Tag: Alone

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

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Love Hurts? A song that I’ve never liked but rings true. Since I’m never happy with it. I’m always hungry in one way or another for it. And effing horny. Well, except when I’m mourning my son. For 161 days. And to hurt anyone else. “To B Hurt Virgil”

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I will never be hurt again. Oh, sure, I’ll claim victimhood like a Republican.

“I believe I can see the future,” as the song goes. Do rich people have time machines? I still want my Braxton back but damn. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, I keep telling myself today. Today is Sunday, March 19, 2023. Time Travel! But today, Trump is supposed to be arrested. Is anyone hurt? And who? If anything, the pain has become my constant, my love. Hell! Am I becoming like M Anime? Before Braxton died, I can’t say I was ever at 100% at any time. It was more of a “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” Does my singing help, or does it hurt your ears? My ass is kicked thinking about my “Lost Boy.” Always Braxton.

Remember when it was only these ears hurting me? Saying “I love you,” always, forever? Braxton couldn’t speak such a thing. But he was the only man I ever listened to. Talk about “love is louder.” What’s with all the pop culture references today? Well, I did climb out of bed to talk to you instead of watching whatever and being lazy. My eyes hurt. Better than talking about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oops! I should be looking for medicine. But love, you don’t know how badly I want some. Uh, sexual healing. Or some tacos. The doctor said I should cut out the spicy. But yesterday… yeah

After I was done reading, of course. In a “Study,” not a Man Cave. Braxton’s Mausoleum? Dammit, with all our money, you know I would build one. Failing to save Braxton? Hurting that never goes away. But what about you and me? I can save us. I can fix this. I can save you… Not a day goes by that I don’t think I should have joined my B in death. But you, our children, there’s even Little Virgil upstairs waiting. I don’t know what for. Love? My love. A sadist? Yes, I am, my love. But I take no pleasure from the pains I know. Braxton has known for fifteen years. But always and forever love. I’m just a sucker for pain. One more song. To B Hurt Virgil

779 Days Without B III, Day 220 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

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I’ve always given examples of how I know Braxton loves me. One I miss the most is him sitting at the corner of the bed, watching the door. Loving anybody else. The things I do. But I prefer the Word always to love. Always here. Virgil, B, A Word

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Saga 256 ~Virgil, B, A Word~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And for the love of money or rather why I love money, and you, B, family…

You know that song “More Than Words?” The most romantic way to ask for a blowjob. Whoa! Sorry about that. But I didn’t mention the other B-word, did I? Braxton? Sunday to Tuesday, and every other day that ends in “Y,” time travel. So we’ll always come back to him. I want to talk about “You and me – always – and forever.” What about How Long Will I Love You? And again, More Than Words? Showing you. Well, the words are still there, Baby Girl. All the I love yous and such. You know how I feel about those words. Even though I mean them with everything I am. Will they keep us together? You’re here, and that’s enough. I’m still here. Always, forever…

And so is my Braxton? You have to understand. The one that couldn’t speak a word was also the one that loved me the most. Or at least I hope he still does. Braxton’s, wherever. My Olds might have said the words, “I love you” at some point. My Ma, in particular, I believe. Only it wasn’t the words. It was the fact that they kept up my existence here. Good or bad, the reality is there weren’t only words. There was action from them. Even if I regret it now. Honestly, my love letter to the world would be to never speak, Baby Doll. Everything I said to Braxton when I should have followed him, like taking a walk. Fucking darker than I intended.

Well, today is Sunday. I don’t feel too good at the moment. I’m scared right now. If I’m being honest. And not only because it’s the series finale of The Last of Us. Children, right? Our kids need me, us for sure. And that’s not me being some asshole, Republican. Fucktards screaming about family values. There are all types of families. As long as there’s love. Even if it’s not in so many words. I want them to always know that I do love them. I love them like pancakes, as I always said about B. Really pouring the Bisquick. Yep, into the love of my life. And we made them. So I love you, them, myself, Braxton, the world. Virgil? Virgil, B, A Word

772 Days Without B III, Day 213 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

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So when did I know… love? When I told him to get in the car? Standing between me and my father, fangs ready to protect me. His guard post on the corner of the bed. And how did he know? With his aunt, he knew he loved her easily. “Virgil Loves That B”

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But my love, at the end of the day, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Still?

