Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

The beginning of a new week and even now I don’t want to talk about it. Every word I say… at least tonight, I don’t have to bother with a poem. I’m also keeping my pants firmly buttoned, or tied, sweat pants. “Will, You Button Up”

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Gospel 041 ~Will, You Button Up~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I push buttons for a living. I have those of my characters, my customers; yours Cara mia. Funny, I should bring up Gomez Addams’s pet name for his wife. I ask you plenty of things, but today the question is, are you afraid? I know that I am. Now before I burst into a rendition of that’s all I ask of you, I have some demands. I would do Anything for Love, but I will not be made a fool of. My Love, you must have courage. What I am learning again is this. I will not beg.

You want to know what scares me? One day I’m going to return home and have to ring my own freaking doorbell. Baby girl, you know my views on cursing. Anyway, the point is I think someday you’ll go and change the locks on me and I don’t know why. It might be some other guy hell some girl than is buttoning up, my kids for school. The idea that my family might be taken away from me well. You’ve seen me with my Firstborn, and you know what I would do to protect every little hair on his head. It horrifies me, the thought of something happening to you, Baby Doll. Ask any friend, ask my father, who I hope you’ll never meet. When I say the word “always,” I mean it. Sticking with my musical motif, I would fight, lie, walk the wire, and die for you. Should I shut-up or button up?

One of my heroes, Dennis Hof, he talked about being “mother fucked.” Pardon my language, but what he said was that when a person betrayed him, they stopped existing. What if you asked me to give up my dreams? To send it all crashing down at the push of a button? My Love if with this life I did it “My Way,” I would never button my pants again. There is no way I would leave this bed being with you. Didn’t one of The Beatles pull that off? Which brings me to today or indeed last night. One more friend gone, blocked, deleted, gone. When I dared to speak of it, somebody else disappeared. Will I be a man of courage or a hard man to know? Will you say, “Will, You Button Up?”

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 034 ~Will Hits New Lowe’s~

Last night, yet again different woman, same situation as in me, saying something I shouldn’t have. My kid and I hate sudden loud noises, but everyone seems to hate anything I have to say. “Will Hits New Lowe’s,” how do I soundproof my life?

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Gospel 034 ~Will Hits New Lowe’s~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we have our home with our own private beach. We also have a house out in the woods with a crystal blue lake out front. Now keeping in mind that I can’t swim. You also know how I am about feet. There’s also the fact that while I don’t hate sand, like Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader. I only tolerate it… Okay, let me start over because I’m putting my foot in my mouth. Let’s talk about something like household repair, hmm.

Yeah, what would I know about that? I’m only looking to make noise, I guess. Much like my writing, I’m more about looking the part. I need a decent pair of work boots because I’m sure I’ll do a lot of stomping around, running away. Hell, one will end up in my ass. Excuse my language, Baby Doll, me and my big mouth, and that’s my problem. Last night I talked about never lying to you. There are things I don’t want to tell you. No matter what, though, I always end up hurting you, even texting. Might as well have a clean phone. As the song goes, Love Is An Open Door, yet I need more of them and locks. What, am I trying to find someplace to hide from you Love? Like the horror movies I love, the monster gets the girl or the hero, and I’m not sure which I am on any given day. I’m trying to build us a home.

One more reason I’m a billionaire, so I can pay someone else to do it. I’m sure I could use a paintbrush only don’t hold me to that. Christian Grey’s playroom shone red, but with ours, I want to “Paint It, Black.” The only time I don’t worry about words, albeit a safeword. You know how “chains and whips excite me” well, us isn’t that right, Baby Girl. The things I want to learn for both of us. I can’t change a tire; I know a little bit about changing the oil. I’m nobody when it comes to plumbing… in a house. I love my firstborn like pancakes, but I couldn’t build a doghouse. I’m no farmer, but with things as of now, I’m going to have to learn more than growing black roses too.

