Log 025 ~Out Of Ideas Will~

From fiction to the real world, though I always like to think I’ll be a hell of a survivor in the coming war against the dead, chances are I’ll be a corpse in bed, flipping a coin of what will make me get up, oh wait? Out Of Ideas Will

Friday, July 19, 2019

Log 025 ~Out Of Ideas Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but not if I keep buying naughty coins. Using my money to buy play money; oh the irony. It’s like a writer writing about an author. I get it, but to me, it sounds like cannibalism. My last two stories, one character owned a bookstore. The one I recently finished was somewhat of a firebrand preacher. Wouldn’t you know it I fulfilled that lady preacher’s prophecy that I would somehow be a Reverend? Now I’m not saying I heard the voice of God. Still, orgasms are a divine state of affairs.

Yesterday I told Dirty Diana that I couldn’t take a naked woman only on that fact. It’s why I know Tessa Taylor Bang Bus “Everglades Adventure.” Cassy “Classy Cassy” SBJ or Maggie Green, site: My Friend’s Hot Mom. Before you nail me for being inappropriate, I respect all of the actresses. I even remember Lauren Cohan from TWD as Maggie Greene/Rhee. If anything this makes me better than most Republicans. I acknowledge evidence of wrongdoing. The point is. However, I keep doing it, over and over, twice today. The oldest crimes in the newest ways but that’s Inspector Echo’s call. I wish I could tell you a new story a happier tale. No, if it’s not naked girls, it’s fear. I think that’s it Lady Sophia, sex or hell Fapping makes me fearless. In a world full of mind-numbing terror, but I’ll do it myself.

I worry about my next breakdown when it comes to porn, so I learn to write some. My novels have the main character yours truly, of course. Usually, whoever pissed me off at the moment; at least three stories have the “basic bitch.” There’s a brothel featuring every girl under the sun, Unforgivable sins and tons of blood and/or an orgy. I don’t want to be Taylor Swift, either finding people to make me feel bad. Disney rehashes the same ideas, but like them, I want world domination. Another storyboard trope. Most of all though I want to quit sitting here with a hundred emails to read. Waking up only went I’m horny, hungry or damn near helpless. I want to tell stories of B III having a happy life. Not just guarding me in my depression if that’s what this is, I don’t know.

Help myself right, Lady Sophia but Out Of Ideas Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 018 ~Where Will It End~

One month and some change left before I’m writing the sorriest excuse to a beautiful woman, not to mention all those in my novel but I would have to get published first and the story I’m writing now? “Where Will It End.”

Friday, July 19, 2019

Log 018 ~Where Will It End~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but still not published. I’m getting closer to finishing one more story that remains nameless today, but I need to feel; accomplished. There is not much of that for me these days. I quit writing to be called Ma’am at Taco Bell. One more reason to choose the Starving Artist path.

What am I a sim? Well, I want to be a customer, but time is not on my side when it comes to Alice Little. Didn’t I say I hate letting pretty girls down? When I started talking to her, I figured, get published become a success. Lady Sophia I’ve wasted a month and a half, hell a year. Alice is texting now, and she won’t buy some story of sorry I trashed your time. I always feel like I need an excuse for being in the way. Women though, I tell myself there is some woman out there waiting. A wonder I go young, not go to jail young but again TTB. If anything, I need to be writing a scene for Nevada. Only this isn’t my novel, and we’ll get to that. I’m sure I still have my Purge “Party” Fantasy somewhere but haven’t been looking for it.

How about my life story or my son’s who’s lying right here next to me sleeping. I read something horrible that I won’t dare repeat, but I want B III to have everything. A yard I’m not scared for him to play in for hours. I’m always worried about his health. He needs a mom and siblings and being fourteen, bless his patient heart. What about me though, the answer still is, I didn’t think I would make it this far. I’ve seen a new version of The Lion King. There are now ten seasons of The Walking Dead. Hell, I am blessed with so much and dare to dream of more. I should be working harder; I did around 2100 words today before I went for food. I’ll make the deadline for Camp NaNoWriMo for sure but let’s talk about sex baby the song says.

