Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Being a black man in America, I’m not a statistic… I got up early, six instead of ten, you can thank my furbaby for that. The stimulus came through yesterday but besides my kid, my day job, and car people where’s the money going? Don’t Count On Will.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which must mean I hate you. Well, I don’t think that way about you, Inspector Echo, or any of the other girls. Okay, so the Man in the Mirror, but as I’ve been saying ad nauseam, it’s a New Year. I’m working on myself… I’m trying.
The thing is, I’m asking myself, am I too late? If it isn’t the money, then it’s been my age these days. I’m 36, and if I were to tell you all the things I haven’t done, even this morning. As the song goes, “Time, time, time. See what’s become of me.” Money, Age, Time…

I could wrap that all around my favorite subject in the whole wide world. Well, after my Dæmon, of course. Looks like my Imp’s going to get that vet appointment anyway. Geez, right after I got my stimulus payment. Republican Idiocracy tendencies, “I Like Money.”

Okay, so my favorite subject, I swear I have missed out on so much. When it comes to… well, how do I say this and remain a nice guy? Again I support artists and, in the same breath, thieves. Even with the motherlode of “artwork,” I’ve I miss out on galleries, gathering, and grabbing up all I can. Do you remember after the last Pinterest Suspension/Purge, I was upset about a specific board I lost? I found a few pieces of it the other day but not the whole thing. I would say I find nothing more annoying but that would make me a liar. It’s like finding the perfect “movie” and not being able to download it. How about what happened to such and such a website? What about being so anxious for something and then having it snatched away with fear? Mine… hers?

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.’” Cloud Atlas

I feel like Nicolas Cage/Yuri Orlov; I’m always five minutes too early or five minutes late. Being black, I was taught to be early always. As for being a man, I was taught “nice guys finish last” (12 Days, fingers crossed). I’m forever a day late, a dollar short, that is if I want something. I hate being late for the Day Job. Now I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but I got out of bed not by “force of will” but because my son needed me, meds, cleaning, potty.

Hate has my number, but love… Don’t Count On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

One day I swear I’m going to sit in a room and type all day, pocket my cash, and send an army of mercs to silence anybody sending me spam… well, that got dark pretty quickly. “Humiliation’s A Number Will,” and next year I want it to be zero

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so um, I still hate Math? Considering I’ve taken no sick days or vacation days. There’s the concept of dinner around here, becoming a big event. I have a yearly eye exam, which is the extent of my medical care. Yep, I still hate my teeth. Okay, say it with me, “This Is America,” how about I am a “Real American.” You’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo. The Stimulus Talk and my usual complaints, numbers have been on my brain. With enough cash, humiliation doesn’t matter, enough not to count.

Let’s start with me and My Dæmon. I’m 36, goddammit, my son’s 15. Now I’m trying to stay clean, Inspector Echo when I talk to you, but I’ll put the question out there. When’s the last time I’ve had sex? Meanwhile is the Dæmon living the life, meds, food, yes… However, he could have more, but where’s the money going? Let’s say I’m “supporting” three artists. Depends on how you define art. I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on the random “expressions.” Or how about the money that went towards “Capital A” SIGH. Well, make more money, you say; how long have I been at the Day Job? Nine years, Inspector, taking orders. And each and every day there, I’m either depressed, destructive or damned. What about all the money I paid to not publish a book now?

I mentioned Capital A, but how many women have stopped talking to me this year alone? I’m going to say three, but even that’s a shot in the dark. Better to keep my mouth shut, but tomorrow, of course, is The Closing of the Year. Pop Culture is much served. While fighting off my addictions. You know within Six Impossible Things, “5 Days” so far. Doing everything to keep my mind occupied, and you see how that’s going. Remember, I had to wipe my phone of such and such, still leaving six thousand pictures altogether. Again I think about writing three NaNoWriMos between two camps and November. Four hundred words daily for the year is around 146,000 or nearly three NaNoWriMos. Not one dollar earned doing what I love still.

