Tag: Reasons

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

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So last week, around this time, I got 5400, and tonight there was 4300. I’m still not catching up to NaNoWriMo standards, but at least I’m not a liar when I put down 33,000 and some words total. Willing To Be Tired but not 700 words, but why not

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m not the usual Trump supporter. Let’s say for the record that I’m sorry I keep bringing up that piece of shit, which is the president. I’ve said a few times actually that he just creeps into everything daily. Speaking of which, it’s 10:50 PM right this second which means, I might be going to bed at 2:30 AM again tonight. My Lady Luna, I didn’t want to talk to you until I rectified things with NaNoWriMo from last night. Negan would say, “Today was a productive damn day.”

Okay, counting what I should have done last night (1900 Words). Also adding today’s total (2000 words) and this conversation (400). I’m only 700 short of doing a good work total of 5000. Don’t get excited, Lady Lu. I still hate Math and Language Arts. Surprisingly I continue to sound like a “Trumptard” by going against any form of knowledge.

On the other hand, those idiots will get up early to support him, and here I am, waking up at 8:30 AM. It was a struggle, I tell ya, trying to get my hair cut, go shopping, and let me repeat it… 4300 words, WHOA. But as Brandy sang about. “Almost doesn’t count.” Don’t get me started on music. Last night or the day before? Okay, how do I say this without going off the deep end of my addiction?

A “person” who said they would provide a service robbed a bunch of people. They got the sum of a million dollars. Now this person has, had, is building, hell if I know a music career. They did a song called “Lonely” which I have listened to and watched because I’m Will. I didn’t buy anything from them, but the fact I have it on Spotify and am now listening to Akon’s “Lonely.” So I went to get a haircut, which is only $10.00, but another person convinced me to get a shampoo and a scalp massage. That means I’m out of Ghost Pepper sauce for my BBQ ribs SIGH. Finally, there is an artist I have my eye on, which means I’ll be shelling out cash for Patreon, maybe. If I need anything right now, it’s a good night’s sleep, now that is funny. Not with this coming week.

But too exhausted for nightmares, Lu. Willing To Be Tired.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

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Last week I said that I couldn’t get 5000 words down… AHEM 5400, but it’s past midnight, and at this rate, I might as well be all Forrest Gump “since I’ve gone this far.” Man cannot live on a cup of popcorn shrimp. Don’t Stop Will Now

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and to be honest, I’m not having a good time. More Money, More Problems, as the song goes. Well, with one-word irk, “Writing.” Allow me to be a broken record in this, More Writing, More Writing. Indeed 5000 words Lady Lu. I owe you an apology Lady Lu because you see what time it is 11:45 PM. Yeah, I was having too good a time until 2:00 PM, I suppose, when I decided to start working. I’m still in the hole by about um yep another 5000 words. Only I promised.

Last night, I said I would use this weekend to catch up. If I keep up this pace? As always, I know that I can get it done if I want to. That’s like saying I can finally get My Dæmon to take his meds. I still haven’t found a sure-fire method for either being real. Now, as far as writing goes, okay, one I know I can get this done if I simply buckle down and do the damn thing. Two, I don’t know why I’m trying so hard when I know how I’ll feel with the end result. Three SIGH, I’ll pay for a NaNoWriMo shirt. Why do I want to earn it so badly? All I know is right now is that everything hurts, and if I stop for a second, I’m never going to get this done. Now that scares me because it’s like the Day Job. If you’re going through Hell, you don’t stop for anything ever. Enjoying the view?

It’s why I tried my strategy of “Build The World In Thirty Days” for once. The title could use some tuning, but in my story, I’m only going between the United States and the U.K.

So NOT around the world, and I’m definitely not saving it, not my limited “Willpower.” One of the motivations I once listened to would say you only need three words. “Whatever It Takes.” I could also add to that “Burn The Boats.” While I’m looking for inspiration, it would explain why I’ve been watching Star Trek: DS9, Pacific Rim, DBH.

