Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Not all lovey-dovey, but my first love… no ifs, ands, or buts. B III, without question. A life that I love as it won’t be mine own. And yet I continue to imagine it. Triple B was supposed to be a part of it but the years. I hate Math. 2V Minus B III.

Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Saga 228 ~2V Minus B III~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still want more. Don’t get me wrong. I hate Math now, like in school.

Hell! There was a week at the old Day Job where I made “around” $26.00. And having a billion now? I don’t know if either would have been enough to save my true love. Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but if I didn’t love you the other 364 days of the year, as always. Yes, I talk about my son B every day of the year. Well, make that two since B III died. Three considering he died thirteen days short of his sixteenth birthday. He’d be eighteen now. And I haven’t thought of chocolate, chrysanthemums, or cute jewelry, either, my love. There is a fantasy I have of fucking you wearing nothing but a crucifix or The Heart of The Ocean from Titanic.

Of course, making love to you, sex, or fucking, makes me the typical guy? Being your lover, your husband, your best friend… And, of course, we’re back to Braxton Barks… Eww! Am I right? I never understood how people were into that sort of pornography. Anyway, I know I must protect Braxton when I think of any chocolate. Yeah, poisonous. Chrysanthemums, Roses, and all kinds of flowers only make me think of Braxton in the yard. And as far as jewelry? Why haven’t I bought something to honor Braxton? Silver, Gold? How about today, being for diamonds? I love you. I’m trying not to burst into song but no promises. Only what did I promise you? I vowed, I swore. Till death? And without Braxton…

I didn’t mention hearts. And mine’s been broken going on 744 days. Losing my one. Honestly, I’m afraid that could cost me everything, and I don’t want it to, my love. I’m trying. But there’s a fur baby alone in Braxton’s room. The distance between you and me continues to grow. Fuck! You have no idea how hard that was. Four good songs, my love. If I can keep that promise, why can’t I add back what I lost? All the money in the world. Happy Valentine’s Day! I can give you a day. Then your birthday, anniversary, our kids. This is just one more day I’ve screwed up. Another negative. Three little words. I love you. But always and forever. 2V Minus B III

744 Days Without B III, Day 185 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Gospel 240 ~Braxton FOUR One Hundred~

“I love you,” “Can we go home,” “Everything will be alright, Braxton,” and still there weren’t enough words. No amount of money could save him. And if my father mentions getting a new dog one more time… Braxton FOUR One Hundred, Five, Nine.

Friday, February 25, 2021

Gospel 240 ~Braxton FOUR One Hundred~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so $100.00 shouldn’t really bother me. It was Braxton walking on three legs that certainly did.

Now that’s not where he got the “B III” from. That’s his name, Braxton Barks Bradford. I’ve said before that it was my mom who named him Braxton. It still hurts to talk about him like this. My Dæmon, my son, Little B. And again my sadness and rage. What about purpose? I keep breathing, Lady Sophia. Braxton’s purpose was to BARK. Of all the things I absorb, it was his barking that was my joy as much as I took it for granted. Sometimes grated on my nerves or would go overboard. It showed he cared, loved, protected, “Dad.” Braxton had his own way of saying it. He was another Mr. Bradford. But most days, it was B or B III, Triple B too.

Such time is priceless but to check out a bum leg is about $100.00. I came back one day, big score with a TV, a box of shrimp and fries, and I had Braxton. Dare I say life was sweet? So I let him go outside as I get situated only to see him come limping in on three legs. Braxton is so brave and pretends that he’s always walked with three legs. He never wanted me to worry, but I quickly freaked-out and carried him out, driving all crazy. Swear I was so scared, and we went to three different pet hospitals, panicking father. Finally, we made it back to Banfield, and $100.00 later, he had stepped on a pinecone or something, nothing more.