No! You would never be so cruel to think it. But to love is to understand. Or at least try. Right now trying to understand why the tears are falling from my eyes. Time travel? Today’s Monday, March 6, 2023. It’s day 765 without B III. You know where I am… There’s no leaving Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yet I couldn’t tell you the day I met my firstborn. There’s no telling the day that it became Braxton and me against the world. Hmm. We could even debate his birthday. But I go with Sunday, February 13, 2005. The day Braxton died, though. I’m like Finnegan Bell from 1998’s Great Expectations, heart and all. Only from all the books I actually read. Well, love…

I’ve been trying to figure out how Braxton knows love. Again I can’t remember the happy days. Yet I remember when Triple B fell in love with his Aunt Carolina. It involved him going all Triple X, X-rated… whoa not that far. Ha-ha. She let him climb all over her. The next thing I knew, he was in love. Or he really liked her boobs. My son the dog; like father like son, ha-ha. I can’t recall when he fell for fries. Particularly McDonald’s. “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” Especially when he started getting older. And he always had that choice of going for a walk or waiting for fries. It could have been that he only wanted to be near me, always and forever.

Working the old Day Job… well, that was fucked up. Hell! I think Virgil understands how I “felt” about that place. Virgil understands? But what about love? Let’s try stairs. Anyway, Braxton didn’t love saying goodbye. Yes, more tears. To think he has that in common with Virgil. Now even with Braxton’s last day. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Those mornings imagining the former Day Job, Virgil will howl and cry for a while. Honestly, my love. Me and those boys, we don’t say goodbyes too well. Nope. Never. Only how do we say hello? I suppose I could crawl all over you. B III, and I know boobs. I could stop running away. We could sit here together, love. Virgil Loves That B

765 Days Without B III, Day 206 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

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Black History. I’m a black man, and “This Is America.” Thinking I can make a change. A family of my own? I don’t know my nephews. Or two half-brothers. And I was the best man I could be for Braxton. But some doggie or woman… To B Healthy Virgil.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means annual checkups, insurance, and staying the fuck out of Florida. But then again, Disney.

I may not have a healthy relationship with my Olds. But tradition. I want to take our kids to Disney World, Universal… Uh, what else is there again? I don’t want to think about it. Isn’t that the thing, love? I always told myself there would be time for Braxton. Living for my son; when he was the one living for me. Because what have I done for 758 Days? Existing. And yes, this is something I should be sharing with a therapist. Doggie, Wife? I should dig my hole a bit deeper. If I dare compare you, the love of my life, with Braxton. Love, my love. If it wasn’t for my firstborn, I don’t know if I could ever say I know love.

Because I didn’t go to the doctor yesterday for me. I still wake up every day not wanting to. I close my eyes with dreams to never open them again. Something else to discuss, right? Instead, I told the Doc what was going on. And she said that no, that’s not it. My sore ass. They shot me up with some antibiotics. And I got a prescription for the drugs I took after The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. A week’s worth for The Cherry Collision. I’m upset about that. What! That I got a week’s supply. Or the fact that I cared to get well. Being a husband, a father, and having the freeloader to feed. I swear I’ll stop calling Virgil Vivi that at some point. But today, love…

It’s not killing him. Been there and done that with Braxton. As for myself. Breathing. Yesterday the Doc said I need to drink more water, and I’m trying to keep it up for the week. Until I run through my course of meds anyway. B wouldn’t want this, I know. People in Hell want ice water but isn’t the Ninth Circle all ice? Treachery, Betrayal? Braxton, again, he kept me alive so that I could find you. So that I could give the love I should have been giving him to you, our family, even saving little V. But indifference? It’s what killed Braxton, and I could understand it killing me as well, for sure. It’s what I deserve. Existing living? To B Healthy Virgil

758 Days Without B III, Day 199 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

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Not my best work, but Will Smith has had moments like that… I wish I could say I spent all day watching Collateral Beauty. Or something more educational like The 1619 Project. But what I’ve been watching and doing so late. “Not A B-Movie Virgil”

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Will Smith isn’t… 350 Million and other things on the internet wasting my time today.

