Saga 364 ~Dying To B Virgil~

I was dying to talk about something… but now I’m living to or for… Hell! I only exist, but I wonder if Braxton… there I go again. I meant, does Virgil think he’s living the life. Maybe if I mowed the lawn. There are bodies to hide. Dying To B Virgil.

Friday, June 30, 2023

Saga 364 ~Dying To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I can lie here all day. Or identify as a dog. Going Titanic diving, hmm…

Is that in poor taste? Bad form? I would say I’m just “Doing Me.” You know I’m just doing my thing. Hell! As if I know about any of that. Boy, Braxton, big-breasted babes… “Bodies Bodies Bodies,” and no, Lady Sophia. I haven’t seen the movie, but it gives me ideas. I should watch Spontaneous again, along with this movie and Looking for Alaska. I finished the book yesterday. Was Alaska’s death an accident or a suicide, Lady Sophia? All I know is this one story I keep telling myself about Braxton. My little boy was murdered. And I guess it’s hard to type with all the blood on my hands. And with other crimes… If I become a billionaire, I won’t start trophy hunting.

My furry little boy was enough for me. But “The Most Dangerous Game…” Uh, yeah… Did I say I wanted to hunt human beings for sport? The world, my writing… WAR… Lady Sophia, I hope I can pick a better word than “Bawitdaba.” Only with my luck, like I can attest today. I didn’t mean to write any of this dribble at all. Zombies, friend. Namely, a zombie apocalypse is what I want to rant about, to read, and the rage I have felt at myself these past few days. To choose death over everything, including despair. The only time I have despaired over death was, again, losing Braxton. But how best to love me more? That’s what I was thinking yesterday. To love me?

I think to myself that Braxton would rather die than see me unhappy. But then again, he would instead live than see me unhappy. That’s why he fought death for so damn long, Lady Sophia. I say that my indifference killed him. But as he lay dying… nothing but love. I’m in love with death, My Lady. In particular, that of my dog, the decisions of a damned world, and every orgasm my dick provides me. Let the apocalypse come. Inevitable, am I right? The end and a sex joke. Again this did not go at all how I figured. At least it kept me from talking about, well… I spoke of Alaska Young’s death. Tomorrow? One more year of writing. Dying To B Virgil

880 Days Without B III, Day 321 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

I’d still watch the videos if I didn’t read the comments. Let them celebrate, crow, and hear all the congratulations. That’s love, no? Babies, betrothals, busting out the wedding cakes. Me? V was waiting on the stairs, and B? “To B Loved Virgil”

Friday, June 23, 2023

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I have many a disgusting story to tell. Without Bandcamp? Bitcoin? Onlyfans? Uh…

I could name other sins. Could be? Should be? Regardless, My Lady, “All are punished!” And no, I’m not reading Romeo and Juliet. And while I’m reading “Looking for Alaska.” Lady Sophia, twenty percent completion doesn’t give me room to talk. Plus, I wonder if it’s a love story. Is that what I’ve been reading… Love stories? Lack thereof? Inevitable that it always, and I do mean always, comes back to my son. My dead one, Lady Sophia. As for V. “You’re not my son.” That’s my best impression of Enabran Tain from DS9. Of course, I don’t say that to him out loud. However, it wasn’t words of love today when I found him on the stairs waiting. “You were lucky, not smart, Virgil.”

Why can’t I love him? Hell! I’m trying. “I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest, and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” And why can’t I use “my” own words? How about turning off Youtube for now? That’s why I’m upset today. Well, the last few days. Again, if only I could tell the truth about things. Take the word CONGRATULATIONS, for starters. Am I jealous, mad, horny? The Pic Phenomenon, ha. But no. While I was dicking around, minus my dick for once. I was watching Reactions for The Last of Us. I like couple reactors. In this case, it’s MAC React. So I’m going through the comments… CONGRATULATIONS, Madison’s pregnant; Samantha is too. Shelby’s married…

What am I doing even caring about all these people’s lives? Now not those rich effers in the submarine. But I mean people I pay attention to. In particular, their love lives, Lady Sophia. There it is; LOVE. As Taylor Swift sings, “It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Yes.” More like, “Somebody tell me what is wrong with me. I wasn’t sure, but I know now. I believe that it must be. Love don’t love me.” And didn’t I say I would make a playlist of the songs Braxton sends? Anyway. Seems like the women whose text and poetry I read are in the same boat. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry. But me, lusting for love? Reading of love… Loser. To B Loved Virgil

873 Days Without B III, Day 314 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 329 ~Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…~