Before I forget, two Pinterest accounts are gone. Another “explicit” account wrecked. More sugar daddy/momma accounts blocked between Whisper and Goodreads. Big numbers Inspector Echo still Humiliation’s A Number Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 201 ~Four A Free Will~

If I came with a label, it would be “FORE,” although that would mean I’m getting a lot more fresh air, and I’ve been in bed except for taking care of my four-legged son, walks and a vet visit. Four A Free Will, add a wife, and another child

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Log 201 ~Four A Free Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and even four billion wouldn’t be enough. Does that mean by next year I will be saying I AM a Trillionaire right now? Spellcheck doesn’t even recognize the word. Million, Billion, Trillion, and where did I hear that comedy comes in three’s? Also, My Dæmon has three names, the same as the rest of us. I know you’re saying wait a minute, “Lady Luna,” but I’m here to talk about fours, not two. How I believed four was a lucky number.

By tomorrow (today’s Thursday), it will have been three weeks since I started fighting my addiction. I’m looking forward to the fourth week, though, the month, even the year. So I am looking forward to beating Far Cry 5, John, Jacob, Faith, and Joseph Seed. I’ve told the story about why I chose four as my number. You remember a certain girl in high school and also junior college. Group #4 and how I started writing about her, and needless to say, I’m a college dropout. Not depressed again only a fact, now I can’t count how many hours I have spent in this bed. My four-legged firstborn has been hanging around. Still, a tad upset with getting three shots. I also asked them to cut his nails so four bad things he would consider.

Four is a simpler number than a billion. I still remember when I offered MILF Dos $400.00 to “Get Naked” as the song goes. Let’s say I work out better deals that The Commander and Chief.” Then again “FORE” I am a warning I mean Will’s Writings, Witticisms, Wisdom? I could tell you three things I like about my addiction and then add in a fourth. But again, I always have to post, well except for Thursday. Wouldn’t that be the fifth day of the week but the fourth business day? I sound like something off of Sesame Street, but you know how I am with numbers. On any given workday, I would consider four hours of sleep to be a good thing. Last night I got a fourth gun slot in Far Cry 5, notice I can say slots, holsters, placements. I’m staying on the up and up, but if I started talking holes?

My paycheck gets split into four different places every week that I should look in on, Four A Free Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 044 ~The Shape Of Will~

Last week I spoke a bit of looking down, and it seems like I’m still doing that, whether it be my phone, naughty books, or my wallet; hip to be square or more like a rectangle, not the worse of all shapes though. The Shape Of Will

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Log 044 ~The Shape Of Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, but not a star. Can’t say I miss Super Mario because my princess is always in another castle. There’s also the fact that I’m not feeling powerful. Where was I supposed to be at this moment in my life? Now if anything I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Should I apologize for ripping my heart out? I’ve been much too busy looking “down there” at the moment. At least it’s still in my pants, but it’s getting hard and pretty damn embarrassing; okay stopping.

Let’s get to what has me bent out of shape. Video games should be fun and a way to relax, right. I like Heavy Rain and all, but yes I’m out of practice and out of shape. Shaking that controller this way, and that has me breathing hard. At least it’s better than watching other people play. So what about watching other people fuck (LANGUAGE)? The first week is always the hardest, like any rehab. Still NoFap but not even hiding the fact that I’m watching porn. Hell Inspector Echo I wasn’t lasting three days when I was abstaining or trying at least. As for the “real” thing, I didn’t cave into the cosplayer. I’m still waiting to hear from Alice. I even started looking for a new “maid,” talk about a business opportunity SIGH.

As the song goes, it’s hip to be square. Only again, Heavy Rain isn’t helping; I saw Madison’s boobs. I’m reading another Tillie Cole book, “Raphael.” Should have learned from “Sick Fux” the author loves the taboo. Now If I could only go back to the nights of softcore porn watching. Inspector Echo, my life’s a cycle, a circle if you will; wake up, conversation, pretend to live. My son and I are in a rut. These are his golden years he should be enjoying himself. I keep saying I’ll give him everything but a million dollars in two weeks? Yes, I am ashamed of myself, there’s no way around it Inspector Echo. Could it be a love triangle? Yes, Tupac got around but as for myself. From the MILF to Mr. International, to the Stars. Yesterday I even went back to some erotic gaming.

