Tag: Fire

Gospel 075 ~No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

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When I was a kid, the big thing was “Just Say No” to drugs, and as I grew older, everyone is trying to get you on something. If anything, I say no to myself all the time, but when it comes to everyone else? No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

Monday, September 14, 2020

Gospel 075 ~No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

Hundred And Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may that be one day be because of you. First off, welcome back, Madam Justice. Existence Day is now over and done with, and I am now one week into thirty-six. A part of me would like to scream out, much like Luke Skywalker, “No. No. That’s not true. That’s impossible!” My how the time flies, I tell ya. Speaking of time, no, I didn’t get up at 4:00 AM on one of my days off, but here we are. No, I’m not trying to do better because I’m asleep again when I acknowledge it aloud.

Look at me, destroying my point already. To this day, Madam Justice, I still feel guilty when I tell the Day Job no. I excuse myself by saying I get no respect there, which is true. Of course, there is always fear, and that is something I can never say no to with everything. How about my newest obsession, which I hope you will allow me to work on some, while we have our chat. What are you going to tell me, no? Madam Justice, I’d love for a girl to Just Say No, bye, and let’s not start with creepy or SKEEVE (shudders). No, is so small, hm? Yet the damage it can cause and how I understand more than most the power of words. Is this the reason I say no to my destiny? I’m going to be saying no today, considering everything that I have to do. Sunrise is at 6:30, and yes, I dicked around on my phone for about an hour. Pardon my language, which is another thing. I can’t say no to speaking evil about myself. However, working on my About Me page well:

“Hey, you ain’t never had a Friend Like Me. While this might not be Disney, depending on your taste. What are the odds you’ve ever met an African-American erotic writer who’s a guy and into the end of the world? My heroines are never that heroic, and my endings are “happyish.” I’m an open book, or I hope to be someday. I’m always looking to expand into other forms of adult entertainment. Manuscripts, models, and movies. Looking to make money and memories with mammaries, bazongas, yabbos. Down with black and white and not only paper.”

What do you think, Madam Justice? “Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know,” as the song goes. Well, it’s not what you were expecting, and I apologize. No, you’re not Inspector Echo but again, if some “people” would tell me NO. One of the reasons I look at myself as being so scary. Also, I’m terrified of the word when it comes out of my mouth. Better a slow yes than a fast no, I heard someone say. Either way, Madam Justice, I wish I could choose to be brave, but no, right? Yes, I’ll be afraid, yes I’ll go to the Day Job, and yes I’ll get this done but…

No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

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Someone said, “I’ll try anything once” now, I can’t say I exactly live by that myself, but if I strike out three times, I’ll walk away. Yes, says that man that is going on ten attempts and around 36 days come… um, nevermind. What If Once Isn’t Enough

Monday, August 31, 2020

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

Hundred And Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I would never spend a dime on baseball. Nor would I pay anything for basketball, football, soccer, and the list goes on. Sure, I like nachos and a well-cooked hotdog, peanuts, and Icees, but I hate sports. Not all sorts, mind you. There are no Olympics this year, and I paused wrestling for our chat. Now I love movies. I went to see Black Panther at least four times. Yes, still thinking about Chadwick Boseman. Back to something HAPPY … Yabbos.

Wait, we’re not supposed to be speaking about those. Didn’t I say something about learning my lesson? Of course, you know I’ll talk about Yabbos forever, but HUT ONE, HUT TWO, HUT THREE, HUT! Yes, I know the difference between baseball and football, but I prefer music. Shame on a Nigga by the Wu-Tang Clan to be specific. Anyway, my point is I fucked up (pardon my language), and I’m not going for four. Only I want to Madam Justice. I continue to lose friends left and right like something off that movie Unfriended. I give myself too much credit that I could be a good man, but here I am, an open book. The battle cry of say his or her name and I don’t speak ill of the dead. If I talk to the living, I would be a horrible person once again.