Hell, I’ve even been getting into the jams of the “cult classics” ha-ha in Far Cry 5. What’s one more pop culture reference AHEM, Where The Red Fern Grows Lu. God pushed over my tree, “WRITE,” Don’t Stop Will Now.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 129 ~Will’s Done Getting Over~

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First, let me say AHEM “WAY TO GO JOE AND KAMALA!!!” Okay, while America now has the people in place readying themselves to fight what’s coming, what about me? Joe won the presidency, but I couldn’t get 5000 words down? Will’s Done Getting Over.

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Gospel 129 ~Will’s Done Getting Over~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s only the second biggest lie I’ve told today. If you’re looking for a third AHEM, “I’m going to write 4600 words today for NaNoWriMo.” I did accomplish a feat Lady Lu, around 3800, and you know I want 5000. I wish I could give you my best General Hummel impression (The Rock, 1996). “Well here and now, the lies stop!” Oh My Lady, have you heard the news. Joe Biden won the Election defeating President Trump. What will the comedians write about… we’ll see?

Now speaking of writing and forgive me if this is a bit rushed. You know I want to hear what the next old white guy in charge has to say. No, I’m not forgetting Kamala Harris will be the first woman, Black, Asian, Indian Vice President. How many other things? Now, didn’t I say at some point that I was sick of so many people talking? Here I am hearing a collective sigh of relief, the breath of life, celebration. And everything in between. Of course, the Trump supporters are in an uproar, and I’m sure M. Anime’s expecting war. Right now, all I truly want to do is cuddle with My Dæmon. Now, where is he, you ask? We’re having a disagreement about his medication, and so he’s locked in his room being stubborn. Like father like son, so he’s learned from the best, which is my compliment now.

Okay, if I have to give myself something else, I’m still keeping up with my reading. I’m no longer sticking to a time, says the man that wakes up at 4:00 AM but doesn’t start until 5:00 AM. I read 15% more today, and I’m a little ahead if you think back to K Webster. Yes, her latest book is still haunting me, though I did go a few hours without thinking of it at all. Some books are marriages; others are affairs or even relationships. Her book was a one-night stand that was exciting and creeped me out at the same time, never again. Okay, what about my third in the Cherry series and here we go with me feeling bad about myself. It truly is a horrible story, and I doubt I’ll get back into it tonight. Could I use the Election win as an excuse, you think?

Ha, Will’s Done Getting Over.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 122 ~Season Of The Will~

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Well, Happy Halloween or NaNoWriMo Eve since I don’t have any candy. A nightmare drove me out of bed to start writing something. Pantser that I am. Funny, I was only wearing a bath towel in my dream. “Season of The Will,” so time to turn on the heat.

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Gospel 122 ~Season Of The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could afford to have a drug problem. Yeah, I hear you, Lady Lu; there are plenty of people with addictions. Only we’re not here to talk about this or that, are we? God knows I have my problems, which I’m paying $30 to exacerbate every month. Of course, we can’t talk about that. At least yesterday, I spent money on print rather than videos, which is something. For the record, K Webster isn’t so bad. I didn’t expect her to be, of course. It’s with what I have been reading. Lately, I suppose.

Yeah, like my emails, one’s saying I should be all down “for the cause.” I can’t tell you the last black author I read or the previous black artist I bought from. Dammit, I had another “A” for you, but as I say daily, I know. I’m struggling to be as always “Family-Friendly.” Now My Dæmon is my family, and I wish I could talk about him all day. Those artists and authors, other than K Webster, who I know is a white lady. Hell, I don’t know about the others. They don’t have any pictures. Doing what they do, better staying hidden? However, Lady Lu, my dear, being the broken record that I am, I don’t want to listen to old white men anymore. So as Morpheus whispered, I have dreamed a dream. Now it was all black people, but Nikkia Bell and “Ma” Ellington were the two I recognized.

Octavia Spencer portrays Sue Ann “Ma” Ellington in Ma; that I have never seen, by the way. Ambrosia Kelley plays Nikkia Bell in Kill Bill. The dream’s crux is playing mother and daughter; they broke into the house and drove me out. I couldn’t stay; I was terrified. So here I’m pondering, trying to figure out what the dream means. This is Halloween? Well, I usually give deeper meaning to any vision of mine. Ma wants me voting? Interesting if it had something to do with Black Lives Matter since I survived, right? Nobody helped me in my dream, and again they were all black… I’m not Republican. My gun was locked, and the magazines were gone, but bullets remained still boxed in the dream. Hell, it could even mean I should walk My Imp.

