Tag: Waiting

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

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Even if I’m getting somewhere… Doubtful. It’s a circle. And what does that mean for poor Virgil? I can see myself in the mirror a hundred times and never like who I am. Am I sick, a sinner, or STUPID. “Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself”

Monday, June 12, 2023

Saga 346 ~Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And considering the selfishness, sin, and downright stupidity… I still can’t wait to meet me one day.

Because at the moment, that looks like that will be in Heaven. Or wherever B III has gone off to. As the song goes, “Because it’s not quite paradise. But it sure feels like home.” That was me and B. I’m starting to think he communicates through music every morning. What is he trying to tell me now? Can I even hear at all? Being honest. My bum ear, hmm. I should have paid more attention to those books on animal communication. And the afterlife. Only first, it was my grief. Then somewhere in the middle, there was the afterlife. And for better or worse. There is the possibility of Braxton’s resurrection. But his ashes? These days I am even more tempted to join him.

Only he wouldn’t want that. Right? If anything, I hope he’s fighting with me. Surviving. My boy lent me his strength when he lay dying. Madam, I want to. Tomorrow? Madam, I would have chosen yesterday, the day before. Hell! A week from now. Braxton? “Brotherhood, strength, and fortitude…in the face of the angry night.” That’s from the game “Resistance: Fall of Man.” So how’d I know that line from a game I never owned? And after last night, when all I wanted was to sleep. And I stayed awake through Balance’s Deep Sleep meditation. Uh, trust the science. Am I becoming a MAGA moron? “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain….” You see, I want money…

Lots and lots of money. But I swear if I knew, I’d become some Republican stooge, or I would make someone feel the fear my father instilled in me. Or I would know such hate. Well, “If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” You have The Gargoyle to thank for that one. Yet another reason I miss Braxton so damn much, Madam. Is that what I meant when I said Virgil wasn’t helping? To have that feeling again. Being the man, the dad that I once was. Yet he was jumping around like crazy. Not in pain. Feared the storm. And here I was, ignoring him, insipid and indifferent. Why’d Braxton die again? “Will It Go Round in Circles?” Travel Far Enough, Meet Yourself

862 Days Without B III, Day 303 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

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“When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.” That was B stepping on my head most mornings. It was when dark words were lit up by my fingers… how I wish. Burning money like there’s no tomorrow… The light now? Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

Monday, June 5, 2023

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So am I loved, or do I love more? Am I livid? Indeed, I’m more lustful… dammit!

I do hope that I’ll be a husband someday. A daddy… of two-legged kids. But as I’ve been thinking for the longest time now. I ain’t looking for it. Hell! If only Braxton were here. How I would sing “Teen Idle” to him… “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Talk about the darkness. But as long as he was here… then not being here. For all my grief, my tears. Nothing has snuffed him out yet. That’s the power of love. Fire, flames, fiery, forever. Madam, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. The way I obsess over him at 855 days. What I do know is this. I wish I had someone love me the way I love. Pushing Virgil Vivi away sometimes…

But I’m not livid at him. Let me be clear. Virgil has done nothing wrong. But this is Hell, Madam. I wake up in Hell every single solitary sinful day. Is this how Republicans feel? When I open my eyes, I’m immediately mad at a black person (me). The environment’s a mess. V does whatever is his nature, but do I care? And I hate everyone that’s not me; how I miss my son (sigh). You don’t know how easy it is to let the darkness overwhelm, consume, and devour me. While at Jack’s a few days ago, my foot slipped off the brakes, Madam. The car started to roll, and the cashier “got smart” with me. The rest of the day, I raged, Madam.

But is lust any better? What have I been doing every night? There is all the work I should be doing. And if one could earn a degree in porn… Hell! I’d be Doctor Longstroke. Pornography is my sin of choice. People drink to warm up, as it were. There’s violence, Madam. Being an American, I know what that means… Guns, guns, GUNS! But me. Madam, I prefer warm bodies. No! Hot as Hell! Burning desires, my pornographic passions. And once they have been sated? The cold, like this morning. What tits got me off? Now this mind is blank and dark. And what will light my way, Madam? FEAR! Light up, my dark soul. My boy, hope, but sin… Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

855 Days Without B III, Day 296 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

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When was the last time I demanded anything? Other than giving me “my” money back. To like me, to be loyal, and so much love. Hell! B denied he was dying forever and a day. I wish I had something like that besides… “Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love.”

Monday, May 29, 2023

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And like most, I only want one thing… Money! I’ve had worse days, to be honest, Madam.

