Tag: Power

Saga 269 ~We Cannot Learn Without Pain~

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Didn’t I say I’ll break a hand someday? It hasn’t happened. At least I’d have an excuse. Not to pet Virgil. Or pound away at keys for… reasons. And yes, the palms of my hands are filled with… Anyway, existence is pain. “We Cannot Learn Without Pain.”

Monday, March 27, 2023

Saga 269 ~We Cannot Learn Without Pain~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or if I decided to be honest. I’m just a sucker for pain, as the song goes.

Of course, not a day goes by; I don’t think about the pain that defines this existence—my son’s death. Has a day gone by that I haven’t brought up Braxton Barks Bradford? And what did I learn from his leaving me? Well, more like his murder. THEY say at the Day Job with all the Humiliations Galore that goes on there. My face turns red. Well, tries. But it’s my hands, Madam. What color was the pen I used singing Braxton’s euthanasia? The Hell if I know. But my hands are red with his blood. Gray or black with B’s ash, hmm? I’m not opening that box again. What about B’s memorial, the money, and the memories? So many pictures I should look at.

Because everything hurts so much, and I’m still so effing STUPID. That happens when you’re busy pounding away on one head and ignoring the other. Oh, with these hands, Madam. With these hands. I can’t say I use them for anything that resembles love. LUST? I could go on and on about that. But first, I’m talking to you on Sunday, March 26, 2023. And I’m trying to keep my hands off my dick. Or from typing perverted desires. Why do you think I keep repeating The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022? And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. I didn’t learn from one, so here I am, suffering. Will the pain subside after the lesson has been learned? Or vitamins…

And what did Virgil Vivi do to deserve the pain he’s in? He’s sitting in Braxton’s room because… I could give you an excuse Madam. I’ve been rereading a lot of quotes from all those dead fur baby books. About when I thought B III would be reincarnated and return. All the books I read only to remain STUPID. I should join the Republican Party. Only they don’t read, and the only burning I’m doing is the heat here. Me, being effing horny and waiting on my time in Hell. That’s right. The Day Job again. What’s there to learn? Madam, I want to join my boy. But he wasn’t smart enough to leave. Harsh! I decided that for him. We Cannot Learn Without Pain.

785 Days Without B III, Day 226 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 024 ~Power Means, Responsibility, Desire, Fear~

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A “great” man once said, no one man should have all that power. The most I ever had was over my furry son’s life. A few screens that show me the “world.” And the idea that I can sleep when I want. Ah, power. Power Means, Responsibility, Desire, Fear.

Monday, July 25, 2022

Saga 024 ~Power Means, Responsibility, Desire, Fear~

Two-Hundred and Fiftieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means, in He-Man’s words, “I Have The Power!” Rule 13, Power Is All That Matters, right?

From last week to the start of this week, it’s been all about power, energy, and some plain ole oomph. This shows why I’m up at 2:00 in the morning, but that comes later, Madam. Responsibility, or how I look at it. Adulting for the most part. I cannot stress this enough. Was I responsible when it came to the life of my son? Hell!

My Brother’s Keeper? Regarding daddies, Triple B found another one in Father Time. But that doesn’t stop me from blaming myself. Shame is how I’m feeling right this second. I was supposed to be responsible for B III’s well-being. And now, like some parent leaving their kid in the car, I’m worried about a phone. Isn’t that harsh and despicable?

Sad too that the phone, in a way, is so vital in my lousy existence. If B was here, I could try to say that I need it to look after him. Now, if anything, I’m just “Some Guy” Madam. Cherry said, “You men, you’re all the same in the end.” With the way, I feel about people (sigh). Of course, the best man I know died 540 days ago. Braxton is furry and fluffy.

On the other hand, Madam, as the song goes, “But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo.” Oh, you know I’m way worse. I keep looking at the date and must remember why I began talking to Lady Lu again. Because of my second greatest desire, which is XXX. I’m hopeless.

Fear of both having and losing that at the touch of a button. What other function do any of these devices serve? Oh right, writing as a livelihood. What was I creating only after doing the bare minimum of words for B? The first poem I’ve written in forever, for tits. “It has that power over me,” sex, I mean. At least I have the power to say it. Such is strength. But that’s like a few weeks ago when I got it up to go to Best Buy, and they couldn’t do anything for the phone. And if that happens today? I’ve said the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. A man provides and has the power to do so. Power Means, Responsibility, Desire, Fear

540 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

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I’m not a big drinker, but that goes for alcohol, and I don’t know, um, water. I’ve had two sodas, and it’s ink, not coffee, that’s keeping me awake. Digital ink like virtual blood because this body is tapped out. “No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.”

