Tag: Human

Chronicle 116 ~A Gods Weakness Is No~

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I’m nobody, and yet they say God will come for me. He cares enough, but I get sent to Hell for refusing to Kowtow if I say no. I take my own licks, and I’ve been there and done that, going on 267 Days. Who knew I was so strong… A Gods Weakness Is No.

Monday, October 25, 2021

Chronicle 116 ~A Gods Weakness Is No~

Two-Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have everything I want. My grandma said that I had too much pride…

When I look in the mirror, I know that ain’t true at all. How about the fact that I’m sitting here in blankets on a Friday afternoon? I will be again Monday after working my crappy Day Job. And knowing all this, I will not fall to my knees and ask for God’s help now? Madam, as if this story needs retelling, I haven’t called on God since Braxton’s passing. Don’t I mean murder? The fact is I’m not asking after God for anything to do with me. It’s not pride, ok. Um, Madam, the things that impress me in this life. Yup, called Yabbos. To paraphrase a song AHEM, “I got ninety-nine wants but a God ain’t one,” ha.

M Anime wouldn’t want me saying that. I’ve been thinking about the things I shouldn’t speak. More like the stuff I shouldn’t do. Do you think the loss of my son was God’s Wrath? 267 days and I haven’t blamed him, her, it, whatever. It feels so damn good, J. Today thoughts turn to the fucking ASM. Whether he was blessed or cursed, he’s gone. So I say “whatever,” as much as I damn well please, and I’m sure I got fries back here too. Here’s hoping I’m also keeping my dick in my pants after today. I mentioned Yabbos. Madam, as pathetic as I am as a human being, I’m not calling on God. Hell, most days, I drift back and forth. Atheism, Agnosticism

Like in “The Road,” to some, Braxton was an angel; to me, he was/is a God. I told him no plenty, but from the first day, I saw him. Yes was my only answer. Now for the record, I did have somewhat of a “Religious Reawakening,” a “Second Renaissance.” Hellish!!! Now, of course, I mean high school. If God could have got me out of that one, I’d be his. What is it they say, God helps those who help themselves? Only I’m still sitting here, aren’t I? Again a soft dick, compliments of such and such’s Yabbos. I need to answer nature’s call. And all I want to do is sleep. Could God help me out? Nope, but Braxton… Such is my greatest sin. A Gods Weakness Is No

“I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.” ― Jareth from Labyrinth (1986)

267 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 109 ~Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport~

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I don’t care for hunting. For food, okay. But killing majestic beasts as you want to man-up or because it’s Human Nature. The Most Dangerous Game? The only “life” I’ve taken had four legs and loved me the most. Humans eww. Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport

Monday, October 18, 2021

Chronicle 109 ~Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport~

Two-Hundred And Tenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t hunt people. On the one hand, some girls disagree. On the other, my aunt.

She for sure thought I was going to be a supervillain and wanted to destroy the planet. Me, the guy that’s so afraid to be in charge at work. Who’s thinking about every little thing that he screwed up the last time he was there? What did she know, considering…? Well, we won’t get into that. Let’s say that I haven’t killed anybody. Wait, no, scratch that. The things I can no longer speak. I have never been in a car wreck, but that changed some months back. Yeah, remember, Sunday, January 31, 2021, I killed my best friend, Braxton. A dangerous thought of what I wanted before I knew Braxton was dying, so I won’t voice it. Only if anyone deserves “something” that’s me.

Hell, I ain’t worth much except to a scammer. I swear I like books, but how many people have I had to block on Goodreads? While we’re on the subject, what am I reading now? In case you didn’t know, AHEM “Time-Travel.” Today is Saturday which means, as always, this week is going to suck. So again, what will I be thinking about in Hell? Dystopian Girls 2? Mason doesn’t hunt for girls but somehow finds them. Or speak of some tiddies, and they appear. A.J. Markam’s books have me looking up the Kama Sutra. There are also more Harem Romances. Hunting, Looking, Stalking, as I told Lady Luna today, I’m lost. I’m not chasing anything but my destruction. my Lazy Ass, come Find Me.

For the record, I don’t care for hunting. Unless we’re talking about something like Squid Game where things are “equal.” Humanity has lost sight of that. Now, Braxton, he was my pack, and I did what I did to make sure he would live… Other people, why are they there? That’s why the world is so dangerous. It’s all one big game of “Who’s The Better Killer.” We’re all fighting the same enemy, people, that is. One man said it was Hate, but no, Madam, you start at the root, and that is Fear. Braxton feared nothing… Well, his own kind, leaving me, and then only me. I killed and got nothing for it. Beasts have reasons, yet people survive. Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport.

