Log 078 ~Will Be High Later~

Last week I talked about not getting drunk, but I knew a drug dealer here or there that kept me high if I wasn’t off flying to some beautiful angel walking down the hall; I swear Love is a hell of a drug. Will Be High Later.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Log 078 ~Will Be High Later~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I don’t do “those” drugs. Remind me to give the kids the don’t do drugs speech. Anyway from being lit to getting high; aren’t those synonyms? Okay, not the point I’m trying to make today. My love, an upper to me, is being able to look into your eyes. It’s looking at what I’m trying to build without being afraid. I’m the man that you can gaze at without any shame. I want the children to see me on career day and be proud to say, everyone that’s my father.

Can’t say though I’ll be invited to those if teachers know what I do in life. Hell, you know what I do and how it makes me feel so alive. It’s higher than any faith, but you are “My Goddess.” I Believe In A Thing Called Love as the song goes. Okay, I’m turning the music down. You know I get high when I’m carrying my firstborn around or any of the kids. Still, I remember the days I had to lift him when anything threatening came around. Now that’s when I became the big man, the father, the warrior, and who would want to let that go. Power in the hands of someone else and of course you know where I can go with that my love. I wonder did I run faster, running away from you or trying to reach you. Talk about Walking Tall; yeah I can do movies too baby girl.

My point is I can think of a lot of reasons to raise my head. There are things that I want to see in this life. Yes, my love a reason to get high. I want to be a better man, and yes, I should do that for myself, of course. You know that quote about knowing strength when there is no other choice. I got high again when I had to protect my boy on walks. Every day I stand whether I’m facing the camera or behind it, and I know what I have to do no doubt. I still remember when I stood right next to you on that day, we became a family. The highest I’ve ever been, down the road I’ve ever been down is when I took a step towards you and the future. Yes Love, Will Be High Later.

I Will Have No Fear

I Got Five On It, BOOK REVIEW

A girl like Rainey Summer Day deserves more than a five and what I paid for this title, I’ll say it is worth every single penny and then some; Lily White sure knows how to bring on the heat and the taboo. I Got Five On It

I Got Five On It

Now that’s no way to talk about a lady, but you should hear how Rainey Summer Day talks about herself. Indeed how Lily White speaks about everything. Now I can’t say I’m much better at what I’ve made women say about themselves. All I know is The Five is one of the dirtiest books I’ve ever read next to Lily’s “The Director.” Even that Tillie Cole title “Sick Fux.” Anyway for the gentlemen in the audience? If less is more, you get a good idea in Pure Taboo’s film “Guidance.”

Not saying guys don’t read any Erotica. Case and point still I’m one for language, or it could be the bombardment of sex in this title. Most stories are one to five ha drawn-out sex scenes. With this, you’re hit with it over and over. It’s a mishmash of fornication. Quick and to the point but never dull. You’ll be living on the edge of your seat. Though to be fair you’ll know what’s coming or rather who. Still, you’ll only want it all the more with each page that flies by to be sure. Like the character of Rainey, you’ll only crave so much more. How this title will deliver, whatever your fix is, sex, blood, a love story.

Despite everything, keep in mind that this is a love story. The typical how is the lovely girl going to get out of this predicament. Now her paramour never being the prince. Though comparing him to everyone else, is one man better or worse? The author attempts to steer you towards one. Only as you get deeper and deeper into the secrets of Rainey, you’ll say, yeah that’s not the way it’s going to go. For others that might be a fan of C.D. Reiss’s title Forbidden. It’s not a negative by any means. You’ll be rooting for Rainey, and one of the “gentlemen” leads throughout. So yeah I might end up giving it away at some point. May I have more restraint than Rainey.

There is one secret, though and I must have been too blind to see it. Until it comes out near the end, I wish I can say I was playing doctor. No, if anything, I wanted to be a customer as evil as they were towards Rainey. With this title though Lily White has easily made my top five in this genre. While I know, that doesn’t count for much. Only this is one more title of hers that I have become addicted to sigh.