Not avoiding you Love but talking Will Hits New Lowe’s.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 027 ~Will Manages Mattress Madness~

Are you going to ask me up, does a lady have to ask twice, I swear for Charlotte Lewis my behind would have been on the plane to Tibet but as Eddie Murphy asked, is that a bed, so where’s my bed? Will Manages Mattress Madness

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Gospel 027 ~Will Manages Mattress Madness~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so does that mean I sleep more or less? Baby Doll I am not the type of man that has to be coerced, enticed, or seduced to end up in bed. I’m like Chandler to Kee; Jim to Aurora or well… better not to name that particular movie duo, but sexy.

Of course, let me start off by saying if you don’t know these characters um, why did we get married? As for that third movie, the words “Take Me To Bed” have never been so (cue Homer Drool). Let’s just say it’s Indigo Prophecy (Lucas and Tiffany) to cover my behind. So is it the fact that I have to hold secrets that are keeping me up nightly? I wish I could say I am contemplating the mysteries of the cosmos. Is it that our bed is so bad? Hell having you by my side would mean I’m buying the best bed ever. I told someone before it’s a lot easier staying up until four in the morning than waking up then and there. Only I have to be better Baby Girl, I know, we got kids, and my firstborn is starting to get annoyed.

Maybe it’s the idea that I am living the dream. Every night I’m lost to my writing, not reading mind you. Editing is the worst part of the game, even after a successful Camp NaNoWriMo run. The ideas keep pouring in for more stories and more scenes. A man that lives his life in bedrooms sometimes and you know I don’t mean it like that. It’s more like I forget to sleep. Only then, when I do get to bed, then what. You’re not helping to look at me like that. I’m living the dream. Who has time to sleep?

I remember the Day Job and walking around like a zombie. If someone is going to say, I look tired. It might as well be because I’m doing something I love. Not working my fingers to the bone and passing out. Only to regret three hours of missed opportunities. I shouldn’t be taking anything to bed, other than you, a happy puppy, and a clear head. Clear Eyes, Full Bra, Can’t Lose… yeah, no binge-watching Wynonna Earp I know. My motivations say it never ends, becoming a champion or loving someone. Will Manages Mattress Madness.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

I’m not going to make a good husband overnight, hell I’m not even much of a good man, more like a frat boy, or a kid that’s had the house to himself for a few years. So how am I ever going to get some angel? Will Is Sky High.

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Gospel 020 ~Will Is Sky High~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can promise you it won’t be for dancing. Let me go ahead and tell you, I’ll never stop using song lyrics daily. Who knows, you might get me on the dancefloor someday. For now, though, as the song goes, So if I hold you in my arms, I won’t dance. What can I say, baby girl? I still quite enjoy our Saturday morning listening sessions in bed. Only the thing I want to talk about is getting up and about and during the plague era, well easier than done?

For example, as I began, I am a billionaire, and so are you. I’ve said this before, but I’ll stop buying the cheapest sneakers that get soaked in the grass every morning. You know when I’m walking the kid. The fanciest shoes I own, I bought for my best HUMAN friend’s wedding. I’ll also remember what pants size I wear. Not trying to sound like a little boy, but I go to work, the store, and hopefully the movies. When I win an AEE award, I’ll still be wearing a pair of jeans. Now how did I dress on our wedding day? Okay, before I go all pop culture geek. I’m still going to get lost in books, both writing, and reading. I have plenty of games on my phone, and I do get distracted. Well, I did do five thousand words today for Camp NaNoWriMo, so that is something.

Speaking of which, I’ll start buying more shirts that aren’t branded with NaNoWriMo. Yes, I’m pretty proud of being a part of that. I buy you plenty of stuff, but you’re so beautiful I can’t help myself, and it could be worse… shoes (shudders). I want to have control of my health for you and the kids. I swear I’ve been meaning to see a dentist. Did I mention how much I like masks? Not funny, yeah, because I want to see some zombies. Lastly, I want to be able to tell you things, to speak out loud. People find my writing confusing, but my silence every day, for some reason, is scary. You’re not scared, are you, My Love? I’m not comparing you to a summer’s day exactly, but as I say, I love my little boy like pancakes. I love you like Star Wars. Will Is Sky High.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 013 ~He Willie Loves You~

