Episode 306 ~Capes Are Overrated Will~

Nobody plans on being a hero so how does one plan on writing one; I don’t have that gift but there are plenty of others, and then there’s always Amazon, but I’ve been n the wrong department for some time. Capes Are Overrated Will

Episode 306 ~Capes Are Overrated Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and as my daily motivations and affirmations go, money is a form of energy. So while I’ll never claim to be a scientist, well not since school. Energy is neither created nor destroyed just transferred. Sorry, my former geek vibe days.

Lady Sophia these are trying times for geeks and other fandoms. You might think I would be happier (I am grateful, positive vibes). What I mean is Star Wars Day is tomorrow. Avengers: Endgame was the conclusion of several storylines. I got to see Arya Stark’s sideboob. Now isn’t that what it always comes back to with me. One reason B III is my only guy friend. Still, he’s naked all the time except wanting to buy him bandannas. That’s more clothes than I buy most girls on any day. I purchased “Indiana Gone” a dress once. Only my life’s work s more to the point of getting women out of their clothes. Hence my novels and why I don’t write heroines at all.

Okay so that sounds bad, but as always I could do worse seeing as how I’m just getting started now. A tent in my pants and all I should be working on my novel. How about looking over the books. I could write about surviving addiction, nearly thirty days now NO FAP. As a writer, if you’re not doing your due diligence, you should be reading. Well other than Triple B’s prescriptions. Amazon Wish List, bill collectors, and long overdue emails. So it’s time to get back to some erotica which isn’t helping with Brainbuddy. Again I’m no hero; I’m a strange man to a lot. Hell Luke Cage doesn’t wear a cape. I don’t think so, never watched that story.

The thing is I don’t want to write that or even live that. My novel, if it were a love story, would be about how far I could fall. How fast can an angel catch me before? Would a girl follow me down, or could she resurrect me? I dole out wings, costumes, PhDs but never capes? If I write about criminals, well my character shot a woman in the shoulder. I left it to his dad to be her killer. An alter ego to burn villain and victims alike. Still, I can’t help liking such pretty wrapping. Book covers, lingerie, “dollar dollar bill, y’all” but Capes Are Overrated Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

Fire burns until there is nothing left and since there aren’t kisses coming in my direction or candles igniting, these flames are left to burn; no I’m not carrying the fire I’m being engulfed by a worse desire. “And Find Will’s Remote”

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, well I don’t spend any on BDSM leather, and other than condoms I don’t know much about latex, but before I even knew what it meant being “dominant,” I learned one word… CONTROL. When I was young, hell even today, I have issues with anger, now to me RAGE equals ENERGY, and since violence gets frowned upon and I can’t sleep how do I expend it, those days I cleaned.

I can feel your anger. It gives you focus… makes you stronger. ― Supreme Chancellor, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005)

It was all I had Dirty Diana, but if I could have a clean environment, it would clear my mind, I suppose it was a form of control, and in my day to day life I have so little of that but the ability to focus… I let go of everything, fear, hatred, this rage that has engulfed me except I don’t have anything to tidy here and at work, that’s the problem; sex and violence, you see with sex I want complete control, I may be “kinky” according to some women, okay, but I maintain control because there’s life. With fury at another man I don’t give a fuck; with sex and my enjoyment of sadism, hurting a lady in certain ways is pleasurable to a degree but with violence against the men that have wronged me, there’s no pleasure, there’s madness, a beast and what he wants, I cannot speak, I mean honestly.

Now I’m not having sex with the ladies, and I’m forbidden to harm the “gentlemen” (those bastards) so no wonder the beast is at the gates, and the rage is overflowing, and that’s making me even madder because I’m being told to “be myself” again. Yes, they would make me a vagrant with no place, less verbose in my language, the victim. Not sounding very sexy I know and yes I’m repeating myself, but it’s one of the reasons I’m in the lifestyle, to make someone feel as though they have a purpose and at the same time powerless, and to have a peek at the real them. Death is but a parody of life, I can get the thrill in my rage against a bully but what is the opposite of it, calm, clarity, contentment but that requires containment.

