Gospel 045 ~Big Willie Style, NOT~

No, I’m not getting jiggy with it, but how I wish. It’s ten at night already, and I haven’t been getting to bed until after two in the morning, and I know why. One of these days, the answer will be zombies, and I’ll be living. “Big Willie Style, NOT”

Saturday, August 15, 2020

Gospel 045 ~Big Willie Style, NOT~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Will Smith isn’t? Now how would I accomplish this, seeing as how I couldn’t climb out of bed today? I know I say that a lot Lady Luna but I did go and get a couple of Honey Chicken Biscuits this morning. Yeah, making up for last week. Are they good enough but not my writing? I ask you? Is everything better than anything I can do? So what’s with the depression and the questions? One head has been busier than the other since Monday.

I have these phases when I get heavy into NO FAP, and now I know why. Excuse my language Lady Lu, this is more for Inspector Echo, but I am FUCKING Mad. Tuesday morning, I was at the Day Job listening to sad songs that turned into rap. I’m an African-American man, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about rap, but most of what I chose was angry. Now, if that’s not enough to scare “white” people, I’ve also been reading. No, not, The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them. Yesterday it put me to sleep. Instead, I’ve been looking over The Screwfly Solution. Let me guess, now I sound like one of those women-hating Incels, right? Hell Lady Lu, I’m not mad at anyone but me. This brings me back to the point; I’m only punishing myself again.

Instead of working like Will Smith, I’m doing me, which means sleeping. I won’t finish our conversation until later on tonight. No disrespect to people who have other addictions, but it’s like rehab. There’s nothing inside and what’s outside isn’t right. Speaking of outside, this is still the plague era. Porn is like a vaccine, you’re infected, and at the same time, you’re fighting the onslaught. If you knew how many times I’ve searched for Tifa Lockhart in the past few minutes. When I’m outside though, SIGH. THEY say the problem is men don’t look at women as people. Nowadays, I look at them as monsters. People have always been zombies to me, now I’m only running faster. Why can’t you just be normal? People cry over and over again.

When has anyone saw me as such and what they do see me as well, they “Make Me Wanna Die.”

They’re disappointed, Will Smith, W. Anton; Big Willie Style, NOT.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 141 ~Relapse, I’m The Man~

40 Days and 40 Nights yeah right but I know it’s not impossible, 41 maybe but let’s just focus surviving this new week, because it’s going to be a doozy. Relapse, I’m The Man, or I truly want to be, I want to get better, I need to

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Lesson 141 ~Relapse, I’m The Man~

To Will:
No Fear, that will come later, as will everything else and I know it is hard it is damn hard to find anything to take solace in, to be proud of and I know I’m not and I can’t ask you to be. If anything though I ask you to simply acknowledge that you are still here for a chance… hmm, could that be the secret of life?

Bane: Now’s not the time for fear. That comes later. ― The Dark Knight Rises

See Christians fuck up but because they are saved it doesn’t matter to them and you fuck up tons but you don’t have that safety net and while death is not in the cards for now, and crucifixion is an ugly way to go, the fact is you don’t need to be saved this minute. Don’t people in rehab talk about taking it one day at a time, maybe that’s all this place is, just one big rehab so that my soul is ready, yeah you’ll have to excuse me for the religious connotations. Every day is a lesson, I tend to repeat myself because I am the one voice that you need to hear, now isn’t that something but before you laugh, just imagine about what is going on this week, the task that now stands before you waiting.

King Ezekiel: We have come this far. Our first victory will allow our second. The second will deliver our third. ― from The Walking Dead

I was talking to Lady Lu the other day and I said the point was to endure, I have also recognized that I just don’t want to survive, and then there is hope, which must be admired for being so hard to kill, just like us. What was it that kept you going last night to the early morning, and for once I am honestly not trying to be dirty, talk about how many times we have relapsed on that front. I even think about that saying of today is the first day of the rest of your life, annoying if nothing else but is this not what we do, start over again and again.

“It’s the end of the world. Did you think it would be easy? I don’t expect you to win. I don’t even expect you to live. Only endure.” Teen Titans

Should I give you a goal or tell you what I know you must do because you will get your chance, not this week, no this week you will do as you have always done and when you see the other side, well that will be a conversation for another. If you must have a goal though if you fall short if you don’t make the grade… okay that might be enough YouTube for today but if and when you find you can’t make it just say to yourself the truth, Relapse, I’m The Man

I Will Have No Fear

Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left

It’s a disease this thing called love and I know how dangerous it can be or so I heard; it’s an addiction without any type of rehab. Steps, Beats, Breaths, She Left, one girl was so close, the right girl I’m afraid is so much farther away…

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHsm9yWA6wc

Because love is more than twelve steps
Could be more than thirteen
How many do you have left?

When I catch my breath
“Why don’t you tell me?”
Because love is more than twelve steps

And you have a powerful effect
like you wouldn’t believe.
How many do you have left?

For an angel, I bet
to love me like you do, the trouble I’ve seen
Because love is more than twelve steps

You haven’t taken the first one, yet
If I say something, instead of nothing, I’ll be waiting
How many do you have left?

Can’t ask an angel this
Except if you’re falling
Because love is more than twelve steps
How many do you have left?

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: “Spencer” by Eclesi4stik, Bill Haley and His Comets “Thirteen Women” (1954) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Johnny Jewel Ft. Saoirse Ronan “Tell Me”, Major Lazer ft. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley “Powerful”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Robert Goulet “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (Recess), A Great Big World Ft. Christina Aguilera “Say Something”, The Script “Nothing”, and Lenny Kravitz “I’ll Be Waiting”