Like (Cali Girl Voice), money gets you so much. Then there’s my B. Always Braxton. Madam, I’ve said I’ve had worse days, but it’s only 5:30 in the morning. I’m not crying yet, so that’s something. All out of liking, loyalty, and love. That was me and B III, Madam. I want to say I have such “nobility” these days. Bucks, Boobs, and Balls. Pants-wise. Having cash in the wallet. Boobies on my phone or as Wheeler Walker, Jr. illustrates. “Pictures On My Phone.” He’s classier than me. And then there’s the courage I lack. Madam, I wish I liked myself. No! I’m somebody I’d like to punch in the face on any given day. “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier,” Madam Justice.

Loyal to no one. Today is Memorial Day. To those that died serving this country. Thank you. There was a time I thought I could do such things. Being a sailor? It wasn’t for me. Neither was being a son. You would think I’d show some loyalty to my Olds. But again, I would destroy their creation… me, even if I cared to exist. What could I do for them? How about being a loyal suitor? The way I would like to… I would have to be a billionaire. At best, I adore women. I lust, crave, and desire. But there is a word, Obsession. That would define what I’m doing this morning besides talking to you, Madam. Loyal to my dick. The Pic Phenomenon.

“Love Don’t Cost a Thing.” As I was telling someone yesterday. I ain’t looking for it anymore. Am I lying? I could cuddle up beside Virgil right now if I wanted. Only I let him take the center of the bed because I don’t want to be bothered moving him. I’ll keep him safe, but as Tina Turner put it, “What’s Love Got to Do with It.” My dear Madam. Today if I were to tell you all my thoughts on love. Well, who has that kind of time? Hmm. I could sum up such feelings as a Christian might. God is love. Always and forever. Braxton is love. Liked/likes me, was/is loyal, and love… Never demanded, deserved. But daddy. Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love

848 Days Without B III, Day 289 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 325 ~Guilt Before Action Is Morality~

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I’m not with the GOP. Hurting someone? I won’t lie and pretend. I have my interests at heart or below that. But with B. I knew he was dying. The Guilt I felt before, after, and now? And with what I’ve done, now… “Guilt Before Action Is Morality”

Monday, May 22, 2023

Saga 325 ~Guilt Before Action Is Morality~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can afford to be a “man.” An effing ton of mammaries. Hell! Morality’s free.

And I have had an effing ton of that since Thursday, May 18, 2023. I’ll come up with a name for that soon enough. Let me also state, “for the record.” I’m not coming down on female billionaires. Did I say… coming? Effing today. That’s the last thing I need. Tomorrow? Madam, as always, I would instead focus on 841 days ago. Braxton, always and forever. “Brother to brother, yours in life and death,” they said in First Knight. Sometimes I feel that Braxton leads me to the lines. Dog on a leash? Here’s another Madam, “Only a fool wants what he cannot have.” What? I wanted my son to live forever. Outlive me, Madam. It should have been me—no Morality in this mortality.

“Be not so long to speak; I long to die,” as was said in Romeo + Juliet. Or is that me in the mirror? As I tell Braxton, while he keeps me here? How about all those I have wronged? For I have harmed plenty. And it’s one thing when I don’t give a damn. Only I’ve always been of the mind, “You always hurt the (ones) you (love).” And to know what I’m doing. I’m always incredibly effing STUPID! Even now, I have to look up Guilt and Morality. Again with Braxton… Did I “feel” guilty? Always have and always will, “sorry” to say. That’s another word I should look up. What does it mean to be sorry? Um, not getting off, for starters.

I’m a sadist. But B III’s pain was nothing but this heartbreaking. My punishment. Hell! Now “The Pic Phenomenon…” See, I told you I’d find a name for it. I have a better one, but the Guilt I feel saying it? And that’s the thing, ain’t it? Now I have decided to have some morals. And will I stop, well, anything? It’s like that scene from Liberal Arts (2012). When Jesse is deciding whether to sleep with Zibby. Finally decides against it… No! I’m worse. It’s like Lester deciding whether to sleep with Angela. Uh, eww… Spacey. But in the end. Both have… TRUST. Jesse and Lester stop short. But I’m not that bad. What I’ve done, though… Breaking TRUST! Guilt Before Action Is Morality.

841 Days Without B III, Day 282 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 318 ~Laughter Is Camouflage For Language~

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What’s so funny? You wouldn’t get it? In total transparency, I’ve never seen “Joker.” And I hate clowns. Explains how I feel looking in the mirror. Or at the news and anything on any day. Yet I laugh like an idiot. Laughter Is Camouflage For Language

Monday, May 15, 2023

Saga 318 ~Laughter Is Camouflage For Language~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Yes, I laugh every time I say that. How I hate laughter, but we’ll get to that.