Beefy, he wishes, Be Free, well isn’t he now, but always my B III. I wouldn’t say I like math, and I’m not one for numbers in general. Being counted on… I once wrote that four was a lucky number, but how wrong I was. This I do know; 15 years wasn’t enough time. $323.60 is horrible. I had one son. Excuse me for being all out of sorts, it’s still Wednesday now, and I had to deal with “people.” My family, shouldn’t I say? As in my father and nephews. Should I count to three like a southern mother? I no longer say, “In five minutes, the world will end.” Dammit, my world ended, January 31, Braxton Barks Bradford.

Nothing can bring him back but Braxton FOUR One Hundred.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Episode 293 ~The Willies Of Math~

It still takes courage to smoke something that will do you no harm, all the legal drugs will kill you, but I don’t smoke usually, I don’t drink, I’m addicted to money, sex, and words in no particular order such are my fears — The Willies Of Math

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Episode 293 ~The Willies Of Math~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now; I want to count on this fact. On top of my organization skills when it comes to bath rugs, B III’s medication and boxes full of porn. Adding up dollar bills, excuse me please Homer Drool

This week I’m still into one porn in particular. Hot Juicy Teacher Volume 3: Science a.k.a. Onna Kyoushi, and Honoka Toudou. Sigh for the days when it was Desert Island Story X and the likes of Natsuno and Yuka. When did I get into PURPLE and BLUE hair? One part of my anatomy yearns for it. Even when I was watching Jewel Staite last night and of course she will appear in my novel as well. A scene alongside the Emo blogger mom. I’m never disappointed with the girls I select. Still, you know what didn’t get done last night? One thousand seven hundred words or at this rate about 1900 if I’m going to win Camp NaNoWriMo. Make no mistake Lady Lu I am going to win. Despite the premise of my being what it is, all me, every inch.

Only how do you tear down a wall of boobs. Be it those things I so adore about women or all the people. Last week I was surrounded by them, but I answered this question right? A million dollars will do the trick no problem. For that I need a good night’s sleep and what can I tell you there. I need to keep Mr. blue and purple; when’s the last time I looked at my balls, in my pants. Damn no wonder women dominate my chosen GENRE. Today though, I can’t afford to take two days off when it comes to the novel I have to get back on track. You know I didn’t reach my goal yesterday. Today I’m full, semi-rested, two things to be grateful. What about Happy 4/20, where’s Snoop Dogg?

So that’s three and legal somewhere, same as three of my characters who still breathe. Not that I killed off Genevieve and Ember. They both appear in other stories. Only three letters, little words. The usual number for a beginning or end. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m greedy. I want FIFTY THOUSAND words. Little Willie wants TENTACLES (a dozen) one-person orgy, girls drools. Before September I’ll have my MILLION. So I have the courage for The Willies Of Math.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 144 ~Let’s Do The Math~

How many days did he waste his money on tutoring, how much did it cost for me to fail miserably and take a final exam twice just do my school could get rid of me, not to mention being a college dropout, now that’s a story? Let’s Do The Math

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Lesson 144 ~Let’s Do The Math~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear but me plus you equals a ton of it but maybe I shouldn’t say you, just damn near anybody else and then my heart is stone, along with everything else and God help you if you’re a pretty girl. Math has never been my strong suit, which ain’t saying much, what about English or Psychology, before I even knew to call it Anxiety at all.

I’m not sure if I ever told you this story but my senior year of high school I was failing yet another Math class and my “father” put me in a tutoring, which of course didn’t help because I didn’t have the minimum basic skills to be human. I never talked to anybody, never got help, and the one time I did try to communicate with another person, let’s just say something else was rock hard. Too bad it wasn’t a headstone, yet another one of those times suicide seemed a viable option, and yeah I know I have no one to blame but myself because as far as he’s concerned, anxiety doesn’t exist honestly.

All I did was write down problems and when he found out he beat my ass, yelled at me and the tutors, and here I thought people were monsters but compared to him… so yes I learned how to talk to people to a certain extent. On the other hand, I won’t ever be promoted at work because I still lack the same skills I did as a teenager, thus I’m asking less money. How many girls numbers do I have, maybe two and I’m not sleeping with either of them so what is the point Inspector Echo, any purpose?