Is that what I’m calling my novel. As for now, the group is wading through blood and “other” body fluids. The Beast is losing his tattoos with help from his wife and yes I’m planning an orgy so ask again Where Will It End.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 011 ~How I Will Tomorrow~

“Some of you love sleep more than you love success,” Eric Thomas said, and that’s one more reason I should be; no I won’t get upset, positive vibes and tomorrow will be better I keep saying. How I Will Tomorrow

Friday, July 12, 2019

Log 011 ~How I Will Tomorrow~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and tomorrow I’ll have more. If that’s one thing that remains constant, it’s my need for more, for everything. Let’s have more words, time, money, fucking self-control (Language). At least today’s story isn’t about giving another chick money. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t quarrel with strippers, pornstars, models, you know I have hired and discovered quite a few. If anything, I would rather spend money and not another piece of my soul. Yeah, what’s another dollar for something I don’t use, ahem Brainbuddy, or Momokun.

Now that’s a “gripping” story, not paying to avoid porn or a grander stash. You see Lady Sophia some things that should be bigger, my cushion for my novel. Last week I was touting a five-thousand-word victory, and I barely got two thousand today. If only excuses sold so easy, B III was sick; I’m addicted to Marz, I napped too long. Hell the writing I did today I’m not too happy with, remember I was looking forward to The Corpse of Anna Fritz. The chapter ended a bit early, 2500 words as always, and I’m nearly halfway done, you know. I can still do worse, I had one character sucking a man’s penis, minus the man keeping it; too graphic? Today isn’t Thursday, and I was in no mood but this afternoon, dammit Momokun.

I could tell you all about my dream girl, umm Alycia Debnam-Carey. Anyway, I add all women all shapes and sizes, races too, though I do owe an apology to a Bailey now. Tomorrow who will be next, Chapter 12: The Horrors of Heavy Petting. What will Audrey do now that she knows she’s an Android? Do they have a plan to deal with those infected girls in the bedroom? Will Audrey continue to love The Beast. Hell will this book ever see the light of day. “Gulp” does have a chance of seeing a million Kindles if I pull the trigger and get it published. It won’t cost me everything and would be my way of testing the waters. One more bit of writing to ruin without playing. What did I say about Marz watching her entire “Heavy Rain” playthrough? Might as well spoil “Until Dawn” heard it’s fantastic.

Not like I’ve had time to play games with not writing, taking naps, and broken promises, How Will I Tomorrow?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

How long have I been up in one way or another and by the time I finish this it will be a new day, so why am I still writing, as the song goes the love of the art or my motivations on Discipline, how about I have nowhere else to go. Give Me 5000 Will.

Friday, July 5, 2019

Log 004 ~Give Me 5000 Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I still need to hustle. Do you see what time it is but I put down another Five Thousand words today and why? I told myself I was going to and I’m not getting paid anything. Can we not talk about DIMES money or women?

Unfortunately, the list of women I owe apologies to grows ever longer. Audrey, Savannah Chrisley, such and such who got me to start a blog. A cosplayer who is also a cyber playmate, to name only a few. I wonder if I wasn’t writing about sex, would this process be quicker. When I first thought up writing novels, it never took this long. As always Lady Sophia, I am a traditionalist when it comes to NaNoWriMo so Fifty Thousand Words. Can’t say they are worth anything, though, each chapter having a “sex scene.” Comes off as a hastily written wet dream but again what time is it? I was so busy fighting off a certain kind of feels, and then there’s eating. True enough let’s say an NPC decides to taste the Cosplayer rather than only receive a blowjob. With these Chapter Titles, you know:

We Pretend That We’re Lead
Ass The Face Of Pen
A Type Of Unsolicited Dick
The Shades That Paint Her
Shaved Crayon In The Box
The Skin He Lives In

The first five chapters are writing implements. Now the next will be canvases, and five more will be types of writers. Do I dare still call it Erotica or let’s go with only porn? The novel today doesn’t have a real name, but The Faces of Momus is a stand-in for now. I’m sure I told you before, but it’s about a man that has faces carved onto his back. Each carving and tattoo is of one of his victims. It’s starting to sound a bit like Into The Badlands meets Glass. You can also throw in a bit of Sick Fux by Tillie Cole. You know the Hyde Persona. When we last left our “heroes,” Audrey has to convince the cosplayer to have sex with the tattoo artist. Also who the Cosplayer works for is the man that will not die, The Dragon “Prophet.”