260 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 102 ~Perfection Is Forged Through Hell~

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In a song, there’s the line “the road to Heaven, is paved through Hell.” Dante had Virgil, and I had B, and the clear path has been lost. My boy wouldn’t go to Hell unless Cerberus retired. Plus, B III was perfect. “Perfection Is Forged Through Hell”

Monday, October 11, 2021

Chronicle 102 ~Perfection Is Forged Through Hell~

Two-Hundred And Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. If the current crop of billionaires is any sign, I know where I’m going. I deserve it.

Seeing as how we’re talking on a Sunday, you know where I’ll be. It’s not going to Hell but more like going through the different circles. Of course, when I meet my demise, I will see Circle Nine for my Treachery. I’m sure you’re asking, aren’t you an atheist friend? Where’s Braxton in all this? How many groups am I a part of telling me that my son has crossed the Rainbow Bridge? He’s on it or waiting for me? Now I could burst out singing, I got Faith of the Heart. As far as God is concerned, I think I understand, Madam Justice. One more reason I’m going to Hell. Because what if anything do I conceive, hmm? For one, perfection lies in Hell.

Not my son Braxton. He would want to be where I am, so I tried to clean up my act. With what I did to him, taking his life, and yes, I’ve heard it all. It was an act of love, kindness, mercy. In my eyes, B was perfect but did he ask for mercy, freedom? B asked for Home. So this leads me back to God, and no, not like that. While I’m busy ripping off movies like Braveheart, how about The Ten Commandments. It’s like I’m Moses in the burning desert. I should look up how long Moses was in the wilderness. I have 253 Days of experience. Is “God” preparing me for a purpose? One that I could not share with Braxton.

It’s not OnlyFans for sure, but his cute face would have more fans than me. Hell, while I’ve been sitting here at the dining room table, I’ve gotten all sorts of ideas. Yeah, it ain’t writing, Burning paper, another taste of Hell. I’ll be amazed if I’m prepared… Day Job. They have said that the Squid Game is a look at Hell. Oh my took the guy ten years, ha. There’s my Envy popping up. I have had the Day Job for a decade, and what do I have, J? Even now, I could sit right in the Den and not do a damn thing. Cocoon myself in the Bed. Treachery is ice cold, you know, that is my punishment. Perfection Is Forged Through Hell

253 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 095 ~Knocking, Takes Finesse, Doors, Boots~

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I’ll show you a door; you’re the one who has to walk through. I’d tell B I’d never leave for the Day Job again. I hate that door; B hated car doors. Did he know neither of us would look at the front door the same? Knocking Takes Finesse, Doors, Boots

Monday, October 4, 2021

Chronicle 095 ~Knocking, Takes Finesse, Doors, Boots~

Two-Hundred And Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford one of those RING doorbells. Only people knocking here want my money.

Hell, the only doors I’m knocking on are for places I don’t want to be. Well, if you’re destined for Hell, you might as well get there early. You know I hate the crowds, Madam. I got the sins, no doubt. Yet the fact we’re here now J, on the 2nd ha-ha. Sigh Time Travel. That’s sort of what the Den has become. My Time Machine. I ain’t the smartest man (not STUPID). But working the thermostat, managing money, being a good Daddy. The Den is the warmest room in the house with the door closed. Today I miss Braxton’s scratching. I only shut it when he was here because I was mad. Otherwise, with his warmth… Cold, what Cold? I can’t feel a thing.

Hell, I deserve to get sick. I remember sitting there, my feet frozen in place and at the same time beating a path straight to Hell. As the needles took B; disease, vaccine, rejected me. So I won’t get COVID; for once, I was hoping the Republicans were right, and I would die. It’s not like I’m getting laid anytime soon. Knocking boots, as the kids would say. I don’t wear them or anything else, considering what I’m doing. I did have dreams of being a porn star once upon a time. For right now, I want to stay behind closed doors in the Den. Here I am, though, talking to you today because of all the knocking I’ll do. That I’ve done already, Madam.

Edward Norton kicked his own ass in Fight Club. Ain’t that something, Madam. I forgot knocking heads, and somehow the ASM reminds me every time I see his fucking face. Only I never grew into a violent person except against myself. I skipped all the self-harm and went right to, let’s say, the heart of the matter. Even that I fucked up. As for fighting? Every day I’m and out for the count. Not today because I was talking to Lady Lu about a lack of sleep being punishment. We’ll see how long this lasts. Not to Sunday the 3rd. Promises and a Penis take finessing too. Pardon my language today. Am I good at any of this? Opening doors? Knocking Takes Finesse, Doors, Boots

246 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 088 ~Live Like God’s Running Late~

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I’m NOT a Believer, but with people nowadays? If the Force was an actual religion (I heard it is in places), I would be right there for it. If my Braxton was not the word of God, then God never spoke (from The Road). Live Like God’s Running Late

Monday, September 27, 2021

Chronicle 088 ~Live Like God’s Running Late~

Two-Hundred And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m going to Hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Richard Branson joined.