I waste money because I don’t think I’m ever good enough and don’t ask me how old I am and I’m still alone, well I got the dog so that’s one and a half occupants here. My whole damn life has been one 3/5’s Compromise… okay so I might have liked History and what do we learn from History, those that don’t learn from the past, so on, so forth.

How many times can I apologize for having anxiety an even if I went as high as a million at the end of the day it will always be there won’t it? So am I forgiven for living my life, surviving, wasting it because even one word scares the hell out of me, my “father” *sigh* Let’s Do The Math?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

Should I count on you or should I look as if you owe me, owe the future wife, perhaps the man I want to be, the somebody I believe will actually care about my novel only 12,700 of 50,000 *sigh*. Can You Count, Suckers, because I really don’t want to.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Lesson 134 ~Can You Count, Suckers~

To Will:
No Fear, even though that sounded kind of dirty, but let’s focus on some accomplishments such as the fact that you actually have the entire, “Sick Fux” playlist on your phone. Already it’s going to be one of those days but you’re fifteen days into you know what and I know it’s only getting harder, really damn literally.

Think about your book today, didn’t I say be positive but you’re still so far behind but you only need 2,164 words per day to finish on time. You have now 120,000 words just collecting dust so making it to 50,000 words in a month shouldn’t be any big deal… yeah, I don’t buy that myself, using the words I believe in you and such. If anything you’re a realist and you know time is your enemy because sooner or later, everything is just going to come crashing down and I don’t want you thinking exit strategy anytime soon Will.

I know it sucks knowing that other people need you, what about the dog, and letting yourself down always hurts, though we can’t figure out why yet. No scratch that, you talk about being made into a monster but sometimes you are your own victim, case and point all of our conversations right? How about the people you haven’t even met, you should probably make a list of everyone who is going to owe you a favor but then again everyone isn’t you, how grateful are you for that tidbit?

Counting up would be “Hoes” while fun does not add to your final word total as of yet; counting money as well is just depressing, it’s like you’ve taken a trip back to Math class, English is hard too, and Sex-Ed class… off the table. There is only you and your writing, nothing more and nothing less because I’m counting on you, just as next week you’ll be counting on whoever you’ve become by then.

Hopefully, he’ll be a few words richer, a week’s worth stronger, possibly finishing reading another novel, feels like Mt. Everest and what is the payoff other than saying you were able to pull it off. I should have gotten this out of my system with Dirty Diana and Lady Sophia but I’m counting on you, time to be the man.

Way past time is always the lesson but if you really want to get up off your ass well ask yourself Can You Count, Suckers?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

Counting the days until, such and such a day because I think I’m someday is not a measurement, at least not a good one, maybe I should try for something sooner. “To Be Counted On”, and I mean more than on my fingers and toes I suppose.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but why aren’t we counting the number of times I’ve said that why aren’t we counting how many rules it’s going to take for the new me, why aren’t we counting the days I can stay upbeat. How about we count the number of missed opportunities, well not really missed perhaps but one friend told me today that I wasn’t in a talkative mood… me.

I’m actually a bit too lazy to go back and count, okay maybe a little frightened, I’m still positive you know “Easy Street” but for the most part I have been counting anything to take me away from, that day, and for once I’m not talking about “Sapphire”, we’ll get to that. So far I have around Sixty-Four rules, and I actually have a plan to have three hundred and sixty-five, which I will later condense into something more manageable. If I was still depressed Lady Lu, we’d be talking in bed but I’m actually dressed, being productive, not so much for society but for myself, as I was telling my friend today, I don’t remember happy but I’m okay and even that’s a guess.

I heard once that idle hands are the devil’s playthings but that also goes to the mind, you remember that lady in the parking lot, was I working as hard then, I have to keep my mind occupied at all times it seems. This is probably what “Okay” was talking about that I wasn’t okay though she surprised me a bit noticing I was a completely different person, there was no drive, my biology was to be damned, and I kept my distance. I did confess to her which is why I’m fighting to keep the power of positivity; four words “Don’t Worry Be Happy”.