I can’t tell you where the story is going; the world has a mind of its own. Characters talk too much; Give Me 5000 Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 182 ~The “Sent” Of Will~

I send good vibes to some, I keep none for myself, at least I hope they were right, beautiful, anything but my usual spiel much like today’s conversation and there will be plenty more. The Sent Of Will, ha

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Episode 182 ~The “Sent” Of Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, write it down, know that one way or the other that scary feeling, the shakes, your sickness will exist but crying in a Mercedes and going “home” to a mansion is so much the better and may it be a sin to want more stuff just saying.

Yeah, you’re always just saying sigh, but yeah you’re afraid of saying something stupid which is inevitable, for example, friends; females that you haven’t slept with, males that would fight by your side but both will except your stupidity to a degree. The things I have said this week, if not only today all before talking to you before the New Year which reminds me of one thing I need to do besides what I have done, what I sent out into the world. Indeed not stories but plenty of sins and secrets. I do wish this last report card was better but again at the closing of the year as with every week don’t we strive to do better, with these, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 007 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Finish Christmas Cake: A Holiday Collection by Celia Aaron
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

I know that number one would seem like success right, apparently not by the time and how I’ve been sweating it out, nothing by comparison to you, actually chasing something that’s real. Is it strange that for one to have a soul, one must have guts, balls, a backbone, which means you’re standing up, which might explain after today your exhaustion and what will happen tomorrow? Hopefully not that, how your ears are ringing, your heart rattling its cage, or how about the rout of more and more promises like every week’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Finish The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks (Gift)
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Now look further ahead Will, Chris Rock said that the more shit (language) one has, the less shit they can talk which is great since you’re a writer but tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, geez what have we done between two days, two friends, and how many hours. The things I have brought into the world and sent out but you’re reading the New Year’s Resolutions of 2018, and now here we go again, what can I tell you besides well, there is going to be shit however whatever you choose, I want you to survive all of it. Not only survive, but I also want you to live, take responsibility, I don’t want you to fear or regret whatever comes from you, smells like victory doesn’t it; wishing you a Happy New Year Will from The Sent Of Will.

2019 Resolutions:

  1. See Braxton through another year
  2. Continue to write my blog, at least 400 words daily and gain a profit
  3. Complete one novel without NaNoWriMo
  4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend/submissive
  5. Read over 25 books one being a cookbook
  6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (a novel in a month) 50,000 words
  7. Finish all repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
  8. Publish two books, poetry and novel
  9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
  10. Read for an hour and a half every day

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 036 ~ Remember This Is Your Creation~

Can I do better, considering I have three different worlds to live with, my writing, dealing with people, and wanting a blessed life for my dog, I’m busy but what will I create today? Remember This Is Your Creation.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Episode 036 ~ Remember This Is Your Creation~

Forty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason and shall introduce you to my insanity, all of my writing, the little dog sleeping on my leg, my life, I wish I knew when somebody gave me the pencil and said get to work. Oh yeah, when I was a little kid and still I can’t help feeling like a child because every single time I say something I’m wrong, I wonder what my son honestly thinks about me, how much do I own outright and if that ain’t the American way my Madam Justice?

I’ve said this before that I don’t like using the word home because this isn’t my place and again I’m supposed to be grown, and yes home is where yadda, yadda, yadda but then what about my novel? Yeah, my characters are from all walks of life including myself, I’m always attempting to create another version of myself, and I can’t say I’m the best guy but what Alexa Bliss, Angie Griffin, Amber Hahn, Detroit: Become Human, to name a few. The new world comes into being upon the ashes of the old one, either if I’m burning my eye sockets from the screen, the ever-present glow, or wrapped up nice and toasty warm in my bed someday I think.

Speaking of ashes what about the mess, that’s what I’m good at, and the house isn’t looking too well with my exhaustion, but that’s what happens when you begin attempting to build something great. What about the fact that I want more kids, right now it’s my little boy and me. Creating, though I love my dog like pancakes only what about my life, again with the motivation, wanting to eat healthier, get my mind clearer. Feel Like Makin’ Love but It Takes Two that Madam Justice is creation, even God gave Adam his Eve okay maybe not a good example but do you blame the hand or the tools and no we are not getting into a discussion about the broke NRA, good news.

