Tag: Atlas

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t want to hate, which is why I spend most days alone with the exception of the dog and sometimes I believe even he is a bit iffy when it comes to me or am I just that paranoid. Hate Will Keep You Alive, and I’m still standing huh

Monday, October 30, 2017

Lesson 121 ~Hate Will Keep You Alive~

Fourth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear of the two-part rule which I will discuss next week but part one is “hate will keep you alive”, so will love depending on how you define living. Love if anything is meant to be a gift but something you don’t have to work for… there is no such thing as a free lunch, isn’t that right Justice.

Hate, on the other hand, makes you work for it, makes you strive for it if anything mankind has proven time and again that we strive for our own destruction because we make love a job. Would you say humans created weapons out of love for others or hatred though I honestly believe love can be an incredible weapon in itself? Here’s something I’ve always hated, those people that say you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, this is a damnable lie indeed.

I think I love plenty, okay at least my dog, I love him but most days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. If something were to happen to him though by someone else’s hand I would go to war and I would rampage until justice is done and would that not be out of love for him? How many love affairs spawned from hate, Romeo & Juliet and love for each other killed them before hatred of one another’s family. Can love be taught, hatred has to be, and I’m always on the cusp of quoting Master Yoda’s teaching on fear.

Maybe I fear myself so much which leads to my hatred, I mean I hate so many and my father is at the top of that list or so I assumed a minute ago. I hate enough that I remain in a constant state of exhaustion but is love equal, I don’t love my friends but I do work to make sure their comfortable in my presence and some days I actually hate myself more because of this I think.

Hate is literally what gets me out of the bed most mornings, working a job I hate, I look at the world and I prepare myself to stand as if I were Atlas. Why is it love that makes me a coward and hate that brings forth a zest for life, for my own survival?

It could be other people, how they look at me like they are allowed to do and say whatever and call it kidding, jokes, dame near hate speech, I know, Hate Will Keep You Alive.

I Will Have No Fear

Rut On Earth

WillLeave a comment

Every day is exactly the same as the song goes but that isn’t always a bad thing, especially when you’re living with anxiety, you know just how much energy you’re going to need, you can put one foot in front of the other “Rut On Earth”

The sun can only dig so far
while the other stars play big wigs
Having so many promises to renege
upon they say what they are,
job creators, they are those kings, czars
giving me this full-time gig
asking me why I never studied trig.
How bizarre

that it doesn’t hurt
I suppose Atlas is used to the abuse
Walking, running, these combat boots
Don’t run in the grass, or play in the dirt
and if you see a pretty girl in a skirt
pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes
though the point is probably moot
Nowadays it’s a concert,

left, right, repeat, but what
if there was a way not to be a slave
to the rhythm to live brave,
nut up or shut up
Only the ground has become a slut
for punishment and how depraved
is it for me to dig my own grave
one day and a time, a rut?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Kid Rocks

WillLeave a comment

What’s my age again, what’s my age again, wait that isn’t heavy metal but all people have it in them literally, or on them, and I suppose I’m only getting heavier at my age. Kid Rocks, because am I growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut, help Atlas.

Stoned, however, it’s known
as heavy metal plays on my phone
I know I must be a pain

for Atlas carrying the Earth
Perhaps a sapphire is to blame

Because all that glitters is not gold
or silver, diamonds, and I was told
It doesn’t matter what’s in a name

A stone will crush us all the same

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Stone Cold Catch

WillLeave a comment

I don’t drink to excess, and I haven’t smoked… in a few years, but I have big dreams and I don’t think I can carry them, those things are reserved for heroes, ask Lois Lane. “Stone Cold Catch”, is when you have to come down, sooner rather than later.

And how high was I
Goodbye to every star-crossed wish
kissed by the sun, big as all

falls not to the Earth
Sure were easy to take,
mistaking myself for Atlas

Madness that I have dreamed myself above
beloved superheroes
weirdo, freak, villain, pervert, so just leave me alone

Stoned simple and plain

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 044 ~Resilience~

WillLeave a comment

This is pretty much my status quo, rambling on about anything and nothing but at least I get to see myself do and read how crazy I was but I survive. Resilience, the word just seems to be my nature, taking everything and just holding on because.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Lesson 044 ~Resilience~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, you know the expression your body is a temple… yeah, mine is more a dystopian wasteland that I’ve just learned to navigate, and windows the windows are clean and aren’t broken. My eye exam went off without a hitch, no better, no worse, just about the same thankfully.