Now wasn’t that rude of me. To imagine how many dogs they killed? Hell, the only reason Justice that you’re being dreamed, deferred, denied, and a dozen other D-Words is this. God is running late. He, she, or it does not exist? Again, I continue to go back and forth. Now Braxton lived up to this rule. If I had any chance of getting to Paradise, B III was it. As I was busy not being a monk Sunday, I thought back to the 161 days I deemed myself “good.” Braxton gave me those. Now 239 days in without my fur baby turned angel, dammit. Madam, I’m starting with the “Man In The Mirror” today. Did I mean for that to be inspirational? More fighting.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life ― John 3:16

“All I know is the child is my warrant and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke” ― The Man, The Road

I hate that guy more than my Old Man. I’m Thirty-Seven, and with as much shit as I talk about my Olds, I would be out on the street without them. That’s an argument for there being a God. Braxton was the word of God, and you know what he said. I love you, yeah. No talk of him running late. Or was it the fact that he tried for fifteen years, a month shy of his sweet sixteen? I don’t blame him for leaving. There’s only so much he can do. Look at the man Braxton had to deal with. No, I don’t mean Onlyfans… unless? Yep, I’m stupid. I still hate that word. A word, the world. Without my B, taking an L.

I’m going to Hell. Ha, at times, I forget I’m already there. So be it for Wrath, Lust, or Sloth. My circles of choice would be between Lust, Anger, and yes, my greatest sin, Treachery. That’s what Acceptance is to me, Madam. That’s why I await God for my damnation. Please, aren’t I living it? At some point this week, things will be worse as I read my Day Job schedule. Oh, and while I’m on the subject of reading, which do you think is worse; “Connected Souls” (Dogs) or “Succubus 7: Fairy Tale.” All the time in the world to read and why shouldn’t I. 52 books in a year like I’m Bill Gates. Love, no but fucking-up to Live Like God’s Running Late.

239 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 081 ~Yesterday Was The Easy Day~

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Sad but true, even before Braxton and worse without him. It’s sort of like that movie Office Space. Every day is the worst day of my life except for Emergence, Braxton’s last day, and the Day Job anniversary. Yesterday Was The Easy Day

Monday, September 20, 2021

Chronicle 081 ~Yesterday Was The Easy Day~

Two-Hundred And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I won’t be writing at the dining room table tomorrow. I’ll be busy with humiliation.

If there’s anything to hope for while I Time Travel today, it’s this. No, not that I’ll see a fur baby at PetSmart Saturday. Today is the farthest from that, being Sunday, and I got another email about a puppy yesterday. Every day I’m farther away from B III, dammit. Um, excuse me, Madam, I need that pain. As I was trying to say, I can only hope I’ve seen the worst humiliations this world has had to offer. Only I know I haven’t. If I were smart, I would be in bed right now, soaking in whatever energy, comfort, peace to be found, yep. Despite all I have done today, the only fact is that Monday will be worse. Dare I become a prophet?

A Realist. As I said before, it will be 232 days without my son when you see this, dear Madam. It doesn’t get easier. I still have yet to see one where I wasn’t crying about him. I’d take that over living like this. It’s a horrible thought to think that Braxton was the lucky one. It should have been me. I’ve said it before that 2020 and being 36 was a cakewalk, piece of cake and easy as pie compared to the moment right now. Let’s look at today, Sunday. Besides talking to you, I got dinner started early. I worked on “Stuff and Thangs.” Madam, I took a shower. I even changed my mind between reading The Handmaid’s Tale and The Red Collar.

Compared to tomorrow or today, whatever. Madam, this whole week is going to suck. Yes, every day will be worse than the last. Braxton’s not here to lie to anymore. I only speak the truth to myself, and when it comes to the day job… I know I didn’t say Another…

“There’s too many men, too many people, making too many problems.”

My fucking Republican tendencies. They want more people until they’re born. More, unless their immigrants. Yes, more unless they have brains. People make the days harder, that is true.

“If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” ― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle.

I think that’s it… I hate days more than the people. Hating myself the most because Yesterday Was The Easy Day.