They say diamonds are forever, what about books? I got mad at someone and gave them a piece of mind… on my way to 100,000 words. Someone else got around 50,000. The woman I’ll marry, though? Sing it with me, “A NeverEnding Story.” He Willie Loves You

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Gospel 013 ~He Willie Loves You~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now because I refuse to think otherwise. As is my love for you. If that’s the case, though, why am I still so afraid of losing it, of losing you. The past few weeks, I’ve been hurting over some loss friends… please hear me out. When people leave me, there’s no grouping of my sins, no I’m giving up on you, not even goodbye. So here I am writing the things I needed to say. When I stop, though, I mean there are no more words, links, or when I forget to check for days on end. Writers both fear and relish these two words, “The End.”

“I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity.” – Geoffrey Chaucer – A Knight’s Tale

I’ve told you that writing is my dream and you are too, My Love. Only you’re here, you’re mine and novel-writing, well the words keep coming. My motivations might say you have to love the pain, a writer sits and bleeds upon the page. One day though, let’s assume the current subject matter will fall away, and they’ll be something more. You’ve watched me become one with the music, a slave to the work, a man of silence. I always say this, I’m a hard man to know. That’s one more reason I write and like smart girls, not that you should spend your life learning about me. So that’s a lie because I want to know everything about you. They say that if women came with instructions, no man would read it. Instead, Baby Girl, I choose to write it every day I can.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” – 500 Days of Summer

It’s not about the money I know, but I want to write the checks and read the bills. Our kids had a library before they even knew how to spell their names. I see my firstborn with his little beard and his every hair turning gray being read to. I look upon all the love letters and poems that I wrote to you. No, you didn’t throw them away, laugh, or use them in a court case at some point, I wonder. You read my book and see those words The End or hell To Be Continued, and you ask how many words will it take? With one, it might take 50,000 thank you, NaNoWriMo. Another might take double or triple. You, My Love, are the song on repeat, my new dream. You, My Baby Doll, will be my never-ending story. He Willie Loves You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 006 ~Look Ma, No Wills~

And this ladies and gentlemen will explain why I create playlists and listen to audiobooks on a road trip. Because you don’t want to be stuck listening to me, but better yet, can we stay home? Look Ma, No Wills

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Gospel 006 ~Look Ma, No Wills~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how do I keep it together from one dollar to the next? In my businesses for once, I’m running towards and not away from. Yet with so much beauty in the world, you take my breath away. My Love how I wish I could come up with something like the song or the movie line, “You Make Me Better,” or “As Good As It Gets.” For now, though, all I want to do is shut-up. We both know the next words out of my mouth will be more songs and films. Also, the things I want to say to you is as always pretty confusing.

It’s like riding a unicycle. Hell, I would prefer that to a walk on eggshells or broken glass. My life has been spent trying not to say the wrong thing. Along with that, I get bombarded by people asking me or telling me I have to speak. Next thing you know, I’m BELITTLED, BLOCKED, or behind BARS. The things I say in our bedroom at times, what must you think of me, baby girl? I’m sure it was worse when we first met. Which should I be more ashamed of, hmm? I never learned how to ride my bike, and yet I wanted to be one of the Biker Boyz. How about the fact that I didn’t know the first thing about talking to you? Somehow I learned. Better men have sung, I’ll Do It For You and if you ever did want that motorcycle-riding bad boy, well My Love.

I would be glad to be the man who can fix a flat tire for you for now. To have such big dreams and it’s the simple things like breathing that I find so difficult. It’s being the focus of anyone. That’s what you are to me, and here’s another song, “you are my fire, the one desire.” You married me, gave me a family, and a home, and I dare to ask even more. To listen, to hear, to understand. Well, I know I don’t make that easy baby doll. I keep on rolling along, not knowing if we’re lost, how fast I’m going, what’s going to make me stop. When I stop talking, though, what do I expect, will you know me any better. How I hope every day; Look Ma, No Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

I can’t say I have much experience, meeting a girl’s parents, and after all, I’m still in mourning over one mom. At my Day Job, it’s nothing but “Yes Ma’am” and “No Ma’am.” You would think I have creative pet names. “No Ma’am, That’s Will.”