Now stop me if you’ve heard this one. A young girl gets into trouble with guys, though in Rainey’s case she walked right on in. Still, because of her age, we’re to assume she’s trapped, which is true enough. I give marks to the author because of this. Sadly this might show what kind of man I am. Most of these titles the girl isn’t that young. They don’t dare to cross the line. Not Lolita young but depending on the age of consent. That didn’t stop anybody with Rainey.

So Rainey is the only survivor of a murder spree. Anyway seeing as how she’s bruised herself and tied up at the time we get to meet Justin Redding. A doctor sent to evaluate her guilt or innocence of the crime in question. Even so, most of the story is Rainey telling a tale of the Connors. Four men guilty of abusing her but the youngest Rowan. Don’t get your hopes up that isn’t the five, anyway. Rowan was the one to care for her. The story switches back and forth between Justin speaking of his interview with her. Only Rainey continues the tale and then comes the somewhat bombshell.

That’s the only negative that you’ll hear from me. Again I wasn’t looking to be surprised I was rooting for the outcome the whole time. I don’t see how the author could hold back as long as she did. Also, she has a good understanding of men. Most women would hate that men think like this. Many men might hate the casting as such, but I was sitting there. No, I wasn’t falling in love with Rainey, pity yes but yeah I would be going to Hell. Every character was covered. If anything, you are only hoping that it gets raunchier. I mean with everyone that Rainey encounters in bed or out. For example, the two detectives. Justin could set his sights elsewhere. Rather than with his subject, his obsession.

The plot isn’t new. I’m always amazed at how specific authors can spin it this way and that to tell their story. Along with the different voices, each showing a particular aspect. I would never call Rainey a heroine but a survivor. How you’ll find nothing is lacking at the end, and everyone got what they deserved. I remain sad for Rainey despite it all. I’m just as guilty as all those preyed upon her.

If I were going to recommend The Five, it would be those that study killers as a hobby the real-life stories of evil. Though there is death in this, there is so much more sex I’m sugarcoating it. Why should I, it’s a five-star masterpiece as was The Director and for the record. With that book, my beef is I can’t buy a copy to put on my bookshelf. So that was a different sort of darkness that I relished.

The truth, if you read stories the real horrors that some have experienced. If you bleed for the victims and at the same time, you want to know more. You want every visceral image. This fictional account will get you there. It’s like that scene in The Silver Linings Playbook. Pat listens to Tiffany recount her many sexual exploits and Pat gets so turned on. How you only want to take the girl on the table right there. The Five itself comes with a trigger warning. If you know anything about drugs and trading sexual favors, or abuse, you might want to skip this one. Now at the same time, it might help some heal with its way. While Rainey isn’t real, the exploits are seen every day in reality.

So why the five stars? Well other than the colorful language and the constant abuse of Rainey. How does she fulfill so many dark fantasies? Again Lily White doesn’t shy away from taboo subjects. There’s light at the end of many dark tunnels? Only I choose the darkness again and again. There is only a trace amount of a redemption arc when it comes to Rainey and spoiler alert Rowan who she chooses. Even Rowan forced his desires on her. How she never became a saint, she only delved into worse. The same with Justin, who couldn’t keep it in his pants despite wanting to come out as Rainey’s hero. In some shape or devilish form, which is why he got his ending of course.

Dare I say it was like Winston and Julia in 1984? That I can’t help wanting a Rainey of my own, now how sick is that? I know but yes I Got Five On It.

What Will You Crave Next? Book Review

Well, something is getting high when I read a title like this, and it’s the writer writing about a writer that somehow gets to me more than anything else and thoughts of having the dream girl in less than twenty-four hours? “What Will You Crave Next”

To think back to my school days. Reading was considered a crime. How dare I spend hours looking through the stacks. Like I was some addict of sorts looking for a fix. Only when I found it, put my hands on it? Well to this day, I still Crave that feeling, and that’s how I found K.M. Scott. Except instead of a library of brick and mortar; Kindle is a decent tool. Don’t judge me, some things I don’t want to repeat from school days.

