Lesson 004 ~Embrace The Madness~

Driven crazy before, been there and done that, it seems I have lost my way again but at least I’m moving now, though there is no destination. Embrace The Madness, maybe not all of it but anger is a hell of a navigator I think

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Lesson 004 ~Embrace The Madness~

To be fair on any given day I’m pretty out there, crazy, insane, eccentric, and yes even “skeeve” I cannot tell you how much I hate that word. Is it really the word though or just who I associate with it and for once I’m not talking about myself now.

Okay so what are we doing here if not talking about myself right but am I over the incident, you know I have the tendency to blow thing way out of proportion. I think it comes with the whole bipolar territory but haven’t gotten around to talking to another “real” therapist as of late, like the last two or three maybe more were any help. Besides you listen to me for free and I don’t have to flush my medication down the toilet though I’ve been thinking about that stuff I bought from Amazon right.

“Anger is more useful than despair.” Arnold Schwarzenegger – Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

That’s where I’ve been lately, lost in despair but if I haven’t made this clear, it seems I’m getting madder and madder, talk about watching the world burn, I’m burning up but at least for the moment, I’m not destroying my work. Talk about the five stages of grief, I was never in denial, there was nothing to deny, I confessed, I apologized, hell I wish she would post more stuff to cover my stupidity or just erase it herself. There is nothing to deny and for a couple of days there I skipped straight to depression, nothing to bargain for and like I said anger is not acceptable either.

Only I am angry and instead of being sorry for the first time I’m actually pretty grateful to be this upset because it has done something my previous sin could not. I’m here aren’t I, I’m writing blowing off friends a bit to get this done to let this out, though I wouldn’t say that it’s necessarily helping at all.

Is that what I want… help, no Lady Lu, was this some sort of a wake-up call, perhaps a call to arms, well mine might fall off with all this writing I have been doing lately. That night when we got back to talking I thought I wanted to drop dead, maybe I did and this is Hell which explains the fire burning inside me.

“All I know is that first, you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, ‘I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!’ I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell – ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!… You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” Howard Beale, Network (1976)

See now I’m starting to get mad at myself all over because was I treating her like a human being instead of a… well there are so many things I want to say but I’m having a Ned Flanders crisis of conscience still. It wasn’t that serious, I don’t think but again it comes with my usual state of mind, whoever I am given the moment. For the record, I like to think I’m the perfect gentlemen and I do respect women, equal pay, equal rights, and everything in-between though I would never prescribe to all the ideology of feminism.

What about who I am though, I’m perfectly acceptable as long as I’m quite and dependable, aren’t I or is that scary too, is that wrong. You know I went for days without speaking to anyone at work and I’m the bad guy, people can say whatever they want, speak for me and I’m the bad guy. Back in school, I was the flowers and candies guy, I was the one the jerks came to for pretty words so they could get back with their girls but I was pretty much playing Cyrano de Bergerac.

Was I done with the apologies, I’m sorry if this sounds all too familiar Lu, same stuff different day but that just goes to show that things never change. Except for now usually, a pretty face would make me do all sorts of stupid things in the name of “attraction” now I’m up and about it the name of war.

Okay dialing it back but I’m writing now because of that anger, but let’s talk business, you know that Mime poem I wrote gave me my biggest rush of likes, the poem about almost getting fired seriously. Didn’t I tell you destruction is beautiful and since I’ve stopped with the other stuff, not a day goes by without a like.

So I’m embracing the madness, a business decision, you tell me, but for a few more days at least I’m going to let this anger wash over me, fuel to my fire. There are two emotions that guide me in this world and one of them ain’t joy and for the moment the fifth circle holds its sway. Only another reason that I’m mad at myself is the fact that it would take something like this to inspire me to work so hard once again.

I think I may have gotten it wrong as I do most things, so why not embrace the madness and the terror, and hopefully not the utter disgust. Physically I’ve been feeling better though I do have lingering worries, some pain actually serves a greater purpose. Note I said some not all but I will thank her for the pain she gave me because yes it has made me stronger.

No I shouldn’t say that but I do know I want to finish my book, I want to make my blog something if anything just to show her up, success is striking back isn’t it.

“The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness.” Victor Strand
The lesson for today is let myself go crazy, work my ass off, ignore pretty brunettes, yes Embrace The Madness.

