Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Tell me I didn’t say that, write that, or even choose to think. You see why I spend so much time sleeping or living vicariously through others. As the song ask, would you lie with me and just forget the world? “To Be Silently Willing.”

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but must I tell everyone? There was a time I played PCH for hours. Time better spent reading, writing, and “Lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.” Now was that a little too much? Is that somewhat an insult within honesty? Can’t I just say right now, My Love, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep much last night after working on the novel late. So yes, I’ll say STUPID things (cringes) from time to time. I suppose that music won’t be my salvation. Minnie Riperton’s musical stylings?

It’s one of the reasons I love how you’re a reader like me. It’s why I buy books for our kids all the time. I’m sure the Dæmon doesn’t mind, old man these days. I value your mind, and when we say something. Not sounding like the President but zero responsibility. Though, I’m not tossing away the music. Have I told you about the time I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding? You know I can name hundreds if not thousands of songs, Not one got me to move on the dancefloor because I was afraid SIGH. Indeed, I’ve told you my dirty little secret of actually enjoying the plague era. I’m going to miss wearing masks. Now with all of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, still facing the man in the mirror. That’s the hardest thing to do. Name something that masks prevent?

Kissing You? At this rate, I’m going to have a whole new playlist now, including Des’ree. For the record “I’ll Always Love My Mama,” and I’ve worked for a few black women I can’t stand. Anyway, kissing you is an excellent way to shut me up with everything in life. Also, my Dæmon and I like to eat. I’m not one for the holidays, but on Thanksgiving, my Mom cooks. Hell, I even have memories of E-Day steak and baked potato. Anything that keeps my mouth shut and makes me want to see the world one more day, My Love. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t get loud, but there are days like today that I can’t say anything right. I want to be like Elton John, John Legend, Bruno Mars, the guy from W.I.T.C.H. and write you a song.

Worked out well. But silence is my kindness, or “Les Fleurs.” To Be Silently Willing

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

So last week, around this time, I got 5400, and tonight there was 4300. I’m still not catching up to NaNoWriMo standards, but at least I’m not a liar when I put down 33,000 and some words total. Willing To Be Tired but not 700 words, but why not

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m not the usual Trump supporter. Let’s say for the record that I’m sorry I keep bringing up that piece of shit, which is the president. I’ve said a few times actually that he just creeps into everything daily. Speaking of which, it’s 10:50 PM right this second which means, I might be going to bed at 2:30 AM again tonight. My Lady Luna, I didn’t want to talk to you until I rectified things with NaNoWriMo from last night. Negan would say, “Today was a productive damn day.”

Okay, counting what I should have done last night (1900 Words). Also adding today’s total (2000 words) and this conversation (400). I’m only 700 short of doing a good work total of 5000. Don’t get excited, Lady Lu. I still hate Math and Language Arts. Surprisingly I continue to sound like a “Trumptard” by going against any form of knowledge.

On the other hand, those idiots will get up early to support him, and here I am, waking up at 8:30 AM. It was a struggle, I tell ya, trying to get my hair cut, go shopping, and let me repeat it… 4300 words, WHOA. But as Brandy sang about. “Almost doesn’t count.” Don’t get me started on music. Last night or the day before? Okay, how do I say this without going off the deep end of my addiction?

A “person” who said they would provide a service robbed a bunch of people. They got the sum of a million dollars. Now this person has, had, is building, hell if I know a music career. They did a song called “Lonely” which I have listened to and watched because I’m Will. I didn’t buy anything from them, but the fact I have it on Spotify and am now listening to Akon’s “Lonely.” So I went to get a haircut, which is only $10.00, but another person convinced me to get a shampoo and a scalp massage. That means I’m out of Ghost Pepper sauce for my BBQ ribs SIGH. Finally, there is an artist I have my eye on, which means I’ll be shelling out cash for Patreon, maybe. If I need anything right now, it’s a good night’s sleep, now that is funny. Not with this coming week.

But too exhausted for nightmares, Lu. Willing To Be Tired.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 139 ~Will Wants To Lie~

The more things change, the more they stay the same, let’s see, tired at 2AM. Not being the hero but rather humiliated all-day. A sleepy puppy, check. Where is his mom again? Hopefully watching another Walking Dead spinoff. Will Wants To Lie

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Gospel 139 ~Will Wants To Lie~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that means I’m a damn good liar now. Only I’m not the “Lord of War.” With the businesses I’m running, I’m never going to lie to you about that. Only I want to lie like some kid saying I’m not sleepy, but it’s after midnight. You won’t ever have to worry about lipstick on my collar unless you put it there. I’ve been in the study writing. I want to lie and say things are going well. But besides lying to NaNoWriMo about reaching my quota… I did after midnight. It wasn’t a good day.