Can you hear me now? Good. Those commercials, hmm? I’m lucky to hear anything besides, “That will be $175.00.” Then my ear would get slammed like an episode of Family Guy. Me and my big mouth and massive bills. “Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…”

Friday, May 26, 2023

Saga 329 ~Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so bills? What bills? All the ones I paid for Braxton? The man? Oh yeah, duck…

Bill. As in, I would never shut up? Unless I was doing something else like this morning. I failed once again. And after such a “productive” moment. At least it didn’t lead to a bill. I swear that morning, Friday, January 29, 2021. I would only be paying for a few more meds. I figured. I already had the story in my head… an upset stomach, hardhead B. “As I was saying, I don’t want to read my Dæmon’s vet bill.” That’s from “Gospel 212 ~On The “Will” Succubus~.” Is it strange that I’m listening to Succubus Lord 8 yet again? Sophia, I’m also reading another Eric Vall novel, Satan’s Sorority Girls. The things I hear. That is to say, with what I did today.

Besides playing a porno in my head with two English roses, I mean. Hell! I was into those two before Eric Vall started talking about one of his chicks. But ok, Sophia, the good news. So this morning, I was getting all spiffy about to head to the urgent care clinic about my bum ear. -cost, the lack of actual “caring,” and the worse customer service. I know you’re not Yelp. Anyway, besides B III, the story of my existence is FEAR. So I’m rutting about in my ear, and voilà. This big chunk of ear wax comes popping out, and suddenly water. I could hear the water in the sink gushing for the first time in days. It didn’t make me burst into tears.

Hell! Sophia, I’ve said I would take any physical pain over my mental anguish. Haven’t I languished over The Pic Phenomenon from Thursday, May 18, 2023, my Lady? But once that effing thing got out of my ear, it’s like even that disappeared. Standing there, I heard everything I needed to hear. “We gon’ be alright,” Lady Sophia. Now, I wish I could believe that. I saved $175.00. I didn’t hear the words sick, starving, or sleep. As much as I want to “sleep forever.” Trust me, Sophia; I have said much worse. So Braxton would have if Bill had to come back. Or upon seeing the payment to put him to sleep. No price is too high. Virgil lives. Always. Braxton Kills Bill, Virgil…

845 Days Without B III, Day 286 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 322 ~Write Stuff. Braxton, Virgil…~

I write stuff. Not the right stuff or the white stuff. “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Prolific? There’s “All I wanted was to see her naked.” Then there are website developers and things for The Boys. “Write Stuff. Braxton, Virgil…”

Friday, May 19, 2023

Saga 322 ~Write Stuff. Braxton, Virgil…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I would never have to write again. I love writing (every day…) but… the dream.

I don’t blame Braxton for saying, “bye.” More like “later.” Like father like son, Sophia. Though how many times have I written about Braxton’s last WORDS? “Why can’t I stay?” That’s from Angel, Season 5. Episode 15 “A Hole in the World.” But again, Lady Sophia, father, and son. How dare I say Braxton’s best days were/are sitting on the loveseat with me watching crap. I’ve told B III’s story. How he knew and would leave his toy with me. If anything, it beat him sitting under the table. Waiting for me to write anything that could resemble crap. I would go to the library. There was me writing alone as he went to bed. And here we are two years after. Have I published…

I don’t blame Virgil for being bored, either. Hell! I went most of the day without speaking to him. I wish I could say I was writing. Oh, I was hitting keys. But that was only to watch other people’s stories. And I wish that it was only that. I’m lazy but plenty worse, Sophia. And then there’s all the right, white, write stuff—words with many meanings. It’s not like living, surviving, and existing. I can tell one from the other. Doing anything… For Braxton or Virgil, The Boys? I hate how in this head, there’s already a story being… let’s say, edited? Hell! I have been thinking it’s gone on way too long daily. But V’s tale, Sophia? I still can’t read him.

