Gospel 284 ~B Eager As Ever~

When I was a kid (ha-ha), the Book Fair was, well, my second favorite thing. Dogs were first. And now, being an adult (funny) with only the memory of my son and m library mostly digital… it’s rare when anything good comes to the door. B Eager As Ever

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Gospel 284 ~B Eager As Ever~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you’re still tired, hoping you’ll be a better man, but you’re “home,” so yeah, Braxton’s life.

Ever so grateful for his. You can’t say that enough. It’s official or will be around 4:00 PM. Braxton has been gone 70 days or 10 weeks, does two months, and some change suit you better. I was once annoyed by how people talked about their newborns. You want to treasure every single breath, right? Every Day Is Exactly The Same as the song goes. With all the routines that will be keeping you alive, I’m sure you’ll be fighting the urge to live exactly that. I’m sorry that I failed you in that idea. Again you’re living as B III, living for him. Should I give the spiel or sing He Lives In You? Enormous, hopes, wishes, and dreams but not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 12 by Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 107) No Fap
  5. I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Enemies that I suppose you’ll avoid well, four of them at least. Are you going to blame Camp NaNoWriMo? You’d never blame Braxton but that Day Job of yours, and then what are you doing to change the situation? Yeah, I know you’re getting started, 5:00 AM, damn fucking world. Egregious, isn’t it? And I’m not only talking about your language. I’ve been thinking about all the lessons that B taught. It’s like when he was here, I didn’t know it, but I had it all. Now you have enough. Becoming a Billionaire seems to be getting further and further away, like 5000 words, ha. Energy, peace, and I’m not Whitney Houston or Hank Hill to wish you, LOVE. A curse of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Katie: A Novella by Mo Ibrahim
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 107 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Eking out a living is no way to live, and yet I ask you like those motivations you no longer play to be grateful. I’ll admit that even I was for a few minutes yesterday afternoon, so one is ready. Easy way to say this is. Be like B. You remember how he was with you would bring fries home, and he would be prepared to tear into them. Yesterday I received another book and read it on the counter. Enlightenment may not be the order of the day, but why choose fear, pain, and oh this world again. You could make that an Impossible Thing, like living without B. But find something… um good. Eagerness, like Braxton to stay. Please, B Eager As Ever.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 283 ~What If Braxton Did~

I swear I heard him in a rush down the stairs. Every time I get an email about a lost pet, I check it. Not helping but thinking I’ll see Braxton’s face. It’s been sixty-nine days, and I still hear him ask why instead of goodbye. “What If Braxton Did”

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Gospel 283 ~What If Braxton Did~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so it feels that way. With quick deliveries, people know my name, but for Braxton.

What if Braxton did come running down the stairs again? It’s been about ten weeks to the day, sixty-nine to be exact. Cue the South Park “Nice,” which is how I felt with my recent book. Anyway, if Braxton did appear at “medicine time,” if this was always a nightmare? What if B III’s water dish was empty, or I found a mess in his spot at some point? I should start investing in ghost hunting guides. And you’re asking yourself what brought on my “1408” query? Yesterday, I was shaking the pill bottles as standard, calling B once again. What if Triple B was curled up in his bed, only waiting for me to ferry him off to mine? Now I sound like Charon.

If Braxton did tell me, it was okay to let him go? That’s never going to happen, Lady Lu, with my commitment to DENIAL. I said at one point that ANGER was overtaking me and, as far as BARGAINING, to lose myself. There are decent people, and who am I? If B III did tell me that I was forgiven for what happened to him. Well, I know I don’t want that. I still believe that the worst crime anyone can ever commit is taking another’s soul. I took Braxton’s life, not his will to live; I’m not my “father.” B fought for every second. If Triple B did tell me he was thankful for his life, he loved me, and goodbye instead of why?

When I do see Braxton again, at this rate, I’ll be in an insane asylum for sure. Here I am, and I can still feel him all around my feet. If I forget some nearly sixteen-year habit, I burst into tears. Every time I see a missing pet report, I have to check to see if it’s B, the Hell. When I do see B III again, maybe Cerberus is that lonely. As if Braxton went to Hell, but he would follow me as I would follow him. “We can be all poetic and just lose our minds together,” The Last of Us (Left Behind).