I want to lie and say it was, though. I don’t like making people feel down on themselves. Yet with what I did then and now, it happens. Inigo Montoya puts it best with “Humiliations Galore.” That’s what happened all of today, and it sucks. Exhaustion comes fastest when you’re trying to forget everything. And I want to lie rather than tell you the story. At this rate, it’s even too late now. I want to lie and say I’m not to blame for everything, but when has that gone well for a man ever? Yeah, I messed up, ha.

Speaking of messing up and naps, when the kids lie down to sleep, I want to read them stories. You never know, maybe when they grow up, they won’t need to play Detroit: Become Human or Far Cry 5 in their heads. They lie happily.

I know that’s a curious way to put things, but I want to lie like my Dæmon. He cuddles up to my side, and there is no place else he rather be. Ok, I know this STUPID to compare you to my fur-baby but do you feel that way. Just lie here, forgetting the world. I want to lie like those men that know what to say to their wives. At the same time, I want you to be so “passionate” that I end up sleeping on the couch. There is are so much stuff that I haven’t experienced. However, having someone lie to me because they love me. Aren’t we always watching The Walking Dead series? To be more specific, The Walking Dead World Beyond. I don’t want to lie like Meat Loaf with Paradise By The Dashboard Light.

What time is it again, Love? Will Wants To Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

Last week I said that I couldn’t get 5000 words down… AHEM 5400, but it’s past midnight, and at this rate, I might as well be all Forrest Gump “since I’ve gone this far.” Man cannot live on a cup of popcorn shrimp. Don’t Stop Will Now

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and to be honest, I’m not having a good time. More Money, More Problems, as the song goes. Well, with one-word irk, “Writing.” Allow me to be a broken record in this, More Writing, More Writing. Indeed 5000 words Lady Lu. I owe you an apology Lady Lu because you see what time it is 11:45 PM. Yeah, I was having too good a time until 2:00 PM, I suppose, when I decided to start working. I’m still in the hole by about um yep another 5000 words. Only I promised.

Last night, I said I would use this weekend to catch up. If I keep up this pace? As always, I know that I can get it done if I want to. That’s like saying I can finally get My Dæmon to take his meds. I still haven’t found a sure-fire method for either being real. Now, as far as writing goes, okay, one I know I can get this done if I simply buckle down and do the damn thing. Two, I don’t know why I’m trying so hard when I know how I’ll feel with the end result. Three SIGH, I’ll pay for a NaNoWriMo shirt. Why do I want to earn it so badly? All I know is right now is that everything hurts, and if I stop for a second, I’m never going to get this done. Now that scares me because it’s like the Day Job. If you’re going through Hell, you don’t stop for anything ever. Enjoying the view?

It’s why I tried my strategy of “Build The World In Thirty Days” for once. The title could use some tuning, but in my story, I’m only going between the United States and the U.K.

So NOT around the world, and I’m definitely not saving it, not my limited “Willpower.” One of the motivations I once listened to would say you only need three words. “Whatever It Takes.” I could also add to that “Burn The Boats.” While I’m looking for inspiration, it would explain why I’ve been watching Star Trek: DS9, Pacific Rim, DBH.

Hell, I’ve even been getting into the jams of the “cult classics” ha-ha in Far Cry 5. What’s one more pop culture reference AHEM, Where The Red Fern Grows Lu. God pushed over my tree, “WRITE,” Don’t Stop Will Now.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 132 ~Will Love Ever Tire~

I’m a tired black man; that’s all I can say about today. Only it’s not like I’m a hero or anything. I’m the father of a furbaby. How I envy him and all his nap time today. I want to find him a mom, but tonight, I want to sleep. “Will Love Ever Tire?”

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Gospel 132 ~Will Love Ever Tire~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but does that make me a modern-day “superhero” hmm. First off, HELL NO, and second, you know I’ve always been one for the villains. When Iron Man and Captain America had their Civil War, you would think I’d back Tony Stark. Again no, I was all Steve Rogers. The thing is, they both never stopped trying for those they love. God, the songs popping into my head now… “Well, I won’t give up on us.” “Only a man in a funny red sheet. Looking for special things inside of me,” etc.

Now it could be the book I’m reading about Ian and Alaria. I’m still on the fourth one but the things he goes through with her. She became a robot. A man shouldn’t have to ask to be a man. Everything else they fight about with him trying to set things right in the world. Maybe it’s the idea that I hate secrets like Zorro and Elena with everything that happened between them. You don’t know how tricky it is to keep your mouth shut. Okay, I’ll rewind that, I mean to say, keeping myself from saying something incredibly stupid. I’ve been writing my book (yeah, right), and I have Bastian and Evie fighting. It’s all about the man Bastian is with his father and how he came to be. Indeed, what she is becoming to stay with her family.