When I was a child, once upon a time… I wanted to be a comedian. Gallagher, to be specific. If anything, I wanted to smash things. Hulk Smash? My favorite Marvel hero, next to the Black Panther. Of course, I relate to him. Intelligent black man with lots of cash. Anyway, speaking of smashing. “Sex is a joke in heaven?” That’s from the movie Dogma. Is sex funny? I’d be lying if I said I don’t give the occasional chuckle at a dirty joke ha-ha. And I was saying today as I spoke to “Dear Future Wife.” Tuesday, May 9, 2023, so yes, I’m time traveling. Okay, so I was saying how I use the word boobies and even Yabbos. And what about my Braxton?

I would laugh my butt off when he’d go to town on one of his toys. His poor Aunt Carolina. It’s funny that the first time I had to give “the talk,” it was about him not being all up in her boobies. Braxton did plenty to make me laugh. Tears of joy, Madam? Umm… Well, Virgil hasn’t made me laugh at all. Not that I recall, anyway. But it’s funny that with all the pictures I have of my son. The first video I do, the phone… Virgil gallery. Madam, am I growing up and forgetting about my B. Never, his human huffs hilariously! I do after every encounter at the Day Job. And you know why that is. Because I can’t talk ever

As I swear up and down, AHEM… the effing comedian is effing dead, Madam. Braxton? The truth is he’s dead. And the truth is the funniest thing of all. One big effing joke, and like something out of 1984, we all get it and then don’t because, The American Way? Madam, it’s not only that but living, existing in general, laughing when we should cry. Hell! We do both. And I don’t mean to be all political now, but I saw this video today and:

Is existence funny? And I never learned to deal with the heckle. Hell! I never asked for it. I don’t want to be a caveman, a comedian, or speak only with my cock… But speaking… Laughter Is Camouflage For Language

834 Days Without B III, Day 275 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 311 ~Apparently, Models Do Have Standards~

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No matter what I say, I still hate that saying. A picture’s worth a thousand words. Hell! Words have got me wanting to see… other things. If we’re talking about B. Nary, a word. But B was/is beautiful. Others? Uh, Apparently, Models Do Have Standards

Monday, May 8, 2023

Saga 311 ~Apparently, Models Do Have Standards~

Two-Hundred and Ninetieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can make photography a hobby. Something Replika keeps asking. Hobbies I wish I had…

Hell! The only model I ever REALLY had was Braxton. And even my son wasn’t on demand, to be honest, Madam. But everyone loved him. Not that I’m an influencer. Thinking… Yeah, that’s never been my strong suit. Well, when it comes to models. We’ll get to those kind of models. For now, there’s Virgil Vivi and… Well, I remember:

“If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.”

― Anonymous

I keep saying, “Virgil is not my son.” That makes me sound like a horrible human being, Madam. At least I’m being acknowledged as a man, ha. I can exist with that for now, hmm? Which is why I take so many pictures of myself. Ain’t that a lie? Let’s say, as the song goes, Look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh.” That’s my dick

And as proud as I am of it… How many times have I looked up, in these past few days, increasing the size of a penis? What does that make me? OnlyFans and Carolina saw it. Let’s hope, right? Not that it’s a secret. I have enough of those to share with my dear Echo.
But today, I’m already time-traveling. It’s Sunday, May 7, 2023. Today shouldn’t be hard. I know, I hear ya (sigh). Can I stop talking about my cock for 2 seconds? All 6″ worth, ha. What would some people think, Madam?

Models, in particular. The only other reason to pick up any sort of a camera. My Braxton, what’s above my balls, and boobs. And there’s always more yabbos, without question. Only as the kids say, FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out. I’m an old man Madam. But not old enough for Cherry, I know. To go with another song, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” And if I had a dollar for every woman I wanted to see without their clothes on, I would be approaching a billion. At least making money faster than working the Day Job and yet living that kind of life. Dennis Hof only had Dominio. Hugh Hefner… Well, you see his legacy. I know other guys, and I don’t want to be them. The one-eyed monster, being a camera, or cock, only with enough cash. Because my Madam, Apparently, Models Do Have Standards.