When I do see Triple B again, I want him to be proud of me somehow. What If Braxton Did.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

Last week I mentioned the caveman commercial, and this week it was the old “Obsession” Ad. Anything I focus on, you could say I became obsessed with. I was with Braxton, and then I grew aphetic and what happened next. “Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.”

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I got “a king-size tub big enough for ten plus me,” like the song goes.

Ok, even if you or I had that much room, that’s the one place B III wouldn’t go. Not unless he was getting a bath (I paid groomers) or he was sick. So before you forget, are you even going to shower today and not in a procrastination sort of way? But who’s waiting now? Speaking of forgetfulness, you do know that today is Easter Sunday. Not that it matters to you not being a man of faith and all. Your last REAL prayers were for what? You could wax all poetic like the Christians, QAnon folk, the Republican party. A list of “um, well.” The only thing you have in common with them is a collection of excuses for losing. Yeah, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Completed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Obsession, isn’t it? Well, it depends on what you choose to follow. For you, it’s Braxton, which is apparently unacceptable. You’re Chuckie, and Braxton was Melville… “I Remember Melville.” People follow the “living dead” all the time, especially today, right? It’s something you miss about Braxton. As there is no one, not family, not Indiana Gone, M Anime, or Grandma, that is here for you, every day. Now your actual Grandma said you were one for Pride. I mean, who the hell are you? To Braxton, you were the world. Now isn’t that a sobering thought to go from being a god to nothing at all? Yet you were the one who worshipped him, always trying to be better for him with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 12 by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Opioids aren’t raining from the sky for this type of pain you’re going through. When I was a boy, I would look for stuff to take the edge off. No, I never did hard drugs but more excuses, distractions, anything to waste time. I swore that was Pokemon, Anime, Hentai. Only yesterday, while I was reading more Eric Vall, I got into more “forbidden texts.” Oh, what, reading about Succubi, Lilith, and the Circles of Hell aren’t enough? As you can see on Six Impossible Things, why haven’t you finished B’s collection yet? Too Much! Obsession kills, and yet you keep coming back. Without Braxton or your very own Taylor Townsend “The OC,” you’re alone.

Could say paranoid but “Find Me.” Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 276 ~Boys Will Be Braxton~

Well, Braxton didn’t like baths. He always wanted a full tummy, and he had no idea what I was talking about, but the noise seemed to soothe him. Yes, I’ve pretty much taken over his role, but in the end, “A Man Provides.” Boys Will Be Braxton though.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Gospel 276 ~Boys Will Be Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if Braxton had any aspirations. He wanted a walk and a full tummy for sure.

The simple things and “WWBD” What would Braxton do? I couldn’t help but notice these past two months, I’ve been living more and more like him. I told you before I can’t wash his bedding. I haven’t made my bed in all that time. Does that sound gross… here’s worse. Everyone checks, now and again, to see that I’m still eating, but what about regular showers? And Indiana Gone wonders why they’re no womenfolk here. At least Braxton had his toy to “play” with. I continue living as a monk, clothed in black and prayer. The only cleaning I have done was because there was no other way around. Again I spilled root beer on my hoodie. Braxton’s dish was beginning to grow some fur.

The silence usually means something is wrong, sadly. Of course, B III and I didn’t stand for noise but without his paws running around. Sounds I once found annoying that I would kill for. To hear his breath once more, and I was there for the last one, Braxton breathed. Again it continues as the only time I hear my voice is when I’m embracing the DENIAL of his passing. The shock when I saw I am starting a new month with his treats. I’ve gotten into ASMR lately. I wonder, is it like when I would leave the radio on for B III, hmm? Speaking of or not of hmm, that’s me at the Day Job, I hardly talk anymore. Seems such a waste

Everything does, and yet I steady on. At least I wish I could tell you that… well, no, not really. I’m more like a kid again, goofing around because, as always, “A Man Provides.” Only since I don’t care about myself and B III is gone. Providing bears no meaning. Interesting thought I had yesterday. If anything, I should look after myself because I’m the last thing that Braxton saw in this world. Imagine Lu, my face, your final vision. Okay, that’s one more way I killed my best friend. B Squared must have found whatever on the side much more appealing. As for my final sight of him, I want a tattoo. Always thinking of flesh, for once my own. Boys Will Be Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

I remember those old commercials of “so easy a caveman can do it.” The first word ever spoken was probably not caveman to caveman. I can imagine it was one telling his wolf to get off the rock. I growl at people; I talked to Braxton. I Growl B Cause.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Braxton would be as well. I’m not mad, though, at least not like you now.