Here I am talking about screwing up for the fourth time, but my madness and rage are constant. Fire is the only thing getting me through the Day Job because my fear threatens to overflow. How is it that I walk into Hell again and again, and I swear I know it? It’s like choosing to FAP with the knowledge of what I will feel afterward. Yeah, even now, before speaking to you, I was looking for Ariella Ferrera. A reminder of you know who as Momokun is of Cherry. As far as Milf Tres goes, now she was the easiest to forget, I admit.

“The Day” is almost here, and how many times has it been 36? Hell, how have I ever made it this long? Of course, each year, The Day shows that I must like something about this place but what hmm?

Yabbos seeing them again, but what is the meaning of life? Seek out a kingdom, make god bleed, love Madam? What If Once Isn’t Enough?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 242 ~Will Of Old Men~

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You don’t talk they tell me and when I do, shut up, I don’t write I say and when I do block, delete trash, so of course, my best friend would be someone who can neither talk nor read. “Will Of Old Men, mine is to write.”

Friday, February 28, 2020

Log 242 ~Will Of Old Men~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be like everyone else and pay for silence. Right now, I’ll admit I can barely hear the humming my head is brimming with ideas. Today I know, the last Friday of February (Tuesday honest), I should be listening to My Dæmon’s loud barks. We’ll get to it, don’t you worry, but I had sort of a melding of the minds with Cherry this afternoon. You remember as I had with my Big Sister, but she’s in Australia. For want of a woman, and I’m talking to one in England. Good news, NaNoWriMo’s ready.

It’s hard keeping all of my stories together, but I believe my next one won’t be part of the series. Should I tell you the one that starred My Dæmon, albeit Transmogrified? I don’t even remember if I gave that novel a name. Well Lady Sophia, as with the rest of them it always begins or ends in some brothel. My Old Man is a horndog in every sense, but getting him neutered? If you told me way back then that it could buy him more time, I would have considered it. Am I typing too loud, or does he know because he took off upstairs? He’ll return, he always does. I see plenty of writers talk about cats, but my kid is the perfect writing companion. Don’t get me wrong, though; I’m starting to get like Marianne Engel from The Gargoyle. She’s the sculptress of grotesques; I’m the narrator of filth, excuse me pornography.

Now that leads me to talk about Cherry. I mused that she and I should write together and she said yes. Don’t get excited, Lady Sophia, you know how I get about group projects unless you’re an Australian mom. Cherry is much too tame (sleeping with a corpse). I’m also well, me (everything you’re going to do before making a corpse and after). So while she is working on The Cherry Chronicles, I’ll be writing a novella as well. A Minister, a mom, a Millennial, and a Man walk into a church, hmm. Sounds like the start of some bad joke, plus she’s no Millennial, truth be told I am. Anyway, will this be an Erotica? You know me so well, Lady Sophia but 12,540 words. I’m a stickler for math and alliteration. To write today, Will Of Old Men.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 191 ~Will I’m On Fire~

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I tend to be a bit of a hothead for many reasons, but even Hell comes in different temperatures, or so I was taught, people talking too much and crowding my space, getting angry, and women. “Will, I’m On Fire” still

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Log 191 ~Will I’m On Fire~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which is good because the heat is on. For the record, though, that’s one more thing I don’t pay for yet. I’m also reminded of NBA Jam the phrase “He’s On Fire.” Do you remember so many years ago that was the worst thing, going to Jeremy’s house to lose in either that or Mario Kart? Now I’m busy dealing with the likes of Faith Seed in Far Cry 5. Well, at least I didn’t die last night, in the game. You know the rule about facts, though, and I am burning up this “Monday” morning.