Death. Or rather looking it up, which begins with life. This means Braxton Barks Bradford. Don’t worry; I’m not suicidal… okay, that’s a lie; I usually am. But as Morgan Freeman spoke in Lean On Me, I’m not one to do things “Expeditiously.” Or, as the Beatles sang, “living is easy with eyes closed.” For me, that would mean sleeping. Practice for the big sleep, my love. And didn’t I want to talk about Collateral Beauty tonight? Will Smith and the like. If anything, I have been focusing on reasons for existing all day today. Any and all to Endure and Survive. Hell! The Last of Us is the only thing I’ve been watching, love. More death? I haven’t been to the doctor, have I?

Love? I can’t say I have ever loved myself. Here comes another movie reference. From Ben-Hur, “we keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.” I continue to exist because there is always someone that needs me… That’s not healthy, is it? But as I was telling M Anime. If love is not needed and can be tossed. Then it wasn’t love at all. I think. I couldn’t ask Braxton to stay, but I couldn’t save him either. Then marriage and family. Can I ask you to stay? Can I save you? All you need is love. But what’s left of me? Every day it’s like I’m watching the most horrible movie ever. It’s not Collateral Beauty. It’s “Welcome to My Life”

Time to look up songs and all this other stuff. Do you see what time it is? 7:30 PM. Fuck! Speaking of which. I’ve had time to look up all the porn in the universe because I don’t deserve anything real. What I wouldn’t give to sit on the loveseat with B and his aunt. Yes, love, we can do that too. Plus, there’s the bonus of the fact that I’m trying to make love. That would be time well spent, don’t you think? But the things that take my time nowadays. How I have the termite guy coming over at some point? I do need the house to hide in; well, we do. Talking about Love, Death, Time, Collateral Beauty. Not A B-Movie Virgil.

751 Days Without B III, Day 192 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

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Not all lovey-dovey, but my first love… no ifs, ands, or buts. B III, without question. A life that I love as it won’t be mine own. And yet I continue to imagine it. Triple B was supposed to be a part of it but the years. I hate Math. 2V Minus B III.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still want more. Don’t get me wrong. I hate Math now, like in school.

Hell! There was a week at the old Day Job where I made “around” $26.00. And having a billion now? I don’t know if either would have been enough to save my true love. Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but if I didn’t love you the other 364 days of the year, as always. Yes, I talk about my son B every day of the year. Well, make that two since B III died. Three considering he died thirteen days short of his sixteenth birthday. He’d be eighteen now. And I haven’t thought of chocolate, chrysanthemums, or cute jewelry, either, my love. There is a fantasy I have of fucking you wearing nothing but a crucifix or The Heart of The Ocean from Titanic.

Of course, making love to you, sex, or fucking, makes me the typical guy? Being your lover, your husband, your best friend… And, of course, we’re back to Braxton Barks… Eww! Am I right? I never understood how people were into that sort of pornography. Anyway, I know I must protect Braxton when I think of any chocolate. Yeah, poisonous. Chrysanthemums, Roses, and all kinds of flowers only make me think of Braxton in the yard. And as far as jewelry? Why haven’t I bought something to honor Braxton? Silver, Gold? How about today, being for diamonds? I love you. I’m trying not to burst into song but no promises. Only what did I promise you? I vowed, I swore. Till death? And without Braxton…

I didn’t mention hearts. And mine’s been broken going on 744 days. Losing my one. Honestly, I’m afraid that could cost me everything, and I don’t want it to, my love. I’m trying. But there’s a fur baby alone in Braxton’s room. The distance between you and me continues to grow. Fuck! You have no idea how hard that was. Four good songs, my love. If I can keep that promise, why can’t I add back what I lost? All the money in the world. Happy Valentine’s Day! I can give you a day. Then your birthday, anniversary, our kids. This is just one more day I’ve screwed up. Another negative. Three little words. I love you. But always and forever. 2V Minus B III

744 Days Without B III, Day 185 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

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Gushing, oozing, leaking… not that. I mean talking to B III and a little to his aunt. Hell! She didn’t call the cops. But it’s like I might explode or more like overflow. Drown in tears last week; fake happiness next week. B’s B-Day. “Y B V Gushes”

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now; how much is an apology nowadays? I should be gushing, oozing, and leaking apologies. Too sexual?

