Who am I? Me or my father. I feel older with all of my FEARS, the fight to get out of bed. Have I found my boys a stepmom? I’ve seen photos of my future. Things that have frightened me. But finding peace. Not with Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…
Monday, June 23, 2025
Meditation 357 ~Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…~
Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… When people asked how old I was, it was because they wanted me to make cute little puppies like me. When I had cataracts…
Maybe or maybe not. You humans and your words. Not that it mattered much, Daddy.
You would always read to me anyway. Age-appropriate things you said. Bro, and yes, I just say ‘bro,’ Dad. I was older way before I turned 15. Way before I went away. But my father?
If that were the case, then who are you talking to right now? You’re old enough to consume alcohol. But you don’t usually. Old enough to be worried about credit and criminal activity; thanks, Norton. (Gives them one of my looks). You’re old enough to feel like you’re going Crazy. Yeah, if you’re going Crazy, it’s over me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, in an Aerosmith kind of way. Give me some credit, Daddy.
She finds good music, and so do I. And if it ain’t credit, it’s your paper books, bucks, and bunches of papers that you bring in from outside that scare you. Even more than the paper in my potty spot in my room. You would say the same bad S-word about that. Don’t worry, I won’t say it. You have been saying a lot of bad words for both of us. Right? Even my “future” stepmom said something like that. It’s why she wants to come and see you, Dad.
“Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I’ll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out. The problem is, I can’t tell what’s real anymore and what’s made up.”
Peeta ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
I know there are things you and she can do together that can’t match. Eww! And even V is whining about it, too. But when she’s no longer on paper. When she’s with you, Dad?
“Your love is king
Crown you in my heart.”
Sade
“You are a king.”
Elijah to Clarence, from the movie The Book of Clarence (2023)
“You’re a good man with a good heart. And it’s hard for a good man to be king.”
Black Panther
You dream of “Dear Heaven.” Is there a heaven? And is anybody there? Yes, Dad, I’m here, and I know who and what I am. You would answer, my everything. I’m your Elijah to your Clarence. Hell! I was your Barabbas sometimes. I’m your “Brother My Brother.” I’m your bodyguard, your ride-or-die, your best friend, your inspiration for two novels, and every blog post since Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day I “left,” I’m your prince, the angel on your shoulder. And always and forever, forever and always. Dad, I am your son, Braxton, B.
So, who are you to think about “Deporting” yourself to Heaven? Hell? I’d follow Daddy.
“Who Are You?” “Who Made Who?” Wisdom, Courage, Power, and Love. Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…
“If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (Novel)
“A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
― Virgil, Aeneid
1604 Days Without B III, Day 1045 of Virgil’s Arrival
Always and Forever,
Your Son