So I am sorry life has me so warped and twisted. These past two weeks have been, again hard. I’m finding The Shape Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

A great man once sang “stand up for your rights,” and someone else said if you won’t stand for something; well these two legs can take me places but my eyes are looking down, though things get an inevitable rise out of me. Standing With A Willie

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and no my mind isn’t in the gutter. Okay, truth be told another cosplayer “Jada Jinxx.” We’ll get to the begging portion of the program soon enough. Today I want to talk about courage, the strength to stand. Hard when you can’t stand the man in the mirror; neither can they.

Up against the wall mother; yes, I looked that up. That’s how I was at work today, nowhere to go and nothing to do there. So I redid two of the walls of hanging crap, paintings, metal décor, etc. Staring at the wall meant I didn’t have to look at people. Not that I could even if I wanted to anyway. My eyes are conscientious objectors in this war for my life. On the other hand, they could be living in 3017. That’s me looking at the dirt or how long it would take me to find courage. Is it any wonder I write dystopias? How about the only life after death, I believe in is zombies? Anyway, so I’m working from one wall to the next. I’m getting all these backstabbers complimenting behind my back. Like I’m any better; should have seen me yesterday. Someone knocked on my door, and I had my knife behind me, saving people time.

You know for finding reasons to fire me at some point. In writing Inspector Echo, I’m an army of one. Army, again look at the title. I was channeling Ellie Goulding’s song. I wish I could say I had someone I counted on with all my heart. Yes of course B III but let’s look at humans. My “father” that’s more predatory dominance. I feel like less of a real man, depending on him. There, of course, is the job I despise. If I lose it, I’ll be wandering the desert with my dick in my hands (LANGUAGE). So yes this morning, the man in the mirror, well the shower SIGH. I’m still with NO FAP but the things I was thinking. There, now we can talk about the new girl or the others rolling around in my brain. Closing my eyes but still staring at a wall or the floor, Let’s say TWD is chock full of hot women.

Damn all these beautiful girls as the song goes, oh and work. Missed a huddle but Standing With A Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 030 ~Four On Will’s Fairway~

Last week I talked about counting on me, and today it’s been hours at work, seven new Pinterest boards I believe, and I didn’t even broach the subject of a million dollars in one month, still not published. Four On Will’s Fairway.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Log 030 ~Four On Will’s Fairway~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and like Eric Thomas, I don’t play golf. Here I was expecting four days off when I have six. Sticking with the four though, I won’t tell you the story of “The Big D,” SIGH. For the record that was the first time, I fell in love. It’s why once upon a time Four was a lucky number as in Group 4. Should I tell you about Group Five Photosports; hell I wish. Yeah, I already broke down again. Fear The Walking Dead fantasies plus Kneeling Kinkster Kennedy. Let’s also add Kosame Dash: Letting It Air Out “Public Pickups” and some Angie Varona for good measure.

Never thought about it before but is that why I’m partial to the numbers three and five? You must forgive my scatterbrain, hell I’m going to need it over the next few days. For now, only one thing has been on my mind, and that’s walking out. I told “Cherry” a bit of this, but I got asked to come in today at the Day Job. Low and behold the first question out of the Manager’s mouth is “what are you doing today?” Dammit, Inspector Echo (LANGUAGE) I’m dominant for a reason. I like what I like; I know what I want. Well, “MILF Dos” might disagree, but I have quite the imagination. Anyway, so I blow up at her and the flower child and leave work thirty minutes early. So of course you know I have to worry this week and the next; it happens. Here’s the worrying list:

One job, one source of income, I can’t get fired.

Two girls I yelled at and two lives to worry about, me and B III

Three tacos from Burger King, they suck, Taco Bell forever

Four women that got me FAPPING again well six actually

Five tasks I did accomplish at the Day Job. Shelves cleaned, Trash, Upstairs hardware, Candles and Avengers display set-up, Stockroom

Only it’s never enough. I always tell myself. Hell, I was so out of it this morning with the fantasy and the madness. I didn’t make the bed, and when I got back hell, I’ve been zoned out. I value myself and my time, but I ate those nasty tacos and played around on Pinterest. 158 Sections on one board.