Bruce Wayne spent his days alone even when he had Wonder Woman, all because of fear. He has plenty of enemies, sure. Only do you not think seeing his parents die together affected him. Well other than going all Batman? His views on relationships, yep. Superman didn’t get tired of Lois Lane but being himself. How about if he didn’t have the whole, truth, justice, American Way. Clark Kent didn’t have to save the world. Now yes, he had to go back to that indeed because what else was there for him? In the end? Of course, I have to cover the villains or close enough—the things Bill did to Beatrix. Edmond Dantes gave into everything to forget about Mercedes in his quest for revenge. V gave Evey choices, as in V For Vendetta.

I’m saying, I’m tired, but in love, always and forever. “Oh, baby I love you, just leave me the fuck alone.” Will Love Ever Tire.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 293 ~Thy Will Be Done~

Go ahead and ask me what I want right now? Eric Thomas said if you’re going to be successful, you have to be willing to give up sleep. Well 1700 words and this conversation, and it’s after midnight. Thy Will Be Done

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Log 293 ~Thy Will Be Done~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and when you are, remember to buy a posher bed, first thing. Please excuse me if I sound a bit incoherent right now. Wouldn’t that mean you’ve heard me coherent? Anyway, you can see what time it is now, and I will do better? Still, my will right, not yours seeing it’s a Friday night/Saturday morning. Now I’m not a Bible guy; it put me to sleep, but I was trying to read each and every book. My point is, when are you going to start calling the shots? If anything, who am I working for, and why am I done tonight.

Well, you have more food, a plethora of snacks to choose from? Tonight I didn’t eat dinner because I was too busy feasting on the word. You’re welcome because, by the time you’re reading this, you should be finishing The Eve of a Cherry. I’m tired because I used up all my adrenaline worrying about My Dæmon. He got one of his nails stuck in his collar. It’s been sigh months since that happened, and I have the money to take care of it. Only the timing is not ideal with the Coronavirus (COVID-19) out and about. Oh, and do yourself a favor, stay off WebMD. Okay, so I mentioned money. I spent most of the day figuring out what I was going to do with the stimulus. In the words of South Park, “And It’s Gone.” Why is living such a chore, I ask? Not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Receiving Any Warnings From Norton About Security
    Failed
  6. I AM Writing 25,000 Words, Camp NaNoWriMo “The Eve of a Cherry”
    Completed

Look at that I got one. I keep working on that story, but why don’t I stop? As one of my motivations would say, “you’ll be tired of being broke.” Eric Thomas would say you have to get tired of losing. I’m tired of being lazy, and that’s why it has passed midnight. At least it will be easier to get to sleep because I won’t be telling myself the same old video game stories. It’s been Far Cry 5 lately, and my motion sickness is coming back when I tried watching it on YouTube. Finally, I hope you’re as sick of being an addict as I am. I swear I’m not that good of a… see now I’m feeling all motivated; Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Not Receiving Any Warnings From Norton About Security
  6. I AM Writing 25,000 Words, Camp NaNoWriMo “The Eve of a Cherry”

It’s up to you, okay, to make this world your desire, Thy Will Be Done.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 260 ~Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage~

How I wish my courage had held today, all day long there were delusions of grandeur of being an “Adult Entertainment” Entrepreneur and if you think that’s “stupid” you should have seen me at the day job. Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Episode 260 ~Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage~

Seventy-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, sell-out I’ll admit Madam Justice. If you told me I could have everything I wanted, monetarily speaking if I found God, I would. Make me a member of the 1% percent. I would be more paranoid than usual I bet. Leaving to go to the day job is the definition of stupidity for courage. I’m dealing with people I hate. All on the premise that I’m getting stronger… I’ve wilted more in that place.

Much like Happiness, Love, and Life, COURAGE is something I can’t find. Only STUPIDITY much like yesterday. (The 13th Wednesday, staying ahead of this horrible week). I’m not going to lie Madam Justice. I spent all that money because I wanted to feel better. I do want to take up gaming again, and a pretty girl. Hell, most of my idiocy stems from Beautiful Girls. Yes I know I keep repeating myself. Butterfree blocked, Brazzers skeevy, and I can do worse. If I had to guess today at the day job you stood your ground as best you could. You endured a plethora of moronic moments. Still, this was you attempting to be a man. At the start of today, you asked only one thing.

I read once, that courage is sometimes a quiet voice saying I’ll try again. Only to me, sounds like my feet hitting the floor. I’m reminding myself constantly to pick up my boots and being too exhausted to remember. So I drag them along, that’s the end of Inventory. It’s lighting that match and raining down Hell on others. Enduring the fire, and sometimes it’s your pyre. How I wish I would let my face attempt to go red. Better than the other stupid stuff I do with my eyes and mouth. Madam Justice, it’s treating every girl like fucking Medusa (LANGUAGE). They can make me hard as a rock, but I will go no further. If I have learned anything, wanting HEAD from one is nothing compared to the girl for me I know.

