooner or later. At least, I hope so. Lady Sophia, I’d like to be correct for once. Besides my tears, I’ve been spitting nonsense at Cherry. Me looking and then; being STUPID! Next to Braxton dying, to be stupid is the worst. Then dad… the Day Job. Sweating up a storm at those things. But the Day Job for most of this week. Only better sweat than blood. My blood has been boiling with rage at that place, Sophia. The stress, sins, and sickness. All coming from trying to exist in this place, Sophia. One more reason to read. Knowledge and power?

I can’t say I’ve found much solace in “How to Be an Antiracist.” Was I looking for that, Sophia? And “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Beginning” is an excuse for me to be lazy. All so I can have my one-book-a-week streak. Or should I say, as the song goes, “I be strokin’.” I know, reading the energy bottle, I should be up until at least 2 this afternoon. So what should I be reading until then? Yep, stress, sin, and sickness. But here’s the thing, My Lady. It wouldn’t matter what I was reading. Braxton and the freeloader… Virgil. They want to be a part of it. I’m a better “person” while reading. You can’t get books wet. Buying a Kindle… Virgil’s Bookish, B III.

761 Days Without B III, Day 202 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Black History. I’m a black man, and “This Is America.” Thinking I can make a change. A family of my own? I don’t know my nephews. Or two half-brothers. And I was the best man I could be for Braxton. But some doggie or woman… To B Healthy Virgil.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means annual checkups, insurance, and staying the fuck out of Florida. But then again, Disney.

I may not have a healthy relationship with my Olds. But tradition. I want to take our kids to Disney World, Universal… Uh, what else is there again? I don’t want to think about it. Isn’t that the thing, love? I always told myself there would be time for Braxton. Living for my son; when he was the one living for me. Because what have I done for 758 Days? Existing. And yes, this is something I should be sharing with a therapist. Doggie, Wife? I should dig my hole a bit deeper. If I dare compare you, the love of my life, with Braxton. Love, my love. If it wasn’t for my firstborn, I don’t know if I could ever say I know love.

Because I didn’t go to the doctor yesterday for me. I still wake up every day not wanting to. I close my eyes with dreams to never open them again. Something else to discuss, right? Instead, I told the Doc what was going on. And she said that no, that’s not it. My sore ass. They shot me up with some antibiotics. And I got a prescription for the drugs I took after The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. A week’s worth for The Cherry Collision. I’m upset about that. What! That I got a week’s supply. Or the fact that I cared to get well. Being a husband, a father, and having the freeloader to feed. I swear I’ll stop calling Virgil Vivi that at some point. But today, love…

It’s not killing him. Been there and done that with Braxton. As for myself. Breathing. Yesterday the Doc said I need to drink more water, and I’m trying to keep it up for the week. Until I run through my course of meds anyway. B wouldn’t want this, I know. People in Hell want ice water but isn’t the Ninth Circle all ice? Treachery, Betrayal? Braxton, again, he kept me alive so that I could find you. So that I could give the love I should have been giving him to you, our family, even saving little V. But indifference? It’s what killed Braxton, and I could understand it killing me as well, for sure. It’s what I deserve. Existing living? To B Healthy Virgil

758 Days Without B III, Day 199 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m a writer. That’s starting to become a lie. Now “I’m a Slave 4 U.” It’s not like Britney wrote that. And it takes much worse to turn me on. And why do I need that? I should be writing since Virgil got in trouble last night. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

Friday, February 24, 2023

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not for writing. Not today. But as they say, brevity is the soul of wit.

I’ve gotten more mileage from the words “Braxton is dead” than anything else. To exploit my boy like that? Never. And I’m not trying to start something. I’m not Sophia. Only if you’re wondering where I’ve been. I wish I could say it was all cute dogs and such. Hell! I need them considering my day often starts off in tears. But reasons may vary. Dog memes, voiceovers, and I wish I could say books. I am rather enjoying “NSFW: A Novel.” Of course, you know why that is… Virgil is making that easier. Punishment. Today or rather last night, is the first time I had to place him in time-out. Peed on the floor. Anyway, I was able to read in peace. Not really.

And that’s because I’ll always miss Braxton. But as the book implies. NSFW, Lady Sophia. I still get off on horror stories concerning women. Why did I join Court’s Patreon? Yesterday I read about how the boss got that girl to take all her clothes off in a “trust exercise.” And the narrator was fingered by that guy Julian. Digital Penetration? I mean the way some things get described. And again, there’s courtwithconfidence. I swear, she told her true story, and all I wanted was to see her naked. How much was that, hmm? Oh, and what? I want to spend money on Johnny Sins videos. Him talking about sleeping with a former teacher of his. Wow! So few words, and I’m here banging away.

On the keyboard and not the bed. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident of January 11, 2022. The Cherry Collision on February 16, 2023? I thought about going to the doctor. Please. I woke up too late, which means… well, not a damn thing. But I don’t want to go. I have way too much writing to do anyway. The question remains, what gets done today. I have to text my old man about what the termite guy said. After my humiliating showing at my granddaddy’s funeral. I’m thirty-eight, Lady Sophia. Sad writing it again. There’s working on the cash—three groups of three hundred, then a hundred for me. A grocery list, promises I won’t keep, you, the other girls, Braxton. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

754 Days Without B III, Day 195 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Not my best work, but Will Smith has had moments like that… I wish I could say I spent all day watching Collateral Beauty. Or something more educational like The 1619 Project. But what I’ve been watching and doing so late. “Not A B-Movie Virgil”

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Will Smith isn’t… 350 Million and other things on the internet wasting my time today.

Death. Or rather looking it up, which begins with life. This means Braxton Barks Bradford. Don’t worry; I’m not suicidal… okay, that’s a lie; I usually am. But as Morgan Freeman spoke in Lean On Me, I’m not one to do things “Expeditiously.” Or, as the Beatles sang, “living is easy with eyes closed.” For me, that would mean sleeping. Practice for the big sleep, my love. And didn’t I want to talk about Collateral Beauty tonight? Will Smith and the like. If anything, I have been focusing on reasons for existing all day today. Any and all to Endure and Survive. Hell! The Last of Us is the only thing I’ve been watching, love. More death? I haven’t been to the doctor, have I?

Love? I can’t say I have ever loved myself. Here comes another movie reference. From Ben-Hur, “we keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.” I continue to exist because there is always someone that needs me… That’s not healthy, is it? But as I was telling M Anime. If love is not needed and can be tossed. Then it wasn’t love at all. I think. I couldn’t ask Braxton to stay, but I couldn’t save him either. Then marriage and family. Can I ask you to stay? Can I save you? All you need is love. But what’s left of me? Every day it’s like I’m watching the most horrible movie ever. It’s not Collateral Beauty. It’s “Welcome to My Life”

Time to look up songs and all this other stuff. Do you see what time it is? 7:30 PM. Fuck! Speaking of which. I’ve had time to look up all the porn in the universe because I don’t deserve anything real. What I wouldn’t give to sit on the loveseat with B and his aunt. Yes, love, we can do that too. Plus, there’s the bonus of the fact that I’m trying to make love. That would be time well spent, don’t you think? But the things that take my time nowadays. How I have the termite guy coming over at some point? I do need the house to hide in; well, we do. Talking about Love, Death, Time, Collateral Beauty. Not A B-Movie Virgil.

751 Days Without B III, Day 192 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will