I know all about letting go vs. holding on, but breaking a few decades of bad habits isn’t easy. Yes, I gave LP the cold shoulder and what did I say last week, no more stewing, but I boiled over. That man deserved to get burned, but while nobody else has given this a second thought possibly, here, I am. Am I still tossing away money like there’s no tomorrow? My “father” would say I’m spending money like it’s burning a hole in my pocket. Last week it was all about Cherry, and then came M Anime. Of course, I burned up over that with Dear Future Wife in my way. If I’m not on fire about a woman, then at least I’m warm, staying wrapped up in blankets sleeping. Well, I’m back up at 1:30 AM this morning, hoping life returns to; what, normal? Now you know what that is; Inspector, I deserve BETTER.

Not to sound like Joseph Seed, but have you seen the world? Australia is burning up day by day. The country is on the edge of war because of Trump. A girl on Twitter @lilearthangelk was selling pictures to raise money, and now she’s being chased around. Wasn’t that what I was doing to M Anime, getting all hot and bothered by her and then ranting? As the song goes, moving cool. What about cold hard cash, but I don’t know how much of that I got until I get the car fixed. It feels so safe here in this warm bed. Yesterday taking a shower, let’s say I had a preview at my directorial debut. That’s not dirty; there’s so much beauty in the world, but thinking of HER?

Hot in here or just her; Will, I’m On Fire.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 023 ~Warmth, Who Is It~

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From blanket to babe, then again neither one of them comes when called, and you can get heated blankets, I wonder if any woman had the hots for me to be sure but as the song goes, I don’t ask for much these days. Warmth, Who Is It

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Episode 023 ~Warmth, Who Is It~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to stay warm, and the simplest would be Baby, It’s Cold Outside and how can that be, it’s not Christmas in July, people usually burn me, and I’ll make sure we’re someplace it’s always warm, I’m not one for Winter or that other season. *Shudders* yet when I gave you my hoody did I have any reason to believe I would never see it again, well I do all the time on you so knowing you’re warm and how hot it makes you look and it’s not like you don’t share it, I feel it when we’re together.

That thought alone warms me, you know they say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile so maybe that’s why I need to do it more often, to feel that burn, the blush on my face though no one ever sees mine, you do it for the both of us. Speaking of things I do for the both of us, I Want To Hold Your Hand you know I’m not one for gloves, and you’ll do pretty much anything to keep me from changing my playlist on the phone. You become my sunshine on my darkest days, yes I know the words My Girl but making you mad at me might be a little too hot if there is ever such a thing.

Of course, you’ve had my cooking, and I’m always looking for the right spice, the secret is ghost pepper sauce, and I’m also trying not to burn the house down while I’m at it of course. So maybe we should stay in bed, some memories, traditions, the Fire And Desire, though I’m still one for Nuclear Pop around the late 30’s to the 50’s and if we’re not listening to music we can lie here and read my latest novel, all about fire. Still, if life insists that I get up, the hottest shower, the cuddliest pup (apologies to my dog) the best cup of hot chocolate, or best alcohol as if I know, doesn’t have anything on your warmth.

Like Linus and his security blanket I grew up and There Goes My Baby, as constant as the sun, so maybe you’ll forgive me for being so thirsty for you and wanting to give you the world. They ask War, what is it good for and you know the answer honestly, absolutely nothing but you my love are everything and the purest definition I know for Warmth, Who Is It.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 019 ~No End Of Kindling~

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I Made It, added more fuel to the fire, one more book down and even an additional chapter and the feeling I have now… it doesn’t compare to the humiliation I’ll endure tomorrow. Honestly, I would rather have people read my novel. “No End Of Kindling”

Friday, July 20, 2018

Episode 019 ~No End Of Kindling~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to take a break, two words “The End,” that I was looking forward to today and I’ll get there or even worse “To Be Continued” either way it goes, it’s going to take more than 925 words, but as the song says there ain’t no rest for the wicked. I haven’t even gotten close to selecting a new book to read because mine is turning out to be so… that’s the thing I want to say no words, but there are too many.