Creation, Madam Justice is a holy mission thus power, and how you know I want power above everything else, okay maybe not sleep but the dreams I create, not today though, no I experienced a terrible nightmare, but I did figure out what to tell Dear Future Wife and Dirty Diana. That is if I can hold onto to the blog you know the day is coming and strangely enough, rather than get my PS4 I want to save it, my brain, my ideas, soul… Remember This Is Your Creation.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

Domination 101, how much do I know and what do I believe, this might be an ongoing series considering it has nearly been a year, hell might be a book idea, but I’m talking to the wrong woman, all of them in fact. Give A Little Bit

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again after I tell you why I’m a dominant and not like Christian Grey though I am a sadist, I like hurting brunettes, but I love my mother very much and the black women I do like… Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys, and Amandla Stenberg before she shaved her head to name a few. Yes, I want the pain, the humiliation, anger, fight, and submission, and the ironic thing is I would never do this to the everyday person, while I loathe humanity my aunt was right and wrong about me destroying the world, that’s just dumb Diana.

Already this is more than I have time for, but unlike lovemaking, I will try and be brief and let me start there, the world has taken so much, I ration myself, I rip myself into pieces and then try to hold it together, to be an Ordinary Human. I have felt all of the above, pain and the like and while Yoda famously said fear leads to anger it can also lead to courage and with it power and where would you want that power to go… vengeance? A person wants to fight, and they say, “you want a piece of me” now not every girl I lay eyes on is love but rather “a viable romantic partner,” and she deserves far more. Indeed it demands my all, and so a submissive gives so must a dominant like me.

Why do I attract the broken and the dirty, because I see and as much as I hate this word “potential” I don’t want to change them but build them up, girls will tell you, I learn all about them, feed them, comfort them and at the same time I want the Madonna and the Whore. I’m sure Sigmund Freud, would have something to say about that but I also mentioned anger, and no I have never abused a woman, and maybe this is fucked up, but I want a woman to know exactly how I feel, the power over oneself finally taken and made desirable. I often say I want a girl that would make an incredible zombie apocalypse partner, a warrior and someone like that must know all of me, the Negan and King Ezekiel, the North to my Markus (Detroit: Become Human, my obsession), the Belle to my Beast, all that I am is yours even If Only For One Night honestly.

This is only the tip of who I am I mean, why am I into an innocent “youthful” look, why do I prefer silk, ribbons, sheets and using clothes rather than leather, ropes, and traditional restraints but I am a dominant because a girl deserves more but why with the world as a whole do I Give A Little Bit.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 301 ~No More Heroes Anymore~

I’m no hero, but at the same time I don’t want to be just cannon fodder, and for sure I’m not Atlas trying to carry the whole world, but maybe somebody should tell that to my e-mail account or the guy wanting me to donate. No More Heroes Anymore

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Lesson 301 ~No More Heroes Anymore~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, and in other news, I don’t need to be saved either and don’t worry I’m not about to turn all religious on you. Honestly, we wouldn’t have so many heroes if that was the case. Why don’t we ask ourselves why we need so many heroes and I answer, it’s because the world is just one big mess and yet we tell everyone to do their part, but look at all the charities, the programs, the ideology.

Hell you might as well call me a Republican, but then again I didn’t donate to babies when I was at the store today, and sure I didn’t want to but say I did, what about the puppies, what about housing, and there is always disease. There was this man today that called me “rabbi,” seriously I’m not religious, and this guy, just another black guy trying to make it in the world who only wanted to talk, maybe he needed a friend. Don’t get me started on friendship; you know “Cherry” can be draining, people talk about enemies but it’s your friends Lu that take it all, and no I don’t mean like that.

“I got enemies, got a lotta enemies
Got a lotta people tryna drain me of my energy.”
Drake ― Energy

How about the girl I saw today while I was shopping, beautiful and all but I didn’t want to mess up her day; another reason I’m not a hero, I lack courage, and to a villain, it wouldn’t have mattered. You see every person on Earth is their world, trying to save themselves, some find by helping others they indeed accomplish this, but that ain’t everybody though they continue to say that thinking of yourself is selfish. Personally and I’ve said it before, I don’t want to be the hero, and I feel so horrible saying that, I feel selfish, every day we are inundated with cries for help, justice, and those that can try.

“Nothing in the world is the way it oughta be. It’s harsh and cruel, but that’s why there’s us: champions. Doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You’re not a part of that yet. I hope you will be.” Deep Down

Maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed at the moment as again I live “my” life not for myself but others, and when I do rest, I feel like I’ve wasted a day. I do it out of love for my dog, the needs of my job, the fear of my father, and the lives of my friends. The problem with being a hero is they only get to see the bad, and with victory comes no meaning, and at the very least a villain understands what he does, don’t I know.