It’s not every day that I peruse a novel about a writer. Why does that feel like cannibalism to me, writing about writers? Not that Crave is about such a macabre subject though it is chock full of wanting flesh. Would it be better if it was a book about drugs? Yeah, it has that, and then again it’s pretty DOPE. Yeah, guess what movie I went to see after reading K.M. Scott’s work. Might I add a first for me? So why do I bring together the idea of books and movies, seeing as how I’m no Hollywood guy. Should I call Crave such, with its drug addiction, bright lights of New York and even a celebrity sex drama?

Well, I’ll instead focus on the sex because that’s what we all came here for right. Our drug addicted protagonist of Ian Anwell, trading one vice for another. Call it infatuation, obsession, hunger, no I think K.M. Scott got the title right, no doubt. Next, we have Kristina Richards, the actress. There was a movie that said that love is an acceptable form of madness, and that’s what she is. A bit bonkers when it comes to her choice in men. Ian though, can’t seem to win no matter what, because only in a world such as this can emotions such as his be tolerated. So one would think, though he’s one for Secret Lovers.

I swear that’s the song that pops into my head when I listened to Ian speak though. This book has nothing to do with cheating unless you count Ian cheating on his dealer at any point. Or how Kristina is cheating herself out of a relationship. How much of a connection there was because again there wasn’t much of let’s say a “typical” relationship. Whatever you may hold that to be. This title is like a drug, a sweet “hit,” and then you’re left with, well a craving. So there are some sequels, yes, please.

Crave is a fast-paced love affair, with how not to win the girl. In the real world, at least. Though I know, there are so many fanboys out there that think Patreon should work this way when it comes to women. Speaking of women, it’s that double standard in a way. Well if a woman does it, we call it cute. If a man does even a quarter of it, someone calls the cops. It’s Titanic only way more sex and Jack is jonesing for more than his Rose portrait.

Now the blurb spills it but just in case spoiler alert. We have Ian, two books down, fame and fortune, looking for his next hit. Drugs, drinks, but it turns out to be a dame. The way some women get to a man, how I know the feeling. It turns out that Kristina is a big fan of Ian and of course it doesn’t take her long to shimmy out of her panties. That is if she were wearing any, allow me to play Homer Simpson for a minute drools. Next thing you know he has his new book idea and she becomes the protagonist for his work. His muse, now what did I say about writing about a writer. I did devour Crave quickly.

One of the things I both enjoyed and despised about this book was how close to home it got. As a writer myself, I’ve written about women, and I’ve seen the same thing. I didn’t mean to get so personal, but I read a lot of erotica. So it’s albeit confusing and fictional should be the keyword. But the story itself is fantastic, and well put together. Kristina did irk me some, but that’s at the end, and you’re going to have to read it yourself to find out. Only, seeing how there are three more books in the series, I hope they give details.

The end is thought out but and I say this about many titles. It’s as if the author was anxious to get to the finish line and didn’t specify what Ian’s actions meant. I get it, but I’ve read creepier things that are glossed over by the heroine. Too close to home, though I have never gone to Ian’s level. Now at least he and “Kristina” were sleeping together on the regular before she decided to bug out on him. She showed more understanding when he explained his drug addiction.

I’m not sure how many gentlemen are into these stories, but I’m always hoping it’s not only me. For women who are under the usual sway of Erotica, Crave will get you there. So to everyone else, will it leave you yearning for more? Yes, I give K.M. Scott’s Crave four stars, and I am usually a hard sell. Yes, I will be going after the rest of the series as well. Yes, I could stop, and this beats a few other vices that I have going for me indeed.

For the guys, it’s a dream come true. Imagine the hottest actress, singer, model, or cosplayer gulp you know. Now imagine you can have her in bed in less than twenty-four hours. Not knocking pizza guys, plumbers, or anybody but Ian was a bestselling author. Women, you’ll like the mad about you always gets the job done aspect. Until that desire turns into obsession and next thing you know. Cut to a guy being skeevy and wanting to get away. Crave is not a “starter” book for this genre since it jumps right in. As far as romance? Well, they did have dinner on occasion. However, the intimate aspects of the relationship are often direct.