And after everything that went down last week. My mood stunk, but at least I don’t anymore. Um, don’t count your chickens? Only the “clinical” deodorant seems to be working. And at least I’m not spending cash on OnlyFans and such. Or other porn, right? If anything, I need to be spending money on the dogs… I will never not count B III in this. This is sort of a balancing week. Last week was when Braxton left the world. Next week will be when he comes into it. Or at least that’s what I have decided. February 13, always. I never believed I’d find love. No Valentine’s Day for me. The 13th… close enough. Somehow I found you. But to wrap up, “I’m Sorry?”

I wish those words could come rushing out of my mouth. Truthful? No. Worthy? Uh-uh. I do mean me, not you. Another reason we aren’t making the bedsprings sing… Seriously, “What’s My Age Again?” But I’m not bursting into song, either. Too busy “B.” A lie. Again I wish I could be all about Braxton this week. It Should have been last week, too, ha. But only one thing might burst soon because either way you look at it, I’m looking at the good ole days. Oh, and what do I call this? My family, my love, our children. Love. Everything is about love or, rather, sex. Should I start spouting out my philosophy too? This week isn’t about that. Losing love and having love.

Last week to the week after this. I didn’t want to talk to you. And I’m not sure B hears. But the moaning and groaning that comes out of me as I take “pornographic passions.” Maitland Ward? Still sort of does it for me sometimes, but I haven’t been looking at her… yeah. Still upset? Anyway, you and Braxton are kind of like my Topanga and Shawn. “How great is this? My favorite person in the world. And my wife.” From Girl Meets World remember. Sometimes I might want to ask myself; is that why I’ve been watching all this cheating, family breaking up, Hentai. I can’t talk about that to you, B, and definitely not V. It’s like I’m overflowing with, I don’t know what. Y B V Gushes

737 Days Without B III, Day 178 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

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E-Day. That’s the second worse day of existence. Um, Thanksgiving. But nowhere near as big when Braxton was here. And possibly New Year’s. But next week this day is a holiday. A memorial. Only I’m not alone, but I want to be. Virgil’s Holiday From B.

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” Free me from Hate? Horniness? Happiness?

Um, it got my B a trip to Heaven or wherever. It’s this time next week I’ll Hate the most. A permanent vacation. A holiday away from me. And I’m sure you can relate, love. Reason number whatever we’re talking about today, Monday, January 23, 2023. It feels like I’m working the old Day Job all over again. Tomorrow I rather not be bothered. Next week? I don’t hate my family, ever. It’s not Virgil either though he’s becoming a brat. As I said so many times, it’s not veterinarians, old age, or even the disease that took my boy. “I choose me, and I know that’s selfish love.” Yes, more music. You know, I still need to pick a song on Spotify. Twenty-Four days.

But there are some things you can’t get away from, you know. Another song, love? Fucking Enrique Iglesias “You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love.” Loving someone never takes a holiday but liking them… Whatever and I going to do with Virgil? I’m ashamed that this time has crept up on me and when next week rolls around, love… When was the last time I cried for Braxton? These might be my first tears for today. Come the 31st; I want to eat barbeque and watch dog movies. Even Spontaneous, sadly. Hell! I did read “A Dog’s Journey.” So I could watch the film now. (Cringes). Uncomfortably? I remember the book, that was all kinds of… Who cares; Braxton’s dead.

Always the worse pain imaginable. There’s no escape, and no, I can’t give it a rest. But I know you would never say that. And crazy? Well, knowing V ain’t B. I’ve been reading up on animal communicators. I could try and find one and see what happens. I could see where Virgil stands vet-wise. When I went to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding, I boarded B III for a few days. It couldn’t hurt to send Virgil away for two days to honor my son. Would that be honoring Braxton? And what about our family? I’m not going out for smokes. The 31st of all days. When I’ll be the most alone. I want to be. Anywhere but being loved and happy. Virgil’s Holiday From B

723 Days Without B III, Day 164 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

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What am I doing today? Of course, a conservation today, walking my kid, cleaning up for Existence Day as if I might have company. No, I will have company if I take a chance but first comes faith. The Plan Will Work

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it would be a miracle. Joe Biden said that no miracle is coming, at least not from on high. Now what have I said about listening to white men about everything… America right? Anyway, while I disagree with some of Morgan Freeman’s views on race. I remember his words in the film Bruce Almighty. Be the miracle. I crawled out of bed before 8:00 AM. Took my Dæmon for walkies. I have been cleaning for three days straight. Then we have next week; Existence Day.

