Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

A great man once sang “stand up for your rights,” and someone else said if you won’t stand for something; well these two legs can take me places but my eyes are looking down, though things get an inevitable rise out of me. Standing With A Willie

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and no my mind isn’t in the gutter. Okay, truth be told another cosplayer “Jada Jinxx.” We’ll get to the begging portion of the program soon enough. Today I want to talk about courage, the strength to stand. Hard when you can’t stand the man in the mirror; neither can they.

Up against the wall mother; yes, I looked that up. That’s how I was at work today, nowhere to go and nothing to do there. So I redid two of the walls of hanging crap, paintings, metal décor, etc. Staring at the wall meant I didn’t have to look at people. Not that I could even if I wanted to anyway. My eyes are conscientious objectors in this war for my life. On the other hand, they could be living in 3017. That’s me looking at the dirt or how long it would take me to find courage. Is it any wonder I write dystopias? How about the only life after death, I believe in is zombies? Anyway, so I’m working from one wall to the next. I’m getting all these backstabbers complimenting behind my back. Like I’m any better; should have seen me yesterday. Someone knocked on my door, and I had my knife behind me, saving people time.

You know for finding reasons to fire me at some point. In writing Inspector Echo, I’m an army of one. Army, again look at the title. I was channeling Ellie Goulding’s song. I wish I could say I had someone I counted on with all my heart. Yes of course B III but let’s look at humans. My “father” that’s more predatory dominance. I feel like less of a real man, depending on him. There, of course, is the job I despise. If I lose it, I’ll be wandering the desert with my dick in my hands (LANGUAGE). So yes this morning, the man in the mirror, well the shower SIGH. I’m still with NO FAP but the things I was thinking. There, now we can talk about the new girl or the others rolling around in my brain. Closing my eyes but still staring at a wall or the floor, Let’s say TWD is chock full of hot women.

Damn all these beautiful girls as the song goes, oh and work. Missed a huddle but Standing With A Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

I think I was more like Brutus today because I completely butchered my feelings today but is it not ambitious to try once every week talking to the future wife, yeah that’s a job position nobody wants, Step Into My World. “Caesar Was Ambitious Will.”

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe B III should have kids and though I agree with decreasing the surplus population as in spay and neutering “pets” I would never have that done to him and besides like father like son. We both aren’t ones to trust; you remember I would say, if you’re not my dog, my girl, or applying for the position don’t touch me and what anniversary is it again, just kidding but yes my love, you get the job, good night, good luck.

You see Caesar didn’t have anyone to cover him, but I have you, Caesar wanted the world, and you’re mine, and the Caesar salad… I think that is for Caesar Cardini actually, but you know I make a mean grilled chicken salad. One of many things I learned to make though I can’t say I have much range in the kitchen only the fact baby girl that I was willing to wish on every star in the night sky. Hold my breath until I found the right word, that I fell for you, Caesar was never so ambitious; he wanted the world, I wanted you. He landed at the feet of men, and how you love were lost in a graveyard; yeah pretty dark but how many men have wanted to win your heart and the fact is that Here And Now, I’m Still Standing.

Why… because of our little ones that want “Yoda” rides, or must my back remain strong to carry Triple B in his old age, hell I had to get stronger to bring you over the threshold, (I say that before Valentine’s Day, seriously gulp) maybe me and Caesar are more alike. Could it be that I wanted to wear a cape for once and be a superhero, you’re not in distress, you would be a great zombie apocalypse partner, or I can no longer deny that there is a Heaven when I lie down in bed and look In Your Eyes. The fact is I have chased everything under the sun because I wanted more for me, then for you, then for us and am I only now realizing I have it all right now.

You’ve Got It All over him, blood, sweat, and tears I’m sure and what’s that old saying, what doesn’t kill you… I’ve always found it funny that the first moments of love are like that, again falling, heart skips a beat, Take My Breath Away and all that. Caesar didn’t expect to die and still to be with you is Heaven; even if I conquered the world, you are mine, and the rest is yours, yet Caesar Was Ambitious Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Honestly, I did not think I was going here today, more like little head instead of the big head, but what about a furry one, I should go to “PetSmart” more on Sundays no doubt, but I have my son, and I stand by him. Stand At Attention Will.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become the Secretary of Defense; believe it or not, there was a time in my life Lady Lu that I said those words out loud, I also wanted to be a war correspondent and as you recall I did a brief stint in the Navy. The words are Military Bearing; do you know why I tend to make all these “personalities” female save for one; I don’t think in my life there has been one man in my environment that I have honestly respected, on a personal level I will say.

Today I was at PetSmart picking up B III’s meds, and they had an adoption thing, and I saw the cutest little dog; this furbaby was a few inches taller than my son. Oh to let dear Trible B have a few years taken back on him, return to puppy form I’d give him a sibling. My father never taught me about how to be a man, he threatened to kill me before going into the military, I thought maybe they would educate me, but I left, one uncle cheated on his wife, another married in and murdered my mom’s sister. Never met my great grandfather’s, paternal granddad wasn’t there, maternal grandfather got divorced, another uncle shot and can’t stand, one more not indeed an uncle, don’t know him, or my older half-brother, “father” beat my mother too you know.