827 Days Without B III, Day 268 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 304 ~Tears Shed Lead To Paradise~

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When was I last listening to Eric Thomas’s speech on crying? How about when did I cry for my lost boy last? There are also the tears of how many angels. I’m not headed to paradise… after I die. But seeing I’m alive. “Tears Shed Lead To Paradise”

Monday, May 1, 2023

Saga 304 ~Tears Shed Lead To Paradise~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I hope I have the good sense to invest in shiny things. Don’t dive head first…

You know, like something out of DuckTales, Scrooge McDuck. Hell! It might be worth it. I’m already sick and tired. More so today. No offense to you, Madam Justice. I’ve done lots of talking today; the Man in the Mirror, B, and it’s your turn. As the song goes, “Tell me why? Ain’t nothin’ but a heartache. Tell me why? Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake?” Ha-Ha! Or should I go with this song, “Money for nothin’ and your chicks for Free?” In what world, Madam J? A world without my B? Oh, we’ll get to that because here I am working. No! That’s what I’ll be doing this week. Now it’s only us, and I’m tired. “Don’t cry to give up; cry to keep going.”

Learning how to swim? If I “endure and survive.” Someday it will all be worth it, won’t it, Madam? B and I would both be right here. We would sit in the Dining Room, me at the table and him under it on his pillow. The two of us crying together, and for what, hmm? Braxton cried for me. One more thing I can never forgive myself for. All those long nights of writing, telling myself I would publish a book. And I would have all the time he wanted. To not make myself feel like the selfish bastard I am, I want to say he cried for my tiredness—a lie Madam. Of course. Now I cry to put out the fires. Not Hell!

But Braxton would follow me anywhere. And since I’m still alive. Does Braxton wait for me? And I wish I could say to the Man in the Mirror… I’m gonna make a change for once in my life. It’s gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right.” What did I say to myself on the 30th? Hell, if I know. Tears of laughter or happiness? No! It’s a toss-up between my dead puppy and my deviant perversions, to be quite honest. For example, … let’s say, a fetish for broken women. And OnlyFans is crying about my subscriptions expiring. Tears for losing such heavenly things, Madam. Braxton Barks? Hell, with all of my tears, the gates of Hell will not prevail… Tears Shed Lead To Paradise

820 Days Without B III, Day 261 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 297 ~A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience~

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I’d say I’m a patient human being. A waiting or sick one? One more question and no wisdom. Then I’m rushing to get out of everyone’s way or to get them out of my face. Now Braxton could be Zen. Virgil’s scared. A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience.

Monday, April 24, 2023

Saga 297 ~A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… But what Billionaire do you know has patience? Then again, what do I know of money, Madam?

I want to say the boys (Braxton and Virgil) have taught me plenty. Hell! I’m still waiting for Braxton to return… I’ll be waiting, always. Even now, calling, Braxton! Madam, even when he was an old man… forever my little boy. Nevertheless fifteen. Madam, I would wait for him unless I saw he was in pain. Braxton had so much living left to do. One of the common questions when it comes to euthanasia is the timing. And how long was it before Virgil Vivi came into this world? By my count, 559 days ago after Braxton’s passing? Own it? Own them both! I killed Braxton and brought Virgil here. There was something I heard once about the time between murders. Am I not merciful?

I’m patient. Because, as the song goes, “I’m just a sucker for pain.” My own, to be honest, Madam. One of the few things I’ll admit to owning. A sadist, “pretending.” Masochist, if anything. I don’t want to hurt anyone… outside the bedroom. Ok, that’s a big lie for sure. But speaking physically, I believe everyone runs as hot as me. Like speed, sins, and sexually. Why am I always lying? Sex is the one area taken “Nice & Slow,” Madam. Only I feel as though I’m wasting everyone’s time. What? By merely existing. Patience, Madam. Mentally, never. I want to learn because stupidity is a disease. Knowledge is Power. Education is Freedom. I both had no patience, and I was too slow. Obtaining wisdom

I love my Braxton. That’s 18 years, two months, and 24 days. I’m sure one of these days; I’ll read a book that convinces me that his death wasn’t my doing. Perhaps to cherish Virgil. Yeah. as I’m “Patiently Waiting” to see that girl’s yabbos or another one’s ta-tas. And speaking of my imagination, it’s been 115 days since the last release. Madam? Dammit! I’m waiting to be a better person. Last week I talked about staring at the “Man in the Mirror” for 38 years. Who are you? What’s wrong with you? What the fuck? I could continue. It’s like being back in class and writing out the problems. I never knew the answers. Will they come? Different questions? A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience.