It’s one of the reasons we’re talking today and not Sunday. With everything happening right, you might break your keyboard. As I believe I broke the car stereo. Yes, another distraction from the empty passenger seat. In truth, it’s not like B was there that often. Still, I could commiserate with him as we both had enemies outside the car. Braxton’s would be the vet. Again and I can’t stress this enough, I’m not mad at the vets. At least I was paying for Braxton to always get better, and then… Anyway, paying those Serra fucks. Pardon my language or yours, I’m getting angry on a Tuesday, and I don’t want to imagine your rage. The worse days of the week are Wednesdays and Sundays.

Any day I brought fries back was a good day for B III. He didn’t growl because he was hungry. No, he would do it because he was greedy and his Daddy is weak. Are you as I am because I went to Mickey D’s. Just like I won’t say “Another Day,” “Life Goes On?” I’m pissed at myself, sure for my crime. The Day Job, though, and I know you’re getting it. You’re still in DENIAL with Braxton. People at the Day Job… why are you still working there. Of course, I know, which makes me hate myself even more with these past days. You know something, maybe you should make “that the prize.” If you were able to accomplish the Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 093) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Still, I am no oracle from ancient Greece. I said before I’m not Hercules. And looking in the mirror, I’ll say, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But he talks like a gentleman.” Or I wish I had, and you are hmm, with M Anime. B growled at girls, but they loved him so. Didn’t I? And that’s why I’m looking into all this stuff. I want a black pedestal for frames and candles, a trunk for all his things… another furbaby. Yet one more Republican tendency; find something to hate more than yourself. A man trying as always for these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I would say “You Are Not A Caveman” because you could be better. You could be the man Braxton thought of as Dad. How can I? I Growl B Cause

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 269 ~Braxton Spills The Beans~

It’s no secret; Braxton’s gone. I’m not hiding that I’m crazy or knowing I’m guilty. A small boy, but B III had a big bark. If he’s not too busy barking at people at the pearly gates or giving Cerberus a run for his money… “Braxton Spills The Beans.”

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Gospel 269 ~Braxton Spills The Beans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now or not. Just like Braxton didn’t tell everyone my secrets. His food was a different story…

It’s been weeks since I found any, like the “regular” parents finding their child’s Legos. Of course, his treats and meds are still on the counter. Braxton has a bag of food in the fridge. Then there’s the last opened can and his pan. Lady Luna, why bring this forward? I’ve washed his hoodie today… not by choice, mind you. In Braxton’s final days, he was sweating or wetting himself, not that I care either way. A bottle of soda changed all that. Maybe I can transfer some of the smell from his bed back onto the hoodie. Madness, insanity, perhaps? What’s the secret? I love Braxton like pancakes. But who was to know, as much as I kept him to myself all this time.

Tell that to the hackers and scammers after B left. It’s too soon for Christmas, but Hell, I woke up this morning, and I had no clue what day it was. I don’t know who I am. It’s plenty of assholes who are trying. Did I mention Amazon and my shenanigans? You’re right; I didn’t. Without Braxton’s hunger being a factor? Give me anything to serve as a distraction, which is why I’m later than usual talking to you. The Day Job is still crazy, and this week has the potential to be worse. So many people I don’t know. You’re asking me to explain why I’m here then? As I say every day, Braxton’s Life Matters, but I started talking when he again left.

I’ve dropped stuff from food to tears to his bed. I call for him to take his meds. Only not in getting some scrap of food that got away. He’s not here to flop down beside me. B III would be as mad at my schedule as I am, and instead of his bed, he would hide beneath mine, ha. He wasn’t one to keep secrets, but he would tell white lies to get an extra treat out of me. Again, while I’m way too tired, which I am this morning but shouldn’t I be enjoying it considering, well, whatever. It doesn’t matter as I ask Braxton for strength and know his loss is pain.