Monday, December 14, 2020

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

Hundred And Sixty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and truth be told, you know what I was thinking about with this rule. So I’m trying to keep my hands busy with lunch and wiping the “sleep” from my eyes. I could be in bed sweating away unconscious, but I’m trying. Somehow I even woke up early this morning to have a bit of joy. At the very least, I’m feeling glad that I got my reading out of the way. But what I mean is, books are intended to soothe? Baby, It’s Cold Outside, as the song goes. The sound of rain helps me sleep.

These days I’m more into virtual blood, either from the dead or cult. Today I got back into my motivations, and Eric Thomas talked about routine. One more reason I should hurry on along. At 5:00 PM, I got zombies. Oh, and at 6:00 PM, there’s Project at Eden’s Gate. Spitting into the wind and daring to call it progress. Doesn’t make me different than anyone else that has decided to spit on me. At least with masks, it makes it so much harder to do. Haven’t I mentioned before how much I’m loving masks?

I shouldn’t say things like that. Considering how many people are crying over Coronavirus (COVID-19). I’m trying to keep a lot to myself these days or again just spitting out whatever’s been said in years past. Such damning overwhelming secrets. Interesting, but what about tears of joy or finding something funny. Again one more reason I should be sleeping right now to give the world a chance to amuse me. Good luck with that, right? More like I don’t want to give this world one more damn thing for sure.

Makes me think about All Out War from The Walking Dead. Bullets and blood and have you taken a good look at the world lately. Game Of Thrones, Fire, and Blood, but I am trying so hard to stay on the right side of things. Well left… the Electoral College. Surprisingly there are a plethora of bodily fluids, and that might be a bit TMI. Hell, if anything, you know that I’m Toxic, which isn’t right. Poison, Venom, I Heard It Through The Grapevine. For the love of everything, stop me from spilling and overflowing.

Ink should be the only thing that matters to me. No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 159 ~Everything, Everyone Has A Price~

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As the song goes, AHEM, if you pay the right price, your evening will be nice, and you can go or send me on my way. Not exactly the career for me but for others, well, I’ll just leave it there. “Everything, Everyone Has A Price,” and I’m pretty cheap

Monday, December 7, 2020

Gospel 159 ~Everything, Everyone Has A Price~

Hundred And Sixty-Five Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough? Every other day I tell you and the other girls that I’m adopting Republican policies. I guess I’m getting the failures out of the way, if anything. If you don’t believe me, you should have watched my gaming. Do I need to talk about Far Cry 5 right now? Well, it’s how I get to bed and seeing as how I’ll be exhausted in the morning regardless… So you get $1,000 (in-game) for taking outpost undetected. I failed to do that, so he who fights and runs away?

Anyway, I believe that everyone has a price, in my opinion. It doesn’t have to be monetary per se. Find what a person wants and what they are willing to do to get it. Tonight I have been wracking my brain to figure out mine. Madam Justice, SIGH, I’m NOTHING. Disturbing, isn’t it. Let’s start with something small, like my Dæmon. I’ve had offers from $500 to $900 for him. I’m not a bad parent, I suppose. That’s not the point, regardless. If anything, I’m destroying my argument entirely because I swear my CHILD’S priceless. Okay, so how about how I want to spend my life. You understand I can’t say if I want to stay on the up and up for some reason. However, I have respect, and at the same time, how much money have I spent, you think, over the years?

You’re not Inspector Echo, but I have a confession to make. I guess from reading all those Christian books years ago. Only what I was reading before Christmastime? I once thought about selling my soul to the Devil. Hell, if you could guarantee everything I desire… You’re asking what stopped me? Well, I have to disagree with Spotify as I am not a “Sucker For Pain,” at least not mine. Someone said we have “blood to spare,” and that’s another thing. How much blood have I shed at the Day Job? How much having a shave? So again, how much am I worth? When I go in, what am I working for, around ten bucks an hour? I spent a month on NaNoWriMo, excuse me, four years, and have I published a single book? What do I want for my life?