The ending, now I fell way to fast into this story. Yes, I am counting that as a sin, I suppose when I’m looking for an escape; that’s not the author’s fault. Of course, personal preference but four stars is better than not reading it at all. It didn’t scare me away at all, for now, it’s an itch, like pizza or Chinese food from my favorite spot. You won’t regret this if you are willing to make the trip to go and get it and I will. Not like you need to take my word for it. The book, not the food ha. K.M. Scott has a library of books out and how did I get so lucky to find this one out of so many. Now it’s only leading me to many more.

A surprise from more book lovers. Like how Ian found his way to his drug addiction. By someone who liked his books and tuning into Netflix to see his woman before she even became his woman to be sure. Love if that’s what it is, was or will be between them can get you higher than anything on Earth. So I would like to take faith in but baring that for myself at the moment. I have to ask myself, What Will You Crave Next?

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

I might as well have taken a job as a mannequin, ask for me tomorrow and I will be a grave man, and today I wish I was invisible or maybe I should have found somebody to cover for me. I Want To Be Sedated, and yeah I probably need a doctor.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Episode 169 ~I Want To Be Sedated~

Sixty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, stay awake, if that means downing energy shots, embracing the fear, even crying; Stop Crying Your Heart Out, would say to suggest I got a heart, guts, or balls.

When you’re asleep, the monsters can’t get you, and with all the nightmares I have, not one of them compares to living them when I’m awake which brings us to today and while I want to cuss or use many words synonymous with my name, let’s Pretend We’re Dead. How I wish I were so I wasn’t there, a ghost at least, invisible perhaps; could I be deaf so I don’t hear my foot kicking my ass, maybe I didn’t understand my manager, probably I didn’t hear that girl; it was a rather innocuous request, give her something to remove hard tags. You know Justice I think I finally understand something about my parents… when they would give me those pills before I began flushing them down the toilet, I believe they wanted me to be normal but you know what went wrong, they killed who I was without question.

“Come on – You eat these. Eat these.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“No, sweetheart. I’m making you not care.” 28 Days Later (2002)

I’ve told you before, I never got bedtime stories, during the spring and summer I got Benadryl for allergies and slept forever, at school I lost myself in novels, at work its music, other times it was meds, sometimes beatings, all to kill who I am. What about religion, what about writing? Every move I make is on the grounds of not having to face the coward I see staring back at me, so scared to ask someone their name.

Some find solace in alcohol, some in food, some in facing death but honestly when being asked to go to the front of the store and ask a question makes me want to fall? Hell Madam Justice, I have rarely taken the highway, I don’t look at fast-food menus, I wash my car rather than go and get it cleaned. Okay, this sounds more like Inspector Echo’s territory, but the fact of the matter is, well, one of my Motivations talked about how many decisions we make per day, good ones anyway and how many of mine go to how to keep breathing you understand.

How about what they call Confidence you say, that’s the real sedation, talk about not caring and staying wide awake, immunity to the world but that cure is beyond me at this point, but to quote another one of my Motivations “It’s Possible.” I never forget you understand but I can numb myself to plenty, you still remember “that girl” putting my name on her blog, the family that probably wants me dead and I’m in for trouble at work tomorrow gulp, but I’m awake, I know, feel, and believe, I Want To Be Sedated.

‘With endless love, we left you sleeping. Now we’re sleeping with you. Don’t wake up. X’” 28 Days Later (2002)

I Will Have No Fear

Stone Cold Catch

I don’t drink to excess, and I haven’t smoked… in a few years, but I have big dreams and I don’t think I can carry them, those things are reserved for heroes, ask Lois Lane. “Stone Cold Catch”, is when you have to come down, sooner rather than later.

And how high was I
Goodbye to every star-crossed wish
kissed by the sun, big as all

falls not to the Earth
Sure were easy to take,
mistaking myself for Atlas

Madness that I have dreamed myself above
beloved superheroes
weirdo, freak, villain, pervert, so just leave me alone

Stoned simple and plain

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.