Have you noticed that I tend to keep our conversations to four-word titles and my rules to five words, seriously where do I get these numbers for things? Only one number matters at all in this age and that is NUMBER ONE, which explains how I got into this mess, to be ahead of somebody.

“What do you mean, “fuck this Employee of the Month shit”, man? When there’s some shit to be won, Goddamnit, I want it. I don’t give a fuck what it is. Y’know what I’m talkin’ about? I take no prisoners. I go hard doing this shit. Big dog. Big nuts. When names are on a mother-fuckin’ board I want to see my name at the top of that motherfucker and next to it, it needs to say “Winner”.” Lamar Davis

This, of course, brings us to the days counting down to Sapphire, I wonder are we as human beings conditioned to anticipate that day, I have all sorts of feelings. I know I keep saying Sapphire instead of the day… okay, that clears things up and did you know there are no good strip clubs around these parts, that’s sad.
“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.” Street Fighter (1994)

I’ve been counting the things in my Amazon Wish List, when I’m not quoting the company line “Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane”, let’s add one more I, “Inane” at least to some people, to me, I’m just greedy. How about being pricey, as the song goes… if I were a rich man, besides the “M Anime” says I’m hard to shop for, when did I grow to become so complicated? As far as friends go, I might have a handle on two “Indiana Gone” and “Gospel Girl” which in truth means I’m still doing well, two girls last year so I should call this a win, no not like that Lu.

“What would you do if you had a million dollars?

I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.

That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?

Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.

Well, not all chicks.

Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.

Good point.

Well, what about you now? What would you do?

Besides two chicks at the same time?” – from Office Space (1999)

So besides counting a lack of options on strip clubs, I could go so many places but I have no clue what so ever, maybe I should count them. Maybe I should count the numbers of years I’ve been hanging around but can I trust you with that information… secrets are lies but this is not a secret, necessarily. M Anime got me fired up about food but maybe that’s just because I’m hungry, again I need to keep my hands and my mind full, why not add my stomach.

Didn’t I talk about a blank check the other day, besides avoiding you I’ve been counting up my emails and doing the PCH lotto, now this is easy enough to say, I hate math? I hate having so many options only to make excuses as to why I can’t have what I want, you know “Someday Is Not a Measurement.


“I don’t have O.C.D.

I had it when I was a kid,
but I haven’t done that in years.

You were just doing it.
When you walk slow like that.

What are you doing?
Are you counting?” – Elektra (2005)

Speaking of yet another rule how about habits, what about movies, or anything else I have to fill my mind with, I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve had with fictional characters. Strangely enough being as crazy as I am, I’m a man that can be counted on to a certain degree, haven’t missed a day with you except for those years of hiatus.

Right now I’m 3×5, when I leave the house I push the door five times in circuits of three to make sure Braxton is safe, same with my lock I turn the lock three times, with each I tug five, I wash Braxton’s water bowl three times before filling it and take him outside on a multiple of five, talk about O.C.D. To keep my positive attitude, whenever I feel the darkness I play a movie in my head, I tell myself game info, I work on lists, to keep it all at bay. Just like my words I try for a multiple of five or ten, I know it sounds loony but while people believe I’m obsessing over them I’m maintaining my own life.

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” Muhammad Ali

I’m glad I have lost count of so many things that have been bad and no I don’t count every single breath, except for Braxton’s every now and again, vet’s orders with his condition. As far as the days I’m counting, Sapphire, fun time, and Okay told me not to worry about any trouble, I feel bad for her, I don’t know how she does it but she knows I’m a man that she can count on, I don’t abandon friends. I’m counting down the time to the end of this conversation Luna, not in a bad way but because I’m counting the time, the pages, so many other things.

So what have we learned besides, I count as to avoid becoming just another number and that I may have replaced depression with O.C.D. or I’m just giving into the O.C.D. more? Zero to hero Lady Lu, I want to make it out of this worry, I want to forget how To Be Counted On.

I Will Have No Fear