Again with Spotify AHEM Love and Happiness… for this man? Everything, Everyone Has A Price.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

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I want to listen to all those who won NaNoWriMo 2020. I need to silence the voices going off in my head that it was a complete waste of time. What about my second BFF that asks have I published a book yet. “Listen And Silent, Same Letters.”

Monday, November 30, 2020

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

Hundred And Sixty-Four Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I believe it’s because I listen and learn. Of course, that’s when I’m not being lazy. Now before I go off flying headfirst into my depression, let’s start with good news. I finished NaNoWriMo today with Sinning The Cherry On Top. According to NaNoWriMo, this is my fourth victory in the annual event, so how do I feel? Okay, bring on the depression. My hands smell like hotdogs. Of course, I have my Dæmon and my laziness to thank for that. Oh, my ending goes nowhere.

Now, this is the time I should practice with SILENCE. Madam Justice, I was about to ask this question. What does it take to shut-up the voices in my head? I’m not a big drinker, and another addiction had me ruin my Six Impossible Things. My characters are done now. I would say that a goodnight’s sleep would help. Even tonight, however, I’m going to be in bed late. What are the odds I can get to bed before midnight? Not that I haven’t spent most of the day in bed already. Hell, that’s where I finished NaNoWriMo, around six. Well, I have time for a new addiction, and you know I’ve been jonesing to get back into an old one. Every night I usually go to bed telling myself stories from Far Cry 5. When I play games. I could have the meanest gun in all of creation, I’m still quiet. Um, M60 much?

I bring to your attention two phrases… “Knowledge Is Power” and “Silence Is Golden.” Now, don’t I sound educated? I dropped out of college COUGH junior college. Don’t get me wrong, I respect education. The thing is, um, I’m always listening for things I want. Yeah, one more of those reasons that make me sound like a Trump supporter. I liked hearing Indiana Gone’s voice. I’m reading Eric Vall. Well, NaNoWriMo said congratulations on the victory. However, they extend that to everyone. I’m not special. Remind me to go ahead and shop for one of their shirts before the end of the night since I will be up. It wasn’t like I was listening to any of my motivations for this NaNoWriMo event either. Yeah, I finished here on the last day. What’s the point?

Am I the strong silent type? Don’t I wish, ha? Listen And Silent, Same Letters

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

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It’s written, speak of the Devil, and he’ll appear because God knows I ain’t loving anybody today that doesn’t have four legs and barks. I’d say I want to be a better man, but no, I’m Silas. Thanks, World Beyond. “God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love”

Monday, November 23, 2020

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

Hundred And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but today I’m not in the mood for this rule. If anything, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is for my Dæmon, and he’s right up against my thigh. So I guess I get why he always wants to cuddle because the moment he gives me space… Today though, as the song goes by Get Set Go AHEM “I Hate Everyone.” I swear to Christ all I felt today is Fury, Rage, Wrath… Why didn’t Divergent have a faction for people like me? If it’s any consolation, I’m angry with myself, so yeah, we can burn.

Now I know my week is going to suck, but yesterday, The Walking Dead World Beyond… Jesus. Well, you can see by the title. I must have been in a somewhat religious mood with this rule. Anyway, do you remember I said that everything I enjoy is biting my behind? So last night’s episode hit a little too close to home. Long story short, I am Silas. Quote a song about it, so here it go, “Everybody know I’m a motherfucking monster” pardon my French. Then we have an obsession with Iris from Silas. And finally, all his “Dad Issues.” Dammit, Madam Justice, I’m on the verge of writing a third book about some girl. I don’t want to say her name now because it makes me sick to think about my trash. I hate my “Father,” but I’m still here, a grown-ass man living off his cash right now.

Is that not unconditional love? I’m not suicidal, I keep telling myself, but right now, I’m in a dark place. Much like Silas, I’m somewhere in-between letting the dead take me. On the other hand, I really want to hit something. My fists were balled all day—God, such hate. If I could, I’d apologize for my terrible novel. I’m going to finish it, but I hate it more with each passing day. Nobody will ever read it, but yeah, this is a job that must get done, even if I become public enemy number one. Yes, Madam Justice, that is from another rap song. What, it’s not like I can tell you about the book series I’m liking, not loving, I ain’t Jacob. Now that guy has unconditional love but also unlimited power, ha. Rule 19 Love Is A Great Power but unconditionally… divinity.