My worst crime and Braxton’s somewhere. Braxton Spills The Beans

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

How have I made it through seven weeks? The last time I was so busy,… well what happened. If I just went ahead and published a damn book. I know what I want to write about, but I’ve yet to turn in “GULP” two years ago. To Be Mean Time-Travel hmm

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are not. You know what your motivations say. Well, not anymore, considering your recent playlist.

You should do what has become the seven-week usual. Not meaning to be political at um 5:30 in the morning but say his name. All you need is to think back on that day, and the rest of this week should be… Hell, at least zombies don’t have worries, responsibilities. You know I tried to make it easy on you with all my time-travel. The last thing you need is what the Day Job will do to you and then a three-hour conversation. I swear that is too much time, and you know it. Especially when no one is listening. And the one who did… You don’t care to go forward and “If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time,” doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 086) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

There’s still time. One of many tools that I employed, and you see where that got me and B III.

Of all the places I think he might be, how about this for your consideration. Somewhere in another universe, there is another you and him who received a miracle. He lived. Haven’t I talked about the whole world ending in five minutes? I believe I said I don’t do that anymore. However, one of these days, you or somebody will be correct, and with Braxton gone. Well, you are seven-days into an apocalypse, walking the wasteland. Would it be better if you were frozen in place, and what about the fastest way to meet your son again. Dangerous talk, isn’t it but still, there’s much to do, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

To add even more to your plate, Camp NaNoWriMo. Besides all your Braxton memorials and the wasted clothes for the Day Job. You might try looking like a writer. Even better would be actually writing. Do you work on dusty obligations or the newest beginnings? Now that one subject has been put to bed, I know what you want to write about… B III or AHEM Bastian Barks Bennett. Isn’t it ironic that B III’s character survived fiction, but I signed his life away in reality? “You Always Hurt The One You Love,” as the song goes. Or if she happens to be pretty… Writing is your time machine—no more pretty girls… but you and Braxton. Decide where to go. To Be Mean Time-Travel

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

So what’s our goal? One of my resolutions was to see Braxton through the year… I write six things down every week, and have I ever had a clean sweep. I woke up this morning, and that was a fight. Yet next week… B Moaning Next Week

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Gospel 262 ~B Moaning Next Week~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still feel like I’m going to toss my cookies any second now. One more excuse

Indeed, no day can be worse for me than January 31, 2021. I have no right to complain, but next week is going to be bad. Why should I blame Braxton for that with all the horrors going on in the world today? People can be sick in more ways than one dear Lady Luna. B III had two good ears and was used to me going off on some political tangent. At least I pretended I was talking to him. Speaking out loud to a ball of fur makes you endearing. When he’s not here, it makes you crazy. Do I really need to go over my routines again? At least Braxton doesn’t have to endure it any longer. He’d hate the coming week.

To me, as the song goes, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” Braxton was waiting from his first day to his last, but he always had something to look forward to. It could be as simple as me getting home. Lady Luna, it’s what we want, and I took for granted, LOVE. Now I could be wrong. At least over the past week. It hasn’t been for love; I’ve been getting out of bed or getting back in. Hell, I’m taking a page from B III; the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can sleep. Everything between my bed and back is mostly filler. However, last night I had a dream or a nightmare. I saw Braxton’s treats destroyed by my mom, strewn out all over the table.

That’s not much of a dream, but I’m not living much of a life either. Next week there will be changes at the Day Job. I have more money to spend, the $1,400 stimulus. Today, might I even clean out the refrigerator with Braxton’s food… or finally, start cleaning bedding? I said before, all the responsibilities would come catching up to me. Again political rhetoric, cancel culture, like my Russian contact… I wanted Westworld. I’m not watching WWE that much, more background noise. Camp NaNoWriMo is about to start soon. Dammit, another first without Braxton here. Last week of normality. But what is normal? It’s me complaining as Braxton waits for me to be happy. I hope he is happy. I’m B Moaning Next Week

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

Hate is not normal. Unless you’re my Dad, the Day Job, The Devil… well, actually, I’m enjoying Eric Vall’s Succubus Lord series. It’s wrong, though, to feel good about anything without Braxton. Being bereft of love now? “Good Uh Normal Braxton,” nope

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but “why can’t you just be normal?” What am I saying, huh? Braxton’s been gone six weeks.