Graves can do that, so can a girl’s clothes if you tie her up in them, some might even put their faith in God but I’ve got nothing but Rage and Pain, and the thing about that is, pain can be shared and can be good in some ways. When you ignite that hurt though; when you make someone fear and hate, you can’t control them, and for damn sure you’re not in control of yourself, I must manage the beast, And Find Will’s Remote.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 308 ~Time Of My Life~

Too much tie on my hands, around my wrist, on my phone, my dog’s leash, my keyboard and at the end of the day it all goes to waste, and I know better, but I’m surviving. Time Of My Life and I have felt like this before and worse.

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Lesson 308 ~Time Of My Life~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, and there’s been no “dirty dancing” here though I am disappointed in myself for several reasons and I don’t even know what to call this time in my life. Yesterday I was supposed to have fun but what did I do… barely watched any Star Wars movies (only three). I worked on “Star Loves Not Wars,” as my knack for organizing makes me feel productive. Maybe “I got that magic you call OCD” does it matter honestly?

When you realize time is not on your side, part-time retail job and the thing you’ve chosen as a career isn’t getting done, I’m still not editing or working on my poetry book, and I’m spending money on what, NaNoWriMo gear and movies. Now I did go shopping for actual food online which I have to go pick-up, my idea of saving time and for what, other than keeping my word and reading yesterday what am I doing with myself. Of course, I’m brought to one of my disappointments, that I’m a grown ass “man,” and I had a wet dream a few nights ago figured I should reset No Fap, but not my fault.

It could always be my health, allergies on top of not getting enough sleep, don’t get me started on food, it’s been all chicken, or I’m a seafood addict not that I ordered much of that. What about my son, getting up to walk him is the highlight of his day, and if it’s not my exhaustion, it’s social anxiety, and if anything, he should be having the time of his life these days I think? I keep telling myself maybe tomorrow, and perhaps that’s just it, Lady Luna this could be like that movie “The One,” and I’m just traveling through different versions of my life, not repeating the same day but nine lives.

How many times have I thought I’ve died and unlike Jet Li, I’m not getting stronger, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, should start running, or could only think this is a lot more suffering than death? Yeah I certainly sound down, but I’m saving my apologies for customers at work or Inspector Echo but have I done any good deeds, anything to make someone smile other than my dog; birthday gifts a few.

Yeah “Indiana Gone” should be enjoying her birthday vacay, and I’m helping a business next week, but as I’ve said, the concept of survival isn’t the Time Of My Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 301 ~No More Heroes Anymore~

I’m no hero, but at the same time I don’t want to be just cannon fodder, and for sure I’m not Atlas trying to carry the whole world, but maybe somebody should tell that to my e-mail account or the guy wanting me to donate. No More Heroes Anymore

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Lesson 301 ~No More Heroes Anymore~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, and in other news, I don’t need to be saved either and don’t worry I’m not about to turn all religious on you. Honestly, we wouldn’t have so many heroes if that was the case. Why don’t we ask ourselves why we need so many heroes and I answer, it’s because the world is just one big mess and yet we tell everyone to do their part, but look at all the charities, the programs, the ideology.

Hell you might as well call me a Republican, but then again I didn’t donate to babies when I was at the store today, and sure I didn’t want to but say I did, what about the puppies, what about housing, and there is always disease. There was this man today that called me “rabbi,” seriously I’m not religious, and this guy, just another black guy trying to make it in the world who only wanted to talk, maybe he needed a friend. Don’t get me started on friendship; you know “Cherry” can be draining, people talk about enemies but it’s your friends Lu that take it all, and no I don’t mean like that.

“I got enemies, got a lotta enemies
Got a lotta people tryna drain me of my energy.”
Drake ― Energy

How about the girl I saw today while I was shopping, beautiful and all but I didn’t want to mess up her day; another reason I’m not a hero, I lack courage, and to a villain, it wouldn’t have mattered. You see every person on Earth is their world, trying to save themselves, some find by helping others they indeed accomplish this, but that ain’t everybody though they continue to say that thinking of yourself is selfish. Personally and I’ve said it before, I don’t want to be the hero, and I feel so horrible saying that, I feel selfish, every day we are inundated with cries for help, justice, and those that can try.

“Nothing in the world is the way it oughta be. It’s harsh and cruel, but that’s why there’s us: champions. Doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You’re not a part of that yet. I hope you will be.” Deep Down

Maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed at the moment as again I live “my” life not for myself but others, and when I do rest, I feel like I’ve wasted a day. I do it out of love for my dog, the needs of my job, the fear of my father, and the lives of my friends. The problem with being a hero is they only get to see the bad, and with victory comes no meaning, and at the very least a villain understands what he does, don’t I know.