“You’re in love. Have a beer.

Oh, my body’s a temple.

Well, now it’s an amusement park.” – Hellboy II

About the same, in pretty much all circumstances that’s a win, hell in most parts of the world, maintaining the status quo is all that ever matters. I’ve told you that I can’t really afford better or to take such risk and yet I want Braxton to be better, but that’s what parents do with their children right. We want them to have it better than we ever did, though I’ll outlive Braxton, so it appears that way, considering species.

The thing is not so much that we are okay but that we “fake it till we make it” I’ve always hated that saying but we have to be okay because the world won’t have it any other way. Why does the world make us try so hard because we can’t bear to see another in pain… please, we see that all the time and yet I can’t stand to watch those sad commercials with animals. I even thrive on seeing how much we can take, I want to know how much a person can take and keep on wanting me, just on the fact that I do nothing and people don’t want me around.

“Now say it! You’re going to be okay. Say it! You’re going to be okay! Say the goddamn words. You’re going to be okay!

Oh, god!

Say the goddamn fucking words! Say it!

I’m okay, Larry

Correct! Correct.

I’m okay.” – from Reservoir Dogs (1992)

I told, “Indiana Gone” we are constantly saying we’re sorry but what else can we do, it’s up to the person to survive even if we intervene. We’re survivors Luna, at the end of the day we just keep going and I can only wonder what we would do if we were free of this.

Allowed to be crazy, allowed to crack, to fall to pieces, to give into the madness, the thought is rather appealing wouldn’t you say. I remember that reality show “Solitary” where one of the contestants said it was like living out what it would be like to live in an insane asylum for a time.

Anything you would do would be a result of your condition, out here I don’t talk and I’m considered crazy, in an institution, I’d still be crazy but more to the point it would be just plain normal. It is such a hassle to just hold it all together for as long as I have to, you wonder why I don’t know who I am, Lady Lu, I am just that damn good, I have to hide from everyone including myself. You know I thought I’ve been writing about a certain subject for a few days now but maybe I’m just trying to escape myself.

These walls are resilient though, too strong, too thick, this body may be a stick my mind is a fortress and as I said all that slips out is the occasional flood of tears or the miasma that normal clouds my mind. It’s the only way I survive, the only way I know how and I can see the writing on the wall and you know what it says, break here, find a way to smash through, however, I can. Now I’m not saying resilience is all bad, some things must remain standing if you stand for nothing you’ll fall for anything isn’t that right.

You just have to think that Atlas wants to put the world down from time to time and if I could give him a breather with all the heaviness in my mind and heart, so much the better. Let everything just come crumbling down and then just see what happens you know, what comes next.

I’m not the only my friend, now normally, you and I don’t discuss “politics” I’m more an embrace the madness, watch the world burn, as I said I only seek to maintain equilibrium for me and Braxton but the rest of the world is starting to crack or stand, I can’t really say right now. White Supremacists, Neo Nazis, KKK, and everything else, the world they thought of is normal is collapsing and now they are taking a stand, of course, I’m on the other side, such a world never benefited everybody else, so these, Supremacists should fall by the way side to be sure.

Hate though Luna is as resilient as anything, why I’m still writing whatever is proof of that, so how do you break it down? I actually looked up that movie “The Women of Brewster Place” yeah I know I’m awfully strange but I was remembering that last scene when they broke down the wall. Anyway do I become more resilient to keep surviving, less and crumble into a mess, I have no earthly idea.

If anything I have been trying to break down some, be more open, we have been talking about this forever but today was my first day out in about three, you know with people, I have to start back going out every day. Sad to say I have lost a bit of that drive, back to day one as it is and what about “The Day”, speaking of which did I almost forget about “M Anime” and getting her a present, and what about Indiana Gone telling me to name something I want. The world is just one big rock and we have to roll along, not that I mind so much in this instance today.

What did I learn today other than the fact I’ll get to watch the world keep burning and maybe I will see the moment when I finally become something more? You know maybe I don’t need to break the wall down, I just need to rise above it, yeah if I can build something with just as much Resilience.