If anything, he was the closest to happiness you were ever going to get. Again not that I would know. Last night I had a “nightmare” about a car crash. As the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I wonder what B III dreamed of sometimes. It couldn’t be dying, and I’m not saying that animals don’t understand it. Braxton never lost anyone to it. You don’t remember what life was like before Braxton, but you don’t want to either. For the last week, I have kept up with a routine, well, at least until Friday. Grief has been normal but if I were to talk about, let’s say, apocalypse prep. Braxton’s gone, so the world’s ended.

You wish, don’t you? I wouldn’t blame you for curling back under the covers and falling asleep now. Denial, Depression, and demons of all shapes and sizes, even before Braxton’s death. These things were considered normal. Normal, fuck that, absolutely. Pardon the language but wouldn’t THEY say that hate isn’t normal? You hate you, right? At the moment, though, it’s the Day Job. They disturbed your moment of silence for Braxton. How about fucking up your schedule and expecting you to what, just go on? Dammit, be good, be normal, and not crazy. Should I repeat everything, you’re going to do this week yet again. Well, springing forward isn’t helping now, is it? Another first without Braxton, sigh. Now in that regard, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “My Dark Vanessa” Kate Russell
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How about failing time and time again that’s the normal state of affairs? You even asked Braxton for strength and what? Well, you did read and then spent a half-hour looking up more books. While we’re on the subject, you can’t go spending cash as I did on Saturday, ok? Like watching Songbird on Amazon Prime. I wanted to feel things other than anger for a bit. Without it, you’ll move onto Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Hell, you woke up depressed again. It’s a constant state but living in denial, that’s “the new normal” for you. As with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Braxton was a good boy, time to get on his level being a good man? Already Bargaining ain’t that right, friend. Good Uh Normal Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 255 ~This “H” For Braxton~

While my heart remains broken, you’ll be surprised what Anger can heal. Why won’t people allow me my Denial instead of driving me into Anger? Heroes don’t bury their children but their parents. My OLDS are fine, but for now. This “H” For Braxton

Saturday, March 13, 2021

Gospel 255 ~This “H” For Braxton~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can’t recognize myself anymore. Plenty of people are telling me who I am.

Hulk as in The Hulk, which I turned into yesterday morning. It seems the more I try to live in my Denial that Braxton Is Dead. People are dedicated to shoving me into Anger. Were you ever having a moment of silence, Luna and the phone rings with bad news? I’m a man of routine, and there I am saying, “Good Morning Braxton, I miss you,” and the Day Job calls telling me I’m missing work. I yelled over the phone, and less than an hour later, I’m shouting at two women at work. If B III had been here, would I have cared, hmm? Not that I’m angry at him, nor at vets. It’s starting with me and then the rest of the world.

Hunk of burning love, made into a hellish rage. The hackers, the scammers, and who else? I’m sure people aren’t joining “my” Facebook Group because I’m handsome or an incredible writer. No, my dear Braxton “IS” the cute one. He allowed me to write constantly. Still, M Anime said I have a nice smile, and she likes it when I smile. Of course, it was with a picture of Braxton. Don’t women love guys in uniform or with their kids? My hoodies don’t count, and without Braxton, I mean damn.

I don’t smile much anymore and without masks… Lady Luna, I haven’t been thinking much about women, to be honest. Dare I say I’ve become asexual at this point. The life and family I pictured, Braxton, won’t meet or love.

Hercules, I am not. Now, didn’t Hercules kill his family? Kratos did as well and wore their ashes. Well, aren’t I wearing a pendant with some of Braxton’s “remains?” Great minds, right, considering I spent yesterday night reading in the blackness. It was all about Jacob and making demon lords. I’m about to piss off many REAL parents, but have you ever heard “the smallest coffins are the heaviest to carry”? I don’t know how I did it, Lady Lu and I could never do it again; it’s too much. But that hasn’t stopped me from looking up Deer Head Chihuahuas now has it, Lu. Would I instead make myself Sisyphus or be the Hulk, a hunk, or Hercules, no.

Let me hurt rather than hate. This H For Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will