Halloween, NaNoWriMo, Voting, it’s time, the Season Of The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

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The good news is I’ve been writing indistinguishable crap, and that’s when I’ve been writing at all. Apparently, I’m on some mad quest to remain “Family Friendly,” except on Thursdays. NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, so… Wrongs Wills To Write.

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and no, I’m not dying anytime soon. Aren’t I dead already, considering what time we find ourselves here, 8:45 AM. I was on time at 4:00 AM. I didn’t have the WILL to rise. Dreaming left me so um, well discombobulated.

What was I dreaming about, you ask? You know I can’t tell you that. No comment until Thursday and by that day? The thing is, even in the dream, my mind knew that it was wrong. Geez, 1984, much? How about that movie, Fortress (1992)? Yet again, I can’t say. That brings me to today’s point, which will also have me sounding like a broken record. IMPOSSIBLE, IMMORAL, ILLEGAL! Only I did say nothing is impossible, or at least my Six Impossible Things. Only I’m not writing my book or anything else for real. Of course, my next novel will be typed, and that’s because I want a new T-Shirt. Hell, I’ll have to pay for it anyway. Still, when it comes to NaNoWriMo, I want to imagine that I EARNED it for doing something.

Like most of the things I create, it’s not like I’m eager to see it again. I’m worried I might lose my progress. One more reason I’m late this morning, my visions, my plots, and all my non-edited works. I’m starting to think that’s why I’m staying so um Family-Friendly.
I’m stopped from writing anything at all because, again, none of it is right. As I said yesterday, I would begin reading another A.J. Markam title. Ok, if other authors, artists, are somehow authorized to do it, why can’t I? An African-American man in America? You know how I’ve been saying, I have to stop listening to old white men, especially the two on stage? Even my music is under attack, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, Kanye West. No sign of Indiana Gone, but we’re still friends. Then all the others…

I don’t want to write anything offhand, off-topic, or offensive. No wonder my last conversations have been all over the place. Can’t talk about the songs I like, the books, or reasons for certain movies. Of course, there are plenty of worst things like Trump winning again, coming from M. Anime. What’s one good thing I can write about? Lady Lu, I’m grateful, but everything ties back into the bad. The Wrong Wills To Write.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

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Saturday, October 17, 2020

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which would mean I even have a choice in the matter. As always, seeing how we’re talking so late… 10:15 AM, I chose to sleep in. You don’t even want to know what got me out of bed. Yep “Family-Friendly,” remember?

To be as clear as my head is right now, SIGH. I was up early to read, but I can’t speak of it as I keep saying. The thing is I want to talk about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam. Hell, I even want to talk about my writing. God knows I will when I’m at the Day Job humiliated. Lady Luna, it is by far more acceptable to speak of glorious demon battles. The universal struggle of good vs. evil. I can tell you of a man that wields both the powers of the demonic and the divine. Luther Vandross sang of “the greatest power of them all” however… Every day, as a matter of fact, “Here And Now,” aren’t I living the dream? I’m writing, I have a cup of tea which I’ll get to soon. For the record, my current reading reminds me of W. Anton.

As the world burns all around us outside, in the house, I’m freezing. One more reason, it was hard to get up this morning. I’m fortunate to have My Dæmon, the firstborn, a little “Imp,” to try and keep me warm. Which name do you like? Thank the authors for Imp. Curiouser and Curiouser! You wonder why I’m not turning on the heat. The moment I do, I’ll be burning up, and this cold snap won’t last. I should start checking on the car while I have the time to. I have to go to the Day Job. If only to keep my anger and fear. None of my emotions are useful when it comes to being warm. “Hot N Cold,” am I right? I’m quite eclectic, from Luther Vandross to Katy Perry wow. You know my current theme has been to stop listening to old white guys. What about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam, hmm?