Villains and tragedy give heroes purpose, and I have enough of the bad, but no matter what I say I only need one hero and that’s me, the rest of the world has plenty fighting to keep it going, so let them be strong, I’ll say No More Heroes Anymore.

“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The Dark Knight (2008)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 196 ~A Sight To See~

The look of love, although I’m sure all the treats and getting to sleep in my bed helps as well, and if I have to be a seeing eye man for him than so be, I’m just upset that the world is such an ugly and scary place to see. “A Sight To See,” one day…

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Lesson 196 ~A Sight To See~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, it will all be there tomorrow, that’s what I tell my dog all the time when he’s in a rush for his walk or to go outside and play, it will all be there tomorrow. Maybe it’s a bad habit, pushing for tomorrow when there is only today and who knows what tomorrow bring; didn’t I already say once, leave every problem to tomorrow, make your troubles run from you.

It helps when you can see them, yes I’m still thinking about the bitch with a blog, hell I’m nevertheless thinking about my blog, one-hundred and ninety-six days in and I always feel the need to explain myself. If I could only see myself the way my son sees me and who knows how long that will last as I just got the news yesterday, the vet says my son is starting to develop cataracts. Trust me, Lady Luna, I hate the look of this world, to quote the president “shithole” see I’m good enough to be president though that isn’t a good thing anymore.

I want to show my kid, yeah he’s thirteen now which is maybe sixty-eight in dog years, last I checked and hope but anyway I want him to see a world that we don’t have to be afraid of; hell at least he dares to see it. There is no such luck for me, you know I’m one for definitions of Hell and here are a few more, Hell is despising who you see in the mirror, it’s condemning who other people see when they look at you, it’s finding yourself stuck, frozen, lake Cocytus. Lady Luna, Hell is people leaving, it’s so close to something you desire and knowing you’ll never have it. Indeed it’s a fire that burns in all the wrong ways.

The thing is I still want to see it, I want him to see it, but I can’t help, but wonder has it passed us by, is it only in our heads, why is it I love the darkness, but I would want to end it all if I ever went blind? Wouldn’t it be something if we all could see through the eyes of those who love us, imagine how we would feel then?

That is what I have learned today, I look at him, and from the first moment I have loved him, cared for him, and I would be his eyes if he needs me to be, now if only I cared to see myself, would I become A Sight To See?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 094 ~Whole Lot Of World~

It all started with a hole in my shoe today but I can get new shoes, it’s words that are awfully expensive, just ask whoever makes gravestones; am I incapable of being positive? “Whole Lot Of World”, these days and I’m only seeing the ugly.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Lesson 094 ~Whole Lot Of World~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, there is a whole lot of world, after all, that’s me being positive just so you know because I was thinking the lesson would be Hole In The World and that’s true as well. You know I figured I had discovered the meaning of life before, have I shared that with you… anyway since this is only a working idea for the moment, I think maybe the ‘purpose’ is to fill the holes, and there are just so many Luna.

In our own way we are all gravediggers and maybe to avoid that fate we seek lives worth remembrance, and in that we become immortal. Take myself as an example, I want to be a writer, can’t say I will ever be a good one but I want people to see my words, possibly hear them, I want them to feel those little gaps in our brain, hell I told somebody once, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I would like to be a virus. Also, I can’t say I don’t find let’s say a “Hostel” concept to be somewhat intriguing my lady.

Today my eyes were sort of wonky and you know I had one of those weird thoughts I do, this time it was about going blind because I ate a pickle but that being said I figured if I ever did go blind just kill me. With my luck, some blind person will be offended but I thought of all the holes we have and how we are in a constant need to feel them, mouths with words, eyes with beauty, ears with voices. All of this can be done by one person, a hole in the heart perhaps, you start with one at a time isn’t that right, one person trying to get to the bottom of you perhaps.

I’m still trying to do that myself, how many times have I thought of myself as one of “The Walking Dead” and I just need to be exhumed sort of like “Warm Bodies”. There is some good news, I noticed I survived the days of Sapphire though I still feel ‘anxiety” when I hear something outside, today it was the garbage truck, not the police.

So what have I learned today, other than I should listen to something other than my own insecurities, that I should see something beautiful, other than hentai, as always I’m full of crap but there’s a Whole Lot Of World?

I Will Have No Fear