232 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 074 ~Survival’s Fact, Life Is Faith~

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I said humanity had a duty to survive but considering the direction we’re going in. I know I’m a bad man, and there have been more than enough days wishing I got what was coming to me. It’s ain’t over for me, Survival’s Fact, Life Is Faith.

Monday, September 13, 2021

Chronicle 074 ~Survival’s Fact, Life Is Faith~

Two-Hundred And Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Every day I say that; such is my faith. But my wallet… I’m mad about twenty bucks.

Hell, I’m angry about math in general. You know that song “What’s My Age Again?” Fucking Emergence Day. I remember where my father was by this age, sigh. Sleeping… nope. Like Sunday, I wake up to see I’ve lost cash on something I never use, something I don’t want. If it’s any consolation, at least it’s better than Yabbos. For the love of money, eh? Speaking of Yabbos, two words, Prom Night. Understand, I’m getting too old for this shit. But Samantha Flair “robbed” me, I’ll have to let Whitney Wright go. Oh, the Yabbos. To have faith in one pair and such faith was misplaced. The others were my bread and butter. What was it I said about feeling good yesterday? Today I’m tired.

Why shouldn’t I be? Do you see what time it is and it’s not for the Day Job? Still, today is all about survival. Most days, I don’t even worry about that much. “Humiliations Galore!” That’s what I want to avoid most days, but of course, today I need to get my haircut. So much for recouping the losses from the thievery. Funny, I think so bad of some chick. Of anybody when I need only say his name. Braxton. Oh, did you think I forgot my son? Talk about Losing My Religion, but we’ll get to that. It’s Day 225. How many more, hmm? As long as I keep myself alive. No, this isn’t living. As always, Madam, these words, are they living, breathing?

It’s like The Scorpion and the Frog, Toad, Boy, Goose, whatever. To cause pain, and yet I had two lives to keep alive, two men that I trusted. If anything, B III had enough faith for the both of us. Honestly, it’s not going back to the days when B III was alive. I want to go back to survival as routine. When I’m not, I hate the man that I am. There’s a rule for that, you know, ok. Rule Four: Hate Will Keep You Alive. Do I need to go into Rule Five? I see why hate is so prominent. As the song goes, I’m only “Human.” That’s in dispute, depending upon who you ask. Braxton isn’t here anymore, but he had/has faith. Survival’s Fact, Life Is Faith

225 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

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I’m not sure I did it and almost doesn’t count, but I spent nearly eight hours today surviving so that one day I might live, and what would I do with that time… I have plenty of could be classics ready to go ha. “Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.”

Monday, March 11, 2019

Episode 253 ~Being Alive Is Quite Expensive~

Seventy-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, in a word from Darius Rucker “Time.” In every breath, and as “THEY” always say blood, sweat, and tears. Forgoing any other bodily fluids but we’ll get to that. What about the things that make me feel alive? To be honest with you Madam Justice, death isn’t looking so bad right now but in reality. I’m only tired; as I said last week, I’m only human. Sleep is yet another addiction I’ll have to overcome, again we’ll get there.

It begins with time and how much of that am I spending on my work. Of course, I talk to my girls every day. Still on novels, news about them, nonsense that could be anything from poetry to short stories. There’s getting girls to take off their clothes. No, it wasn’t about that this morning, groaning, grinding, getting out my Fleshlight. I did Meditate, move that scale on my latest read. I even made the bed, and I’m still breathing, right. All of this to become a better “human.” Other than working up a sweat walking B III, I do feel like crying because I’m exhausted. Sadly the day has only begun, but that’s the price, and I’m so greedy.

Yesterday I made a list because I was beginning to forget all these things I’m relying on to stay. What motivated, marginalized and liking it, beats being ME. Anyway, so there’s Patreon because I wanted to look at Cosplayer boobs. Spotify because work sucks. Prime as I desired games sooner. New Brainbuddy to control my feelings towards boobs. If it’s not dollars, I again look to time. I do exercises for my mind, work that makes me want to die. FEAR though, now you wouldn’t think that being afraid and sleep would go together. No, I only see monsters when I’m awake, in the mirror.

How about when I talked about not being a thief. However, I could tell you some stories about MOTHERLESS and True Teen Babes. The way I started my porn stash. Why yes I’ve stolen things other than porn, and I’ll get more into that Wednesday. The idea is today, buying a few more hours. Begging my body to keep going, and “stealing…” well, no it’s a seven-day free trial. That’s how I’m getting by. I’m surviving, and it’s as if I have to win back my life. Somehow that price of having it to keep, Being Alive Is Quite Expensive.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

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“You did not wake up to be mediocre;” you are not average, phenomenal skill, phenomenal will, hell I would take being anything than what’s sitting on my couch, and my son is something but me? I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks

Monday, March 4, 2019

Episode 246 ~I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks~

Seventy-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, become a monster, a messiah, or a madness, hell being a writer. I have tried on all the caps, creatures, and contagious diseases to make myself more than HUMAN.