I Will Have No Fear

Silence Rocks

WillLeave a comment

My heart is stone, unfortunately, they use it to make pencil lead, does that mean it’s getting smaller, the words are definitely running out I suppose. Silence Rocks, it was the usual state of things but then I wanted to talk more and well *sigh*

With so many footsteps, what was my crime
Not my hands but opportunity who knocks
What did I say, what was it this time?

Was it friend or foe, no joke of mine
that took my tongue and made me Avox
With so many footsteps, what was my crime

It was a breath of air, that crossed your line
running my mouth has made you fly; a bomb I can’t stop
What did I say, what was it this time?

My own death sentence, so let me sign
Giving Atlas a breather, the world weighs a lot
with so many footsteps what was my crime

Wouldn’t crawl, walk, run, how to reach cloud nine
Here I stand and here I stay locked
What did I say, what was it this time?

For everything, there is a season and for this one, I will pine
Silently as they all kick rocks
With so many footsteps, what was my crime
What did I say, what was it this time?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

WillLeave a comment

Say what you need to say, have I been doing that lately or just talking to talk, I guess it’s good she was reading because I would have never guessed and what did that get me really? Is Atlas Complaining Yet, what’s one more stone

Monday, August 7, 2017

Lesson 037 ~Is Atlas Complaining Yet~

Hey, Lady Lu…
No Fear, but I don’t like boats and I haven’t been on a plane in a long time, not since that stint in the military and with the ways things are going there are bigger fish to fry. The lesson today is more, the more things change the more they stay the same type of deals, because what happened today or rather yesterday is something I know I need yet another lesson in because I’m not learning.

I guess I have good news for you, she saw you, “Miss Seasons” or at least people she knows and well that’s the bad news, burn it down and salt the earth, great minds huh? The only difference here is, I wasn’t the one that went scurrying off, personally I don’t blame her one bit but it still hurts, destruction is beautiful but loss… Let’s hope there is no more of that for a while but we ran in the same circles so if others abandon us I wouldn’t be surprised if anything the question is what set her flying?

It’s sort of like Amazon too, you can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what’s wrong, but it only took two times with Amazon though I have no idea what they didn’t like. Miss Seasons is different, I did wrong, I felt bad, apologized and then… yeah, I sort of lost my mind but you always want to know what ended it. Do I really need to rehash “Senseless” or the “Harmonic War” how about “Sweetness”; as you know I’ve got plenty of issues? It’s seven billion people in the world Lu and I have alienated three, really why I am I upset over any of this at all.

“’Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems” Issues

You know I’ve been on a journey of finding my voice once again and maybe the purpose is to become the person I am here to the rest of the world without the screen. I don’t think I told you about what I said at work about my music and the playlist that stops me from becoming a psychopath, remember how scared I was then?

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself
‘Is it true?’

At the second, ask
‘Is it necessary?’

At the third gate, ask
‘Is it kind?’”

– a Sufi saying (all I know)

I’ve been focusing on just talking at all lately but let’s focus on Miss Seasons when we worked together, I barely spoke but if I did it was honest, always out of necessity, and she said it herself that I was kind, then we started writing and here we are.

I’m trying to go back but everything I said about her was true, I don’t spread rumors or anything and I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I was a dumbass. Was I angry at her, of course, again my fault and I can’t dispute anything about it but I could be mad, those were my feelings? Anything else, hell Luna I want to win this blogging thing, she has everything and I have nothing but I am fired up, I could publish a poetry book, should really edit my novel, success is winning, right?

Necessary, Luna my dear I think we’re all going to Hell, an apology was necessary and everything else… why am I even talking to you now? If we all were left to necessary do you know how quiet the Earth would be, how much weight would be lifted, nobody can promise that except maybe monks?

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” Four/Tobias, Divergent

Is it kind… beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I tell one girl she has nice boobs and she smiles, another one shuts me out, flowery words get one girl and then she sleeps with a guy that says bitch get in the car. Poetry almost got me fired, showing attraction but not stating the obvious made me out to be skeevy and worse. It’s a toss-up between not needing to be kind to anyone and not saying anything at all and being considered unkind, or being rejected, not to mention high school all I ever got was backhanded compliments from nearly everyone.