I don’t have any arrangements, Lady Luna. Hell, I have more of an idea of what I’m doing tomorrow than Existence Day. I should also add that my little sister’s “Emergence Day” is the day after my own. Am I comparing my sister to the Locusts from Gears of War? Funny that one of my Existence Days would take place in a hospital, well, of course, didn’t the first one ha, ha. I’ve always talked about if terminators existed, I would send one through time. Is there a chance that I could go all “Looper?” Keeping up movie-wise, hmm? I would be glad if you were dear Lady Lu. I’ve been thinking about something, well since last night; delusions of grandeur as they may be. Again, me and my pride to be a ladies’ man, a businessman, right. Staying Alive?

There are two girls, one hinting at reconciliation, another I shouldn’t mention now. I have two days to figure something out. Indeed, only today. Both mothers and would have no time, and yet I’m here. I shouldn’t be wasting my time, but I know the truth of all this, Lu. I don’t want to spend Existence Day alone. Now the other side of the coin, I don’t want to shut the door entirely, and of course, I need the Day Job. Sure, I have my Dæmon. I expect to hear from Indiana Gone. Yet, I won’t even tell M. Anime. Like I’ll see her Yabbos. Somehow though, I have this idea about MILF Tres, aka Special K, and she who will not be named. OKAY won’t say anything, and I want to cut my phone off because I don’t want to hear from my Olds.

I’m Lord Give Me A Sign. I need to hear better men. Man In The Mirror… The Plan Will Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

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Full pockets, pants fall off, that is surely going in the rule book, no women and the brink of starvation and I might just stay out of trouble but then again men always find a way and another rule, I’m Will, There’s A Way. “A Little Ahead Moneywise.”

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, only this is not Dirty Diana’s day, I have more sexual secrets that I’m not quite ready to admit to, and I’m choosing to remain somewhat PG today, but I’m cleaning out my closet slightly, fetishes. Now I have never catered to a gold digger but yes a fool and his money are soon parted and how many girls can I blame for that, let’s get started?

“We’ll buy it; we’ll kill you about it, we’ll beg you for it, we’ll lie about it, and at the end of the day, we’ll lay down our lives for it!” Steve Harvey, Family Feud

My absolute favorite porn actress of all time has to be “Mia Rose,” call her an obsession, call it stalking, but I found out she worked for a “certain group” some years back and I got close to booking some time with her on “my day.” I also found out she had an Amazon Wish List… the days before “Patreon” and spent over two hundred bucks, on things for her birthday that then got lost, fortunately, I got my money back from Amazon. Now what was I expecting, this woman has had a hell of a career in the adult entertainment industry and now gaming, did I believe I could get her pants off… I mean just her and me?

Those that don’t learn from history right… “here I go again on my own” as the song goes but the latest girl, I would say is more obtainable, and I didn’t buy her pretty things because I was just trying to get her panties off, cheapskate. She and I are real friends, and before I got into buying her new undies, I bought her books; what it worked for the Beast didn’t it, but then again we’ve never seen Belle with her clothes off *cough* “Enchanted Bikinis” *cough* “Yandy” yeah.

If it isn’t treating actual women like living dolls how about a boy and his toys; would you like to guess? Once before “my day” I spent over three hundred dollars on a toy chest of stuff, I’m talking orifices, VR videos, lube and everything; what’s sadder paying for toys or paying some woman? The things men will do for sex, even now I erased “my day” from Facebook, but I always forget to delete it from the such and such forum and get a bunch of girls asking me to come celebrate in Nevada.

Forgive me Inspector Echo for having less sense, cents, and scents, love is in the air, it’s almost Spring isn’t it, but here I am using valuable movie points to go to the theater alone and hard-earned dollars for a fashion sense I can’t honestly enjoy; A Little Ahead Moneywise.

I Will Have No Fear