Yes I know the story of Medusa, I was always one for the Greek myths. It beats all the vexing things I spouted. However, notice sometimes courage only means you stand while a stupid man goes places. Where do I reside… Brainbuddy? I’ll give up Fappening but porn? Let it be in others stupidity that I find what it means to be brave. No that doesn’t pan out either. Tom Bilyeu says every moment is a moment for courage. So I can attack in any direction. But I must learn at some point Madam Justice, Don’t Mistake Stupidity For Courage.

“I worship individuals for their highest possibilities as individuals and I loathe humanity for its failure to live up to these possibilities.”
— Ayn Rand (Goodreads)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

I’m not sure I did it and almost doesn’t count, but I spent nearly eight hours today surviving so that one day I might live, and what would I do with that time… I have plenty of could be classics ready to go ha. “Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.”

Monday, March 11, 2019

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

Seventy-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, in a word from Darius Rucker “Time.” In every breath, and as “THEY” always say blood, sweat, and tears. Forgoing any other bodily fluids but we’ll get to that. What about the things that make me feel alive? To be honest with you Madam Justice, death isn’t looking so bad right now but in reality. I’m only tired; as I said last week, I’m only human. Sleep is yet another addiction I’ll have to overcome, again we’ll get there.

It begins with time and how much of that am I spending on my work. Of course, I talk to my girls every day. Still on novels, news about them, nonsense that could be anything from poetry to short stories. There’s getting girls to take off their clothes. No, it wasn’t about that this morning, groaning, grinding, getting out my Fleshlight. I did Meditate, move that scale on my latest read. I even made the bed, and I’m still breathing, right. All of this to become a better “human.” Other than working up a sweat walking B III, I do feel like crying because I’m exhausted. Sadly the day has only begun, but that’s the price, and I’m so greedy.

Yesterday I made a list because I was beginning to forget all these things I’m relying on to stay. What motivated, marginalized and liking it, beats being ME. Anyway, so there’s Patreon because I wanted to look at Cosplayer boobs. Spotify because work sucks. Prime as I desired games sooner. New Brainbuddy to control my feelings towards boobs. If it’s not dollars, I again look to time. I do exercises for my mind, work that makes me want to die. FEAR though, now you wouldn’t think that being afraid and sleep would go together. No, I only see monsters when I’m awake, in the mirror.

How about when I talked about not being a thief. However, I could tell you some stories about MOTHERLESS and True Teen Babes. The way I started my porn stash. Why yes I’ve stolen things other than porn, and I’ll get more into that Wednesday. The idea is today, buying a few more hours. Begging my body to keep going, and “stealing…” well, no it’s a seven-day free trial. That’s how I’m getting by. I’m surviving, and it’s as if I have to win back my life. Somehow that price of having it to keep, Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 077 ~That’s Too Much Sauce~

It’s just too much but what am I supposed to do quit, maybe it would help if I ever got to bed at a decent hour but what are the odds of that happening anytime soon? That’s Too Much Sauce, would it hurt to have a day off

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Lesson 077 ~That’s Too Much Sauce~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and maybe then you will find a little less silence; what am I talking about, well I was a rather chatterbox, not to people but my camera and that is something. Long story short I was busy trying to cook and I decided to put it on camera, I’m still working on it now but I had to find time to sit down and talk.

You should sit down or we need to talk is never a great way to start a conversation, I’m sure we’ve been over that but neither is spending all day in bed. Burning the candle at both ends, how about burning the midnight oil, as long as I’m not burring the house down but the way things have been going… Seriously I should just step back for a little bit, it’s not like I’m letting anyone down, maybe one person on Instagram, one on Whisper, the individual isn’t that right?

“The needs of the many, outweigh…

The needs of the few.

Or the one.” Star Trek, The Wrath of Khan

I swear I was at the last of my energy, writing and my day job and now trying to do videos as well, whatever is the price of success if that is truly what I have been after all this time and what would I call too high a price? It’s not wrong is it to take a step back and try to recover, anger, fear, desire, sometimes I actually envy those people who find any sort of peace lasting longer than a few seconds. Am I trying to justify, taking a break to you, yeah you remember the last break we took and it hasn’t been three months yet and I won’t abandon you this time… do I promise?

“There’s a peace only to be found on the other side of war. If that war should come I will fight it!” First Knight (1995)

I’m going too far on one side of the line but I can’t go back to a blank slate either but then again I was pumping out 5,000 words daily when it came to my writing and that seems a Herculean task considering I was trying to make life easier. I’ll probably take tonight to think about it, or probably not but if I could just talk like I was doing today with the video and of course I will always have a respect for the written word, I can’t.

So what have I learned today besides the fact that I can’t give up being with you like this but I can’t keep up this sort of pace you know Luna That’s Too Much Sauce.

I Will Have No Fear