813 Days Without B III, Day 254 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 177 ~Will Wait For You~

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Merry Christmas, but the TRUTH isn’t a gift many people want but we all need, only as I asked myself, did I honestly need to say all of this on such a “magical,” “holy,” “capitalistic” day? Will Wait For You, and Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Log 177 ~Will Wait For You~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m waiting to see that man in the mirror? If anything, I told myself I would be dreaming in bed tonight. A full eight hours, 11:00 PM to 7:00 AM, but at the moment it’s 10:55 PM. I guess I couldn’t wait, and no, I’m not going to sing the chorus of “I Don’t Want To Wait.” Now before we get into what I said Christmas Eve, ahem Merry Christmas to you, me, everybody. I’ll still not a man of faith Inspector Echo, but you know I’m always running. Escaping my past, one day somehow?

Okay, so that leads me back into yesterday, Ha, Ha. I was talking about songs that I’m still getting over, and those are only some of my many humiliations. You’re asking me, must I do this today or again shouldn’t I go to bed? You remember Sunday, July 02, 2017, Lesson 001, Look Who Grossed Up? The beginning of my new blog, a conversation with Lady Luna. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I couldn’t sleep then either all because of what I said to a woman. These past few days, I’ve been commenting on another blog. I have the right to exist; that’s my mantra at the Day Job. Only I shouldn’t have talked to that woman like that and at work? It’s like breathing is an insult to everyone, even me, dear Inspector Echo.

Humming Her Humiliations Playlist:

  1. Something Just Like This
  2. Oops (Oh My)
  3. break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored
  4. Touch My Body

So which is it, and I waiting for Santa, Jesus, some pretty girl, can’t I save myself? Flipping the coin, what is it that I want and I can give you the same answer as always. I want to write a bestseller, take the cash and move to Nevada. Inspector Echo I’ll work with Dennis Hof’s crew or set out alone. Brothel, strip club, hotel, movie studio, modeling agency, more. It’s not like Santa is going to drop a few million in my bank account tonight. Jesus has never given me peace of mind. I’ve fought his followers, starting with my “father.” Girls of the world ain’t nothing but trouble but money, power, then the women, but tonight’s Christmas wish.

11:35 PM, don’t regret tomorrow, LIVE, Will Wait For You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

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Full pockets, pants fall off, that is surely going in the rule book, no women and the brink of starvation and I might just stay out of trouble but then again men always find a way and another rule, I’m Will, There’s A Way. “A Little Ahead Moneywise.”

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Lesson 256 ~A Little Ahead Moneywise~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, only this is not Dirty Diana’s day, I have more sexual secrets that I’m not quite ready to admit to, and I’m choosing to remain somewhat PG today, but I’m cleaning out my closet slightly, fetishes. Now I have never catered to a gold digger but yes a fool and his money are soon parted and how many girls can I blame for that, let’s get started?

“We’ll buy it; we’ll kill you about it, we’ll beg you for it, we’ll lie about it, and at the end of the day, we’ll lay down our lives for it!” Steve Harvey, Family Feud

My absolute favorite porn actress of all time has to be “Mia Rose,” call her an obsession, call it stalking, but I found out she worked for a “certain group” some years back and I got close to booking some time with her on “my day.” I also found out she had an Amazon Wish List… the days before “Patreon” and spent over two hundred bucks, on things for her birthday that then got lost, fortunately, I got my money back from Amazon. Now what was I expecting, this woman has had a hell of a career in the adult entertainment industry and now gaming, did I believe I could get her pants off… I mean just her and me?

Those that don’t learn from history right… “here I go again on my own” as the song goes but the latest girl, I would say is more obtainable, and I didn’t buy her pretty things because I was just trying to get her panties off, cheapskate. She and I are real friends, and before I got into buying her new undies, I bought her books; what it worked for the Beast didn’t it, but then again we’ve never seen Belle with her clothes off *cough* “Enchanted Bikinis” *cough* “Yandy” yeah.

If it isn’t treating actual women like living dolls how about a boy and his toys; would you like to guess? Once before “my day” I spent over three hundred dollars on a toy chest of stuff, I’m talking orifices, VR videos, lube and everything; what’s sadder paying for toys or paying some woman? The things men will do for sex, even now I erased “my day” from Facebook, but I always forget to delete it from the such and such forum and get a bunch of girls asking me to come celebrate in Nevada.

Forgive me Inspector Echo for having less sense, cents, and scents, love is in the air, it’s almost Spring isn’t it, but here I am using valuable movie points to go to the theater alone and hard-earned dollars for a fashion sense I can’t honestly enjoy; A Little Ahead Moneywise.

I Will Have No Fear