Monster sigh even more so today or don’t I wish. Again I want to give you some horrible backstory seeing as how I’m a novelist and all. Most though would declare it, Fake News, Fiction, or Flights of Fancy. Far from a fantasy or at least, it was while it was happening, so let me get this off my chest. God can I stop thinking about chest or more to the point BOOBS. The Harley Quinn cosplayer, the costly mom, a damn collection but yeah I came. Uglier than Freddy, I should wear a mask like Jason, and infected like a damn zombie but we’ll get to that. I’m a horny man, a human being.

You didn’t see me at work today; I might as well have strings coming out of my ass. (LANGUAGE) I know, but that sounds so much better than having people’s noses, nails, hell even whole heads up it. I tell you Madam Justice, the shit that comes out of my mouth (I’m Trying) is nothing compared to theirs. So I refuse to take part as I’ll drown in it and become even more disgusting as they think I am and I know I am this moment. Someone sang of the differences between monsters and man, but I am so much lower than that. Someone also said that it’s a disease this thing we call love. No this isn’t it Madam; what does this make a crazy little thing called LUST.

Madman, me, now that’s madness, and I barely call the man I see in the mirror a man. It’s like sticking a needle in my arm (which I’ve never) snorting any “powder” (Wrong white Lady Madam Justice). Or smoking something here or there, (never cigarettes) women are my addiction. For nearly two weeks, I’ve avoided any sign of you know who but yeah last night with the cosplayer. I’m not worried, being who I am I’ll be ignored. Then there are the words “Oh My Sweet Goddess” that led to my insanity, either that or Harley Quinn. But I… yeah I have a million excuses on how this day was supposed to turn out, but who could dare carry it out. A sick man like myself, a pretty girl appears and way down, we go, Human. Everyone, to our knees, be it prayer, primal instinct, or psychos; sick of this, I’m An Ordinary Human, Sucks.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

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I might as well have taken a job as a mannequin, ask for me tomorrow and I will be a grave man, and today I wish I was invisible or maybe I should have found somebody to cover for me. I Want To Be Sedated, and yeah I probably need a doctor.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

Sixty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, stay awake, if that means downing energy shots, embracing the fear, even crying; Stop Crying Your Heart Out, would say to suggest I got a heart, guts, or balls.

When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you, and with all the nightmares I have, not one of them compares to living them when I’m awake which brings us to today and while I want to cuss or use many words synonymous with my name, let’s Pretend We’re Dead. How I wish I were so I wasn’t there, a ghost at least, invisible perhaps; could I be deaf so I don’t hear my foot kicking my ass, maybe I didn’t understand my manager, probably I didn’t hear that girl; it was a rather innocuous request, give her something to remove hard tags. You know Justice I think I finally understand something about my parents… when they would give me those pills before I began flushing them down the toilet, I believe they wanted me to be normal but you know what went wrong, they killed who I was without question.

“Come on – You eat these. Eat these.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” 28 Days Later (2002)

I’ve told you before, I never got bedtime stories, during the spring and summer I got Benadryl for allergies and slept forever, at school I lost myself in novels, at work its music, other times it was meds, sometimes beatings, all to kill who I am. What about religion, what about writing? Every move I make is on the grounds of not having to face the coward I see staring back at me, so scared to ask someone their name.

Some find solace in alcohol, some in food, some in facing death but honestly when being asked to go to the front of the store and ask a question makes me want to fall? Hell Madam Justice, I have rarely taken the highway, I don’t look at fast-food menus, I wash my car rather than go and get it cleaned. Okay, this sounds more like Inspector Echo’s territory, but the fact of the matter is, well, one of my Motivations talked about how many decisions we make per day, good ones anyway and how many of mine go to how to keep breathing you understand.

How about what they call Confidence you say, that’s the real sedation, talk about not caring and staying wide awake, immunity to the world but that cure is beyond me at this point, but to quote another one of my Motivations “It’s Possible.” I never forget you understand but I can numb myself to plenty, you still remember “that girl” putting my name on her blog, the family that probably wants me dead and I’m in for trouble at work tomorrow gulp, but I’m awake, I know, feel, and believe, I Want To Be Sedated.

‘With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we’re sleeping with you. Don’t wake up. X’” 28 Days Later (2002)

I Will Have No Fear