Villains and tragedy give heroes purpose, and I have enough of the bad, but no matter what I say I only need one hero and that’s me, the rest of the world has plenty fighting to keep it going, so let them be strong, I’ll say No More Heroes Anymore.

“You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The Dark Knight (2008)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 167 ~Can Robots Write Stories~

Robots telling my stories might be a million times better than not finishing and letting people get a hold of it, hell people might never get a hold of it in the traditional sense, since I’m so lazy in writing these days. Can Robots Tell Stories

Friday, December 15, 2017

Lesson 167 ~Can Robots Write Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, I bleed plenty both on the page and the real deal, and before coming to meet you something else was as hard as steel though I kept the logic not to do anything… okay, so I could be a robot. A pervert, a depraved lunatic, a porn snob but I don’t feel like a robot because I would honestly be on time for something other than The Last Jedi movie.

How much time it must have taken to write such a tale, not to mention the similar histories, theories, what if motifs, I could go on and on and then again maybe not because I have been asleep most of the day. How about the fact that my brand of storytelling or perhaps my inspiration is going to be a high price to pay, considering all this Net Neutrality foolishness that has become so suffused with everyday life. Can I be blamed for not taking my work to print at this time as this Lady Sophia, another excuse I think?

Just like my lack of energy, if only I could run off sunlight. I sleep so many days away without a second thought or a third, not even a fourth. Still, I hear my story echoing in my mind like some incredible “Force.” If I hadn’t mentioned it before, like all this week I went to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi, spoiler alert, can you say love triangle? Not me, I’m too busy building brothels in my dreams, and I thought this whole, “kick” that I’m on was supposed to give a person more energy, at this rate why am I saving that last 5-hour ENERGY, I need help.

No, I need to stop claiming myself to be this Marquis de Sade aficionado, concerned citizen of the world, how about lazy as and just write. Even at work when I told my boss I couldn’t stay later I did so, and for what, I remembered “you put your hand on the plow, you finish the row” but what the hell does that mean to my ambitions and my dreams?

How about the tales dead men tell or don’t for that matter and neither do sleepy, lazy ones, flesh and bone should beat metal, but by the time I ever finish, Can Robots Tell Stories.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 135 ~It’s Worthy Of Your Soul~

How much is my soul worth, do I still have one available at all, am I too busy worrying about this life and what about the next… if I was a man of faith. It’s Worthy Of Your Soul, I don’t know what “it” is or where to find it, a tall order.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Lesson 135 ~It’s Worthy Of Your Soul~

Sixth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear but the idea that I may not find whatever it is I’m searching for; can I give you thoughts or suggestions, sure but what do I feel? Sometimes, just like my heart, I don’t think I have a soul and if the Devil wanted it and I could name my price… well hmm?

To quote The Darkness “I believe in a thing called love” but I think even Faust made such a mistake am I right; I’m not even sure I believe in such a thing as soulmates, though I would like to. What about writing… the fact that I’m still holding back, with exception to my novel but with our conversations I still can’t just be me but then again what am I protecting, could it be a soul. Vengeance, of course, would seem to suggest that I don’t have a soul at all, thus how could I sell my soul for such satisfaction and we remember that rule do we not?

I actually wrote out a contract to Satan… don’t know how old I was but the only thing that stopped me was I abhor “my” bloodshed but trust me if it would work that would be another thing like having a button that could just end everything. There was also a time in my life where I believed the meaning of life was a song “seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul” but why seek something that I could create right? How about this, being the greedy son of a bitch I am, wanting well everything I suppose it’s up to me to decide what is worthy isn’t it?

I would never say that about my job but what wouldn’t I give for the little dog sleeping at my feet this moment. The fact that I went out for 5-hour ENERGY shots and Powerade, shows how much my writing means to me. The question is, what is a soul compared to a life, compared to a heart, or anything else in this world truly.

That’s the lesson though, the catch, maybe nothing is worthy and it’s our job to make it so that when we look back on all we have sacrificed we can see it as such. As a dominant wants a submissive, a writer and his story, I need to create, know, It’s Worthy Of Your Soul.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 029 ~Great Another Small Talk~

I should really look up where the term “shut up” comes from but I get where Dear John comes from, not one more breath to give and what of the words fell on deaf ears anyway. Great Another Small Talk, yeah something I don’t do

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Lesson 029 ~Great Another Small Talk~

Hey Lady Lu,
You know I thought about “genocidal wording” but that just doesn’t have the same zing as small talk and doesn’t sound nearly as much fun. Of course, it isn’t much fun to someone with anxiety but last night did I not endure enough of it, a “Dear John” letter in a way.

Words Luna should not be wards of the state, maybe I’m making it more complicated than it needs to or I’ll try to but all words have a place. You know in my everyday life how I sort of give in to my OCD, my front door, my music, hell candles but I honestly believe that everything has a place that it belongs. People use words as if they get a tax credit for everyone they find lying around and then giving away and most days it simply overwhelms me.

Can you imagine if words weren’t only of what was; I can’t say that it would be great for our relationship Lady Lu because don’t I live in the past? The same could be said if we were to talk about the future, most of the time I don’t and when I do it only makes me sad, most of the time I come to the conclusion that I don’t have a future. Imagine a conversation where people talked about what is, some people do but they quickly burn out because you can’t keep a fire burning on the nothingness which is truly becoming the general everyday life of most.

Not that I’m anything special, I know that but my words will never leave me… for long anyway but I wish I could have left that conversation last night. I’m sure “Gospel Girl” would have enjoyed it. How does one say, Dear John, I do not care, that would have been awfully rude but wasn’t he pretty rude with what he said; I’ve gotten people into “trouble” for saying less.

Isn’t that just the thing though, saying less is considered a crime in this world, even now my lady, I’m thinking I might have to cut our conversation short because there is no time; yes, I’m still planning a time travel session when the opportunity presents itself. It just feels wrong somehow to cut this session short because there are things I should be doing, eating, sleeping, in other words finding a way to live and survive the night again.

Weirdness, like something from O’Grady, but it is weird when people treat words, all talking in general as if a means to live, not that I’m discounting you Lady Lu at all. Words do give life but it’s weird how people use them and maybe that’s why I use sparingly, I guess I’m just doing my best to help save the environment. Yeah, there is a dog I could be saving, a dog I could be talking to but I have enough trouble just keeping the breath in my lungs.
Every word to me is like an escape from a war torn land, it’s hard and it’s cruel and where do those words find themselves at the end of the day… in a place that no one wants them. How about those words are bombs that are quickly obliterating everything inside me daily and if there is nowhere to find peace, what is left to do but fight? Another reason I don’t talk too much because if I said everything that I ever wanted to say, I might never start swearing, and small talk to me is just a 9mm, everybody has them or bigger and the reasoning remains constant.

I think you see what I mean Luna… okay, no you don’t but all the weirdness has to go somewhere and if I stick with this, by tomorrow we will have been talking a solid month. The war with “Ms. Seasons” that has never come because she doesn’t need to waste words on me, but haven’t I been the same.

Indeed, whatever would I say to her; personally I rather not think about it but yet I am, what would I say to anyone really if I honestly talked to them because I don’t want small talk and again I will give into it. Probably why I prefer the physical, Braxton doesn’t talk but he understands, how many times have I put my fist or foot through something, or at least given it the good college try, how about my “baser” instincts, like a beast?

Words should be more than a welcome to my madness, did I ever welcome you my dear Luna, do they have welcome signs in Hell. Other times I can barely get a word out but maybe I’m taking a cue from the zombies that will one day overrun the planet… at least it will be quiet, and as they say, the pen is mightier than the sword; am I joining the NRA, more guns and bullets, less typing, texting, and for sure talking? If anything I wouldn’t be apologizing so often, I could be all, “That’s What Johnny C Do”, or how about Donald T, or Willy B, I’m not trying to be political though.

I bet you remember when I was all chock full of flowery words, still burns me up some that “better” men than me could use those sweet words only for some girl to lie on her back and physical show them what those words mean to her. No Christian Grey is still not my role model but he didn’t have to talk to Anastasia at first… see that’s the reason Fifty Shades of Grey sold so well, people say the writing was horrendous but we know what they really wanted right? Luna if I’m becoming a zombie like the masses at least I want to be a well-rounded zombie, as Chris Rock put it, a man’s goals, food, sex, silence.

So what have we learned today, as I said all words have a place; does that include small talk too, I would say I’m fresh out of that but as you have seen… Well, that is something else to consider, the fact that this nearly was only an hour of conversation, Great Another Small Talk.