Today words are too damn light and they are supposed to be heavy, I imagine it’s fear but maybe it’s thinking about what you say.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, that’s bullshit, of course, the pen is mightier than the sword is something I can get behind, for I have seen what words can do. You want to know why the world is so heavy, because with all these words being thrown here come the stones, we should build roads, like “Indiana Gone” says, “Communication” but no we get hit and we throw back, we harden our hearts, we bury our enemies, we erect caves to hide in, praying the world doesn’t come crashing down on us.

“It’s Hebrew, it’s from the Talmud. It says, “Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” – Schindler’s List (1993)

If I had remained silent Luna where would I be today, I would have another friend, hell would I rather have an enemy, I rather she not just walk away or fly away which is the last thing I know about her new job and all. She’s not the only one though, she won’t be because I’m not going to be silent any longer, I can’t be and if it isn’t you, it will be a book I publish or something else. If saving a life is saving the world, then what about destroying one?

Friends are so hard to come by Luna and I suspect I will be losing quite a few more in the coming days, two hundred and two now and took me less than a day to find out who I had lost. I can’t walk on eggshells anymore… yeah, I am an eggshell when I get upset, better a live chicken than a dead duck is what I’m always saying. At least we know that people are reading and if there not liking, yeah that’s something I’ll have to change, another thing I should be upset about, my book review got no likes but yeah today is about the girl.

So what have I learned today other than to stop pissing women off and that means to stop talking or control my temper? Another day that started off with such promise but at least I have the option of walking to the next but I wonder Is Atlas Complaining Yet.

I Will Have No Fear

A Whole New Hard

WillLeave a comment

Love is in a constant state of evolution, the guy left breathless, and the he stutters, then he won’t stop talking; the body too but much like the word love there is a part of anatomy that remains constant when we like someone. A Whole New Hard

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r0bUfuwnGo

It gets harder still
And Atlas asks… is it carrying the world?

I just want to talk to you pretty girl
Without the pillar of Heaven

But you know that you are… hot as Hell; then again
how you make me melt

Yet to love me like you do, would make me someone else
For the clear path, my straight and narrow gaffe

Is the way to something I cannot have?
It gets harder still

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Kaori Maejima… Shusaku, Brother Love “Summertime”, Lenny Kravitz “Again” and Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack

Wallflower Eden

WillLeave a comment

Holding up the wall, examining a potted plant, oh and isn’t that an interesting painting… what are excuses for not being on the dancefloor with a pretty girl. I’m supposed to be all grown up; then again I didn’t go to my prom either, Wallflower Eden.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFcj1lzq_5A

But when I grow up
She is my sun, my moon, my starlit sky
Only I will never fly

With Mario’s ambitions
Every bit of fire and passion
Just no Princess Peach attraction

For another girl I would fall
Figured I’d help Atlas out is all
Take a peek through the wonderwall

And know that Eve was made for Adam
Not for Eden
One day I’m leaving

On a jet plane, one step is not enough
To love me like you do, but my fault Miss
I didn’t have the balls
My love and him… I look at them

The Wallflower

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Yuna… Final Fantasy X [X-2], “Willow” (1988), “Super Mario Brothers”, Ryan Adams “Wonderwall” (Oasis), John Denver “Leaving On A Jet Plane”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and Sia “My Love”

The Word Next to Love

WillLeave a comment

I like, I want, I need, but this isn’t about me or maybe it is because she always loves a different person not that I can blame her. Love… a word used much too often and for me much too soon. “The Word Next to Love”

So love LIVED next door

Why did I tell her?

 

I think Atlas dropped the world

And an angel found her feet

 

Put the blame on me, I’ll take the heat

It’s me, it’s not you

 

Who says love me like you do

To the last beautiful girl

 

Or the first one to rock my world

Not like love LIVED next door

 

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Inspired by: Brittany Anne Pirtle – Emily… Power Rangers Samurai, Akon “Sorry, Blame It On Me”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Matchbox Twenty “Last Beautiful Girl”, and Michael Jackson “You Rock My World”

 

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4nabT8XF6Y

Brittany Anne Pirtle - Emily… Power Rangers Samurai 008