Knot to Sleep

The things you think about when you’re up all night and doing the laundry or not doing the laundry; maybe I’ve just had my sheets a long time. “Knot to Sleep”, I was all tied up last night and I wish it was for a good reason, who knows someday maybe.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45VHsCse4wg

“Look at all the tangles”
“Just you have nowhere to go and nothing to do”, “True”
“Stay with me…” now there’s a thought

Hand in hand, “let’s get lost”
“Love me like you do”
“That is not an angle”

“Coming from the lips of an angel”
“But tangled up in you”
“And the new bedsheets that I bought”

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, A quote from “Proper Gauge (Wool, #2)” by Hugh Howey, Ryan Cabrera “True”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, Bat For Lashes & Beck “Let’s Get Lost”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Hinder “Lips Of An Angel”, Howie Day “Collide”, and Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor “Marvin Gaye”

Mime No More

This is what happens when you speak; I mean my penname is “Marquis de Joker” yeah I’m a clown but I don’t have any jokes, I am the joke, makes me a mime. Mime No More… might find out Saturday, my writing was certainly a joke with HR, maybe.

And he would have been sorry
if he could get a grip
of his love-struck heart; boring
But a pink slip
is gruesome and gory
This is it

With his name on the dotted line
He would walk right out the door
Or he would pretend this time
Only what’s the truth there for
He’ll ask God once more

right, he was too damn loud
Talked at all, big whoops
Because he’s a clown and how
For just one big group
Mankind… and he was bound

To want to be one of you
Because of “her”
Pretend, that’s what they do
Wouldn’t you rather…
Well it doesn’t matter; he told the truth
Why was there laughter

if he wasn’t funny
Not enough or too much
Well anyway there goes the money
Where is the love
Suppose he should die really
Because what’s to become should he see

It’s all there in black and white
Line by line and they didn’t have to find
pencil, paper, evidence in sight
Can’t you see his crime?
Guess it wasn’t very bright
There goes his job of being a mime
Sorry is the word that never comes out right

Copyright © 2015 Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

A Round of Smiles

Because frankly I could use a drink and I don’t even drink but I can’t kiss, talking or trying to got me into trouble and I most definitely don’t want to smile. A Round of Smiles but I’m never getting that drunk again over some girl, never again

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AAO-3x0JZc

And I see you around, as you smile

Thinking it’s fun to share
Take one, give one
you have so many to spare

For the whole wide world
saying love me like you do
like you’re the last beautiful girl

Yet men only want to close their eyes
Humming can’t seem to make you mine
Thinking the ifs, and whys

of the moon and the stars above
Or the shape you might take
if you smiled only for them love

Here comes the sun
in all its jealously
Wondering where all the light came from

Only aren’t I the felon
to steal another one from you
Someday, sometime
I might learn how to make
them without you. God help me

you’re here now but your smile…

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Matchbox 20 “Last Beautiful Girl”, The Seeds “Can’t Seem To Make You Mine”, Nina Simone “Here Comes The Sun”, and Sugar Ray “Someday”

Oh Is Love Blind

Have you ever noticed that porn has the best lighting, well okay movies in general, I wonder where I got the idea that love has to be done in the dark; closed eyes for a kiss, lights off, nighttime, even blindfolds. Oh Is Love Blind; what do you see?

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQH7SGkOIPY

So you’re the kiss I’ll never see
I mean I think so
Why do I have to miss the show?
Maybe there will be others

just we turn off the lights and I have to believe
Now tell me, but then again… whoa
Who knew angels could fly so low
The wonders

When we pretend goodnight isn’t goodbye, there’s a possibility
But from your head down to your toes
and even the love below
Not even the lovers

dream of how I would love thee
“Love me like you do, although…”
there is always a catch but I won’t give you a blindfold
Be not so fearful, even when I tie you up in the covers

Just why is love so scary
Because that’s how you know
Is love blind or do you see another?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Lykke Li “Possibility”, Outkast, “How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, A.C. Newman “Be Not So Fearful”, Nico & Vinz “That’s How You Know” feat. Kid Ink & Bebe Rexha, and “That’s How You Know” Enchanted (2007)

Magic Muggle

Love is… maybe it depends on the lover and even then; anyway it’s a world I don’t think I was born into and a world I might never know. “Magic Muggle”, truthfully only read one of the Harry Potter books, saw two of the movies

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl2YL2wvolU

God has his plans, Cupid his arrows
But how do I love you
without having my heart disappear
Anticipate quite the showcase
Like Roy and that tiger tussled

So under the covers I wait
Thinking a guy can pull a rabbit out of his hat… so
I might have a trick or two
Only would you volunteer?
Girls ain’t nothing but trouble

Just if I was invisible, as I often fear,
be not so fearful, don’t be afraid
Or do you wish to go
When all I offer is the truth
That’s why love is such a struggle

And to love me like you do
would be the real magic trick here
To have you stay with me, not try and escape
Bound by your panties, some ribbon, that’s how you know
ravishment is not so subtle

Yet love is my hope, not just for show
While love is a magic, true
it’s not powerful enough my dear
Couldn’t love me anyway
Some love for the loveless muggle