Okay so back to B III and as I stood there, a bag full of over a hundred pills, over three months that I wouldn’t hesitate to buy again and I saw this other dog that needs a home, a family and if my little one wasn’t so old, ornery, and obstinate… Anyway so I’m driving, and I’m listening to my motivations, talking about not letting the past control you and I think of how I am and my son and our future, and there it is his obituary coming to mind. Everything I want to say to him, that it has been my honor and privilege to be his father, that if I have a chance in Hell of getting to Heaven, it will be but a word from him, and that I’m sorry I failed him. No mother, no two-legged siblings to protect, I didn’t give him the home that he ever deserved.

I’ve said before I owe Will Smith my life and as far as my “father” a man must look after his family but it was my little boy, who is a greater man than I could have possibly hoped to raise, who taught me about love, life, even lungs as I watch him breathe and I can. I love him like pancakes I always say because I couldn’t love him more if I poured the “Bisquick” and we have walked together, fought, lived and if there is any man I honestly do respect and would follow it’s my son, pathetic huh but not father, flag, or female has gotten so much; Stand At Attention Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 219 ~Will Walk With Me~

“Run boy run” as the song goes and the sitting down only gives me more time to think about the job I’m running away from or getting kicked out of, what about exercise and then again Office Space much? “Will Walk With Me”

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Episode 219 ~Will Walk With Me~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, talk in a funny voice, maybe like the first time I asked you out, that moment at your door, how about getting a word in edgewise when we took B III for a walk. As always I am a traditionalist so was it standing there waiting for you or watching you walk down that aisle, the running to be by your side when I honestly “poured the Bisquick” and ta-da more kids, and then there are days like these my love.

You know how I guard my words but truthfully, walking up to you… it was like a graveyard at night, the first charge of a battle, taking Dante’s place in the Inferno but what did I expect wanting to reach an angel. It was wanting your company more than the air that I breathe and yet feeling like I’ve run a marathon, every breath, knock knees, heartbeats cascading with every footstep. “THEY,” say dogs know people but my little boy, “He Don’t Love You Like I Love You,” but with all his barking and pulling, hell that was an easy walk, and I took your hand in mine… where are we going, we didn’t ask.

All I know is that I wanted you beside me and again, I’m for tradition but not a church guy and yet there I was to know Heaven’s Light, and I asked myself what took me so long, time to make turtle soup, give up childish things. Only I’m not feeling my age; I want to teach the kids about Star Wars, rush back and forth watching The Walking Dead, even stand in line for movies the likes of Trolls. Today though all I want to ever know in this life is I’m Coming Home To You to rant, rave, respite, and relief lie imminent, to find rest, a moment where I never need travel.

It’s amazing how many steps I’ve taken for people that don’t give a shit about me (yeah I don’t like swearing, intelligent but a bit pedestrian) so the question is why did it take me so long to move towards, well something, someone that I love? Sometimes I’m not the man I want to be, sometimes I think I’m not the man you need, and when I was a boy it was walking no running, we can just lay here, only my love can you ask, Will Walk With Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

I talked about taking ten steps last week, and now I don’t know whether to stand or run, but at the end of the day I can’t lie down, but isn’t that what I did at work today *sigh* then again I might need that breath. People Lie, Don’t Stand There now

Monday, April 02, 2018

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

Twenty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, but I am not dead yet which is one of the meanings of this rule; this is but another way to say that I will not join the dead. I will not wait my turn; I will not mourn my life away or even dance on their graves as much as I may want to. The second concept of this rule is a lesson I learned again today, people will lie about you, people will want you to stand for this, but if you hold to their lies what else can you do but fall?

“ let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” Kylo Ren

Given my many chances with death or maybe just this moment, I don’t want to die, the plethora of zombie entertainment shows an overwhelming majority when faced with the dead, stand and fight, or they run, but all choose to live. I have never been one to mourn the dead, my grandmother, aunts, more family, and maybe you could call me heartless, but I do not wallow in tears or even blood, because I can’t swim, there’s a rule in there somewhere, right? Once those that hurt me are gone why do they deserve another drop of sweat, I got my quart of blood, in the end, I need only move on, always keep moving.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now call me a hypocrite but in the same token when somebody lies on me, sweeps something under the rug, I move and I find another place to stand; take my general manager today, what did he make me out to be today, a coward. A man would have moved, a man would have gotten in his face and asked him, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to, does this man think he can call me out like this, an on a racial note a black man tearing another black man down. Allow me to break a bit of a personal record since I haven’t mentioned that bitch in a while but my name is Will, capital WILL and I’m not skeevy, creepy, or some would-be obsessive. She’s not worth the time; I’m just a stupid guy that liked a more idiotic girl.