I will blame myself for that. At least I don’t have to type the words, delete, block, and eff off. That would give me even less time to be with B. Please! Writing now. Sophia, it could be so much worse. All the novels, notes, and nothing poetry written and disgusted with myself. Over what I wrote last night. Yeah, typing into a search bar. Doctors would have a field day. Not that I’m going to see one soon. I don’t need the bills, ok? Despite knowing something is very wrong with me. In a physical sense, to be sure. And the answer is always the same. Only it didn’t save Braxton. Or solidify Virgil, and I’s friendship. The Boys say Write Stuff. Braxton, Virgil…

838 Days Without B III, Day 279 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 315 ~Lying With B, Virgil~

What am I going to read? Even if all I did was meditate, my head would be, “EXTRA, EXTRA, read all about it,” B III is still gone. I’ll read his medicine bottles. The TV will show the GOP get away with everything. And books? Lying With B, Virgil

Friday, May 12, 2023

Saga 315 ~Lying With B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can lie forever and a day. Right, CNN? But comedy comes in threes…

As in my son B III, Triple, or it’s hip to B squared. Hell! I was about to say, “I feel,” like a killer. Only we know the truth, Lady Sophia. As the song asks, “Am I A Psycho?” Yes! Even now, I refuse to admit my boy is dead. I know he is. But every day, I call Braxton! You know I talk to him more than I do, Virgil. Even now, Virgil is dead center in the bed, and I moved over. He’s not my son. I wish I wanted; I wouldn’t be like this. Not his fault. Only I do believe it was B that was speaking to me on that day. But what now, B III? Braxton, lying about everything you.

Let’s focus on me, which you can see above. I don’t know why I decided to come clean today. Just because. You’re not Inspector Echo. And if Braxton were here… I’d know better. What about Nelson Mandela… “It’s never too late to do the right thing.” He wasn’t talking about the angle of the dangle… So why did I want to lie about it for so long, Sophia? Can I stop talking about my “Enormous Penis?” I swear I’ll start anew at 9:00 AM. Anyway, you know how I hate liars. And everything I have read this week has been about some liar. At least, “That’s why I’m starting with me.” Everything seems to be pointing to me getting out of bed. Braxton ain’t here.

And even if he were, I would be on the loveseat. Or better, at the dining room table writing away. I would tell him and me that I’m doing this to give us a better life. But I exist, sigh. And I want to say I’m trying. But that would be one more lie. I mean, even when I read… Again I’m reading The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. Yet it’s only a chapter or two a day. And today being Friday or even tomorrow, I’ll read “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Contract.” Lady Sophia, it’s all so I can keep up with a book a week, hmm. Good news. Like I’m doing something “Successful.” When I instead be Lying With B, Virgil.

831 Days Without B III, Day 272 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

I planned on talking about all the books I bought, only I’m sort of a pop culture whore. Me… sexist? Duly noted. But I read something racist from a friend today. One word. I don’t fear being WOKE. Indifference killed my son. “Virgil’s B Book Report.”

Friday, May 5, 2023

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford whatever’s on the menu. I can read bills, sales, and regrets.

How to Be an Antiracist is not a book I regret reading. And I don’t blame the author for any of my actions… Uh, you kind of did. I hear ya, Lady Sophia. The power of the penis, as Todd says. I don’t regret reading Succubus Lord, either. Um, a whole other story, I know. It’s like looking over the last of Braxton’s medical bills. I don’t blame the veterinarians. But it does show me when I did the worst thing in my whole “life.” I killed my best friend. It could be the second… I mean, if we’re talking about the STUPIDEST thing ever… BIRTH. Anyway, I’m feeling lousy today because the girl I want to sleep with… She used the word “Chinky.” Racist?

“Oh, sugar, you just gone and done the dumbest thing in your whole life.” – Alexis Bledel Sin City (2005)

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes? I’m not sure yet. I’m only starting to get into that book. But let’s stick with my attempt to be an Antiracist. As if I even recall what that means. I say I was more WOKE, and I couldn’t help myself. If this cost me the girl. Stupid MF. Hell! Lady Sophia, I spent a bit of time trying to explain away the slur. She could have meant like chink in the armor. “I try so hard. Can’t seem to get away from misery” Inevitable, ain’t it, Lady Sophia, that I screw this up. Trying to understand “What Makes A Good Man?” Hell! What kind of man am I? Ask Carolina Bound. I sent a nude for her birthday.

Hell! I wanted to talk about this Hunger Games book and Mesmerizing Caroline. What about that book binge I went on? I must also get in on a new Kindle Challenge, Lady Sophia. But after reading the alarm clock, 3:35 AM. Then reading M Anime’s text first thing. And yep, thinking with my penis. Have I found a second Hard Limit when it comes to BDSM? Um, a soft limit. The N-Word in music, dirty Latina maids, Asian fetish, etc. And it gets worse. M Anime’s fur baby is hurt, and I’m yelling at her because you know me, Lady Sophia, “Stay Woke.” I need to read more African American books and more about dead fur babies. Reasons dogs don’t write. Virgil’s B Book Report

824 Days Without B III, Day 265 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

If B wanted company, he’d call me before V. Dark? Well, the only books I’ve been reading have involved the dead. But I like dogs. Even now, I’ll say V’s a better “friend” than me to myself. But I have too much to read to leave. Braxton Booked V, NOT.