Forgive me Inspector Echo, like Trump, Four On Will’s Fairway

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 314 ~Get Will Soon Card~

Can’t decide or a healthy adult male, if I had Christian Grey money or one of the many billionaires I read about, most girls would call me Mr. Right and Dr. Feelgood. Now I’m the cure to things people won’t do, and B III can’t do. Get Will Soon Card.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Episode 314 ~Get Will Soon Card~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or I should be. The reason is that my shift at work still has people fighting to take it (Positive Vibes). Though even if I were sick, I don’t think I’ve ever received a Get Well card. Don’t get me wrong Lady Lu; I’m grateful. I’ve never spent twenty-four hours in a hospital, and B III is going to live forever. I’m calling it now; my son knows how to live.

However, like most he has the Get Will Soon Card, never leave “home” without it literally. If he wants to go for his walk I’m taking him, anywhere else (the pet shop/vet visits) we’re together. What about the day job? I get calls all the time, and again I’m thankful for the usual hours. Next week I’ll have more than enough to make up for Norton, but we’ll get back to them in a moment. I think the UNIVERSE is conspiring to save me money. I’ve filled you in on The Cosplayer quitting. What about my ice cream melting while I waited for food from one of my favorite restaurants. Closing for good, owners retiring.

In all fairness, I don’t write or send Get “Well” Soon Cards myself. Only the receipt I got for new boots because for damn sure I needed them. Falling apart, smell making me sick, my poor feet but I was too greedy to want to buy more. That’s until just yesterday. Speaking of greedy, Norton tried to make me feel better. So they sent me a $25 Amazon card. I promise not to spend it on a girl wanting to see her boobies. Where was I a minute ago? Yeah as far as boobs are concerned; while one redhead said no, the other is all in. So now I have to get to work, you know I don’t like letting pretty girls down, and in four months I want seven figures, so here I am.

From the bed to the table. All on the grounds of getting to a bigger bed and much softer pillows if you know what I mean. So I can experiment with my “Red Dawn” fantasy. The name isn’t original, but neither is “Girls That (William Fell…) For” Winterfell ha. Sigh my latest novel doesn’t even have a name for now.

Grateful and sick of this life, Get Will Soon Card.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 307 ~The Fourth Hour Will~

What time did I get out of bed this morning, when did I take my hand out my pants, who am I, and Why did I start writing, and where? I’m at my table as confusing as ever but positive vibes at this time. “The Fourth Hour Will”

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Episode 307 ~The Fourth Hour Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and that means being Mr. No Days Off instead of Mr. I Don’t Feel Like It. Today May The Fourth Be With You. Happy Birthday to “Indiana Gone.” Here’s to the four months I have to cash my check. A toast to the memories of “DC.”

I read somewhere a day ago that being a real adult means being tired no matter how much sleep you get. Besides that keeping me in bed there’s let’s say other not nice things. Plenty keeping me down but still thirty-two days of NO FAP. I continue thinking about missing the deadline for my short story. I need to write a review for Booksmart. I received an invite to Amazon Vine. These conversations My Lady are pushing all day events now. I swear my novel was quicker but heading into the fourth hour. Still, I press on with Yahoo scares, Cloud Services, Apple, and even this place. I mean “fuck” (Language) I want to be known. Only I don’t know whether this is worry, just my imagination or paranoia. If I were a better man, I wouldn’t need to struggle at all. Between “The Keys To Life,” “Temptations End,” “Apocalypse Rush,” “Pay Two Plague.” I add my number five novel to that count. Two hundred fifty thousand words, add in you and the others and my 120,000 worded story. OMG!!!

I am grateful Lady Luna.

Excuse me for sounding like a petulant child. A complaining teen, a worry wart, and an entitled celebrity as I do have a million dollars. I’m a man, a writer, and a survivor. More to the point a winner. Once again I’m going to be a bestselling author. A brothel owner, boss of a “love hotel” in the states. With a plethora of cosplayers and pornstars making movies and shows on my network. Big dog, big nuts as Lamar Davis would put it. A boss hog like the mayor. A businessman and I need to put the ladies man aside until I finish phase one. Which I should tell myself tomorrow. Today there is so much to do though between this conversation. Again a review I’m bound to do. My emails to Alice Little and Ruby Rae. Oh, answering that invitation. Books, as much as I enjoy reading, hopefully not because the fourth is with me, The Fourth Hour Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 166 ~Wills I Never Read~

I haven’t taken time to read lately, maybe because the truth absorbs me rather than fiction, let’s be real most words nowadays… hell, I’m creative, and others are liars and my look what time it is. “Wills I Never Read” but met hmm

Friday, December 14, 2018

Episode 166 ~Wills I Never Read~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars is something I never read about, seriously My Lady if you want to know where such a wish came from, there was a song “If I Had A $1,000,000” one of my Motivations “What If” and today it was the time on my schedule, but wait.