Some falsehoods should be lying in the dirt, that doesn’t mean you have to dig each one up and the ones that you do, you expose, no more skeletons will find a home in my closet. No more masks either, as I ponder which one to wear today because I know the truth don’t I, People Lie, Don’t Stand There.
“Truth is singular. Its “versions” are mistruths.” Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 076 ~How Are You Lost~

I wonder which is bigger, the world or my own head, if anything at least the world comes with maps and there are plenty of places to run but why the hell am I running anyway. How Are You Lost, the heart knows its direction, breath too, and Will?

Friday, September 15, 2017

Lesson 076 ~How Are You Lost~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, and no sense of direction though everything else knows exactly the way to go, perhaps I should rethink this whole no fear scenario if anything it’s good exercise. You know that when I was back in school, I liked to run, learned to run actually but there was a freedom in it, and somewhere along the way I discovered a fine line between running to something and running away from something and I crossed it.

“We’re not built to kill. We don’t have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD, that didn’t happen because we’re comfortable with killing. We’re not. We can’t be. We feel. We’re connected. You know, I’ve interviewed over 825 people who’ve done terrible things. I’ve only met one evil person. Some of them were born with bad brains. Some of them got sick along the way. The rest were just damaged people. Traumatized themselves like you, but they could heal. Some more, some less, but they can. We all can. I know it. It’s all a circle and everything gets a return.” Eastman – Here’s Not Here, TWD

To think fifteen days ago I figured I knew exactly where I was going and now well… I’m slogging through, I honestly should be doing better than this but at least I’m moving forward and what else is a guy should be doing? At work today I felt that old fear creep up inside of me, you know the one I’ve been running from, some things you just can’t outrun, you just have to take it step by step. On the other hand, I talk about being dominant and a dominant doesn’t move for anybody, no he stands, a submissive must move according to his will and that is power.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Sharon, Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now I don’t fancy myself a philosopher Lady Lu but there I was just standing there at work and you know what I realized, the heart moves forward, you breathe in but you must breathe out, we are not born with eyes in the backs of our heads, and other parts of the anatomy point the way forward. So today’s lesson, how am I lost, I’m thinking about going one way because it’s faster, another way because I want to face my fears but you know what the correct answer is, I should go wherever I please. It’s okay to be lost but it’s not okay to let fear or some proof of courage direct your feet ever, live brave.

“I don’t think that a person should run unless he’s being chased.

Being chased. I like that.” The Faculty (1998)

Not even a submissive does that, a Sub may fear to disappoint her Dom but she moves because she chooses to of her own accord. Have you noticed that I’m getting braver with these references or maybe it’s because I know that nobody is coming by to check, not yet?
What have I learned today, maybe I’m not so much lost as I am adjusting my path, even if that just means choosing a direction and of course forward is good, How Are You Lost?

“The pessimist looks down and loses his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” King Ezekiel, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

Some People, NOT Me

Do I still question how they see me; to be honest they barely do anymore except the occasional text to see that I’m still above ground, still they’re dirty little secret, even from myself nowadays. “Some People, NOT Me”, I’m my own worse critic.

Some people… more than one
Laugh and fear and hate… me
For fun?
My crime is making a “we”
When I’m they’re son
Not the whole world, see

Just some people… not just a few
Over twenty-seven years
Make it their mission for me to lose
The cause of all my tears
Should have been born blue
Maybe I wouldn’t get the sneers

Of some people… more than a dozen
Flesh and blood, a “family”
Mommy, Daddy, Sister, Cousin
Don’t make me happy
Brothers, sisters, all the others
Skin like theirs… no one like me

Because of some people… not most
Look at me, like a diseased rat
Make me doubt, so I don’t know
And tear me down with their attacks
Hate my birth and make me want to go
Not Muslims, Republicans, I’m talking at

But some people… and not the whole damn world
Those from royalty, to slavery, to today, and me
Ashamed and filled with hate for sure
And why shouldn’t I be
Say I’m worthless and I’m no good
The man in the mirror, that I see

Some people won’t understand
They and I are enemies
Dare I say, “I AM A MAN”?
Who is it that cannot see?
My character they cannot stand
And who am I supposed to be
“You people” won’t understand
Some People, NOT Me

Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Nobody’s Fuel

When I was a kid and hell even now I always heard that the way to handle a bully was to stand up to them, otherwise they keep coming, they won’t ever stop, it won’t ever stop. Nobody’s Fuel, the ride has to end somewhere

And I will be nobody’s fuel
What’s so funny?
Am I a joke to you?
Clown, Jester, do you think I’m a Mime?
Or is it just my face

because don’t I wish
I was that much of a fool
When it’s just me maybe
That makes you spill your guts
In one way or another

Whether it’s the latest rumor
Wait please not so fast
while you’ve been so cruel
Can’t I be World War III
Remember all the things you said

Let’s share nightmares
So scary right, so angry yes
But where you gonna run
Could I call this a duel?
No, won’t you stay with me

As what you did wasn’t cool
In fact, it was downright skeevy
Only don’t take it back
No way to move forward
I’m nobody’s fuel for tears

What I am is standing right here

Copyright © 2017 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.