Not now, nor have I ever been one for the burning of books, well except for mine, again it goes into my whole, hurting myself before I hurt others mentality, you too Lady Sophia, the reason I’m talking to you so early. It’s not procrastination; it’s the fact that the last words of my book should happen when I’m up and about, not lying in bed, people deserve me at my best… did you hear me right? Something that shall never see the light of day which is why I spend eight to ten hours locked up in the library, talk about something I love and then the only thing I want to do with my novel is set it alight to keep myself warm, beats the day job always.

Tomorrow I expect I’ll be writing about my humiliations rather than writing something that is humiliating, one more reason I have to bury myself in fiction because the truth hurts plenty and nobody wants to know about that. One more novel that took me a year to write and here we are Lady Sophia, about three weeks into this year and like any one of my fictional books is this looking any better, but for now, there are plenty of words left with no sign of The End. A good story brings its writer back to life or more to the point, makes a writer immortal and with the love of readers warms for many a black night, I believe.

When it comes to my work though; I know I shouldn’t be so negative, if it gives me money to burn, and that will be over all too soon but my novel or novels, how did I not know I was writing a series, and the ideas keep on coming to be honest. So when people are lighting those torches, looking for things to throw onto my pyre, at the end of the day, not that of the story, they’ll be No End of Kindling.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 017 ~Fires of Mt. Motivation~

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If I were asked this moment what inspired a year’s worth of writing, nearly four books, buying space for a blog, fighting like Hell to keep it and more, find a person that makes your blood boil and then get it out of you. Fires of Mt. Motivation

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Episode 017 ~Fires of Mt. Motivation~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give me one reason other than fear; I have believed for the longest time that if fear is all you have to get someone to see your point of view, then you don’t have much to offer; the fires of Hell won’t scare me into the light of Heaven. Now I’ve been all about flames and the Devil these days, but no one has given me any reason why I should want to go to Heaven when my idea of paradise is what’s going to get me into Hell without a doubt.

What’s “interesting” (how I hate that word) is the fact that the concept of FEAR is cold; one more reason why I’m always in my hoodies, and it’s Summertime, honestly do you know how long it took me to show up in my trunks at the pool? When I was learning how to swim, and I never did, all I remember is the cold and at the same time when I wasn’t afraid I couldn’t get enough of the water, the pool, the lake, I’m not going back to my brief stint in the Navy. Where’s the motivation then, is it merely my desire to escape the cold, you know the ninth circle of Hell is that of Treachery and these past few days, despite waking up an hour early, writing, coming to the library I feel, “success in progress.”

Okay, more to the point FAILURE like last night and this afternoon so what drove me to come out today; first and foremost, my desire, talk about setting your feet to the fire whether it be for material possession, the fact that I looked up the word “Quadrillion.” Finishing my latest novel, and as always women, which leads me to humiliation, that sort of heat puts fire in my fingertips, and still, I bury myself in blankets and Puppy Love but haven’t I said once where my courage comes into play. Anger, that’s what I feel when I’m at work, and I’m thinking I should be writing, how about when I woke up this afternoon, and I was pissed because it was one, and I finished that Spotify Motivational playlist.

Still, I couldn’t get here sooner, I’m motivated, don’t get me wrong, tomorrow I’ll wake up and write seven hundred words, I’ll come to the library, and I will write another five thousand words. So why do I need forgiveness, forgive me for learning how to accept the cold, for not yet trying hard enough to escape it, for all my hellish desires, my fear of humiliation, the anger I have, Fires of Mt. Motivation.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 012 ~What’s On The Menu~

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When you want (BLANK) as badly as you want to breathe, it’s then you’ll have, I can put any word or series of words, success, food, going back to the house, but writing is my life, only more so, and writers have weird dreams. What’s On The Menu?