I can’t say I see most of myself wrapped up in the sheets, lying in the sun. The Imp is around here searching for comfy spots. He’ll follow for hot wings, or so I tell myself before resetting the Wi-Fi. Yet, HELLo Will Won’t Go.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

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I suppose I should be grateful for yet another opportunity to change. As much s I would like to admit I had plans for today, cut to Pinterest and a bout of sickness. Over one and not the other. Can you guess? Reinventing The Will SIGH.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so add doctors to the list. Here I was shaking about the Coronavirus (COVID-19), but where have I spent the last few hours? Well, yeah, in bed, sleeping until 10 AM, but I should have enjoyed it. Let’s say for now God bless Sprite, which I always keep on hand. How sick was I? It all started when I took a little trip down to Pinterest way. A new email, a new Pinterest home, and the same mistakes. The only thing that keeps me 100% fearful is my “father.” He was doing a favor, killing me.

Woah! I hear you, Lady Lu, and I’m not getting into any Halloween celebrations quite yet. What I mean is, as the song goes, you “Make Me Wanna Die.” I’m not suicidal, but back then, every single time, it was because of him. Didn’t want his progeny living in fear. Speaking of which, before I screwed up this afternoon, I was running away from my phone. Now of all the terrors it holds, friendship shouldn’t be one. Oh baby, I love you, just leave me the (blank) alone. I swear with such and such texting me I’ll write a book. Only my stomach knew I had no such designs, and when I know I’m doing something wrong, it’s all “Down With The Sickness.” I swear I felt like crying, and I’ve been getting many of these days over and over.

My dreams aren’t exactly helping. I told M Anime that they serve as messages. So my “father” a million texts, and an upset stomach, but now visions. Yes, Lady Lu, I still see myself as a young man. Well, me and My Dæmon wise. Even he was worried about me. Anyway, while dreaming, I saw a Latino man sliding down a slip n’ slide or a waterslide. Trash was on both sides, and he was scared, but he kept sliding without any real control. Hell, I wish I could tell you more, but again I’m trying to be good. So why am I on Pinterest? I see the signs. And not only in my head Lady Lu. I’m wasting too much time on nothing. You know, maybe that’s it, something fun, but it’s all garbage. What about the character, hmm?

As always, I have to be better, but again I’m trying. Reinventing The Will SIGH

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

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I would kill for a nap right now, but why not for money, is that any better? At least when I’m sleeping, no one is being hurt fictionally or factually but didn’t my son wake me up yesterday. His heart problems… “Dying For The Will, where’s my heart?”

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and yet have no one to leave my fortune to. If I had the money, somewhere on the list would be how to make dogs live longer. Yesterday I brought up that the Dæmon and I had a bit of a scare. My son’s heart was working too hard, and my heart? It seems only when it’s breaking, is when I realize I have one at all. Every other time well… as you know, I commit many a sin, most based on FEAR. While not one of the seven deadly or nine circles a crime. But today, let’s talk about SLOTH.

THEY say it’s the most difficult sin to define, and like any disease it is, will or has killed me. Hell, if this was the Day Job we were talking about, I wouldn’t be complaining. Don’t I love writing? Wasn’t I almost on time today, 4:15 AM? Get up at 4:00 AM, 3:00 if ET. Dearest Lu, I don’t mean to be so down today. I’m a black man living in America. Even when we’re up, we’re down for the struggle, praying, or living the dream. I guess all those typing lessons in school didn’t take as I watch my fingers flying and son napping. However, I always know that I can do so much better for him. For us, but I might die right here on this couch someday because I neither want to do or try. Why is it every day I sound more like a Republican, but then again, I want to vote. Let’s say I’m inspired.

To what, help my country and indeed the world. Didn’t I talk about wearing masks and how I didn’t want anyone to die? If anything, I like the apocalyptic aesthetic. Well, it turns out that was false hmm as I watch people celebrate (you know who) get carted off for treatment. Only there’s no antidote for laziness, for Sloth. I wonder why are conversations take so long, Lady Luna, and it’s because I want everything to be perfect… Now again, isn’t that one more lie? My fingers and tongue have all the energy in the world to make up excuses. Of course, if this was the Day Job? Now that’s something I don’t want to lose. Yet here I am sitting, writing, I love it but Dying For The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 087 ~Will Of Early Birds~

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Why do birds suddenly appear? Why did the chicken cross the road? It’s better to be a live chicken than a dead duck. Okay, so this morning, I saw BK was voted the best chicken sandwich. Well, that was a blanking lie. Will Of Early Birds, chat or food

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Gospel 087 ~Will Of Early Birds~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should send someone out shopping. Who was it that said if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything? If there’s one thing I want in these times, it’s time itself. Now I could talk about living in the moment, but I seldom ever do. Hell Lady Lu, all I do is talk to you and the girls, but I have no interest in looking back on those conversations. Here and now, I had a spirited discussion with M. Anime. My dreams last night were thoughts of COVID-19. Yesterday I got a “TOY.”