I never read the receipts when I was a child, I honestly don’t remember reading about Santa Claus but both I can put on my parents; a blessing or a curse but I should be grateful, I AM, yes I AM. Until there was Sticker Shock and if I knew then Lady Sophia how much it costs to live… hell, I never read those boxes of sleeping pills or NyQuil, I never understood the fine print of The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, been there before.

Speaking of things that will get me into Hell, there wasn’t a time in school that I read about sex, I only saw a few graphic pictures, I heard words like Rape, Sin, No Means No, the thoughts in my head echoed, pervert, stalker, criminal, evil, still do sometimes. It was when I started reading when I began educating myself honestly on BDSM, SSC, RACK, Ravishment; when I learned about Hentai, Erotica, my company Second Circle Creations, when I decided to take back my name, which I still hate looking at from time to time.

Damn the numbers though, more like fuck the numbers (Captain America says “Language”) today is Friday, not Thursday and that’s part of the reason I’m irritated, irate, irrational, damn near having an anxiety attack at 6:00 in the morning. I promised myself I would get up at 4:00 “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life” and at 1:00 this afternoon I have to call into the day job and if it’s not good news at 3:00 bring on the panic attack.

You see Lady Sophia these are the men I never read about, but they all exist; I complained to a math tutor that if only math was like reading and I can’t read IBC Root Beer labels without thinking about lying to my “father” about my math homework and getting smacked. I can’t read my son’s face but “B III” tells me it’s time to get up for Walkies, I can’t read the sun in the sky, and nowhere is it written to learn why I get up at all… LOVE, for him, for myself, for some girl I’m not sure may live. I’ll never read about when I may gain a pardon from the mortal coil, my bank account will never speak of freedom, my soul shall never write about happiness, but someday he’ll be here; only one more of
Wills I Never Read.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

We’re counting on you, nope no one has ever said that to me or placed a price on my head but all these numbers swimming around in my head, remind me of doing Inventory at the day job and when will I stop looking at these digits. “Win, Will It Count.”

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Episode 146 ~Win, Will It Count~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe when I stop counting the hours I work and ignoring those I sleep, how about doing something other than the bare minimum for my writing; when will I start adding up the victories instead of hoping for that one day. If anything I’ve Seen Better Days, this morning I was set to declare victory in the bug war, but the battle rages on, “B III” is mad about his medication for some hours and don’t even get me started about No Nut November Lady Lu.

If anything the only number that truly matters nowadays is my NaNoWriMo score, and again I’m not going to count that as a victory as of yet considering everything else that’s crashed and burned. Take my day job for example, how many days have I slid in under the wire because of a lack of sleep, the temperature, and whatever scientific products they put in all those sprays to melt ice. Should we talk about the money situation, I swear, I am doing more math than any class, but of course I have no right to complain, other than planning on a shower, why is that not happening friend, again?

Last night, definitely goes on the top ten of worse nights ever, from being in a knot about one bitch, almost getting fired, and how many sleeping pills did I take one night only to survive up until now. How many Youtube videos have I watched in the name of motivation, when’s the last time I heard from “Indiana Gone” or “Okay” and when will I go back to eating some solid meals. I don’t know what to tell you Lady Lu; it’s almost as if the price to breathe had gone up, three breaths when it was only one, a cadre of ants, when we were once looking at two, getting up at 1:55 AM because my kid threw his schedule out of whack.

An unfortunate choice of words because I haven’t gone twenty-four hours, I need something, and I wish I could say my story was that sexy or I was reading something as such but no, and hell it’s not even like I need the clarity. What can I count on that doesn’t make me miserable I ask, possibly counting my son’s breaths when we’re not fighting about his meds, that’s one, NaNoWriMo… Win, Will It Count?

“Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don’t care.” Judith Grimes

I Will Have No Fear