Friday, April 28, 2023

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Virgil will be alive for a very long time. “Always,” “Love?” No. Still waiting…

As in words, I’ll write or even say. I won’t kiss the top of Virgil’s head and say, “I’ll always come back for you.” That’s when I would get all sentimental with Braxton. And when I leave, do you remember, “love you B, love, you Braxton. Replace love with later. Inevitably, I’ll get Virgil’s name right too. Before he joins B… many years from now. These days, it’s a struggle to even get out of bed to read. Hell! To do anything but slave away. I wanted to tell the woman I was working with yesterday. I don’t fear dying. Please! As that song PEPPER goes, “They were all in love with dyin.'” I suppose only me, then. And not in the Shakespearian MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING sort of way.

Speaking of ways die (cough) orgasm (cough). If I keep looking at Alycia Debnam-Carey, SAINT X., Or Amy Acker doing MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. I’ll die all in my shorts, ha. Not to mention that right there… The way I have been writing for God knows how long, Sophia. I’m ashamed. So, one more reason I shouldn’t be publishing novels, ever. Anyway. Why am I still alive if I won’t live my purpose? Remembering Braxton. Always and forever. But then there are other people’s successes as well. I see them daily. Only today, as I was watching movie trailers, wasting time. I came across one, Sophia. THE BALLAD of SONGBIRDS and SNAKES. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it, though.

But isn’t that how I was introduced to THE HUNGER GAMES franchise in the first place, Lady Sophia? I also have a thing for naked brunettes with ponytails/pigtails. Like Jennifer Lawrence, Aerith Gainsborough, or Azuma Hisato. Two other brunettes (fingers crossed). Now while I’m lost in one head, the other did like THE HUNGER GAMES, Sophia. Hell! If it isn’t Kindle/Amazon telling me what book to read. Yeah, it’s social media. I talked to Braxton yesterday. He wouldn’t like me reading all these books about losing fur babies daily. And if it’s not that, I should read the last in the Succubus series, SUCCUBUS 8 (RIDDLES and REVENGE). I must read before I can “see” and “hear.” Where’s Braxton’s book again? Braxton Booked V, NOT

817 Days Without B III, Day 258 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 294 ~Braxton Booked It, Virgil~

B found his escape. And while V isn’t my son, I’m not sending him into the unknown. That’s why he’s getting his vaccination today. So I’ll be reading his second vet bill. I’m worried about what I’m reading at the Day Job. “Braxton Booked It, Virgil.”

Friday, April 21, 2023

Saga 294 ~Braxton Booked It, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means AHEM, “Time Is On My Side.” Am I still dreaming, even at 10 AM?

I never dreamed that Braxton was dying that Friday, January 29, 2021. It always comes back to his death. Two novels, some poems, books about dead fur babies, and “chats.” But today, I’ll add a few more pages to Virgil Vivi’s medical history. If we’re lucky, we’ll come back singing “Die Another Day.” Tell the God of Death a thing or two, all “Game of Thrones” style. And why am I talking about people way more creative than me, Sophia? One more reason I’m not a billionaire right now. Or that Braxton didn’t see sixteen. Sophia, if I were a better writer, I would have been here with him. I would have noticed something was wrong. I’m sure my rage didn’t help that last week.

Well, my Indifference towards him anyway. Only I continue to feel such rage from Thursday. I’m only focused on myself, of course. A place I hate being at. And yet I can’t afford any trouble there. All the books I have, and yet I waste this existence at my Day Job. All because I would instead read and listen to the goings on yesterday’s Instagram. But a pink slip, ha. I have enough to worry about today; I was about to talk about a bank account over the health and well-being of Virgil. I need to keep a close eye on his paperwork, no doubt. More like I need to put one foot in front of the other. Thursday, I spoke of “The Long Walk.”

That’s something else I need to read, like The Green Mile, The Mist… Stephen King. Would Braxton be open to it? I know he wants me to get out of this bed and book it. And no. Not join him wherever he is. For real, though, I didn’t listen to Braxton when he was dying. And Virgil has so much more living to do. We’ll see what the veterinarian concludes. Lady Sophia, I am hoping for good news, always. One of the things that let me know I’m not a Republican. Because all I read of what they’re doing, I’ll say THAT SHIT IS WRONG! What do I know? I know I wouldn’t say I like reading my writing. And even Braxton Booked It, Virgil.