Friday, July 13, 2018

Episode 012 ~What’s On The Menu~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to keep writing when people are hungry; I did all my shopping yesterday and you know I’ve been tightening my belt, and with the dog… well, you know how he feels about me not eating as usual? Not eating, not sleeping though there was a Hell of a dream last night with the few hours that I did get and I like ribs as much as the next guy but they weren’t two hundred dollars’ worth of good, and there I go, hungry.

Hungry for success, this entire week has been about writing, now you know how I am about my novel writing but the fact is to get it done, whatever it takes, don’t give up, don’t ever give up, focus, discipline, all buzzwords but I’ve been at the library from open to nearly close. You know I wrote about two pages I believe on turkeys taking over the world, and I’m not even that much a fan of turkeys, I mean Thanksgiving is alright, but I’m much more of a ham man honestly. So I wish I could tell you I wanted to figure out what my barbecue dream meant but I’m grinding, I’m hustling with five thousand words a day, every day I’m here, no wonder I’m dreaming about food now, but I’m still lacking.

Maybe I’m dreaming about a day that I won’t have a budget, I felt pretty sad about losing the money in my dream but someday I want to be like freaking “Brewster’s Millions” because you know how much I like spending it; haven’t gotten my PS4 or Detroit Become Human yet. It could be something like “Okay” teaching me that BBQ recipe and I didn’t kill us both with it, strangely enough, I have more faith in my cooking than I have in my writing, at least it’s proven fit for human consumption. How about the fact that I usually see ribs and such on the grill and the whole plot of my book as of late is all about fire, should I mention the fact that I don’t know how to grill, never have.

Other than shopping the other day I burned some money when I didn’t want to go into work next week on and off day, and I even screwed up getting out of doing the “Clean” thing at work. Can I not just be proud of the fact that I have gotten so far in my novel although I know I want to burn it, only I would probably screw up writing menus too, but for tonight What’s On The Menu?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

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The first post of the next 365 Days, has anybody said NO yet, well probably my mind between work and having something to say that hopefully won’t get me kicked out, banned, or arrested, where is the line? Whose Right To Censor You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

Thirty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to keep my mouth shut, trust me I say some pretty nasty, vile, demented, perverted, depraved… I could continue, but I would eventually end with stupid or skeevy; and a happy new year to you too. Even when I’m sweet, I often end up as creepy, and since people will believe and hear whatever they want, what’s wrong with The Sound Of Silence I ask, instead of the visible title honestly.

I should start by taking responsibility but it’s hard Madam Justice, I don’t mean to get all political at the start of the new year but when the “PRESIDENT” of the United States of America can say such horrible things, and I call a girl beautiful… I came up with a new “Rule 290: Apparently, Models Do Have Standards,” and I know what’s past is past but calling a girl a Brazzers or Reality Kings model is different than let’s say… hell if I know Victoria’s Secret, Maxim, Playboy, I like beautiful women. The thing is again that’s against the law unless you have money, a handsome face, the confidence, or the intelligence which is telling me to say nothing.

Even with my writing, how many people have asked me what I write about and I can’t tell them because, well I would go Fahrenheit 451 on my work, but I would fight to defend others without a second thought. I thought this was America am I right so why must I censor myself, and maybe that’s why my current novel is all about fire, the things you realize or am I In Too Deep. No wonder I hate myself more often than not, like something out of Jumanji wanting to avoid not being my father and when in reality I hold my tongue and avoid speaking my mind because I don’t want to scare anybody including my little boy.

One man told me I was stupid and to shut up, a girl told me I was creepy, another said I was skeevy, another two said I’m great, but they don’t truly understand; shall I let the whole damn world stomp on my face? What about God, I take pride that I don’t need other people’s imaginary friend to tell me not to lie, cheat, steal, and murder but I can’t even talk about it, write about it, or picture it, worth a thousand words.

Anyway the answer is no one has the right, and yet at this moment in time I am breaking this rule; what would I write if I know I would be read, what would I say if I had no fear, I’m my judge, jury, and executioner and I burn; Whose Right To Censor You?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

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We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear