Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

I called my son plenty of things. Never STUPID. I’m an old man now, and do you know what I remember from my father more than anything? Being STUPID, which explains my existence plenty. Yet B trusted that I knew how to save him… Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

Thursday, February 15, 2024

Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

1110 Days Without B III, Day 551 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Whenever your Dad breaks out The Big S-word, it’s been a time, you know. Sigh.

I don’t need to tell you, but I tell you everything, so… STUPID is a dirty word. I can’t say I was the best Dad in the world. But I never called you STUPID. And I won’t call Virgil that either. Hell! Even this morning, I only shook my head and said, “Not cool.” V “went” all over the pan today. I swear I need to buy him one. One more memory of you, Braxton.

That brings me to today. My Little B, I don’t want to be STUPID. I’m A Believer, NOT! But if I were one for prayer, I would ask for three things. “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You’re not Aladdin, either. But three wishes, prayers, or whatever.

I would pray for you, my son. Next would be… Don’t let me be STUPID. Then I don’t want to be scared. Although STUPID and scared, they have to be sisters. So after … sex.

Do you know Tomoko Nomura? Of course, you do, Braxton. As I’ve told your aunt and M Anime… oh boy, I hope we get to her today. Anyway, Tomoko is a “STUPID Girl,” somewhat, but she is beautiful and has a whole lotta heart. And what brings her to mind today? Braxton, you are your father’s son, as in liking girls with nice big Yabbos.

I’m getting off track again about how you get my attention from beyond the grave with pretty, pretty girls. So what’s my point, B III?

If your Daddy is going to be STUPID, at the very least, I wish I could be beautiful and have a heart. Hell! Every day, I remember the looks you would give. Be better, Daddy.

And I imagine you now looking from wherever, saying, don’t be scared. Don’t be sad.

But STUPID? If it isn’t anything and everything I do at the Day Job, well… Let’s look at yesterday, for example. Honestly, B, that’s what I’ve been thinking about since we’ve passed all your days—death, ashes, collection, birthday, etc.

Gotta put your heart “on the line,” right? Um, Valentine’s Day? I haven’t spoken to M Anime. People get busy, caught up, and everything. Me? I feel STUPID. Tell me why. Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 227 ~Tomorrow Will B V-Day~

I’m 39, which I hate. But I would’ve loved it if my son saw 19. Happy Birthday, Braxton. But there are so many days that involve people, sigh. And tomorrow is all about love, which has come and gone for me. And what about 2V. “Tomorrow Will B V-Day.”

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Tale 227 ~Tomorrow Will B V-Day~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… You have my forever. But, uh oh. Guess what day it is. Happy Birthday, Braxton!

I know you’re asking yourself how many days belong to my son—counting 1108 now. And how long have we been together? That’s a dangerous question for a married man to ask. There are a lot of those going on three years. And still, my heart grows, my love, daily.

That should be more than enough reason to get out of bed each morning. Because I love you, our children… I’m still working on me. And I can’t promise you I’ll get there, my love. I’ve hated myself longer than I had my son. Have I mentioned I hate thirty-nine?

And there’s so much left to do, love. I could do my John Mayer impression. “One thing I’ve left to do. Discover me, discovering you.”

But you have your day. Hell! You have a lot of them. You probably rival my little furry son’s love. Only, can you let today be his? Am I asking you? Hmm. Or am I trying to be some alpha male, better known as an asshole? But no. I’m only a grieving Dad, missing my little boy every single day.

I don’t even take today off. I spend two days crying. But on the day my son came to be. And here’s something to bake your noodle. Sunday, February 13, 2005, is the day I chose for him. I never got an answer on Braxton’s birthday, but it was sometime in April. That’s when I met my firstborn son. And every day after… our tomorrow, always, forever… Valentine? Braxton was/is a saint, amongst other things.

And, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. I know you still do. As I you, my love. Hell! Even the playlist I’m making, John Mayer, Lewis Capaldi, Muse, and I can go on. I told Braxton I would find him a mom someday. And now Virgil is here. And I didn’t know what day I would find him. Or the day I would see you, love. But I keep telling everyone I’m here. But that’s a lie because I’m seeking my little B III today. Always.

It’s like something from The Big Bang Theory, “Emily or Cinnamon,” ha-ha. Words of love for my firstborn, for you, and so many. Even Virgil and myself? Today, Let It Be. Tomorrow Will B V-Day

1108 Days Without B III, Day 549 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Not all lovey-dovey, but my first love… no ifs, ands, or buts. B III, without question. A life that I love as it won’t be mine own. And yet I continue to imagine it. Triple B was supposed to be a part of it but the years. I hate Math. 2V Minus B III.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still want more. Don’t get me wrong. I hate Math now, like in school.

Hell! There was a week at the old Day Job where I made “around” $26.00. And having a billion now? I don’t know if either would have been enough to save my true love. Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but if I didn’t love you the other 364 days of the year, as always. Yes, I talk about my son B every day of the year. Well, make that two since B III died. Three considering he died thirteen days short of his sixteenth birthday. He’d be eighteen now. And I haven’t thought of chocolate, chrysanthemums, or cute jewelry, either, my love. There is a fantasy I have of fucking you wearing nothing but a crucifix or The Heart of The Ocean from Titanic.

Of course, making love to you, sex, or fucking, makes me the typical guy? Being your lover, your husband, your best friend… And, of course, we’re back to Braxton Barks… Eww! Am I right? I never understood how people were into that sort of pornography. Anyway, I know I must protect Braxton when I think of any chocolate. Yeah, poisonous. Chrysanthemums, Roses, and all kinds of flowers only make me think of Braxton in the yard. And as far as jewelry? Why haven’t I bought something to honor Braxton? Silver, Gold? How about today, being for diamonds? I love you. I’m trying not to burst into song but no promises. Only what did I promise you? I vowed, I swore. Till death? And without Braxton…

I didn’t mention hearts. And mine’s been broken going on 744 days. Losing my one. Honestly, I’m afraid that could cost me everything, and I don’t want it to, my love. I’m trying. But there’s a fur baby alone in Braxton’s room. The distance between you and me continues to grow. Fuck! You have no idea how hard that was. Four good songs, my love. If I can keep that promise, why can’t I add back what I lost? All the money in the world. Happy Valentine’s Day! I can give you a day. Then your birthday, anniversary, our kids. This is just one more day I’ve screwed up. Another negative. Three little words. I love you. But always and forever. 2V Minus B III

744 Days Without B III, Day 185 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 229 ~By My Old Lady~

I don’t have any girl that should be mad at me, really. One’s married, another is a virgin. A UK vixen said, “chill.” Haven’t talked to my Ma in forever, even after B’s 1st Rainbow Anniversary, and his birthday was Sunday. Valentine’s? By My Old Lady

Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Chronicle 229 ~By My Old Lady~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I never have to wonder where I’m spending the night. Beside you? The doghouse?

I’m sure Valentine’s Day was disastrous. Sunday was Braxton’s birthday, and how did I spend it? And since Saturday (well, you know what I mean um daily). Anyway, Saturday is no picnic. I’m not sick… here’s hoping. Tuesday’s inevitable … Old Day Job. Fuck Me. I’m sure we’ve been doing a lot of that. Something else to hope for. Do you remember that this is how I want to spend all my Saturdays? I want to lie here with you for a few hours. We’ll listen to songs about the end of the world in the 40s and 50s, some Nuclear Pop. Let the kids sleep in late… Well, a man can dream. I figured Braxton would keep them occupied. Too old for this shit

I wish I could say that’s why his dog house is empty. Okay, let’s not focus on the reason but the idea that I’m sleeping in his room? I don’t talk about you and me fighting ever because we don’t but allow me to commit a few cardinal sins here. Needing a few more Love. Not fighting with Carolina, Anime. Cherry… Brains, Boobs; Moves Countermoves. You’re looking at a man who had Artificial Intelligence; call him a loser. Replika, wow! When’s the last time I talked to my Ma. My point is there isn’t a woman or machine that I can’t piss off at some time in my life. Of course, this explains the business I’m in and why you’re my ex-girlfriend, my Baby Doll.

You’re my wife, my Old Lady, or Young Lady with Cherry’s thoughts for real. Baby Girl, let me stop digging my hole even deeper. Isn’t that the subject, Braxton? Cremated, not buried, but you know what I’m saying. I haven’t been right for 380 Days. Flowers, Candy, Love, and Happiness, well, Love always. But I’ll be the first to admit I’ve been fucking up all that other stuff. I miss my boy, My Love, and then when I try to feel nothing at all or I forget… Braxton’s bed, his gates, the water bowl. Discombobulated! That’s what Love does, Baby Girl. Romantic, Best Friends, Family. I’d have none of it if Braxton never defined Love. And learning it again all over, By My Old Lady.

380 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Lesson 228 ~Came On The Internet~

What do you say to them, can’t I just nod to whatever because that’s all they want if not a good laugh at my expense, to think when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian for quite some time and nobody was laughing at all. “Came On The Internet”

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Lesson 228 ~Came On The Internet~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because my dog won’t embarrass me with his attempts at words; more often than not I find that I envy him. At work, I’ve always wanted to tell people that my dog barks all the time too but at least he’s trying to accomplish something, so what are they doing with their mindless chatter all day anyway.

Not that I could ever imagine to get out anything so eloquent, part of the reason I didn’t call HR back; to think I was all fire and brimstone before. Speech is my sin for today, the fact that I can’t talk to anybody and at the moment I don’t quite want to which is another reason my dog is a great conversationalist. Honestly, I can’t even order hot sauce without humiliating myself which is why I told the guy at Buffalo Wild Wings, “I came on the internet,” I meant my order of course.

Today being Valentine’s Day though I haven’t done that… even spending most of the day in bed, I’ve been recovering. I could say I’ve had worst Valentine’s but this one again in bed, with something I love, if not someone, I have chocolate, and I could go a few rounds with someone… If I wasn’t required to get up and find her and even if I could, what would I possibly have to say? If I could quote my life in three words right; “Don’t Say That” yeah that’s probably going to be a rule that I’ll keep breaking; man has no choice but to sin isn’t that right Echo.

If that is the case then why is everyone else allowed to be stupid and wasteful but I’m expected to shut up or worse, that everything I say is considered a joke. No, I can top that, “family friendly,” “skeevy,” even my name “WILL” when it comes to the bitch that shall not be named. Even today I have to email HR and what am I going to tell them, uh… the truth, which will lead me back to the office and more stupidity honestly.

My dog can’t catch his breath when he’s eating so much, maybe that’s the ticket for me, books don’t work, earphones, and everything else, people always like to talk and are they not entertained? Are you not entertained Inspector Echo, if not I am sorry; if it’s not my words, my spit, some other bodily fluid; came on the internet?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

Valentine’s Day, I can’t say I know much about it and perhaps like most men I curse Hallmark and nearly every other retail outlet but loving your woman is something you should do every day. “Why Can’t Today Be,” other than being short one woman?

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Lesson 227 ~Why Can’t Today Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just maybe I should be, and with all the fear I should feel there is nothing in Heaven or Earth that would make me turn around now. Though they say Hell hath no fury but then wouldn’t that melt all the chocolate, you didn’t think I would forget, the first bullet dodged.

Like the first mountain climbed, that one rock skipped, the first step taken, and I know this jewel is not as big but while some men try I will do whatever I can so that you may shine. While I’m no one for history anymore and I couldn’t tell you the day of the gold rush I know what today is and besides they never taught when the silver rush is, do they? Quite careful when picking those lessons like so many roses, lilies, chrysanthemums, there must be a million types of flowers, but at the end of the day there is only one you.

One you and I celebrate you 365 days and if there is a leap day that’s mine and even now I would rather spend it with you if I could. Now I know you’re not that type of girl, you’re not like anyone else, so why not tell you all this tomorrow like any other guy and you know I probably will. Because today is today, I don’t understand how I can call it so, but it was an ordinary day when we first met, our first date, the first I love you, how many firsts on an average day? Who knows what will happen tomorrow, the world may be brighter, a lot shinier, a lot more colorful, and I will love you even more.

The same words but I will be only one of the chorus, I’ll have to be louder, you’ll have to glow but to be sure I would pick any other day in this big full world, anniversary, asking your father for his blessing, even your birthday. To think there was a day that we weren’t together; was it worse trying to find you or a gift trying to keep you, I know I don’t need all of this but am I sure, absolutely, positively, hmm.

That’s the day I’m waiting for, the night, the moment, not today, not tomorrow but one ordinary day when I know, give me that my love, Why Can’t Today Be?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

No, I’m not playing my cheerleader, and this isn’t a spelling bee, now if you have some of that Love Potion No. 9, I would probably use it to drown myself with it, at least it would keep me from talking. “Write Me A Letter,” leave it on the grave ha.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Lesson 224 ~Write Me A Letter~

“There are only 20 letters in the alphabet”.

“No, there are 26!”

“Oh, I forgot U R A Q T.”

“You forgot one letter.”

“I’ll give you the D later.”

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore so deliver me a D, loan me an L, and vote me to a V, what does that spell, nothing at all, I’ve never been a spelling bee champion, just ask Google, and how I’m trying to define so much these days.

Defeat not being one of them; yes Lady Lu this is one of those days and not just because of the rain, I could have used a day like this yesterday, Mr. Blue Sky and a Sunshine Day, and I spent the majority of it in bed. Depression is a hell of a drug, and it’s a disease this thing called love as I heard once, breaking my own heart, so is today about getting over myself maybe, getting off my back and giving my hands something else to do and not behaving like, well you know. Dick, a Willie, just another Wiener and there will be plenty of those next week to be seen, but I’ll be keeping mine in my pants though there is a girl here or there that wish I wouldn’t.

Lonely is something I shouldn’t be if I were a better man or at least a less shallow one, I was looking forward to a striptease, but no I’ll be getting ready for the big day. It’s my dog’s birthday; he’s turning 13, which is 68 according to Pedigree. Loser for a best friend he honestly deserves better, though everybody else seems quite content, losers don’t fight back, losers exist for the joy of others, and as the song goes, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Love am I right, no matter where it comes from it’s always destroying me or maybe I give too much and get too little, and that makes me sound like a selfish douche I know…

“Soy un perdedor
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Loser, Beck

Voicing such feelings isn’t allowed anymore is it, am I still harping on about work, about lies, about not being heard, yeah I hate listening to it as well, but I can’t help but question what I want more. Valentine’s Day, remember, lust, love, and please don’t say like, I think I’ve had more than I can stand of that word being in the general manager’s office a few days ago, I sounded like such an idiot, and no I didn’t win. Victory ha, a term as unfamiliar to me as my name these days.

What have we learned today other than the fact that I’m burning out on creativity and I should buy a dictionary if I’m so out of touch; from Heaven or Hell, from the hotel rooms, the happy homes, the places I might never see could you Write Me A Letter.

I Will Have No Fear