God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

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As Master Yoda put it, do or do not, there is no try. The legendary Sean Connery talked about losers “trying their best,” and I won’t say anything about a prom queen. Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab. Can somebody tell my fur-baby, but not his fault.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

Hundred And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I were a doer. How I wish I could tell you I’m a doer right now, Madam Justice. I did read one of Eric Vall’s books. Another 15% is done. Before I came to talk to you today, I wrote 1900 words for NaNoWriMo. While I still haven’t caught up, I’m on par, and what’s the magic word today? I’m TRYING. Let’s not even discuss addictive behaviors; the things I had to do to get today’s writing done. Besides, canceling wrestling tonight.

I can’t say I was in the mood tonight, considering I read the Day Job’s schedule. Yeah, you know anger is surpasses “almost” every other emotion. Don’t get me started on Six Impossible Things, either. Again, I TRY and play by the rules, and what does it get me. Dammit, I do blame myself that I didn’t make the bed this morning, and so I climbed right back in. What about trying to give my Dæmon his meds today. Now that is a job that must get done, I heard in a song once. Only he is trying my patience. Yeah, didn’t make the bed. Let me get back into the Day Job, though. As always, I continue with humiliations galore, being something that I’m not. I’m not moving forward; I am running for my life from life. The novels I read and shows I watch are wrecking me daily.

At this point, there is not one thing in my life that I’m both liking and doing well. TRYING, though, even if it’s something like not being addicted to failure. For what successes I had today? I woke up bright and early, shut off my alarm, and jumped right back into bed. What the Hell am I DOING in my life? That’s a massive question. M. Anime texted me, but I still haven’t gotten through all her audio files. Meanwhile, the spam keeps flowing. I wonder how much I’ll find when I get around to posting this at what. 11:00? Now that’s being optimistic. If anything, I excel at DOING nothing, which makes me sound a lot like Ralph Wiggum, “That’s where I’m a Viking.” Speaking of Vikings, I always waste money on everything. Yep, games, and other “miscellaneous” activities.

But writing tonight, Madam Justice, do I feel any better? Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 131 ~Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure~

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I’m the boss of a fur-baby, I say, as I open the door; how many times? I’m not the father of the year, hell as a guy in general, I’m alright. For him and I, and whatever woman shows up, I want everything. Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure, right

Monday, November 9, 2020

Gospel 131 ~Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure~

Hundred And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I want more. Only who am I these days, to go talking about, let alone doing anything to go get it. I work for my Dæmon so that he can have a better life… Oh, so that’s why I left the Day Job early. How about a nap for a while?
You know that I want to be a good man Madam Justice. I’m not talking about “God, family, football,” you have The Best Man Holiday (2013) to thank for that. To be honest, Madam Justice, I am still trying to find the three elements that shape me as a man.

What I know is that everyone I see in any position of power has to hurt someone. Seems the wealthy live in a maddening state of damage control. They believe that in the end, their righteousness outweighs the evil. It’s one of many reasons they always cling to faith. In a world of things, I can’t stand, and indeed there are many. These two words, AHEM, the “Greater Good,” infuriate me. I’ll put them on the um, hated words list if I remember… like the rest of my terms. Biden and Harris are the Greater Good. I’m glad for the victory. They knocked out a Devil that would do me harm for an evil that might benefit me. I voted for my benefit even if it could do others harm “Snowflake Trumptards.” Only I won’t pretend they’re the Second Coming.

I was reading A.J. Markam’s novel today, the fourth one in a series. Anyway, so you got Ian the Warlock right and his former demon Dorp. They were arguing about him using people. He does good things ultimately to the benefit of himself. Lacking Abnegation? Yeah, Madam Justice, I can’t talk about the book I’m reading. But let’s throw in Veronica Roth’s “Divergent,” get it because of the Abnegation reference. Abnegation was the ruling faction, and you know how that turned out for them. Now, what faction would I choose? Dauntless, of course, was the bravest and the strongest. Erudite Madam Justice, the smartest, the cruelest, the ones that took Chicago hmm. Funny how my 161st rule ties in with the 13th, “Power Is All That Matters.” Madam Justice, I want to rule my life.

I could go on from The Factionless to Captain America…

Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure.

“You two just don’t see it. Everywhere he goes, he uses people. And sometimes he uses them to help other people, but ultimately it’s all to help himself. He wouldn’t help you, succubus, if he didn’t find you so beautiful. He sure didn’t help me.”