810 Days Without B III, Day 251 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

I don’t want to read more bad news. Day Job says you’re worth this? The GOP continues to be racist. Another brother dies, or is it some kids? Some people are above the law. My boy is still gone. And there’s always porn. “Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away”

Friday, April 14, 2023

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I would never stoop to building a “man cave.” A Study, Library, a Gaming Room.

Hell! After reading “Fifty Shades of Grey,” you know I want to build the “Red Room of Pain.” Being a billionaire and all. One day I want to own a brothel. But enough of that. Which is something I’m sure Cherry intends to say. And I’ve talked to Braxton’s Aunt. Only most of these days I’ve been distant. And it’s not like reading is taking that long. It would be a lot more enjoyable if Braxton were here. I was on the loveseat this morning. Oh, don’t get your hopes up. I wasn’t reading but practicing meditation once again, Sophia. More to the point, I wanted to get away from Virgil. That’s the only reason I bothered getting up at all. He took the bed.

What? I didn’t have the heart to move him, so that’s something anyway. Besides Sophia. Does Virgil want to lay beside me as I read about how much I miss Braxton being by my side and not him? And at this rate, I can discover plenty of books about losing furbabies. Well, as long as the Kindle Challenge holds. It was all “fun and games” until Kindle dictated what titles they wanted you to read. It’s kept me away from Triple B for sure. Either that or, as the song goes, these “pornographic passions. Did I mention getting back on Audible, so I could get a book that had cost $34.79? I got it for free with a membership. It’s “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7.”

Because with eyes, at least, all I’ve been reading is “good,” bad, and ugly news. It’s effing everywhere. Last night, I told Braxton’s Aunt I’m always tired. “Close Your Eyes.” There’s always “Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah! Get up, come on, get down with the sickness!” If you want to know where I was the last few minutes. TMI, right? The world, I am, sick. Thursdays are the only time I can tell Braxton about it… I don’t even remember what I told him yesterday, to be honest, and today. There’s so much writing left to do. How much for the Day Job? And what if I say something STUPID? There’s “GULP.” And then Braxton’s books. Let Virgil have the bed. Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away

803 Days Without B III, Day 244 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

This is the first poem/song I’ve written in forever. I need to write the “Balance” App a good review… As I have no idea where this came from. Focus? When am I not focused on porn? When I’m crying about my boy. And my country? Braxton Reads To Virgil.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Yeah, when pigs fly… Oh, really? Well then, when dogs read. But Braxton was much more.

“He’s My Son.” But, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Isn’t that great? I’m crying at 7:20 AM. At least the tears kept me from reading the alarm clock for the 3 hours I wasted. It’s a miracle to get up on time for anything but Hell. Um, “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?” Okay, I’ll quit with all the songs, but they beat the Bible slightly? It’s “Good Friday,” Lady Sophia. And even though I want the miracle of Braxton coming back… I won’t be reading the “Good Book.” You know, like the Republicans who are saying today “Good Riddance” to two black lawmakers. First, I didn’t realize that was the title of a song. Second, To the Tennessee GOP Ahem: FUCK YOU!

You see, it wasn’t all porn I was reading as I dried my tears and wasted time today. But since we’re on the subject. When are we not when it comes to my horniness every day. (Sigh) Internet Porn, Ahem:

Money Talks to Jessi Stone. Another, Jessie, likes to roam. At Dong’s Diner,
Rasberry, to Residents a drink, be wary. OnlyFans but Magy’s vag.
Magical but in a bag. Dollies’ hands. The Savior’s man. Momo’s tits while Dani’s sick. Dirty maids, not today. But on the floor, there’s lingerie.
And Ukraine a Stormy way. With little pricks of presidents, Blonde Melody, and BBCs.
Parker’s boned, but Tennessee? M Anime, the news today? Getting harder anyway.
And Fuu amongst the samurai and Retweeting all the hentai, and the final fantasy of Cherry’s body longed to see

We Didn’t Start The Horny

What the eff! I have no idea where that came from, Lady Sophia. I meant to make a “We Didn’t Start The Fire” reference. I guess I lied about the music, huh? But with all the “adult” themes today. Be it porn or politics (sigh). I meant to tell you everything I wouldn’t be reading today but now? Other than the fact I’ve spent an hour rewording this song… Why? Let’s say… I care about Virgil Vivi and don’t want him abandoned. If I said everything, Sophia. As I’m sure, Braxton tells Virgil, which is why Virgil is hiding in here. Braxton, my little ghost dog? Braxton Reads To Virgil

796 Days Without B III, Day 237 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will