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I never want to say, “no Ma’am” ever again. I don’t want to say yes Ma’am or Sir, either. Do I sound, disrespectful, delusional, or dumb? When I first met you, what did I say? Was I smooth like Luther Vandross. “Excuse me miss, but what’s your name?” I’m not as young Tevin Campbell was when he sang, “Can we talk for a minute, Girl I want to know your name.” Now shall I get all poetic with William Shakespeare, and what not?

You see My Love and don’t I call you that often enough? Anyway, my mother raised a gentleman with somewhat mixed results. It’s not that I want to be disrespectful to women or my elders, no let them keep all that. One more reason I got out of retail. Now, of course, with the business I’m in, I call women all sorts of things, but I never forget. You Baby Girl, and I know some people consider that title creepy like Baby Doll and the like. Hell, one of my best friends, I call her Honey Bunny. I wonder, does she remember when I introduced her to Pulp Fiction? Ringo/Pumpkin and Yolanda/Honey Bunny. What was I saying about being a gentleman again? A gentleman shouldn’t bring up other women or kiss and tell. I never did that with “The Nine.” As with you and me, though, I’m still not sharing.

Okay, so I’m learning to love my name again. If anything, I love hearing it come from your lips. I could talk about a few other names, but that’s more of a Thursday thing. Again if I ever start scheduling “relations,” feel free to shoot me. However, if you wanted to make a cute pet name for me like Shelby from Girlfriend Reviews for her boyfriend. I would be all for that. What about teaching the kids how to address people? Why can’t they all be like My Firstborn? I’m a Southern Man and as always one for tradition. Not Confederate history, but I mean manners. So yeah, yes sir, no sir, Ma’am or Ms., Please and Thank You. I know Baby Girl, I don’t like dealing with most people. I’m sure our children will have friends calling me Mr. at some point, I’m sure.

I’m a man, lover, friend, daddy, No Ma’am, That’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 358 ~Will Schedule You In~

Do you think there’s some woman out there thinking she’s going to change my life forever? For the worse, maybe, but aren’t I the same? One day though, I won’t be the guy in the mask, plain or ski. I’ve never worn a fedora either. Will Schedule You In

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Log 358 ~Will Schedule You In~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what time did it happen? When is the best time to become a father? As much of traditionalist as I am, I’m not one for dinner at 6:00 PM. I don’t want to be someone working a nine to five. With my aspirations, I want to play for twelve hours. You ask me about our family, though. At present, I wake up at 4:00 AM ever morning. Yeah, I’ll offer Dr. Eric Thomas my apologies because 3:00 AM kills me. Hell Baby Girl, if I ever become one to schedule when we make love, feel free to shoot me. Wanting you is an all the time thing; you know me.

One of those other things you know, though, is I’m a stickler for time. When it comes to us, though, well, there’s this thing called forever. I look at our children and being a writer and all, should I say always. At this very moment, I see my firstborn, and still, I haven’t seen his every little hair turn gray. He has a beard, but he’s only growing up. That’s what I’m still trying to do My Love. There are twenty-four hours in each of our days. Only I want to give you more time every minute, every hour, every day. Dare some call this obsession, but why not? I gave a whole week to my depression, and yes, I’m still not over it, I’m afraid to say. Why do I stay up so late? Didn’t someone say, don’t go to bed angry? I’ve talked about having twenty seconds of insane courage as the movie goes. In exchange, I want to offer you a lifetime of happiness, my baby doll.

Only nobody can schedule the hurt… well, a certain kind of hurt mind you. I don’t know the next time I’m going to be afraid. What about the next friend that will send me into a spiral-like last week? I’m becoming a bit like Captain Hook and his fear of clocks. I might even understand how some Christians talk about God’s good all the time. You are My Goddess. As another song goes, I only think of you on Two Occasions. Of course, those are called Night and Day. I never planned on being scary like with you know who. I didn’t plan on loving you, wifey, but one day I said to myself, My Love, Will Schedule You In.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

I am a hard man to know but an easy one to say no to. If my wife tells me she rather not know, I’d understand because every woman before her and the way I live… let’s just say plenty wish they never met me, and to my wife. “Someday WILL Meet, Again.”