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince “Girls Ain’t Nothing But Trouble”, Clay Aiken “Invisible”, A.C. Newman “Be Not So Fearful”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Charlie Wilson “Magic”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, Enrique Iglesias “Escape”, Nico & Vinz – That’s How You Know feat. Kid Ink & Bebe Rexha, “That’s How You Know” Enchanted (2007), Mick Smiley “Magic”, Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley “Powerful” and The Eels “Love of the Loveless”

A Head of Sleep

Lazy I know but there is no avoiding “her” in my dreams, everywhere else is a crap shoot, but a few steps, a leap, I can only outrun her going the other direction. “A Head of Sleep”, yeah maybe I should go to bed and sleep, just sleep.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CNwIdOCF-0

And that’s why I don’t sleep
Be my starry eyed surprise
If I closed my eyes
it would only be to weep
for your beauty, I just can’t keep
A memory, a dream, no I
want you but I’m scared to try
one step, one leap

to Heaven, to the stars, to the moon
Would you love me like you do
or am I simply enjoying the view
You say “see you soon”
Jump ahead
Why am I in bed…

Alone again, maybe?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Oakenfold “Starry eyed surprise” James Blunt “I Want You”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Xbox One – E3 “Jump ahead”, and Gilbert O’Sullivan “Alone Again (Naturally)”

Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left

It’s a disease this thing called love and I know how dangerous it can be or so I heard; it’s an addiction without any type of rehab. Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left, one girl was so close, the right girl I’m afraid is so much farther away…

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHsm9yWA6wc

Because love is more than twelve steps
Could be more than thirteen
How many do you have left?

When I catch my breath
“Why don’t you tell me?”
Because love is more than twelve steps

And you have a powerful effect
like you wouldn’t believe.
How many do you have left?

For an angel, I bet
to love me like you do, the trouble I’ve seen
Because love is more than twelve steps

You haven’t taken the first one, yet
If I say something, instead of nothing, I’ll be waiting
How many do you have left?

Can’t ask an angel this
Except if you’re falling
Because love is more than twelve steps
How many do you have left?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Bill Haley and His Comets “Thirteen Women” (1954) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley “Powerful”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Robert Goulet “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (Recess), A Great Big World Ft. Christina Aguilera “Say Something”, The Script “Nothing”, and Lenny Kravitz “I’ll Be Waiting”

Atlas Meets Just another Girl

It’s probably much easier for Atlas and he just lets it roll off his back, probably was just as easy for her not that she ever knew and even if she did. “Atlas Meets Just another Girl”, I can’t fix the world but I’m an expert at fixing my heart…

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vmo7qfAlf1U

And if I give my eyes a break
… no, I better stay awake
For if I close my eyes, it’s easier to pretend
I’ll ever see you again
But ain’t love blind
That was my first mistake
I’m just out to find

“It” crushed, the sky descends
As even God thinks you’re so divine
Your boyfriend knows you’re fine
So I want you, easy as pie, a piece of cake

Just excuses like “I’m out of pencil lead”
All I need is the air that I breathe, but instead
Can I get a vowel, maybe even two?
All I needed was I and U
If only it wasn’t for that break in the center
Something we will never make
Well not together *sigh* whatever

Love me like you do
Which I guess, just means never
Will I put my heart back together?
Maybe it will take

until the bed frame shakes
Or heart and ache
Is broken too
Three little words too many, too few
So what if Atlas drops the world
How did my heart break?
Beautiful, powerful, not just another girl

Only you

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, Lenny Kravitz “Again”, Five For Fighting “Superman” (It’s Not Easy)”, The Hollies “The Air That I Breathe”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Seether Ft. Amy Lee “Broken”, Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley “Powerful”, Pete Yorn “Just Another”, and Yazoo “Only You”

Baby Like Boom

That’s what it felt like, you know how your heart skips a beat when you see her and when you finally feel it again well… this is the way the world ends or begins again. Baby Like Boom, now let’s see what’s reflected in the rubble, one of her, I wish.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnH3za6zLAQ

Tell me… “I’m somebody’s baby”
Since when do angels deliver bad news?
Beautiful girl, what’s it like?

You tell him “you’ll always be my baby”
or “Love me like you do”
Feels like a nuclear strike

And I’m waiting for my atom bomb baby
Waiting for a girl LIKE you
Because psych

There goes my baby
Yeah, when the stars go blue
Is love blind or does it look alike

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Jackson Browne “Somebody’s Baby”, Everlast “What It’s Like”, Mariah Carey “Always Be My Baby”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, The Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby” (1957) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Foreigner “Waiting For A Girl Like You”, Usher “There Goes My Baby”, and The Corrs ft. Bono “When The Stars Go Blue”