Dale Carnegie was right about keeping busy to avoid worry. Yet I worry about the past, present, and possible all at once. My history, again, today, I’m worried about keeping “IT” in my pants. Some time ago, I said I would have a day I don’t talk about legs, breasts, and thighs, but it is not this day. For Existence Day, I got the Adam and Eve Bangin Betty Stroker Kit. My that takes me back to how I got my first Fleshlight. To a time, I began studying BDSM; research. How about watching Extreme Movie for the first time?

Somehow from all of that, I found my life’s purpose. At present, I can’t say that I’m living up to it. Now understand this, Lady Lu, it has never deviated from writing. I knew of Le Marquis De Sade but hadn’t read his works. I read books on BDSM, for example, Dom’s Guide To Submissive Training. It wasn’t until I found my mother’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. I realized people could write like that… Badly, I can hear the jokes. Only I discovered a whole world and that men can write like that too. S. Wolf “Sex Zombies.”

Still, I will say tomorrow, okay? I was up at 4:00 AM somehow, but what time is it now? It’s been about 11 hours, and what can I say I have accomplished today. Well, at least I ain’t hungry because I’ve been everywhere, Ma’am. All the same, where will I be tomorrow, and how is the new week looking. The only way I see myself flying is if someone pecks at me. If I were a Christian man, all Jonah and the whale, I think.

Why do birds suddenly appear, SIGH, Will Of Early Birds.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 080 ~Willie Gone Diddilly On~

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She’s out of my life, it’s out of my life, and I’m no good with goodbyes, but neither is anyone else sadly. All I know are magicians, manifestations, and mistakes. Is it any wonder I’m into whips, chains, ropes, and fabric. “Willie Gone Diddilly On.”

Saturday, September 19, 2020

Gospel 080 ~Willie Gone Diddilly On~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This means besides Target and 5-hour ENERGY, add Pinterest to my sickness and rage. Now don’t sound I “presidential” going to war with some company. So like Trump with Tik Tok. Today, I’ll be pretty selfish.

Sure, I could talk about the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, may she rest in peace. There’s also how angry I’m being to with Dæmon since he growled at me yesterday. Hell, I’m still a little perturbed by how rude I was to that internet salesman last Friday at Walmart. At the Day Job, one of the managers told me I can’t go around ignoring people. Today and every other, I’m supposed to be a father. I can’t stay in a rage forever, which is one more reason I’m always exhausted. That and fear, finding out my Pinterest was suspended.

A second time Lady Lu, and there won’t be a third. All of that “work” and like finding out about some girl in the middle of the night. She’s gone. It’s gone, and I’m going to be sick. I don’t know how to speak the feeling. It’s like I’m slamming into the ground, trying to bury myself or find a staircase right into Hell. I need some sleep, but at the same time, I can’t close my eyes. My stomach is empty, and at the same time, I want to puke my guts out. The only way I’ll find them.

I keep going back to the words from my big “sister” as always. “You can’t build a strip club next to a school.” I didn’t do something so heinous, and at the same time, I declare guilt, my many sins. I did finishing reading that W. Anton book yesterday, so shouldn’t I be a man about this? If anything, I should shut-up talking to you and the girls about, well anything. I could lose this blog tomorrow, lose another profile whenever. I haven’t felt this bad since… MILF Dos, the Rainbow Girl, All The Jazz, my last Pinterest, was taken.

How I need to remember how I got over that one. Didn’t I tell you before my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world? I’m not looking to gain the world but to buy back my soul. My soul was before me, then poof. Pictures worth thousands of words all Willie Gone Diddilly On.

I Will Have No Fear