“I do use other people. I try not to, and I try to help others out, but I fuck up sometimes. And I fucked up royally with you. I’m sorry. I know that’s not good enough – I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me – but I wanted you to know. If you want to leave now, you can.” ― A.J. Markam

I Will Have No Fear

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

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Point A to point B, but in some ways, the point of it all is to stand your ground no matter what, and so I did but why, how about asking why I play “Far Cry 5” an hour every day or what’s with my writing. What Was The Point There?

Monday, January 6, 2020

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

Hundred And Eighteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s it all for, you ask. The short answer, quoting Limp Bizkit “Nookie,” how about “Girls, Girls, Girls,” or she got me “So Hott.” The long story would be well “Be Not So Fearful.” FEAR is a big word. Now, of course, I could say “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” “If I Had $1,000,000,” and “Power.” Notice POWER is bigger than FEAR. Also, the fact that my Wi-Fi is playing games today, so the music is sporadic. On the positive side, I had to get-up.

Eric Thomas says to fall on your back; if you look up, you can get up. Why did I start listening to these motivations? Let’s stick with the question of what was the point. It happened by accident, the Nuffsed Intro. Even Spotify noticed I needed the boost. I’m sticking to my promise, my Will, but yes, the fact that I stood up against LP a few days ago. I did that because I refuse to have another person look down on me, again I’m looking up. I can’t ever be anything less than myself and what do I say every single day, I AM a Billionaire. That explains why I have a few girls chasing me now, Madam Justice. Why this morning, I was once again looking up, travel fares, and a hotel and casino resort. If it works for Alice Little well? Still, as Eric Thomas says, no jealousy, no envy but I’m sicker, faster, bigger, badder, no doubt.

Why, because this morning the fact is I can do my job, but I hate the people there. I do believe in the law of attraction, so as always avoiding the negative, I want a position where I don’t hate, fear, or mourn. I want POWER is beyond my reach. Let’s say “BBB” but also bullion, biology, etc. What about what I said to you know who the other day. She’s just a friend, but the old me wouldn’t have dared. New Year, I will be bold, brave, a bad boy for life, or who knows a good man. Funny no internet and suddenly let the pop culture references fly free. Last week was to show that I can and will endure. Whatever happens, I need only this question. Everything I do is towards my desire for Power, so What Was The Point There.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 327 ~For A Willing Canvas~

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I was never one for painting, and with my writing, I said something about creating a God and letting him put the world together and that has to spill out into the waking world, and there is plenty of room. For A Willing Canvas so?

Friday, May 24, 2019

Episode 327 ~For A Willing Canvas~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, more than that if we’re counting every poem, story, and word. I’m not about to throw a Trump Tantrum about never having an audience. Don’t get me wrong; it’s been almost two years, so it’s about passion and desire. An OBSESSION which has gotten me into more trouble than anything. Porn, I can make it through the day. Twitter is a crap shoot. I’ve only spoken with Cherry, but I’m staying out of my pictures today.

The problem is everything is a canvas. I spoke yesterday about the “White Walls,” but you see why I prefer black. Only, it doesn’t allow you to say anything when you bathe in black. Now that would be a decent political metaphor. When I’m asleep, there are no worries. I saw a tick on B III’s ear last night so big concern. The thing is, getting it off became my goal. This morning I went and got a haircut so I won’t be pulling my hair out. What about black women? Again, please understand, all women are trouble in one shape or another. Now, this isn’t racism talking; African American women usually spell trouble. Do I sound weak I can’t handle some independent, Nubian queen while white women run away?

I’ll tell you there were a few that had the decency to shoot me down with dignity. The others; no, I don’t want to mention them today, it’s been rather good. Still, for the record, I prefer the women in books. How about those that I think about in my shower? In my new house, all black everything but the pages Lady Sophia will remain my asylum.

Along with the girl I marry. Only, “Think And Grow Rich” talks about having a definite purpose. You know my battle colors, red and black, Queen Daenerys Targaryen, a woman after my own heart. Now what I should see is gold and green. Those Lady Sophia are a testament of the artistic world.

Why do you think green has symbolized the color of creation often? Yes, I like nature, but give me the green I seek, and I will build a brand new world. Gold blinds us but with the black within me, which is worse? The black though now that comes from the mind, body, and soul where will I put it, women for A Willing Canvas.

I Will Have No Fear