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

Log 351 ~Someday WILL Meet Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still stress over losing one dollar. For the Love of Money as the song goes. For the Love of You, and then there’s my vision. It’s hard sometimes to remember where every dollar goes, which was the first. I can always share my dream. From when I was a little boy, lying in my aunt’s room, writing out words. I ran to her when I was done and asked, “what have I wrote?” “It’s your name,” my aunt replied. Hell from looking at my mother’s Victoria Secret catalogs. To searching Ayeka and Ryoko, and having a Hentai filled binder.

Your love, though, baby girl… for the life of me, I haven’t a clue how I found you. I can’t imagine what I’d do without you. So here I am, Stuck In The Middle With You. Yeah, I can’t promise I’ll stop with the music, you know how I’ve felt since Saturday. Don’t be jealous. It’s a different love, and you know how I long for my dream, my work, not talking about the Day Job. I’ve told you before, I’m not STUPID (shudders) enough to forget our anniversary. Um, your birthday, Valentine’s, Mother’s Day.

I’m only wracking my brain trying to remember the exact moment we met, why I didn’t scare you off. We can’t ignore the fact that I’m a black man living in America. Not blaming My “Blackness.” The way I’ve screwed up with other women is with my utter STUPIDITY. All my fault, including the following:

  1. The D ― Poetry. Gave it to her
  2. Sweetness ― Poetry and built a blog
  3. The Harmonic War ― The Harm of a Cookie
  4. All That Jazz ― A note on her car
  5. Basic Bitch ― SKEEVY concepts on her blog
  6. Rainbow Girl ― Pokémon and Crazy Town’s “Butterfly”
  7. Okay ― Keep My Hands To Myself…
  8. Cherry ― Poetry and a whole novel
  9. MILF Dos ― Offered her money, said Hello

What am I trying to do, give you a reason to leave? I want to be the man you married, which is the best version of myself I’ve ever been. All I know right now is since Saturday, I have been reminded of the worse. “But, darling, Stay With Me.” You’re here now, no beginning and no end. I needn’t say, Someday WILL Meet Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

I was telling a doctor once that he should work on his bedside manner, told my kid’s vet the same thing, but life has come out of many a bed as well right. Still, I’m usually too busy talking or working. “Write Side Of Will.”

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Log 344 ~Write Side Of Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means a big bed. Of course, I think of this for several reasons, but when it comes to our children and us? When it comes to my firstborn, you know he’s pretty much like Cyrus from The Warriors. “Because it’s all our turf!” Little Toughie.

So let me start by asking what side of the bed do you sleep on? Did I have to ask you the first time you and me… Anyway, it’s like back when I had my HORRID Day Job. If I slept on my back, it meant I had work in the morning. On my belly, I could relax. Lying here, if I jumped to the right, it was going to be a bad day; to my left, there was time. With that being said, I sleep on the left side, I suppose. All I know is that I want to be touching you. Does that make me sound romantic or obsessed? You would insist I was both, and that’s why I love you. I’m not like Asa Jackson from Too Late by Colleen Hoover. He loves when Sloan sleeps on her belly naked. I’m not an over the top control freak. Okay, usually, I do have ideas, non-decorative bedroom concepts.

I don’t fancy myself as disagreeable. The one that always has to be right. Of course, as you know, I don’t like being STUPID. I left that far behind me at the last “Day Job,” I’ll ever have. Would I rather be right or happy, and again can’t we have both? Hell, in my line of work, give me joy, jubilation, and as the song goes, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. I do, however, wish to talk like a gentleman, except for maybe in the bedroom. You must be asking, have I been getting enough sleep these days.

Well, I am sleeping with you babe so… Yeah, there is no getting around the problems in our country. To state in plain, a black man, a white woman, but we make it work, don’t we. To play another song, “we all the same color when you turn out the lights.” Besides my manuscript and music, my mouth runs a bit too much when we should be resting. How about doing other things as well. I love you so, on the Write Side Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear